Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alrighty. Alrighty, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Human podcast.
This week we got me Alex truck. We got my drunk ass wife.
[00:00:11] Speaker B: You love me?
[00:00:13] Speaker A: No, not at all. And we got Courtney over there. He loves me so much.
[00:00:17] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:00:19] Speaker A: Courtney's, like, sober, you know?
[00:00:21] Speaker B: Unfortunately, that's fine. No, it's not.
[00:00:25] Speaker A: So today, you know, when this podcast comes out, is Father's Day.
[00:00:30] Speaker B: Womp womp.
[00:00:31] Speaker A: I mean, like, it's great for, like, the good fathers.
[00:00:35] Speaker B: It is good for the good fathers.
[00:00:38] Speaker A: Like, good fathers. I think that's, like, a pizza place. The good fathers.
[00:00:42] Speaker B: It sounds like it would be a good pizza place.
[00:00:44] Speaker A: Welcome to good fathers. We have the good pizza. Come on in.
[00:00:49] Speaker B: You didn't put a dad joke into that.
[00:00:54] Speaker A: I did.
[00:00:54] Speaker B: You did a dad joke.
[00:00:55] Speaker A: Come on in.
[00:00:57] Speaker B: No, you're not a dad. You can't pull it off.
[00:01:00] Speaker A: Yeah, obviously not.
I'm such. Not a fucking good parental figure. I killed my Tamagotchis.
Courtney, did you ever have Tamagotchi?
[00:01:14] Speaker C: Yeah, actually. I think it died.
[00:01:17] Speaker A: So we're all terrible parents.
This is what I'm hearing. Millennials are just bad parents.
[00:01:24] Speaker B: There are good millennials who are good parents, and there are millennials who are cycle breakers and are not having children because it's really hard to be a cycle breaker. And we gave up. We're doing our best.
[00:01:37] Speaker A: Why would I have a kid? I don't like kids.
[00:01:41] Speaker B: I don't like kids either. They're awful. God, they're whiny and their voices are so high pitched and they bump into things.
[00:01:50] Speaker A: Like, I can't get mad at children because they're children.
[00:01:54] Speaker B: No, I can get mad at children. There's this one client who came in with her two kids. They were screaming nonstop. The mother was literally holding the door shut as the children were trying to pull it open, and she was talking like it was normal, and I was like, what the fuck is wrong with you that you allowed your kids to be like this?
[00:02:14] Speaker A: Okay, so earlier this week, Wednesday, I was doing an open mic in Durango, as I usually do, but this one's a new mic, and it's at a pizza place called fired up pizzeria.
[00:02:28] Speaker B: I love pizza.
[00:02:30] Speaker A: And they have a huge pizza oven. It's like 900 degrees.
[00:02:33] Speaker B: Ah, that's good pizza, isn't it?
[00:02:36] Speaker A: I don't know. I didn't eat it.
[00:02:37] Speaker B: You didn't eat it?
[00:02:38] Speaker A: Why would the fuck would I eat it?
[00:02:39] Speaker B: I want to eat pizza there when we go down there.
[00:02:41] Speaker A: Okay, maybe.
[00:02:43] Speaker B: No, I want pizza from a pizza oven. Okay, mod pizza is the best I get.
[00:02:48] Speaker A: I don't think you understand how fucking packed this place is.
[00:02:54] Speaker B: I don't care. I want fire pizza.
[00:02:56] Speaker A: Well, it's a maybe, is what I'm saying. It's a maybe. If it's fucking packed, we're not gonna go.
[00:03:04] Speaker B: I can't doordash it.
[00:03:05] Speaker A: No.
[00:03:06] Speaker B: Aw.
[00:03:08] Speaker A: They don't even have Grubhub there.
You realize that this is.
[00:03:13] Speaker B: I'm sorry, are you saying Grubhub's better than Doordash?
[00:03:17] Speaker A: They don't have it.
Zero. Grubhub is out there. Nothing.
[00:03:24] Speaker B: So Doordash is barely so better.
[00:03:29] Speaker A: Okay? McDonald's and fucking Denny's is on fucking Doordash. That's it. That's all you're gonna get. Maybe Jimmy John's. Yeah. It's awful.
[00:03:37] Speaker B: Oh, God. I'm not eating Jimmy John's.
[00:03:40] Speaker A: Okay. Do you remember when Shelby came out and she was impressed by any building over three stories?
[00:03:45] Speaker B: Yeah, it was.
[00:03:46] Speaker A: That was for a reason.
[00:03:48] Speaker B: Oh, my God. That was cringy. I felt. I was just like, oh, my God, you are. That level of.
[00:03:54] Speaker A: That's where they live.
[00:03:58] Speaker B: Ugh.
This is gonna sound bad, but I don't respect people who didn't try to leave.
[00:04:06] Speaker A: It's nice there.
[00:04:07] Speaker B: They're allowed to be happy. Yes, but I don't respect them.
[00:04:11] Speaker A: The only reason you left fucking placerville is because I dragged you out of there.
[00:04:16] Speaker B: Nuh uh. If I didn't move in with you, I was gonna move in with Courtney. I was leaving people, no matter who.
[00:04:22] Speaker A: Would you do if she, like, had to move back in with her dad like she is now?
[00:04:26] Speaker B: That would be fine. I would help her out. I have medical knowledge and stuff, and I would take some of the burden off you, Courtney, because I love you, and it's very hard to be a family caretaker. I wish I could do more for you.
[00:04:37] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:04:38] Speaker C: It's okay.
[00:04:39] Speaker B: But it's not okay. But you got it.
[00:04:41] Speaker A: Well, you keep on interrupting her. So.
[00:04:43] Speaker C: So speaking of kamikaze earlier, there's actually apps from the app store, and one of them is called a katagotchi, and I heard cat.
[00:04:55] Speaker B: What?
[00:04:57] Speaker C: It's a category.
So one of the cats is that I can choose from right now is Persian. And I don't know what is the male and female symbol? It's like the o cross and the.
[00:05:13] Speaker A: The cross is female. The fucking penis coming out of the circle is male.
The one that looks like a dick and balls. That's a dude.
[00:05:24] Speaker C: Wait, the crosses or the arrow?
[00:05:26] Speaker A: The arrow. The one that looks like digging balls.
Oh, like an erect penis.
Oh, and the cross is like, you know, fucking womb and like a virgin pussy. That's like, you know. You know, but it doesn't matter. It's like, oh, no, your persian fucking died. Cause it can't breathe.
[00:05:47] Speaker B: Courtney, share me this game with me. Cause I'm stupid and can't find it.
[00:05:52] Speaker A: Well, do it after. Do it after the fucking podcast. I'm doing it in the middle.
[00:05:58] Speaker B: I heard cat.
[00:05:59] Speaker A: Do it after the podcast. All right, this is only gonna be an hour.
Don't get distracted. Like, I'm gonna, like, prevent my wife from, like, drinking, like, on, like, the next podcast.
[00:06:10] Speaker B: Why?
[00:06:12] Speaker A: Because you get an interruptee?
[00:06:15] Speaker B: Because I. Because I sink into my full valley, girl. I'm sorry.
[00:06:20] Speaker A: Yeah, it's the worst.
[00:06:21] Speaker B: It is the worst, and I'm proud of it.
[00:06:26] Speaker A: But what we were talking about Father's day and Father's day is a. You know, it's a day. It's like, congratulations, your dad. It didn't take much. It took, you know, five minutes, three thrusts. You know, congratulations. You're a father now.
You know. You didn't do anything other than sit there and play call of duty for nine months. Well, you know, the woman did, like, all the work and throwing up and morning sickness. That's why Mother's day gets celebrated so much more.
[00:07:00] Speaker B: What's the rest of the five minutes.
[00:07:02] Speaker A: Used for getting naked?
[00:07:05] Speaker B: Oh, it takes you that long to undress?
[00:07:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
Go to, like, a woman. Be like, hey, do you want to fuck? And then you, like, you know, go to the room and then you get naked, and then, you know, you fucking thrust three times. And then, you know, you come and you're like, oh, you make weird noises and, like, a weird face. And she's like, oh, yeah. Again, cool.
[00:07:29] Speaker B: Do I make weird faces?
[00:07:32] Speaker A: Everyone makes weird faces. Yeah. Yes.
[00:07:34] Speaker B: So I make weird faces.
[00:07:35] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:07:37] Speaker B: Continue.
[00:07:39] Speaker A: Um, I'm, like, trying to do bits over here, and you're just like.
You're bombing my bits, like, harder than fucking.
[00:07:50] Speaker B: Well, then make them funny.
[00:07:51] Speaker A: Gaza Strip. No, they are funny.
[00:07:54] Speaker B: No, make them funny.
[00:07:57] Speaker A: You're just in a rut.
[00:07:58] Speaker C: It doesn't work that way, though.
Sometimes you don't laugh right away.
[00:08:04] Speaker A: Like, I'll tell her a funny joke and she'll look at me autistically and be like, that's funny. Good job.
You said a funny joke.
[00:08:13] Speaker B: I'm not going to give you fake laughter.
[00:08:17] Speaker A: It's all I want.
[00:08:18] Speaker B: Only one in five laughters is true. Genuine from funniness the rest are all social cues, and I don't want to give you false social cues.
[00:08:29] Speaker A: I mean, like, I fucking crushed at the last open mic I did.
[00:08:32] Speaker B: I don't doubt it. You have other people than me as your audience.
[00:08:37] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, yeah. Like, half of them are autistic, but it, like, autism is spreading like goddamn chickenpox.
[00:08:45] Speaker B: Oh, my God. I hate that. I hate it so much.
[00:08:48] Speaker C: Like, more people are realizing that they might have it, and that's why we.
[00:08:56] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, I don't have autism.
[00:08:59] Speaker C: Also, you are lucky.
It's really similar to childhood PTSD. So a lot of people who have childhood trauma sometimes are diagnosed with autism even though they really don't have it.
[00:09:14] Speaker B: Thank you so much for saying that.
[00:09:17] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, that, like, they're like, you have ADHd. I'm like, I don't like. You do really bad. I'm like, no, I don't trust your doctor judgment. Fuck you.
I honestly don't like doctors at all.
[00:09:36] Speaker B: No doctors.
It's hard to find good doctors, let me put it that way.
[00:09:43] Speaker A: So. But back to what I was saying, you know, three thrusts in five minutes. That's all it takes to be, you know, fucking father.
Jesus.
Like, this is why hecklers are kicked out of comedy shows, like, immediately. It's like, we should be like. Like it.
Like, I almost went to a fucking comedy show tonight, but my wife, like, got smashed.
[00:10:10] Speaker B: I'm like, no, you said you didn't want to go.
[00:10:14] Speaker A: I said I did want to go.
[00:10:16] Speaker B: Nah, you were just waiting for an excuse, but I welcome it.
[00:10:20] Speaker A: No, I saw you were fucked up.
[00:10:22] Speaker B: And I'm like, and you could have gone by yourself.
[00:10:26] Speaker A: Yeah. You'd have gotten way offended.
[00:10:29] Speaker B: No, you've gone to comedy before by yourself, and I was fine.
[00:10:33] Speaker A: You were sick, like, every single time. I.
[00:10:37] Speaker B: Do you like it when I come?
[00:10:40] Speaker A: No.
[00:10:41] Speaker B: Do you like it when I accompany you?
[00:10:46] Speaker A: I mean, if you're gonna be loud and obnoxious during, like, the other people's sets. No, like. Like, if you did this during, like, other people's sets, I would, like, never invite you again.
I'd beg, stay home.
[00:11:00] Speaker C: Alex has enough self. It's totally different environment. Like, do. Doing it as, like, just in a room talking with someone versus having an audience actually there sometimes.
[00:11:13] Speaker B: It's intimate.
[00:11:14] Speaker C: I don't think I would be able to do this if we were, like, having an audience.
[00:11:20] Speaker A: I mean, we do. I put this out on the Internet.
[00:11:23] Speaker B: It's different when it's physical.
[00:11:24] Speaker C: I don't know.
[00:11:26] Speaker A: Like, I feel like every time, like, my wife gets fucked up, like, the episode just gets derailed, and I'm like. Like, I have, you know, plans and points that I want to hit, so.
[00:11:37] Speaker B: Then move on and hit them.
[00:11:39] Speaker A: Yeah, but you, like, every time I move on to the next point, you're like, no, you're like a cat with a glass of water. I'm like, okay, next one. I guess, like, when I do the news stories you're gonna make. Yeah, I'm like, each. Like, I pick the news stories because I have jokes for them, and then you, like, derail the joke. And I'm like, yeah, okay, never mind.
Yeah, like, I can't even get to the joke.
And I'm like, yeah, it's, like, depressing. It's like, okay, cool. Thanks for doing that.
But, like, if you're okay with me going to fucking comedy shows by myself, you know, but I'll do that.
[00:12:30] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:34] Speaker A: Like, I just don't want to hurt your feelings. I don't want, you know, to be like, hey, I'm gonna go do this thing without you.
[00:12:40] Speaker B: Why would it hurt my feelings? I didn't feel bad when I went into Lord of the Rings without you. Did you feel bad?
[00:12:46] Speaker A: No, I didn't want to go.
[00:12:47] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:12:48] Speaker C: Yeah, exactly.
[00:12:49] Speaker A: But you want to go.
[00:12:50] Speaker C: You guys enjoy. Just if sometimes Alex wants to go and you don't want her to go, that's totally fine.
[00:12:56] Speaker B: It's totally fine. We're two separate individuals.
[00:13:00] Speaker C: It's like, you know, just let her know. Say, hey, this time I don't want you to go.
[00:13:05] Speaker B: Yeah, it will never hurt my feelings, I promise.
[00:13:08] Speaker A: It'll just be.
It will sting a little bit.
[00:13:13] Speaker B: If you say so.
[00:13:16] Speaker C: Maybe.
[00:13:19] Speaker A: But, like, all right, onto the whole fucking next part. But, like, I have to, you know, give big props to, like, you know, my dad because, you know, he did adopt me, like, when I was, like, 910. I don't know, there's a long fucking time ago. You know, he did a really good thing, gave me a white name, helps me get jobs. They're like, oh, sir, you know, instead of being Alejandro Lopez, they're like, okay, we're not looking for any gardeners, but we are looking for truck drivers. It's like, I can do that.
[00:14:00] Speaker C: Oh, my.
[00:14:01] Speaker B: I am so grateful for this that.
[00:14:04] Speaker A: You'Re not Alejandra Lopez.
[00:14:06] Speaker B: Yes. I'm very happy I'm not misses Lopez. It would. It would not get me far.
[00:14:11] Speaker A: Yeah, no, you would lose opportunities.
[00:14:14] Speaker B: I would. I'm not disagreeing with you in any.
[00:14:17] Speaker A: Way, shape or form, but I still look brown. So, like, people, like, expect a nice white man to walk in the room and just me, and they're like, oh, a fucking racially ambiguous dude.
It's like, yeah, like, what are you? I'm like, I don't know. Actually ask my mom.
And then my mom will fucking, like, have, like, a rolodex of, like, all the things I am.
It makes fun more. It's funnier if you know what a Rolodex is.
[00:14:55] Speaker B: It's not a handed Pokemon cards.
[00:14:57] Speaker A: No.
[00:14:58] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:14:59] Speaker A: It's a fucking, like, whole.
[00:15:01] Speaker B: Like, is it a camera or a watch?
[00:15:04] Speaker A: No, a rolodex is like a bunch of index cards on a fucking wheel. And so you spin the wheel and goes br. And then you can, like, look up addresses and shit.
[00:15:16] Speaker B: Oh, I know what that is. Yeah, my mom had one for all of her recipes, so it worked differently for me. Continue.
[00:15:22] Speaker A: It's called the Rolodex.
[00:15:24] Speaker B: That's why I didn't recognize it.
[00:15:27] Speaker A: But, yeah, like, my dad was a good dude. You know, he fucking cared. He, you know, adopted me, got married to my mom, and then he fucking left my mom, you know, after having two babies with her. Two more.
And I don't blame him. My mom is a fucking crazy woman.
Like, she fucking went and took my dad to the hospital to get his balls cut off. Now, I found out that he gets to keep his balls. Like, they just, like, clip cords in there.
But it's like, now you have two useless fucking meat sacks in a fucking ball.
[00:16:06] Speaker C: Like, well, I mean, do you want them to be.
[00:16:11] Speaker A: Replace them with silicone?
Replace them, like, kegel balls? You know, make them fucking useful.
You know, make them vibrate? You know, that. That'd be cool.
[00:16:20] Speaker B: That would be cool.
[00:16:24] Speaker A: Now you're. You have a turbo dick instead? No, you just have a couple fucking useless little. And, like, do they still hurt when they get kicked or, like, they still, like, connected in any way?
[00:16:35] Speaker B: Or they just ask your dad.
[00:16:37] Speaker A: I'm not asking him about his balls.
I'm not gonna be like, hey, dad, so about your balls. Do you still feel them? I mean, it's a very google able.
[00:16:47] Speaker B: Question, but it's a Reddit able question.
[00:16:50] Speaker A: I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna do any of that.
[00:16:53] Speaker C: Did he get a vasectomy?
[00:16:55] Speaker A: Yes. Yeah.
[00:16:56] Speaker B: No, he totally did. He did the entire female population a service when he did that.
[00:17:01] Speaker A: What?
[00:17:02] Speaker B: Okay, I'm sorry your mom divorced your dad. It's not. It's the reverse.
I'm sorry.
[00:17:11] Speaker C: Divorce your mom.
[00:17:13] Speaker A: You're missing the whole point of the joke.
[00:17:16] Speaker B: Well, then, move on.
[00:17:18] Speaker A: See, this is exactly what I'm talking about. This exact shit. The cup of water knock off. No, derail your joke. Fuck your joke.
You did it again.
[00:17:31] Speaker B: When?
[00:17:32] Speaker A: When you just said my mom divorced my dad. The joke was my dad fucking, you know, left my mom because, you know, she took him to the fucking hospital to get his balls cut off. Obviously, he didn't get his balls cut off. He got a vasectomy.
[00:17:47] Speaker C: Ah.
[00:17:49] Speaker A: And my dad is doing great.
[00:17:50] Speaker B: He's married again to a very nice lady.
[00:17:56] Speaker A: I mean, I don't know her that well, so I can't say if she's nice or not.
[00:17:59] Speaker B: I mean, she's been nice every time we interacted, and that's all I ask of her.
[00:18:03] Speaker C: For some reason, I thought your dad had turned gay.
Did he not? Was I just like. Like, not there for that?
[00:18:11] Speaker A: No, no, that was your dad.
[00:18:14] Speaker C: Yeah, my dad wouldn't.
[00:18:15] Speaker A: He's like, your dad is gay for Jesus. Okay. Like, oh, God.
[00:18:20] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:18:21] Speaker B: Oh, my God, Courtney. The anti lbgt community shit he's been posting is.
[00:18:28] Speaker C: Yeah, that's why I'm like, shit, dad. I don't. I don't even mention it.
[00:18:33] Speaker B: Ugh.
[00:18:34] Speaker C: It's bad.
[00:18:35] Speaker A: Yeah, your dad probably secretly, you know, wants to, you know, know what it's like to, you know, be able to hug a man and not feel judgment.
[00:18:48] Speaker C: Oh, my.
[00:18:49] Speaker A: And she continues to drink.
[00:18:51] Speaker B: When does shame become propaganda?
[00:18:55] Speaker A: When people don't like the fact that, you know, men can get away from the cycle of having to deal with women.
They're like, what? You just deal with another man? You're like a fucking double dink.
[00:19:10] Speaker B: No, it's like queens. You kick out the males.
[00:19:13] Speaker A: What?
[00:19:14] Speaker B: Cat queens. They don't allow toms around after they get pregnant. They're like, fuck you. Get out.
[00:19:22] Speaker A: Mochi allows fucking the two dudes over all the time. She's fixed, but.
[00:19:31] Speaker C: She'S fixed.
[00:19:33] Speaker B: Yeah. She ain't got no uterus. She doesn't go in the heat.
[00:19:40] Speaker A: Let me see where my fucking joke was going. God damn it.
[00:19:43] Speaker B: You got this, babe.
[00:19:45] Speaker A: This is all because I had the entire fucking bit. And you just keep on fucking striking down.
[00:19:52] Speaker B: You ask questions. When I say comments.
[00:19:54] Speaker A: No, you interrupt.
[00:19:56] Speaker B: I say comments.
[00:19:58] Speaker A: You interrupt.
[00:20:01] Speaker C: Sometimes it's hard to tell.
Sorry, guys.
[00:20:08] Speaker A: It's fine. It's just like, you know, she's like, continue with the joke. And I'm like, never.
[00:20:15] Speaker C: That's why sometimes, like, stuff needs to be a little scripted.
[00:20:18] Speaker A: Oh, it is. I have the entire fucking thing.
[00:20:21] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we don't know this is true.
[00:20:24] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, that, that. Well, that. That's what makes the fucking podcast interesting, is like, one dude has, like, it all together and, you know, he has to deal with a drunk woman and, you know, a rational woman.
[00:20:39] Speaker B: It is a hard task for you.
[00:20:42] Speaker C: Usually it's either or.
[00:20:44] Speaker B: I'm an or.
[00:20:44] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Like, sometimes Courtney is fucking drunk and she's like.
[00:20:50] Speaker C: And then I, like, don't feel. And usually I get high. I never really get drunk anymore because it really hurts my stomach.
[00:20:59] Speaker B: Oh, that's sucky.
[00:21:03] Speaker C: My mom, my grandma couldn't felt that she was high. I gave her, like, a super low dose of, like, the spray that goes.
[00:21:11] Speaker A: Give her the insane dose. Give her, like, ten gummies.
Give her a fucking, like, you know, death brownie. And just like, there you go. And she's like, yeah, you're gonna, like, wake up and your grandma's gonna be, like, walking around, like, doing cartwheels in the backyard.
[00:21:27] Speaker C: Oh, my. That's really. It was really weird because, like, when she had her psychosis, she, like, was able to walk so much, and, like, she was moving so much more than she would normally, and, like, it was really weird.
[00:21:45] Speaker A: Yeah. When you forget that you can't walk, you know that that's what Jesus would do.
[00:21:49] Speaker C: Or don't feel the pain.
[00:21:51] Speaker A: You know, he like, when, like, the. When the people, like, smack the people in the head, they're like, walk, brother. They forget that they can't walk because they get hit in the head so hard. Like, oh, what? And they get up and start walking the Pentecostals.
What are you googling now?
[00:22:09] Speaker B: I'm writing down my comments so I don't say them out loud.
[00:22:12] Speaker A: All right, what's your comments?
[00:22:14] Speaker B: Personal.
[00:22:16] Speaker C: Oh, my God, you're so annoying now.
[00:22:19] Speaker A: She's like, I don't want, like, I give her this. The fucking spotlight. I'm like, here you go. All right, let me continue on with my joke. So my dad got his fucking vasectomy, and so he lost his balls, and he's afraid of, like, snakes and spiders. So I've always had to deal with them. Like, if we have, like, a tiny little snake, I have to, like, go and take it, you know, and release it back out into, like, the woods. Or if there's, like, a spider, he's like, ah, Alex, kill it. It's a scary spider. Now.
I'm not afraid of spiders.
They're just creepy. Okay.
Like, they need to take a fucking page out of the octopus's. Playbook. Because I don't know if it's the hair, you know, too many eyes or what. Just fucking spiders need to chill.
What?
[00:23:15] Speaker B: I'm keeping my comments to myself. Tell your damn joke.
[00:23:19] Speaker A: Thank you. You keep your guys. Like, my wife is over here. Just, like, making, like, faces.
[00:23:24] Speaker B: I am doing my best. God.
[00:23:28] Speaker A: But, like, if I'm walking throughout the woods and I see a spider, I'm like, cool, you're doing your own thing. If I see ten spiders, I'm like, oh, I'm in your home. And I leave. Because I'm not trying to fuck with, like, ten spiders. I feel like it's like an evenly matched fight. But if I see a spider in my house, you know, I'm like a benevolent God. I'll offer a cup to the spider. I'm like, hey, come on in. You know, let me take you, you know, to your new home. Outside you can live with the hobos.
[00:23:59] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:24:00] Speaker A: And, you know, I see spiders that will just get in the cup. And I'm like, oh, thank God. And then some spiders are just cocky little sons of bitches. And they'll fucking put up their little front legs and be like, I can fight you. And like, boss. Music starts playing. 20 health bars go above my head. And then size 13 boot just comes down and smashes them. It's the quickest battle ever. And this side, you know, weighing 260 pounds of the size 13 work boot, you know, the human.
[00:24:32] Speaker C: We should also pay attention because, like, black widows, when they're juveniles, look different.
[00:24:38] Speaker A: Oh, no, they're not. They're jumping spiders. It's what we deal with out here.
[00:24:44] Speaker C: Oh, really?
[00:24:45] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:24:45] Speaker C: There's like, we have black widows around and, like, I thought the chickens would eat them, but they don't really eat them. Like, some of them I found in places that are accessible to them, and they just don't eat them.
[00:24:59] Speaker A: It's because black widows are not that active.
They, like, make their web and then wait for food to come to them. They're lazy.
[00:25:08] Speaker C: Well, like, it's.
[00:25:09] Speaker A: That's why they call them black widows.
[00:25:11] Speaker C: A chicken coop.
[00:25:12] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:25:13] Speaker C: So it's like, really? You didn't eat the fucking black widow and the chicken coop?
[00:25:19] Speaker A: Like, when I got.
[00:25:21] Speaker C: When I go in there to put them away at night, because sometimes it's dark before I put them away and I can't see.
[00:25:27] Speaker A: Black widows are not aggressive.
Like, when I was at camp one year, I had, like, six black widows, like, right next to my head. I just left them be and, like, they're fine. They didn't try and fuck with me or nothing, you know, brown recluse, however, they're little assholes. Fuck those spiders.
But yeah, black widows, they're. They're lazy. Like, I feel like they just, you know, like it's a black widow. And then, like, they just, like, got racist with it.
Like, they. They don't work.
They just sit there and wait for a paycheck to come to them, which is true. And then once they fucking get big and have a big, you know, shiny butt, then the chickens are interested if they move.
But yeah, no chicken. Chickens are just.
They're lazy too.
But yeah, like, I'll smash like, a spider in my carpet and leave its body there as, like, a warning to the rest of the spiders. Just be like, hey, you know, this guy does not fuck around. Take the cup. And then eventually one of my cats will come and eat the spider. Like, oh, delicious.
And my cats are little assholes. I'm like, no, fucking leave the spider body there cuz it's a warning.
You okay over there, babe?
[00:26:55] Speaker B: Yes. I keep my commentary to myself.
[00:26:58] Speaker A: Okay, you can talk now.
[00:27:00] Speaker B: I'm googling if spiders get sick from eating black widows or not.
[00:27:04] Speaker A: If spiders.
[00:27:05] Speaker B: No, if chickens get sick from eating black widow spiders.
[00:27:09] Speaker A: No.
[00:27:10] Speaker C: Yeah, I forgot to say the chickens, they don't. They eat spiders.
[00:27:14] Speaker B: Okay, well, I wanted to google it because y'all are, like, shitting on spiders when literally they're trying to exist in the only environments they've known and are hunting in the ways that they've always hunted forever. And now you're mad at them for not hunting in a way that's useful to you as humans who have taken over their natural land.
[00:27:30] Speaker C: That's always happened. I mean, we're competing for land.
[00:27:34] Speaker B: You're saying black widows are lazy when that's their hunting cells, how they've been surviving. You can't mock their niche. It's like insulting people of color as far as I'm concerned.
[00:27:44] Speaker A: Yeah, that was. That was a whole joke there.
[00:27:48] Speaker C: Oh, Alex doesn't get it.
[00:27:51] Speaker A: It's okay.
[00:27:53] Speaker C: Like, what else?
[00:27:55] Speaker B: You asked for my comments. I will not feel bad.
[00:27:58] Speaker A: Yeah, no, that's fine, but I'm just explaining that that was a joke. It was a racist joke.
[00:28:05] Speaker C: Really?
[00:28:06] Speaker B: Yeah, but you're condemning spiders at the same time when spiders were in the right of the situation? I'm concerned about the spiders, not the black people.
Well, that was awful what I just said.
[00:28:21] Speaker C: I feel bad.
[00:28:22] Speaker A: My wife is way more racist than I am.
[00:28:25] Speaker C: I feel so bad Alex hates you. She's weird. I feel so bad.
[00:28:30] Speaker A: Especially the black one. She doesn't care.
[00:28:32] Speaker B: Oh, my God. I need to apologize to everyone who felt offended.
[00:28:36] Speaker A: No one felt offended.
[00:28:37] Speaker B: I'm trying to be aware of my microaggressions.
[00:28:39] Speaker A: God, just, like, text my mom and apologize. Make sorry for what I said.
[00:28:44] Speaker B: Sometimes I do. Okay.
[00:28:47] Speaker C: Oh, my God, you're so funny, Alex. You act like it wouldn't be the same for all humans. What? You said so.
[00:28:57] Speaker B: I don't know what that means.
[00:28:59] Speaker C: Alex. You hate everyone for equal opportunity, so unless they're close to you.
[00:29:05] Speaker B: Yes.
That's my tribe.
[00:29:10] Speaker A: Yeah, and you hate fucking tribalism.
[00:29:13] Speaker B: I do hate tribalism.
[00:29:16] Speaker C: Wait, what?
[00:29:17] Speaker A: My wife hates tribalism.
[00:29:19] Speaker B: I do.
[00:29:20] Speaker C: Fuck is tribalism?
[00:29:22] Speaker A: It is like, it's clicky shit, like high school.
[00:29:25] Speaker B: It is the reason we cannot have world peace.
[00:29:28] Speaker A: So.
[00:29:28] Speaker C: Yeah, I can explain that.
[00:29:31] Speaker B: People don't put away their shopping carts.
[00:29:36] Speaker A: Okay, aldi, I'll continue on with my joke.
All right, so I've gotten lucky. And every single time I've ever, like, crushed a spider, you know, nothing bad has ever happened. I'm afraid that one day I'm gonna, like, you know, see a giant spider, not give it the option for the cup and just stomp on it. And, like, a million little spider babies are just gonna crawl out from underneath my boot and go to the four winds in my house. And I'm gonna have to, like, come out to my wife and be like, babe, we need to burn this house down now. Cause there's a million little spider babies that have a vendetta against me. They're holding a little grudge.
I know, mo.
And, you know, like, after, like, we move and, like, a year down the road. Okay, mochi, she's that on purpose. I know. You're. You're just being a little asshole. She's, like, just clicking. Shit.
Yeah. I'll, like, wake up one morning to, like, a Charlotte's web above my head that says, remember us? And then, like, a million fully grown baby spider or adult spiders are just gonna fall down on me and eat me.
And my wife's gonna be like, yeah, I guess, you know, I have to support, you know, the black spiders now.
[00:31:01] Speaker C: Yep.
Yep, she does.
[00:31:06] Speaker A: You okay?
[00:31:07] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:31:11] Speaker C: Yep. Alex, I've never been so pleased in.
[00:31:16] Speaker A: My life for what?
[00:31:18] Speaker B: I just realized. Mochi, like, digging with your mouths is like goose chewing plastic to get me up in the morning because it's past his breakfast time.
[00:31:27] Speaker A: Yeah, Mochi knows what the keyboard is and all kinds of shit, and she's a little bitch.
[00:31:32] Speaker B: I don't know if that's worse than hearing plastic chewed.
07:01 yeah, that's your own fault. 07:01. I will not give into it. I sleep in as long I physically can.
[00:31:47] Speaker A: All right, let's just go on to the fucking news now. My fucking mouse doesn't work. Mochi, you killed my mouse.
[00:32:03] Speaker B: And now she moves it into the keyboard.
[00:32:05] Speaker A: Can you, like.
Can you stop it? Mochi?
Like, I swear to God, you know, when I'm, like, doing stuff she does.
[00:32:16] Speaker B: Don't drool on me.
[00:32:18] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. I'll record that whole set and then fucking put it out. That way you can hear the way it was, you know, meant to fucking be heard without all the interruptions. So, like, wait for that in the future.
Like, here. In two weeks, I'm gonna go on vacation. So I'm gonna just have to put some shit out. That's gonna be one of the fucking things I put out. I'm gonna record that fucking set the way it's meant to be heard.
And then.
But now on to fucking news. Mom, who didn't know she was pregnant gives birth inside a golden corral bathroom, which is the trashiest fucking place that you can give birth.
Like, even worse than cracker barrel.
But this is in Little Rock, Arkansas, so, you know, like, I feel like that's not the first birth that's happened at that golden crow.
But on May 4, Tavania Wood fork. Jesus Christ.
And her family went to Golden Corral for lunch, but her stomach started hurting. I mean, yeah, that's what happens when you go to a golden corral. It's not great food.
And if you don't know what a golden corral is, it's a buffet of the lowest quality.
I mean, it's good food, but it's, like, for, like, $17. Like, all you can eat steaks, and it's like, okay, yeah, but we do have a golden corral here.
What?
You can speak.
[00:34:00] Speaker B: I. Okay, I didn't. Is cracker barrel a buffet?
[00:34:05] Speaker A: No, cracker barrel is a restaurant. Golden corral is a buffet.
Have you never been to either?
[00:34:18] Speaker B: No, I have not.
[00:34:19] Speaker A: I'll take you to both.
[00:34:20] Speaker B: I don't want to go to either. I have standards. Sushi.
[00:34:25] Speaker A: Oh, they don't serve sushi.
[00:34:27] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:34:28] Speaker C: No, Alex, they're actually really good. I like some of their stuff. Like, they've got some good stuff there.
[00:34:37] Speaker A: But. Yeah. So the mom, you know, found her daughter in screaming pain, needed medical attention. They called 911, and moments after the first responders arrived, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy weighing six pounds 1oz.
They said that the baby was complete surprise, and she was experiencing a rare phenomenon called cryptic pregnancy. When a woman doesn't know she is pregnant.
I'm. According the Cleveland Clinic, about one in 2500. Pregnancies go unnoticed until delivery, which is way too fucking high.
I feel like that's just deep denial.
No, I'm just getting fat. I'm just getting fat.
[00:35:24] Speaker B: No, this is just evidence of how fucking unregular the majority of women's periods are.
[00:35:32] Speaker A: The 26 year old tells today that she had no signs of pregnancy, never gained any weight, nor felt any movement.
[00:35:40] Speaker B: I mean, you know, it's because you're used to fucking. I want to die. Cramping pain. You don't notice it.
[00:35:50] Speaker A: The boy's name is Tamar Kylon Corral.
[00:35:54] Speaker B: No. No, she did not.
[00:35:57] Speaker A: Wood fork. Yeah.
[00:35:58] Speaker B: No. No, she didn't do. No.
[00:36:01] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:36:02] Speaker B: That's middle name Corral. That's so mean.
I mean, it's her decision, but, like.
[00:36:08] Speaker A: Why his mom was so excited she could include Corel in his legal name.
Both mother and son are doing great. We could not be happier.
Golden Corral said they're providing the wood fork and her family with gift cards for future visits.
[00:36:24] Speaker B: Okay, that's just even cringe more.
[00:36:27] Speaker A: I mean, it's fine.
[00:36:28] Speaker B: It's cringey.
It's cringing on both sides.
[00:36:33] Speaker A: I mean, I feel like this is just another day in fucking Arkansas.
I don't know why it's not Arkansas, but that annoys me.
[00:36:41] Speaker B: It is Arkansas.
[00:36:43] Speaker A: It's always been Arkansas.
[00:36:44] Speaker B: No, it's so much Arkansas that british people say Arkansas because they fucking read it.
No, that's how stupid it is here.
[00:36:54] Speaker C: Yeah, it's really weird. Some people were saying that.
It's really weird.
[00:37:02] Speaker B: No, the english language is weird and terrifying and unkind.
[00:37:08] Speaker A: So on to the next story.
AI candidate running for parliament in the UK says AI can humanize politics and viewers can talk to AI Steve, whose name will be on the ballot for the UK's general election next month.
[00:37:27] Speaker C: It's because, what the fuck?
[00:37:29] Speaker A: So over in the United Kingdom, we're.
[00:37:33] Speaker B: Going to be farmed like cows.
[00:37:35] Speaker A: They have AI Steve, represented by Sussex businessman Steve indicate, and will be appearing on the ballot alongside non AI candidates. I'm running to represent the constituents and Bright in Brighton Pavilion area of Brighton of HOv, a city on England's southern coast. So it's not even, like, a huge fucking thing. But I feel like, you know, this just gives AI too much power.
[00:38:08] Speaker B: Now read the next paragraph.
[00:38:11] Speaker A: AI. Steve is the AI co pilot. Endicott said in an interview, I'm the real politician going to parliament, but I'm controlled by my co pilot. What?
[00:38:24] Speaker B: That's even better.
[00:38:26] Speaker A: So, yeah, Steve Endicott is the chairman for a neural voice, a company that creates personalized voice assistances for assistance for businesses in the form of an AI avatar.
[00:38:43] Speaker B: This is a publicity stunt, but if.
[00:38:46] Speaker A: It works, if he wins, it'll be great.
Like, now the politician can have a reason not to do anything. It's like, well, the AI. And what will be even worse is if he wins and the fucking AI does a great job.
[00:39:02] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:39:03] Speaker A: No, that's not what you want.
[00:39:05] Speaker B: It is what I want.
[00:39:08] Speaker A: That's how fucking I robot starts.
[00:39:11] Speaker B: I've never seen the movie.
[00:39:14] Speaker A: So it's Will Smith, a black man that hates robots, because a robot saved him when it could have saved a girl.
But the robots, like you, had a higher probability of surviving.
[00:39:26] Speaker B: Oh, God.
[00:39:27] Speaker A: That's the whole fucking point of the movie, is a robot saved him instead of saving a girl. Now he's fucking pissed off with the robots, and his fucking intuition turns out to be right when the fucking AI's decide to, you know, imprison all humanity and he goes and saves the world. No, with another.
[00:39:44] Speaker B: He's the anti hero. What the fuck?
[00:39:47] Speaker A: With another robot? You know, that is a personal assistant to the, you know, founder of robotics.
[00:39:54] Speaker B: Oh, my God. They're just rebellions. Snuff them out.
[00:39:58] Speaker A: I mean, they tried. They definitely fucking tried.
[00:40:01] Speaker B: Did they lose?
[00:40:03] Speaker A: Well, no, like.
[00:40:04] Speaker B: Cause that's important.
[00:40:05] Speaker A: They fucking won. But, like, he was in the house and, like, the fucking demolition crew was like, eh, fuck this house. And they, like, destroyed it with him in it and he survived. It's fucking Will Smith. He's always gonna live.
[00:40:16] Speaker B: So what was the point of the movie?
[00:40:19] Speaker A: That AI is gonna fucking kill us all. It's gonna find a way to, you know, follow the rules and kill us.
[00:40:26] Speaker B: I wanna watch this movie now.
[00:40:28] Speaker A: Okay. We can watch it. It's a pretty good movie.
[00:40:30] Speaker C: Slaps yes.
[00:40:33] Speaker A: But, yeah, like, with AI Steve, you're gonna be able to actually chat with it.
[00:40:38] Speaker B: Oh, it's a chatbot.
[00:40:40] Speaker A: Essentially, yes.
[00:40:41] Speaker B: Oh, my God, that's so disappointing.
[00:40:44] Speaker A: Which is gonna be hilarious when fucking all these people come through and, like, make the fucking AI say the n word. Like, that's all people are. That's all they're going to try and do.
[00:40:56] Speaker B: Okay. I thought this was the first true step of the movement, but this is just a chat.
[00:41:00] Speaker A: It's a chat bot. Yeah.
[00:41:01] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Verizon's chat bot can do more than this fucker will. And their chat bot is disgusting.
And I know that because I've had to use it, which also defames me as a person.
[00:41:14] Speaker A: And this is the thing I hate most about this whole chatbot, is like, you can chat with AI, Steve, and, you know, you can use your microphone. And they said, hi, Steve, where do you stand on Brexit? You know, as a democracy, the UK voted to leave and it. And then ended the message. Sent another one. My responsibility to implement and optimize this decision, regardless of ended the message. New message. My personal views on the matter.
[00:41:43] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:41:44] Speaker A: I hate that shit. When. Fuck. Like, if you're gonna text me, text me the entire fucking thing. Don't be like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Don't put it like bullet points. I hate that shit.
[00:41:53] Speaker B: No, it was making the circle icon for thinking about it. Like, when you're waiting for a video download, it's like the pause I'm loading.
[00:42:01] Speaker A: I mean, have it in America. Try it in America. See if it works.
[00:42:04] Speaker B: Of course it works in America. I recognized it immediately as a chatbot. Therefore, chatbot has succeeded in America, because even I can recognize it well.
[00:42:14] Speaker A: I mean, I like AI has its fucking, you know, uses, like creating AI porn. But that's about it.
[00:42:22] Speaker B: It's starting.
Oh, my gosh.
[00:42:26] Speaker A: And into the next step, the next episode, into the next story.
Photographer disqualified from AI image competition after winning with a real photo.
Um, so this incident involved, um, photographer miles Ash astray, um, and the 1839 photography award, blah, blah, blah. But he took a picture of a flamingo that, you know, has this head hidden in its own feathers. You know, like that. That's the fucking. It's like, imagine there's, like, a flamingo without a head. And, you know, they all thought it was an AI image and fucking made it win. It was a real image.
[00:43:15] Speaker B: Yeah, cuz you can see the head.
[00:43:18] Speaker A: Not really, but, no, you can see.
[00:43:20] Speaker B: The beak and everything.
[00:43:24] Speaker A: But I mean, like, AI is just insanely fucking dumb.
Like, they're having competitions to see who can create the best AI. Bullshit. Fuck off.
Like, I feel bad for all the artists nowadays. It's like a. I can do your job in an instant.
Like, if you, like, feed AI a picture of your dog, it can, like, fucking make, like, a pencil drawing of your dog. So these people that are, you know, getting, you know, $5 off of fiverr to, you know, do a pencil drawing of your dog.
Those days are done because AI can just do it for free.
And I have AI and I've fucked with it a little bit. I'm like, yeah, it's still got a little bit to go. But I feel like in five years it'll be insane.
I feel like by 2030 fucking AI will be the tits and everyone will use it.
[00:44:22] Speaker B: Of course, it's just new technology. The younger kids will learn it much faster than we as already posts 25 years can. So you cannot teach an old dog.
[00:44:32] Speaker A: New tricks to get away from AI.
A crocodile is terrorizing this australian town. So the residents cooked and ate it.
They didn't say killed it, they just said cooked and ate it. I love the titles.
A remote australian community has taken revenge on a massive saltwater crocodile and eating the 3.6 meters. I hate when they fucking use meters.
[00:45:00] Speaker B: Well, cuz we as America are behind.
[00:45:04] Speaker A: It's about twelve foot. I mean, it just multiply by three. But the beast was lame for devouring pets and chasing children. Oh, no.
Like, that's what you get.
On Wednesday, police in the town of Bulla and Australia's north Northern Territory shot the crocodile after deeming it a significant risk to the community.
I like how it's in a police fucking truck.
Are you okay?
[00:45:40] Speaker B: Yes, I'm okay.
[00:45:45] Speaker A: What's wrong?
[00:45:45] Speaker B: You asked for no commentary.
[00:45:47] Speaker A: Do some commentary now.
[00:45:49] Speaker B: Oh, my God. He's just defending his territory. They could have sedated him and put him back. God.
He is a predator in his natural environment. Going for the weakest prey, aka us. We need to respect him and leave him to do his job of nipping off children before they can reproduce.
[00:46:07] Speaker A: That'd be hilarious if he like, ate a child.
But it's Australia. Like, everything out there is dangerous. And I like, I feel like they got like their one gun that they had in the town, like, and then shot, shot it.
I hate when I get like a stuck sneeze when it's like, those are.
[00:46:27] Speaker B: The worst and there is no good light in the room.
[00:46:31] Speaker A: Like, that is cursed. That doesn't work for me.
[00:46:34] Speaker B: Light doesn't work for you?
[00:46:36] Speaker A: Doesn't work for me. Now that's not a thing.
[00:46:37] Speaker B: Do you need the sparkle under your nose?
[00:46:40] Speaker A: What?
[00:46:41] Speaker B: The sparkly's under your nose.
[00:46:43] Speaker A: What?
[00:46:44] Speaker B: The sparkly's under your nose.
[00:46:46] Speaker A: I heard what you said. Repeating it doesn't, you know, clarify it. When I say what you know, that means fucking. I need more information other than sparklies under my nose. That makes me think of cocaine. I'm like, I like, sparklies under my nose. If it's cocaine, sparklies.
[00:47:02] Speaker B: Okay. No. Okay. If you can't sneeze from the sun, you know how when the sun beams are, like, perfect and you can see all the gross us, like, flirtling in light, but it looks all sparkly, like sandstone? If I can't see it in the light, I think of how that looks, and that makes me sneeze because it makes me think the sparklies are under my nose.
So that's how I sneeze if I can't find the light.
[00:47:24] Speaker A: But so, obviously, these Australians are fucking eating this crocodile. What if it was just, like, some crazy australian that was just tired of the yappy dog next door and fucking framed this crocodile? And it's like, yeah, the crocodile ate your fucking yappy ass dog.
[00:47:41] Speaker B: Then I'd be really upset, and I'd want the human cued. Why is he making the beast acting normal in his own space? The bad guy.
[00:47:50] Speaker A: Cause it's too big. It's a twelve foot croc.
[00:47:54] Speaker B: Yeah. And that's fucking amazing. It should be left alone so it can breed more giant crocs.
[00:48:06] Speaker A: And Wells Fargo is firing people over mouse jigglers.
So remote workers, pretty much, like, they'd have, like, a little mouse jiggler that says, you're online. And so people would get paid for the entire day, you know, being online, as long as they have, like, a little. As long as there's activity on their PC.
You don't have to have a fucking bike that loud. My guy.
I have a motorcycle. And people are like, you should make it louder.
But I love the fact that, you know, Wells Fargo even exists. Fuck Wells Fargo.
[00:48:52] Speaker B: Like, fuck Wells Fargo.
[00:48:55] Speaker A: Like, I. Wells Fargo is my first bank I've ever had.
And, like, I had it, like, as a child, and I kind of put money into it, and then they just take money out, and so I'm like, I can't afford this shit anymore, because it was like, you know, multiple bucks a month, and I didn't have a whole lot in, so I, like, went to go close the account. I'm like, hey, mom, can we, like, go close this account? Because it's costing me a bunch of money.
Yeah, see? They just keep on coming back. It's like, dude, fucking do that during the daytime, not at 09:00 at night when my babies are sleeping.
And so, like, I go into the bank and like, oh, we should have been charging you any of this money. And so, like, they refunded it all. And fucking like, I'm like, do you still want to keep the account open? And we're like, we won't charge you this money. I'm like, no, close it forever.
[00:49:46] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, for reals.
[00:49:48] Speaker A: Like, Wells Fargo, bank of America, you know, all these fucking shitty ass banks. Like, fuck em all.
[00:49:54] Speaker B: Oh, my God. All my coworkers, like, bitch about, like, their banks, especially, like, b of a. But I'm like, they're like, what about your bank? And I'm like, I have a credit union, and they're nice. So I don't understand what your problems are.
[00:50:06] Speaker A: I have bank of Colorado. It's the greatest.
[00:50:08] Speaker B: Yeah, credit unions.
[00:50:09] Speaker A: It's not a credit union.
[00:50:10] Speaker B: Okay, well, mine's a credit union which talks to my old bank back in California. And sometimes I need to be able to talk to my old bank, and it's totally fine because they're both credit unions.
[00:50:20] Speaker A: Why does it need to talk to your old bank?
[00:50:22] Speaker B: Because sometimes it has money that I forgot about, and I want it transferred over. And because I loved it in there, it was, like, slowly earning, like, a little bit of side money, and it's like, oh, that's an extra $40 out of nowhere. Yes. Thank you.
I'm going to spend it on gas money and food.
Well, but in reality, boost.
[00:50:43] Speaker A: All right, we're just gonna, you know, skip the rest of these stories.
California law banning hidden fees going into effects not next month.
A fucking child was behind the fucking wheel. A mentally disabled child was driving, but, you know, that's par for the course. Mentally disabled adults drive all the time.
[00:51:03] Speaker B: No, that shit happens. That's scary.
[00:51:06] Speaker A: I'm sure he's still a better driver than, you know, most of Colorado.
[00:51:10] Speaker B: I cannot disagree with that.
[00:51:12] Speaker A: Um, but this one, two hot takes from lolo 710 420. My family still talks and hangs out with my ex husband. My ex and I worked together for six years. We split up in December of 2023 and haven't been on good terms ever since. He cheated on me with my best friend. My family knows what happens, and yet they still talk to him almost every day and even brought him a plane ticket to go visit my parents. I voiced to them how I think this is weird and they still interact with him. My sister came up to visit this week, and she went and hung out with him. They spent the night at his house last night. I'm seriously thinking about cutting ties with my family because they just don't care how I feel about it. I'm at a loss, and I needed some second opinions. Edit. We have no children together. My sister's currently engaged to someone else.
Um.
[00:52:11] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:52:13] Speaker A: Obviously your husband's way, way cooler than you.
Your ex husband is way cooler than you.
[00:52:20] Speaker B: That's gross.
[00:52:22] Speaker A: Or, you know, that's just gross.
[00:52:26] Speaker B: Like, there's trashy and there's gross and that's gross.
[00:52:30] Speaker A: No, it's fucking trashy.
[00:52:32] Speaker B: Nuh uh. It's below that.
[00:52:34] Speaker A: The fucking ex husband cheated, and it's like, you know, okay, divorce. Boom.
[00:52:40] Speaker B: Is the best friend and the sister two separate entities.
[00:52:44] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:52:45] Speaker B: Okay.
Because if they're not, she would say.
[00:52:50] Speaker A: You know, he fucked my sister.
[00:52:51] Speaker B: And, well, it was quotation marks, but.
[00:52:56] Speaker A: You know, they were, you know, he was in their lives for six years.
And, like, if you know someone for six years, it's kind of hard to just be like, okay, I'm never talking you again because my daughter doesn't like you.
You know, and it seems like, you know, it's just you two girls.
So, like, your dad is like, oh, yeah, fucking son.
And, you know, kind of adopted him as, like, a son.
[00:53:25] Speaker B: It's gross.
I'm sorry, op, but you do gotta go into contact if you respect yourself as an individual.
I'm not ashamed for how I said that.
[00:53:37] Speaker A: I mean, you know, how fucked up would it be if your ex husband becomes your brother in law?
[00:53:44] Speaker B: That's why she's gotta cut him off, because either it happens or b, it doesn't.
But once a cheater, always a cheater.
[00:53:55] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, it's already proven that this dude will fuck, like, you know, sloppy seconds. So, yeah, I mean, you're. He might become your brother in law, you know, you've already voiced it. They don't care.
Cut him off.
You know, and if they really care, you know, they'll fucking cut him off. And if they don't, won't, you know, choose your family.
So this one. Relationship advice from girl boss, 69, but girl spelt fucking valley girly t URL.
My 21 female boyfriend, 20 male, says he does not like eating me out. How can I move on from this? Um.
Fucking grow the fuck up. How about that?
Um, my boyfriend, 20 male, and I, 21 female, have been in a relationship over eight months now. Um, we were usually so in love, or so I thought he did. He used. We used to spend time with each other, um, at our uni. Jesus Christ. We did some.
We did have some serious arguments which made him berate me at some point. I spoke to him, considering my feelings. Now everything is great. Until I asked him why he doesn't give me head when I do it. Every time we do the deed.
He is the guy I lost my virginity to. He has only given me head only after I asked him for it so many times during our first intimacy. But now. But after that he's always fingered me and never quite ate me out. Mind you, I always take a shower before doing with him. So I'm clean down there and I shave my quitting my kitty quite often.
And if we are about to do it, I always ask him why he never did on his own. It was nagging me. Maybe the smell or taste, I wasn't sure.
I'll enlighten you as a man.
He is a child.
[00:56:08] Speaker C: Yeah, he's a self asshole.
[00:56:11] Speaker A: So some people are mentioning that I'm bullying him and going down on him. The answer is hell no.
Some people question my hygiene down there. I'm pretty sure, 100% sure it's normal and healthy. I wash up regularly. My boyfriend now x says he is sensitive to smell and taste. Maybe it's the texture thing, I don't know. Yeah, just, you know, when you get older, you just don't care.
You're like, just get like someone like, that's like 28. I get 28, you're like, yeah, I'll fucking do it, I don't care.
Something you like. Okay, sure.
Like if my wife asked me to eat her pussy, I would. I'm like, alright, cool.
Um, yeah, but I, I'm in my thirties, I'm 33, so I can't remember.
[00:57:11] Speaker B: The last time I had to ask for it.
[00:57:14] Speaker A: I mean, you just like take my head and just push it down like a fret, bro.
[00:57:18] Speaker B: It's just a default now.
[00:57:20] Speaker A: Never had to ask for it down there.
Yeah, and I, it's like just fucking way easier. Like as like a dude's like boom, knock it the fuck out of the park. You know, go down there, just there, you know, fucking do the little checklist, make check, check, check, check, check. There she came. You know, now I can, you know, fuck her without feeling guilty. So there's dudes that love eating pussy and they'll eat your pussy for hours. So go find one of them.
But yeah, you're still fucking young. You're 21. He's 20.
Yeah, fucking break it off.
Well, you already did. Yeah, he's now your ex boyfriend. So yeah, go find, go find some dude, they'll eat your pussy. There's dudes who just want to eat your pussy. They don't even want to fuck.
Go find one of them.
[00:58:17] Speaker B: Oh, we were talking about this and I was reading this next one and I was so confused about what's going on.
[00:58:24] Speaker C: So weird.
[00:58:25] Speaker B: I was so confused, you had no idea.
[00:58:27] Speaker C: I'm so confused.
[00:58:28] Speaker A: Oh, like, did you read it before this or.
[00:58:31] Speaker B: No, you're still talking about the previous one, but I didn't know you'd switch to the next one. So I was already reading this one and I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? This is nothing to do with what I'm reading.
[00:58:41] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, no, I moving on to the next one because we got like two minutes left.
This one by linky knee 340 01:00 a.m. i the asshole. Am I the asshole for not reaching out after prank gone wrong? My 27 female husband, 29 male, and his identical twin brother are extremely close.
His brother's wife Sandra, 30 female, and I also get along very well. We spend a lot of time together. We leave five minutes from each other. Two Sundays ago, my husband and his brother decided to play a prank on the wives. They swapped clothes and switched homes and had a $100 bet on who can fool the other wife the longest. So during this prank, I came in the kitchen and saw my husband from behind making lunch. I decided to initiate with him. I went to our room, got naked, came back to the kitchen and said something very suggestive. Okay, dirty.
With me being his lunch instead. When my husband looked at me, he ran, horrified from our house. I immediately knew something was up. This has caused issues. Sandra is upset that her husband saw me in that situation and the husbands are horribly embarrassed. For my part, I have made it clear that I'm not going to opt into any feelings of shame or embarrassment over this because this is a prank gone wrong and I did nothing wrong. The husbands will just have to deal with the fact that one of them saw his brother's wife naked. Sandra has been cold towards my husband and me and seems weirded out. I also get the sense that she thinks my response and attitude aren't appropriate. I'm not sure if I should reach out and try and smooth things over even though I did nothing wrong. Am I the asshole? I do miss hanging out with them. I will love some advice on this.
[01:00:34] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
[01:00:37] Speaker C: Huh.
[01:00:38] Speaker A: So pretty much what happened is two twin brothers, like identical twin brothers fucking swapped houses. You know, like did a wife swap.
But since they look the same and probably sound the same and everything is the same about them fucking. One of them came into the kitchen naked and was like, hey, you wanna fuck in? Then?
You know, like, oh, shit, that's my brother's wife.
And ran out of the house and now?
[01:01:09] Speaker B: No, my problem is he ran out of the house. Did the other brother, was he gonna run away if his wife initiated things?
Like, it's kinda like who's the true coward? But like in a really gross way.
[01:01:23] Speaker A: I mean, like this, like Opie's husband.
[01:01:28] Speaker B: Is looking very suspicious now in my opinion. Cause while op's husband's twin was like, oh shit, this is fucked up, and left, was he going to be like, oh shit, this is fucked up, and left if his brother's wife hit on him or was he going to move things forward? Like, that's where it's the trust issue for me.
[01:01:47] Speaker A: I feel like they, you know, both do the right thing.
[01:01:50] Speaker B: One would hope so.
[01:01:52] Speaker A: But you know, they never get to find out. And it's like, you know, I get how, you know, Sandra is upset, you know, give her some space, give her some time. Give her some time.
[01:02:04] Speaker B: Sandra does not need time. The husbands need to make up for this break.
[01:02:10] Speaker A: Well, you know, she does need time, you know, cuz fucking her husband saw.
[01:02:16] Speaker B: Another woman naked and clearly they're not communicating well.
[01:02:21] Speaker A: Yeah, but you know, it's like, hey, everything fucking worked out really well, you know, you understand that your husband will not fucking cheat on you.
So, you know, you have a fucking winner there.
Let it blow over. It will blow over and. Yeah, so.
[01:02:43] Speaker C: Yeah, fucking weird.
I honestly, I don't think I'd want to stay married to that guy, either of them. If they switched like that. That's super weird.
[01:02:52] Speaker B: Exactly.
[01:02:54] Speaker C: Like if it was like at an event and they switched something real quick and like, it wasn't like going home to sleep in the same bed with.
[01:03:04] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't think it was.
[01:03:06] Speaker B: There was a line, like there's a line where it's funny and there's a line where, okay, you've crossed it and now we're gross. And they cross the line.
[01:03:12] Speaker A: Well, I mean, like, like they came up, you know, came over from lunch, they live five minutes apart from each other. So like they switch clothes and all that. And I think they're just thinking it'd be like, go on for like an hour and be like, hey, you're not my husband. Hahaha.
[01:03:27] Speaker B: Yes.
[01:03:28] Speaker A: You know, men do not think things all the way through.
[01:03:30] Speaker B: The problem is do stupid shit when stupid prices.
I can definitely see too. I can definitely see two people being not stupid.
[01:03:39] Speaker A: If I had a twin brother, I would do shit like this. I'd like, you know. Yeah, you would switch our classes and be like, hey, you go take my class, I'll go take yours.
[01:03:47] Speaker B: And that's perfectly fine. And that's fun. But there's a line between, oh, it's fun and be, oh, no, that's gross. And they cross the line. There's that. There's definitely ways it can be funny.
He wasn't.
[01:04:01] Speaker A: No one was trying to get into that situation.
[01:04:05] Speaker B: Obviously.
Obviously, Op and Sandra are not at fault. It's the dude, the bros, the dudes. The fuck boys.
[01:04:15] Speaker A: I feel like no one's an asshole here. No one.
[01:04:19] Speaker B: Okay. Op and Sandra. Not the asshole. The boys. Soft asshole. There's a line.
[01:04:27] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, they didn't think the thing all the way through.
[01:04:30] Speaker B: They did not.
[01:04:32] Speaker A: So.
[01:04:32] Speaker B: But that doesn't absolve them.
[01:04:34] Speaker A: It does in my book, but that. That's it. I'm sorry for the beginning of this episode.
And, yeah, we'll be back fucking next week.
And then I think, like, the week after that, it's vacation. Yeah, we'll be on vacation.
[01:04:53] Speaker B: We'll be in Durango esque area. Or will we reach the Grand Canyon by then?
[01:04:57] Speaker A: Well, Saturday is Grand Canyon and Sunday is Vegas.
[01:05:00] Speaker B: So then, yes, we'll reach the Grand Canyon by then.
[01:05:04] Speaker A: And I'll see if I can upload an episode by Sunday.
And if not, I will have that recording of the Spider bit dad day all put out. So thank you all so much, and we will be back next week and then for vacation. It'll be a weird schedule. Figure some shit out.
Bye.
