Unconventional Threesome

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alrighty, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Human podcast. And a huge mystery has been solved. [00:00:10] Speaker B: I am validated. [00:00:12] Speaker A: Like, okay, no, no, no. [00:00:14] Speaker B: This is my story. So every time we've done a podcast, I've always heard music playing in the background. And I've always asked every now and again, hey, do you guys hear music? And you've been like, no, there's no music playing, but there has been music playing. Finally, the answer has been solved. [00:00:30] Speaker A: So I, you know, my wife, like, hands me her headphones, like, listen. Just, like, listen and see if you can hear music, you know, in my fucking headphones. And I'm like, all right, this fucking ditzy bitch is fucking crazy. And it's fine, you know, I love her anyway, you know? Crazy pussy is great. And sure enough, I put these fuckers on, and there's music in the fucking background, and I am listening hard to this fucking music. It's like some poppy fucking yo. [00:01:04] Speaker B: Like, it's music I would never listen to. [00:01:07] Speaker A: And apparently, what has been happening is an FM signal has been being picked up by the cable and, like, transitioned and then fucking sent on over to her headphones through the fucking cable. You know, not enough power to fucking make it a discernible real sound, but enough to, like, you know, it's like, to where I could, like, make. That's a commercial. [00:01:37] Speaker B: Mm hmm. [00:01:38] Speaker A: You know, that. That's fucking songs. And I'm sure if I kept listening, I can, you know, find a song that I recognize. [00:01:45] Speaker B: Maybe I don't. [00:01:46] Speaker A: I don't listen to fucking radio, but I feel good for my wife. [00:01:54] Speaker B: I feel so validated. I feel so good. You guys have no idea how confused I have been for months. [00:02:02] Speaker A: Every time I miss, like, okay, there's not music. And I just assumed it was in her head. I'm like, yeah, no, it's fine. You know, the music is back, Harold. The music is back. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, Margaret, the music is back. Go away. And turns out she was right. [00:02:29] Speaker B: I was right. [00:02:31] Speaker A: I'm like, it makes me realize that. [00:02:34] Speaker B: How is this even possible? Where is the signal coming from? [00:02:38] Speaker A: Everywhere. [00:02:40] Speaker B: Everywhere. Okay, don't answer that question. [00:02:44] Speaker A: You know how, like, a microwave works? And, like, no matter where your food is in the microwave, it'll still cook. [00:02:50] Speaker B: But it cooks unevenly. [00:02:53] Speaker A: Doesn't matter if your food is in that box in the microwave. When the microwave turns on, it will fucking cook. [00:03:00] Speaker B: Okay, so they're just constant radio waves everywhere. [00:03:06] Speaker A: Yeah. Bar. [00:03:08] Speaker B: Oh, so it's kind of like the Internet. Oh, okay. [00:03:11] Speaker A: But, like, how, you know, you can get Wi Fi from wherever in this house. [00:03:15] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:03:16] Speaker A: It just, you know, and it's indiscernible to us and it doesn't affect us at all. And I'm sure, like, if it was to go away forever, like, it would be like, oh, well, that's no longer a thing now. I would be grateful, like, if, like, the refrigerator turns off and you're like, I don't. It's pure silence. [00:03:47] Speaker B: Ah, our refrigerator is very loud. It's okay. [00:03:51] Speaker A: I can't have pure silence because then the ringing comes. [00:03:55] Speaker B: Yeah. Cause you have tinnitus. That's why I always have music. That's why I always have the tv on, playing music. Yeah, it helps because, like, I don't have tinnitus, but I have something that makes my. So, like, I don't hear ringing, but I hear, like, I hear static. So I always need background music. Always, so I don't have to fucking listen to the static. [00:04:22] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, it is kind of like a static earring. And if you, you know, go into a room of your silence, it just gets louder and louder and louder. [00:04:33] Speaker B: Especially because you have all the sound deafening things in here. [00:04:36] Speaker A: Well, no, that has nothing to do with it. These don't deaden sound. It, like, pretty much prevents it from, like, bouncing off the walls. It's not really necessary. [00:04:49] Speaker B: Well, no, I can tell the difference when I walk into this room versus walking out to the room. I can tell the difference in this. The sound. [00:04:54] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, it's cool. It's a slight difference, but, you know, I just like the aesthetic of it. That's mainly why it's. [00:05:04] Speaker B: It does look cool. [00:05:07] Speaker A: So. [00:05:08] Speaker B: So if you get me a new cord, will this go away, or am I stuck with it for life? Okay. [00:05:13] Speaker A: Yeah. If I get you a new cord that pretty much prevents, like, mine doesn't have it because I, like, spent good money on my cord. But since you have fucking headphones from, like, the 18th century. Yeah, like. [00:05:30] Speaker B: They'Re pretty old, but they've held up. These are what, like, six years old now? [00:05:34] Speaker A: Yeah. You have, like, the second generation of your Sony headphones and they still work. [00:05:38] Speaker B: Fucking. Okay. They don't work as great as they used to, but the sound canceling still works. Bomb. So that's all that matters to me. [00:05:44] Speaker A: But I didn't do any of the introductions. We got right into that mystery. I'm your host, Alex. A truck, as always. We got my wife, not the truck, and then we got Courtney from across the land. [00:05:59] Speaker C: Yep. I'm here. [00:06:01] Speaker A: I like how she, like, does like the Daria. Yeah, I'm here. [00:06:07] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:06:09] Speaker A: Come here then. [00:06:10] Speaker B: Mo, just move stuff out of her way. [00:06:12] Speaker A: She just wants to say hello. [00:06:16] Speaker B: Say hello, kitty. [00:06:20] Speaker A: There, you happy now? [00:06:25] Speaker C: I was actually her too. [00:06:27] Speaker B: She's got such a sassy mouth. [00:06:28] Speaker A: No, she's like a little pain in my ass. [00:06:31] Speaker B: And I love parties. [00:06:35] Speaker A: She's like the best fucking cat ever. [00:06:39] Speaker B: I know, that's why I got her for you. [00:06:41] Speaker A: Yeah. No, you like founder at a Walmart and you're like, this will remind him of his roots when he used to work here. And then they can bond and be like, hey, remember when you and I used to sit in the Walmart parking lot thinking how grand life could be? It's great for me, you know, you, you know, you got fucking. [00:07:06] Speaker B: No, I picked her because you. You need a calico to match your energy to have a good relationship with a cat. Like, you don't like placid cats, so I got you a feisty one. [00:07:20] Speaker A: She just sleeps all day. That's all she does. She sleeps and then she gets like a little bit of energy. [00:07:26] Speaker B: Yeah, cats are. Cats are only awake for like six to 8 hours a day. They're asleep for two thirds of their life, which is fucking bomb. I wish I could sleep that much. [00:07:37] Speaker A: I mean, you can. [00:07:38] Speaker B: I mean, I can, but then I can't make money and I can't make pay bills. [00:07:44] Speaker A: I mean, I guarantee you that there's people that, you know, stream them sleeping and then make money off of it. [00:07:52] Speaker B: Oh, totes. The Internet exists. People will pay for it. What is it? The Internet is a breeding ground for freaks. [00:08:00] Speaker A: No, like, freaks are already there. It's like, enjoy what you enjoy, but there's people that are like, fucking wacky. But like, one of my fucking favorite things to do is look up videos of boomers just being boomers. You know, like they just got, you know, off the couch, done with an afternoon of watching Fox News and like, alright, let me go tell the world how it really is, how it was in a better time, when you're allowed to be racist and all that fun shit. Excuse me, when you're allowed to say retard without, you know, getting in trouble. When you're allowed to smoke on a plane. [00:08:54] Speaker B: People used to be allowed to smoke on planes? [00:08:56] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:57] Speaker B: What the fuck? [00:08:58] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Have you never noticed there's an ashtray? Like, you know, fucking in your little thing? [00:09:05] Speaker B: In my car? [00:09:06] Speaker A: No, in your fucking plane. Like next time you get on a plane. [00:09:10] Speaker B: Uh huh. [00:09:10] Speaker A: Like. Like, a lot of them will still have the fucking ashtray just welded shut. [00:09:16] Speaker B: Is that the little half circle that comes out from under the arm? [00:09:20] Speaker A: Yeah, sometimes it comes from the arm. Sometimes in the arm. [00:09:23] Speaker B: I know what that used to look like. [00:09:25] Speaker A: Yeah, and they're. They're all fucking welded shut now. Yeah. I don't know. [00:09:32] Speaker B: Like, when planes are, like, first invented, people were smoking on them. [00:09:35] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:09:37] Speaker B: Interesting. Were the Wright brothers smoking? [00:09:41] Speaker A: I'm sure. I mean, Amelia Earhart was. Then she went on fire. She was hot. Like, a hot woman for her time. [00:09:54] Speaker B: Did you know they finally found her body? [00:09:56] Speaker A: Yeah, she was, like, fucking found on an island. Like, killed by crabs. [00:09:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:01] Speaker A: You know, obviously dumb women. They're like, I think this is a place that we should land. And, like, she lands. Like, I don't think this is the place. [00:10:10] Speaker B: I have, like, one of the few manga books I have. It's about this chick who's searching for, like, a moving island, and she has to fly on it by plane, but her dad's on the moving island, and so she spent, like, a year looking for him, but then the dolphins brought back her purse, and she's like, oh, shit, I know where the island is. And so. Excuse me. And so the last picture is her taking off in the plane with her cat, btw. [00:10:34] Speaker C: Okay, I'm sorry. [00:10:36] Speaker A: I'm bad at describing things terrible, honestly. [00:10:40] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:10:41] Speaker B: But there's a cat. [00:10:44] Speaker A: Like, that's, like, the only thing. It's like, as long as there's a cat, it is fine. I like the cats. [00:10:50] Speaker B: I do. [00:10:51] Speaker A: Like, you know, I'm gonna start crying about my cats, and then I can't. [00:10:58] Speaker B: Stop thinking about cats. [00:11:00] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, just be glad that you didn't have to go on, like, e harmony and, you know, like, go, like, explain to, like, a new dude back. Hey, I really like pussy. Score. Like, it's, like, not. Other women like cats. [00:11:17] Speaker B: Okay. I would never, ever use any type of dating online device, app or whatnot. If I ever used it, it would be to fuck with people. [00:11:28] Speaker A: Yeah, that. That's what you use it for. That's fucking what the tinder is. I feel like such a goddamn old person when I'm like, you know, the tenders. You used it for the dating and the smashing and the boo ba doo. [00:11:43] Speaker B: Ba d. Is Tinder even still relevant? [00:11:46] Speaker A: Of course. Yeah. Here. [00:11:53] Speaker B: Did you ever make a profile on. On any type of dating thing? [00:11:56] Speaker A: No. [00:11:57] Speaker B: Courtney, how about you? [00:11:59] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:12:01] Speaker B: What? On what? [00:12:03] Speaker A: She's, like, plenty of fish. [00:12:05] Speaker C: Oh, I think it was bumble. [00:12:07] Speaker B: I thought bumble was for gay people. No, I'm thinking of Grindr. [00:12:12] Speaker A: Everyone. All of them here, all murph are gay people. Technically, if you really think about it, it's like every dating app, you know, can be used for a gay person. [00:12:27] Speaker B: Well, yeah. Wasn't there, like, a secret code at, like, one point where you put, like, two initials at the bottom to, like, state that you were, like, you're gay or something when it first started happening? I feel like there was, like, code words you put at the bottom. [00:12:41] Speaker A: Yeah, you, like, tapped your foot in the fucking stall, and then, like, men would come. Like, the bathroom stall, and men would come in, and you'd fucking, like, you know, JFK, airport bathroom stalls. [00:12:53] Speaker B: Oh, my God. There was a smut book. I read about vampires. And so when they would, like, make, they made, like, social profits, like, profiles for this, and they put v at the bottom to distinguish as they were vampires. And, like, it's a whole book of this dude going hookups. Like, girls who think they're vamp, who want to be vampires because they think they'll change them into a vampire. And he's like, no, fuck all these bitches. Except for the last one. That one, he turns into the vampire. [00:13:17] Speaker A: Women and their fucking weird ass smut books. [00:13:21] Speaker B: There are some really weird smut books. There's my books. I regret reading. Really? Yeah, yeah, there's bad smut books out there. [00:13:33] Speaker A: She's like, there's a monster smut book where it was Frankenstein. [00:13:44] Speaker B: Here you go, guys. [00:13:46] Speaker C: This is the bumble. [00:13:48] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. Let's see these fucking dorks. Like, it's dudes putting their best foot forward, and it's like, I want to make a dating app where we just get the dick pics out of the way. Like, they're there. If you want to go look at. [00:14:07] Speaker B: Them, they can put dick pics up still. [00:14:10] Speaker A: Everyone can put dick pics. Like, I'm sure if you fucking go to, like, bumble and shit, like, you know, you'd like, you know, message a dude, and the dude's like, dick. Penis. Here you go. Look at my penis. I did my penis thing. Do you like it? Like, I never understood that. Like, sending an unsolicited dick pic. It's like, if you're sexting. Yeah, sure. I like how Courtney only has, like, 25% of her stuff done. [00:14:46] Speaker C: Yeah. And I would have, like, a photo. [00:14:52] Speaker A: You're only five one. [00:14:55] Speaker C: No, I think I'm off. Yeah, it's off. I think I'm a little more than that. [00:15:10] Speaker A: Yeah, no, you only have two photos on your fucking bumble. [00:15:14] Speaker B: I am now reading an article called dick pics, a man's modern guide to sending nudes. And it's explaining all the reasons why you should not be sending nudes. [00:15:25] Speaker A: So I have an idea. And hear me out on this. I feel like there should be a company that makes custom fucking playing cards. So when a woman collects, you know, 52 unsolicited dick pics, or, you know, 54, including the two jokers, she is able to send in all the dick pics. And then that company arranges them from size, you know, smallest to biggest. So, like, the smallest dick will get like the two of clubs, you know, or the two of diamonds. So the four smallest dicks will get the two denomination. And then you go all the way up until, like, you get, like, the best dicks. What? [00:16:15] Speaker B: I don't understand the definition of the word you just said, so I'm going to look it up. [00:16:19] Speaker A: What word? [00:16:21] Speaker B: It started with the D. [00:16:25] Speaker A: It started with a D. Dick? [00:16:26] Speaker B: No, like denomination. Because I thought that just meant something like, about, like, Christianity. So you said it in a different way. So now you just look up because apparently I lack knowledge of how this word can be used. So now I need to educate myself. [00:16:51] Speaker A: But, yeah, I mean, like, it'd be awesome to just be like, hey, you know, check this out. You know, I have a fucking full deck of unsolicited dick pictures. And then that way, like, when like, a bunch of friends are over and like, you know, she just like, busts out the fucking deck. It's like, I have 52 unsolicited dick pictures in here. Br. And like six guys you see just get up and leave. They're like, oh, fuck. Because they. They know that they're going to be in there. It's like, I just don't do, like, you can get a girl, like, just steer the conversation. [00:17:42] Speaker B: Alright, denomination was misused, but continue. [00:17:49] Speaker A: I'm sure it was. [00:17:51] Speaker B: Yeah, it was. Now move on. [00:17:54] Speaker A: Like, we're way beyond that. I'm on a whole fucking company that makes fucking playing cards for fucking dude sticks. [00:18:01] Speaker B: I am autistic. I pay attention to what I can and then research it. [00:18:07] Speaker A: Because she'd be like a. Either a great doctor or a horrible doctor. [00:18:12] Speaker B: I would be a horrible doctor. I'm an excellent nurse, but I could never be a doctor. Fuck that. [00:18:18] Speaker A: See, like, like that show, the good doctor. [00:18:21] Speaker B: Oh, my God, I hated that show so much. [00:18:24] Speaker A: It's such a bad show. All in all. [00:18:27] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:18:30] Speaker A: Like, it would be hilarious if like, the first episode, he, like, grabs the fucking knife and they just shoot him to death. And, like, that's the end of the show. [00:18:40] Speaker B: I would have been fine with that. [00:18:44] Speaker A: If he was black. Like a black autistic, you know, savant doctor. Yeah, he'd have fucking been dead. But since he was white. [00:18:52] Speaker C: What's the difference between agnostic and atheist? Again? [00:18:55] Speaker A: One's just a stoned atheist. [00:18:58] Speaker B: So atheists, okay, one means you don't believe in God, but you accept there might be a possibility. And the other one is like, there is no God. [00:19:09] Speaker A: So atheist is, fuck you. God doesn't exist. Agnostic is maybe. [00:19:14] Speaker B: Okay, yeah, no, I'm atheist. I believe in no deity. And quite honestly, if you really want to know, we're in a fucking giant computer simulation. None of this is real. We are just codes and numbers. [00:19:31] Speaker A: It's like, hey, here you get dreams of fucking going to work now you get to wake up and go do it again. [00:19:38] Speaker B: I hate that shit. That is so annoying. But I have dreams like those now instead of nightmares all the time. So any dream that it's not a nightmare is welcome. It's the ones where your teeth get pulled out. Those ones are creepy. [00:19:58] Speaker A: I have dream like, I had a dream the other day. I almost forgot about this. That I was a cop, that. That I was, like, a state trooper and I had a horse. [00:20:10] Speaker B: You had a horse? [00:20:12] Speaker A: Fuck. Yeah, it's like a mountie. And like, I was doing, I don't know, like, anything beyond that, but I'm like, why the fuck my dream about being a cop? Like, I saw what it takes to be a cop. And I'm like, nah, I'm good. I'm good. [00:20:29] Speaker B: Yeah, I knew that would happen too. You said you're gonna do it. I'm like, mmm. Okay, well, we'll see. I knew you weren't gonna do it. [00:20:39] Speaker A: I'll tell you this. Like, if it was just like, hey, you go in and they don't fucking ask questions, I'd be a copy. [00:20:46] Speaker B: They have to ask questions. [00:20:47] Speaker A: Why? [00:20:49] Speaker B: Because these people will not be put into authority. [00:20:52] Speaker A: They're already bad people. Just let fucking more bad people in. [00:20:56] Speaker B: It doesn't fix the problem. [00:20:58] Speaker A: Yeah. Fucking, you know, make it way worse. [00:21:04] Speaker B: I miss Brooklyn nine nine. [00:21:06] Speaker A: Is it over? [00:21:08] Speaker B: Yeah, like, they. They finished the finale season or whatever the fuck is called. Is it called a finale? [00:21:14] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:16] Speaker B: Is that the right way to say it? Or is that just like, is that the right way to say it? [00:21:22] Speaker A: The finale? Yes. That is the last episode. [00:21:25] Speaker B: We are clear. This is clearly a word from the language that we are butchering. [00:21:28] Speaker A: I feel like finale the last one. [00:21:34] Speaker B: But yeah, no, like I felt better about cops for a while and then like cops started to fucking shit up again and I was like, oh, but like, all cops are bad cops. [00:21:46] Speaker A: There are good cops and I'm friends with a few of them, but yeah, but let's get into some fucking news stories cuz I saw this the other day. So you remember those conjoined twins? Twins have two heads. [00:22:11] Speaker B: I don't know anything about it, but continue. [00:22:13] Speaker A: Okay, so there's conjoined twins. Like they share one body and they have two heads. [00:22:18] Speaker B: Oh, that sucks. [00:22:20] Speaker A: You know, two fully formed, you know, functioning, you know, articulable heads. You know, both like are like fully formed and everything. So, you know, just like, imagine a chick, but like, you know, just two heads. Like the fucking knights who say knee. [00:22:40] Speaker B: Yeah, that's such a good movie. [00:22:46] Speaker A: No, there's like the two headed fucking. [00:22:50] Speaker B: No, I'm talking about Monty Python. [00:22:51] Speaker A: Yeah, but so these, you know, girls came back out on, you know, Oprah in like, 1966 and it's just like fucking these two chicks here. Yeah, yeah. They didn't win the genetic lottery. [00:23:05] Speaker B: They did not. But these are two very strong women to have reached adulthood in this situation. [00:23:11] Speaker A: I mean, they're not fucking bad looking. [00:23:13] Speaker B: I wonder if they ever had points where they were trying to be suicidal. I would assume so. [00:23:19] Speaker A: Well, I mean, like, one controls one arm and one controls the other. It's like, imagine they're like trying to cut themselves and it's like, no, stop, no. And, you know, just like, you know, arms battling each other. [00:23:32] Speaker B: I don't know if they're able to feed each other. [00:23:34] Speaker A: Yeah, of course. [00:23:35] Speaker B: Like, I bet they can do all kinds of cool tricks. [00:23:37] Speaker A: Yeah, no, they, like, they went even born. Well, like, they, like. [00:23:44] Speaker B: Was. Was it a C section? [00:23:45] Speaker A: Like, I'm sure it was. [00:23:48] Speaker B: I'm sure it didn't come living their best life. [00:23:51] Speaker A: Yeah, no, they're having a great fucking time. [00:23:52] Speaker B: That's amazing for them. I'm so happy. [00:23:56] Speaker A: But one of them got married. Just one. And like, I want so desperately to know, like, they're. They did the fucking TLC show, you know, a few years back about, you know, who they were to make a bunch of money, I'm sure, to pay for all the doctor's appointments that they had to go towards. But they're 34 now and they're a teacher. I feel like it's like the only time that it's like, you know, you can say them and they them. [00:24:41] Speaker B: You can always say they them, but. [00:24:43] Speaker A: Like, it's like, they, you know? Yeah, both of them. [00:24:52] Speaker B: Why are you confused by this? [00:24:54] Speaker A: I'm not. It's just like, I'm like, oh, wow. But, like, I feel bad for, like, the other chick. This, you know, fucking crazy third wheel chick, you know? Cuz now she get, like, the other one got married. [00:25:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:07] Speaker A: And they share one fucking pussy. [00:25:09] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:10] Speaker A: You know, the tits. So, like, everything above, like, they have two of, like, you know, I have, like, three lungs, two stomachs, shit like that. [00:25:19] Speaker B: How many titties? [00:25:20] Speaker A: Two. [00:25:21] Speaker B: Aw. There could have been more. That's disappointing. [00:25:27] Speaker A: But, yeah, no, it's like, they don't really speak on, like, you know, sex stuff. I'm like, you girls could easily make $10 million starting only fans over night sell out. [00:25:46] Speaker B: Courtney, it's hard to be the third wheel, isn't it? [00:25:50] Speaker C: Well, I'm just a barely really laid back person. [00:25:55] Speaker B: See, like, babe, when you married me, you low key married my best friend. Like, we're attached. [00:26:02] Speaker C: Come on. [00:26:04] Speaker A: Yeah, but I don't have to, like, pay her for health insurance. [00:26:11] Speaker C: Nope. [00:26:16] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:26:18] Speaker A: You're still sharing all your stuff, too, on your phone? [00:26:25] Speaker C: I'm trying to, like, delete stuff. I need to delete some stuff. [00:26:37] Speaker A: Do you make cake mix with soda? What kind of fucking. [00:26:42] Speaker B: Okay, I've seen videos, and I understand how it works, but I would never eat it. [00:26:47] Speaker A: That's a bad idea. [00:26:49] Speaker B: No, it's science. [00:26:51] Speaker C: No, it's, like, so good. [00:26:54] Speaker B: It's really good. I know. [00:26:55] Speaker C: Like, that's what. Like, my dad's obsessed with them. Like, yeah, they're really good. [00:27:05] Speaker B: Man. [00:27:08] Speaker A: So it's like. [00:27:11] Speaker B: I always forget that, like, I make cake, and then I eat it, and I'm like, oh, wait, I forgot. I don't like cake. [00:27:16] Speaker A: So it's like, what if, like, one of the sisters, like, gets suicidal? It's like, I don't want to live anymore. Like, they just, like, chop off her head. Cause, like, they, like, share, like, the top half and, like, they can. You know. [00:27:42] Speaker B: They are pushing through a lot. [00:27:44] Speaker A: No, honestly, I feel like they're doing pretty all right. [00:27:48] Speaker B: They're doing all right, but they're strong. It's not easy to make those kinds of decisions. [00:27:53] Speaker A: Like, imagine, like, the chick's, like, we're gonna go suck my husband's dick. It's like, I don't want to suck dick. I was sitting here playing call of duty with one hand. It's like, nope. Now we're gonna go suck dick. And it's gonna be messy. It's like, ugh. Like, I always, like, wonder if, like, there was, like, one dude that, like, dated both of them and they're, like, in, like, a little fucking throubled thing. [00:28:21] Speaker B: Throuples are cool. [00:28:23] Speaker A: And it's like, I dig those. But, like, I imagine, like, a dude just, like, you know, putting his penis in between, like, both of their mouths. It's like, ah, it's like, the worst. But it's like, okay. [00:28:36] Speaker B: Oh, that's the best. Like, wouldn't you like it if two. If me and another girl were sucking you off at the same time? [00:28:44] Speaker A: Yeah, but that's her sister. [00:28:47] Speaker B: Is it, though? [00:28:47] Speaker A: It is, yeah. That is 100% her sister. They're conjoined twins. That I know the definition of it. And do they have separate ids like that? That's another question. [00:28:58] Speaker B: Of course they have separate ids. The government tracks everything. [00:29:02] Speaker A: And, like, how do they take that photo? It's like, all right, lean out of the way and sick. [00:29:08] Speaker C: It's annoying because they only get one paycheck. [00:29:12] Speaker B: Yes. That is annoying. Oh, my God, Courtney, that's super fucking annoying. [00:29:19] Speaker A: Yeah, well, do you know that or. [00:29:23] Speaker C: Yeah, because I watched some of their documentaries. [00:29:26] Speaker A: Oh, damn. Of course she would. In between watching Fox News. [00:29:36] Speaker B: I could not live like that. I say that from the outside because I don't know the experience personally, so I can only make judgments based on my own experiences. So truly, I have no right to judge. Like, I know. Like, I think I know what I would do in that situation, but I've never been that situation, so I honestly don't. [00:29:57] Speaker A: Honestly, I love it if these two would, like, go into, like, a wrestling, like, some, like, wwF fucking bullshit. Like, just fake wrestling. It's like the two headed check and, like, it buff and, like to start beating the shit out of people. [00:30:15] Speaker B: The blind bandit. [00:30:17] Speaker A: It'd be hilarious. [00:30:20] Speaker C: Hey, guys, look at these two pictures. I wanted to try them, and they were there from the pair website where you can. They have magnetic. You can replace the face of the thing. So which one do you think is better shape wise, though? This one. The Larkin. [00:30:39] Speaker A: Uh huh. [00:30:41] Speaker C: Or this one? The Jesse. [00:30:43] Speaker A: The larkin. [00:30:45] Speaker B: Frowning. Pick a different facial expression. [00:30:49] Speaker A: It's a neutral facial expression. [00:30:52] Speaker B: Yeah, it is. Sorry, I misjudged it. Facial expressions are hard to remember what they mean. You have no idea. [00:31:02] Speaker A: My wife has, like, a whole chart and she's, like, happy, sad, angry. [00:31:07] Speaker B: I do. I have a chart in my brain to help me decipher what faces mean. [00:31:11] Speaker A: Sunder. [00:31:12] Speaker B: And sometimes they're not always. Right. You know, like the nonogram puzzles. That's how I have to figure out facial expressions. I have to roll other things out in order to understand what's left. It's really hard to be me. [00:31:31] Speaker A: What? Like, if I fuck, I was, like, a two headed giant. Like, would you still, like, fucking be married to me? [00:31:42] Speaker B: Okay, I want to be married to both of you, not just one. [00:31:46] Speaker A: Well, you can't be married to both of us. [00:31:48] Speaker B: Why not? [00:31:49] Speaker A: Law. [00:31:51] Speaker B: But. [00:31:52] Speaker A: Okay, like, if I was to, like, run away, you know, hop on my bike, go to a different state, you know, and kind of, like, change my identity and then get married to a new chick, that marriage would be null and void because I'm still married to you. You cannot be married to multiple girls at once. [00:32:15] Speaker B: Okay, so I don't mean, like, legal wise. Like, I mean, like, that stage of the relationship. Like, I'd want to be with both of you, like, of your own volition, like, regardless of the state. Like, it's like, it would be a marriage to me whether I married just one or the other. It'd be a marriage of both, and that would be fine. [00:32:34] Speaker A: I mean, if I had, like, two dicks, like, that'd be awesome. [00:32:37] Speaker B: I mean, just you having two mouths would be fucking amazing. [00:32:42] Speaker A: It's like, you be able to kiss you on both sides of the cheek. Like, all right, bye. Yes, but, like, having, like, two dicks would be like, boom, boom, boom, boom. You know? And it's like, all right, I'm done. Your turn. Boom, boom, boom. You know? Like, one shrinks away so the other can fucking get in. [00:32:57] Speaker B: Oh, my God. That is literally the best. That's amazing. So, yeah, I would be perfectly fine, but both of you would want to have. I would want both of you to have a relationship with me that is reciprocated. I'm not explaining this very well. [00:33:13] Speaker A: Probably not. [00:33:17] Speaker B: Like, marriage is a contract in more than one way. Like, there's legal way, but then there's relationship between you and me where we have stipulations and boundaries that are respected. [00:33:33] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:33:34] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:38] Speaker A: Like, I find it funny that, like, Courtney's, like, just doing it one by one. Like, that's like, Courtney's, like, in here, like, deleting photos one by one. She's like, delete this one. Delete this one. [00:33:52] Speaker B: Well, yeah, sometimes you, like, look down and it's like, oh, shit. I have, like, all these fucking pictures. [00:33:58] Speaker C: And I can't really see. Like, I can't really see it, you know? [00:34:05] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:34:07] Speaker A: Did you get a door dash order. [00:34:10] Speaker C: Well, I was going to, actually. [00:34:12] Speaker A: Hell, yeah. What is this? [00:34:19] Speaker B: It's Arby's. Get what you want. [00:34:22] Speaker A: Arby's. They have them dinner yet? No. [00:34:27] Speaker B: Well, no dinner. Okay. [00:34:30] Speaker A: So, like, I was sleeping on the couch, and, like, it did not go. [00:34:34] Speaker B: Well, so best made plans. [00:34:39] Speaker A: My wife went to the store to, like, pick up a pickup order, and so I'm like, just taking a little snooze on the couch. I'm like, it'll be, you know, ten minutes max, you know, in and out. And then I wake up and she's still not there. My phone's in the other room. And so I go racing over to the other fucking room to get my phone because I'm like, something is not right. Hold up. Wait a minute. Something ain't right right now. And so, like, I look down, there's a voicemail and a missed call from my wife. I am thinking the worst. I'm like, oh, no. This is the police saying that my wife has been. [00:35:21] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:35:22] Speaker A: Shot to death. [00:35:23] Speaker B: So worried. I feel so bad. [00:35:25] Speaker A: I was very fucking worried. [00:35:28] Speaker B: Oh, my God, babe, I'm so sorry. [00:35:30] Speaker A: That I wouldn't have dinner. [00:35:34] Speaker C: Oh, my God, you were worried? Who knows what Alex could have gotten into? [00:35:40] Speaker A: I mean, car accidents, obviously, but I'm just like, oh, fucking don't crash the car before vacation. Like, that's, like, my first thought. [00:35:50] Speaker B: That'd be the worst thing ever. [00:35:54] Speaker A: I'm just, like, sitting there, like, my police station. Like, fucking crash tit. Sugar cone, 129 fucking dollars? The fuck is that? [00:36:10] Speaker B: What? [00:36:10] Speaker A: Do you not see this kid? Sugar cone for 120? [00:36:14] Speaker B: Oh. [00:36:17] Speaker C: That'S pretty funny. [00:36:18] Speaker B: That's supposed to be $12.99. [00:36:21] Speaker A: No, look, even the fucking sprinkled waffle bowl is only $3. [00:36:25] Speaker C: Yeah, it's a typo. [00:36:28] Speaker B: That's amazing. [00:36:29] Speaker C: It's probably only meant to be 129. [00:36:33] Speaker A: So order the kids sugar cone anyway. [00:36:36] Speaker B: Nuh uh. That's dangerous. [00:36:38] Speaker A: No balls. [00:36:40] Speaker B: Okay, so that was your side of the story. I went to Safeway. Cause we did a pickup order, and I checked in like a normal person, and I sat there and I waited, like, ten minutes, and I said, okay, cool. They must be, like, just, like, really busy. And I waited another ten minutes, and I'm like, okay, this is kind of weird. And then I waited a third ten minutes. I'm like, okay, it's been a half hour. And, like, I'm too anxious to call the phone number. Cause, like, I don't want to make them feel bad that they're, like, behind on shit. But then it's like 40 minutes. And a dude comes out, and I show my phone, he puts an order in the car, and it's fine. I'm like, okay, cool. We're just, like, really, like, understaffed and shit. I get home, like, I drove home, and then I go download the groceries, and it's somebody else's order. And so, like, I call. So I had ordered from a different location. So I called the location I ordered from, which was 15 minutes away, and I'm like, yo, I picked up somebody else's order, and this chick's like, oh, my God, how did that happen? One who scans the things. And so I was like, okay, well, I'm just gonna come by and drop off the wrong order and come get mine. She's like, okay, cool. I'll see you in a little bit. I drove to the location where I thought I had placed the order, and I walk in, and I'm like, I have. And I tell the person who's in charge of it, and it's a different voice. Like, it's not the same voice. And I was like, okay, colt, maybe I was just. I just was imagining the wrong voice or whatever. And so she was like, oh, my God, you have the wrong order. And so I give her that order, and literally, the person that that order was for had arrived, like, five minutes earlier. So I literally brought her her order back. And so things were fine. But then the people in the back were, like, looking for my order, and they're like, what? And I look at. And I keep looking at the app, I'm like, did I do something wrong? I did do something wrong. So I had to walk in and be like, okay, I ordered from another store, and they're like, oh, okay. This happens all the time. But I'm like, no, this is awful. So then I call back the first. The. The store where it was, and I speak to the first girl, and I'm like, hey, I'm at the wrong store. I'm on my way to come get you. And, like, she had literally had a panic attack because this is literally her first day at work. She thought she was going to get fired because she got the orders wrong. And, like. Cause, like, the poor thing had gone out to the parking lot and also waited, like, 40 minutes to be like, where is this chick who checked in for her groceries? Like, this was her first day, and I made it so awful for her. And, like, finally. So I called her, and I'm like, I'm on my way to come get my groceries. And like, she was like, okay, cool. She was like, thank fucking God. Like, that's how relieved she was. She cussed on the phone. That was probably being recorded. And so, like, I get there. Oh, my God, I felt so bad. She was so grateful that I came, and I was like, I'm so sorry I made your first day at work this miserable. I almost hugged her, but I didn't want to get out of the car. [00:39:43] Speaker C: Oh, my. [00:39:44] Speaker B: So, yeah, it was. There was a lot of work, but I gave someone else back their order. [00:39:52] Speaker A: I'm sure they're happy about that. [00:39:54] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, no, the chick was, like, parked next to me, and she was fucking stoked. [00:39:59] Speaker A: Yeah, I think that should be it. Yeah, no, I just like. I'm like, it's been too long. She's dead. [00:40:14] Speaker B: Did you even listen to the voicemail? [00:40:16] Speaker A: No. [00:40:17] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:40:19] Speaker A: I got. I went in, listened to it, and you started calling me back, and I'm like, okay. And she's like, I went to the wrong one. I'm like, I don't even know what time you left. [00:40:36] Speaker B: I left to the store around seven, and it was only 15 minutes there, so I was back by 730. But I feel so bad for that chick on her first day. She thought she was gonna get fired. She told me that, like, multiple times. [00:40:53] Speaker A: Why would she get fired? [00:40:54] Speaker B: Like, exactly. She wasn't gonna get fired, but she was worried about it. And I felt bad for that emotion. [00:41:01] Speaker A: The true bad emotion there is, you know, valuing a fucking retail job. Like, I feel bad for people that value those jobs. They're for felons and kids. [00:41:16] Speaker B: Well, yeah, it's a starting point. Just like with you. [00:41:21] Speaker A: Yeah, and, like, literally, when I worked at Wal. At retail. At any retail fucking store, I thought about crashing my car on the way to work so I wouldn't have to go to work. I'm like, I would lose my car, probably get a ticket, but I wouldn't have to go in today. [00:41:45] Speaker B: That is an awful feeling. [00:41:48] Speaker C: Remember that receptionist job that I got? [00:41:51] Speaker B: Oh, my God, that was so. Ugh. Like, being a receptionist is hard. It is very hard. It's awful. [00:42:02] Speaker A: And you have to deal with the worst of the worst. They're all shitty fucking people. And it's like, okay, I could, you know, do that. I could go into fucking work or I could fucking crash and not have to do that. Seems pretty fucking cut and dry to me. [00:42:19] Speaker B: I'm sorry. [00:42:19] Speaker A: You ever. [00:42:20] Speaker B: Ugh. [00:42:20] Speaker A: I mean, every day. Oh, this is every day? This is. Yeah. Just. [00:42:25] Speaker B: I can't imagine being that upset to not want to go to work. [00:42:30] Speaker A: Now I just, like, wake up. I'm like, f. No, I'm always so. [00:42:35] Speaker B: Happy to go to work. I love my job. I make no money, but I love my job. [00:42:40] Speaker A: Yeah, that's why you like your job. [00:42:42] Speaker B: You know, it's fun, and I get to do cool things. [00:42:48] Speaker A: You know? But, like, sometimes when you just have to do what needs to get done, you know, it's not exactly a glamorous job, but we do got some news. Florida. Because, you know, obviously, Florida man arrested for throwing fried chicken at sister during argument. Like, I would show up, take one look at this dude, and be like, um, he's not guilty. Obviously. He didn't throw that chicken. He probably threw a chicken bone. He's a black man. [00:43:28] Speaker B: I don't understand the correlation. [00:43:30] Speaker A: Black people like chicken. [00:43:32] Speaker B: Yeah, chickens. [00:43:33] Speaker A: So why would he waste some fucking chicken? [00:43:36] Speaker B: Oh, I understand. Continue. [00:43:39] Speaker A: I mean, it all depends on where the fucking chickens from, too. You know? They don't even fucking say where the chicken is from. You know, one piece, the fried chicken struck the victims back. I'm sure they can't fucking. Oh, churches. Yeah. No, there's no fucking way you wasted some church's chicken. Oh, hell no. I'm sure, like, the dude, like, threw it at his sister's back, and she, like, turned around and caught it and, like, with her mouth. Mmm. Delicious. Like a golden retriever with a tennis ball. [00:44:15] Speaker B: So you've been to a church's Texas chicken? [00:44:20] Speaker A: Well, church's chicken is its own fucking thing. Yeah. [00:44:23] Speaker B: Oh, is it like KFC? [00:44:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:44:25] Speaker B: Oh. [00:44:28] Speaker A: Like, they're all good. They. They all have their own little fucking charm, all these chicken places. [00:44:34] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:44:35] Speaker A: Yeah. You're not really too much of a chicken gal. [00:44:38] Speaker B: No, the only. No, I love the arby's chicken nuggets. I get. I'm getting that. Like, I finally found the chicken nugget that I like, and it's from Arby's. And I'm low key ashamed about that, I'm not gonna lie. But I love their chicken nuggets. [00:44:55] Speaker A: I mean, there's always good ones. There's ones that are fucking awful. Like, Burger king had, like, these fucking, you know, chicken fingers, chicken finger fry fucking things. They're like thin fucking pieces of shit. Of, like, just, you know, like a hot. Like a thin hot dog of chicken, you know, deep fried and, you know, breaded. I'm like, what the fuck is this horseshit that you are feeding me? And, like, that went away quickly because it was bad. I'm like, yeah, this is garbage. Y'all should feel bad that you thought that this was food. Burger King in general is just trash. [00:45:40] Speaker B: I think I've had Burger King once, and I wasn't impressed. [00:45:43] Speaker A: Nope. Burger King has lost a customer for life. Not that, like, any of their, you know, staff have done anything wrong. It's just their fucking quality of food is so goddamn low across many, many restaurants, I'm like, I don't. I can't trust you. [00:46:05] Speaker B: Like, there's, like, the main, like, fast food restaurants I stick to, which is literally two. And then there's, like, all the gray zones I've tried once. And then there's the no go zone, which is chick fil a. [00:46:17] Speaker A: Why not? [00:46:18] Speaker B: I will not support that freaking restaurant. [00:46:23] Speaker A: My favorite people are, like, the gay guys that go to chick fil a and, like, they'll sit in the drive through and, like, kiss each other. [00:46:31] Speaker B: Like, it costs me nothing to never eat their food. [00:46:35] Speaker A: I guarantee you that there's fucking gay porn with chick fil a. [00:46:39] Speaker B: No, like, sometimes, like, reps will come, like, bring us lunches, and twice it's been chick fil a, and even then, I still refuse to eat the food. [00:46:46] Speaker A: Now I have to find out if there's gay chick fil a free food. [00:46:50] Speaker C: I would eat it. [00:46:51] Speaker B: Nuh uh. I have no. It cost me nothing to not eat their food. And if I can't be bothered to literally just not use one fast food. [00:47:00] Speaker C: Restaurant, like Alex, I'm sure there's plenty of other restaurants and grocery stores and stuff that you're going to that have anti whatever. [00:47:14] Speaker A: I'm gay, and I eat chick fil a. Should I feel ashamed? Yeah. [00:47:17] Speaker B: No, it's vengeance. [00:47:25] Speaker A: It's like you are fucking, you know, putting a brand on everyone that works there. It's like, you know, if you've ever eaten at Jimmy John's, we don't all fucking hunt black fucking rhinos. You know, they've been hunted to extinction by the police. The police showed up. Black rhino. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. You're under arrest, scumbag. He's dead. Good. Sometimes I love the, like, defeated look in my wife's eyes. [00:48:02] Speaker B: No, I'm just mourning the book series I'm reading. You reminded me of it. [00:48:08] Speaker A: What? Fucking black rhinos are fucking systemically profiled? [00:48:15] Speaker B: No, the second series has destroyed everything I loved and was so dear to in the first series of the book. It has destroyed everything. And I still need to read it because I need closure. And it's so painful to keep reading it. [00:48:35] Speaker A: It hurts me dick filet. That's great. [00:48:38] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Yes. Like, is the special sauce on the dick. [00:48:46] Speaker A: I don't even think they bring in any fucking. Oh, it's just scapehorn. [00:48:52] Speaker B: Aw. I wanted to do to have, like, the salsa in his dick and then, like, sprinkle, like, the crunchies. And then the dude would start eating, like, the crunchies off the dick. That's where I assumed that was going. [00:49:07] Speaker A: Well, I I'm sure that they can't, like, truly put, like, fucking branded shit in a fucking porn video. [00:49:16] Speaker B: Probably not. That is correct. [00:49:19] Speaker A: But I'm sure some amateur people somewhere, like, on Reddit have done it and, like, you know, gotten, like. Like, they stuck their dick through, like, a fucking chick fil a sandwich and got their, you know, fucking dick sucked and, like, new white sauce on the fucking chick fil a sandwich. Delicious. [00:49:35] Speaker B: Amateur as a wasteland with buried treasures. [00:49:41] Speaker A: Yeah. And horrible fucking things as well. [00:49:44] Speaker B: Yes. No, you gotta find. You have to. Sometimes you have to explore to find something nice, but you still appreciate it. [00:49:52] Speaker A: But I just. I love, like, you know, police showing up, you know, I'm back on this, you know, black person fucking throwing chicken, and it's like, getting arrested. Cause you threw a fucking piece of chicken at your sister. Yo. Yo. I mean, here for fucking selling crack. Yo. I'm in here for fucking, you know, murdering a guy. What are you in here for? You know, just some hard shit. Oh, yeah? Like what? Oh, you don't want to hear nothing bad. I'm fucking hard as fuck. Dude. Dude, we've heard it all. Before. You go laid on us. I hit my sister. Damn. With church's chicken. Dude, you should get the death sentence for that. Holy fuck. The murderers, like, bowing down. Oh, my God, you're such a fucking hard ass. You. You. We're gonna fucking put tattoos of your face on us. This man fucking wasted church's chicken to fucking hurt his sister after she probably paid for it, leaving food debris on her shoulders. This is why America is going to hell. Oh, holy shit. Like, we've fucking blown through this week. And I saw, you know, this fucking, you know, title, and I like to just guess what it was. I read what it was, but the title just says, catholic priest in Pennsylvania spent 40,000 church money on slot machine apps. And I just like to imagine, like, he's, you know, on his phone fucking like, all right, we're gonna fucking win big. And, like, he's gambling all the money. It's way worse than that. So this fucking catholic priest was spending $40,000 on candy Crush, Mario Kart, and Pokemon go. The church's money. [00:52:22] Speaker B: And, like, say Pokemon again. [00:52:24] Speaker A: Pokemon. [00:52:25] Speaker B: But, no, you said it. Japanese the first time you said it. No, you didn't. Naturally. It was super cool. Continue. Like, you didn't even notice it was perfect. [00:52:35] Speaker A: No, I had, like, you know, something back of my throat. It's like, imagine getting caught fucking spending $40,000 on candy crush and Pokemon go. [00:52:52] Speaker B: How much money have you spent on garden scapes? [00:52:58] Speaker C: Why are we asking this? [00:53:03] Speaker A: Courtney's like, I don't. I'm. I don't want to be attacked right now. [00:53:08] Speaker C: Why, guys? Why do you do that? [00:53:18] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, like, I used to have a tool coordinator named Wade back in the oil field that he spent, I think, $12,000 on clash of clans. And I look at him, I'm like, $12,000. If a game asked me for money too many times, I uninstall it. If it has just, like, random fucking, hey, full screen ad without your permission, uninstall it. [00:53:55] Speaker B: So what's the difference between doing that versus paying, like, $60 for a game? [00:54:03] Speaker A: Well, Call of Duty. I spent $30. [00:54:06] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:54:08] Speaker A: And I get to play with multiple people. I get access to full fucking game. [00:54:15] Speaker B: Yeah. So why is it shame to spend money on an app, but it's still fine to spend money on a computer game? Or, like, for. [00:54:20] Speaker A: Because I'm not spending $12,000 on one fucking game. [00:54:25] Speaker B: I know, but spending a similar amount to purchasing the app, I think, is. Is. It's not ashamed as it should be, but 12,000 is indeed excessive. [00:54:35] Speaker A: Well, that priest was spending 40 G's. It's like. Like, I want to know what the fucking sermon was the next Sunday after they all found out. They're like, all right, we're going to fucking learn about theft today. You know, turn your bibles to. [00:54:57] Speaker B: No, I just finally got caught up with you thing with using the income for their own purpose. [00:55:02] Speaker A: I would much rather a fucking priest be profit. I'd much rather a priest. I would much rather a priest be fucking doing this and spending all this money willy nilly than fucking kids with this. Willy nilly. [00:55:20] Speaker B: Oh, my. You dissed mine. [00:55:26] Speaker A: All right, now we got. Am I the asshole? Because we fucking spent too much time. Bullshit. Am I the asshole by important writing, eight, asshole. For accepting money from my parents for my wedding, then eloping? My parents gave each of my brothers $50,000 when they graduated from university as a down payment on their home. [00:55:57] Speaker B: Holy shit. [00:55:59] Speaker A: When I graduated, they did not do the same for me. I asked them about it and said my husband should. They said my husband should provide. I wasn't married. I still lived at home. Three years later, I met my husband. We dated for a year and then got engaged. My parents were overjoyed. We then set a date, and they gave me a check for $50,000 to pay for the wedding. What the fuck? I took the check and we eloped. We used a check as a down payment on a house. My husband had a similar amount saved up, so we are in a good spot with equity. [00:56:35] Speaker B: Oh, that's nice. [00:56:36] Speaker A: My parents were bare furious that they didn't get a big wedding for all their friends and family to attend. Yeah, yeah, they said. They gave me the medic, the money for a wedding. My argument is that I got married and I had leftover money, accurate in my books. My brothers are on their side, so I'm asking if I'm in the wrong. Am I the asshole? [00:56:58] Speaker B: Sexism? [00:56:58] Speaker C: Nope. [00:57:00] Speaker A: Okay, opie, I can see it from your parents point of view, and these girls are gonna fucking be on your side. You know, tyra Banks, woman power. Fucking get yours, girl. [00:57:09] Speaker B: Women support women. [00:57:10] Speaker A: But, you know, for your parents, they did do. [00:57:14] Speaker C: Their parents didn't put any stipulations. [00:57:17] Speaker B: No, they did it the way they screwed her over. [00:57:20] Speaker A: No. Well, I mean, they gave her a check for $50,000 to pay for the wedding. [00:57:26] Speaker B: I thought it was 40,050. [00:57:27] Speaker A: $50,000. [00:57:30] Speaker B: Okay. For some reason, I thought it was a smaller amount. [00:57:32] Speaker A: No, 50 G's. 50 large. And they, you know, each of her brothers got $50,000 just when they graduated from university. She didn't get that. She also graduated, too. And, you know, she. To her, you know, to your word, you did spend it on getting eloped at the courthouse. Cool. They expected that to be used for a wedding, though. Yeah. When someone gives you a gift, you know back, hey, use this to go buy a fucking car to get your, you know, yourself back on your feet. And then they go and, you know, buy cocaine with it. And it's like, dude, what the fuck? [00:58:14] Speaker B: I mean, technically, we also eloped if you want to get down to the basics. [00:58:19] Speaker A: We didn't get fucking $50,000, though. [00:58:21] Speaker B: We didn't. But we eloped. And then we had a ceremony later, and it was wonderful. [00:58:25] Speaker A: Yeah, my dad did help, you know, fucking, you know, fund this house. [00:58:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:58:31] Speaker A: So not. But it's like, I didn't get no 50,000. But, you know, that's fine. I don't care. [00:58:40] Speaker B: Your dad helped us. We needed. And that was it. [00:58:44] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, I don't need more money. And. [00:58:49] Speaker B: Your dad said. [00:58:50] Speaker A: I mean, like, if he's, you know, handing out fucking money, like, you know, to everybody, I'll take it. But. [00:59:01] Speaker B: He wasn't over generous. [00:59:03] Speaker A: But, yeah, no, like, you knew how. [00:59:04] Speaker B: You felt about it. [00:59:06] Speaker A: Well, it's like, I spent a fucking pretty goddamn penny. [00:59:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:59:11] Speaker A: You know, getting in there, too. So. Yeah, it was rough. [00:59:18] Speaker B: I'm sorry. It was. No hope. [00:59:22] Speaker A: I mean, it worked out. Thanks, Gamestop. Thanks, AMC. Paying for my fucking house. Yeah, like, I. Your parents are right. They gave you fucking money with the expectation that you do this with it. They. You did not do that with it. You did not have a fucking $50,000 wedding, which you could have a $10,000 wedding, which is still a decent sized wedding, and then, you know, pocket the other 40 G's. But honestly, you dated for a year and then got engaged like that. That's insane. [01:00:04] Speaker B: It is a short time. [01:00:05] Speaker C: I agree with you, but, I mean, it's pretty common. [01:00:11] Speaker B: It is common. [01:00:11] Speaker A: I waited seven years. But, you know. You do. [01:00:15] Speaker B: You dragged your feet. Yep. [01:00:19] Speaker C: It's so funny. [01:00:20] Speaker B: But it was worth the wait. [01:00:21] Speaker A: Yep. Should be so. Yep. Let's see what the fucking comments say. Not the asshole. Your family's being horrible. Using a bullshit double standard. Yeah, but guess what? They can put whatever fucking standards they want. It's their fucking money. [01:00:39] Speaker B: But was it stipulated in the beginning? If there is no conversation of what was expected? There was money. [01:00:46] Speaker A: They sent him a check. You know that. You know, we set. Set a date. They gave me a check for $50,000 to pay for a wedding. You know that. That was a stipulation. Hey, use this to fucking. I'm sure the parents could fucking go through. [01:01:02] Speaker B: And I thought she set a date. And then the parents showed up out of nowhere, and we're like, wait. All of a sudden we're. [01:01:07] Speaker A: No, she had a good relationship with her parents the entire time, so. [01:01:16] Speaker C: Well, I mean, she lived with them. She kind of had to. [01:01:19] Speaker B: True. [01:01:21] Speaker A: Yeah. No, she still lived at home, but, you know, three years after you met her husband, and they dated for a year, got engaged. But it's like you took the fucking money and ran. [01:01:37] Speaker B: I'm assuming the money was given to her brothers with no stipulations. [01:01:41] Speaker A: It was meant to fucking be a down payment on their house. [01:01:44] Speaker B: Exactly. So that's what she did. [01:01:48] Speaker A: I mean, I don't blame you, but I understand why your parents are mad like that. That's the point I'm trying to make. [01:01:54] Speaker B: Okay? It's understandable that the parents are mad, but op is not at fault for the parents being mad. [01:01:59] Speaker A: Nope. You know, you're not the asshole. You know, you might be a little bit morally wrong, but that. That's what that is. Now, onto relationship advice by throwaway. I, male, 20, accidentally punched my girlfriend, 24 female, during sex. How can I get her to forgive me? [01:02:18] Speaker B: Oh, no. Oh, what? [01:02:20] Speaker A: So I, 20 male, accidentally punched my girlfriend, 24 female, in the side about three or four days ago. She's still not talking to me. I want to fix this since it was an accident and I don't know how to get her to talk to me, being the lead there. Me and my girlfriend have been together for about eight months and I really like her. She's pretty, sweet, funny, a total nerd like me. She likes dark souls, my dream girl. She's also a bit older, which I'm into. Yeah, not that older. [01:02:53] Speaker B: It's. There's a difference between 20 and 24. [01:02:59] Speaker A: But she's kind of weird in a fun, quirky way. She's an amazing partner and has been very supportive of the stupid things I do and like. But I say this is so no one gets the wrong idea about her. My girlfriend likes to experiment a lot and has a super open mind. She's always telling me about something mid to super weird or underground that I've never heard of that she wants to try. It could be anything, food, positions, hobbies, clothes, or whatever. Around last week, she mentioned some bedroom things involving more of a dominatrix vibe. I was cool with this in part, but then she brought up the specifics of what she wanted to try. She wanted to try pegging, but I didn't. She's been watching the videos and doing her research, trying to convince me, but I wasn't on board with it. I usually try everything else with little to no resistance, but I'm just not on with this one. She was pretty sad about it and sort of sulked for a while, but I wasn't changing my mind every time there was a no. Every time. After the first no, I wasn't exactly firm. Since I love my girlfriend and didn't want her to be sad, I made it obvious so that I was uncomfortable with it and didn't want to try it. However she brought it, whenever she brought it up, I awkwardly said, haha, I don't know babe, and quickly change the subject. Blah blah blah blah blah. Well, any, you know, way a few days ago she tried it. She dressed up, and I was pretty excited. She started the whole domi mommy thing, and I was getting really into it. Maybe that's why she thought I was okay with it. She was on top of me and put her finger near my ass. Honestly, I didn't notice at first because we were kissing, and it was really hot. You know how it is. But then she put her finger in, and I automatically felt that I punched her. Without thinking, I punched her in the side, which she pulled out, and it hurt like fuck. And I pushed her off me rough, and she fell to the edge of the bed, you know, and I wasn't trying to hurt her. It was just a reflex. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, yeah. Your girlfriend fucking, you know, tldr my girlfriend tried pegging me, kind of. So I punched her in the side and shoved her. I miss her and, you know. Want her to talk to me? Please help. [01:05:42] Speaker B: Yeah. Dude, what the fuck? Oh, my. I'm so sorry. [01:05:48] Speaker A: You're still young. Um. [01:05:50] Speaker B: I'm so sorry. [01:05:51] Speaker A: Sometimes I get away. You can't hit women normally. [01:05:57] Speaker B: I'm so sorry, op. [01:06:01] Speaker C: There was this one guy that, um, posted, and I guess he'd been sexually assaulted by his mother and was like, um. It was really bad. And then so his girlfriend goes down on him in his sleep, and, like, I guess she's done other stuff, other questionable stuff. I don't remember. But she went down on him, and he accidentally hit her when he woke up. And, like, he started having, like, flashbacks of, like, him being sexually assaulted. And he broke up with her, and I guess he found out that she does does this to other. Like, she's done it to two other people before. [01:06:52] Speaker B: Like, sounds. [01:06:54] Speaker C: I don't know what it was, but she's found people. [01:06:57] Speaker A: I mean, I get it. Fucking having a dick is awesome. Yeah. And just being like, I wonder what it's like to fucking put things in holes. You know, that that's why men love golf. They're like, I'm putting fucking things in holes. It's great. But, yeah, I mean, you know, she fucking crossed a boundary. [01:07:21] Speaker B: She crossed a huge boundary. [01:07:24] Speaker A: And, you know, like. But sometimes you just got to go for some shit. But, yeah, it's. [01:07:37] Speaker B: It's salt. [01:07:38] Speaker A: Sorry, Opie. You just lost a girlfriend over some dumb shit. But guess what? Wait until you find fucking, you know, 40 year old divorced women. Holy shit. I'm sure they can fuck this and suck the, you know, sadness right out of your penis. Go pee. But, yeah, that's it. Thank you all so much for fucking being here. You can follow me. Instagram, Twitter, all that dumb bullshit. Alexa truck. I'm on the Internet. And check out my other fucking podcasts that are coming soon. Eventually. Fuck Connor. Which is just a fucking night at the Starlight lounge, which is a gay bar. Yeah, that's it. And we will be back fucking next week. Bye.