Chuck Norris Died

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alrighty. Alrighty, episode, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Human podcast. This is going to be a little shorty episode. You know, we're recording late. It's fine, whatever. And we just got a few news stories and the worst news story of, you know, the week, by the year. But let's start off on some, you know, good news. Let's just jump right in Mr. Rogers neighborhood. Mr. Rogers neighborhood is finally getting a YouTube channel for the first time. So I, I, you know, I'm sure there's like some old, you know, bootleg episodes on YouTube. I've never really looked for it, but it's going to get a dedicated YouTube channel where they're going to, you know, air the full episodes and then do shorts and compilations and, you know, all that sort of stuff and, you know, kind of bringing some new stuff to it. Maybe having people, you know, talk about, you know, what he was, you know, talking about. I mean, Mr. Rogers really nailed it. Didn't need anybody else to bring it up. [00:01:14] Speaker B: My mom told me he used to be an assassin. [00:01:17] Speaker A: See, like, there was so much mystery around Fred Rogers. Like, you know, they're like, when I was in school, you know, the big thing was he wears a sweatshirt because he has tattoos from when he was in the military and killing people. And it's like, what? No, that doesn't even make sense. It's like, yeah, that's why he always wears that sweatshirt because, you know, he has tattoos underneath. And, you know, people just made up a whole bunch of bullshit all the fucking time. I'm like, he's actually a good dude. Yeah. [00:01:54] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:55] Speaker A: And you know, I'm like, you know, I, I like to just think, like, he was just like a perfectly like, good dude and he didn't do any like, fucked up shit in the back end, you know, like, good. Hell yeah. Love that. [00:02:13] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:02:13] Speaker A: And, you know, no one's ever come forward saying, you know, Mr. Rogers was an asshole ever. You know, Ellen DeGeneres has like half her staff been like, yeah, that. Nope, Mr. Rogers is, you know, without blemish. So, yep, you know, love that guy. And I'll probably go check out his YouTube channel. It's probably already up. Let's see. [00:02:41] Speaker B: Really? [00:02:44] Speaker A: I, I wanted to doubt it. Let's see Mr. Rogers neighborhood YouTube channel. I mean, you know, he has it on PBS Kids. [00:03:02] Speaker B: PBS Kids is where it's at. Oh, my God. [00:03:08] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm sure that they're like, you know, redoing everything and re upping it, but yeah, hell yeah, good for you. Know all this and hopefully people start showing their kids Mr. Rogers neighborhood instead of, you know, the garbage that they have been showing, like Blippi or whatever. Yeah, it's like Blippi. Yeah. [00:03:30] Speaker B: Do I want to know what the. [00:03:32] Speaker A: You remember that? Hey, babe, do you remember that clip I showed you of like the two like dorky guys, like in a like mechanic shop or whatever? [00:03:40] Speaker B: No. [00:03:40] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Like, like there, there's a clip of Blippi and he's, you know, like this colorful, you know, character. He's a, he's a dude. Kind of like the Wiggles, but like more flamboyant. Like, do you know the Wiggles? [00:04:01] Speaker B: Is that the like salad? Yummy, yummy. [00:04:03] Speaker A: The fruit salad? [00:04:04] Speaker B: Yes, that is all I know. [00:04:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:07] Speaker B: I'm like, oh my God, that's all I know. [00:04:09] Speaker A: You know, but like all these shows, they don't, you know, they're like, oh, look, this is a round thing. Wow. [00:04:15] Speaker B: You know, well, that's for like, that's for like what, two year olds? [00:04:21] Speaker A: Yeah. Yes. But at the same time, you know, it's like teach like good, you know, lessons. Teach them young. And you know, Mr. Rogers also like taught, you know, other things other than just like good morals. He's like, yeah, this is what this is. And you know, here's how to be kind to each other. [00:04:41] Speaker B: And there's a puppet cat. And I love cats. [00:04:45] Speaker A: Yeah, I love cats. [00:04:46] Speaker B: I can't help it. [00:04:49] Speaker A: So. But you know, go, go check that out. Show your kids that, you know, raise your kids right. You know, do what you need to do. Like this kid. No one showed up for a nine year old girl's birthday party at Pizza Hut. You can do that. Pizza Hut still has birthday parties. That's cool. [00:05:10] Speaker B: Of course it does. [00:05:11] Speaker A: I think. Yeah, I, I kind of like want to go into a Pizza Hut and just say it's my birthday and like set up a whole bunch of decorations, make everyone should be getting here in 30 minutes and then just no one arrives and just order like a ridiculous amount of pizza and just big, oh, none of my friends are coming. Yeah. And just they're like, oh, make up [00:05:36] Speaker B: some story about how someone got in a car accident on the way there. [00:05:39] Speaker A: No, then everyone would have to get in a car accident. But. But yeah, a Texas mom threw a birthday party at Pizza Hut to celebrate her nine year old daughter, but no one showed up. Did she invite people? Like, like, I'm sure she did. Like, I feel like this like falls on the mom. She's like, oh, I didn't put out any invitations, but Samantha Chamberlain panicked and you know, put out an ask to her local community for help. And you know, a bunch of people just randomly showed up, probably for free pizza. You say, hey, we got free pizza. People are showing up. [00:06:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:06:19] Speaker A: Yep. You know, the restaurant is one of, you know, the kids favorite places in Chamberlain miss celebrating her daughter's birthday in the past because of work. Yeah, that's what life is. Grow up, kids. Sometimes your parents are going to be there for a birthday, you know, and then you hit an age where your birthday does not matter at all. You don't even mention it. [00:06:46] Speaker B: My birthday has always mattered. I like, I like thinking about my birthday. [00:06:51] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, your birthday is, you know, hella months away. Your birthday is in July. Yeah, I, I have to know, like, [00:07:00] Speaker B: oh, you guys are both Gemini. [00:07:04] Speaker A: I don't even know what that means. Like, that means zero to me. Like, people like, oh, you're, you're a Sagittarius. It's like, what that is made up stuff for bored women. [00:07:17] Speaker B: It's fun though. [00:07:19] Speaker A: Like, women were sitting at home and they ran out of like dresses to knit. And so they're like, you know, I wonder if I look up at the stars, if I can like make animals out of the stars and then I'm born under that animal. [00:07:33] Speaker B: It's like, actually it really wasn't woman. I don't think astrology was like, for men. [00:07:43] Speaker A: There's no. It better be like a gay man. Then there's no straight man in the world that's like looking up at the stars and wondering. I like, nope. Like, I'm not even sure if there's stars on my route. I've never like, gotten out of my truck and like, looked up. I. I don't even know, you know, what the stars are. I don't know the constellations or any of that. You know, I know where the sun is and that's how I tell direction. If it's night, I do not know where the north star is. Do not know how to, you know, operate at night. You know, it's probably bad for me. Like, I should probably know, but I'm like half the day, you know, I, I can, you know, and I'm not on the ocean, so it doesn't care. You go back to this little girl so, you know, no one showed up to like this little girl's birthday party. And you know that the mom posted on social media asking if anyone in the Kingsville area wanted to come by to the Pizza Hut party soon. A Bunch of the community members start showing up, and it just filled all the way up with just people like, free pizza. Free pizza. I'm like, yeah, but, you know, the kid felt special. And I'm like, hell, yeah. And like, in smaller towns, like, let me see Kingsville. Like, let's see how big this fucking place is. Because it might be a small area. Yeah. Search Google for Kingsville. [00:09:21] Speaker B: It's gotta be more than one go [00:09:23] Speaker A: across the U.S. no, it's Kingsville, Texas. But you'd be surprised over by Corpus Christi, south of San Antonio. [00:09:40] Speaker B: Oh, my God. So in Corpus. Crispy for some reason. Okay. So my parents got, like, a bunch of money all of a sudden. And instead of, like, doing smart stuff with it, we went on this, like, camping, like, travel all the way to. All the way to Florida and back. And in Corpus Christi, I woke up. My parents parked. They, like, put the trailer, like, directly on the beach. Like, on the beach. [00:10:00] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:01] Speaker B: And so I woke. I woke them up at 4 in the morning because the ocean was literally flooding under the trailer. And then it. And then we found out it was a hurricane. And so we drove, Basically. My dad described it as running away from the hurricane. Also, I got. Also in Corpus Christi, I got stung by, like, multiple stingrays. And I liked it. You're so freaking weird. It's like tattoo pain, which is dope. Oh, my God. [00:10:30] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean. [00:10:31] Speaker B: And it laughed. And the pain would last for, like, six hours, which was great. [00:10:36] Speaker A: Yeah. I've never been down that far in Texas. I've been over to Houston, you know, but, like, not. Not. Not down there. [00:10:49] Speaker B: The only two places I remember is Corpus Christi and then the national park, then, like, the. [00:10:54] Speaker A: The botanical Gardens. [00:10:55] Speaker B: No, it was. It was a safe haven for, like, manatees. And so you were allowed to, like, swim in the water because, like, there was, like, the manatee area. Like, don't swim over here, but you can swim over here if you're, like, little kids. And so I was just, like, vibing. And then everyone left the water. And I didn't understand why until a person, like, yelled at me to get out of the water because there was a baby manatee. And I saw a baby manatee. I didn't touch it because I was a. Because that would have been rude. But it was cute. It was really cute. It was, like, the size of me, and it was like. And that was a baby. [00:11:31] Speaker A: I mean, I think it'd be fun to be, like, a zoo, like, animal keeper. [00:11:36] Speaker B: Okay. Zoology medicine is super fucking cool, but you make you make so little money off. [00:11:45] Speaker A: Yeah, because you get to play with the coolest animals in the world. [00:11:49] Speaker B: And you need a side job if you want to. If you want to keep. Keep even with. [00:11:53] Speaker A: Yeah, like, you know, what do you. Do? You, like, go in, like, maybe a few times a day and then you're done. You know, you don't stay in the lion enclosure, but, you know, every once in a while you're like. You, like, throw your line of stake and make. There you guys go, enjoy. And then you get to, like, pet a lion. [00:12:13] Speaker B: You know, actually, sometimes it's live. [00:12:17] Speaker A: What, the things you feed the lion. [00:12:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:12:20] Speaker A: Oh, that's even better. [00:12:22] Speaker B: Oh, my God. It was such a cool story. There was a tiger that made friends with what he was supposed to eat. [00:12:32] Speaker A: Well, no, the dog that they put in these cages or actually, no, it was a goat. [00:12:38] Speaker B: It was a goat. [00:12:40] Speaker A: Yeah. A lot of the times, like, these, you know, caged lions will put a dog in there and, like, for some reason, like, they get along well with the dog and like, it's like an emotional support dog. It's weird. [00:12:55] Speaker B: They are good doggos. [00:12:56] Speaker A: Yeah. Like the. Let's see lions with dogs. Yeah, yeah, they like, [00:13:09] Speaker B: like, dogs are like. Dogs are great. I'm not gonna hate on them, but I'm assuming they only use, like. Use like large breeds. [00:13:23] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, that's just, you know, what they do. So. But, you know, good. Good for this little girl, you know, getting her awesome party. [00:13:31] Speaker B: Oh, I totally forgot about the little girl. [00:13:32] Speaker A: Yep. And, you know, second to last story of, you know, this evening, music's most famous phone number, 867-5309, will now direct callers to a cancer helpline. [00:13:48] Speaker B: What's so important about those numbers? [00:13:51] Speaker A: It was a song. [00:13:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:13:53] Speaker A: 867-530-309. Have you never heard this song? You know? Oh, my God. Like, have you never heard Jenny? [00:14:08] Speaker B: I don't know. I might recognize it if you play it. [00:14:10] Speaker A: All right. [00:14:21] Speaker B: It's not coming up. [00:14:23] Speaker A: It's not coming up for you. [00:14:24] Speaker B: Oh, wait, Jenny. [00:14:26] Speaker A: Yeah, it, you know, it's 867-5309. Jenny. [00:14:33] Speaker B: I'm trying to search it on Spotify. You. Yeah, I don't. I don't. I don't recognize it. [00:15:04] Speaker A: You've never. That's crazy. [00:15:06] Speaker B: I grew up in a completely isolated from the outside world. Or she heard it and she didn't remember that too. [00:15:18] Speaker A: It's like. It's an earworm. Like, it gets in there. It's like, oh, my gosh, my parents hated that. [00:15:27] Speaker B: Kind of music. [00:15:28] Speaker A: Well, I love it. And you're allowed to listen to it here. [00:15:31] Speaker B: I know it's. It's good music. I fucking love it. I'm sad I missed out on it when I was younger. [00:15:36] Speaker A: You can still get into it now? [00:15:37] Speaker B: Of course I can. I'm an adult now. I get to make whatever positions I want. [00:15:41] Speaker A: Yeah, you know, it's like. And it was a 1981 song, so, you know, it was before even my time, but, you know. [00:15:48] Speaker B: Before your time? [00:15:50] Speaker A: Before my time? What the. [00:15:52] Speaker B: Does that mean? I. I was born 10 years later. [00:15:57] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Before my time. Still a good song, that is. [00:16:02] Speaker B: No, can't see it. Before my time. That implies a longer age. [00:16:09] Speaker A: But you know, like, I like anytime you. You didn't want to give someone your number, you would be like, oh yeah, My number is 8, 6, you know, 7, 5, 3, 0. You know, and then, you know, they would look down at the number and then realize what it just happened. And you just like eight, you know, just start singing the song. You know, if they realize or if they call the number, it's even funnier cuz then they realize that they got played. But it's nice that it gives, you know, a hotline for people impacted by cancer. [00:16:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:55] Speaker A: Holy. He's still alive. That's crazy. So, you know, if you're struggling with cancer, give the number a call, but someone that's not alive. Chuck Norris, you know, the legend, the actor, you know, Walker Texas Ranger has died, you know, and like I, I saw it like immediately as it popped up, because me and a few of my friends have like a death pool, you know, kind of like, you know, the movie Deadpool? It's like we just kind of like, hey, you know what? Celebrities are gonna die next. And you know, anytime a celebrity dies, boom, Someone will fucking pop in and make this guy just died. This guy, you know, so within minutes of anyone dying, you know, I'll know. And so, yeah, yeah, Chuck Norris died. My wife has no idea who. Chuck Norris. [00:17:57] Speaker B: I do not. And I'm so sorry. But was he like, did he. Was he like a kung fu Chuck [00:18:03] Speaker A: Norris or highlight commercial? You know, just. Let's. An American hero deserves a truck that's rammed. Here, let me show this. So you know, Courtney can see it too. [00:18:29] Speaker B: What car company is it? [00:18:32] Speaker A: Dodge Ram. Chuck Norris is Walker Texas Ranger. Saturday nights on cbs. His truck, Dodge Ram. Aggressive, confident, powerful. Like this. This is what happened. Dodge Ram plus a walk on role on the hit series Walker Texas Ranger. Enter today at your local Dodge dealer Take a ride with Dodge and Walker, Texas Ranger. [00:18:57] Speaker B: So he was a character actor? [00:18:59] Speaker A: Yeah, of course. You're messing with the wrong guy. We're up to a million hits. [00:19:04] Speaker B: Sweet. [00:19:05] Speaker A: Who is it? Chuck Norris. Yeah, right. See, like, what does that say? [00:19:33] Speaker B: Do the do. [00:19:34] Speaker A: Do the do. Yeah, that. [00:19:35] Speaker B: That was what the. [00:19:37] Speaker A: That, that was the commercial back in the day. Do the do. And. [00:19:41] Speaker B: Oh, my God, that's awful. [00:19:44] Speaker A: But yeah, no, he, he, you know, it was what, you know, a TV star and like the man. The man's man, you know. Yeah, like what every man aspired to be. And, you know, he did karate and all kinds of, you know, fun and. And he pretty much was like one of the first memes, you know, because he was such a, you know, tough guy, but he was like, also really nice. And not. [00:20:13] Speaker B: That's impressive. [00:20:14] Speaker A: Not an. And so, you know, I. I have a few, you know, there's like quite a few jokes, you know, and, you know, like, so, you know, like Mission Impossible was originally set to Chuck Norris house. Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to season his meat. Chuck Norris plays Jenga with Stonehenge. Chuck Norris is able to slam a revolving door. And like, you know, growing up like me and my friends, you know, everyone in America would, you know, go back and forth, you know, just, you know, claiming absurd that Chuck Norris could do. You know, it's like Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in. You know, when Chuck Norris was born, he slapped the doctor and he drove his mom home. And you just sit there like non stop and just, you know, do this while girls, like, they're talking about Chuck Norris again. And he was like, just like the toughest dude in the world. And you know, he'd like do a bunch of commercials and like, he made bank. Oh, yeah, like, like there. There's one commercial where like, like, let me see if I can find it. Commercial where two guys are talking about Chuck Norris as he walks in, You know. Is it. Oh, yeah, united health care. Yep, it is a United Healthcare commercial. Don't look now. Chuck Norris is right behind you. I heard superheroes read Chuck Norris comics. I heard at night the boogeyman checks under the bed for Chuck. I heard Chuck Norris's reflection won't even look him in the eye. Heard when cops need cops, they call Chuck Norris. I heard when Chuck gets in the water, sharks get out of the ocean. I heard when Chuck Norris is hiking, grizzlies look out for him. I heard Chuck Norris rise the motor without the cycle. I heard Chuck Norris wears a hat to protect the sun takes Chuck Norris to feel better. Heard it would actually kill the dinosaurs with Chuck Norris. I heard cat say they have chug like reflexes. I'll bet you a buck he catches his salt shaker. You're on. Hey, Chuck. [00:22:52] Speaker B: I was not prepared. [00:22:53] Speaker A: You can't always see what's coming. But when you choose United Health Care, finding an in network doctor that's close to home is easy. Cats have CH like reflexes. Too soon. Too soon. United Health. [00:23:07] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:23:09] Speaker A: Yes. That is exactly it. And yeah, we lost that guy and he passed away. Yeah, he passed away at 86. [00:23:23] Speaker B: Oh, my God, I totally missed that. [00:23:26] Speaker A: Yeah. 86 years old and it's like, damn. Yeah. And it's all the millennial people. It's all people my age. Anyone that's like, younger, you know, it's like they. They don't know who Chuck Norris is. Like, they may have heard about them, but it's like. Like more people have heard about Chuck Norris in the Pope. [00:23:57] Speaker B: Quite honestly, I love character actors. They're always the best. [00:24:01] Speaker A: I mean, he. He's always the same guy. [00:24:04] Speaker B: Yeah, no, those are like, I respect that so much. Like, they found their niche and they stuck with it and they just kind of continue to get better at that niche. [00:24:11] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, he. He was old. [00:24:14] Speaker B: Yeah, 86 is old. Like, really, like, old old. Like real old. [00:24:22] Speaker A: People are like, I didn't know his name was Carlos. No, it's Chuck Norris. [00:24:28] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:24:28] Speaker A: Always going to be Chuck Norris. [00:24:30] Speaker B: Yeah, no, that. That. I don't even care. And I see that that cannot change. [00:24:36] Speaker A: When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get in shape. Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear. When Chuck Norris plays dodgeball, the balls dodge him. [00:24:54] Speaker B: Do the Wally one. [00:24:55] Speaker A: The what? [00:24:56] Speaker B: Do the Wally one. That one's my favorite. [00:24:58] Speaker A: The Wally one? [00:24:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:24:59] Speaker A: Where do you see the wally one? You go ahead and. Oh. Chuck Norris is the reason that Wally is always hiding. [00:25:11] Speaker B: That one's my favorite. [00:25:14] Speaker A: When Chuck Norris cuts onions, the onions cry. [00:25:17] Speaker B: I do like that one. [00:25:20] Speaker A: Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe. He holds air hostage. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost. [00:25:39] Speaker B: I like the oxygen one so much. [00:25:42] Speaker A: It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box. [00:25:52] Speaker B: People are stupid. [00:25:55] Speaker A: There's never been a hurricane named Chuck because. Because it would have destroyed everything that is valid. [00:26:00] Speaker B: I'm 100% behind that. [00:26:02] Speaker A: Chuck Norris can build a Snowman out of rain. Oh my God. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass at night. [00:26:13] Speaker B: Eh, that one's not good. [00:26:18] Speaker A: The sun has to wear sunglasses when Chuck Norris glances at it. Yeah, I mean, like they, there's so many of these, you know, that we just like go back and forth and. Yeah. [00:26:31] Speaker B: You find out how rich he is as he's died. [00:26:33] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm sure I can. What was Chuck Norris's net worth? What was Chuck Norris's net worth? 70 million. [00:26:49] Speaker B: That's a lot. [00:26:51] Speaker A: That's more than I have. [00:26:52] Speaker B: That's true. [00:26:55] Speaker A: You know, he, he wasn't, you know, consistently out there, you know, just doing stuff non stop. You know, he, you know, had a family. You know, he had a wife and kid, I think. Kids, honestly. Yeah, he had two kids, I think. How many kids did chuck Norris have? 5. I was dead ass wrong. Yeah, so yeah, he was a family man too, so he had to like take care of his family. I'm kind of like that dude from Honey I Shunk the Kids. [00:27:34] Speaker B: I have never seen that movie. [00:27:37] Speaker A: Well, the, the actor in it, like his like, wife died of cancer and then he just like got out of acting to like raise his kids. So I'm like, ah, yeah, give that guy money. [00:27:49] Speaker B: Yeah, that's the appropriate response. [00:27:55] Speaker A: Honey, I shrunk the kids. Actor Rick Moranis. [00:28:02] Speaker B: Yeah, he looks like the dude from Austin Powers. [00:28:06] Speaker A: Yeah, almost. Yeah. Like, is Rick Moranis still acting? Yeah, he ended his long hiatus from, you know, owed for upcoming Spaceballs 2. Okay. [00:28:39] Speaker B: So he's coming back like the Mel Gibson one? [00:28:41] Speaker A: Yes. [00:28:42] Speaker B: Oh my God, I love that movie. Okay. Anything by Mel Gibson quite honestly is [00:28:47] Speaker A: good, but it's gonna be Josh Greenbaum directing it. [00:28:53] Speaker B: Ah, I'm not gonna lie. That makes me a little sad. [00:28:58] Speaker A: But yeah, no, he is dark. Hello. So, [00:29:05] Speaker B: man, Space falls was hilarious. [00:29:10] Speaker A: Baseballs 2 is coming out and I don't think it's gonna live up to the hype. [00:29:15] Speaker B: I, I, I don't, I am, I also share your concern. [00:29:18] Speaker A: Like, anytime, you know, like, there's been like a long time. Like, like literally the other day I, I went into McDonald's to go get a shamrock shake because I remember as a kid, Shamrock shakes were the tits. I love good Shamrock shake, you know, and it just, I got food with it as well. Mistake. I shouldn't done that. I should just came in for the shamrock shake and then like, you know, went and got real food. But I'm like, I'm here, let's get food too. [00:29:51] Speaker B: I hate that McDonald's tastes good. [00:29:53] Speaker A: And yeah, it gave me the worst farts of the year. And the shamrock shake, you know, I'm like, it doesn't have the magic anymore for some reason when I was a kid, shamrock shakes had magic in them. [00:30:09] Speaker B: So no dopamine. [00:30:10] Speaker A: No dopamine. I mean, it was good. It's like, I'm like, it's like a green shake at this point. Dumb. But that's it for this week. We will be back next week with some more stuff, maybe a longer episode, maybe the same amount, you know, same time episode. But yeah, you know, you know, think about your favorite Chuck Norris jokes, you know, go tell your kids about Chuck Norris and go have your kids watch, you know, Mr. Rogers neighborhood, you know, and until then, we'll see you next time. Bye. [00:30:44] Speaker B: Bye.