Alcohol for Breakfast

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Alrighty. All righty, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Human podcast. We got me Alex truck, the guy that's in this podcast. Probably not the one you're here to hear, but we also got my wife. She's just over there. [00:00:19] Speaker B: And me. [00:00:20] Speaker A: Yeah. And then Courtney, like, my wife just. She, like, fucking shimmied her shoulders. Like, you could fucking see it through, like, the speakers. It's like, yeah, I'm going to shimmy my shoulder. It's like, maybe you can say hi to the people. [00:00:35] Speaker B: I'm sorry. I did a butt wiggle. [00:00:39] Speaker A: Maybe they can hear my thoughts. [00:00:42] Speaker B: My butt wiggle. [00:00:43] Speaker A: Maybe it's a telepathic podcast. Welcome to the telepathic podcast. And then it's just silence. It's like, is there something. Oh, no. It's only for psychic people. Every psychic person in the world can hear it right now. We don't have a choice. [00:01:01] Speaker B: Yep. [00:01:04] Speaker A: Ah, but everything has been good this week. Other than the snow. Courtney doesn't even know what snow looks like anymore. [00:01:20] Speaker B: Yeah, I know. [00:01:21] Speaker A: She left Colorado. [00:01:22] Speaker B: I was like, yeah, it was great. She like, great. [00:01:30] Speaker A: Knocks over an ice water. Yeah, you knock over an ice water and then fucking get PTSD and be like, oh, no, it's on the ground. We can't drive. Well, now, this is why I don't want Californians coming out here, because they'll sell their house in California and be like, we can go live in Colorado. It's beautiful in Colorado. It's wonderful. There's so many hikings and views and things to do. There's nothing to do out here in Colorado other than smoke weed and take. So you forgot take to come out here, smoke weed and do psychedelics. Okay. [00:02:13] Speaker B: I mean, you're kind of selling it, so I don't know what you're thinking. I don't know what you're thinking, Alex. [00:02:21] Speaker A: People that smoke weed and do psychedelics don't normally own homes in California. Name three people other than know Cheech and Chong that fucking smoke weed and fucking do psychedelics that own something. [00:02:39] Speaker B: I don't know. Donna's got it. Yep. [00:02:43] Speaker A: She does psychedelics. She does not know you can smoke weed and have a bunch of shit. There's every rapper ever. Every comedian Ever. They all smoke weed. No, I want someone that fucking is like, I do a bunch of acid, smoke a bunch. [00:03:03] Speaker B: What about coke? [00:03:05] Speaker A: Cokeheads fucking have shit, okay? Because they're motivated to get more coke. That's all they want. As someone that has done fucking cocaine before, you're like, I want more cocaine. It's a vicious fucking cycle, and it keeps you fucking busy until your body is like, fuck you, I'm done. [00:03:33] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Fucking one of my coworkers. Like, she hella does coke, but she shows up every day sober, pulls her fucking part, so I don't give a fuck. [00:03:42] Speaker A: Yeah, I know a bunch of people that do fucking coke, and I'm just like, yeah, you do. You. I don't care. [00:03:49] Speaker B: Yeah, you can tell when she hasn't done coke because she starts getting weird. I mean, really, what does she do? She gets super fucking bitch ass moody, and then she'll be doing something, then she'll stop and be like, fuck. And then she'll just walk off, and it's like, yeah, you've lost your motivation. [00:04:14] Speaker A: Yeah, coke is expensive. [00:04:16] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:04:16] Speaker A: I don't know why she's in my field. [00:04:18] Speaker B: Although she does have a really rich husband. Maybe that's what she's using to fund her coke. Yeah, that makes sense. [00:04:27] Speaker A: You don't get to do coke. [00:04:29] Speaker B: I don't want to do coke. [00:04:31] Speaker A: Yeah, like me, I'm like, fucking leave it. Whatever. [00:04:35] Speaker B: No. Uppers make me sleepy, and downers make me awake. That's why I can't take Benadryl, because I'll be bouncing off the wall for hours. [00:04:42] Speaker A: I'll microwave some, like, Benadryl and chop it into lines. Like, they'll do a line of benadryl. [00:04:48] Speaker B: Like, caffeine makes me sleepy. [00:04:51] Speaker A: They have this new caffeine thing that I've seen on my timeline. It's the dumbest shit ever, because nowhere in my instagram timeline have I ever been like, I like coke, but it's caffeine that you snort. Like, it comes in, like, this giant fucking container that has, like, little vials of fucking caffeine. [00:05:13] Speaker B: I thought that was just, like, a meme of some kind. That shit's real. [00:05:16] Speaker A: It's very real, yes. [00:05:17] Speaker B: What? [00:05:19] Speaker A: Yeah, okay. [00:05:21] Speaker B: I thought that was just, like, a fucking, like. I don't know. I didn't think that shit was real. [00:05:27] Speaker A: I would never fucking snort caffeine, never snort anything. [00:05:32] Speaker B: I don't like it when my nose is dry and it bleeds. Like, why the fuck would I put something up it? If I'm going to snort something, it's going to be like, medicine, and then. [00:05:41] Speaker A: If you look up snorting caffeine, snorting caffeine could damage your heart. The risk of snorting caffeine pills. [00:05:49] Speaker B: No shame. [00:05:50] Speaker A: Following several tragic deaths. It's like, ugh, Jesus Christ. [00:05:54] Speaker B: It's like, cigarettes. It's just. [00:06:03] Speaker A: Like, it's my favorite fucking. Like, Walmart sells turbo caffeine nasal spray. Walmart does, yeah. [00:06:13] Speaker B: The more people who take themselves of the population, the better. Thank you, Walmart, for doing the good Lord's work. [00:06:22] Speaker A: And it's called bump, too. [00:06:24] Speaker B: It's called what? [00:06:25] Speaker A: Bump. Caffeine. [00:06:27] Speaker B: Makes me think of bumpkins. [00:06:29] Speaker A: Yeah, it looks like this. [00:06:31] Speaker B: Makes me think of a bump of coke. [00:06:33] Speaker A: Yeah, looks like that. It's a little tiny fucking vial that you can just take that and snort it. [00:06:39] Speaker B: People are stupid. [00:06:40] Speaker A: Yes, people are very fucking stupid. [00:06:41] Speaker B: See it? You know that, right? [00:06:43] Speaker A: What? [00:06:44] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Screenshot it. [00:06:45] Speaker A: Okay, fine, here, I'll fucking. Well, I had to look it up on my phone, so that's why you can't see. [00:06:50] Speaker B: It's okay, I'll look it up. You can literally just wonder if it's on Amazon. [00:06:53] Speaker A: It is. [00:06:54] Speaker B: Everything's on. [00:06:58] Speaker A: You know, it's wantabump.com and a 1 gram container of wantabump.com is $10. You can also get a 30 pack, which is the fucking giant fucking thing I saw. That is $210 essentially. [00:07:18] Speaker B: Jesus. [00:07:20] Speaker A: Yeah. For 30 of them. [00:07:22] Speaker B: Good God. [00:07:23] Speaker A: I mean, if you buy them individually, it'd be $300, and then the ten pack is fucking $90, which just comes in a box and I'm sure it's like fucking garbage. Clean energy, on demand, natural caffeine. Yeah. I guarantee you the FDA has nothing to do with, like, ugh, fuck you guys. You're going to ruin everything. [00:07:59] Speaker B: The FDA does its job. Don't look down on them. [00:08:03] Speaker A: No, they don't. They wildly let shit go through as long as you give them enough money. [00:08:10] Speaker B: You have no idea how difficult it is to make health certificates that are FDA approved. You've no idea the fucking hoops we have to jump through to make health certificates. Like, it's fucking a lot of work. [00:08:22] Speaker A: But the amount of shit that the FDA has let through, and know some third party comes through and like, hey, this, this, and this is going to kill your fucking child. Like applesauce, like, the applesauce packs, like this will kill your fucking child or make them insanely fucking sick. Do not fucking give this to your kid. I'm like, good job. FDA glad you caught it. Oh, wait, you didn't. [00:08:47] Speaker B: I'm talking about veterinary medicine. I don't care about human medicine. [00:08:50] Speaker A: It's not human medicine. It's a food and drug administration. [00:08:54] Speaker B: No, they also cover medicine. [00:08:56] Speaker A: They also cover cattle, but yeah, cattle include medicine. [00:08:59] Speaker B: You can't have cattle without medicine. [00:09:01] Speaker A: Yeah, they have to make sure, so the FDA makes sure that your cattle are healthy enough so they don't have, like, mad cow disease or something, that when you slaughter them, they know fucking putting that bacteria or evil shit into the world. So, yes, they do fucking shit for meat, and then they try and catch as much of it as they can. Obviously, they can't test every fucking cow, but they do what they can. But I would love to work for the FDA and make. Oh, no, this is bad cocaine. You can't have this bad cocaine. I will take it and destroy it for you and then just, like, churn my back with my nose. What are you googling over there? What? [00:09:52] Speaker B: I forgot what prions were, so I'm looking them up. You forgot what prions were? [00:09:58] Speaker A: Prions? Yeah, it fucking makes the back, or it makes the fucking proteins fold weird, and then it's when you eat other humans. [00:10:09] Speaker B: Okay, I know, but is a prion just a protein or is it bacterial, or is it archaean? Like, what the fuck is it? [00:10:18] Speaker A: It's a fucking consequence for bad actions. But I'm pretty sure it's, like a protein. Do not take me up. I'm sure there's people like Alex, you fucking idiot. No, it's not. It's this, because I went to college and this is the only information I retained. The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. [00:10:43] Speaker B: Mitochondria is originally a virus. Our own cells, like, fucking ate and then started using. [00:10:50] Speaker A: It's a pretty good fucking virus to fucking steal fucking tits. I like how she's like. My wife is like the worst googler in the world. What is a prion? A prion is an infectious agent. The term prions refers to abnormal pathogenic agents that are transmittable and are able to induce the abnormal folding of specific normal cellular proteins called prion, proteins that are. God damn it, mochi. [00:11:22] Speaker B: Okay. Prions are not alive. That is the question I needed answered. Yeah, no, they are not alive. [00:11:30] Speaker A: Like prions getting. Would you like to say hello? That's my cat, Mochi. Say hello. Say hello to the people. There we go. I know, you're the cutest. Okay, fine. Here, get up to. Hop up there. Hop up to your little high spot. Okay, whatever, I don't care. [00:11:52] Speaker B: It's so hard to be a daddy's girl. [00:11:54] Speaker A: Yeah, she's obnoxious. Yeah, you are obnoxious. Mochi, here, would you like me to move my phone so you can get enough purchase on the desk to jump up a thing that you can climb up, you idiot? Okay, fine. I'm sorry. I love you, Mochi. Okay, but onto the news. What is this even, like, fucking Chrome updated? And I'm like, no. And everything's different now. [00:12:28] Speaker B: Oh, my God. We're such fucking boomers. Yeah, it's awful. [00:12:32] Speaker A: Like, this one ego released a boozy drink that tastes like waffles, maple syrup and bacon. [00:12:39] Speaker B: Oh, my God, I want this. I want this. [00:12:43] Speaker A: Eggo brunch in a jar. Waffles and syrup. Cream liqueur. Appalachian sipping cream. It's, like, just in a fucking mason jar. 40 proof. And I would say it looks fucking awesome. Let's see where to fuck it. I need to find out where to get this. [00:13:11] Speaker B: It's at, like, total wine, okay? It's at your mainstream liquor store. [00:13:18] Speaker A: You can visit sugarlands.com brunch in ajar to find a retailer. We're going right now to find out. Of course, I'm of legal drinking age. [00:13:28] Speaker B: Oh, my God. We need to find the closest place to home, ideally close to Home Depot. [00:13:33] Speaker A: Look at. Oh, shit. Number one, Cheyenne trail ent liquor over there by the broadmoor, less than a mile away. [00:13:55] Speaker B: Oh, is that cork and brews over there? [00:13:58] Speaker A: No, it's something else. It's Cheyenne trails ent liquor. [00:14:03] Speaker B: Pretty close to the one I like to fucking. Oh, my God. I went to the fucking. [00:14:08] Speaker A: Oh, there is corks and bottles. [00:14:09] Speaker B: Yes. [00:14:10] Speaker A: So, yeah, corks and bottles has that. [00:14:11] Speaker B: Oh, my God. We're going there tomorrow. [00:14:12] Speaker A: Cool. And we're going to try this. And we will give you an update next episode on how the fucking ego fucking brunch in a jar tastes. [00:14:25] Speaker B: This bitch better be balm. [00:14:27] Speaker A: And if it is absolutely trash, we will fucking trash it. [00:14:32] Speaker B: Does it need to be carbonated? [00:14:33] Speaker A: No. [00:14:34] Speaker B: Okay. [00:14:35] Speaker A: Why would it be carbonated? [00:14:36] Speaker B: I prefer my alcohol carbonated. [00:14:39] Speaker A: Why? [00:14:40] Speaker B: Because it sits easier on my tummy. [00:14:43] Speaker A: Sits worse on your tummy? [00:14:44] Speaker B: No, carbonation is my friend. Just drinking straight vodka versus, like, a vodka soda. Big ass difference for my stomach. [00:14:53] Speaker A: Mochi, can you not step on shit? Mochi get shoe so hard to be a princess. No, it's not. She's, like, just over here stepping on. [00:15:05] Speaker B: All my equipment because it got your attention. [00:15:09] Speaker A: Leave Mochi now. You're banned now. You're banned from the fucking podcast for the rest of the day. Fuck you. So we will give you a fucking full ass update and tell you if we have diabetes or not. But onto the next story. A japanese man causes an explosion while spraying insecticides to kill a cockroach. Silly japanese man. You can't kill cockroaches. [00:15:42] Speaker B: Cockroaches are cool. Why do people not like cockroaches? These things are fucking cool. [00:15:49] Speaker A: I mean, give it a different name, like cockroach. It makes it sound like it has a huge dick or something. [00:15:58] Speaker B: I don't think cockroach is probably american. Probably came from another language, and that's what it's been chopped up into. [00:16:07] Speaker A: A man caused an explosion at his house in southern japanese city of Kumamoto after spraying a large amount of insecticide to kill a cockroach. The incident occurred around midnight on December 10. According to the report in the Manichi Shimbon probably misad that a balcony window broke as a result, which is cool because it's just paper. I mean, it's Japan. And the man suffered some minor injuries, which is awful considering the Cockroach probably didn't die. [00:16:46] Speaker B: Cockroach is spanish. [00:16:51] Speaker A: For what those who. [00:16:54] Speaker B: Hide from the sun. [00:16:56] Speaker A: You're going to start something like it's spanish. [00:16:59] Speaker B: Well, yeah, I told you it wasn't american. You were making a joke about being a cockroach, but I knew that wasn't going to be accurate. [00:17:05] Speaker A: Yeah, that's why it was a joke. There's papa roach, and then cockroach jokes. [00:17:13] Speaker B: Aren'T funny if they're not accurate. [00:17:15] Speaker A: That's the funniest jokes. [00:17:17] Speaker B: No, those are the worst jokes. I can't laugh at them. They make no sense. [00:17:22] Speaker A: Your fucking joke makes no sense. Your canadian bacon joke makes absolutely no sense. [00:17:27] Speaker B: It would not make sense to you. [00:17:31] Speaker A: Okay? In fact, next Monday, I will get up on stage and tell that joke to a room full of people up on an open mic. I'll be like, hey, everyone, my wife gave me a joke to give to you. Who wants to hear it? And people will look up from the cell phone, beg. I'm like, yeah, go ahead and do it. And they'll raise me up on their shoulders and make. That's the funniest joke. I'm like, you fucking autistic pieces of shit. I don't get the joke. They're like, it's so goddamn funny. I'm going to laugh till I die. Oh, my God. Someone hit me in the head with a hammer. So I die knowing this funny joke. This is the best time. [00:18:20] Speaker B: I know no one will laugh. I hope you appreciate the crickets. [00:18:24] Speaker A: Oh, I've had my very own crickets. [00:18:27] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:18:27] Speaker A: Fucking telling a joke. I'll be like, my mom's gay. And people are like, she likes eating pussy. I think anymore it's like, you bigot. I'm like, sometimes somebody in the audience will shout something out and it'll fucking crush. It's like, the best. And then that person is like, I'm a part of this show. It's like, shut the fuck up, dude. You said one fucking funny thing. If you think you're funny, get up here on stage and continue saying funny things. [00:19:03] Speaker B: Oh, it's not proper protocol. [00:19:05] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, every once in a while, if you have a good fucking zinger, go for it. Especially if they're fucking dying up there, because that can sometimes be a lifeline to them to fucking help them back. Oh, cool. I can regain control of the room. [00:19:24] Speaker B: People are more likely to laugh if they hear other people laughing. [00:19:28] Speaker A: Yeah, that's why it's like yawning sometimes. What I'll do is I'll fucking do some crowd work and I'll gain information about people in the crowd and then fucking do jokes based on that. [00:19:41] Speaker B: Yeah, that's the best way to do know. [00:19:43] Speaker A: Where are you from? What do you do? Oh, you're from fucking Tennessee and you work in the bank. Oh, man, that's crazy. You moved out here and fucking learned about money out there. You just fucking traded know something like that. But back to this japanese man that's blowing his shit up. Investigations revealed burn marks near Kotatsu, which is a heating table with a low table and a special futon placed over it, an electric heater underneath. Just look it up. Japanese National Consumer Affair center has received several reports of such. This one guy's getting blown up for just doing one thing. [00:20:32] Speaker B: Why do people not like cockroaches? They're an important part of our ecosystem. [00:20:37] Speaker A: Japanese people like, no cockroaches at all. Spraying pesticides at electrical outlets can damage them and consequently injure people. Jesus Christ. Many sprays contain flammable ingredients, including alcohol. They also contain propellants such as propane and butane, which helps push the liquid insecticide out of the cannon into the air dispersal. So, yeah, apparently this has just been happening all over the fucking spot. [00:21:14] Speaker B: People are stupid. [00:21:16] Speaker A: The home is said to still be crawling with cockroaches when firefighters arrived, of course. So he didn't do shit. But he's like, you can't be in my home if there's not a home to be in and just burns the entire bitch down. Be like, fuck you, cockroach. And they just build a new house. Like, they all link together and, like, we are a house. And they infest her own fucking shit. Like nanobots from big hero. Was it big hero five? The movie with. Do you know what I'm talking about, Courtney? Is any of this shit making sense? [00:21:52] Speaker B: No. [00:21:53] Speaker A: The fucking movie. The animated movie of the big marshmallow. Dude. [00:21:57] Speaker B: You look like the Michelin man. [00:21:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:00] Speaker B: I thought it was an eight. [00:22:01] Speaker A: Big hero. Eight? [00:22:02] Speaker B: Yeah. I don't know. [00:22:06] Speaker A: I haven't seen the movie in a long time because it's so fucking sad. His brother dies at the beginning. I'm like, oh, no, it's a Disney film. Yeah, I think so. Let's see. Big hero. Big hero six. We were both wrong. [00:22:25] Speaker B: Yes, I love being wrong, but, yeah. [00:22:28] Speaker A: The fucking Bayomax, or whatever the fuck his name, Baymax says it right there on the picture. Jesus Christ. [00:22:35] Speaker B: Like, Bayomax better. [00:22:40] Speaker A: But, yeah, I don't even remember how I got there. But, yeah, the cockroaches are still just fucking. Oh, yeah, cockroaches making their own fucking house out of cockroaches. [00:22:51] Speaker B: Remember there's cockroaches on fucking Wally on earth that he was on. [00:22:57] Speaker A: Yeah. Did you not notice all the garbage everywhere? Yeah, cockroaches just come out of garbage. They're like, oh, you're on an episode of Hoarders. And I'm sure they're like, there's not enough cockroaches in here. And they throw a bunch down. [00:23:13] Speaker B: No, this is literally planet Earth trying to break down the trash. They're sending the cockroaches like, please. And then people get rid of. The. People are mean to the cockroaches. [00:23:23] Speaker A: I'm going to say this. Fucking children that are fucking fascinated by hissing cockroaches and shit are weird. Okay? If you have a kid that's like, yeah, I have a box full of hissing cockroaches, and I let them crawl on me. It's great. You have a weird fucking kid. The fuck is going on? [00:23:42] Speaker B: Why not? Cockroaches are still a food source. You should play with your food. [00:23:47] Speaker A: Well, they're not eating them. They're, like, fucking raising them. [00:23:52] Speaker B: I know. They're an excellent source of protein. [00:23:54] Speaker A: Yeah, if you give me a cockroach hamburger, I'm going to punch you in the mouth. [00:23:58] Speaker B: Oh, my God. For a while, Purina had a insect protein based diet, and it wasn't selling in the US, so they discontinued it. And I'm so upset because you know what? We could be using that as a hydrolyzed protein diet. [00:24:12] Speaker A: Mochi, get out of here. You're banned. Remember, I told you with english words. [00:24:17] Speaker B: Oh, she giving you ear flaps. She not listening to you. [00:24:20] Speaker A: Meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. I guess it worked. [00:24:29] Speaker B: She left talking about tax benefits. No one wants to listen to that. [00:24:37] Speaker A: I probably just called her the n word, and now she's, like, super offended. She's like, I'm never talking to him again. Called me a fucking pussy. [00:24:47] Speaker B: You're one who said mama was a sassy black lady. [00:24:50] Speaker A: She is. So Bud light is back in the limelight, baby. Kid Rock says he's done boycotting Bud light. [00:24:59] Speaker B: Fuck yeah. You go bud light. I don't like drinking Bud light, but I approve of everything they've done on their stance, so I support them, but I'm not going to purchase their number one bud light. [00:25:11] Speaker A: I don't really give a shit. I drink PBR because I'm a huge piece of shit, and I love being a piece of shit. [00:25:16] Speaker B: I'm glad you acknowledged that fact. [00:25:19] Speaker A: Yeah, it's fucking cheap. It's a dollar. It's, like $0.90 for that fucking can of PBR. That's, like, less than a can of cola. [00:25:29] Speaker B: Yeah, and it tastes worse than cola. [00:25:32] Speaker A: Fucking all beer tastes like fucking hot garbage. [00:25:36] Speaker B: You have no palate. Your beer tastes worse because you have no palate. [00:25:43] Speaker A: Somehow your beer is like $10 a fucking can. And anytime I go to take a sip of your fucking shitty beer, like, a fist comes out and punches me in the mouth, and, like, that's what you get. Now drink me, bitch. I'm like, I don't want to drink your fucking soda shit. [00:26:00] Speaker B: I don't want to share it with you. [00:26:01] Speaker A: Good. It's all yours. [00:26:02] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:26:03] Speaker A: Your fucking guinnesses and shit like that. [00:26:06] Speaker B: Okay. No, don't call me out like that, okay? I only drink extra stout. I only drink extra stout. [00:26:11] Speaker A: Okay, see, I'll fucking drink Budweiser. Bud light. I don't give a fuck. I'm natty lights. You give me a fucking beer, I'll fucking drink it. My first favorite fucking beer is free. My second favorite is cold. Let's just fucking get that out of the way. Yes, I like a fucking cheap beer. You cannot get me drunk on beer. If you ever fucking meet me out in the wild and you want to try, you're more than welcome to try. If you're ever in Durango, Colorado, on a Monday or Wednesday, I'm down at the Starlight Lounge. You can buy me drinks all night long. I will drink them. I will not get drunk. Just letting you know, if you ever want to put this to the test? Monday night is comedy. 08:00 Wednesday night, karaoke. I fucking do comedy, and I sing. And if you're buying me drinks, I will let you pick the songs. [00:27:08] Speaker B: Oh, God. [00:27:10] Speaker A: But last Wednesday, they were doing roulettes. And I'm like, okay, I signed myself up for a roulette, and it turned out to all be Christmas songs. I'm like, absolutely not. And so I went to immediately make an enemy of the karaoke person. And I'm like, show me your genitals by John Laroche. And, yeah, I got done with the fucking song. And she looked at me and she's like, okay, that was a thing. [00:27:44] Speaker B: Wait, she didn't know what she was signing up for? [00:27:46] Speaker A: No idea. She saw the name of the song. Show me your genitals. And she's like, does this song exist? I'm like, yeah, better believe it does. [00:27:57] Speaker B: I also did not think it existed until I was proven wrong, and she. [00:28:01] Speaker A: Was horrified to learn that it did indeed exist. [00:28:06] Speaker B: You think it could be? [00:28:07] Speaker A: And the song starts off, women are stupid, and I don't respect them. That's right. I just have sex with them. Show me your genitals, your genitals. Show me your genitals, your genitalia. [00:28:23] Speaker B: It does not get better, but it's still funny. [00:28:25] Speaker A: It's a great song. [00:28:26] Speaker B: Oh, God, please stop. [00:28:28] Speaker A: Yeah, that's her. The entire fucking song. And she's like, what the fuck is happening? [00:28:38] Speaker B: Can't believe that's a karaoke song. [00:28:40] Speaker A: And there's show me your genitals too. I kill people. Fuck everything. There's a fucking list of song. And he's a hilarious. Is canadian. He's also in the league. And I watched her just be horrified at that. That's what you get for fucking trying to give me a fucking Christmas song. No. [00:29:11] Speaker B: That'S why his shit reminded me so much of Letter Kenny. [00:29:15] Speaker A: Yeah, he's in the league. He's taco in the league. [00:29:18] Speaker B: No, that makes so much more sense. I was like, why does this style of fucking talking sound so familiar? I'd never heard it in a song form. [00:29:26] Speaker A: Yeah, no, he also does songs in the league. Like vaginal hubris. Vaginal hubris. Vaginal hubris. According to her, all of the pussies are useless. Fucking great. So, yeah, if you buy me beers, you can fucking choose my karaoke songs. I'll sing whatever the fuck you want, aside from oingle boingle little girls. For that, you have to buy me something stronger and try and get me drunk. But Kid Rock is changing his tune on Bud light. He was the first to boycott Bud light and start shooting at Bud light. Canceled his guns and fuck Bud light because Dylan Mulvaney or whatever the fuck. [00:30:15] Speaker B: I didn't know Kid Rog was a little bitch. [00:30:19] Speaker A: No, he was fine. But it's like, bud Light is back in a big way. [00:30:29] Speaker B: Hey, Courtney, does your dad still not drink Bud light? Oh, I think you bought it because it was cheaper. [00:30:37] Speaker A: Yeah, I'll fucking go and buy some Bud light. [00:30:43] Speaker B: I don't understand what his problem was. [00:30:46] Speaker A: Your dad is religious. That is his problem. He believes in Jesus. That is his problem. [00:30:53] Speaker B: He believes in the same does. [00:30:56] Speaker A: So. But it's like, yeah, fucking. There's other beers that could easily fucking go to that, but they're like, hey, let's go to the beer of fucking hate groups and fucking redneck bars and fucking try and inject a little LGBTQia into it. I'm like, all like, that wasn't the, like, do that with natty lights. Do that with Mike's hard lemonade. [00:31:27] Speaker B: Okay. If you drink Mike's hard lemonade, that says something about you as a person. [00:31:31] Speaker A: That's like, I am gay. Yeah, basically, bring me a dick next. [00:31:36] Speaker B: Okay. No. So white claw, straight Mike's is gay. [00:31:41] Speaker A: Okay. I'll drink a mike's hard lemonade. I don't care. I'll drink a smirnoff ice. I don't fucking care. [00:31:47] Speaker B: You will. [00:31:48] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. What? Yeah. [00:31:53] Speaker B: Okay. [00:31:54] Speaker A: You married a fucking froot loop, babe. Tough. I'm, like, the gayest fucking man, you know? [00:32:03] Speaker B: At least you've had the decency not to bring it into the house, so thank you. [00:32:06] Speaker A: Bring a bunch of men in here. [00:32:08] Speaker B: You'Re allowed to do that. [00:32:10] Speaker A: Oh, what the. Fucking smearing off ices or the fucking. They're expensive. Not going to go buy some expensive shit. [00:32:19] Speaker B: I don't care. It's just long as they're not in the house. [00:32:22] Speaker A: I am a cheap fucking alcoholic. Give me the cheapest shit you possibly can get me. Cheap fucking tequila, cheap fucking everything. I don't need it to be nice. So, yeah, my boy, kid rock, he's back on the fucking cheap beer bandwagon. So you can go buy your bud lights again because they're no longer gay. [00:32:51] Speaker B: Fuck even is Kid rock. [00:32:55] Speaker A: And we were smoking funny things, and we were taking funny things, making love out all summer long. [00:33:05] Speaker B: That sounds familiar. So he's a country singer? [00:33:09] Speaker A: Kind of. He also does, like, hard rock. [00:33:12] Speaker B: Okay. [00:33:13] Speaker A: As well. [00:33:13] Speaker B: So he's like, that medium mix now? [00:33:17] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, everyone has to do it. Let's see, kid. I hate Kid rock. [00:33:34] Speaker B: That's what he looks like. [00:33:35] Speaker A: Yeah, he fucking looks like a fucking. [00:33:37] Speaker B: What the fuck? [00:33:39] Speaker A: Back in the day, he fucking was doing okay. [00:33:43] Speaker B: Looks weird as shit. Okay. I don't know what I expected Kid Rock to look like, but that was not it. [00:33:52] Speaker A: This is Kid Rock. You remember this song? [00:34:00] Speaker B: Oh, he's that kind of person. [00:34:05] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:07] Speaker B: Okay, now the hair fits with the song. I had to see the speedboat for me to understand what level of society he is. I'm kind of cunty sometimes. [00:34:25] Speaker A: Yeah. And then he does like fucking other. And I've set up and tore down this stage with my own two hands. Does more like rock shit too. And all this for the fans, girls, money and fame. I play the 30 pack of stroll. 30 pack? No, rogue in the propane zone. [00:34:45] Speaker B: You know what? [00:34:46] Speaker A: What? [00:34:47] Speaker B: This dude is living his best life. I have no business taking a shit on him. [00:34:51] Speaker A: Kid Rock is awesome. Okay? Yeah, I love fucking Kid rock. Okay? He's my guy. [00:34:56] Speaker B: Okay? I've decided I respect him as an individual, but I still don't like his music. [00:34:59] Speaker A: I like his music, too. Goddamn. Yeah. [00:35:03] Speaker B: No, he more than should. [00:35:04] Speaker A: Yeah, he has shit saved on my Spotify. He didn't make the fucking rapped, but he never will. There's certain people that get up there. There's nobody up there, idiot. [00:35:24] Speaker B: It's about time for her zoomies to hit, so. [00:35:29] Speaker A: And this is the first bit of bad news that I've read. Mississippi man charged with vandalizing satanic temples display inside Iowa Capitol building. [00:35:40] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Why? [00:35:43] Speaker A: So in Des Moines, Iowa, there is a bahamut display and he just fucking went up and destroyed it. You have to kind of go look at pictures and shit. It wasn't very big. It was just kind of like a little fucking thing by the stairs and just saying, hey, we are the saitanic temple next to the happy holiday. This is like a desk size, so it wasn't like a huge fucking official display or nothing. And just some dude came over and just fucking wrecked the shit out of it. Let me see. Did they even say who it was yet? Yes, 35 year old Michael Cassidy of Lauderdale, Mississippi, was charged with fourth degree criminal mischief, which doesn't even seem that bad. It's like, oh, you rascal, you. They, like, tussle his hair and send him on his way. [00:36:40] Speaker B: No, this is court like code. [00:36:44] Speaker A: Yeah, it's fourth degree. He's like, I'm a fifth degree criminal mischiefer. [00:36:49] Speaker B: Yeah, courts are full of secret words that you don't know if you don't look up. [00:36:55] Speaker A: Yeah. And fucking all lawyer talk is, but it's not that bad. Like, first degree is the worst. And then, yeah, he's at fourth degree. I'm like, I don't even know what that is. Temple indeed. Earlier this month, they set up the display, which features a ram's head covered with mirrors on a mannequin cloaked in red, saying as their symbol to their right to religious freedom. They intended to take down the display Friday morning. And so, yeah, they fucking destroyed the entire fucking thing beyond repair. [00:37:36] Speaker B: This is the kind of person who gets, like, all shit tucky about happy holidays and how it needs to be merry Christmas. That's that, dude. [00:37:45] Speaker A: Yeah. This guy believes either too much in Jesus or is fucking doing some evil shit. Honestly, me personally, I love the church of Satan. They are a good fucking organization. And the one thing I really love about them, they pay the taxes. They don't do any of that fucking dumb bullshit. You're never going to have them knocking on your door. You have to go fucking find them out and find out what they believe in. But it's actually a really good religion, and if I was to join one, it'd be the Church of Satan. I've said this before. Yeah. Fucking money that they make, they fucking pay taxes on. [00:38:34] Speaker B: What would pull you back into religion? [00:38:37] Speaker A: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. But if I wanted to go back. [00:38:42] Speaker B: To religion, what would make you want to go back to religion? [00:38:50] Speaker A: So I make a deal with God every once in a while, probably like once a week. I'm like, God, if you're real hurt that person in front of me, make a deer run out or make him fucking slip on some ice, or make him lose control of his car, pop a tire, do something. And if you kill him, I'll become a devout follower of you. Never had done it once. [00:39:17] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. [00:39:18] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm like, this is all you have to do. You have to kill one person, and you will have your fucking very own job back. I will be know, like, job? [00:39:31] Speaker B: You want more than one wife? [00:39:33] Speaker A: No, he only had one wife. [00:39:35] Speaker B: No. After fucking, God was like, oh, yeah. [00:39:39] Speaker A: He killed all the kids and then fucking made his wife fucking give birth. Like, another ten kids. That is not how his wife came back. Yes, that is how it happened. [00:39:47] Speaker B: No, he had like, ten plus wives after that. Like, God gave him a shit ton of wives. [00:39:52] Speaker A: Wonder what that fucking. Unless he gives me all the money, then it's like, okay, I'll be down for that. But if I don't have a bunch of money, then no, they're like, all fucking trying to stretch a dime, and I'm like, dumb bitches. Yeah. That guy is fucking probably going to go serve, like, a slap on the wrist and have to join the church of Satan or something. [00:40:22] Speaker B: I wonder if he would have a higher sentence if he attacked, like, a traditional christian statue. [00:40:27] Speaker A: Probably. But, yeah, even the governor was like, this is kind of questionable, but it wasn't even, like, that big. It wasn't even, like, a huge fucking thing. It was just like, a little fucking the satanic temple of Iowa. Some guy was like, fuck you. You can't do this. All right, dude. Confess your sons. Oh, yeah. And so we have an update on an old story. So there is a six year old who brought a gun to school and shot the teacher. Like, remember this? [00:41:07] Speaker B: No, but continue. [00:41:09] Speaker A: So, pretty much the whole story was like, a six year old had a gun in their backpack, was fucking fiddling with it, and shot a teacher. The teacher survives. [00:41:21] Speaker B: Okay? [00:41:24] Speaker A: And it wasn't like, a malicious, like, fuck you, obviously. [00:41:27] Speaker B: And it's not malicious. [00:41:28] Speaker A: Yeah, it was a six year old. But the parent of this kid gets two years in prison for child neglect. [00:41:38] Speaker B: Yeah. Someone's at fault, and it is most certainly the parent. I completely agree with this. 100% agree with this. What did the kid do again? [00:41:47] Speaker A: So the kid had a gun in their backpack, and we don't know who the kid is. [00:41:53] Speaker B: Obviously. [00:41:54] Speaker A: That's just how shit works. Yeah. [00:41:57] Speaker B: Also, it's fucked up. [00:41:58] Speaker A: And so the kid had a gun, brought it to school, thinking it was like a toy, like a Barbie or whatever, pulled it out to show the teacher and accidentally discharged. And shot the teacher. The teacher survived. Everyone was fine. [00:42:13] Speaker B: Do we know where the teacher got shot? [00:42:17] Speaker A: In school. [00:42:18] Speaker B: Okay, continue. Yeah. [00:42:23] Speaker A: It'S like the old fucking Forrest Gump joke. [00:42:26] Speaker B: I know. I walked into that. I'm aware. [00:42:29] Speaker A: Where did Forrest Gump get shot? In the button. Now, in Vietnam. But, yeah. So now this parent is probably going to get their kid taken away. Yeah. Striking her hand and chest, breaking bones, punctured along. [00:42:54] Speaker B: Oh, shit. [00:42:54] Speaker A: She spent weeks in the hospital and had five surgeries. [00:42:57] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. She can't afford those fucking medical bills. [00:43:00] Speaker A: She is so mentally scarred by the shooting, she does not plan to return to teaching. [00:43:03] Speaker B: No fucking shit. She just lost her whole world. [00:43:11] Speaker A: She just gained a whole world. Are you kidding me? [00:43:13] Speaker B: Yeah, no, I know. [00:43:15] Speaker A: She doesn't have to fucking deal with shitty kids anymore. That's a great time. [00:43:19] Speaker B: It's a shame but, yeah, the parent is 100% at fault. [00:43:28] Speaker A: Yeah, first grade. [00:43:36] Speaker B: How old are you in first grade? [00:43:39] Speaker A: Fucking six years old. Yeah, but, yeah, no, there's only in the top drawer of the mom's dad or in her dresser. Yeah. That sucks for everyone involved. [00:43:59] Speaker B: Like, not only is a gun accessible to a child, a loaded gun is accessible to a child. [00:44:05] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, if I had a kid. Yeah. I wouldn't fucking have guns all over the house, but I don't have a kid, so I don't have guns all over the house. [00:44:15] Speaker B: Yeah. And I ain't touching those things. [00:44:17] Speaker A: Great. [00:44:18] Speaker B: Give me the heapy chibies. [00:44:22] Speaker A: I mean, until she is like, I'm going to kill my husband. And then she'll pick it up and be like, oh, fuck. [00:44:27] Speaker B: I am not using a gun. I already told you how I'm going to kill you. [00:44:30] Speaker A: That's going to be awful. Murder conviction. [00:44:35] Speaker B: Oh, I'm going to bring home some phena barbital and then do it in his sleep. [00:44:40] Speaker A: Phena barbecue? Hell, yeah. I love barbecue. [00:44:43] Speaker B: Yeah. I'll even fuck you before you die. Okay. [00:44:48] Speaker A: Like, how will you know when you have, like, a dead dick in you? Because it just gets like, rick and mortise. [00:44:53] Speaker B: Okay. No, I'm going to fuck you before I kill you. [00:44:56] Speaker A: So I'll know when I'm about to die because my wife is going to fuck me. She's going to like, hey, let me suck your dick. I'm like, are you trying to fucking kill me? [00:45:09] Speaker B: I am a praying mantis. [00:45:14] Speaker A: But. Murder conviction of Chicago man who spent twelve years behind bars overturned because key witnesses, or key witness was legally blind. The witness was allegedly suffering from advanced glaucoma at the time of the crime, severely limiting visibility. [00:45:34] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:45:35] Speaker A: Surveillance video from the scene also revealed the eyewitness was much further away than he initially claimed to be, which has to fucking. Just kill you. Just be in fucking prison for twelve years. Because a blind dude is like, I saw everything, officer. I'm over here. I saw everything, officer. [00:46:01] Speaker B: Memories are false. [00:46:04] Speaker A: It's like, you should have to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt to fucking convict anyone and put anyone in prison. That way fucking murderers can fucking walk all over the place and then fucking people watch their fucking mouth and it's like, oh, you want to fucking get all kind of trippy up here at target? Okay, we'll all find you in the fucking parking lot and stab you in the neck and then drive away and get away with it. [00:46:29] Speaker B: We need more predators. Oh, my God. I think we have got that covered. Though. No, we do not. I think we do. No, the world is not overpopulated. [00:46:41] Speaker A: But Darian Harris, a 30 year old, was convicted following a 2011 shooting that left 23 year old Rondell Moore dead and another seriously injured. [00:46:54] Speaker B: So are they going to try to find the real murderer, or is this kind of the end of it? [00:46:57] Speaker A: It's kind of the end of it. [00:46:58] Speaker B: That's bullshit. [00:47:02] Speaker A: On Tuesday, a cook county judge vacated Harris's conviction. The exoneration project. I love fucking things like this that fucking do all this. But it was like, said it was best to start over. It's like, how awesome would it be if this kid just got, like, a few million dollars? Just like, hey, sorry about that. [00:47:28] Speaker B: God, I hope so. [00:47:32] Speaker A: Sometimes if they take a plea deal, they cannot fucking claim anything. [00:47:36] Speaker B: Well, yeah, plea deals have their ups and downs. [00:47:40] Speaker A: Yeah, you never take a fucking plea deal. Tell them to fucking suck a dick. [00:47:44] Speaker B: Yeah, no, fuck that shit. [00:47:46] Speaker A: Unless the plea deal is you get nothing and you just say you're sorry. It's like, sorry for murder. I mean, allegedly murdering your son, and then you just walk away. [00:48:06] Speaker B: I love watching those podcasts where they go over exactly why you shouldn't talk to the police and stuff. [00:48:14] Speaker A: Yeah, don't know. [00:48:16] Speaker B: That's what they got Hillary no Martha Stewart on is. She lied about something while they were interviewing her. [00:48:26] Speaker A: Martha Stewart fucking did her time. She's a real, like. Like. [00:48:32] Speaker B: I don't mean if she didn't talk to the have. They had nothing on her. [00:48:39] Speaker A: But she did her time. Now she's all fucking clean, so she has my respect. This is what we need. It's just fucking. Not fucking blind people saying they saw some shit. [00:48:55] Speaker B: Well, isn't that the way it's kind of supposed to work? Like, you go to prison because you did something bad, you do your time, you get out, and then you don't do it again. That's how it's supposed to work. It's like timeouts for adults. [00:49:07] Speaker A: Yep. But you get raped in this timeout. [00:49:11] Speaker B: I'm not saying the prison system is not broke because it's broke as fuck. [00:49:15] Speaker A: But give more money. So woman steals Uber driver's car before flight in Texas for being too slow. Lady, I feel you. You are seen. I get it. I've been there. 27 year old woman in the US, Neorasha Alexandra Afrimi. I don't know. [00:49:47] Speaker B: Jesus Christ, that was dreadful to watch. You sound out, but continue like fucking. [00:49:53] Speaker A: She's a brown chick. I don't know. Maybe you have to put a little phlegm in there. Stan's accused of stealing an Uber driver's car because she deemed the airport of the journey too slow. On Sunday, December 10, when she was dissatisfied with the pace of the ride, she allegedly threw the driver's phone out of the car in frustration, seizing the opportunity. When the driver left the vehicle to retrieve his phone, she purportedly commandeered the driver's seat and drove away, leaving the Uber driver stranded. [00:50:30] Speaker B: What? [00:50:32] Speaker A: According to the police documents, she informed the driver that she intended to drop the car off at Southwest Airlines, claiming to feel kidnapped, although she did not attempt to make a call to 911. Holy shit. She driving the stolen car headed to the Austin airport where she reportedly spent $130 on various items using the Uber driver's credit card. Simultaneously, Uber driver reported the theft to the police. Oh, my God. [00:51:07] Speaker B: Subsequently, subsequently. [00:51:10] Speaker A: I hate long words like that. Officers discovered the abandoned stolen car at the airport and apprehended her as she tried to board a plane that purchased items were found in her possession. She faces charges of unauthorized, it says her name, but I'm just saying she faces charges of unauthorized use of a motor vehicle, credit card abuse, and both state jail felonies. Oh my God. Yeah, this is why you get your own fucking car, you idiot. [00:51:45] Speaker B: And she still missed her flight. [00:51:47] Speaker A: How awesome would it be if she got on her flight and just was like out of there and it's like, shit, she's in a different state now. [00:51:56] Speaker B: Crazy. [00:51:58] Speaker A: Like what would happen? [00:52:01] Speaker B: Either police departments would like, sync up, I suppose, or nothing happens. [00:52:05] Speaker A: Pretty much nothing happens. Fucking police departments don't communicate with each other. The amount of times that fucking, like, undercover officers have been shot by fucking real police, that's like, oh, fuck, you idiot. But Florida, because we always have to fucking do at least one Florida story. Florida porch pirate stole packages and plan to regift them for Christmas. Not a bad idea. [00:52:38] Speaker B: Okay, I'm giving this a solid, chaotic good. [00:52:44] Speaker A: Kinsley Mott, 32, was seen at victim's house surveillance camera walking up to the porch, taking numerous Amazon boxes and driving off in a red truck. So yeah, she stole the packages fucking during noon, you idiot. [00:53:02] Speaker B: Oh my God. [00:53:06] Speaker A: So yeah, her mug shots fucking bad. [00:53:11] Speaker B: So is she just claiming this now that she got caught or was that her actual plan? [00:53:15] Speaker A: No, I'm sure just because she got caught. [00:53:18] Speaker B: Okay. [00:53:20] Speaker A: But now to am I the asshole by answer true. Eight three, asshole. For swearing at my doctor while giving birth. [00:53:34] Speaker B: Absolutely not. [00:53:36] Speaker A: I 28 female, gave birth to my baby two weeks ago. I was in labor for close to 30 hours. [00:53:43] Speaker B: You poor thing. [00:53:45] Speaker A: And was incredibly exhausted. My doctor was great the whole way through and never had any issues with him. Towards the end, the pain was unbearable. I couldn't have an epidural due to a heart condition. I felt like I was on the verge of passing out from the pain due to an awful contradiction. I said, jesus fucking Christ. And my doctor looked at me and said, please don't use the Lord's name in vain. [00:54:11] Speaker B: What the fucking? [00:54:12] Speaker A: I responded quickly with, go fuck yourself. My doctor didn't say much for the remainder of the birth. [00:54:18] Speaker B: Oh, my fucking. [00:54:19] Speaker A: Afterwards, my husband told me maybe I should apologize. I didn't. But now, thinking back on it, maybe I should have. I feel pretty guilty, considering I'm sending an apology note to the hospital. Am I the asshole for what I said? [00:54:32] Speaker B: What the fucking fuck is wrong with her doctor? [00:54:36] Speaker A: Her doctor is a fucking retard. [00:54:38] Speaker B: Holy fucking shit. What a dick. [00:54:41] Speaker A: Say, same thing happened to Ben. So I was at the ER with my friend Ben because he was like, I need to come get me. I'm fucked up. And so I leave work to go fucking pick him up, and he's in a bad way. I take him to the ER, and we're just sitting in the room together. And then the doctor comes in, he's like. And starts berating him for swearing at a hospital. And it's like, I feel like if that's your fucking problem, you should just lose your medical license just outright right there. They should have undercover people that go in, like, same thing with fucking liquor stores. They have undercover people that go in and test them. They should have undercover people that go in and test doctors and be like, okay, you just lost your medical license. Congratulations. I'm going to need you to leave the hospital immediately, because you are. In fact, if you stay, you're operating without a medical license, and you will be arrested. [00:55:45] Speaker B: Okay? So I went in for my EMG test, where literally they shocked my hands on purpose to figure out what's wrong with them. And so before the dude started the test, he was like, I don't care if you need to cuss. Do whatever the hell you want. If it hurts, it doesn't bother me. And I was like, thank God. Because every single shock, I was like, off the table yelling, fuck. Or good God, as loud as I could because it hurts so bad. [00:56:09] Speaker A: If you're a fucking doctor that cannot handle some swears, leave the fucking practice, go home, fill a syringe full of fucking morphine, fucking right into the heart. [00:56:21] Speaker B: So there's a difference between being verbally abusive at your medical staff or expressing pain. [00:56:27] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, if you're being a dickhead to nurses, that's one thing. If you're like, fuck you, nurse. Get in here quick. Fuck you, bitch. Doing that sort of shit. Okay. Yeah, I can understand fucking coming and be like, hey, you need to not do that. But if you don't have any fucking kind of bedside manner, get the fuck out. [00:56:46] Speaker B: Especially for people. [00:56:47] Speaker A: Go become a truck driver. No one's going to swear at you when you're a truck driver except for yourself. Um, I love this fucking comment. Oh, good Lord. I mean, I cannot imagine what the worst thing any Obgyn heard during birth. I have an acquaintance who is a nurse in the NICU, and she said it's pretty common during. It's a pretty common occurrence, even for the most prudish, religious whatever of women to curse like a proverbial sailor letting loose the tapestry of vicinities, as far know, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, yes, not the asshole by a lot. Doc is. And your husband isn't far behind. [00:57:37] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, he is not. [00:57:40] Speaker A: Yeah. Be on your wife's side, dude. She has pushed a baby out after waiting 30 hours. [00:57:46] Speaker B: And you remember how fucking loud ice cream. Then I got my Christina put in and that was just like less than a minute's worth of pain. [00:57:54] Speaker A: And now for relationship advice by throw ra beancloud I 28, male don't want to have sex with my wife, 24, female anymore. My wife and I have been together for four years now. For context, she is a very petite woman. She has this constant thing where she has a childlike tendency is the best way I can describe it. I. E. Making her voice a higher pitch, talking like a small child. While I don't necessarily mind that when we were having regular conversations, she does this when we're in the middle of foreplay or just acts extremely shy. So I told her, I don't feel comfortable when you act like that when we were about to have sex because it makes me feel like I'm with an actual child and it's a complete turn off. She has still continued to do this to the point where we haven't had sex in about six weeks because I can't even look at her sexually anymore because I feel like I'm looking at a child. I really don't know what to do at this point, and I feel like our romance is dead. Am I wrong for feeling this? Should I give it another chance? Edit. She did not start acting like this until two years into the relationship after we got engaged. And it's very infrequent when she first started it. And it only began becoming a common thing about a year ago. Opie, I'm going to say this. What? [00:59:28] Speaker B: I'm so confused. [00:59:30] Speaker A: His wife talks like a child in normal conversations. And when they're about ready to fuck. [00:59:41] Speaker B: No, I'm just wondering why it started out of the blue and it was only occasional. Now it's, like, full blown. [00:59:47] Speaker A: Because she's getting more comfortable with you. Get her into therapy. Therapy? Fucking find out what the underlining issue of this is. Because I guarantee fucking to you, there's something there. I can guarantee it. You know, don't fucking throw everything away because of this. Get her help. Get her the fucking help that she needs. Do any of you have anything put on that? No. [01:00:24] Speaker B: Isn't that what I do? [01:00:26] Speaker A: No. If you acted like a child, I'd beg. Don't do that. You have every right to be turned off by that behavior. She knows exactly why. It's really upsetting. Um, you don't need to. You need to be blunt. It's absolutely fine that you feel this, but you need to tell her. Not beat around the bush. Tell her it's destroying your desire. And if she can't stop, you're simply incompatible. Apparently, he said some, like, other shit. [01:01:16] Speaker B: Details. Okay. Details are definitely needed. [01:01:26] Speaker A: Um, do. Yeah. I mean, it could be just her size. Yeah. Two years. Just two years? [01:01:52] Speaker B: Hmm. [01:01:57] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, fucking personally, I don't think men should be into the idea of fucking a child. Yeah, absolutely. [01:02:05] Speaker B: Op is 100% allowed to be how he feels like. I'm not saying op feels wrong. I'm interested by the whole situation entirely. [01:02:15] Speaker A: I mean, there is a kink out there. Like a kink fetish called bigs and littles. They say it's not a sexual thing. I'm not into it at all. It kind of gives me the ick. [01:02:32] Speaker B: And you're allowed to feel ick to whatever makes you feel ick. [01:02:35] Speaker A: But pretty much what it is, is one person will act like a child, wear fucking diapers, fucking have a binky, be an adult sized crib, whatever the fuck, and be treated like a child. And if it is what you need to get through to, if it's what you need to do to get through the trauma and kind of have a normal experience with that without the fucking trauma, that probably did happen, unfortunately, during that time, then that's what needs to happen. But, yeah. [01:03:19] Speaker B: So is that more of an emotional arousal? [01:03:26] Speaker A: I can't really speak on that particular kink. At all. [01:03:31] Speaker B: Yeah, I think I need to ask the Internet. [01:03:33] Speaker A: That would be definitely something you need to talk to more of an expert about. But just like, in my personal opinion, I feel like it's like, hey, something bad happened. During this time in my life. I want to be able to experience what that was with someone that truly loves me. [01:03:53] Speaker B: Oh, my God, this was so written by an autistic person. Continue. [01:03:58] Speaker A: But that's all I have to fucking say. Let's see if anybody else said anything. Sit down with her and be like, everywhere else doesn't bug me. But in the bedroom. We cannot. [01:04:21] Speaker B: Yeah, no, op definitely needs to have a clearer conversation. [01:04:27] Speaker A: Yeah, the baby voice. Yeah, just fucking don't do that. Don't do, like, some Harley Quinn fucking creepy shit. But that's it. Like the frog Harley Quinn from the. [01:04:51] Speaker B: Know that I could never say. [01:04:57] Speaker A: Just, you know, whatever it. Um. But yeah, that's going to be it for this episode. We will be back next week with more of the fucking awful shenanigans that we always fucking do. But from everyone here, we thank you so much for listening. And I need to fucking get more to post in comedy. So we will see you next week. Bye day. Bye.