Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Mm hmm.
[00:00:00] Speaker B: Alrighty, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Human podcast. We are back yet again for another episode. This time we're actually recording on the day that we're releasing because I've been busy, and this entire month, I'm gonna be busy, like, every fucking weekend I have something fun planned, and next week, it's going to be getting my concealed carry permit so I can, you know, hide a gun under my clothes.
[00:00:33] Speaker C: You're so excited for it.
[00:00:35] Speaker B: Honestly, I'm gonna have it and, like, maybe never use it, you know, just to have it. Just to have it, you know?
[00:00:44] Speaker C: I understand that.
[00:00:46] Speaker B: It's, like, I have a ton of guns, a lot of them, and there's a good chance I'm never gonna use a single one of them, but if I have it, yeah, you know, it's less chance I get in trouble.
But.
But this last weekend, on Friday, I went out to a card shop, which I haven't been to in five years. I haven't played cards, I haven't looked at my cards, nothing. And I contemplated just selling them all and just, like, get the fuck out of here. I don't care about any of you. Um, and I walk in, and I'm, like, expecting to see a bunch of new people.
And. No, of course I see the exact same fucking people.
I'm like, do you guys do anything? Nope. They look the same. Dress the same. They're the same fucking people. Oh, and I forgot to introduce everybody. I'm Alex the truck. This is my wife over here. Not the truck. And then we got Courtney on. On the other side.
[00:01:48] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:01:49] Speaker A: Courtney.
[00:01:50] Speaker B: Courtney.
But.
[00:01:53] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:01:54] Speaker B: But, like, Courtney, like, would you ever go into, like, a card shop?
[00:01:59] Speaker A: Like, what type of card shop? Like.
[00:02:01] Speaker B: Like, the gathering. Yeah. Magic. The gathering. Yu gi. Oh. Pokemon. All that.
[00:02:06] Speaker A: Yeah, I've been on one already.
[00:02:09] Speaker B: When?
[00:02:09] Speaker A: Like, the one downtown in Colorado. There's one downtown?
[00:02:15] Speaker B: I mean, they're. They're everywhere.
[00:02:17] Speaker A: Yeah. And Alex. Me and Alex went to one when I visited up north, and I think there was one in castle Rock or something.
[00:02:26] Speaker B: I've never been to that one. Like, we, like, when you go to a card shop, you, like, stay with the same card shops. Like, I have three, and those are the only three I'll ever go to. Fuck any of the other ones. I don't care. Like, I don't care if they're offering free cards, free comics. Get out of here. I'm not gonna come in there and, you know, give you patronage.
Yeah, I don't even know if the three are still open anymore. I know two of them are, but I'm not sure about the last one. Haven't even driven past it. Hopefully it's open, but it's vans muse comic shop out here in Colorado Springs and enchanted realms.
You know, there's lions lair up north.
No, like, I'm just not driving that far to go play cards.
Oh. Like, I went in there with a friend one time because he was, like, selling something to get something else. But I'm like, I'm not giving you any of my money. Fuck off. But, yeah, same exact people. But they're so fucking autistic.
Like, they are my people.
The amount of suspenders I saw in that fucking place made me feel right at home. I, like, looked around, was wearing my suspenders. I'm like, oh, shit, it's all suspenders.
Fuck, yeah. My people.
And then, like, a bunch of them, like, they recognized me, but they didn't know my name because they've, like, forgotten that. Like, I walked in and, like, the owner, I guess, looked at me, it's like, hey, you.
And I'm like. I'm like, you know, I'm like, I remember your name, but that's because I don't know too many people out here. And then, like, I had to navigate around not knowing other people's names until somebody else would say it. I'm like, ah, I gotcha. Hey, Charlie, you know? I'm like, oh, fuck. Yeah.
But, yeah, everyone's like, dude, I think I recognize you. I'm like, you definitely do because I recognize you.
But no shot that, you know, you'll ever, like, remember my name. It's fine.
But I went in there and played some magic gathering, got some of the new cards, and it made me realize something really fucking quick.
The money is not in the cards. The money isn't keeping sealed product.
So the people that keep, like, sealed boxes of action figures, that's dumb. Keep sealed boxes of, like, magic, the gathering, Pokemon, Yugioh, whatever the fuck. Sealed product never opened.
You know, and then you can sell it for ridiculous sums of money down the road because, like, everything they had in that shop that was sealed product was like, $300 came out in the last five years. And I guarantee it was not $300 when it first came out.
Just pre order everything, get it for MSRP, keep it sealed, and then, you know, go sell it on eBay later. That's how you make money in cards.
Now, sometimes you're lucky and you open a random pack and you've, like, pull out the $500 card. Oh, yeah, I did it.
But the chances of that are a lottery ticket.
The. You know, it is exactly. It's. It's lottery for children. That. That's what it. That's what card games are. It's just, you know, child's lottery tickets.
You crack the packets, you know, same as scratching.
Open up the pack and look through it. What did I get?
And you only have, like, two chances to win.
And it's that hope that you get something you really want.
Honestly, the best way to play magic.
Keep sealed product and then sell everything else.
You know, that if you're, like, forced to open it and buy the exact cards you need.
Sad.
But after I did that, I went back home because my friend Tron was like, hey, come out and play, commander. I'm like, I don't have any of this shit anymore. I'm five years out.
There's no way I'm gonna go look for it or find it. I don't care.
I probably burnt it in a fire. Probably threw it away, gave it away. I don't care. But sadly, had a ton of freaking cards.
[00:07:19] Speaker A: It was crazy.
[00:07:21] Speaker B: You wanna know something crazy?
I gave 20,000 cards away.
[00:07:27] Speaker A: Geez.
[00:07:28] Speaker B: 20? I still probably have another 20,000.
[00:07:32] Speaker C: Oh, undoubtedly.
[00:07:33] Speaker B: Like, I'm looking at a full box right there. Like, a huge fucking box. Like, you know, a ten by 20 box full of fucking cards.
And my backpack is full of cards. And, like, I have, like, another giant card box in the closet, and then I'm sure I have more cards in the basement. I'm just.
[00:07:54] Speaker C: Yeah, now you're swimming in cards, babe.
[00:07:57] Speaker B: Like. Like, I have so many cards, I could not lift all my cards.
It was that heavy.
[00:08:04] Speaker C: I remember we were moving, and you're like, you grabbed one of the big boxes, you start putting your cards in it, and I'm like, you're not gonna lift that, babe? And you're like, nah, it's fine. Well, you filled it all the way up, like, three foot deep box and then tried to pick it up, and you could not.
[00:08:20] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. Magically gathering is fucking expensive and heavy, and I would much rather have all the money that I spent on it than, you know, the cards I do now. It's fine.
You know, like, I could easily sell, like, you know, all my cards for, like, a $1,000. Just make bulk price. Here you go. $1,000. It's all yours.
And I'm sure I can give someone to pay that price.
The big dude. Your fucking binders are crazy. I'm like, my binders are old.
So, I mean, you know, if you keep old, shit, you know, goes up in value. But I feel like magic Pokemon, and, like, maybe you yell is dead.
Everything else, go fuck yourself. Oh, I have card fight, vanguard cards. Yeah, there's now useless. No one plays.
Like, I kind of wonder, like, it's like baseball cards.
You know, there's people that fucking spent thousands upon thousands on baseball cards and football cards and any sports cards.
Like, yeah, I got a picture of a sports player fucking holding a bat and some of his stats on the back and a little blurb about him, and it's like, oh, yeah, that's Jackie Robinson. It's like, that's worth seventeen cents to someone that's willing to pay seventeen cents to have that card.
Oh, look, there's 50,000 other people are trying to sell it for $0.17. Good luck.
It's like trying to sell rocks. You're not gonna do it.
But Saturday, the. The reason why we're recording today, we went to the circus.
[00:10:08] Speaker C: You went to the circus?
It was so much fun.
[00:10:15] Speaker B: And honestly, I did not think it was going to be that good.
[00:10:19] Speaker C: No, I didn't think it was going.
[00:10:20] Speaker B: To be that good. I had low expectations for the circus. We immediately got there. Everyone was being a little cunt, and no one had any idea what was going on.
[00:10:35] Speaker C: It was very disorganized.
[00:10:37] Speaker B: Like, as far as the parking, you know, the seating, any of that, the lines, it was a fucking clusterfuck.
Like, we arrived, and, like, the lady at the gate was just, you know, like, this fat lady sitting in a chair, you know, not really paying attention to anything.
[00:10:57] Speaker C: I mean, we did enter the parking lot the wrong way, though.
[00:11:00] Speaker B: I mean, there's two gates, no signs for it, and, like, we see some cars, and, you know, she's just, like, sitting, like, against a wall, like, in the shade.
[00:11:11] Speaker C: Like, you could not see her until you got into the parking lot.
[00:11:14] Speaker B: And she'd say, you need something.
I'm like, well, she was. She whispered it, but, like, just like, this fat, like, old bitter lady. It's like, stop being that lady. Like, you. You can, you know, manifest your own happiness. Get out of this job. And I feel like she was just pissed because she had to come and open the gates for this event, probably, and she had to stay there all fucking day, and she couldn't go. Enjoy the event.
I'm like, you're not giving instructions on where to park.
I'm like, oh, that. That was entirely unhelpful. You could have just not been here, and everything would have been fine.
You could have just gone the fuck home.
So we, like, go in and find a parking spot. And it's crazy, because normally when the state fair is going on, there is no parking inside the state fair. You park on a dirt lot across from the state fair.
That costs you, like, $5 free parking. It was great. So we get in, you know, find a parking lot, park inside the parking lot. Cool. We get into the line, and, you know, some dude comes in. If you need to buy tickets, it's over there.
[00:12:32] Speaker C: And I'm, like, the only attempt at.
[00:12:35] Speaker B: Organization, and no one needed to buy tickets. Like, everyone bought tickets online.
[00:12:42] Speaker C: There's a few people at the buy the ticket stand.
[00:12:45] Speaker B: There's, like, two. I'm like, who would come here and buy tickets now? Like, you knew about it from the website. There was no posters. There was no, like, radio ads.
You know, it was just like, hey, Facebook was, like, their marketing.
I know, mo. Hello. Would you like to come in here and sit down? Would you like to sit. Sit down.
Like, you would be the worst fucking evil villain cat. You'd just be like a cat that.
[00:13:19] Speaker C: Just like, no, she's the best. She causes chaos.
[00:13:22] Speaker B: Yeah, you just caused a huge amount of chaos right there.
[00:13:26] Speaker C: I fell in the box.
[00:13:28] Speaker B: In the box where? What box? I don't even. Oh, there it is. I found it.
Ah, God damn it, mo.
Can you, like, not.
I'm, like, trying to do. Trying to make a shitty podcast here.
[00:13:45] Speaker C: A cat is a cat being a cat.
[00:13:47] Speaker B: You're, like, the worst feeling cat ever. But I love you anyway.
[00:13:51] Speaker C: She's so perfect.
[00:13:51] Speaker B: So, yeah, we get there, get in line, and, you know, it's like, you know, a bunch of people standing in line, a bunch of children screaming at the top of their lungs.
[00:14:02] Speaker C: Yeah, they were bored.
[00:14:03] Speaker B: I don't know why your children need to scream and run around where people are driving. Keep your kids controlled.
But I'm like, that's fine. It's a circus. You know, you're supposed to bring your kids, so I'm not, you know, nagging on that too hard.
That's fine. And so, like, they let us in, you know, an hour before the show, you know. 530. I'm like, cool, cool. We got here, like, 15 minutes before they let everyone in. That's awesome. And we're, like, walking in or scanning the things.
There's, like, a couple performers just kind of, like, walking around clowns and shit.
And then they have, like, the cheapest, like, food stand, like, pre made hot dogs. Pre made snow cones and so. So, yes.
What was that thing you got? Funnel cakes.
[00:15:12] Speaker C: Funnel cake?
[00:15:13] Speaker B: Yeah. It's so. So funnel cakes.
[00:15:15] Speaker C: Like it's a circus. I didn't expect it to be any better than what it was. I was like, yep.
[00:15:19] Speaker B: I mean, like, they could have used a little bit more time in the fryer, but they had to get a. A bunch of these funnel cakes out.
[00:15:24] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:15:25] Speaker B: So they get a pass on that. I mean, it was an edible funnel cake. It was fully cooked. Quantity over quality just wasn't, like, as crunchy as I wanted it.
[00:15:37] Speaker C: It was still good.
[00:15:39] Speaker B: Like, soft doughnut, you know? I'm like, okay, cool.
Hot dog was okay.
And it was efficient. Like, they worked on efficiency, and I appreciated that.
Then my wife went over, got her face painted, you know, $10 pink kitty face with sparkles.
[00:15:59] Speaker C: Oh, my. Lots of sparkles.
[00:16:01] Speaker B: You sent a picture to Courtney, right?
[00:16:02] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:16:03] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:16:03] Speaker A: Yep. It was so cute.
[00:16:05] Speaker B: Yeah. So we got our face painted and then got a seat, and it was.
[00:16:11] Speaker C: Brilliant because there was a jump house. So, like, there was an opportunity for kids to get some of their energy out before they were asked to. Still for 45 minutes.
[00:16:21] Speaker B: Didn't work.
[00:16:22] Speaker C: They did their best. It was. I appreciated it.
[00:16:25] Speaker B: And in the flyer, they say camel rides, elephant rides, and all kinds of shit like that.
And to their credit, during the intermission, they had, like, this little fucking train that they were riding around. The train was cute and, like, a fake buffalo that they let kids, like, sit up on.
I'm like, that's not really a ride, though. But, like, I guess, yes. Mo, do you need attention now that I'm, like, not paying attention to you?
[00:17:03] Speaker C: I just wanted to see the acrobats, and I was not disappointed.
[00:17:08] Speaker B: And so, yeah, like, they, like, we got sat in our seat, and, like, this lady was like, we have babies coming. Like, as we, like, sat there, like, five minutes, and she like, you need to move. We have babies coming. I'm like, they should have been here already.
And so we, like, scooted down a bit because we had room, and, like, oh, whatever.
No babies came? No, she didn't have anyone else come.
[00:17:32] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:17:33] Speaker B: And so, like, 30 minutes later, there's, like, another lady that shows up, and she's like, anyone sitting there? I'm like, no, go for it. And so there's, like, just two people, and then they brought, like, 15 other fucking people, like, sit on each other's laps there. And I'm like, what the fuck? Like, you knew how many people were coming.
I'm not moving.
[00:17:54] Speaker C: No, you're set.
[00:17:55] Speaker B: In place, and, like, they didn't complain about it. They made it work, you know, I'm like, good for you. You understood what you signed up for.
You got it.
But the show was incredible. Like, they did really well.
[00:18:13] Speaker C: It was super cool.
[00:18:14] Speaker B: They had three different rings, and they.
[00:18:18] Speaker C: Had different shows going on and the different rings. So if you were sat on one end, it wasn't like you were missing something just because it was center stage. You had your own kind of mini show. And I'm super happy where we sat. I liked the acts that we saw from RC where that actually liked the most.
[00:18:33] Speaker B: Yeah. So, yeah, there's, like, just three rings, and, like, like, they turn off the lights for one as they got set up, and they're like, hey, look over here. As they set up on another ring, it was good and sneaky, and it was, like, constant action. It wasn't speeches in between.
[00:18:50] Speaker C: Yeah, thank God for that.
[00:18:52] Speaker B: There's, like, one awkward speech at the beginning. Like, three old men. I'm like, are they running for president or something? I don't know what's happening.
[00:19:00] Speaker C: It was awkward.
[00:19:02] Speaker B: Like, you read off of a paper and, like, whispered in the microphone, like, ugh, you guys are the worst. But everybody else is awesome. There was, like, acrobats, like, hanging from their hair, which I didn't realize at first.
I'm like, wait a minute. Are they hanging from their hairdouse?
And I'm like, they're just getting swung around. I'm like, oh, my gosh.
I imagine they get home to their husbands or boyfriends, like, grab my hair.
And he gets a fistful of hair, and he's like, no, grab it harder.
And he's like, ugh. He's like, you're a little pussy. I hang from my hair for a living. Grab my fucking hair. And the dudes just emasculated. He's like, like, lifting this woman up and, like, swinging around. He's like, grab my hair. It's like, okay.
I mean, like, I like, there's some women that like that. So I wonder if, like, they enjoy it, like, sexually.
[00:20:07] Speaker C: It wasn't, like, actually attached to their hair. There was a harness.
[00:20:10] Speaker B: No, no, it's attached to their hair.
There was no harness.
Like, they had their hair, like, you know, like, in a ponytail and, like, looped around, and it was attached to their hairline. Like, I looked for any harness, and there was, like, no safety measures whatsoever in this entire circus, not a single one. So if they fell, they fell, and not a single one of them fell. Like, I wanted it. Like, there's, you know, part of me that's, like, full. Just full and no, like, they're all immaculate professionals.
And there was, like, one dude that almost died.
[00:20:53] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:20:56] Speaker B: So it was like, like a ring of death where it, like, spins around like the zippers at the carnival.
And so it gets to the top, and he pulls out a jump rope and starts jump roping on this thing, and the jump rope hits his foot, and I see him almost fucking die.
Like, at the top, I'm like, oh, shit, that's like a 30 foot drop. Like, I'm gonna watch this guy die. I'm, like, upset that I'm not filming it.
Like, I filmed the motorcycles. Cause I'm like, if they're gonna die, it's gonna be great footage.
Like, I'm gonna be able to sell this to, like, TMZ or something for, like, a couple bucks.
Nope, no one fucking died. It was all amazing acts, even, like, the silly ones. Like, there's a bear tamer, and he comes out with, like, a fucking stuffed bear, you know, just like a clown act and. Yeah, I mean, honestly, if the Jordan world Fet or if the Jordan world carnival comes to your town. Yeah, go, go see it, you know, for $10 a ticket. Well worth it, you know, like an hour and a half, 2 hours show.
Yeah, hour and a half show.
[00:22:16] Speaker C: It was great.
[00:22:17] Speaker B: With an intermission in between.
[00:22:19] Speaker C: Oh, and I got a Minecraft sword. It lights up.
[00:22:22] Speaker B: You got a Minecraft sword and a balloon that lights up?
[00:22:25] Speaker C: Yeah, the balloon too, but the swords, the best.
[00:22:31] Speaker B: But, yeah, they came around with a bunch of noisemakers, a bunch of light up shit, a bunch of.
[00:22:36] Speaker C: Stuff to keep the kids entertained, stuff.
[00:22:38] Speaker B: To annoy the parents later.
[00:22:40] Speaker C: Yes, those poor parents.
[00:22:42] Speaker B: I'm like, oh, that. That's awful.
[00:22:44] Speaker C: It's just mean.
[00:22:47] Speaker B: And, like, they are only taking cash, and I feel like those people will, like, you know, got it at a cheaper price. And, like, they, you know, get to keep, like, the profit that they make off of it.
[00:23:00] Speaker C: I would assume so.
[00:23:01] Speaker B: Like, that. That's like, a good way to get them paid.
[00:23:03] Speaker C: Mm hmm.
[00:23:04] Speaker B: It's like, hey, we're gonna sell you these swords at, like, $5 a piece.
And you, you know, only pay us after you get paid. So you get, like, you know, ten of these swords and this gun and blah, blah, blah, like that. That's a good way to do it. It's like, okay, I have an empty box.
Okay, here, pay us now and you can refill your box and then keep on going out there. And keep on selling.
You know, people with popcorn, you know, people with snow cones.
Yeah. Like, they just filled kids up with sugar and noise making toys and light up shit.
And they're like, good luck, now go home.
And the people, like, sitting next to us, like, the 15 people, like, they had to, like, leave, like, every 5 seconds too. I'm like, yeah, where are you going?
[00:24:05] Speaker C: They are not coherent.
[00:24:06] Speaker B: I'm like, sit down. Enjoy the show. Stop getting up and moving all the fucking time.
And I'm like, but I didn't say anything. I'm just like, okay, cool.
Yeah. I'm like, you know, be a calmer person, be a nicer person.
But I did want to punch that lady sitting in the chair.
[00:24:29] Speaker C: Oh, my God. During the first part, there was a kid behind us who would not stop kicking my back.
[00:24:34] Speaker B: Yeah, no, he kicked my back, too.
[00:24:36] Speaker C: Okay. Yeah. Cause, like, I got fed up. I turned around, he went to kick me, and I grabbed his ankle for a second, and we locked eyes, and he was like, oh, shit. And then he stopped.
I didn't know what I was gonna do, and I turned around, but I was fed up. And, like, apparently my response was to grab him by the foot and, like, yeah, I have the power now.
He stopped.
[00:24:57] Speaker B: Yeah, no, I, like, you know, as a woman, you can do that as a man. We do not touch anybody else's kid.
[00:25:02] Speaker C: Probs, you know, like, didn't say anything either. So I don't know if she was.
[00:25:07] Speaker B: Like, paying attention or obviously not paying attention.
They're exhausted. But, like, you know, as a father, if somebody else touches your kid, is your job to now fucking step in and beat that dude's ass. You know, that that that's law. Like, like, if that. If I see, you know, some random dude touch somebody else's kid and the dad comes in and beats that dude's ass to the ground, I don't say shit. I'm like, you know, like, but if the father starts losing, I'll step in. I'm like, all right. I'm, you know, knock it off. Sorry, dude. You picked a wrong battle.
But I mean, like, yeah, like, as dudes, like, even if a kid is, like, touch touching us, like, kicking us or whatever, you just have to let it go.
Just, yum. Fucking little fear. I'm like, it doesn't hurt.
Don't care.
Yeah, I'm like, I'm not gonna sit up here and make a scene about, you know, kid kicking me, but I did, like, you know, fucking scooch all the way back so that way you would, like, kicking, like, fucking resistance.
[00:26:21] Speaker C: I'm like.
[00:26:23] Speaker B: I'm just like, okay, yeah, kid, good. You know, and, like, they're children, right? Like, I give children way more leeway than anybody else in this planet because they're kids. They don't know no better.
[00:26:40] Speaker C: But there's a point where adults just step in and be like, we don't do that.
[00:26:45] Speaker B: Yeah, but, you know, like, at a circus, I'm gonna let kids be kids. You know, I'm gonna let them scream. I'm not gonna say anything.
You know, I'm like, the parents get to have, like, a little bit of a break. That's fine. But, like, if we're at, like, an airport and your kid's running around screaming and kicking, yeah, I'm gonna say something to your parent, like, control your goddamn kid. This is not the time for that.
But to be excited and be, you know, at a circus. Yeah, that's the right time.
So, I mean, I pick my battles.
I don't, like, you know, see it, you know, like, I don't want to be a party pooper and be like, hey, make sure your kid shuts up during the circus.
Eat your popcorn quietly. Drink your fucking sugar. Drink quietly. Clap politely for the performers. And nothing else. No, go ahead and enjoy your time.
You get to have fun, like an amusement park or a water park. If kids are running around screaming, having a good time. Yeah, that's perfect time for that. If I come into your. Your zone. Yeah, you get to. You get to be a kid.
You know? If you're at a party, you get to be a kid.
But if you're, you know, at a court, control your goddamn kid.
There's times for that.
Yeah. Like, I try not to be an asshole, and I see kids, I'm like, cool, you're doing your kid thing.
I mean, am I, like, wrong in that?
[00:28:31] Speaker C: I'm going to misquote this dreadfully, but I once saw this post talking about the kids who are silent and stick closer to their parents in public are the ones you need to be concerned about. And for a long time, I was like, what the fuck did that meant? But then I realized I was always calm and quiet and non reactive in public, because if I reacted, I knew I was going to get punished. So I was quiet, and I did not play with things out of obedience due to pain. So quite honestly, when I see kids screaming and running around a little bit, me sometimes is just a little jealous.
[00:29:04] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, you can go out and touch stuff. You know, we got meow wolf and.
[00:29:09] Speaker C: Huh.
[00:29:11] Speaker B: You know, like, if I see kids, you know, running around a meow wolf and having a good time. Cool, that's awesome. You know, enjoy your childhood.
You know, like, I remember as a kid, like, I found, like, this goose. Like, me and my mom lived in an apartment this before we met my dad.
And, like, I was in, like, the back area, and there was, like, this, like, a goose just. Just wandering about and it, like, didn't attack. It wasn't, you know, violent or anything. And, like, I pick grass.
I, like, go to, like, the, like, the field of grass, and I just pick up some grass and eat the grass out of my fucking hand. I don't know if they eat grass.
[00:29:58] Speaker C: Better than feeding it bread.
[00:30:00] Speaker B: Yeah, Brett, bread is awful for them. But, yeah, I just kept on, like, you know, giving it handfuls of grass and it just, you know, kept on, like, coming over to me and eating it and let me pet it and stuff.
And then, like, my mom called me in and, like, I don't even think she even knew about it, that, like, there's, like, this random goose that I had as, like, a pet for a day.
But I remember. Cause it's like. It's, like, just so patient with me, and it's like, yeah, that, you know, like, that that's, you know, being a kid. But nowadays I see these kids and they just get, like, a phone or an iPad or, you know, it's like, hey, sit here, have this. Play games and, you know, that. That's all you got.
[00:30:50] Speaker C: Like, it's such a shame that they're introduced to that so young. But what else are you gonna do?
[00:30:55] Speaker B: I mean, like, I had a game boy growing up, you know? But then again, I also went outside and played.
I mean, I still go outside and play, you know, now. Now playing is just more expensive now it's like, oh, shit. You know, like.
Like when I. When I think about, like, just going to, like, the range, I'm like, okay, that's gonna be.
Do some quick math. $200 and that's fine. Yeah, I get to go have fun. Go shoot some guns and, you know, it's awesome.
See?
Alrighty. At 31 minutes. Oh, God.
But, yeah. Jordan World circus.
There's actually one tonight, actually, by the time this comes out, it already started in Colorado Springs. I think it's. Let's see where it's going. That way I can.
Jordan World circus.
See where it's going up next. That way I can promote the world arena.
No, it's going to the Norris Penrose event. Center.
[00:32:15] Speaker C: Oh.
[00:32:17] Speaker B: Oh, it's going to Greensboro, North Carolina, October 16. So they actually get, like, ten days to get across the country. Nice.
[00:32:27] Speaker C: Yeah, that is nice.
[00:32:30] Speaker B: They're doing two shows in Greensboro.
One's at 04:00 p.m. and one's at 07:30 p.m. at the Oasis Shrine circus field house. The field as. I don't know where that's at. Concord, North Carolina.
Oh, they're just. That. That's where they're gonna end.
So it's the 16th, the 18th, and the 19th. So Greensboro on the 16th, Concord, North Carolina on the 18th, and, you know, Concord, North Carolina on the 19th. So they're just doing, like, a fucking shitload of shows.
Like, one, like, last little hoorah.
So if you're in North Carolina getting affected by Hurricane Helene, I think it is like, they just change the names by, like, one letter. Yeah, like that. That's how it goes.
So, you know, like, I want. I want to know what the hurricanes of the letter z are.
[00:33:36] Speaker C: When I hear hurricane, all I hear is Hurricane Katrina. More like hurricane tortilla. Tortilla.
[00:33:43] Speaker B: I mean, like, here's what I hate, honestly, is you. You'll see all. Oh, shit, Courtney left.
[00:33:53] Speaker C: No, my bestie.
I'm right here. Wait, what happened?
[00:34:00] Speaker A: My phone died. I've been gone for, like, a minute or two. And you only just noticed?
[00:34:05] Speaker B: Yeah, we only just noticed.
[00:34:06] Speaker C: We heard the noise.
[00:34:08] Speaker B: Yeah.
Well, like, I was looking at the tour dates for the circus, and.
[00:34:15] Speaker A: Yeah, I was wondering about that.
[00:34:18] Speaker B: North Carolina, that's where it's ending?
Yeah, yeah, just going to the North Carolina. It's going to end on the October 19, and then it's done, which makes me wonder. I'm like, what do these people do after it ends?
Like, the people that can, like, hang from their hair and shit. Like, what? Like, what is their, you know, winter job?
Like, do they hang from their hair inside?
[00:34:52] Speaker C: I don't know.
[00:34:56] Speaker B: Like, do, like, burlesque shows or something.
[00:34:59] Speaker C: They got the training for it.
[00:35:00] Speaker B: Well, hanging from their hair. I mean, like, that would be interesting.
You know, just, like, dancing and being, like, you know, swung around the room by your hair while nude or, like, while wearing, like, a bunch of body paint and glitter and throwing glitter around.
[00:35:16] Speaker C: Mm hmm.
[00:35:16] Speaker B: That'd be interesting to see.
Ah, but, yes. Go to a circus. Go support a circus.
This one was actually pretty fucking good for $10.
[00:35:34] Speaker C: It was fantastic. I had so much fun, and I got my face painted.
[00:35:42] Speaker B: All right, let's.
Let's go on to some stories now. That Courtney is back.
I hate fucking Austria and Australia because they're so fucking similar. An austrian man amputated his penis with an axe after eating cybocilin, psychedelic mushrooms.
[00:36:04] Speaker C: That sucks.
[00:36:09] Speaker B: With a blunt axe, too. An austrian man amputated his penis with a blunt axe after consuming a large dose of. Of psychedelic mushrooms, storing its fragments in a jar with soil and dirty snow. Doctors were mostly able to reattach the penis fragments after disinfecting and debride debriding them, according to a report of extreme cases in the mega Journal of Surgery.
[00:36:42] Speaker C: Yeah, there's nothing. It's. Debridement can take away a lot of tissue.
[00:36:46] Speaker B: Um, yeah, just going over, like, the science of it. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I want to know. I want to see this dude's fucking dick.
Yeah. Not pictures of mushrooms.
Yeah. This is the first reported case of cybercrime induced self amputation, or kings or syndrome. A rare kingzor.
[00:37:14] Speaker C: There's an L K. Lingzor. Yep.
[00:37:16] Speaker B: Syndrome. A rare condition that involves self infliction of penile amputation. How is there a syndrome for this?
[00:37:24] Speaker C: Because it's happened more than once, and now they get to call it something.
[00:37:30] Speaker B: I gotta know who this guy is.
[00:37:33] Speaker C: Probably the doctor.
[00:37:33] Speaker B: I guarantee you it's a. Some fucking dickhead.
[00:37:40] Speaker C: You're gonna have to. Oh, my God, that's amazing. Of course.
[00:37:45] Speaker B: Kingslore is a magician in the middle high german epic poem parzival named Kingslore, a character, you know, that tried to destroy the knights, the Grail who rejected him. He wanted to join them.
[00:38:06] Speaker C: Okay. Type in syndrome afterwards.
There you go.
[00:38:10] Speaker B: I wanted. Yeah, it's just a fucking.
Is a rare psychiatric and surgical emergency that involves self inflicted penile amputation.
Yeah, it's just like a bunch of fucking scientific journals about where people just cut off their dicks.
Like. Like, that. That's.
[00:38:34] Speaker C: People are weird.
[00:38:37] Speaker B: Like, I. As someone that's done a ton of mushrooms, I've never, like, looked at my penis and been like, I need to cut that thing off. And I've done a lot of them at once, and never, like, once have I been like, yeah, you know, that. Yeah, that. That. That needs to go.
I mean, like, obviously, you know, calling him a man anymore is, you know, wrong.
You know, should be.
[00:39:12] Speaker C: He kept most of it.
[00:39:14] Speaker B: Like, I'm impressed. Like, I want to know, like, the phrase mostly, and I don't.
[00:39:21] Speaker C: I want to know where it was cut off, like, near the tip at.
[00:39:23] Speaker B: The well, with a blunt axe. Like, I imagine it was, like, somewhere in the middle.
[00:39:28] Speaker C: It kind of went splat.
[00:39:31] Speaker B: But doctors were mostly able to like what does that mean? Like they attached like half of it and like now it's like half hanging off and still bleeding. It's like, ah.
[00:39:41] Speaker C: So for me that sounds like dehising where like you sew tissue together but the tissue is so still ill that it dies off and the wound reopensitive and it's called dehising.
[00:39:53] Speaker B: Oh that just.
[00:39:55] Speaker C: Yeah, it's not great. It's disgusting.
[00:39:58] Speaker B: But yeah, now he chopped it off and then he's like, I'm gonna put it in a jar with soil and dirty snow. What, what makes the so the snow dirty?
[00:40:11] Speaker C: Like it came off the road.
It like, it's like dirty snow is just when it's.
[00:40:16] Speaker B: Why didn't just say just snow and dirt?
[00:40:19] Speaker C: I don't know, maybe there's something like bacterial to do with the dirty snow.
[00:40:24] Speaker B: I don't know. Like if I was to get myself cut in the middle of the woods, I put, you know, dirt, rub dirt in the wound and then boom, be good.
[00:40:33] Speaker C: So did he like call like after he did it? Like how?
[00:40:37] Speaker B: I guarantee you this guy fucking pulled up his pants, put it in a jar and soberly walked into a hospital or limped into a hospital and then they handed him a jar of dirt. And then like Johnny Depp comes and like grabs jar of dirt. He's like, I got jar dirt and like runs away with it.
Sorry, inside thoughts?
[00:41:00] Speaker C: Nah, that was a good reference. I appreciated it.
[00:41:03] Speaker B: He just pours the shape. He's like my penis.
He's got my penis. Someone stop him. He's dodging my penis.
Can a man not enjoy a succulent chinese meal?
[00:41:19] Speaker C: That's like the worst come down imaginable?
[00:41:22] Speaker B: Yeah, after you've fucking done something stupid. Yeah, it's fine.
[00:41:29] Speaker C: You didn't appreciate my pun?
Fine, go on.
[00:41:35] Speaker B: I didn't even see the punishment.
I mean if he was hard, well he fucking, you know, chopped it off like that. That'd be one thing.
He's like, it's just getting, it keeps on getting bigger. Oh my God. And he just chops it off. It's like the blob that everyone. But it's like penis that everyone needs. Like save the day.
But up to the next story. Because I love fucking dumb ass stories.
A lift mute. A lift mechanic mistakenly throws out modern art at Lisse museum thinking it was trash.
[00:42:15] Speaker C: Haha, I bet it was trash.
[00:42:18] Speaker B: I mean it looks like the picture is a couple fucking like beer cans that look exactly like trash.
A lift mechanic accidentally threw away artwork at the La museum in LA. Say, don't even know where the fuck that is. Like, I now have to, like, fucking go search Google for laissez.
It's in the Netherlands.
[00:42:42] Speaker C: It means smooth.
[00:42:45] Speaker B: In French. Yes, it means smooth.
[00:42:47] Speaker C: That's the best I got. I thought it was french, but yeah.
[00:42:51] Speaker B: No, it's in the Netherlands.
The artwork concerns two hand printed beer cans painted. Painted beer cans by the french artist Alexander Lavat, 1988. They're not even that old. Like, get out of here. Knock it off. The artwork was recovered from the bin and is undamaged.
[00:43:15] Speaker C: Babe, 1988 was a long time ago.
[00:43:20] Speaker B: 1988 was not that long ago.
[00:43:23] Speaker C: That was before you were born.
[00:43:25] Speaker B: Three years before I was born.
[00:43:27] Speaker C: And how old are you? Like, what, fifties now?
[00:43:29] Speaker B: Young.
The art, the work of art is titled all in good times we spent together, and consists of two apparently used beer cans. But a closer look reveals that the dented and empty beer cans have been painstakingly hand painted.
I guarantee you this fucking dude is still alive.
Now I have to fucking look him up. I. Like, I. I hope he's still alive. Yeah, he has a website.
[00:43:59] Speaker C: Yeah.
Not saying he's dead. I'm just saying 1988 was a long time ago.
[00:44:08] Speaker B: I bet I can get some fucking, you know, shit from him.
[00:44:13] Speaker C: Of course you can.
[00:44:16] Speaker B: Yeah. They're on the ground.
[00:44:18] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:44:23] Speaker B: Jesus Christ.
Of course they are. Yeah, yeah. One. One is just like a fucking.
A dirty rag.
One's a date on some bubble wrap.
This is just leaves.
[00:44:44] Speaker C: Shut up.
[00:44:47] Speaker B: Dead leaves.
[00:44:48] Speaker C: What?
[00:44:50] Speaker B: More bubble wrap?
[00:44:52] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
[00:44:54] Speaker B: I think he just makes fucking trash.
[00:44:57] Speaker C: This is literally all trash.
[00:45:00] Speaker B: I hope this guy's a millionaire.
[00:45:02] Speaker C: It's a fucking stool.
[00:45:04] Speaker B: I truly, truly a sculpture of a frosta stool made by Ikea, modified to look, um, its original stool from the sixties.
Um, it's a result of a mixture between the original and the copy. So he just fucking took an Ikea stool and modified it a bit?
[00:45:26] Speaker C: Oh, no, he sculpted.
[00:45:28] Speaker B: I hope this guy has millions of dollars. I honestly do, because he has the same name as me. Kinda.
[00:45:36] Speaker C: Hey, it's got it made.
[00:45:39] Speaker B: Like, I could just fucking.
[00:45:40] Speaker C: God, it's just a garment on a fucking step. How is that artwork? I'm sorry?
[00:45:49] Speaker B: A garment originally designed to be worn during the opening of the solo expedition. I'm not even going to attempt that.
In the hot in the Hague and Netherlands on February 9, 2022. After the opening, the garment was left in the space as if it had been worn in the bedroom. So he just took off a fucking shirt, threw it on the ground. Art.
[00:46:12] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:46:13] Speaker B: Fuck you.
[00:46:15] Speaker C: This is ridiculous.
[00:46:16] Speaker B: There's people on Instagram that are starving to death that are incredible fucking artists that can take a fucking graphite pencil and make realistic shit, and this asshole is fucking making money.
Yeah, throwaways. Painstakingly hand painted cans. I know bullshit doesn't even seem like that. Fucking painstakingly to do.
[00:46:43] Speaker C: It doesn't.
[00:46:44] Speaker B: It's a picture of a fucking bull and there's fucking kind of straight lines. Whatever. Fuck you.
But yes, he has a website now, but yeah, they are eventually found in a bin bag ready to be taken away.
Miraculously, after some cleaning, the cans were intact and undamaged.
The museum doesn't blame the mechanic who is just standing in for the regular mechanic who tended to the museum's lift and noted knows its eccentricities.
He did the job to the best of his ability.
On a positive note, it's a compliment to the artist.
[00:47:32] Speaker C: How is that?
[00:47:33] Speaker B: Oh, it looks like real trash.
[00:47:36] Speaker C: That's a compliment.
[00:47:38] Speaker B: Oh, fuck him.
Like, Courtney, what do you consider art?
[00:47:47] Speaker C: Oh, my God.
[00:47:49] Speaker A: Oh, God.
[00:47:51] Speaker B: Like. Like, here, let me. Let me share this with you. So where the fuck did it go?
[00:47:59] Speaker A: Let me see.
[00:48:01] Speaker B: 1 second.
[00:48:05] Speaker C: Being told your artwork is trash and having been thrown away, it's a compliment.
[00:48:18] Speaker A: Let's see.
[00:48:18] Speaker C: So it's art.
[00:48:22] Speaker B: So those cans are hand painted.
[00:48:25] Speaker C: Painstakingly.
[00:48:29] Speaker B: Painstakingly hand painted. Here, let me share his website instead.
So this is everything that he has made.
And here's how the cans were.
See, you can see that the cans were just on the fucking ground. Not a plaque above it, nothing around it just looks like some garbage on the ground and, you know.
[00:48:56] Speaker A: Yeah, that's quite honestly presentation. Like, it's so dumb. It should have been somewhere else.
[00:49:05] Speaker B: What? Like, it should have, like, fucking lines around it. Like, if that shit was in America, some kid would have stomped it immediately.
Like, people in the Netherlands, I guess, are good people and good for them, but yeah, he just, you know, fucking bubble wrap with fucking, you know, and date on it.
Dead leaves.
[00:49:31] Speaker C: That one still kills me.
[00:49:34] Speaker B: Various shapes of dead leaves found in the vicinity of the ex x the fuck exhibition.
[00:49:45] Speaker A: Just stupid.
[00:49:48] Speaker B: You know, just dates painted on bubble wrap. And they're like, look how hard it is.
[00:49:57] Speaker C: You know what this is proof to point of. Like, what is the phrase? Like, oh, my God, I'm gonna take it terribly long. But, like, bad pr is still pr. Like, it's basically trash. He's able to art. Yet here we are discussing it and someone who's listening to the podcast might look it up and then someone else might look it up from the podcast, and it's just continuing to show his quotation marks, artwork and quotation marks.
Oh God, it still works. Publicity, bad publicity is still publicity.
[00:50:30] Speaker B: Like, I have a friend named Adrian.
He's amazing with art.
Like, and he much better artists than this guy, but for everyone their own. Yeah, go for it. Like, like, this is just a shirt. He fucking wore it to a, an opening solo exhibition and then took it off and threw it down and it's like art.
Fuck him.
[00:50:58] Speaker C: Yeah, for reals. He's got it made.
[00:51:05] Speaker B: But like, would you consider any of that, like actual art?
Like, like, would you pay any money for that?
[00:51:15] Speaker A: No.
[00:51:16] Speaker C: How could you pay money for it?
[00:51:21] Speaker B: Like, I want to make a museum of ridiculous art. Just dumb ridiculous art. And, you know, people have to pay $50 to come in and just chalk the thing full of whatever people, you know, consider art, you know, but for the people putting up, you know, things and I can have like little areas for, you know, people to post their art, I would charge them. So it's like, hey, if you want a fucking spot in here, it's a. You can get your name out, you are officially in a museum.
And then charge people like $25 to come in and look at all the art.
[00:52:08] Speaker A: And one day to go in and to see that you want it.
I want to go paid.
[00:52:16] Speaker B: I mean, like, you never know because like, there could be really good art there and all the arts for sale too. So, like, you're, you're, you're paying me to put your art up there.
And, you know, if you're not there fast enough, the art will sell and no one will ever see it again. So that's the whole thing with my museum idea.
So, you know, you can come in, you can be the first guy in there and be like, I want to buy this and no one else can. You can take it, you know, immediately leave with it and, you know, the artist can put up, you know, whatever price or they can be like, you know, I want a bid system for this. And you know, you get your, your little number on your ticket and you're like, I want to bid, you know, this much on this ticket number. There we go.
And, you know, you put your last name, your ticket number, and if they match, you're good to go and your bid is accepted.
Or you have someone, you know, standing there and, you know, at the end of the day, whatever the bid is is whatever the bid is.
And the second something sold you, we have a new opening.
So artists, can you come in? Be like, okay, you get to come in early or late at night, after the museum is closed or before it opens, set up your art and sell it. It's like a revolving flea market for artists.
And so you get documentation saying, this is original art. You now own this art. Congratulations. This is who painted the art or who did the art or whatever the fuck.
And you know how to contact them. All that bullshit.
I mean, like, now that I'm saying is out loud, it sounds like a pretty good idea.
Like, am I wrong here?
[00:54:16] Speaker C: No, it just sounds like a flea market.
[00:54:19] Speaker B: Well, like. Like, not even like a flea market. Just like, I, um.
[00:54:25] Speaker C: How is it different?
[00:54:28] Speaker B: Like, what do you mean?
[00:54:29] Speaker C: Like, a flea market is where people have their shit for sale, but they're there.
[00:54:33] Speaker B: They have to be there.
So, like, I'd have, like, maybe, like, 50 spots in this museum.
So 50 spots. So people pay, like, 2020, $5. They can come in, and then they can buy any of the art there.
And, like, I'd have, like, a little timer. How long the arts been here?
You know, all this art's been here this long. Oh, my God. You know, and, you know, someone can, like, tape a banana to the wall. Do you want to buy this art? Sure, take the banana and the tape.
[00:55:11] Speaker C: It'll probably be cheaper than it is at the supermarket.
[00:55:16] Speaker B: Bananas. These are dirt cheap. Cheapest fruit there.
But, you know, like, you know, I'd reach out to local artists and be like, hey, you know, I have this going on.
And, like, for the people, like, for the, you know, ogs that, you know, come in, I'd be like, you know, it's free for you to put up your art.
You know, like, I'd, like, reach out to certain people, but if people wanted to put their art in, they could apply, and then they'd have to pay me to put the art in the museum.
So you're gonna come in all the time, and since it's new art all the fucking time, you can come in and appreciate the art. Oh, that's nice. I really like that. How much they want for that? They want $200 for that. Boom. I would like to buy that, please.
And then they, you know, pay the $200 and it's theirs.
[00:56:19] Speaker C: How are you different from a studio?
[00:56:21] Speaker B: What do you mean?
[00:56:22] Speaker C: Like, studios where people, like, have their art for sale?
[00:56:26] Speaker B: Well, it'd be anyone that, you know, fancies themselves as an artist. Studios only allow certain people to put up the art. Anyone that, like, I could go up to this to, you know, my museum beg. Hey, I'd like to put up this art and make. Okay, cool. We do have art installation fee, but, you know, you can sell your art for whatever you, you know, want. You know, like a child could, you know, go in and, you know, be like, hey, I have a, you know, a drawing of my mother. She's dying of cancer. I'm, you know, I'm trying to, you know, sell this to, you know, make money to pay for her chemo.
[00:57:14] Speaker C: Oh, my God. So now it's just like, gofundme.
[00:57:17] Speaker B: But, like, imagine, like, that's not what it would all be, you know, but anything that anyone considers art, you know, what? Like, I would have, you know, restrictions on it. Like, no, people. You can't be like, I'm art.
It's like, yeah, but we can't sell you.
But we can, you know, have you as, like, a piece. Just like a not for sale piece. Like, so you can. You can pay to be in here, but, you know, you stop to pay their installation fee, and you can, like, stand there and, you know, be like, a nude model or whatever. Who cares?
I mean, it's a pretty good idea.
[00:58:12] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:58:14] Speaker B: I mean, like, I feel like I would go in, like, if I'm in the area, and it's like, you know, hey, this is rotating art. And I, you know, this might be the first and last time you ever get to see anything like this.
You know, it's something new every day, and if something, like, is just not, you know, moving, then it gets returned to the artist. Or if something's, like, potentially, you know, upsetting, you know. But, yeah, you can put whatever the fuck you want in there. I just have, like, you know, no real, you know, hardcore restrictions other than, like, no, like, you know, homophobic and, you know, hateful, you know, stuff like that.
Oh, shit.
Last fucking story before we get on to the. Am I the asshole and all that? Voyeur caught hiding under vehicles at. At car wash to stare at women's feet.
It's a 28 year old dude from Arizona, Jesse Michael Johnson, has been arrested again after allegedly hiding under woman's vehicle at car wash to stare at their feet.
Johnson, who has a history of similar offenses, faces charges of voyeurism and disorderly conduct, according to authorities.
Like, what do you, like, feel about this? Like, you know, your feet, like, is there, like, if a dude just, like, was staring at your feet? Like, would you be uncomfortable with that?
[01:00:07] Speaker C: It's an invasion of privacy. It doesn't matter what or how innocent one could try to claim it. It's an invasion of privacy.
[01:00:16] Speaker B: I mean, like, I know there's dudes that have, like, foot fetishes and shit, but, like. Like, Courtney, like, if, like, you're wearing, like, flip flops and, like, walking around and some dude was just staring at your feet, not, you know, approaching you, like, just from, like, a distance or, like, even it would be.
[01:00:38] Speaker A: I don't know.
It just seems creepy.
[01:00:42] Speaker C: Yeah, and you're kind of going down the road of victim blaming, babe.
[01:00:47] Speaker A: No, not really victim blaming. Just. It's really weird.
[01:00:54] Speaker B: I mean, like, he, you know, just.
[01:00:56] Speaker C: Like, looking under a cardinal, hiding under a car.
That's where it's weird.
[01:01:05] Speaker B: I mean, like, outside, you have no expectation of privacy.
So if you're.
[01:01:12] Speaker C: Oh, I assumed the dude was under the car going through the car wash. She's at the vacuum place.
[01:01:18] Speaker B: Mm hmm.
[01:01:19] Speaker C: Oh, I assumed he was just there for the. Okay, clearly I assumed wrong.
So, yeah, I was just like, how the fuck is he seeing their feet through all the suds and shit?
[01:01:31] Speaker B: Yeah, no, like, they're, you know, outside their car vacuuming and, like, he's just under his car, just, like, looking at women's feet, you know, not jerking off, not doing anything obscene, just looking at women's feet.
[01:01:44] Speaker C: There's difference between hiding under someone's car.
[01:01:47] Speaker B: Not under their car, like, probably under his own car, you know, because, like.
[01:01:53] Speaker C: Literally, she says, under his car. Like, at one point, she could see his and head popped out from under the driver's side.
Yeah, this dude went out of his way.
[01:02:07] Speaker B: That's when you just run him over, you know, let fucking Darwin give out his awards.
Darwin, Darwin awards.
I mean, that. That's what you get for, you know, sneaking under someone's car without them knowing. And then, oh, they drive off and you get ran the fuck over like that. That's what should happen.
But, you know, it's like, like, if anyone, it's like, hey, can I see your feet? I'm like, yeah, sure. Look at my tootsies.
Like, I'm not, you know, like that private about feet. Now, if they're like, let me see your asshole or your fucking dick. You know, it's like, oh, that's a little bit more.
Yeah, but if someone's like, hey, you know, take off your shirt as a dude. Yeah, sure, whatever.
You know, as women, I get. It's like, a little bit more.
But, yeah, I mean, like, feet, like, dudes have their things and they enjoy looking at feet. That's fine.
And I don't think this dude should be king shamed for it.
[01:03:22] Speaker C: Nah, the fact that he climbed under some person's car, it's an invasion of privacy. We're not kink shaming. It's an invasion of privacy.
[01:03:29] Speaker B: You just wanted to look at her.
[01:03:30] Speaker C: Tootsies by getting under her car.
I'd be creeped out if someone came. If I know. If I know there was someone under my car.
[01:03:39] Speaker B: I mean, if he, like, went out and, like, licked her feet or something. Yeah, that would be like, yeah, arrest him and I shoot him in the head.
[01:03:45] Speaker C: But be so dirty.
[01:03:53] Speaker B: They also mentioned that the women were all wearing flip flops and shorts, suggesting a pattern to his actions.
The incident has left her traumatized and experiencing nightmares.
Okay, nevermind. This is not his first offense. In 2016, at the age of 20, he was sighted in Nebraska for hiding under a woman's car to touch her feet. Yeah, at the time, he admitted to being sexually attracted to women's feet, and he claimed he could not control his impulses.
Just find a woman that.
[01:04:28] Speaker C: This is the fourth time.
See, it's creepy.
[01:04:35] Speaker B: I'm not gonna shame a dude for liking feet.
[01:04:38] Speaker C: He tried to touch her foot.
[01:04:42] Speaker B: Well, I mean, like, going out.
[01:04:44] Speaker C: No, this is worse because I'm barefoot. Like, I'll be at, like, the gas station. I will be barefoot. Like, I'll be at the car wash. I'll be barefoot. Like, I don't wear shoes unless I absolutely have to, which means going into buildings. The rest of the time, I'm barefoot. I don't want some creep reaching out and touching my bare foot at the gas station. I'm sorry.
[01:05:05] Speaker B: Like, dude, I understand. You're young. Go out there and, you know, talk to women. You might have to, you know, get through a few of them before you find any one that's, like, also into that, you know, it's like, oh, yeah, I'm also into fucking, you know, footplay and all that. And then she'll like, jerk you off with her feet and be like, oh, my God, my fantasies are all coming true.
And then guess what, you winden. You know, stop being, like, weird about your fucking, you know, kinks. Now everyone knows. Yes, but, you know, calm, a voyeur. I'm like, he wasn't, like, doing too much. That that was bad.
And after allegedly hiding under woman's vehicle at a car wash, to stare at her feet, just to stare, not to touch, just a stare.
I mean, like, look at him. Just nothing in those eyes.
[01:06:03] Speaker C: You know? He looks creepy as shit.
No, he kind of looks like Ben.
[01:06:07] Speaker B: Nah, but let's do the am I the asshole really quick?
If I throw away am I the asshole? I started calling my mother by her name after she got pregnant by someone younger than me.
You get this whole story just from the title.
So the dude has a hard time viewing her as mother after she has a. She's having a kid with someone that's four years younger than him.
[01:06:44] Speaker A: So fucking weird.
[01:06:46] Speaker B: You know, the guy that she's pregnant by is 22 and his mother is 47.
[01:06:53] Speaker C: Oh, that's a geriatric pregnancy right there.
[01:06:57] Speaker B: And so the fucking op is fucking 26, doing the math.
So yeah, op is 26, her mom's boyfriend is 22, and she got knocked up.
I mean, like, yeah, that is fucking weird.
I can't deny it.
What did the 22 year old's parents think?
It's hilarious.
Can you imagine?
You get to have dinner with both sets of parents?
I mean, like, honestly for the, you know, the young kid, it's not that bad of a deal, you know, cuz you know, obviously mom has. Hopefully his mom has all her shit together as a. All that.
I mean, if she does. Fuck yeah, dude.
You know, hit that fucking, you know, granny snatch all day.
Um, like, Courtney, would you ever like, date like an older dude?
[01:08:15] Speaker C: It would depend on how much money he had.
Yeah, yeah.
[01:08:21] Speaker A: So honestly it would.
[01:08:23] Speaker B: So like a dude, he has 800,000 in the bank, a paid off house and three cars.
[01:08:30] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah.
[01:08:33] Speaker B: So you just gotten back? Yeah, but for you it'd be someone that's like 63.
[01:08:39] Speaker A: Like, like I'm never. No, I don't think I would. That's my father's age.
[01:08:45] Speaker B: Yep. Yeah, 63 years old.
He can still walk, he can still get around. You know, he has working legs. So not like youre not like your dad.
Still active.
And we'll even make him good looking. Like a good looking 67 year old. Like George Clooney. Like, dude.
[01:09:17] Speaker C: I have decided, babe, if you die and if her get married again, I'm going to marry for money.
[01:09:24] Speaker B: You already did that.
[01:09:25] Speaker C: I know. So I'm just gonna move up.
Yep.
[01:09:31] Speaker A: I don't know.
[01:09:33] Speaker B: I mean, like, girls are hilarious, cuz, like, you, you'll put these moral dilemmas in front of them and I'm like, I don't know, but like, when push comes to shove, like, absolutely. Yeah, I'm fucking think how many coach.
[01:09:47] Speaker C: Purses I could have.
[01:09:49] Speaker B: It's like, how much money would it take for you to shoot me dead? Oh, there's a number.
[01:09:58] Speaker A: Alex will never do that.
[01:10:00] Speaker B: How much money would it take for you to kill me.
[01:10:04] Speaker A: Like, you'd probably.
[01:10:05] Speaker B: Have to agree to it, like, in my sleep.
[01:10:11] Speaker A: Would you give her permission to do that? For a certain amount of money.
[01:10:14] Speaker C: Can I still fuck your body afterwards?
[01:10:18] Speaker B: I mean, it's weird.
It's weirder than the foothills.
[01:10:22] Speaker C: We have discussed this multiple times.
[01:10:24] Speaker B: It's weirder than the foot touch guy.
[01:10:27] Speaker C: We have discussed this multiple times.
[01:10:29] Speaker B: It's fine. But it's weirder than the foot touch guy. You have to admit that you are now weirder than the foot touch guy.
[01:10:34] Speaker C: Okay, no, no, no, no. I waited until your body was dead to violate you. I wasn't doing it while you were awake.
[01:10:39] Speaker B: I mean, it is. It's still a crime.
[01:10:41] Speaker A: Why would you even do that, though?
Like, he wouldn't be able to, you.
[01:10:46] Speaker B: Know, I mean, like, fuck. Like, ride me and then, like, slash my throat, like, as I'm coming, but slosh your throat or, like, you know, hit me in the carotid artery.
[01:10:56] Speaker C: I'm not gonna do that either.
[01:10:57] Speaker B: It's, like, with, like, an exact enough way.
[01:10:59] Speaker C: I'm not gonna kill you with needles, babe. Though they'll scare you.
[01:11:03] Speaker B: An exacto knife is not a needle.
[01:11:05] Speaker C: The point remains. Oh, I'm not gonna do it that way.
[01:11:10] Speaker B: It's like, as I'm coming. Like, I'm coming, and bang.
[01:11:16] Speaker A: She's already said that she wouldn't do it that way, which means she might do it.
[01:11:22] Speaker B: So. Yes, there. There is an amount of money. Like, what is it? Like, $2 million, 5 million?
[01:11:29] Speaker A: Like, it would be something that I'd have to get, like, a certain amount of years for a number of years. Like, the California. Like, the lottery. It would have to be in installments, and I'd have to. It'd have to be an astronomical number. Like, quite honestly, a million dollars doesn't get you as far as it used to.
[01:11:47] Speaker C: Nope.
[01:11:47] Speaker A: So it would have to be billions.
[01:11:51] Speaker B: Well, I mean, I feel like, you know, $200 million gets you pretty goddamn far, especially if you're not going to go to jail for it.
Like, if you're not gonna go to.
[01:12:03] Speaker A: Jail, kill someone that you care about.
Yeah, not happening.
[01:12:10] Speaker B: Oh, there. There's definitely a number for me to kill my wife.
[01:12:15] Speaker C: I mean, also, part of it would be just for the experience to actually be able to murder someone.
[01:12:21] Speaker B: Well, that's.
[01:12:22] Speaker C: That came out wrong, didn't it?
[01:12:23] Speaker A: So weird.
[01:12:26] Speaker B: And she's over here kink shaming a dude that just wants to, like, look at feet.
[01:12:31] Speaker C: I am not king shaming in his.
[01:12:32] Speaker A: Invasion of privacy weird, because then you saw it.
[01:12:36] Speaker C: He already.
[01:12:36] Speaker A: He started touching women's feet.
[01:12:38] Speaker B: Yeah, he touched me. He wanted to touch a woman.
[01:12:44] Speaker A: He'd probably do it again if he had the chance.
[01:12:46] Speaker C: Yeah, he would.
[01:12:48] Speaker A: Free behavior. Like, he needs to, like, find a way to do it in a consensual way.
[01:12:55] Speaker B: Yeah, there's women all over the place that, you know.
[01:12:59] Speaker A: Exactly. Love their feet getting touched up.
[01:13:03] Speaker B: Like, but bringing it up, maybe he's. Maybe he has fucking Asperger's and just doesn't, you know, is not comfortable talking to women.
[01:13:11] Speaker C: That is not an excuse.
[01:13:13] Speaker B: It's a perfectly good excuse for you kidding me?
Like, all my autistic friends. Like, I'm like, yeah, you know, you.
[01:13:26] Speaker C: Don'T get a pass on invading someone's.
[01:13:29] Speaker A: Like a permanent pass, like, for such weird shit.
[01:13:32] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean, that's just ableism too.
[01:13:37] Speaker B: That's fine. We're all weird here.
I mean, I had, like, take a major, like, risk. Like, if you would have said no when I first asked you out, I'd have probably just stayed single forever.
[01:13:53] Speaker C: Hmm.
[01:13:56] Speaker B: Think about that.
[01:13:58] Speaker C: Earth. Would I have turned you down?
[01:14:01] Speaker B: I mean, the fact that I had a penis, the fact that I'm just like, hi.
Yeah. It's like a creepy homeless dude. Yes.
[01:14:11] Speaker C: I didn't know you were homeless.
[01:14:12] Speaker B: I know. That's why I hid that from you.
[01:14:14] Speaker C: Yeah. I was so fucked. Oh, my God. I was so naive.
[01:14:18] Speaker B: Mm hmm.
[01:14:18] Speaker C: It was. It's embarrassing, but I did my best. I'm not gonna blame past me for not having the tools current me does.
My therapist would be so proud of me if he heard me say that.
[01:14:30] Speaker B: Yep. So, yeah, I mean, dude, that has a fucking, you know, step fucking cougar mom. Yeah, you don't have to call her mom. It doesn't matter. You could just, you know, be like, hey, that's weird. Don't do that.
[01:14:49] Speaker C: Or if he's not addressing the situation with her in any other way, this is not a good way to communicate between the two of them.
[01:14:58] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, it like, to have a kid with someone that's younger than your kid.
That's weird.
[01:15:07] Speaker C: Yeah, no, it's weird.
[01:15:08] Speaker B: So, no, you're not the asshole. Your mom also not the asshole. I'd say no assholes here.
Honestly, my personal opinion, my mom is going after what she wants, and she wants an immature dude that doesn't know how to eat pussy. It's fine.
Another one, relationship advice by throwaway.
Is it normal that I, 22 male, am not excited to get engaged married to my girlfriend, 24 female. Yeah. No, that's perfectly normal.
Getting married sucks and you're too young to do it anyway.
Yeah, go get them. Ambulance.
[01:15:54] Speaker C: Somebody's dead.
[01:15:58] Speaker B: But I, 22, male, have been dating my girlfriend for over three years. We have a pretty good relationship overall. I'm with work. I ended up moving 1000 miles away from where we lived and she decided to move with me. It got pretty rocky with a lot of stress on both of us, but everything is smoothed out now. We have lived together in an apartment for over a year now and we've discussed moving forward multiple times. I do not like living in an apartment. I've been looking for a house since we moved. She does not want to get a house until we are married. Yep. You cannot get a house together until you are married.
Can't be both on the mortgage. We have discussed it, which is which I totally agree. Last week she wanted to go look at rings just for fun. She was so excited to look at the rings and kept talking about how great our future is going to be when we get married and the life we're going to build. I think she's a great girlfriend and I love her. I'm just not excited about getting married like she is. Is that okay? One of the biggest traits I want in a woman is loyalty, and she's got it. There are a few things I'm just not super. I'm not super happy with. And I've always figured it would be how it is. You're never gonna find someone who 100% checks all your boxes. Long story short, is it okay to not. Yeah, it's okay to not be excited to get married.
Marriage is for women, women only.
[01:17:24] Speaker C: Is he cheating?
[01:17:26] Speaker B: No.
I like reading the story. He's not cheating, he's just.
Marriage is a girly thing. There's a reason why boys don't have a quinceanera.
[01:17:41] Speaker C: What does quinceaneras have to do with marriage?
[01:17:44] Speaker B: It's.
Well, do guys have a quinceanera?
[01:17:47] Speaker C: Do you want one? No, you don't have to have one.
[01:17:51] Speaker A: I think you guys do.
I mean, it's just different.
[01:17:57] Speaker B: I mean, like, we have coming of ages and shit like that.
[01:18:02] Speaker A: Exactly. That's a coming of age party.
Boys and the juice faith. Boys and girls have like that. What is it called? The bar?
[01:18:12] Speaker B: Yes. Boys can have the quinceaneros, which are the masculine version.
It's a coming of age celebration for the boys that marks their transition into adulthood.
And it has the same cultural proposition. But, yeah, it's not like fucking like a huge party. It's just like, yeah, you're a man now. Congratulations.
[01:18:32] Speaker C: Well, do you want a big, pretty dress and a giant party?
[01:18:35] Speaker B: Well, now.
[01:18:36] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. Girls want that.
[01:18:41] Speaker B: Yeah, like. Like, it's a big, poofy dress.
[01:18:44] Speaker A: Always. There's always been school dances and shit like that.
[01:18:48] Speaker B: Never where, never went.
[01:18:49] Speaker A: You can meet up with others and stuff.
[01:18:52] Speaker B: Never was excited. Like, I went to one that was free, and, like, I skipped out on the rest. Sadie Hopkins, homecoming, all of them dumb. Did not go.
So, yeah, Opie, on this relationship advice. No, you don't have to get excited.
You know, you can just be happy for her. You know, you can just go through the steps of getting married and just. It's something that, you know, she wants that, you know, you're not excited to do. I mean, I'm sure she's not always excited to suck your dick, but, you know, she does it with a smile on her face and a dick in her mouth, so, you know, like, just. Just like, if she's someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with, yeah, go for it.
[01:19:50] Speaker C: Like, Opie doesn't have to get married if he doesn't want to. Things this sounds off.
I mean, like, he's weighing treats. He's like, I'm not happy with this. And it's like. Like, basically, I feel like he's asking if it's okay for him to settle. That's what I'm hearing.
[01:20:09] Speaker B: What?
[01:20:09] Speaker C: Like, what do comments sakes? I'm curious.
[01:20:11] Speaker B: All right, let's go down. Comments.
Are you excited about building a life with her?
You're young. Choose your life path as you want. Sit and try and figure out what doesn't excite you. If you're doing this for yourself or for them, if you aren't excited, don't lead her on. She deserves the excitement.
You're only 22. It sounds like you love her, but you're just not ready for marriage yet. If you want more, you want to be more settled first, financially, educationally, or career wise, just tell her that.
[01:20:52] Speaker C: Yeah, and that's perfectly natural.
Two.
[01:21:00] Speaker B: See, it's the fear of missing out, really, is what it is.
It's, you know, well, what if I don't marry her and she was the one and I moved on, and now I'm fucking stuck in, you know, miserable relationship after miserable relationship, and, you know, we really clicked, and I fucking miss her now. And, you know, it's that fear of what if.
And, you know, like, what if, you know, you marry her and you could have found the love of your life. Next, you could have been just, you know, sitting in a coffee shop. You know, like, a woman comes up, you have. You click immediately. She checks every single one of your boxes. Cool.
[01:21:50] Speaker C: Like, if op doesn't feel comfortable, he.
[01:21:51] Speaker B: Shouldn'T be forced to mean you're 22. Like, yeah, someone saying, don't do it, but, yeah, I mean, you know, like, what was I excited to, you know, do the whole marriage thing?
[01:22:20] Speaker C: I had to remind you to propose.
We'd been together seven years. Seven years.
[01:22:28] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:22:28] Speaker C: Seven years. Seven freaking years.
[01:22:33] Speaker B: And I wasn't excited.
Yeah. Like, I'm not.
[01:22:40] Speaker C: I deserved a proposal. I was not going to be a common law wife.
[01:22:45] Speaker B: Well, like, seven years, that's fine.
[01:22:48] Speaker C: Not a woman. Wait that long. Okay.
[01:22:52] Speaker B: Oh, then that's fine. You can move on. And I.
Not a whole lot would have changed.
I'd have just, you know, stayed, renting a house and working a job, and then, you know, I wouldn't have someone to worry if they're, like, dead. I'm like, oh, no, they've taken too long to get back from, you know, doing.
[01:23:15] Speaker C: If you didn't have me, you wouldn't have anyone to fuck your dead body.
[01:23:19] Speaker B: Yeah, that. That's. That's a good thing.
[01:23:21] Speaker C: No, it's not. It's mine.
[01:23:23] Speaker B: That. That's a very good thing.
[01:23:25] Speaker C: It's mine.
[01:23:25] Speaker B: I get that. People don't fuck my dead body.
[01:23:28] Speaker C: I get to keep it.
[01:23:30] Speaker B: Please don't. Please burn me into, like, push me into a campfire.
[01:23:34] Speaker C: I'll do that afterwards.
[01:23:38] Speaker B: Like, ugh.
[01:23:39] Speaker C: That's where I get to cut off the parts I want to keep and keep.
[01:23:48] Speaker B: That's horrifying. Like, when mochi dies, I'm gonna. I feel like I'm gonna have, like, take her out to the woods and, like, you know, just take care of her myself and, like, burn her in a fire. And back here's the ashes of mochi.
[01:24:00] Speaker C: You can do that if you want.
[01:24:05] Speaker B: Just, like, here's grapes and choc. Here's chocolate grapes.
[01:24:08] Speaker C: Lots of clients choose to bury their kitty's body afterwards, and it just needs to be six foot under according to Colorado. Colorado. Colorado law. So, yeah.
[01:24:18] Speaker B: People don't know how to dig a six foot hole by hand. They don't actually understand how fucking difficult it is to dig a six foot hole.
[01:24:26] Speaker C: It's very difficult.
[01:24:27] Speaker B: Very difficult.
[01:24:27] Speaker A: It's really hard.
[01:24:28] Speaker C: I always explain to clients, I get.
[01:24:30] Speaker A: Like, a really big hole for the dog, and we just hired someone to do it.
[01:24:35] Speaker C: Mm hmm.
[01:24:36] Speaker B: I mean, the best.
[01:24:37] Speaker A: It was also around the time that I, like, got my tattoo, so that wasn't happening. I wasn't gonna fuck up my tattoo for that.
[01:24:44] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah.
[01:24:45] Speaker B: I mean, just get a fucking auger bit and just, you know, go on down, then spread the hole out and, you know, dig deep.
Yeah, it sucks, but, you know.
Yeah, just, you know, have, like, a little campfire, and we're just big mochi. You get to run outside today. And she's like, I don't want to do that now. Too old.
I'm 28 years old.
[01:25:16] Speaker C: Yeah, she'll be an old lady.
[01:25:19] Speaker A: Yep.
[01:25:20] Speaker C: No, seriously, cats. Like mochi. Like, little sassy girl cats. They live forever. Like, they live into their twenties, and they're just, like, a sassy from. They were kittens. And it's like, how are you, like, the sass just keeps them alive.
[01:25:33] Speaker B: It's like dogs. It's like, you know, old farmers will just take their dogs out back and shoot them. And I'm like, I respect it.
[01:25:42] Speaker C: As long as it's done humanely, I don't have an issue with it.
[01:25:45] Speaker B: Yeah, but, like, now, like, you can, like, take your dog to get euthanized, and then they'll be like, that's gonna be $800 million.
[01:25:53] Speaker C: No, you're paying for the cremation. You're not paying. Like, the. The service itself is, like, maybe 100, $120 at most. Like, quite honestly, we usually do euthanasias. Like, at cost. Like, even at cost for the crematorium. Like, we charge 10% more than what the crematorium charges us to.
Charges us for their service. Like, we.
[01:26:16] Speaker B: They should call them an ashtorium, not a crematorium, because it makes me think that you're gonna turn my pet into cream. Like, you can rub this on your face.
It brings, like, youthful fucking vibrance to you.
All it costs is, like, a cat. It's like, ah, you know, and chinese restaurants start selling face creams that they took to the crematorium.
They're like, would you like your meal on the plate or in cream? It's like, what? Oh, nevermind, never mind. You're not chinese. Yeah, we're korean. It's fine, then. What would you like?
Rice? I can get you rice.
That's why chinese people are always, like, youthful looking.
I know I'm a terrible person, but that's it. Thank you all so much for, you know, listening to my nonsense and all that bullshit. We will be back next week with some more, you know, nonsense. Let me see. Next Friday, got comedy here in the springs, and next Saturday is a gun show. So if I actually go to the gun show.
Hi, mo. Would you like to say goodbye? Say goodbye to the people.
Say goodbye, you sassy bitch. Say goodbye. Whatever.
[01:27:38] Speaker C: Bye, guys.
[01:27:38] Speaker B: See ya. Bye.
