Apocalypse Please

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alrighty, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Human podcast. I am your host, Alex the truck. We got my wife here, not a truck. And then we got Courtney from across the land, in the land of liberals. [00:00:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:00:21] Speaker A: And Trump supporters. Go, Trump. [00:00:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:00:28] Speaker A: And this podcast started off awful. Like, as I was about to, like, start the podcast, my entire computer just fucking crashed. And it makes. It makes me absolutely fucking hate it. Professionals and people that, you know, do computer work, people that work in software, because it makes me realize, Mike, what do you actually fucking do? What, you know, do you bring forth to this world? And they're just like, I just sit here and play World of Warcraft until I am, you know, needed for something that. What is. [00:01:12] Speaker C: Wow. Still relevant. [00:01:13] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:01:14] Speaker C: No, yeah. Seriously? [00:01:17] Speaker A: Yes. [00:01:17] Speaker C: Okay. That's embarrassing. [00:01:19] Speaker A: Why is it embarrassing? [00:01:20] Speaker C: I had no idea that thing was still around. [00:01:22] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, it's. It's under fucking, you know, battle.net. it's. [00:01:26] Speaker C: Did they ever make the sequel to the movie? Because he set it up for a sequel. [00:01:31] Speaker A: Do you watch the wow. Movie? [00:01:34] Speaker C: No, I read the plotline because I was curious. [00:01:39] Speaker B: I liked the movie. [00:01:41] Speaker A: There's a movie. [00:01:42] Speaker C: Yeah, the plotline was good. [00:01:45] Speaker B: Yeah, I liked it. [00:01:49] Speaker A: But, yeah, now you can. There's still the war within beta test now live, June 5. [00:01:58] Speaker C: You know what? I reach out to my previous comments. This is legit that they've stuck around this long. Props. [00:02:06] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, it's the same, you know, thing. I used to play call of duty, you know, but, like, I see all this shit. I'm like, all it takes is, like, maybe, like, three people to do all of this. And, you know, they probably, you know, hire, like, a thousand, and it's like, 997 people are just redundant. It's like Poworld. Like, fucking a group of, like, eight people made pow world, and then they, like, got, like, $20 million because they made a fucking decent game. And everyone there knew what the fuck they were doing. Everyone had a purpose. Instead of hiring, like, a bunch of their friends and, like, well, you sit here and look cute. You sit over here and have perky titties. You sit over here and, you know, guard the women and be an incel. Like, I swear to God, like, any fucking place you go. It's like, oh, I. I'm a software engineer. Okay, what do you engineer? Well, I do patches and stuff like that. I'm like, when's the last time that you, like, save the day? Never. And especially people that work in it. People that, like, come down like, I'm gonna fix your computer. It's like, what they do is they sit there and they google what the problem is. They google what you told them, and they try and come up with a solution. [00:03:35] Speaker C: Sometimes you got a Google shit. [00:03:37] Speaker A: Yeah, but when they're paid for it. When they are paid, like, you know, $120,000 a year to fucking be a professional googler, I don't respect you at all. [00:03:50] Speaker C: It's a Google. [00:03:51] Speaker B: The ones that were able to do it. Yeah, but I still got the job. [00:03:57] Speaker A: Done, and I don't feel bad about them getting bullied in school. Yeah, when they're like, I got bullied in school. I don't care. You deserve it. I hope you get bullied in adult life now. I hope fucking, like, adults come up to you and give you wedgies and noogies and, you know, swirlies. Okay. [00:04:17] Speaker C: I know what the first and the last one was, but what's a noogie? [00:04:20] Speaker A: A noogie is where they take their middle knuckle and, like, you know, run it in your hair. It's called a noogie. [00:04:26] Speaker C: Oh, that sounds dreadful. [00:04:27] Speaker B: Yeah, it hurts. [00:04:29] Speaker A: You know, purple nurples, they, like, grab. [00:04:32] Speaker C: I thought that was a drink. [00:04:34] Speaker A: No, they grab your fucking nipple and they twist and it's a purple nurple. [00:04:39] Speaker C: But that's, like, one of your favorite drinks you always talk about. [00:04:44] Speaker A: The purple fucker is a drink. [00:04:46] Speaker C: So what's the difference? [00:04:49] Speaker A: Fucker and nurple? [00:04:50] Speaker C: Yeah, they have the same vowels, the same number of letters. What is the difference? [00:04:56] Speaker A: N u r p l e f u c k e r. Um. The fucking difference is one is a fucking, you know, form of bullying and the other is a drink. [00:05:11] Speaker C: But drinking can be bullying, too. No, no, there's peer pressure and shit and hazing. [00:05:17] Speaker A: Well, that's what you get for fucking signing up. Like, if you go to a fraternity and you sign up and, like, I want to be in this fraternity and you get hazed, that's what you get. I never feel bad for people that, like. Like, sign up to, like, go into the military and then they watch their friend die and have PTSD. It's like, you know, yeah, that sucks for you, but you signed up for it. There are people that fucking did not sign up for that actively did not want war and tried to avoid it. Fucking, you know, how to go kill children, watch their friend die, and then, you know, get ignored by the VA. [00:05:56] Speaker C: What's in a purple fucker? [00:05:59] Speaker A: A fucking regret. [00:06:04] Speaker C: What does regret taste like to you? [00:06:07] Speaker A: Like a fucking warm PBR from, like, two days ago. Ew. [00:06:12] Speaker C: That's what your regret tastes like? [00:06:14] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what regret tastes like to me. I mean, like, the purple fucker is way better than that, but, I mean. [00:06:21] Speaker B: It started to ferment and get this weird, disgusting smell. [00:06:25] Speaker A: Yeah, that's why I pour em out. [00:06:28] Speaker C: Regret tastes like bile acid to me. [00:06:34] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, like, when we go out to Durango, I'll get you a purple fucker now. Like, that bar is no longer a smoking bar. Like, there's, like, so much myth and mystique behind the fucking bar. Because they're like. Because it was, like, one of the last places in America that you can go inside and smoke cigarettes. Like a business. Really? Yeah, you know, like, try and find a place in America that you can go inside and smoke cigarettes. It's fucking rare. [00:07:05] Speaker C: Who wants to? [00:07:10] Speaker A: It was a novelty at that point. I think there's, like, only, like, four more places that you can go inside and smoke legally. [00:07:19] Speaker C: So a smoking bar is just a bunch of people smoking in the same air? [00:07:23] Speaker A: Yes. [00:07:25] Speaker C: So, like, second hand smoking on top of the smoking. [00:07:28] Speaker A: Uh huh. Yeah. [00:07:30] Speaker B: I always liked hookah bars. They smelled amazing most of the time. [00:07:36] Speaker A: What bars? [00:07:38] Speaker B: Hookah. [00:07:39] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. No, like, I'm talking about cigarettes, not a hookah bar. [00:07:43] Speaker C: What's a hookah? [00:07:45] Speaker A: It's like. [00:07:47] Speaker C: Cause Denise talks about it all the time at work, and I have no idea what she's talking about. [00:07:51] Speaker A: It's like a form of tobacco. It. It was really big in, like, the early aughts. [00:07:59] Speaker C: Uh huh. [00:08:00] Speaker A: Same thing with oxygen bars. [00:08:04] Speaker C: The fuck is that? [00:08:06] Speaker A: So hookah bars is, like, fucking. They take a piece of charcoal, and they use that to fucking heat up, like, tobacco, and you smoke it out of, like, a weird bong. [00:08:16] Speaker C: Okay. [00:08:17] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, hoses that come. It's like. Like an opium fucking. [00:08:22] Speaker C: Okay. [00:08:23] Speaker A: Like that. [00:08:24] Speaker C: I understand what that looks like, but. [00:08:27] Speaker A: Oxygen bars were, like, flavored oxygen. Like, you, like, hook up to, like, oxygen, and you can, like, choose, like, what flavor oxygen you want to breathe. It was a very quick phase. Like, there was literally one in Diamond Springs, like, right next to my apartment. [00:08:49] Speaker C: God. Uh huh. [00:08:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:52] Speaker B: You guys, can you give me 1 minute? I need to return this call. I think it was the mechanic that. [00:08:57] Speaker A: Yeah, take care of it. [00:08:59] Speaker C: No, take care of it. [00:09:00] Speaker B: I'll be right back. [00:09:01] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:09:04] Speaker A: Mechanic. [00:09:05] Speaker C: Okay. No, so, like, one of. So, like, you know how, like, Donna, like, rents out, like, other. So she has, like, three buildings that she rents out to other tenants, right? No. [00:09:14] Speaker A: No idea. [00:09:14] Speaker C: Okay, well, she has three buildings that she rents out. The tenants, two of them, one on top of the other on the upper one, she's renting out to a family with kids, and the kids have started flushing down random shit in the toilet, and it backed up down into the lower chick's apartment. So they're having to replace the carpet and plumbing and shit because the kids fucked it up so bad. So that's why Courtney has to return the call. Cause they're trying to figure out what the fuck to do. Cause now the chick can't live in there because the carpet's soiled. Like that picture I showed you with, like, the wall suction cup. That's what those kids are putting down the pipes. Like, random. [00:09:53] Speaker A: That's why, you know, if you are, like, a parent and you do not, you know, have the time to raise your kids, you shouldn't have kids. [00:10:03] Speaker C: I feel like there should be a child deposit instead of pet deposits when you rent. [00:10:08] Speaker A: I mean, that. That'd be fair, honestly. But, like, you know, every single mother and America would complain about it. Give her. Give them one more thing to complain about. [00:10:17] Speaker C: Oh, also, single dads don't just like. [00:10:20] Speaker A: Oh, single dads will have money, and they'll be able to fucking pay it. [00:10:25] Speaker C: Sure. [00:10:28] Speaker A: Like. Like, every single fucking father I've ever met, you know, is able to, like, handle their own. Think about how much more money I make than you. You know? Like, if we had a kid between us and, you know, then we, like, broke up, I would be able to, you know, handle it, and you would be. [00:10:52] Speaker C: No, if we broke up, you would keep the kid. Okay, if we had a kid, it's because you brought it in from a previous relationship. And if we split up, you would keep the fucking thing. [00:11:03] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, there's a movie called Big Daddy. It's an Adam Sandler movie where, like, a kid gets just dropped off at, like, the front door of, you know, what the guy assumes to be the father's, you know, place. [00:11:20] Speaker C: Mm hmm. [00:11:22] Speaker A: And the father is, like, over in China, you know, doing some, like, business or whatever, because that's what New Yorkers do. And he's like, well, I'll fucking take care of your kid until you get back. And, you know, he, like, has to, like, step up and be a dad. [00:11:42] Speaker C: So he bonds with the child? [00:11:43] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, he bonds with the child big time. [00:11:45] Speaker C: Cool. [00:11:46] Speaker A: And then, like, he lies and says he's the fucking father. [00:11:51] Speaker C: Why'd he do that? [00:11:52] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:11:53] Speaker C: Okay. [00:11:58] Speaker A: And then eventually, like, the fucking agency comes through, and they're like, hey, dude. And they're like, oh, shit. You just called me by my real name. Was it the mechanic? [00:12:13] Speaker B: So I told the mechanic that I was gonna, I was trying to sell the car and I told him the price and stuff. So the person who was interested in it just texted me and asked me and called me and asked for pictures. [00:12:28] Speaker C: Oh, nice. [00:12:29] Speaker B: So I sent them to fucking selling. [00:12:33] Speaker A: A car is like a stressful whole thing because, like, you know, if you're. [00:12:38] Speaker B: That's why I was like, if I could just do it by this one word of mouth and stuff and, like, not have to waste any time dealing with it, like, it seemed worth it to me. [00:12:50] Speaker A: I mean, like, one of the business ventures I've thought about is, like, buying like, a plot of land, just like an empty plot of land and then having, like, a used car dealership where it's like a pawn shop but for cars. [00:13:04] Speaker C: Isn't that what Carmax is? [00:13:07] Speaker A: Not exactly. [00:13:08] Speaker C: That's what I thought Carmax was. [00:13:11] Speaker A: So you sell your car to Carmax? Yeah, I wouldn't buy your car. I would, you know, take care of selling your car for you so people can come and look at all the cars and make. Okay, cool, cool, cool. And I would only, you know, accept certain cars on the lot. Like, if your car is like a big old piece of shit, it's like, it doesn't run it, you know, it's all fucked up. Then I'm like, no, get this. You can't have that on the lot. But it's like, I have a decent running car that I don't fucking need. Can you sell it? And you get like, 5% of the sale or whatever. And so, like, I'd have just like, a lot that just, you know, people bring in their cars, you know, and I have the keys, but, you know, the owner has, like, the title still because, you know, it's not my car. And I, you know, I can fucking deal with all the stuff. [00:14:09] Speaker C: So if the car gets damaged, what's in your law? Are you at fault? [00:14:14] Speaker A: Um, it depends on how it gets damaged. [00:14:18] Speaker B: There probably be some type of insurance that you could carry. [00:14:22] Speaker A: There'd be business insurance? [00:14:23] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:14:28] Speaker A: But I would, you know, make people, like, if they're going to take the car out on a test drive, sign a fucking document saying, hey, if you crash this car, you fucking buy it. [00:14:40] Speaker C: You crash it, you buy it, you. [00:14:42] Speaker A: Crash it, you buy it, it's yours. Congratulations. You now own this fucking, you know, piece of shit car. [00:14:48] Speaker C: You crash it, you cash it. [00:14:50] Speaker B: Nah, well, if it's their fault, then, yeah, they'd be liable and they'd have to pay for everything. But if it was someone else's fault, then they. Then you'd go after the person at fault. [00:15:01] Speaker A: Yeah, if someone fucking, like, t bones, I'm, like, going through, like, a stop sign or something. And they didn't stop on their fucking stop sign. Yes. Then, you know, they're responsible and it's like, hey, here's your fucking money. Congratulations. You know, they don't care because they wanted the car gone anyway. Me and the fucking person driving gets a fucking payout from the insurance. And, you know, everything works out except for the guy that hits us. He gets fucked. I mean, it was a thought. I mean, it's not something I'm gonna go for because I don't really give that much of a shit. But, you know, I'm like, ah, that sounds kind of cool. What was I talking about before, though? [00:15:55] Speaker C: AI? To canceling strippers. [00:15:56] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. So, yeah, like, I have no respect for any of these fucking people that work in an office. Like, if you work in an office altogether, it's just like, you know, what can you do? Like, imagine all the power goes out. Boom. You know, what are your skills? Like, what are your manual labor skills? Can you fucking, you know, do anything medical? You know, like, Courtney can do a whole bunch of medical shit. You can do a whole bunch of medical shit. [00:16:28] Speaker C: I can do a whole bunch, totally. Yes. But not on humans. [00:16:32] Speaker B: Well, I mean, if he's talking about apocalypse, I don't think anyone's gonna care. [00:16:36] Speaker C: I'm not gonna help other humans live. [00:16:40] Speaker A: That's fine. You know, I have, you know, guns. I can fucking, you know, plan. [00:16:44] Speaker B: You just kill Alex? [00:16:46] Speaker A: No, I want to kill my wife. That's awful. [00:16:48] Speaker B: I'm talking to Alex. [00:16:53] Speaker C: I'm not here to help other human beings live. I'm here for animals. [00:16:56] Speaker A: But what about me? What if, like, I was hurt? [00:16:58] Speaker C: It would depend on how hurt you were. [00:17:00] Speaker A: Chainsaw to the leg. [00:17:01] Speaker C: I would kill you peacefully. [00:17:04] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:17:06] Speaker A: I just chop off my leg with a chainsaw bag. I'm fine. [00:17:09] Speaker C: I'll cauterize it for you, but if it gets infected, I'll give you a painless death. [00:17:14] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:17:15] Speaker A: You can just take antibiotics. [00:17:16] Speaker B: You act like it's the. The end of the world. [00:17:18] Speaker C: You act like we're gonna have antibiotics in the apocalypse. [00:17:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:17:22] Speaker C: We are not. We are going to have it. You're going to have supply, and then when it's gone, it'll be gone. [00:17:27] Speaker A: Yeah. I know how to make penicillin. [00:17:29] Speaker C: Okay? You can't. No. Penicillin is a very old antibiotic. No one uses it anymore. Like, it's so old, it does fuck all. Like, bacteria is continuously evolving to be resistant to antibiotics, but it's better than nothing. Okay, well, no, what no one really fucking understands is no new antibiotics have been made. Like, nothing new has been made. We're just, like, increasing the strength of what we have. Like, eventually bacteria is gonna outrun it all, and then we won't have antibiotics anymore. Like, they're trying that. [00:18:05] Speaker A: That's gonna be the apocalypse. That, you know, that's gonna be when the power goes out. That's gonna be, you know, it's either that the sun's gonna explode. [00:18:15] Speaker C: My point is, we have a limited supply of antibiotics. It is not unlimited. And even what we have now is. [00:18:24] Speaker A: It's like, gas will only last, like, a year. [00:18:28] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:18:29] Speaker A: So, like, if you run out of gas, it's like. Like a gas station only lasts a couple days on its reserve tanks. [00:18:36] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:18:38] Speaker A: So it's like, this is, you know, what America should be doing is going through. And, you know, if you have a desk job, it's like, I sit at a desk and I do, you know, nothing. It's like, okay, do you know how to turn a wrench? You know, learn another skill. You know, learn a bonus skill that you can use in the apocalypse. Because if you come to a camp and be like, well, I can do your accounting. Yeah, they're gonna make fuck off. We don't want you. But if you go like, hey, I can fucking. You know, I can do sutures. You know, I'm really good at that. And they're like, oh, fuck, yeah. You know? Or, hey, I can shoot. I can defend. I can, you know, dig a hole. I can, you know, wire up electricity. [00:19:28] Speaker C: Why are we shifting into camps? I hate. I don't know. I don't like tribe mentality. I'm not gonna be part of that. [00:19:36] Speaker A: I mean, this is how it's gonna be. [00:19:38] Speaker C: I'm not gonna be part of that. I can guarantee you, yes, I am only suffering so much more on this fucking mortal plane, forced to exist in. Fuck that. [00:19:53] Speaker A: No. [00:19:55] Speaker C: Second. My life gets more uncomfortable than it is. I'm done. [00:20:00] Speaker A: I would make sure you're taken care of, okay? [00:20:02] Speaker C: No, you're lucky I haven't killed myself yet, okay? You have no idea how lucky you are right now. [00:20:07] Speaker A: That would be awful. I would be crying and stuff. I'd be, like, on the podcast. Like, my wife killed herself. So now we're having a man on the podcast. Welcome back, Tron. [00:20:23] Speaker C: You will let Tron move back in. [00:20:25] Speaker A: Oh, I'd be in such fucking, you know, depression. You know, I'd figure out something. [00:20:32] Speaker C: The point is, you're lucky. And my point is, if it gets worse, I am out. I am dead out. I am so tired of my body rebelling against me. [00:20:43] Speaker A: Viva la revolution. I don't speak French. [00:20:50] Speaker C: I don't expect you to. [00:20:53] Speaker A: The French do, apparently, like, fucking French. People, like, hate Americans that can't speak French. [00:20:59] Speaker C: I mean, of course they do. [00:21:03] Speaker A: They're such assholes about it, too. [00:21:05] Speaker C: They're like, America are assholes. You're an asshole. [00:21:08] Speaker A: Yeah. I never said I wasn't. [00:21:10] Speaker C: So. Okay. You can't be mad at other people being assholes when you yourself are an asshole. That's hypocritic. I almost said hippocratic, but it's. No, it's being a hypocrite. [00:21:19] Speaker A: It's a hippocratic oath. Yeah. I'm, like, excited for, like, the end of the world, and I feel like it's coming. I feel like, you know, America is going to just, like, run out of money. Like, the government's gonna be like, hey, we actually don't have any money. And everyone's calling in on their debts. So, yeah, we owe fucking China, like, trillions of dollars that we don't have, and they want their money now. So we're giving America over to China. Welcome to new China. You're all new chinese citizens. [00:22:01] Speaker C: So if we're taken over by China, does that mean we'll be forced into communism? Yep. Okay. I'm fine with this. [00:22:08] Speaker A: I mean, fucking Americans doesn't work. [00:22:12] Speaker C: Okay? Communism is the closest we can get to world peace because people who do not want world peace exist. Okay. [00:22:20] Speaker B: Yeah. Doesn't work that way. [00:22:22] Speaker C: The point, I mean, no. [00:22:26] Speaker A: Communism looks great on paper. Does not work. [00:22:29] Speaker C: Well, it's great. It's great until you want food. But the whole point is I want human subjugation. If we corral ourselves and farm our own selves, that's, like, the best scenario ever. We're immense meat. [00:22:48] Speaker A: Well, I mean, that's not. That's not what communism is. Communism is everything belongs to everybody. [00:22:56] Speaker C: Yes. [00:22:57] Speaker B: So, yeah. They ever practically work. [00:23:00] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:23:01] Speaker C: Like, I want comments in chains. And that is. [00:23:05] Speaker A: That's not how communism works. It's not a fucking dictatorship. What you're talking about is a dictatorship. [00:23:11] Speaker C: I want a combination of the two. [00:23:13] Speaker B: But there's no ever been ever any working communism. [00:23:18] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:23:19] Speaker A: I mean, there there's been communes that have worked for, like, a bit. And if you have, like, a small enough commune, yeah, it can fucking work. It's like, you do this job. You do this job, you do this job, and it all fucking, you know, flows pretty fucking well. But the second that there's someone that's like, I'm the leader here, and I'm entitled to fucking extra shit because I'm the leader, then fucking communism falls the fuck apart. The second someone, you know, in communism says mine, it's all gone. [00:23:53] Speaker C: I don't like humans as a species. [00:23:56] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, we're fucking assholes. But, like, the second fucking, you know, people are like, if everyone was selfless, and it's like, yeah, this belongs to everybody. You can have maybe, like, 20 people in a commune, and it works, but you get too much more than that, and it all fucking falls apart. [00:24:14] Speaker C: Well, it's also below the level of. Ugh, I can't remember the word now, but there's a word to describe how there's a level of how many people you need to be able to interbreed without causing genetic mutations. And that's 450. [00:24:32] Speaker A: Well, I mean, yeah, 450 is, like, just way too much. It's like a wolf pack. It's like, you can't have, like, 100 fucking wolves in a wolf pack. [00:24:40] Speaker C: No, but you could have 100 wolves in an ecosystem. [00:24:43] Speaker A: Yeah. And, like, have smaller wolf packs, and each of those wolf packs is its own commune. Cause each one fucking, you know, it's like, you do this, you do this, you do this, you do this. But, you know, if you have 100, you get some lazy fucking wolves, and they fucking take it all down. [00:24:58] Speaker C: No, you kill the lazy wolves. They're not supporting the community, ergo, they. [00:25:02] Speaker A: Exactly. That. That is exactly what I'm saying. You kill the lazy wolves. [00:25:06] Speaker C: Yes. [00:25:07] Speaker A: You kill the fucking lazy people that do not have any fucking real world skills. And then bada bing, bada boom, people. The fucking camps work well because it's like, hey, you know, okay, you can fucking, you know, we'll, you know, protect you because you're not gonna survive out there on your own. [00:25:24] Speaker C: Because if you cannot survive on your own, why are you alive? Okay. No. People like me need to be killed. People like, people who have, like, genetic deformities. Anyone who is not defined as a perfect human being does not need to exist, because we're part of the problem. [00:25:44] Speaker A: And this is how Hitler came to power. [00:25:46] Speaker C: It is. Unfortunately, I did. Okay. Like, one time I was. This is what I was taught in homeschool. I was taught that Hitler told people that it was okay to euthanize people who had down syndrome and stuff. And the first time I heard that, I was like, oh, yeah, that makes 100% sense. Of course, people who are meant, who are at my level of being able to contribute to a society have no purpose. [00:26:12] Speaker A: Well, I mean, it's like the movie 300. It's like they would take the babies to a cliff and examine them. And if they had down syndrome or any fucking genetic, you know, deformation, they just throw him over the cliff to. [00:26:29] Speaker C: Death is fucking quality control. [00:26:32] Speaker A: And yeah, it is sad to see. [00:26:34] Speaker C: This is popular control at its finest. [00:26:38] Speaker A: Well, I mean, they tried fucking doing that with eugenics and all that, and it did not work. [00:26:43] Speaker C: Well, they didn't try hard enough. [00:26:45] Speaker A: Oh, they did. And they fucking one dude was like, I am the father of all these babies. And just, it went fucking horrible because he like, fucking impregnated, like, most of the women there. [00:26:58] Speaker C: So there on average, there's only about five to seven bulls that. That their semen is used to fertilize the entire cow population across the world. [00:27:12] Speaker A: Yeah. And that's why fucking bananas are going extinct, too. [00:27:15] Speaker C: Disgusting. [00:27:17] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, bananas are going extinct. Yes. [00:27:22] Speaker C: They've already gotten extinct. [00:27:23] Speaker A: Well, one fucking. The old banana went extinct. The one, the Laffy taffy is after that one went extinct. You know how like, the banana Laffy taffy doesn't taste like bananas? It's cuz that fucking banana went extinct. [00:27:39] Speaker C: Okay, I don't care what everyone else says. Bananas taste like mucus. [00:27:43] Speaker A: Well, if you can put them in your mouth too long. Yeah, exactly. Banana bread. Fire. [00:27:48] Speaker C: There's a reason why I've never made banana bread for you. [00:27:51] Speaker A: Whatever. [00:27:52] Speaker C: So do you like it with nuts or without the nuts? [00:27:55] Speaker A: Nuts, of course. [00:27:56] Speaker C: Okay. At least there's a shining. [00:27:58] Speaker A: So let's go ahead and get into some fucking stories. We've been jabbering like a half an hour and like, we're about to like, start a fucking, you know, crazy dictatorship. So, um, but a man, a 71 year old man, was arrested by the LAPD because they found nearly 3000 boxes of stolen Legos in his home. Now, when I first saw the title for this story, I just thought it was just like loose boxes of Legos. I'm like, is he just. I'm like, is he just going to fucking schools and just stealing their boxes of legos? [00:28:35] Speaker C: Wait, why did you assume that it said Lego sets? [00:28:40] Speaker A: Because like it just said stolen, you know, Legos, like boxes. What does he set? Didn't say sets. [00:28:47] Speaker C: Just you literally just sets. [00:28:50] Speaker A: I. I know, cuz in the fucking website here at CB's news calm. Yeah, I'm actually on the fucking website. It says sets. But like, on the fucking, you know, shorted version, it did not say sides, it just said boxes. Legos. Fucking man, you know, was arrested because I found boxes, Legos in his house. [00:29:12] Speaker C: What he steal them from? Just like stores and stuff? [00:29:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:15] Speaker C: Does he have to pay it back? [00:29:17] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. So, you know, La police found more than 2800 boxes stolen Lego sets. And he has. They have pictures of it and it's just fucking racks and racks of fucking, you know, Lego sets. [00:29:31] Speaker C: Did he see what he was gonna do with them? [00:29:33] Speaker A: Oh, he sells them. [00:29:34] Speaker C: Oh, so he's making a profit? [00:29:38] Speaker A: Oh, he was, he was. But his name is Richard Siegel. And his accomplice, 39 year old Blanca Giudino, they rated his fucking long beach home. And you know, they found all these fucking boxes ranging from $20 to well over a thousand. [00:30:04] Speaker C: Where did the boxes go? [00:30:07] Speaker A: What do you mean? [00:30:08] Speaker C: Like, do they go back to the store? It's like, where did the boxes of legos go to? [00:30:13] Speaker A: Whatever store reported them stolen. [00:30:15] Speaker C: Do you think they have any of the cat ones? No, I really want one of the cat ones. [00:30:20] Speaker A: Do you wanna, you know, box like a Lego cat? [00:30:23] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:30:23] Speaker A: Let me see. [00:30:25] Speaker C: No, they're expensive. [00:30:27] Speaker A: I bet you they're not. [00:30:28] Speaker C: No, there's a reason why I haven't bought them. [00:30:33] Speaker A: See, $68. [00:30:35] Speaker C: Yeah, that's a lot. [00:30:37] Speaker B: Yeah, for legos. [00:30:40] Speaker A: That's not that much. [00:30:41] Speaker C: It is for me. [00:30:43] Speaker A: Here's from Lego.com. [00:30:45] Speaker C: Have bills to pay. See, that's a $100. [00:30:48] Speaker A: We'll ship in 60 days. Dismiss. Fuck off. [00:30:51] Speaker C: It'll ship in 60 days. [00:30:53] Speaker A: It's on back order. [00:30:54] Speaker C: Oh, my God. Well, there's a reason why it's on back order. It's cute as fuck. And they also have their like, flower line, which is also really cute. Oh my God, look at it. It's so cute. [00:31:04] Speaker A: I mean, just like, look at the fucking picture. It has different eyes. That's cool. [00:31:08] Speaker C: Yes. [00:31:10] Speaker A: So he might have had fucking the cat once. You never know. But yeah, detective, the detectives came and fucking rated his shit. Fucking found all his boxes and people were showing up, you know, as the raid was happening and like, looking to buy like, boxes of fucking Legos. [00:31:30] Speaker C: Oh, nice. [00:31:32] Speaker A: Yeah, it's like. Oh, never mind. They like, just. But yeah, like, whoa, all the fucking boxes. That's so many ninjagos. They have the fucking millennium Falcon. [00:31:43] Speaker C: They have so much Star wars. [00:31:47] Speaker A: And I don't understand why people fucking pay. Literally. 3d printers exist. Just 3d print whatever the fuck you want. [00:31:54] Speaker C: It's just, it's the joy of assembling it. It's a 3d puzzle. Legos are 3d puzzles and I love puzzles. Legos are 3d puzzles. [00:32:04] Speaker A: Okay, so yeah, this guy, you know, fucking Richard Siegel. Good on ya. I feel like he's gonna get a slap on the wrist. Mike, don't steal Legos. [00:32:19] Speaker C: He's 71. What are they going to do. [00:32:24] Speaker A: Slap him on the wrist? [00:32:25] Speaker C: Like, do 71 year old students also get fucked in the buck in prison? Or is there like a. There like a level where you're like, okay, you're too old to fuck in the butt in prison? [00:32:34] Speaker A: They fuck him in his colostomy bag. Duh. They fuck him in a stoma. [00:32:41] Speaker C: It would be warm and squishy. [00:32:44] Speaker B: This is too disgusting. [00:32:47] Speaker A: Fucking Courtney's like, it hits too close to home. [00:32:50] Speaker C: Sorry, Courtney. [00:32:53] Speaker B: So like, one of the tenants, the kids keep on putting shit down the toilet. Like straight up, they're putting shit down there and like, they push down toilets. [00:33:09] Speaker C: Oh my God. You think you're hilarious. [00:33:11] Speaker A: I'm pretty good. [00:33:12] Speaker B: So I had to go and rent one of those rooter things. Like the, one of the professional ones that they use. [00:33:22] Speaker A: Yeah, they sell for like $60 at harbor freight. [00:33:26] Speaker B: They do? [00:33:27] Speaker A: Yeah, like the really long ones has like a little fucking, you know, little spiral head on it. You can go all the way down. Goes like 100ft. [00:33:40] Speaker B: Yeah, but is it the machine one? [00:33:43] Speaker A: Oh, I mean, you attach a drill to it, but yeah. [00:33:46] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. That's weird. Really? Are they effective, though? [00:33:54] Speaker A: I mean, I use it. I don't have the harbor freight one, but I have the hook one and it works really well rather than a plunger. Yeah, so it's like a fucking hook. And then you like, kind of like slink it down and just, you know, spin it by hand. It has like a little hand crank on it and. Yeah, breaks up all the shit and then flush it. [00:34:17] Speaker B: I have a small one, it's just not long enough. And then like, it just wasn't getting through. Like the hand crank one? No, one that. I mean, just getting through. Whatever. [00:34:30] Speaker A: I mean, obviously you're not gonna fucking, you know, be using it a whole bunch, but, you know, it's sometimes easier. [00:34:37] Speaker B: To rent every month, basically. At least like once or twice a month for the past year, few months. [00:34:49] Speaker C: God. [00:34:51] Speaker B: Yeah. And like one time we had to pay someone to do it because like, it was really bad. Like, it flooded her apartment. [00:35:00] Speaker C: Like, why are you still renting to the family? [00:35:06] Speaker B: It was. There's, like, so many people up there. [00:35:09] Speaker C: Uh huh. [00:35:10] Speaker B: But, like, now we know that it's the kids putting stuff down the toilet donut. Because, like, we, for real found, like, paper towels and this last time. And, like, we found baby wipes last time. [00:35:26] Speaker C: Oh, my God. Flushable. Baby wipes are not flushable. [00:35:30] Speaker A: Fucking evict them. [00:35:31] Speaker B: They're not. [00:35:32] Speaker A: Get them the fuck out of there. [00:35:34] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:35:37] Speaker A: Yeah. And solibide. [00:35:41] Speaker B: No worries. [00:35:45] Speaker A: But apparently for the next story, hard left turn, you know, rather than, you know, shitty toilets. [00:35:53] Speaker C: Why is it left and not right? [00:35:57] Speaker A: Because that's how, like, stages work. [00:36:00] Speaker C: I like left's better than right. [00:36:01] Speaker A: Exit left. Yeah, that's how scenes transition. Oh, no, I might be making that shit up. [00:36:11] Speaker C: Transition to the left. [00:36:13] Speaker A: I mean, that at least when I was doing plays, that's how we did it. Exit left. Exit stage left. [00:36:22] Speaker B: But they don't have a lot of cat specific stuff for legos. [00:36:27] Speaker C: Yeah, that's a small collection. [00:36:32] Speaker B: Yeah, I just need, like, the tiny mini cats that they have and then, like, that one tuxedo cat for, like, $100 off of Amazon, though. [00:36:42] Speaker C: So tuxedo cats are good cats. Unless you have a girl tuxedo, then it's kind of iffy. [00:36:49] Speaker A: So apparently, over in Japan, marriage rates have been declining. So now the government has created their own fucking version of, like, tender or a dating app called Tokyo's Futari story in an effort to create couples. Futari, not to be confused with Futonari chicks with dicks. [00:37:19] Speaker C: Oh, I heard fruits pass get, and I was very confused. [00:37:22] Speaker A: In a country where it's seemingly where it's increasingly common to become hitori or alone, I like how they're, like, trying to, like, insert a little bit of japanese. Like, hey, learn a little bit of japanese while you're here reading this story. [00:37:35] Speaker C: It's respectful. I appreciate them doing that. [00:37:38] Speaker A: I mean, they can just call them neets. It's fine. [00:37:41] Speaker C: I mean, they could have also done that. Yes, I do agree with that. [00:37:46] Speaker A: The site is offering counsel and general information for potential lovebirds. The dating app is also in development. City hall hopes they can offer it later this year, accessible through phone, web through phone, or web. But reports say that the app will require a confirmation of identity, such as driver's license, your tax records to prove income, and a signed form that says you're ready to get married. [00:38:18] Speaker C: This is blue lobster shit right here. [00:38:23] Speaker A: I mean, like, I feel like a whole lot of people like, japanese people do not. They're not really open about sex and stuff like that. [00:38:33] Speaker C: Yeah, they're worse in America that well. [00:38:36] Speaker A: I mean, they are fucking perverted. Like, they're like, they're like, they have sex shops. Oh, yeah, no, they have love hotels. They have a hotel that you can go to and be like, I want 2 hours. And then you come out ten minutes later and it's like, can I get a refund on the second hour? Like, no, it's like, good for you. For, you know, thinking that you can go 2 hours. Like, they have panty vending machines. [00:39:09] Speaker C: Why are people into underwear? [00:39:12] Speaker A: It's Japan. They are weird. Like, their fucking game shows over there is like, next level. [00:39:20] Speaker C: Those are cool as fuck. [00:39:23] Speaker A: Like, I want to fucking learn, you know, fluent Japanese. That way I can just, like, watch their game shows and just have a good fucking time. [00:39:30] Speaker C: I just watched the ones you don't need instructions to be able to enjoy, which is all of them. [00:39:36] Speaker A: The report says the app may also ask for height, job and education, but an official denied anything was decided. Yeah, I mean, they want fucking, you know, foreigners to come in, but they don't want them to come in. Like the old timers. Yeah, the baby boom is done. And I feel like this is just all throughout the world. Like, people are like, ah, I need to save up money because the world's coming to an end. [00:40:11] Speaker C: Kids are expensive. [00:40:15] Speaker A: Honestly. Like, diapers are expensive. [00:40:18] Speaker C: Like, what the fuck? [00:40:21] Speaker A: I've come up with a plan to fucking, you know, curb, you know, all this unnecessary baby breeding. And pretty much what it is is if you are qualified and you have, like, enough money and can, you know, support a kid financially and, you know, together with your spouse or, you know, your boyfriend or your girlfriend or whatever, or your partner in general. [00:40:47] Speaker C: Is there a black mirror episode about this? Well, no, I'm pretty sure no. I've heard this storyline before, but pretty. [00:40:55] Speaker A: Much what it would be is you do not get the child tax credit unless, you know, both, you know, fucking partners are working and both of them are together. So, like, you can have as many kids as you want. The government's not going to pay for it. You don't get wic, you don't get any of that shit. And if you cannot provide for your kid, you're going to go to jail, you're going to get your kid taken away from you and rehomed to a loving family. [00:41:27] Speaker C: So the government still pays for it in the end? [00:41:29] Speaker A: No. [00:41:30] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, it doesn't really, like, like, that's already happening. And like, there's tons of kids that aren't going to good, loving homes. [00:41:41] Speaker A: Well, I mean, you get a child. [00:41:43] Speaker B: Tax credit that just doesn't have enough money. [00:41:47] Speaker A: Yeah, no, like, fucking, there's people that will go out there, have a kid or two, um, fucking treat them like shit, get that child tax credit and then use that child tax credit. Unlike drugs, you know, what I'm saying is take away that incentive to have a kid to get a child tax credit. So, you know, now both, you know, members have to be, you know, working, you know, paying taxes, you know, and, you know, say you get divorced. Guess what? No longer get a child tax credit. [00:42:22] Speaker B: I mean, how much even is the tax credit? [00:42:25] Speaker A: Like a few thousand. Like, I have one friend that had two kids. She got an extra $10,000 on our taxes. [00:42:38] Speaker B: So. So it's 1600 per dependent. [00:42:44] Speaker A: It was way more than that. [00:42:47] Speaker B: Yeah, for it's per kid. So it's 1600 per kid. And then I think it's capped at a certain amount of kids. [00:42:58] Speaker A: Now I need to fucking look it up. See, that's what I tax credit. [00:43:06] Speaker B: Okay? So to off of what the fuck? That's not. I wouldn't trust that one child tax. [00:43:19] Speaker A: Credit would be worth 2000 per qualifying child. Yeah, 1700 being part potentially Congress. [00:43:28] Speaker B: So the credit was 1800 in 2024. 1900 in 2024. And then 2000. [00:43:37] Speaker A: Get rid of that for fucking, you know, people that, you know, are just having kids, have kids. [00:43:47] Speaker B: I mean, that's like, you know, make. [00:43:50] Speaker A: It to where, you know, abortion is just available to everybody as late as you want. You know, that baby, oh, hasn't cried yet. Fucking chop its head off. I mean, it's not a nice thing, but it's like, it's better. Like, as a fucking newborn, you're not online yet and like, you're alive, you're just not online. Like, you don't fucking really remember anything. I had the tip of my penis cut off. I don't remember that. [00:44:29] Speaker B: Thanks, mom, for fucking, you know, so they used to not believe that babies didn't feel pain. Didn't feel pain. And so they actually do remember stuff. Like all the people today that don't like doctors. Like, some of that can be connected to the fact that, oh, they didn't give them pain meds and they're afraid of people in nurses outfits and white coats. [00:44:54] Speaker C: And also this shit sets you up for chronic pain later in life like that. [00:45:01] Speaker A: I know why I don't like doctors. And I have a clear memory of what the fuck happened. [00:45:06] Speaker B: And it was held down when you. They gave you a shot, which is needles. And now you don't like doctors. [00:45:12] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:45:12] Speaker C: And he still married someone in the medical profession. [00:45:15] Speaker A: Cat medical facility. [00:45:17] Speaker C: I fix pussies. [00:45:19] Speaker B: I mean, it's required for you to get vaccinated. [00:45:23] Speaker A: No, it's not. [00:45:25] Speaker B: Well, you have to jump through hoops not to. [00:45:28] Speaker A: No, I don't. [00:45:30] Speaker B: No, I meant when you're a child. [00:45:33] Speaker A: I mean, yeah, my mom held me down. She's like, hey, here you go. Here's the fucking chickenpox vaccine. Oh, you got chickenpox anyway. [00:45:42] Speaker C: Yes, but when you had chicken pox, it was. It was less severe and it didn't last as long. You didn't fucking die from it. [00:45:50] Speaker A: Should have. [00:45:54] Speaker B: Let's go through the shingles. [00:45:58] Speaker A: I mean, whatever. We'll figure it out when I get there. Apparently, police in Burlington, Vermont, staged, like, a shooting, didn't tell the students, and now the students are fucking terrified. [00:46:09] Speaker C: What the fuck? [00:46:11] Speaker A: Yeah, they did a robbie, a robbery scenario that included fake firearms for, like, a fucking drill. And, yeah, they just like, did, like, a mock shooting at a school. I'm like, that's in poor taste. And they're like, yeah, we're sorry about that. Bet on us. [00:46:35] Speaker C: Like, an apology is going to fix things. [00:46:39] Speaker A: Vancouver is upset because they had privacy logs and now they don't because they had a nude beach. [00:46:45] Speaker C: I don't know what privacy logs means. [00:46:48] Speaker A: Like a log. Like a tree that's on the side. Oh, log of a tree. Tree log. It's fine. [00:46:59] Speaker C: Like driftwood. [00:47:01] Speaker B: So, like, Alex, it's like a log. [00:47:04] Speaker A: Like a log. Like. [00:47:05] Speaker B: Like a big section. [00:47:07] Speaker A: Like a log. [00:47:08] Speaker B: Like it could be small or big of a tree. [00:47:11] Speaker C: Okay, so driftwood. Continue. [00:47:13] Speaker B: Well, not driftwood, but yeah, it's on the beach. [00:47:17] Speaker C: It's now driftwood. [00:47:19] Speaker A: They brought it there. Jesus Christ. Shut their fucking bike up. [00:47:24] Speaker C: Oh, is your dick hard now? [00:47:26] Speaker A: No. Being obnoxious. Um, this one's from two hot takes. Now we're into, you know, all this dumb bullshit by boobies. It's 8008 I. E. S. Is boobies. Half my family doesn't know I'm married now. Yeah, I'm regretting not telling them. So I got married about two years ago to my husband. Just a courthouse wedding. We didn't announce it anyone. I only told my mom, sister, and a handful of friends prior at the time of my relationship. At the time, our relationship with my dad. Parents are divorced. Was not good. And I didn't want to tell them what I was doing. End result, no one on that side of the family knows about my marriage. More people on my mom's side know, and all of my friends. Fast forward to now. My dad is now sober, and we have a pretty good relationship at the time he asks if we're going to get married and stuff along those lines. I feel like he has gotten suspicious but hasn't accused me of anything. I'm feeling really guilty keeping this from him, but if I tell him we got married two years ago, I have no idea how him and his side of the family will react. We do eventually want to have a wedding once we can afford it. But do I just pretend like we haven't been married for the past few years? I really didn't think this through nor thought that my dad would be in my life or alive, period. But anyway, please provide any advice. Maybe I'm not the only one who's dealt with it. [00:48:56] Speaker B: Maybe just you can. If that makes them feel that uncomfortable, not letting them know, just let them know that, hey, we just got married on paper, but we plan on having an actual wedding ceremony. And so we haven't told really a. [00:49:10] Speaker A: Lot of people because it's lying to your dad. Keep it up. Let it blow up. It's gonna be great. Like, fucking be married 15 years make. Yeah, we've been married. But yeah, I'm fucking in the comments, people are saying, use your big, you know, adult words and tell them, you know, say, hey, we got married. You know, fuck off. Get over it. But, yeah, I mean, you know, you can either fucking not tell them. Tell them, um, it will come out eventually. How, you know, long do you want this lie to fucking go? Or you can just be like, yeah, we just got married. You know, we just did a courtroom wedding. We're still saving up. But, you know, just, you know, for taxes. [00:50:03] Speaker C: Just don't tell them how many years? [00:50:07] Speaker A: Yeah, you know, like, he doesn't know. [00:50:09] Speaker C: Just doesn't need to know the timeline of actually. What? [00:50:13] Speaker A: Like. Like when discussing, like, your ex girlfriends, it's like, don't, you know, ever tell timelines? It's like, when were you dating her? October to fucking, you know, January. Wait, weren't you dating me? November to, you know, it's like, oh. [00:50:26] Speaker C: Shit, the more details, like, this guy. [00:50:31] Speaker A: This keeps on coming back. I get it. Cool. Dude, you don't have to be that guy. Fucking go to where you're gonna go. Fucking people get their dicks hurt there, too. Another two hot takes. We got a couple of these, so we're gonna, you know, fast fire them because we got like ten minutes. I mean, we got as much time as we want, but I like to keep it concise by spooky skeletons 18 I, 28, female am not attracted to my husband 28 male after he gained a lot of weight. My husband and I are married two years together for seven. Have a pretty great relationship. We met in college, worked hard to achieve our own personal goals as well as relationship goals. We have similar interests and hobbies, and we have settled into a really nice life together. The only problem is he gained about 100 pounds since our fourth year together. He has a large belly and a lot of fat rolls all over his body. This has affected our sex life throughout our relationship. I've had many conversations with him about this. See? Fucking these guys. When we first met, we bonded over our love of physical activity and sports. Now he refuses to do any of the activities other than golf that I suggest. I try and cook healthy meals to keep him live an active lifestyle, but he always orders pizza. He won't join me when I go to the gym, fitness class, or hike. We have a decent sex life, but I find it hard to actually be sexually attracted to him. Even when we are intimate. His belly gets in the way and it's a huge turn off for me. It also doesn't feel great slamming into me. Sometimes I need to try and move it out of his way to get to his intimate parts. Aw, that's sad. And the last time I had a conversation with him was about four months ago, and he got quite frustrated with me saying I didn't marry him for his body. I totally agree and love him and love our life, but I miss being sexually attracted to him and craving sex with him. Does anyone have advice on how to tell him this or how to help him lose weight? Tldr my husband and I, together nine years, has gained 100 pounds over the last five years. We have an active, we have a great life together. And I love him, but I'm not sexually attracted to him. I've tried to encourage a healthy lifestyle. I've told him that this is a huge turn off for me, but he has no interest in losing weight. Um, honey? Yeah? Fucking men love being fat. Um. [00:53:16] Speaker C: You might want to consider giving up and moving on. You can't wait for someone to fix themselves if they're not going to. [00:53:24] Speaker B: Yeah. Plus, you can't do anything and make them. They have to want, they have to. [00:53:30] Speaker C: Want it, and it sounds like he's not going to, so she might as well cut her losses and move on. He's not gonna respect her anymore. [00:53:40] Speaker A: You know, give him like, a ultimatum, you know, just to. [00:53:43] Speaker C: Madams are never good things. [00:53:47] Speaker A: Yeah, like, just stop having sex with them. I mean, like, you know, it. Did he go from 150 to 250 or did he go from 250? Like 350? Because that. That, you know, kind of data matters, but, yeah, there's comments are saying that he has medical. Might have medical issues or he might get medical issues, but, yeah, a hundred pounds in five years. Yeah. That is not healthy. [00:54:23] Speaker C: It is not. [00:54:24] Speaker A: So. Yeah, honestly, you know, opie, just, like, go for, like, little things, like walks. Like, hey, come on with a walk with me, you know, and just, you know, encourage them. [00:54:43] Speaker C: That's what she's been doing. [00:54:46] Speaker A: No, she's been cooking nice and fucking, you know, beating around the bush, fucking make lose weight, or I'm leaving, you know, or get in fucking good shape yourself that way. He wants to fucking, you know, based. [00:55:03] Speaker C: On how she's talking about, I'm assuming she's in good shape. [00:55:07] Speaker A: I mean, I'm sure she's, like, going. [00:55:08] Speaker C: To the gym and fitness and that kind of stuff. Like, she's maintained her active lifestyle. [00:55:15] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, you know, back when we met, I was, like, in pretty good shape. Now I'm fat. [00:55:22] Speaker C: You weren't in good shape. You were malnourished. [00:55:26] Speaker A: It was great shape. No, I was skinny. I, like, I've seen, like, pictures of me from back then. I'm like, oh, fuck, I was so skinny back then. [00:55:37] Speaker C: Yeah. Cause you were malnourished and homeless. [00:55:40] Speaker A: Way to hurt me. Ouch. Um, now onto am I the asshole by trash feelings 5170 01:00 a.m. i the asshole for telling my stepdaughter she can have her dead dad pay for the wedding. Edit she is 27 right now. I have May. I may have gone too far. My now wife divorced her ex when her three kids were young. He was an addict. She met me a few years later, and we dated for two years before she introd. Like, how you spelled before. Before she introduced me to her kids. Two kids really hit it off. And Kelly did not like me. Just passive aggressive and stuff. But it came much worse when her dad passed away. She did not take it well and resulted in a lot of outbursts. I wasn't living there at this time. She went into therapy, but overall didn't seem like it helped. She threatens to run away if I married their mom, so I stayed away but continue to date their mom. Over time, the two kids started to stay at my place in order to get away from the drama. It was a rough time for them, and we bonded even more. When Kelly was 18, the two of us decided to stop putting our life on hold and got married. Kelly hated this. The other kids were happy, though. Every interaction I've had with her has been unpleasant, and I don't see her as one of my kids. I eventually adopted her siblings when they were 16 and 17. They asked me during that time, she destroyed a lot of her siblings stuff for betraying their dad. Now I rarely see her, and I prefer it that way. The two kids have a one, have an on and off relationship. I paid for the two kids weddings. I got a call for from her asking to pay for her wedding. Since I paid for the other two, I told her no. This started an argument how it's unfair. I have had enough to pay to have. I have had enough and told her to have her dad pay for the wedding. She hung up after some lovely names. I think I've gone too far, which makes me a jerk. [00:58:03] Speaker C: She's 27. [00:58:07] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, yes, I can see how you are kind of an asshole, how, you know, pretty much a little girl lost her dad. She, like, watched her dad go through addiction, which is not a fun fucking thing to do to, you know, watch someone you love, you know, pretty much destroy themselves and then end up dead. It's, you know, she's 27. [00:58:36] Speaker C: She's had plenty of time to work on herself, and she has done none of that. And then she expects to be handed stuff. That's narcissistic shit, right? [00:58:45] Speaker A: I mean, it is. Yeah, she is fucking narcissist. But, you know, at the same time, it's like, hey, guess what? You know, you, you know, are obviously the older siblings, so you got to, you know, see, like, the worst parts of it while the other kids were, you know, kind of naive to it. It's like my parents divorce. Like, I was there for, like, the divorce. I'm, you know, I'm like, whatever, I don't really care. But, like, my brothers were, like, young. [00:59:19] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:59:21] Speaker A: I'm like, oh. It's like when, like, grandma personally died, I'm like, oh, you know, but my brothers were, like, babies. I'm like, so. Didn't affect them at all. [00:59:35] Speaker C: Yeah, but we didn't ask your dad to pay for our wedding. [00:59:38] Speaker A: No, I paid for the house. [00:59:40] Speaker C: Yeah, that's different. You are not addicted to your dad. [00:59:46] Speaker B: Yeah. And I don't think you even expected his help. Like, you were surprised that you were gonna get his help. [00:59:51] Speaker C: Yeah. It was great, though. [00:59:53] Speaker A: I expect nothing like that. [00:59:55] Speaker C: That's precisely. And she's just after being a dick to him the entire time, she's reaching out and asking for free money. He doesn't owe her anything. [01:00:06] Speaker A: But, you know, bringing up her dead dad is where, you know, he's being a dickhead. [01:00:11] Speaker C: No, she has pushed buttons, and that's. No, you do stupid shit. [01:00:17] Speaker A: You win stupid prizes, you know, hey, you know, fucking. She, like, watched her two siblings, you know, get married and have, you know, her stepdad fucking pay for it. [01:00:29] Speaker C: She has not worked on herself, okay? I have worked on myself, therefore I deserve nicer things. [01:00:37] Speaker A: Well, I mean, like, addiction sometimes can run in the family, and sometimes it can, you know, like, if I don't know the entire story, I am not quick to fucking, you know, judge shit like this because I have seen fucking things go really wrong. [01:00:53] Speaker C: And it's like, uh, okay, now, the second he said she went to therapy, but it didn't seem to help, I was done. If you're in therapy, you have to help yourself. If you go into therapy and it's non productive, that's on you. [01:01:06] Speaker A: Well, I mean, like, I fucking went into the loony bin, didn't do shit for me. You know, I'm like, oh, cool, okay. [01:01:15] Speaker C: That'S different than therapy. [01:01:16] Speaker A: I mean, it was a form of therapy. I had to talk to a doctor. [01:01:21] Speaker C: But were you open and honest at all? [01:01:24] Speaker A: No. [01:01:25] Speaker C: Then it didn't work. [01:01:26] Speaker A: But, like, I was forced to go. [01:01:28] Speaker C: It was your fault that it failed. [01:01:30] Speaker A: Yeah, I was forced to go into it, so. [01:01:32] Speaker C: Yeah, but you didn't try. [01:01:33] Speaker A: Yeah, so, yeah, you know, for bringing up the dead dad a little bit, but she is more of, you know, being a little see you next Tuesday, cunt. So, yeah, all in all, you know, she's more in the wrong, but give me money now for relationship advice. I love this by throwaway. How do I. 20 female, female, 20 years old. Tell my boyfriend, male, 20 boyfriend, that he needs small condoms. He was a virgin when we met, but he watched a lot of porn. We started having sex recently, and he used regular condoms. They kept rolling off and they really wouldn't stay on. He thought they were too small, and so he bought some large ones. That was even worse. And they'd come off inside me. He's very insecure about its body, and he keeps. I keep telling him that he needs small condoms and telling him that he needs small columns probably wouldn't go down. Well, how do I tell them this without crushing his spirit? Girl, you can't telling a man he has a small dick is like, no, it's worse. [01:02:49] Speaker C: Finish it. [01:02:51] Speaker A: I mentioned the porn thing because he struggles to make me even come close to orgasming. Even with his hands, I think he replicates what he sees, and the sex isn't good at all. It's just one more problem to add. [01:03:02] Speaker C: Oh, darlin. [01:03:05] Speaker A: So teach him. Fucking guide him. You're 20. I mean, there's no way that 20 year olds fuck good at all. Like, when I was 20, I didn't fuck good. [01:03:20] Speaker C: You fucked, okay? It was improving, so I stuck with it, you know? [01:03:25] Speaker A: You like fucking like. Like blow jobs. Like, trying to get like, a, you know, bottle cap off a two liter with your teeth. [01:03:36] Speaker C: It's like, yeah, no, my first few blow jobs were not good, so I only bit your dick twice. So I feel like overall, that's a good accomplishment. [01:03:44] Speaker A: So do not use the word small. He needs a different size. [01:03:53] Speaker C: I mean, that's the nice way to go about it. [01:03:57] Speaker A: Fucking just go out and buy him condoms that are small, okay? [01:04:04] Speaker C: I highly doubt a package says small. So how do you know if they're small. [01:04:10] Speaker A: Less than regular or whatever the fuck that is? I guarantee you. [01:04:14] Speaker C: Okay? I want to know how they describe a small condom in an advertisement. [01:04:19] Speaker A: Small condoms, not female condoms, you asshole. Snugger fit. Form adapted snugger fit is what it says. [01:04:30] Speaker C: Oh, that's nice. That's very nice. Oh, my God. [01:04:35] Speaker A: From one condom? No, motherfucker, I don't want 15% off. I'm not buying condoms. Enter your own measurements. Holy shit. I can make my own fucking condom. [01:04:50] Speaker C: That's amazing. [01:04:52] Speaker A: I want to see how, like, how fuck. Max this bitch the fuck out. Get the fucking size. [01:05:00] Speaker C: They have a size for the max out. [01:05:06] Speaker A: Get samples. Or buy my one condom. Custom fit condoms now. Yeah, fucking give me it. I don't know, but yeah, get. Just get like a snugger fit condom and then just like, you know, take it out. Like, open it and put it on a stick with your mouth like that. That's a fucking, you know, a boss bitch move gets flavored ones. [01:05:35] Speaker C: I wouldn't. I don't care if it's flavored. I would never put a condom in my mouth. [01:05:38] Speaker A: I have. [01:05:39] Speaker C: That's disgusting. That's worse. [01:05:41] Speaker A: How's that worse? [01:05:42] Speaker C: Why is there a condom in your mouth? [01:05:45] Speaker A: Because I was blowing it up like a balloon. [01:05:47] Speaker C: That's okay. No, there's a difference between you blowing up a balloon and a condom being inside your mouth. [01:05:57] Speaker A: What are you doing? Let's. [01:06:04] Speaker C: You know, if you used a mouse pad, that'd be easier. [01:06:06] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm using my shorts. Yeah. Condom gum commercial. Yeah, it's a band fucking ad. [01:06:19] Speaker C: Well, of course it's ban. [01:06:22] Speaker A: But, you know, it's just like the fucking. They're like, fucking around and like the, you know, kitchen. It's like, let me me share it with Courtney so she can actually see it. [01:06:34] Speaker C: What the fuck? This is so bad. [01:06:36] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, it is really fucking bad. Fuck is it? Oh, there it is. [01:06:46] Speaker B: Okay. [01:06:52] Speaker A: So, yeah, they're like, fucking making out. [01:06:56] Speaker C: The deer is watching. [01:06:57] Speaker A: The deer is watching. [01:07:03] Speaker C: Who the fuck is the kid in the mirror? [01:07:05] Speaker A: I don't know. [01:07:06] Speaker B: That's not. It's not a mirror. It's a picture. [01:07:09] Speaker C: Okay. [01:07:13] Speaker B: And that's her dad. [01:07:17] Speaker A: He's like, what is that? He just puts it right in his mouth. [01:07:31] Speaker C: What the fuck did my eyes just see? [01:07:35] Speaker A: Nothing. Great. [01:07:36] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [01:07:37] Speaker B: Actually, that was kind of funny. [01:07:40] Speaker A: But that. That's how long ago that was, like, fucking in the beginning of YouTube. [01:07:44] Speaker C: So you put a condom in your mouth to do that? [01:07:47] Speaker A: Yeah, of course. [01:07:47] Speaker C: Did it work? Yes, but what'd you do with it afterwards? [01:07:51] Speaker A: Threw it away. I used. [01:07:53] Speaker C: How deeply was it inside your mouth? Was it all the way? Yes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. [01:07:57] Speaker A: It doesn't taste great. [01:07:59] Speaker C: It's fucking latex. [01:08:00] Speaker A: And I've also put like the fucking flavored ones in my mouth. [01:08:03] Speaker C: It doesn't matter if they're flavored. [01:08:05] Speaker A: It does. There's definitely a difference. Another relationship advice. So yeah, fucking, you know, get. Get small condoms and just don't tell them. Fucking put them on, you know, your fucking boyfriend and, you know, fuck with the smaller, stunker fit condoms. [01:08:26] Speaker C: Or tell him that he sucks in bed. Cuz he does. [01:08:30] Speaker A: Don't. He'll kill himself and blame. [01:08:32] Speaker C: He sucks in bed. You deserve better. [01:08:35] Speaker A: Another relationship advice by prudent business. 215, my boyfriend, 36, male, admitted that he thinks my sister, 27, female. It's prettier than me. 29, female. How do I overcome his comment? Um, he told you the truth, chica. Your sister's younger than you. Deal with that. Um, but let's read. I have gone my whole life battling jealousy of my sister. Um, I love her and only want her to be happy. But being the less attractive sister has stirred up many insecurities in myself since we were young. So you already know it would be. I would be considered cute. And I don't mean my sister is just a little bit prettier than me. I mean, she is a head turner. She could blend perfectly in Victoria's secret fashion show. Kind of stunning has a body, height and face, and she gets to live an extremely thrilling life because of what beautiful brings. Dates, powerful and famous men get spoiled with vehicles, luxuries. I mean, it's just night and day difference about how stunning people live in the world compared to the rest of us. I live a normal working nine to five growing up being compared to that and overlooked in every aspect. Next where has damaged my self esteem beyond repair. Now, I love my boyfriend and he loves me, but he made a detrimental comment that I'm struggling to move past. We're out with a bunch of friends I was meeting for the first time and everyone had been drinking. I was asked about my siblings, and at some point my boyfriend Lelly proclaimed, if you think you know my name is pretty, you should see her sister. And then began showing everyone at the table photos of her instagram. And of course, everyone was in awe. I felt so small, and now I knew my own boyfriend found her more attractive than me. I brought it up afterwards, and of course he backpedaled, stated he didn't mean in that way, but it's been two months now and the comment won't leave my mind. I can't escape the constant comparisons to her, and I don't think I ever will. It's exhausting. How do I overcome these insecurities? [01:10:51] Speaker C: Okay, this is the kind of creep who dates the sisters so we can get closer to the hot chick. In his opinion. He's a. He's a creep. You need to drop his ass. That's fucked up. How does he immediately know? How does he immediately have her instagram and start showing everyone photos? Like, that is so demeaning. Like, he's just with her to get closer to the sister. [01:11:14] Speaker A: I don't. I don't think this guy is, like, too much of a looker himself. [01:11:19] Speaker C: No. [01:11:20] Speaker A: And, you know, he's like, yeah, I'm, you know, but it's like when, you know, like, the sister is fucking hotter, it's like, ah, fuck, yeah. Like, it was just like a foot and mouth fucking type thing. [01:11:35] Speaker C: Op. Deserves better then fucking, you know, go. [01:11:39] Speaker A: You know, live your ugly life. If you're gonna do that, good on the comments. [01:11:44] Speaker C: I want to see if there's anyone who agrees with me. [01:11:47] Speaker A: Um, now, you know that even if he didn't mean it like that, he certainly mean it enough to publicly show off your sister to impress his friends. You know, you have potential to be as hot as your sister. Your sister puts in the work. You know, you don't, you know? Yeah. Fucking showing off the sister was like, kind of like, but, you know, these are his friends and. [01:12:18] Speaker C: And what? He should be proud of his girlfriend, not the sister. [01:12:26] Speaker A: See, this is the problem with women. [01:12:27] Speaker C: Oh, my God. So far, all the comments are agreeing with what I've said. [01:12:31] Speaker A: Yeah, of course. [01:12:33] Speaker B: Women, honestly, like, if, you know, someone has a complex about their sister or brother, whether the same sex, different sex, or shit, like, you don't go and turn around and do that. [01:12:46] Speaker A: Do you think my brother is hotter than me? [01:12:48] Speaker C: No. I don't find anybody attractive, though. Like, I'm not the person to be basing any source of. Of trying to prove what you're talking about. Everyone that comments are agreeing with me. That's why you're being so fucking. [01:13:04] Speaker A: Well, I have to be. I have to join the man side. Okay. [01:13:08] Speaker C: You just hate being wrong. [01:13:09] Speaker A: No, I. You know, I hate being a man sometimes because we have to fucking just deal with this bullshit, you know, and fucking, you know, show you women what's what. [01:13:20] Speaker C: I'm so. I'm so sorry. It's hard to be a piece of shit, babe. That must really suck for you. [01:13:26] Speaker A: I mean, like, if you had a hotter sister, you know, it's like. And I never mentioned it and I never brought it up. You'd be like, hey, like, you know, address the elephant in the fucking room. No. [01:13:45] Speaker C: Okay? If he's showing off pictures of her sister, like, she's his girlfriend, that's fucked up. She needs to dump his ass. [01:13:54] Speaker A: They were talking about siblings, and he was showing pictures of the siblings. [01:13:58] Speaker C: No, he meant it like that. Not like that. She needs to move on. [01:14:03] Speaker A: Okay, then fucking, you know, dump him. See? You know how fucking good your life gets from there? And you're like, oh, fuck. God damn it, why did I leave him or dump him? And then, you know, find someone that's like, you know, way hotter. I don't know. [01:14:18] Speaker C: Don't settle for anything. Second best op. [01:14:21] Speaker A: Settle for second best. My wife did. [01:14:27] Speaker C: I settled for safe. [01:14:31] Speaker A: Now for the last relationship advice. By no air 6885, I, 29 female, am pregnant from my husband. 31 female. God, I hope so. And our baby has a congenital disease. He is pro life, and I am pro choice. Can I make him change his point of view? We are married for three years, known each other ten plus years, and always wanted kids. We were over the moon when we found out I was pregnant. Our baby was diagnosed with a cardiac defect that would require several open heart surgeries. We are now waiting for the genetic test result. [01:15:11] Speaker C: Aw. [01:15:12] Speaker A: He has made it clear he wants to have the baby no matter what. And I have my doubts on what to do if the genetic test comes back with something. Even though I believe the test will come back clean. I wanted to discuss this for future cases. He told me he will not be able to be with someone that would abort voluntarily, that he would just ask me to have the baby, and then he can go on, and I can go on with my life, and he would never ask me for anything. So he is willing to do anything for the kids, even being a single parent. The only reason to abort is if my life was in danger. He comes from a catholic family, and I've always tried to be part of it, including the Sunday trips to church. I never stated that I was pro life in any situation. Just voice that I don't have sympathy for people that don't take necessary precautions. But he thought we were on the same page, both pro life. I guess it was my fault for not discussing this priority. I feel lost. There's a missing peace between us. I love this man, and for me, there's no scenario where I don't spend the rest of my life with them. If the baby was healthy, this discussion would have never been held. Um, that. That's some shit that you have to, like, just bring up. [01:16:34] Speaker C: Like, this is, like, maybe talk to a therapist, like, make this, like, a three way conversation. [01:16:44] Speaker A: I mean, like, I see this, you know, all the fucking time, and then, you know, people are like, fuck. Like, they regret, you know, their decision to make their life harder, but they do not regret their child, you know? Cause they can't. Like, I don't want to hate my child, but I hate the fact that my life is harder and they don't want to exactly point the finger at their kid, but that's what it is. Your kid made your life fucking harder because you decided to have one that, you know, has problems. It's like, you know, if you know that science can make it to where it's like, okay, cool, we have a good, healthy kid that will not have any problems in life. Cool. But, you know, people use religion as a shitty excuse. And to go out and be like, well, pro life, every life is precious in the eyes of Christ. I don't fucking care. You know, you fucking religious nut jobs, you know, go ahead and, you know, have your cake, but you have to eat it too. And when you're, like, a single father that's taking care of a baby, and. [01:18:01] Speaker C: It'S like, that needs multiple surgeries that are going to be very expensive, and. [01:18:06] Speaker A: Now you're in debt for the rest of your life, and you die penniless. And then the second you die, your kid has no support. Now fucking dies because they can't get the surgery that they need and dies in insane fucking pain. And, you know, it's like, if you have a harlequin baby, you know, the bit, the fucking skins inside out, it's like, why would you do that? [01:18:28] Speaker B: Wait, what? [01:18:30] Speaker A: It's. It's a condition called Harlequin syndrome. And pretty much the skin is inside out. They die very quick. Like, they don't survive. [01:18:42] Speaker C: Exactly. And why would you make them try to survive it in the first place? [01:18:49] Speaker A: Like, because you're cruel. Cause you're. You know, you're like, maybe I can make it work. [01:18:54] Speaker C: It's cruelty. When people, like, have children like this, it's like, no, no, no. This is not quality of life. [01:19:02] Speaker A: They don't want, you know, like, at the same time, I can see the father's point. It's like, okay, you know, this is my kid, and I don't want you to kill my kid because, you know, might have some problems. [01:19:17] Speaker C: I think a, they need to wait for the results of the genetic test because the genetic test comes back positive for stuff that it's easier to quantify why life is not. Why this will not be quality of life should be easier for. I feel like, for op's husband to. [01:19:32] Speaker A: Understand, but, you know, if everything works out, you know, when you have a healthy kid. Awesome. [01:19:38] Speaker C: No, she's not going to have a healthy kid. It's going. It's not. It's going to be born poorly. Like, they're doing genetic tests, I'm sure, for, like, certain types of things that could be the cause, but no matter what the cause is, this child will need open heart surgery. Won't fit. [01:19:54] Speaker A: Then, op, I hate to say this. You're probably gonna have. If you truly want to, you know, abort this baby, you're gonna have to leave your husband and kind of move away. Everything is. [01:20:08] Speaker B: He doesn't even have to tell him. I mean, she can always just take the pill and then say that he naturally died. [01:20:15] Speaker C: Yeah, you can. [01:20:17] Speaker A: Yeah, but he'll find me. [01:20:19] Speaker C: How would he. [01:20:20] Speaker A: Jesus. [01:20:23] Speaker B: It'D be over anyway. [01:20:24] Speaker C: Exactly. [01:20:26] Speaker A: I mean, that. That could also be just, like, another reason why, you know, you divorced. [01:20:31] Speaker C: Yeah. [01:20:32] Speaker A: Like a secret like that. Hey, I, you know, killed your fucking son behind your back or whatever. It's not a fucking great one to. [01:20:39] Speaker C: That's not. Okay, continue. I want to see comments. [01:20:42] Speaker A: All right, let's see. Comments. [01:20:43] Speaker C: This is an awful situation for anyone to be in. [01:20:47] Speaker A: I'm really sorry you're in this situation. It's actually absolutely heartbreaking. Unfortunately, you can't change his point of view. He's 31 years old, and presumably he's had these views all his life, and he has heard the debates. [01:21:01] Speaker C: Yeah, I 100% agree. [01:21:04] Speaker A: I don't have sympathy for people that don't take necessary precautions. Sound like you didn't take those precautions yourself. So you want our sympathy? I never stated I was pro life in any situation. Just voice that I don't have sympathy that don't take necessary precautions. But I thought we were on the same page, both pro life, but he thought we were both on the same page, pro life. He thought you were on the same big page because you were. You said you didn't have any sympathy for people that didn't take necessary precautions. Well, op, you didn't take necessary precautions and got pregnant with someone who is pro life and most likely because yourself were pro life. The only moral abortion is my abortion. Okay. You know, reap what you sell. Fucking people are just tearing op apart the comments. [01:22:09] Speaker C: They are. [01:22:13] Speaker A: I think you should let this choice depend on your doctor's advice rather than your husband's abortion views. For me to depend on what quality of life the child would have, and if they require lifelong care, like, they. [01:22:25] Speaker C: Need the results of the test to make a better informed decision. [01:22:30] Speaker A: I mean, like, you know, I. I have, you know, friends. Oh, a couple friends that have had, you know, open heart surgery as babies. And, you know, they're fine that they're doing great now and they're able to take care of themselves, and so why is that good? Well, this, you know, gives maybe hope for op here. I doubt Opie will ever fucking hear this. Yeah, but, you know, if she does, you know, hey, I have a couple friends. They can eat cereal out of their chest because they have, like, a concave chest. And, yeah, you know, they weren't an athlete, but they were successful in life. They're still alive almost to their forties. So. [01:23:34] Speaker C: I'm sorry, Opie. [01:23:36] Speaker A: You know, this sucks for you, and. [01:23:38] Speaker C: It also sucks for op's husband, but it's your body, so you get to make the choice. [01:23:45] Speaker A: But, you know, know that. That choice, if you make, you know, the choice to abort, you know, you lose both your baby and your husband. So that's the choice you're making. And you say that you cannot see yourself without him. Well, you might have to make a really hard decision. [01:24:05] Speaker C: Well, a pee has to make a decision about whether she's going to be a mother or a partner. [01:24:13] Speaker A: Well, I mean, you can be both. [01:24:15] Speaker C: Well, no, a mother chooses quality of life. She's making the choice for her baby not to have to suffer once it's born. If it's born alive. [01:24:25] Speaker A: I mean, if your baby is born dead, then you can fucking, you know, celebrate later. [01:24:31] Speaker C: Still, births are so traumatic. [01:24:35] Speaker A: But that's it. You know, we've gone way over the fucking time. Thank you all so much for being here. Hopefully that baby dies. Hopefully God kills that baby. He's like, ah, that one. Ew. Kills it. But, you know, maybe op will fucking update. I don't know. I don't care. I'm not gonna follow. But we'll see you all fucking next week with some of the same old bullshit, so. All right, remember, kill everyone in the apocalypse. Bye.