The Worst Gold Digger

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Alrighty. All righty, everybody. Welcome back to the Human podcast. This week we got me, your intrepid host, Alex a truck. We got my wife over here. [00:00:13] Speaker B: What does intrepid mean? [00:00:15] Speaker A: Fucking don't ask me questions I don't know the answers to. [00:00:19] Speaker B: Amazon? No, Amazon. [00:00:23] Speaker A: It does not mean Amazon. But, you know, good guess. [00:00:29] Speaker B: Resolutely, fearless dauntless. Just so you know, you can also. [00:00:33] Speaker A: Ask me questions in your pods. You can't ask Amazon questions. [00:00:38] Speaker B: Oh, my God, Courtney. I do the same thing. [00:00:41] Speaker A: Yeah, this is why the fucking AI fucking revolution is going to hit. But that person over there asking fucking Lexa questions is Courtney. Thank you all for being here. And we're going to get the plugs out of the way just at the beginning. You can follow me. Instagram, Twitter, Twitch, all that dumb bullshit. Alex the truck everywhere. I'm going to start streaming horror games for the month of October. Whatever. [00:01:07] Speaker B: Spooky Month. [00:01:08] Speaker A: Spooky Month. [00:01:09] Speaker B: I got a bunch of Halloween scrubs I get to wear next month at work. [00:01:12] Speaker A: Yes. And you can also find me every Friday at Salad or Bust in Colorado Springs. Salad or bust downtown. [00:01:25] Speaker B: Not the one on Bijou or the one on Bijou. [00:01:27] Speaker A: Yeah, it's the one on Bijou. Like, shut up. I'm doing my plugs. Don't interrupt my plugs. [00:01:31] Speaker B: Sorry. [00:01:32] Speaker A: Eight East Bijou Street. And then every Sunday, I host an open mic comedy show at the Funny Pages, 506 West Colorado Avenue. There's free parking in the back. People do not understand that. You just go behind the fucking building. There's a little alley and parking. Go back there, come on in. Have a great fucking time. [00:01:53] Speaker B: The alley looks creepy, but it's okay. [00:01:56] Speaker A: It's okay. You won't get stabbed that much. You might get a fucking cheap blowjob back there. You never know. You can tell that up on stage. You can come up on stage like, dude, I was back in that back alley and I got a fucking $5 blowjob from some dude. It was great. I'm gay now. I left my wife. [00:02:13] Speaker B: I came across an old scrub top that I stopped wearing. And I grabbed it and it's hello, Kitty. And she's like, holding onto a balloon. And I'm like, why did I stop wearing it? And I put it on and it says, you blow me away. And I was like, oh, that's why I stopped wearing it. [00:02:31] Speaker A: Whatever. And then the last Saturday of every month, I host a comedy competition at Funny Pages as well. That is at whatever time it's going to be. I believe going forward, they're going to do seven to eight. So if you want to come on down, win some fucking money. We had Cassandra up on stage. She won fucking a bunch of money. So come on down. It's a great fucking time. That's all my plugs. These girls don't do anything on social media on purpose. Yeah, they don't want dick pics. If you want to send me dick pics. I'll force them to look at the dick pics. [00:03:09] Speaker B: No, I don't want my life ruled by social media. That's why I literally only have one platform. [00:03:13] Speaker A: Well, if you want them to look at your penis, I will make them do it live on the podcast. [00:03:17] Speaker B: Oh, yes. [00:03:18] Speaker A: I will insult like, these two ladies will grade your dick. Courtney, would you grade A? [00:03:26] Speaker B: Sure. [00:03:27] Speaker A: So see fucking consent right there? Like, almost. But yep. But that being said, let's just jump right in. Today was actually the first fucking comedy competition. And we did have a fucking winner that got up on stage. And it wasn't as fucking good as I wanted it to be. But that is due to the fact that there is a whole shitload of fucking comedy festivals that all happen the same fucking weekend for no good reason. Split that shit up. Do it fucking different weekends. Fucking have different people. Literally everybody from Colorado Springs, like ditched out of Colorado Springs to go do fucking comedy festivals. Oh, I'm like you fucking pieces of shit. If you say you're going to do something, do the fucking thing you said you're going to do. [00:04:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:04:22] Speaker A: Like, I had a bunch of fucking comics sign up to go fucking do it. And then they're like, we don't want to fucking do this. We want to go fucking make more money. And it's like, you understand that you're going to have to fucking drive there, pay for a fucking hotel, do all this, do all that. It's highly unlikely that they're paying for your airfare in your fucking hotel. And they might be giving you, like, $2,000, but you're spending $1,500 of it just for the travel in the hotel. [00:04:50] Speaker B: Well, it's more of getting yourself out there, though, isn't it? [00:04:54] Speaker A: I mean, I personally know fucking comedians that do really big comedy festivals. And they're not really big, but that's the whole point. [00:05:04] Speaker B: They're not yet, but they're there. [00:05:07] Speaker A: They've been doing it like 15 years. And it's fucking brutal because I watch their disparagement and they're like, yeah, dude, this fucking sucks. It's like, yeah, I fucking make enough to barely survive. And I get enough gigs throughout the year to fucking support myself. But it's like, hey, I'm making $50,000 a year fucking doing comedy. And I have to fucking be out there every fucking night doing comedy, doing some horseshit shows. [00:05:46] Speaker B: So what our future is going to be? [00:05:51] Speaker A: I'm a truck driver. First and foremost, I am a truck driver. And I do comedy on this hide. If the fucking comedy starts to get really fucking good, if I start to get booked on like, big fucking shit, I'll take time off of being a trucker and go do those fucking things. But I'll come back to being a trucker. [00:06:10] Speaker B: I don't think I could move to New York. [00:06:13] Speaker A: Why not? [00:06:14] Speaker B: It's cold there. [00:06:16] Speaker A: It's cold here. [00:06:17] Speaker B: I know, but it's worse there. And I would have to drive in it? [00:06:23] Speaker A: No. [00:06:23] Speaker B: You don't imagine me trying to drive. [00:06:25] Speaker A: There'S subways and buses and trains. [00:06:27] Speaker B: Are you going to go with me on the subways? [00:06:31] Speaker A: Maybe? [00:06:32] Speaker B: I am not going out unescorted. [00:06:35] Speaker A: All right, well, we're not moving to New York. I can tell you that right now. I will not move you to fucking New York. That's a bunch of bullshit. Like, trust me, I know fucking people from New York and I talk to them all the goddamn time and they tell me exactly what it fucking takes, know? Run a and like, I saw one of my friends run a show and they do it live, which is fucking brutal because the last one, they only had, like two people, like, viewing or like there it was empty. I'm like, oh, dude, that fucking sucks. [00:07:14] Speaker B: Yeah, now you know precisely how that feels. [00:07:18] Speaker A: Yeah, no, I've fucking ran empty shows. And yeah, that is fucking brutal. But anyone that fucking wants to come out to the Sunday show, musicians, poets, fucking people that want to juggle ventriloquists, people that want to show their tits on stage, fine, whatever. Do it. Come on, know. Be there. [00:07:43] Speaker B: I'm not going to judge. Free titties. Don't look at me like that. I want free titties. Everyone wants free titties. Courtney, you want free titties, right? I already have titties. No, do you want free titties? [00:07:55] Speaker A: If you were to go to a show that had, like, fucking tits out, like, would you go to that show? [00:07:59] Speaker B: Yeah, why not? Exactly. Everyone loves free titties. [00:08:03] Speaker A: That's one of the things I do want to fucking run, is like a fucking 21 plus topless show. [00:08:12] Speaker B: That way it's like, yeah, anything that's child free. Anything that is child free. Kids aren't, like awful, but they're kind. [00:08:24] Speaker A: Of kids fucking hamper, really? What? You can fucking throw down. [00:08:30] Speaker B: Not in a disrespectful way to be total. [00:08:35] Speaker A: I get it that you fucking well, no, their priorities change as a parent. Just don't bring your kid to a fucking titty show. And damn near every fucking parent I know because they don't want that. They don't want that smoke. [00:08:56] Speaker B: But everyone can see man titties when they're a kid. [00:08:59] Speaker A: Yeah, of course. I don't know. I don't make up with the rules. I just follow them. But yeah, if you fucking decide to have kids, that's just really what it comes down to. You lose all fun from our perspective. Yeah, I got to fucking wake up at like, 11:00 today. Fucking ask any parent the last time they woke up at 11:00 and got out of bed wherever the fuck they wanted to. No, I can stay up till fucking 04:00 a.m. Playing Call of Duty tonight and getting mad and screaming and then fucking wake up tomorrow at like, noon and get up and do a podcast, go do argue this and then fucking put it out, thank you. And then go to work for one more day and then go out and do fucking comedy and come home and do drugs. Like, name a fucking parent that's done that. None. Zero, zilch. None of them have done that. So it's awesome having no kids. And those people that have like five, six kids, more power to you do that when you're old and decrepit. You're going to have kids over around taking care of you, but not me. And that's fine. That's what I want. I want to get to the point where, oh, I can't get out of the chair. And then I fucking flipped the shotgun up into my mouth and fucking pulled the trigger. Hopefully a neighbor's here. They'll smell it soon enough. I remember in the early 2000s, there was fucking people on the internet doing fucking crazy shit. Like, there was a dude that made a suicide helmet. [00:10:51] Speaker B: What's a suicide helmet? [00:10:53] Speaker A: A suicide helmet, glad you asked, was a helmet that had like a bunch of shotgun shells that were all around, and he pressed a button and it fucking shot them all at once, like, right into his skull. [00:11:05] Speaker B: So there were guns? [00:11:07] Speaker A: No, not guns. It's a shell. [00:11:09] Speaker B: Then how were they shot? [00:11:11] Speaker A: Through the fucking shotgun shell. You don't need a whole lot if it's fucking right there. So the way a gun works is you have your barrel that fucking provides, like, the compression needed to fucking expel the bullet. It's like a little rocket. [00:11:26] Speaker B: So why is there compression without a gun? [00:11:28] Speaker A: Because it's in a shell. The shell holds the compression. [00:11:32] Speaker B: I thought the shell held black powder. [00:11:35] Speaker A: It does. And it holds the wad and holds the fucking load, and then boom. [00:11:41] Speaker B: That's what she said. [00:11:43] Speaker A: You get enough fucking force out of that shell from fucking point blank range to kill you. [00:11:49] Speaker B: So you hit them? [00:11:51] Speaker A: No, you just have to, like there's a little fucking button on the end of a bullet. On the end of a shell, there's. [00:11:57] Speaker B: A button on a bullet? [00:11:58] Speaker A: Essentially, yes. It's called a primer. [00:12:02] Speaker B: What the fuck? [00:12:03] Speaker A: Do you know those little snap caps that you throw on the ground? You throw them on the ground and go, pop? [00:12:09] Speaker B: Yes. [00:12:09] Speaker A: What's that for? That was weird. [00:12:12] Speaker B: It was just a reaction. I remembered the noise. [00:12:14] Speaker A: So you go, pop. Yeah. It's like that. [00:12:19] Speaker B: Okay. [00:12:20] Speaker A: But you have a little pen, and when you pull the trigger, that little pin goes out and boop and pops it really quick. And then essentially when the thing hits the ground, that's what happens. [00:12:32] Speaker B: Okay, that's cool. [00:12:33] Speaker A: And then it ignites all the fucking powder that's there and fucking shoots it out because that fucking force. But when you have a shotgun shell, the fucking shell will explode fucking outwards, but it'll fucking push it in enough to kill you. That's why there's a bunch of them. It's fine. It's whatever. You weren't around for those times to watch all the suicide videos and shit on the internet. Back when the internet was a Wild West. [00:13:03] Speaker B: Yeah, the Internet was a wild west. [00:13:06] Speaker A: But all that being said, the shooter of Tupac has been caught. [00:13:14] Speaker B: Tupac is still alive. [00:13:16] Speaker A: No, he is not. [00:13:19] Speaker B: Tupac is still alive. [00:13:21] Speaker A: The last living suspect in the 1996 drive by shooting of Tupac Shakur was indicted in Las Vegas on the murder charge. So dwayne Keffy d Davis so dwayne Davis has been along known to investigators as one of the four suspects identified early in the investigation. He isn't the accused gunman, but he was described as the group's ringleader by authorities Friday as a news conference in court in Nevada. You can be charged with a crime, including murder, if you help someone commit the crime. So he gave the fucking gun. He's like, hey, go fucking kill this guy. And it was carried out. So now he's fucking going to jail as being the murderer of Tupac. I know. It's so sad. [00:14:16] Speaker B: That's what I'm going to say on my deathbed. Tupac is still alive. Those will be my last words. [00:14:20] Speaker A: He will not be alive by then. He's dead. He's way dead. [00:14:24] Speaker B: No, he's not. [00:14:25] Speaker A: He didn't have enough money to fucking hold on this long. Like, people are like, oh, yeah, no, he's still alive. It's like, no, even if he was, he wouldn't have that much money because he can't do any shows. Can't do anything. It'd be like after the fucking music, like every fucking thing. After they done doing music, after they're done doing shows. [00:14:48] Speaker B: Tupac is like the Nessie monster. Okay? The Loch Ness monster. [00:14:52] Speaker A: Go fucking believe whatever you want. [00:14:54] Speaker B: Exactly. I can't believe whatever the fuck you know. [00:14:58] Speaker A: Here is some good news. Toys R US planning a comeback with brick and mortar locations. [00:15:05] Speaker B: What's? Brick and mortar? [00:15:06] Speaker A: Like a fucking building, okay? So you can go online to Toys R US.com right now and order toys. [00:15:13] Speaker B: Wait a minute. Read the title. [00:15:14] Speaker A: Toys R US is planning a brick and mortar comeback in the United States with up to 24 new flagship stores. [00:15:22] Speaker B: So does that mean Toys R US is, like, worldwide store? Like, it's more in other countries and now it's coming back to the US. [00:15:28] Speaker A: No, it closed. All of them. Everything was closed. Toys R US was dead. [00:15:34] Speaker B: Okay? So Toys R US did not exist outside. [00:15:37] Speaker A: I'm sure it did, but they killed all the stores. Okay? It was a worldwide store. Okay? [00:15:43] Speaker B: Okay. [00:15:43] Speaker A: They killed all the stores. They shut them all down. They hit bankruptcy because kids didn't want fucking toys. [00:15:49] Speaker B: That's because they were too expensive, and they were marketing to the lower working class, okay? [00:15:53] Speaker A: So now Toys R US is coming back. Do you get me? Do you follow? [00:15:59] Speaker B: I just didn't know Toys R US stores were outside the US. So continue. I'm very happy with my new knowledge. [00:16:06] Speaker A: They aren't. There's no Toys R US. It doesn't exist. Zero toys R US exists on the planet. It is all an online fucking retail store. It is 100% online. So if you go to Toys R US, you can fucking buy all the fucking toys and they'll ship them to your house because they do have warehouses, but now they're bringing back brick and mortars. [00:16:29] Speaker B: That'd be hilarious if Toys R US was secretly owned by Amazon, maybe. [00:16:34] Speaker A: I don't know. The parent company, WHP Global announced plans to open as many as 24 new stores that's cool, though. [00:16:44] Speaker B: And more jobs. [00:16:49] Speaker A: Yeah. The toy company previously opened a flagship store at American Dream Mall in New Jersey in 2021, making its return to malls. So, yeah, there is a fucking store, but it's in a fucking mall, so it doesn't really count as its own fucking brick and mortar. [00:17:04] Speaker B: Wait. Aren't Toys R US always in malls? [00:17:07] Speaker A: No, they've always been their own building. [00:17:09] Speaker B: What? Yeah. What? [00:17:12] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:17:12] Speaker B: Although I've never been to a toy. I don't remember going to a Toys R US. I just assumed it was like remember. [00:17:17] Speaker A: That toy story we went to at the mall the other day? [00:17:19] Speaker B: Yeah. I thought it was exactly like that. [00:17:21] Speaker A: Exactly like that. [00:17:22] Speaker B: So they had their own stores? Like, they weren't always in malls. [00:17:24] Speaker A: Yeah, they had giant, huge like, imagine a costco of toys. That's what Toys R US was. [00:17:32] Speaker B: That sounds amazing. [00:17:34] Speaker A: Yeah, it was fucking dope. They had anything you could imagine. Video games, fucking toys, bouncy balls, trampolines, fucking any sport you can watch. Fucking skateboards, bikes, whatever the fuck you want. [00:17:47] Speaker B: Oh, my God, this is old. [00:17:49] Speaker A: Can we go when it opens? And if it opens in our state, there's only 24 open. There's 50 stores. [00:17:55] Speaker B: You want to go? [00:17:56] Speaker A: It sounds so cool right now. It's in New Jersey, so we're not going. [00:17:59] Speaker B: Well, that's too far. [00:18:01] Speaker A: I like the fucking breaking news. Like the fucking government has 45 days to keep the government out. Shut up, losers. [00:18:08] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:18:09] Speaker A: But good news for California as well. New California law raises minimum wage for fast food workers up to $20 per hour, among nation's highest. So good job, gavin newsom. Gavin newsom. So, yeah, fucking all these fast food workers are going to be now making $20 an hour, and then they're going to be immediately fucking fired. [00:18:34] Speaker B: So I have two statements here. A, just increasing the working class's wage is not going to solve the problem of our continuous fucking regression. Like, we've never fucking recovered from the Dust Bowl type thingy. This does not solve problems. And because it doesn't solve problems, this is treating a symptom. And so when you treat a symptom, other symptoms become more prevalent. So by raising the wages of these people, food prices will go up and the actual disparity of income will not have changed. This is good, but it fixes nothing in the long run. Economies are fucking weird. [00:19:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:27] Speaker B: She'S just not a good cast kitty. [00:19:29] Speaker A: Terrible gas kitty today. And also Diane Feinstein fucking died. Who cares? But yeah, get rid of this fucking $20 an hour. Who cares? Or give them to them, but make it to where every fast food restaurant cannot be understaffed. How about that? Make it to where there's not one fucking person making $20 an hour and people are screaming at them. There's so much a person can fucking take. [00:19:57] Speaker B: The problem needs to be approached from so many angles of just trying to come from one. [00:20:02] Speaker A: How about this? You regulate fucking fast food restaurants, and it's like, hey, you have to be fucking at least have four people on fucking shift at all fucking times making $20 an hour. [00:20:13] Speaker B: You know what freaks me out? [00:20:15] Speaker A: What? [00:20:15] Speaker B: When you're shopping at Safeway and there's like, the self checkout and there's like eight of them, but there's only one lane open and I want to go through the fucking lanes. I hate the self checkout, but there's only ever one. The line is so long, and it's like technology is not improving every single person's life. I want someone to check my food out for me so I don't have to touch it, so I don't have. [00:20:37] Speaker A: To know what fucking vegetables I fucking picked up. [00:20:40] Speaker B: And I'm so bad at loading my own bags. Like, almost every time someone's like, Ma'am, please let me help. And I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm stupid. [00:20:48] Speaker A: Yeah, whatever. [00:20:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:53] Speaker A: More fucking good news or bad news? Whoever you voted for, california government signs law raising taxes on guns and ammunitions to pay for school safety. [00:21:05] Speaker B: Okay, I've seen the title, and I'm like the title, but I want more details before I make a decision. [00:21:10] Speaker A: So Gavin Nuisance, pretty much California will ban people from carrying firearms in most public places while doubling the taxes on guns and ammunitions sold in the state under two new laws. [00:21:22] Speaker B: So how much are the taxes currently? [00:21:25] Speaker A: The federal government already taxes the sales of guns and ammunition either ten or 11% on the type of gun. [00:21:31] Speaker B: Is that a lot? [00:21:33] Speaker A: Yes. The law fucking adds another 11% tax on top of that. So a 22% tax. Imagine you're buying a $200 gun, and then on top of that, or a $2,000 gun and on top of that, you have to pay fucking 22%, like 400 fucking dollars on tax. Fuck that. Leave the fucking state. Go buy your gun somewhere else. Go fucking get what you call it. [00:22:03] Speaker B: If you make it harder for people who have a lot of money to not be able to buy guns and only rich people can buy guns, that's not a good situation. [00:22:12] Speaker A: Well, here's the thing. You can fucking leave the fucking state. You can come over to a state where they're like, oh, yeah, have a gun real quick, and then you can fucking just take it back. You've bought the gun legally. [00:22:23] Speaker B: How do you get a gun over California borders? [00:22:26] Speaker A: You just drive it on over. They don't stop you. [00:22:30] Speaker B: I thought you had to be stopped by the agricultural peeps. [00:22:33] Speaker A: Yeah, they're not looking for enough, you know, they can't know search you all the way through and if you have a gun in your fucking glove box or you have a closed case, they can't fucking look at it without a warrant. You can have a fucking gun case. And if they fucking waste your time. [00:22:53] Speaker B: Wait, I thought agricultural they don't need warrants. Like they have like a separate set of rules for searching. [00:22:58] Speaker A: No, they can only fucking look for agricultural shit and if they cannot find it, they can't be like, hey, let me look through all this shit. And if they fucking waste your time, guess what? They're getting fucking sued. And it's like, oh, have fun getting a lawsuit. [00:23:12] Speaker B: I saw this video of this dude who was like a constitutionalist and he was trying to argue against the agricultural people and he kept defining the actual words of being held under, as long. [00:23:24] Speaker A: As you're not a fucking dick. I've fucking driven into California a grip of fucking times. They don't have the agricultural fucking thing at every fucking entrance to California. So there's ways around it and then bada bing, bada boom, you're in fucking California around that they're fucking looking know big old semi trucks that know, carrying in fucking like dirt and shit that have fucking insects that could know all of California. [00:23:50] Speaker B: Yeah, I know how that works. [00:23:53] Speaker A: Just like France over here. France now has bug bedbugs. No one is safe. France vows action as bug bedbugs sweep. [00:24:06] Speaker B: Paris. When did we go from viruses to no? No. [00:24:14] Speaker A: The French government vowed its action to reassure and protect the public as the capital, Paris reports a widespread rise in bedbugs. French transportation minister Clement Binyau said Friday he would bring together transportation operators next week to undertake further action, reinsure and protect the public from the reported surge in the number of blood sucking insects. [00:24:37] Speaker B: Courtney, it's like when we pulled that bed out of the fucking garage and I got like bug bites like three days in a row. Yeah, actually I figured out what that oh, what was it? I think it was mosquitoes. No, Courtney, I've had mosquito bites and I know what I react. No, no, I guess there was a new type of species in and like they're different and they can actually bite you through. Okay. Cause like I'd never had mosquito bites turn into a scab the way they did, so I assumed they weren't mosquitoes. Thank you for enlightening me. Yeah, no, I found a few in the house after I was like, because it wasn't bedbugs, there was no fleas. There was nothing that I could think of that could do it. And then I found one or two in the house because I was looking and they were like I couldn't see them. Yeah, but I guarantee you there were not fleas. Courtney, if there were fleas, I would have let you know immediately. Yeah, exactly. I despise fleas. But you have capstar back in California, so it's a lot easier. I know, right? You don't have it out there? No. [00:26:00] Speaker A: What's capstar? [00:26:01] Speaker B: So capstar is a medication you give to an animal, and within 2 hours, it will have killed every fucking flea that's physically on the outside by 80%. Within 24 hours, every single fucking flea will be dead. And what we did when I'm back in California, we'd bring a dog in, infested fleas, give it to pill, it sits in a cage like it boards with us overnight. And all the fleas just slowly die and turn into dirt and piles of dead fleas on the bottom of the cage. You had to go in and clean it afterwards. And it was fucking foul, but it did its fucking job. But then there were clients who'd be like, oh, I want to take my dog home. And be like, no, you don't want to take your dog home. They'd be like, no, I'm taking my dog home. They call the next day freaking the fuck out because now there's a bunch of dead fleas in their house. And it's like, we warned you. Yeah, fucking warned you. [00:26:51] Speaker A: What you do is you just make them sign a piece of paper saying. [00:26:53] Speaker B: Oh, no, they had to sign being no, they have to sign that shit. Okay? So whenever you walk into a vet clinic, you will always be asked to sign a form of some kind. And we call it like, just confirming client information. But literally, you are signing consent to us a, treating your animal, and b, that you will not sue us afterwards for a specific set of reasons that we cannot protect ourselves against, and c, if you take your animal away, what happens afterwards is under your own legal responsibility. Because we have been fucked over so many times, we have to do this kind of shit. [00:27:21] Speaker A: What you do is just kill people. It's fine. Just go kill them. Take their animal. [00:27:26] Speaker B: If the animal needs an expensive surgery, killing the owner doesn't give the money to save the pet. [00:27:31] Speaker A: Well, what you do is you sell their organs. Boom, fucking you're up a couple, please. [00:27:39] Speaker B: Get pet insurance, please, whatever. [00:27:44] Speaker A: But on to the next story. I was actually supposed to be in Vegas this weekend. Didn't do it because of fucking a bunch of bullshit that's going on in Vegas. [00:27:56] Speaker B: Aren't you happy you missed all that? [00:27:57] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. No, I've fucking been watching the fucking Facebook feeds of the people that went to the skank fest of people that went to skank fest. And people are complaining up a storm like, man, I fucking have to stand in line. Oh, my god. Fucking people are in line, like hours ahead of time. It's like, yeah, duh. Now you're fucking one of the people that know. I've been there before. I've done it for years. I've done it and I just decided not to do it this year because I'm like, I don't want to fucking deal with all that fucking smoke. And so I done it and I'm fucking better off for it. But another thing that's fucking happening, aside from the hacks and the fucking construction, is culinary and bartenders unions in Las Vegas vote to authorize a strike. [00:28:49] Speaker B: I want details. [00:28:52] Speaker A: So the Culinary Workers Union, union local two two six I'm bartartener's, union local 165 voted Tuesday to authorize a strike they set on a post on X, formerly known as Twitter. [00:29:06] Speaker B: Oh, my god, we need that. Still. [00:29:08] Speaker A: Members voted 95% in favor to strike. [00:29:13] Speaker B: To strike authorization in favor of a. [00:29:16] Speaker A: Strike authorization in Las Vegas. The union said. The union leadership was now authorized to call a strike, but negotiations with several hotels will continue next week. The two unions represented about 60,000 workers in Las Vegas Reno, and 53,000 workers who are eligible to vote in Tuesday's strike authorization released from the union said approximately 40,000 members are working under expired contracts that ended earlier this month. [00:29:43] Speaker B: Oh, shit. [00:29:45] Speaker A: Reno is not involved in the strike authorization vote. Unions are asking for better pay, a reduced workload in quotas, and provisions of safety protections, among other things. [00:29:57] Speaker B: Oh, that's fucked. [00:29:59] Speaker A: So, yeah, it could fucking really go the fuck down in Vegas with 60,000 fucking people over there. Just like, yeah, go fuck yourself. [00:30:09] Speaker B: Thank God for unions. [00:30:12] Speaker A: I mean, unions can be shitty and unions can be great. [00:30:15] Speaker B: This is great. [00:30:17] Speaker A: Yeah, this is a good thing. [00:30:19] Speaker B: I saw this whole post talking about, like, when you read about strikes and how they're villainized, like, you got to wonder wait, who's villainizing who? Because companies who talk shit about strikes are typically companies who own that newsletter. [00:30:34] Speaker A: Well, also, talking about X or Twitter EU, the European Union warns Elon Musk that after Twitter found to have the highest rate of disinformation, musk is told his platform, now known as X, must comply with new laws designed to combat fake news and Russian propaganda. [00:30:56] Speaker B: Oh, shit. [00:30:58] Speaker A: So the EU has issued a warning to Elon Musk to comply with a sweeping new laws and fake news and Russian propaganda. After X was found to have the highest ratio of disinformation posts of all time, the report analyzed a ratio of disinformation from a new report laying bare for the first time the scale of fake news on social. Yeah, duh. Here's the thing, guys. If you're on the Internet, a bunch of the shit you're going to see is going to be fake. Okay? [00:31:26] Speaker B: But a lot of people don't understand. [00:31:27] Speaker A: That tough, that's shitty for you. If you're that fucking dumb to not understand that fucking the Internet is a bunch of fake news and trolls, then honestly, you deserve to be deceived. [00:31:40] Speaker B: So I saw this documentary talking about how TikTok stars and stuff in China. They're supported by the government because their TikToks and other social media helps hide the genocide. That's going on there right now. They're using these people as a cover for their own acts. [00:31:57] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. No, it's fucking wild. They have entire fucking areas that are just for fucking streaming. So they have like a green screen behind them. And it's like a fucking call center, but just for streamers and fucking people creating content. [00:32:12] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:13] Speaker A: And it's like, oh, wow. Yeah, they're fucking just doing all this fucking dumb I don't care. Fucking let China do a bunch of fucking crazy shit and then fuck around and find out. Let the fucking people rise up and fucking kill the Chinese government. How awesome would that fucking be? Just do it. [00:32:31] Speaker B: I think it's so cool that the EU had this kind of influence. Like, this is legit respect. [00:32:37] Speaker A: I doubt he's going to fucking apply. I bet he's of course not. [00:32:39] Speaker B: He's elon musk. [00:32:40] Speaker A: I bet he's going to be like, hey, here's the thing. I'll either fucking just revoke your access to it and say you can't have it at all. And then the entire European Union is now pissed off at you. They don't get to have Twitter or you're just going to be like, yeah, they have fucking fake information. But honestly, here's the thing. When you go on Twitter and you see an article and it kind of has like whatever fucking bullshit, it has a fucking fact checker underneath it. And if you don't fucking look at that fact checker, well then tough shit. [00:33:13] Speaker B: But fact checker is also made by X, right? [00:33:16] Speaker A: No. [00:33:17] Speaker B: Then who is it made by? [00:33:18] Speaker A: Like, snoops or whatever. [00:33:20] Speaker B: What are snoops? [00:33:21] Speaker A: Snoops is like a fucking fact checking website. [00:33:24] Speaker B: Oh. [00:33:25] Speaker A: So you can type in whatever you want on Snoops. And is fucking the moon made of cheese? I'm like, no, it's not made of cheese. And you're like, oh, okay. [00:33:36] Speaker B: Well, you have to be smart enough to be able to question stuff. [00:33:39] Speaker A: But here's the thing. Fucking during COVID a lot of that shit was like, this is all fake news. And it came out that it was actually real. And people are like, they shut the fuck up really goddamn quick. Because people were like, the vaccine is not that effective. And so they'd like, put out a fucking news story. Vaccine is 100% effective. Vaccines, 98% of. And it kept on going down to like 47% effective. And there's a fucking video that shows this. Like all these fucking news stories. And when people in the beginning were like, the vaccine's not know. People are like, that's fake news. Get that bullshit out of here. And it's like, yeah, maybe know, just give me all the fucking news and I'll determine what's real and what's not real. Like, give me the fucking chance to do that. Don't you fucking sit there and be like, hey, we're the EU. And that's fake news. Because what if they're reporting on what you're doing as a European Union? [00:34:42] Speaker B: European Union's? Fucking cool. [00:34:44] Speaker A: No, they're not. [00:34:46] Speaker B: I think they're cool. [00:34:47] Speaker A: They're a bunch of fucking assholes. [00:34:49] Speaker B: Except only essential. [00:34:55] Speaker A: Like this story, I don't even know if it's real. Whatever. It's some bullshit, but woman charged in fatal McAllen crash, sentenced to 120 days in jail an Edinburgh woman who pleaded guilty to a charge of intoxicated manslaughter was sentenced Friday to 120 days in jail and ten years on probation. Angela Mia Villarreal was arrested following a May 2022 crash where she rear ended a vehicle and killed a 62 year old dude. He was already fucking dead. Who cares? Yeah, she was driving 111 miles an hour at the time of the crash, and her blood alcohol levels were more than twice the legal limit. And she gets 120 days in jail for killing a dude, fucking drunk driving and all that kind of shit. [00:35:57] Speaker B: So what was she charged with? Because that explains her sentence. [00:36:07] Speaker A: Like, was it negligence or was it intoxication manslaughter? [00:36:13] Speaker B: Okay, that's a form of negligence. Continue. [00:36:15] Speaker A: That's it. 120 days in jail and ten years of probation. Okay, yeah, she rear ended a dude, fucking killed him, fucking driving 111 miles an hour and fucking having twice the legal limit of alcohol in her system. [00:36:29] Speaker B: Vehicular manslaughter. [00:36:30] Speaker A: Yeah. And she should have gotten like, 20 years, not 120 days, but whatever. [00:36:40] Speaker B: This is here in the US, right? Yes, it's because our prisons are overcrowded. [00:36:46] Speaker A: But here's the thing. She gets ten years of fucking probation, then she's off. This entire fucking story could just be made up. Like, they could just be making up whatever fucking story and people getting mad at it. [00:37:00] Speaker B: But you accepted this? Until I started poking holes, no. Yes. [00:37:06] Speaker A: This is the fucking story that I said that I fucking pulled up as fake fucking news, literally fucking right after the Elon Musk fucking fake news thing. This is the fucking story I pulled up to fucking go with that. This is why this was right after. Did you notice that? [00:37:27] Speaker B: No, I did not. [00:37:28] Speaker A: I apologize, but there's fucking video footage. But I don't give a shit. This could be fake. There could be other fucking bullshit that's going on that's not in this fucking story. The other dude could fucking be trying to race her or some other fucking bullshit or something stupid, and he got himself fucking killed. And so she had to fucking spend some time in jail. And I'm sure that fucking DUI is going to fucking come and fuck her too. But she's getting charged for the 120 days for this crime. [00:38:07] Speaker B: Oh, my God. This is why we need to bring back capital punishment. It'll end our problem with overcraft over whatever populated prisons, but also, I would hope it would eliminate prisons for profit, but I'm not quite sure if it would. [00:38:23] Speaker A: But here's another fucking story. It's been substantiated. Alan Cooley, 31, was acquitted of aggravated malicious wounding in the shooting of Tanner Cook, 21, who runs the classified goons YouTube channel. The jury was split on the lesser firearms count and decided to convict him on one and acquitt him on the other. So apparently fucking Tanner Cook was scaring this dude, doing, like some prank fucking bullshit. And he's like, you know what? Go fuck yourself and just pull out a gun and shot him. [00:38:59] Speaker B: Can you scroll up a little bit again? [00:39:01] Speaker A: What malicious? Yeah. What? [00:39:05] Speaker B: Okay, I'm looking up the definition of aggregated malicious wounding. Because these are, like, code words. [00:39:12] Speaker A: That means she did it on purpose. That means if someone fucking shoots a deer, that's always in their backyard. That's malicious shooting. Aggravated malicious shooting. [00:39:22] Speaker B: Okay. No, I figured that out in lawyers carts. It's like fucking algebra. Like certain words mean certain symbols. And when you put the symbols all together, you get an equals, which is the sentence, like it's fucking cool. [00:39:38] Speaker A: I feel like I'd make a tanner came up to this dude fucking holding a cell phone about six inches from his face and fucking doing some dumb fucking bullshit. And he fucking shot him three times. It's like, yeah, no, stop this fucking dumb prank fucking bullshit on YouTube. I'm sick of this. I don't fucking like it. It's not fucking funny. You're not a good fucking YouTuber because you do prank content. Shut the fuck up. Stop doing it. Make it illegal. Make it to where? There's this one kid in the UK. And he fucking just walks into people's houses. [00:40:21] Speaker B: Yeah, that one was so stupid. [00:40:23] Speaker A: He's like, oh, what are you going to fucking do about it? And it's like, dude, if you did that in America, you'd fucking disappear. You'd walk into someone's house. [00:40:31] Speaker B: He'd walk into the wrong house and he'd be shot in the face. [00:40:34] Speaker A: No, like, they'd fucking just know. Take him and fucking you would shoot him in the mean if he walked into my house and tried to steal something, maybe. But it's like I'd know. Take my belt, choke him out, and then fucking drop him in the basement. [00:40:47] Speaker B: You don't wear belts anymore. [00:40:48] Speaker A: You wear I have a fucking belt around, though. [00:40:51] Speaker B: Do you know where it is? [00:40:52] Speaker A: Yes. [00:40:53] Speaker B: Where is it? Because I put all of them away. [00:40:55] Speaker A: You didn't. One's on the fucking cat tree underneath the microwave. [00:40:59] Speaker B: There's a cat tree next to the microwave? [00:41:01] Speaker A: There is? Right underneath it. [00:41:02] Speaker B: No, that's the long strappy one, right? [00:41:04] Speaker A: Yes. [00:41:04] Speaker B: Yeah. No, I put that away. [00:41:06] Speaker A: Why would don't touch my shit. This is the problem with being married is they fucking go over here and touch all your shit. [00:41:14] Speaker B: Yeah, I put it away. [00:41:15] Speaker A: Don't do that. [00:41:16] Speaker B: I put it away. [00:41:18] Speaker A: Now. How am I supposed to fucking murder people that walk into their house? [00:41:22] Speaker B: I thought you had guns all over the house. Do you not? [00:41:24] Speaker A: I do, but it's like do you want me to shoot him? No, I want to fucking make sure that he disappears. And I have no idea what happened. Officer but if I shoot him in the fucking face now, it's know he said, she said type shit. [00:41:37] Speaker B: Is peroxide as good as removing blood from the carpet as it is from flesh? [00:41:42] Speaker A: No, it makes everything orange. [00:41:44] Speaker B: Okay? So we'd have to follow it up with Borax. [00:41:49] Speaker A: You take him, drop him in the fucking basement. Time the fuck, okay? [00:41:55] Speaker B: I'm not interested until after he's dead and I get to play with his body. [00:41:58] Speaker A: Oh, my God. Whatever. This is a fucking heat. Whatever, dumb bullshit. God damn it. It's a Tupac Shakur story. But here's some more good news. Thwarted diabolical plan. Man arrested minutes before mass shooting in Northern Virginia church. So they fucking finally did one good. [00:42:24] Speaker B: Jesus Christ. It's about time. [00:42:26] Speaker A: Ru Jang, 35 years old, was taken into custody with a loaded gun and extra ammunition at Park Valley Church and Haymarket. Authorities said he was on a mission to kill this was a thwarted Diabolical plot to kill churchgoers in Haymarket, Virginia, and local law enforcement stopped it. Good fucking job, guys. I am proud of you. But you could have just shot him to death and no one would have fucking said boo. [00:42:54] Speaker B: Why am I now irritated that his attempt this was thwarted? Why am I suddenly irritated by this? I don't understand why I'm annoyed that they were Asian. [00:43:03] Speaker A: Fucking mass murder. Like an attempted Asian mass. Like, I'm sure he's going to be in jail. His mom and dad are going to show up dishonor. [00:43:13] Speaker B: Okay, no, I'm assuming he's a first generation American, not Asian. Like he's us. Citizenship. [00:43:20] Speaker A: Who cares? He has a fucking very Asiany name. [00:43:26] Speaker B: What does that mean? [00:43:28] Speaker A: Fucking every fucking Asian dude I know. That is, like, first generation has, like, a fucking normal American name. [00:43:38] Speaker B: Yeah. And isn't that sad? [00:43:41] Speaker A: No, that's amazing. That's fucking a great sacrifice on the fucking backs of those parents to fucking kill. Kind of like a bit of their culture to make sure that their kid has a successful future here in this country. Because they understand what's going on. [00:44:00] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:44:00] Speaker A: They understand that if your name is, you know, people aren't going to be able to pronounce that, and they instead name you Jim. [00:44:09] Speaker B: No, they do it to avoid their child being ostracized. If you can get past exactly what. [00:44:15] Speaker A: The fuck I just said I know. [00:44:17] Speaker B: I'm agreeing with you. I'm agreeing with you. [00:44:22] Speaker A: But, yeah, the congregation was about to make the way in the church and minutes or seconds away. And, yeah, someone saw Troubling posts on Instagram and called the police. [00:44:33] Speaker B: Fantastic. Well done. [00:44:35] Speaker A: So good job. You did a fucking good thing, and you stopped a fucking potential giant fucking evil thing. [00:44:43] Speaker B: And yet now I'm irritated. [00:44:45] Speaker A: Well, here, don't be irritated anymore. All liquor stores are closed in Philadelphia after multiple stores are looted overnight. [00:44:52] Speaker B: How much was stolen? I want price cash. [00:44:57] Speaker A: They fucking probably don't know yet. All liquor stores in Philly were fucking closed wednesday after several locations were looted. Shortly after the conclusion of peaceful protests against the judge's decision to dismiss all charges against a former Philadelphia officer in a fatal traffic. Stop shooting. [00:45:15] Speaker B: Jesus fucking Christ. This isn't doing all the hard work they just did. [00:45:21] Speaker A: Yeah. 18 stores were looted overnight. No employees were injured. Some were understandably shaken. [00:45:32] Speaker B: We can never have will peace. [00:45:36] Speaker A: How about this? Just stop fucking being that ghetto fucking piece of shit. Just be like, yes, that's what fucking happened. And write to your fucking senator. Fucking get into fucking the legislation. Fucking part of yourself. Stop fucking boo for me. It's like, fucking do it. Be your own fucking person. Be the change you want to see in the world. So, yeah, 18 fucking stores got closed, and guess what? Now no one gets alcohol. [00:46:08] Speaker B: Exactly. One fucking idiot ruins it for everybody else. [00:46:13] Speaker A: Well, I mean, it's mob mentality. It's like, let's break into these liquor stores. And it's like, how about this? Go fucking break into the courthouse. Go fucking break into the fucking judge's house. Go fucking fuck with them instead of fucking with individual business owners. Because now no one wants to fucking have a business in your area. No one wants to have a liquor store in your area because you guys are a fucking bunch of rap scallions over here fucking up all the good shit you have. Now you're like, why is my area so shitty? It's because no one wants to fucking put good shit there because you're going to fucking ruin it. [00:46:47] Speaker B: Like, I understand your tribe my tribe, but I cannot respect it. I just cannot. What's your tribe? My tribe. So your tribe is someone who has two circles. He has got an inner circle where people who are close to him are or a group, and then there's an outer circle where everyone who is not close and is therefore deemed enemy. Like, if you are against my inner circle, then if you're in the outer circle, you're against the inner circle. It's a very simplistic way of explaining that. [00:47:27] Speaker A: Well, let's keep it rolling. [00:47:32] Speaker B: Yep. [00:47:33] Speaker A: So Florida story, and thank God, Florida this know scraggly ass. [00:47:42] Speaker B: He looks like the dog dude from the water fountains. [00:47:45] Speaker A: Yo, dog good. [00:47:51] Speaker B: I love it when I can recognize faces. [00:47:53] Speaker A: Over in Gainesville, Florida. A heist at an urgent care clinic in Gainesville, Florida resulted in the comedy of errors after Shakespeare after a man repelled from the ceiling wielding a butcher knife just before 07:00 a.m on Thursday, Gainesville Police Department said a man later identified as Ted Styman, 36, pride open event on the roof at the care spot on Southwest Archer Road. He repelled down to a beam and then tried to climb down a decorative piece of plastic that fell from the roof. Simon fell about 15ft, bringing ceiling tiles down with him. Inside the urgent care, he ripped multiple locked cabinet doors off the hinges, hammered the lock off a storage room door and caused other damages estimating about $10,000. [00:48:47] Speaker B: Oh, shit. That's not funny. No more. [00:48:49] Speaker A: An employee of the business walked in the back door and saw Simon with a wheelchair loaded up with items, attempting to leave. He was holding a butcher knife in one hand and a laptop in the other. [00:49:00] Speaker B: What's the laptop going to do? [00:49:02] Speaker A: When the employee confronted him, he put the knife down, abandoned the wheelchair and ran off. He was only able to steal a set of keys and $192 in petty cash from the tow. [00:49:13] Speaker B: Praise the Lord. [00:49:14] Speaker A: Just a few minutes later, officers spotted who was matching the description given by the employee near an abandoned building on Archer Road. Now he's wearing a cast on his wrist and using a cane to walk. According to the rest report, steinman tried to give officers a fake name, claiming to have a Twin. He was found with the stolen items and taken into custody. Custody? He claims his injuries were due to being beaten up, but the officers suspect they were caused by a fall inside the urgent care. [00:49:44] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:49:46] Speaker A: He was booked in the Twin. He was booked in the county jail on charges of armed burglary, larceny property damage, and giving a false name to law enforcement. I feel bad for this dude. [00:50:02] Speaker B: I don't see this is why we're going to retire in Florida. So when I die and you go on your John Wick or whatever fuck his name is Mission, it's going to be you and it'll be perfectly fine because it'll be in Florida. This is why we're retiring in Florida, so you can have your John Wick moment, but with alligators. [00:50:23] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm probably going to slip on a banana peel and it's going to. [00:50:25] Speaker B: Be fucking comedy of air and like the fan flat. [00:50:28] Speaker A: I just need to get you like a fucking place to put your feet. [00:50:31] Speaker B: Why? [00:50:32] Speaker A: I have you because it's very annoying. [00:50:34] Speaker B: Tough titties. You have responsibilities. [00:50:37] Speaker A: I don't. [00:50:38] Speaker B: As a husband. [00:50:39] Speaker A: Stop. I have responsibilities to this podcast. Get your fucking dirty feet off me. [00:50:44] Speaker B: My feet are clean. [00:50:44] Speaker A: Get off me. [00:50:45] Speaker B: No. I licked them clean earlier. [00:50:46] Speaker A: You licked them clean because I'm a cat. That's weird. EW. Now onto am I the asshole? [00:50:54] Speaker B: Is it weird when I lick your dick? [00:50:56] Speaker A: Yes. [00:50:58] Speaker B: Get these off me. [00:51:03] Speaker A: By unlikely salary 409. Am I the asshole for laughing when my son came home from meeting his girlfriend's parents because he chose to behave like he does at home? [00:51:15] Speaker B: No. [00:51:17] Speaker A: So let's get into the story. My son burps a lot while eating. I've tried telling him multiple times that it is rude. I've told him to slow down so he doesn't swallow air with his food. I told him it is disgusting. His wife will my wife. My wife will instantly jump in to defend him. She says it is just the way he is and it's not his fault. [00:51:39] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:51:40] Speaker A: The thing is he can control himself when I remind him he just chooses not to. [00:51:45] Speaker B: Teenagers. [00:51:46] Speaker A: He went on a date with his girlfriend last night and she tore him a new asshole. Yes, it was his first time meeting her parents since they live in another city. [00:51:55] Speaker B: Oh my God. Yes. [00:51:56] Speaker A: They went out to a fancy restaurant and he burped all the way through supper. He came home almost in tears from her chewing him out for behaving like a jackass in front of her family. [00:52:07] Speaker B: You go, girl. [00:52:09] Speaker A: I heard him telling my wife about it and I laughed. She asked what was so funny. I reminded them both I had tried dozens, if not hundreds of times to teach him table manners. And he rejected them. And she protected him. And now that he is a grown man and he had to learn the hard way, they both think she overreacted and I'm the asshole for being amused by his experience. [00:52:33] Speaker B: Oh my God. Do stupid shit win stupid prizes? And also I want to know how old Op's son is. [00:52:40] Speaker A: Let's see if it says it in the fucking how old is 22? [00:52:45] Speaker B: That's even better. I thought this was like a 1516 year old. No, this is very how about this? [00:52:55] Speaker A: My wife fucking knows who I am and I'll fucking burp through dinner. I don't care. [00:53:00] Speaker B: I get mad when you belch better than I can, but I always make it up with my farts. [00:53:05] Speaker A: Yeah, it was fucking nasty fart this morning. [00:53:06] Speaker B: Oh my God. It was so good you left the room. It was so good. Oh my God. I have IBS. I might as well weaponize it. [00:53:18] Speaker A: Yeah, fucking Al Qaeda was like that's us. But now onto relationship advice by Throw RA, 77245, my 32 male boyfriend accused me, 24, female, of being a gold digger gruber. He has no gold. I live with my boyfriend. We are poor. We live in a box flat with a bathroom so small I can't take a shit. I can take a shit, wash my hands and have a shower all at the same time. Is this a fucking RV? I work two jobs to keep us afloat. I'm a bartender at a strip club. Girl. [00:54:03] Speaker B: Fucking how are you not making money? [00:54:05] Speaker A: Be the stripper. [00:54:07] Speaker B: Fair enough. [00:54:08] Speaker A: And a hairdresser by day. He is an Uber driver that works flexible hours. But I would say he only works 3 hours and spends the rest of the time investing in crypto. Girl, I do not mind being the breadwinner. [00:54:23] Speaker B: You're the people pleaser. [00:54:26] Speaker A: But that is what I am. I'm the breadwinner. Hands down. Anytime I ask him to pick up more chefs, he say he will and never does. And it's caused no, it doesn't say caused. [00:54:40] Speaker B: It's because it's the wrong word and. [00:54:41] Speaker A: It'S coursed arguments recently. Our landlord has increased our rent recently and I've asked for his financial help for our flat. But he says he put his money into investments that the government can't touch. [00:54:59] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:55:00] Speaker A: And by that, he means his crypto scheme. [00:55:02] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:55:03] Speaker A: I eventually put my foot down and told him we don't have money for investments and we need housing, gas, electricity, food, water. [00:55:11] Speaker B: It's a manchild. [00:55:13] Speaker A: He told me that all I talk about is taking his assets and that I'm a gold digger. I was so taken aback that I had to ask our roommates, Master Splinter master Splinter and the teenage Roaches, if I heard him right. [00:55:32] Speaker B: What? Okay, read it again. I was so taken back, I had to ask our roommates, Master Splinter and teenage Roaches. Who are the teenage rich and noaches. [00:55:42] Speaker A: It'S a fucking joke. They live in a small ass fucking place. [00:55:46] Speaker B: There's other roommates on? [00:55:47] Speaker A: No, there's no other roommates. Oh, it's a joke. Okay, there's no other roommates. There's roaches. [00:55:52] Speaker B: It was funny even though I didn't. [00:55:53] Speaker A: Understand it if I heard him right. I told him I work in a strip club and if I wanted to be a gold digger, I wouldn't be stood in a shoebox with him huddling around a Yankee candle for warmth. That I wouldn't spend my evenings trying to figure out how to make dinner with a pack of Koolaid, a tumbleweed and a singular kidney bean I found in our cupboards. I told him that other men I see in the club make it rain every day while I can't even scrape enough sense to make it hail. [00:56:25] Speaker B: Fuck, yeah. [00:56:27] Speaker A: He asked me if I could go somewhere else because he needed space, but we live in a one bedroom apartment. Where am I supposed to go? In the kitchen sink? The more I think about it, the more angry it makes me. Even the local meth addict that sleeps in my apartment complex patio agrees that he's delusional. It's a dark day when you have a more reasonable conversation with a meth addict than you do your own partner. [00:56:49] Speaker B: Op, you deserve so much better. I take back my original comment, but this fucking freeloader. His parents kused him out of the basement, what, a year ago at most. [00:57:01] Speaker A: I mean, she's 24. So she's still young and hot. [00:57:05] Speaker B: Of course she is. [00:57:06] Speaker A: Go. [00:57:07] Speaker B: Fucking I'm young and hot, right? [00:57:08] Speaker A: No. [00:57:09] Speaker B: Right? [00:57:09] Speaker A: No. [00:57:10] Speaker B: That was not the right answer. [00:57:12] Speaker A: Not at all. [00:57:12] Speaker B: Am I hot? [00:57:13] Speaker A: No. [00:57:13] Speaker B: Am I hot? I will keep putting my feet onto your face. [00:57:17] Speaker A: Yeah, your fucking cold, fucking dead feet. [00:57:20] Speaker B: It does negate my purpose of being addressed as hot. [00:57:23] Speaker A: So girl, stop that. I don't like that. You're like ruining the podcast. [00:57:30] Speaker B: No, I'm not. I'm having fun. [00:57:32] Speaker A: So, girl, I have to tell you this fucking leave him. It's fine. You're still fucking young. Yeah, you still have plenty of time. He's 32. If he hasn't figured it out by now, fucking he'll never will. [00:57:46] Speaker B: You're going to be so rich when you're done. After supporting his fucking flat ass, it's. [00:57:50] Speaker A: Like you can go fucking find yourself your own fucking flat and go find, like, a dude that makes it rain. [00:58:01] Speaker B: If you want to do you don't. [00:58:02] Speaker A: Have to go out and find a gold digger. Here's the thing. I don't hate a gold digger. That's an opportunistic woman. [00:58:09] Speaker B: Exactly. Fucking respect. [00:58:11] Speaker A: Fucking people will be like, she fucking. [00:58:13] Speaker B: Got all that money. [00:58:15] Speaker A: It's like taking pictures of your body or showing your body in a strip club is selling your body. It's like no, selling your body is fucking going outside and doing hard labor for 8 hours every fucking day, back breaking work. And to the point where when you're 40, you're fucking having back and leg issues. That's selling your fucking body. [00:58:33] Speaker B: Fucking speak it. Preach it. [00:58:39] Speaker A: I have no problem with sex workers. I have no problem with anybody that has an only fans. Go fucking do it. [00:58:45] Speaker B: No. Make the most of your body. [00:58:47] Speaker A: I'm not going to pay for your only fans. But if you can find these dudes, that will fucking do it. Hell yeah. I don't fucking blame you one goddamn bit. You're awesome. And if you can find a dude, like, some dudes will have hang ups. Like, oh, my girlfriend shows naked pictures of herself online. [00:59:07] Speaker B: Now. Usher taught us all the truth. You don't mind? [00:59:13] Speaker A: Here's the thing. Every woman is a whore until she becomes your girl. Then it's all good. [00:59:19] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:59:23] Speaker A: And here's the thing. Every dude likes a sloppy blowjob. [00:59:27] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Okay. Do you ever see the TV show like Mama's Family or whatnot? [00:59:32] Speaker A: No. [00:59:32] Speaker B: Okay. Literally, she was like a grandma. And she was on today's show of all places, and she was talking and she was talking about how to give the best blow jobs. And her advice was, men love drool. [00:59:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:59:47] Speaker B: And I was like that, obviously. Yes. [00:59:49] Speaker A: We like it messy. [00:59:51] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:59:57] Speaker A: There's a fucking genre of porn where girls sit on a cake and fart. [01:00:01] Speaker B: Blowjobs should sound like good pussy. [01:00:04] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, it just adds lubrication. Just go for it. [01:00:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:00:10] Speaker A: Don't use teeth. Use a lot of spit. [01:00:13] Speaker B: I'm so sorry. It only happened twice, though. [01:00:18] Speaker A: That's all we got for this fucking week. Yeah. We'll be back next week, and we'll see you all then. Bye. [01:00:25] Speaker B: Oh, wow. Really? [01:00:26] Speaker A: Yeah, we're already done. [01:00:26] Speaker B: Bye, guys. [01:00:27] Speaker A: See you. Bye.