The Mouse is Loose

[00:00:00] Speaker A: It's alrighty. Alrighty, everyone. Welcome back. We haven't fucking did an episode in like two weeks, but we are all back. It's a new year and it's the first episode of season four. So, I mean, I guess I'll try like 2% harder. I mean, it's like when you, like, see a pretty girl that you're like, I really want to, like, try and impress her. And you're like, throw like 2% extra at that dick game, but you come early anyway. It's like, fuck. Oh, no. And then you get married. It's like, oh, it worked out that 2% fucking counted. Trust. It's a nightmare for men out here when we want to throw good dick game and our dick is like, hey, terrible tangles and terrible news. You're about to come and your dick isn't even on your pants yet, so that sucks for you. She's rubbing your leg and kissing you and it's like, oh, no, I'm jizzing in my pants. And she's definitely going to smell it. [00:01:19] Speaker B: Oh, God. [00:01:22] Speaker A: I mean, jizz is like the worst smell in the world. [00:01:25] Speaker C: It is disgusting. [00:01:26] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:30] Speaker A: It'S like more offensive than getting spit on is just getting comed on. And women love it. Sure, babe. Do you enjoy it? When I. [00:01:43] Speaker C: During the moment, yes, it is hot. But afterwards there is so much regret. And then I forget. [00:01:49] Speaker A: Then she goes to therapy and it's like my husband came on me again. It's a terrible day. [00:01:56] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:57] Speaker A: But we are back and we're doing it big. So we have news stories. We have. Am I the assholes? We have relationship advice. All kinds of fun shit. [00:02:17] Speaker B: Wow, you really are working. [00:02:19] Speaker A: Yeah, tons. Honestly, I fucking just set all this up in last 15 minutes. But I did have the stories in mind, so I had to google the fucking stories. So just know that. So white girls everywhere that are underage are rejoicing today because White Claw has released a 0% non alcoholic premium seltzer. [00:02:50] Speaker B: Oh, that's amazing. [00:02:52] Speaker C: Yes, because it's no fun when everyone around you is drinking white claw and you're sober. [00:03:00] Speaker A: So now you can pretend to be drunk. I'm getting drunk. A non alcoholic white claw. [00:03:07] Speaker B: Honestly, that's really easy to mix up and stuff. So they could probably. [00:03:12] Speaker C: No, it says it on the bottle. [00:03:13] Speaker A: It says it all over the fucking thing. [00:03:15] Speaker C: Like big ass numbers. [00:03:17] Speaker A: It says 0% alcohol by volume. Non alcoholic. And at the lip it says non alk, so you're fucking good. All like big letters. [00:03:30] Speaker C: Bigger than the name of the flavor it's the first thing you see when you look at it. [00:03:36] Speaker A: And I don't know why white claw would fucking do this. It's like, oh, cool, I can get a Gatorade or a fucking white claw. Non alcoholic. [00:03:49] Speaker B: Wow. [00:03:50] Speaker A: Now I do know people that are going through recovery and have been alcoholics and are still going through recovery. Good for them. I fully support it 100%. I want you to do what is best for your life, but don't go and fucking buy something that's known to get fucking white girls wasted. And then it's like, hey, yeah, I'm doing better for myself. It's like you're teasing with it. It's like, I'm not doing meth, but I'm fucking drinking coffee and thinking about meth. I don't know. It's a bad analogy. That was a terrible analogy. [00:04:40] Speaker C: It was. [00:04:43] Speaker A: You're dancing around the edges of it. So either fucking get drunk or just don't drink any of this shit. [00:04:52] Speaker C: I've had white claw, and I thought it was fucking nasty. [00:04:55] Speaker A: I've never had a white claw in my life. [00:04:56] Speaker C: It's not worth it. [00:04:57] Speaker B: It's disgusting. [00:04:58] Speaker C: Oh, my God. It's so gross. [00:05:00] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't know why they're even like, seltzers are disgusting. [00:05:06] Speaker C: Okay? If done right, seltzers are amazing, but you have to do it like. [00:05:11] Speaker A: Like, I remember having Mike's hard lemonade and shit like that, and I'm like, it's okay. And then they had Mike's harder lemonade, and I'm like, cool. Yeah, I understand that. I can go and get a fucking lemonade. But if Mike's hard lemonade made a non alcoholic lemonade, I'm like, fuck you guys. [00:05:33] Speaker C: No, that's just lemonade. [00:05:35] Speaker A: It's just lemonade. You guys are assholes. I don't want to fucking taste the nastiness of your fucking drink without getting drunk. There is a fucking foul fucking taste that you're giving me. But the trade off is I get drunk. [00:05:52] Speaker C: Yes. [00:05:52] Speaker A: Well, not really. Not off of a fucking white claw. Like, let's get real. But I'll drink beer. And I've gotten accustomed to the taste, but beer is not like a fantastic fucking tasting beverage. It's no eggnog, no. [00:06:12] Speaker C: Have no palate for beer. [00:06:14] Speaker A: Yeah, I drink pbrs and fucking mountain times. Like, what do you want from me? [00:06:20] Speaker C: Nothing. I want to keep all my good beers to myself. [00:06:23] Speaker A: I don't want. They are all yours. Like, I sniff my wife's beers, and I'm like, disgusting. Horrible. Why the fuck would I drink that? And it won't even get me drunk. Yes, PBr. I can get a 30 pack for like $20 done easy. Whereas my wife's beers are like $17 for like a six pack. [00:06:50] Speaker C: Because I have taste. [00:06:53] Speaker A: No, if I really want to get fucked up, I'll just start taking shots. I'll just be like, boom, boom, boom. And just start pounding fucking shots of vodka, whiskey, or whatever the fuck I want to drink to get drunk. Stop drinking these fucking non alcoholic drinks. Any non alcoholic beer. You should feel bad. Just don't drink a non alcoholic beer. You're spending more money on something that's non alcoholic. Just get a soda. [00:07:23] Speaker C: But sodas are gross and they hurt my tummy. [00:07:26] Speaker A: Get a water then. [00:07:28] Speaker C: Water is so boring. [00:07:30] Speaker A: That's what you are. You're a fucking boring person if you're drinking non alcoholic white claw and the. [00:07:36] Speaker C: Whitest white cycle in the washing machine. [00:07:41] Speaker A: If I ever see someone, like, drinking this at the bar, I'm going to slap it out of their hand and pay for it. I'll be like, here's five fucking dollars. Don't ever drink that shit again. Throw it away. And none of my friends ever would. They're the types of people that are like, yeah, give me a PBR because it's the fucking cheapest beer you got. But if you want to go for it, I don't care. White girls everywhere rejoice. But on to the next story. I'm going to be talking about Mickey Mouse Disney. I know. I didn't get to talk about it at all. We haven't had an episode since the new year, and I haven't really even talked about this. So everyone knows that Mickey Mouse is off of the fucking copyright steamboat Willie. So if you do them in color, if you do them with white gloves, if you do them in any of that shit, fucking Disney lawyers will come down and sue the shit out of you. And I'm sure they're making so much money on people that have no know what the laws are, what they can do. I'm sure they're just sending out a bunch of cease and desist and suing everybody else that's trying to do some shit. But the day that it went into left copyright a movie called Mickey Mouse Trap, like a slasher film, whatever, released its trailer. So they've been working on this shit. Obviously. Good for them. I'm not going to see it because I don't give a shit. You're just trying to cash in on some dumb bullshit. And then Mickey Mouse. The game infestations origins had to change their name because they originally named it infestation 88, and the 8th letter of the Alphabet is h. And so hh, Hitler. And it had a lot of fucking nazi connotations. And so they had to fucking change the name of the game to infestation origins. [00:10:14] Speaker C: But it's still nazi. [00:10:17] Speaker A: No, they didn't mean to be nazi ish with it. [00:10:20] Speaker C: Like, the game's not. [00:10:21] Speaker A: No, okay. It's just like a fucking, like a four person survival. It's one of those dumb fucking games that's been done over and over again. But they were subsequently made aware of the nazi connotations of the number 88, which was used to discreetly reference Heil Hitler by Nazis, compounding the alleged connection with the focus on rats, which Nazis refer to jewish people during the Holocaust. Hello, Mochi. They said, we apologize for our ignorance and we changed the name. So good for them. I'm not going to play this game. I don't give a shit about this game at all. But they had to do Mickey Mouse in all black and white. So I'm excited because this is really where it all fucking starts. Every year from here on out, some new fucking cool shit is going to go into public domain more and more and more and more. And in 50 years. Yeah, that's right. Per to the people. Per to them, it like, imagine when we're 80, all the cool shit that's going to be in public domain. [00:11:46] Speaker C: I am not going to live to 80. Fuck that. [00:11:48] Speaker A: Imagine when I'm 80, all the cool shit that's going to be in public domain. [00:11:51] Speaker B: You think I'm going to live to 78? [00:11:57] Speaker A: Just think about it. It's going to be fucking cool. That's all I'm saying. And no one's going to give a shit. Yeah, whatever. But, yeah, go ahead and fucking make your Mickey Mouse porn. Go ahead and make your Mickey Mouse whatever the fuck you want to do. There's been fucking, I'm sure, tons of Mickey Mouse porn. That's been out forever. Now. It's legal to do and make money off of it. Courtney's excited about Mickey Mouse porn. I knew that would get her. So a plane from Portland to Ontario, California, had to make an emergency landing in Portland after a window. [00:12:57] Speaker B: Blew out. [00:12:59] Speaker A: Yeah, it just exploded the fuck out. And I saw these pictures up on Reddit. It's like when you hear a bang on the plane at 25,000, I'm like, damn. [00:13:12] Speaker B: Yeah, fucking freaky as fuck. [00:13:14] Speaker A: Now I don't want to fucking sit at the emergency exit ever a fucking again. [00:13:20] Speaker B: I guess one kid had his shirt ripped off. [00:13:25] Speaker C: How often has this happened? [00:13:28] Speaker A: I'm sure I don't know. [00:13:29] Speaker B: They're investigating it right now. [00:13:31] Speaker A: Well, this is, like, a brand new fucking plane, and it's very rare. This is insanely. The fact that it happened once and it made, like, national news seems like it was happening all the fucking time. There'd be tons of pictures, but it's like, it's rare. Like, the last time a huge plane emergency happened, they made a movie out of it called sully, and, like, a dude landed in the Hudson Bay after birds went into the engine. [00:14:02] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:03] Speaker A: So planes are really safe. So anybody that's like, I don't want to fucking. It's like, I'm just not going to sit in the emergency exit lane. How about that? If they're like, you want to sit in the emergency exit lane? I'm like, how much are you taking off my ticket? Like, half price. I'm like, okay, I'll risk my life for that, no problem. But they're the Boeing 737 Max, nine planes, and they have to all now go through fucking safety certifications before they can even fly again. [00:14:35] Speaker C: Yeah, duh. [00:14:36] Speaker A: And I imagine there's so many people that are pissed off that they missed their flight. [00:14:41] Speaker C: It's like a food recall. One problem pops up, and every single lot number, it's like, oh, shit. Everything gets checked now. [00:14:50] Speaker A: But, yeah, 171 planes worldwide now have to be shelfed, for lack of a better term, and gone through with a fine tooth comb, which is a good thing. No, fuck it. Just make the tickets cheaper. If you die, you die. That's the fucking thing you pay for. You get to get there without fucking having to drive halfway across or wherever you need to go, and you might die. You have a 0.1% chance of dying, but it's like, you might just make them fucking cheaper for those planes. Like, $100 ticket wherever you want to go in America. Cool, done. I don't care. Roll the Courtney. Like, would you get on a plane, like, one of these planes? Yeah, exactly. No one cares. And now if someone got pulled out of the plane, that would be, like, the best day for their family. [00:16:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:09] Speaker A: Especially if that kid got sucked out of the. [00:16:17] Speaker B: I don't know who it was, but I don't remember. But a relative of his was holding him in a seat. [00:16:24] Speaker A: Yeah. You just get up and walk away. It's not like continuously pulling you out of the plane unless you're, like, leaning out the fucking thing. People think it's like a spaceship. When you fucking breach a hole into it, it's like, yeah, no, once it depressurizes all the way, then the suction is done, and it happens really fucking quick. [00:16:57] Speaker B: Oh, it's cold here. [00:17:01] Speaker A: It's cold. You're in California. How is it cold in California? [00:17:08] Speaker B: Well, you get used to when it's hot, and then when it's cold, it's cold. [00:17:12] Speaker A: You're like, it's 69 degrees. It's freezing to death. [00:17:17] Speaker B: It's actually like 60 something in the house. [00:17:21] Speaker A: Yeah. If it's 37 degrees, I'm like, it's fucking hot. I'm like, miserable. If it's above 70, I'm like, I'm dying. [00:17:38] Speaker C: Planes were invented 121 years ago. [00:17:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:17:42] Speaker C: That's crazy. [00:17:43] Speaker A: By Wilbur Wright. The Wright brothers. [00:17:47] Speaker B: I thought it was Orville. [00:17:48] Speaker A: Yeah, and his brother Wilbur. [00:17:50] Speaker C: Oh, Orville is the first name. [00:17:53] Speaker B: The Wright brothers as their last name. [00:17:57] Speaker C: I didn't pay attention to american history. I'm not going to lie. [00:18:00] Speaker A: Like the Mario brothers. Mario's their last name, so it's Mario Mario and Luigi Mario. Italians are not known for being smart people, and fucking japanese people made fun of them for it. It's fine. [00:18:16] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, everyone can make fun of Italians. It's great. It's like being irish. You're the butt of all the jokes, and everyone is here for it, including yourself. [00:18:29] Speaker A: Yeah, but when you get fucking vodka, you're like, all right. Fucking. You irish people are all right. And when you get fucking lasagna, you're like, all right. You fucking Italians are all right. [00:18:39] Speaker C: Lasagna is disgusting. [00:18:41] Speaker A: Good. Lasagna is amazing. [00:18:44] Speaker C: No, it is still made with pasta. [00:18:46] Speaker A: No, if you get some fucking horse shit from the store, that's like, throw it in the oven for 30 minutes, and it'll be fucking done. Yeah, that's some horseshit. [00:18:55] Speaker C: But no, my mom made homemade lasagna. It was nasty. [00:19:00] Speaker A: Your mom is a white lady. That's not italian. I want to see the fingered together, the fucking italian sign language, all the time. [00:19:11] Speaker C: So if you make that motion in the kitchen, you're making italian food. [00:19:15] Speaker A: No, Italians do this all the time. [00:19:18] Speaker C: Do they? [00:19:19] Speaker A: Yes. [00:19:20] Speaker C: I thought it was a Hollywood lie. [00:19:22] Speaker A: No, it's a very italian thing that. [00:19:25] Speaker C: Makes it better than, I don't know. [00:19:28] Speaker A: I might be making shit up. I saw it on TikTok once, and I'm like, I'm sure that's a thing. [00:19:32] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. Because TikTok is a valid source of information. [00:19:35] Speaker A: Yeah, it's where I get all my news. [00:19:39] Speaker B: Oh, my. Yeah, it's a conspiracy theory. China controlling your thoughts. [00:19:49] Speaker A: Yeah. Most of my stuff that I see on fucking TikTok is, honestly cat like, you know, cute kitties. And I show my wife, and I'm like, this is a fucking doorable. And then it'll show me, like, a ferret or something like that. Or some wild animal that I'm like, oh, that's adorable. And I want one for ten minutes. That's what it is for me. People are like, I just want to see naked people on TikTok. I'm like, yeah, you can go other places and find that it's the hunt of naked people on TikTok because they're not supposed to be there. [00:20:31] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:20:32] Speaker A: I mean, it's a good fucking hunt to find nudity on TikTok. [00:20:39] Speaker C: There was a skit where this professional artist, basically what he did was he got free news from people and then just blew it up on, like, giant s pictures and called it art. [00:20:49] Speaker A: He got what? Yeah, he got free nudes? [00:20:54] Speaker C: Yeah, he would be like, send me. Okay, I'm assuming this is a skit, but he'd be like, send me noobs. People send him noobs. And then he'd frame them and put them up on his art gallery and call himself an artist. [00:21:03] Speaker A: That's hilarious. I would pretend to be a girl and not fucking pretend to be a girl. Like on fucking. What's that? It's not twitter, it's x. No, the fucking fuck me website. No, the fuck me. What is that one? [00:21:28] Speaker C: Is it the one that starts with an o? [00:21:29] Speaker A: No, it's the one that starts with a t. The fuck me website? Yeah, that's the one. [00:21:38] Speaker C: Oh, my God. I thought it wasn't. [00:21:40] Speaker B: What is it called? [00:21:41] Speaker A: Tinder. [00:21:42] Speaker C: It's an app. [00:21:43] Speaker B: Oh, Tinder. [00:21:43] Speaker C: No one says website. [00:21:45] Speaker A: Okay? Fucking. And then call me a boomer. I don't care. I guarantee you I can go on. I don't have a Tinder like thing, but I guarantee I can go on. [00:21:58] Speaker C: Not. [00:22:01] Speaker A: Let'S see, I-N-D-E-R. It fucking pulls up to tender swindler. A 2022 film. [00:22:19] Speaker C: All right? I guarantee you your algorithm is proving it's worth. [00:22:23] Speaker A: Yeah, it's a website. Suck my dick. [00:22:29] Speaker C: All apps are websites. But why would you call it a website when its mainstream use is through an app? [00:22:34] Speaker A: Suck my dick. I'm not even going to go to the. [00:22:37] Speaker B: I thought you were, like, talking about match.com or some, like, a website website. What was it? Tiffany something. [00:22:50] Speaker A: It don't matter. But here's what I want to do, is just pretend to be a woman on one of those websites. Eharmony, match, whatever. And just anybody that sends me a dick pic, it goes up on the fucking wall in my art museum. All of them. [00:23:10] Speaker C: They better be good dicks. [00:23:14] Speaker A: The best dicks get put in the vip room. The worst dicks get put in the free section. So it's like, you can come in to my fucking art. You can see the fucking worst dicks and then the shit that they said around their dick, just, like, whatever their pickup line was and whatever the worst shit they said. And the vip room, you have to pay $10 to get in there, but you can see the best looking dicks and the fucking craziest dicks. [00:23:54] Speaker C: Who defines what good dicks are and what bad dicks? [00:23:56] Speaker A: Me. And they're like, oh, shit, I'm in a fucking art museum. [00:24:03] Speaker C: So, what does a bad dick look like to you? [00:24:07] Speaker A: Curves to the left. Trust me, I've seen tons of bad dicks. I'm like, their pee hole is in a weird spot. It's a thing. Yeah. [00:24:19] Speaker C: Wait, seriously? [00:24:21] Speaker A: Yes. [00:24:21] Speaker B: I have to look this up now. [00:24:25] Speaker A: You all just look at porn dicks, and you don't look at, like, fucking real dicks, and it's like, I look at real dicks, and it's. Know the dicks that people do not send dick pics of, because, like, I'm fucking embarrassed about this. [00:24:41] Speaker B: They should be. What is it? So, what should I put in Google? [00:24:44] Speaker A: Weird penises. [00:24:47] Speaker B: Okay. [00:24:49] Speaker C: Is that a safe thing to Google? [00:24:51] Speaker A: Absolutely not. And it's the best. Like, here, I'll fucking Google it with you. I'll go down this rabbit hole. I don't care. Fuck. My algorithm. Weird penises images, please. No. Not echidna fucking manage settings. No. Fucking turn that shit off. Oh, my God. [00:25:22] Speaker B: Yeah, it was really weird. My settings had done that, too. Fucking blurring it, so I had to take it off. [00:25:31] Speaker A: Weird human penises? [00:25:35] Speaker B: That's not like a porn cat. There's so many. Like, ew. [00:25:40] Speaker A: Yeah, weird, right? I am not fucking making this shit. [00:25:51] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:25:56] Speaker A: And there's women that fucking still suck these weird ass dicks, and they are called saints. They are good women that keep the world safe. They are heroes. Like Superman, but even better, because Superman doesn't suck dick. [00:26:14] Speaker B: I think it'd be dangerous to get. [00:26:16] Speaker C: A blow job from Superman. [00:26:18] Speaker B: Wait, what? [00:26:19] Speaker C: What if he sucked your dick off on accident? [00:26:23] Speaker B: Like, why would you push something like that there? [00:26:26] Speaker A: Why are you just, like, looking at weird piercings at this point. Yeah, trust me. I've seen the prince Albert. [00:26:40] Speaker B: Put a fucking weight on their penis and their balls are extra long now. [00:26:45] Speaker A: Yeah, trust me. I've drank a beer off of a dude's dick piercing. [00:26:53] Speaker B: Oh, my God. It went in through his thing. Split open. [00:26:57] Speaker A: Yeah. The one thing that fucks with me just a tiny bit is when people fucking put like hooks through their back and then hang from them. I'm like, there's got to be a fucking time where that goes really bad and that fucking skin just splits. [00:27:17] Speaker C: That's just like CGI shit. [00:27:19] Speaker A: No, they legitimately like the skin on their back. They fucking put like hooks through it and then hang from it. Your skin is really tough and they get in there and then. So they're actually hanging. But I imagine there's been just like some time you go to some weird circuses, feel like that could have exposed. [00:27:47] Speaker C: You to a really nasty infection. Do they sterilize them beforehand? [00:27:50] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, they sterilize the hooks. They sterilize everything. They are insanely safe with it. [00:27:55] Speaker C: That was the only thing I was worried about. [00:27:56] Speaker A: I'm fine with it. Yeah, it's like when you put up like a paperclip through your skin. [00:28:01] Speaker C: I have never done that, but I work with cats. I'm constantly being cut open. [00:28:07] Speaker A: It's like your skin is like insanely fucking tight. But, yeah, they'll put like six hooks in their back and then fucking swing through the air. [00:28:16] Speaker C: I'm not going to lie, I'm a little grossed out. [00:28:18] Speaker A: Yeah, no. [00:28:20] Speaker C: I'm not kink shaming. I'm just grossed out. [00:28:23] Speaker A: It's not even a kink. It's not like sexual. It's just not. No, it's just like a thing that people do. [00:28:31] Speaker C: Relax and shit. [00:28:32] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, people will fucking fall asleep hanging from their back. It's interesting, but I have to imagine that one time that has just gone bad and just like, the skin just ripped and just start bleeding everywhere. I'm like, oh, man, that sucks. Fuck. And just like, the thoughts go through that person's head. It's like, oh, yeah. [00:29:00] Speaker C: Do you think it's a good nap? [00:29:02] Speaker A: Yeah, no, it's very fucking relaxing, I'm sure. [00:29:06] Speaker C: I hope it's a good nap. [00:29:07] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't fucking look at these people as weird. I'm like, yeah, some people like putting on clown makeup and having crazy hairstyles. Go for it. If it's what makes you happy, go ahead and do what makes you happy. But yeah, it's kind of rare. I'm not even going to look up pictures because it's fucking weird. [00:29:29] Speaker C: Please do not. [00:29:31] Speaker A: And they don't even bleed that well, I'm assuming. But. All right, onto the next news story, man, who brazenly attacks the vegas judge. There's a dude that fucking just, like, straight up attacked a fucking judge. [00:29:53] Speaker C: Oh, you don't do that shit, like. [00:29:56] Speaker A: Jumped over the table. It was Deborah Redden. [00:30:08] Speaker C: That's the judge. [00:30:13] Speaker A: No, actually, that was the person that fucking did it. 30 year old fucking. Was that a chick? Yeah, it was a Clark county district court judge. Mary K. Holphis. No, it was a dude and a brawl between. Because I've seen the video. There's a whole ass fucking video. [00:30:44] Speaker C: I thought it used to be illegal for courts to be videotaped. [00:30:48] Speaker A: No, never. Yeah. I mean, it's public information. It's always public. Unless it's, like, a private court thing. There's certain court ones that are just, like, higher levels, but. Lower level court. Yeah. They're going to tell you to leave if you come in and start filming everyone's private information, but it is. Yeah, this is the. [00:31:27] Speaker C: Holy fuck. [00:31:28] Speaker A: Just fucking strip Superman over. Boop. And just beat the shit out of the judge. Judge was fine. [00:31:38] Speaker C: God, I would hope so. [00:31:39] Speaker A: Judge was an old lady. [00:31:41] Speaker C: Oh, God, I hope she's okay. [00:31:42] Speaker A: No, she's fine. You can see her at the end of the video, and she gets up and she's like, what the fuck? [00:31:48] Speaker C: Oh, my God. She has, like, a 50 50 chance of having osteoporosis. God only knows how poor healing she is. God damn. [00:32:00] Speaker A: But, yeah, so that guy caught another seven fucking charges. [00:32:04] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [00:32:05] Speaker A: From this whole fucking thing. And he's just like, I was having a bad day. [00:32:10] Speaker C: No, he fucked up. [00:32:14] Speaker A: Um, yeah, he tripped. [00:32:25] Speaker B: What? [00:32:28] Speaker A: He vaulted across the room. He tripped while trying to apprehend redden. Dislocated his shoulder and received 25 stitches and a gash on his face. Jesus Christ. So, yeah, this dude got the shitbeat out of him after he fucking tried to do this. Got a bunch of fucking felony charges. He's probably going to spend another fucking 50 years in jail for whatever the fuck he wanted to do. This guy. He's due back in court next week to be sentenced for the original case. He'll be charged with multiple counts of battery on the. So, yeah, fuck this dude. Yeah, seven new charges and. Yeah. Deborah. Deborah Delone Redden. To be a dude with a girl's name, that sucks. [00:33:40] Speaker C: I thought Deborah was spelt without an O. [00:33:44] Speaker A: Dio. Bra. [00:33:46] Speaker C: I don't know. [00:33:48] Speaker B: Yeah, maybe it's pronounced, like, super fucking weird. [00:33:52] Speaker A: He's a black dude, so it might Dio bra. Maybe it's like african Dio bra. Yeah, but, yeah, I'm sure those fucking cops are going to go redden up his face with some fucking billy clubs. This dude is fucked. [00:34:14] Speaker C: Courtrooms are, like, kind of sacred. This is like, major. There's shit you don't do and there's shit you do not do. [00:34:20] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. If you get into the courtroom and swear, fucking judge can make 30 days in jail. Yeah, if the judge wants to be a dickhead about it. Yeah, the judge can really be a dickhead about it and ruin your entire shit. Hopefully the judge. I honestly don't give a fuck. I don't like the fucking judicial system in this country either way, so I'm sure this judge has done some fucking evil shit. But there is a TSA director that was arrested by the US Customs and Border Protection. Though TSA was infiltrated, it wasn't like the director, it was an assistant director. But TSA assistant federal security director Maxine McManaman was arrested in Atlanta by US Customs and Border Protection on December 20 eigth, right after Christmas. Too brutal. Mick Manaman. Fucking. I hate that name. Everyone needs to just get, like, numbers for names. Had a warrant for her arrest posted by the Florida sheriff's office, which she claimed she and an alleged accomplice named Delroy Chambers, senior. Jesus. Exploited a relative suffering from dementia by falsifying documents in their. [00:36:16] Speaker C: So she wasn't arrested for doing something wrong at the. [00:36:21] Speaker A: Had a. Okay, so she had an older relative and the older relative was suffering from dementia. And I guess in order to get money or some other bullshit from this relative, she falsified documents in their name using the dementia, and they found out about it and then fucking issued a warrant out for her arrest. [00:36:44] Speaker C: Okay. I thought this chick was doing, like, unlawful things through TSA. Like, letting shit pass in and stuff. This is just, like, boring. This is just like, regular. I thought something cool was. [00:36:57] Speaker A: Mean. She was doing. She was still doing illegal. And it's like. [00:37:05] Speaker C: But she's not like, hushing drugs onto a plane. [00:37:07] Speaker A: She's like, yeah, this is literally. Honestly, I have a strong feeling about this. If you are in a position of authority or in a position of power like that, your fucking punishment should be quadrupled. It's like if you speed through a construction zone, your fucking fines are doubled if you are a cop. And it's like, oh, normally this would be five years in jail. This is now 20 years in jail. Congratulations. You played yourself. And I feel like every fucking punishment that a cop gets quadruples immediately. [00:37:50] Speaker C: Yeah. You should know better. [00:37:51] Speaker A: Yeah. So this know. [00:37:57] Speaker C: Was she pretty? [00:37:58] Speaker A: Yeah, she's a very pretty lady. Pretty black? Yeah. I mean, this is just straight up Florida bullshit right here. And this is the Florida fucking story, so good job, TSA. Honestly, you haven't ever done fucking anything for anyone except fucking take a bottle of water away from fucking some old lady that needed to take pills, so she needed to go take your fucking disgusting drinking fountain water, or pay for a fucking new bottle for $27 at the airport, which I feel like that's extortion. [00:38:42] Speaker C: That is extortion. [00:38:44] Speaker A: I feel like hospitals and airports should all just be charged with extortion and beg. [00:38:49] Speaker C: Okay, you can get food through TSA, you just can't get the liquid. [00:38:53] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, I've brought a sandwich through TSA. [00:38:56] Speaker C: I took a cream puff. Courtney helped me. Do what the cream. [00:39:03] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:39:04] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:39:04] Speaker B: You can't take food. [00:39:05] Speaker A: Yeah, they don't care. Honestly, TSA doesn't care if you bring drugs. They just want to make sure that you don't have anything to take down a plane. And I'm like, that's all you need to do. Make sure I don't have a gun, make sure I don't have a knife, make sure I don't have a bomb. Anything else? Fuck off. [00:39:20] Speaker B: Agricultural. [00:39:22] Speaker C: Yes. Agricultural shit. For reals? [00:39:26] Speaker A: I mean, even that. Fuck off. Let me bring it now. I do love fucking watching those border protection tv shows. [00:39:37] Speaker C: Oh, my God, they're so good. Especially when they have the dogs. [00:39:40] Speaker A: Well, especially when they have someone from a third world country that has their entire shit all cell phoned up and they fucking cut it up, and they're like, okay, yeah, you can't have any of this. And they have to shred it all in front of them. And you just see them watch all their shit get fucking torn apart. And like, that's not even the bad news. Guess what? You're getting a fine. They're like, oh, God damn it. Now I have to pay a fine? And they're like, and you're going to get deported. It's like, fuck. And you can't come back. It's like shit. So you just lost all your shit. [00:40:16] Speaker C: This is what happens when you go traveling without knowledge. [00:40:19] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, when we go to Japan, I'm going to be 100% ready. I'm going to know the language. I'm going to know all that shit. [00:40:28] Speaker C: So if you want to fly with your pet out of the country, you have to get a health certificate. [00:40:33] Speaker A: I don't want to fly with my pet. Mochi can stay the fuck here. [00:40:36] Speaker C: Yeah, we'd never do that unless we were moving. But, like, trying to get your cat into other countries sometimes can take up to 180 days. So if you don't start early, you're kind of fucked. [00:40:49] Speaker A: Well, talking about animals, let me share the fucking. Where the fuck is it? I never do remember. There it is. So this is Cecil. Cecil is a dog, and he has never done anything bad in his life until he ate $4,000. I guess these people just had $4,000 in cash, just chilling about. And the dog fucking ate, like, all of it. [00:41:35] Speaker C: This is another reason we're never going to have dogs. [00:41:38] Speaker A: The dog was fine, of course, but they had to dig through all of this dog shit in order to get the money back. [00:41:48] Speaker C: I hope they got at least some. [00:41:50] Speaker A: Oh, they did? [00:41:51] Speaker C: Okay, good. I mean, money's pretty durable, isn't it? Like, it's not like just paper. [00:41:55] Speaker A: There's like, oh, no, this is the money that came out of the dog's butt. [00:41:58] Speaker C: Yeah, I know. I'm just like. [00:42:00] Speaker A: They're somewhat strong and so they had to sit there and wash the money. And luckily people came in the comments and like, hey, you only need 50% of the bill for it to be considered replaceable. And so they fucking taped all their money back together like some fucked up shitty puzzle. [00:42:22] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:42:24] Speaker A: And they got most of it. Like, they lost about $500. So their dog just ate $500. [00:42:36] Speaker B: Oh, wow. [00:42:38] Speaker A: It's like this fucking poodle fucking thing by Ulala on Instagram from the words. [00:42:48] Speaker C: Of one of my most treasured mentors at my job. He's lucky he's cute. Yeah, very lucky he's cute. [00:42:57] Speaker A: I mean, mochi is the same way. She can do whatever she wants. She's cute. [00:43:02] Speaker C: Mom was not going to eat, okay? [00:43:05] Speaker A: She'll never eat anything that's too expensive. [00:43:07] Speaker C: I know, but her vet bills will get expensive, so I'll certainly be spending much more than that later on. [00:43:16] Speaker A: Can you not do all that horseshit? [00:43:19] Speaker C: She didn't press any buttons, did she? [00:43:21] Speaker A: Oh, she pressed all the fucking buttons. Every fucking button in the world. [00:43:24] Speaker C: Momo. [00:43:25] Speaker A: You're such a, like, you know, steps across my keyboard and steps on all my buttons. [00:43:32] Speaker C: Cat is a cat. [00:43:33] Speaker A: Yeah. She's evil. [00:43:36] Speaker C: She's so proud of herself looking down on you. [00:43:38] Speaker A: I know. It's like the world's and this is the real ass dude that seen. I saw this story and like, fuck. A czech republic priest cuts off his penis with a knife after a tick bite. After a tick bite. In a shocking incident, this dude was the fucking craziest goddamn name in the world. C-E-S-K-O-B-U-D-E-J-O-V-I-C-K-I don't know, it must sound really. [00:44:17] Speaker C: Pretty, but no way in hell. [00:44:22] Speaker A: I'm just going to call him Vic. How about that? That's the last four letters of his name. He's now Vic. Congratulations, Vic. A southern bohemia priest from the Czech Republic reportedly inflicted harm on himself by slicing his own genitals with a knife. The distressing episode unfolded after the man, allegedly driven into a psychotic state by a tick bite, was rushed to the emergency room where the doctor discovered the extent of his genital injury. We don't know exactly what happened. It was probably a health problem, a mayor told local media outlets. According to the reports, people first realized something was wrong when the priest didn't show up for a prearranged meeting. Paramedics rushed to his house when they found him in a pool of blood with his penis severed. Facing deteriorating condition, the priest was placed in an induced coma and connected to a ventilator for ten days to aid his recovery. The comatose state initially hindered doctors in determining the specifics of the incident. He's lying unconscious in the Aro ward critical care unit. Due to these circumstances, it is impossible to find out what really happened. According to reports, the priest's ordeal was attributed to the tick borne encephalitis. [00:45:53] Speaker C: Oh, okay. I was thinking Lymes, but yes, this totally makes sense. Okay, continue. [00:45:59] Speaker A: Tbe a tick transmitted disease causing brain swelling. Yeah, tbe can lead to personality changes and even psychosis in advanced stages. The priest had reportedly exhibited health problems the day before the alarming incident. Oh, I thought he got a tick bite on his dick. He's like, oh, I got to get it off. [00:46:22] Speaker C: I also thought that for like, 2 seconds, and I was like, wait, nah. [00:46:26] Speaker A: I'm impressed that I got that fucking word right. Encephalitis? [00:46:29] Speaker C: Yeah, no, that was a big word. I'm proud of you. [00:46:32] Speaker A: Thank you, Dr. House. Suck my dick. Fucking it all does great for. Yeah, that sucks to just have a tick come and make you cut your dick. Oh, now I'm terrified of ticks in the Czech Republic, not here in America. [00:46:59] Speaker C: No, we have lymes here in cause certain Lyme disease strain can cause hallucinations in this kind of shit. I know I said that word wrong. [00:47:10] Speaker A: Hallucinations? Yes. Okay, and now we're on to am I the asshole? Am I the asshole by throwaway account four nine zero am I the asshole for ruining Christmas and being upset? The only gifts I got from my family were joke gifts. Some background my family likes to play pranks with Christmas and birthday gifts. It's nothing new. I, female, 21, as well as my five siblings, 29 to 37 years old, have all been pranked on our birthdays and on Christmas and it's usually one or two gifts. This Christmas, though, I was the only person to get all joke gifts. For example, I unwrapped a MacBook from my brother, but when I opened it it was just some chocolate which I don't eat so I gave it away. The MacBook was actually given to my sister inside a bag. She wanted another gift I thought was a book that I put on my Christmas list. It was actually just a cover put inside a dictionary. When I asked my mom about the book, she told me she gave it to my sister in law. This went on with each present my siblings or parents had given me. Airpods were just a charger block adapter. Gift cards were used and had zero balance, a card with monopoly money, so on, totaling about twelve joke gifts, I realized I went out of my way to get everyone something they really wanted or something like they didn't get. I went out of my way to get everyone something they wanted or they like didn't get anything. At this point I was bummed so I went to the living room to watch tv with my boyfriend at dinner. They are all talking about how much they love their gifts. Even when my dad asked why I hadn't said anything about mine, I said there wasn't much to say. Everyone by my boyfriend laughed and my mom said it was no big deal as everyone else also got some joke gifts. I told them every gift was a joke gift and the ones they got were also followed by a real one. My dad told me I needed to relax as I'm making a big deal out of it and we'd have next Christmas to get stuff on my list. Not wanting to go back and forth, I told my boyfriend I wanted to leave so we can spend the rest of the Christmas break with his family and then go home. My family got mad and told me not to go and just to stay because it wasn't serious. I left and put my phone on do not disturb during the drive and by the time I got to my boyfriend's parents house, I had several missed calls and texts from them calling me names like ungrateful, sensitive, and childish. They said I ruined Christmas by making my parents upset because I left. The next day, I exchanged and opened gifts for my boyfriend and his family, and one gift I had gotten was a book I wanted the book my mom pretended to gift me. I posted a story on instagram, and not even zero minutes after posting it, my sister sent me a screenshot, sent a screenshot of my story to the family group chat, and basically got mad at me for leaving and telling me I ruined Christmas over some presents. They told me I owe everyone, especially my parents, an apology because my mom spent New Year's sad because of my actions. Boohoo. Now I just want an outside party to tell me if I'm the asshole. Am I wrong for being upset about the gifts and leaving? After reading their messages and sitting on this few days, now I'm feeling like maybe I was upset over nothing and I need to apologize to them. All right, so you got a bunch of joke gifts while the rest of your family got real fucking gifts. That's kind of fucked up. It's a level of disrespect during Christmas. It's like, if you got a couple of joke gifts, sure. But it's like, oh, ha. This is a joke. Oh ha. It's like, okay, obviously you don't want me here. Here's what you do, Op. Beg, sorry for overreacting and apologize to them. And then every single birthday and every single Christmas for the rest of their fucking lives. Joke gift. [00:51:52] Speaker C: So I think it's very intriguing where she says, where they're at the dinner table, and she mentions something, and then everyone laughs except her boyfriend. Like, her boyfriend from the get go was like, this is fucked up. When everyone laughed, he didn't laugh with them because he thought what they had done was fucked up. Op's boyfriend, he could have laughed along with them to blend in with the crowd, and he didn't. I think that's really cool of op's boyfriend, also not the asshole. [00:52:17] Speaker A: Yeah, you're not. But here's what you do and go ahead and give them their apology. I'm sorry. I was overreacting. And it's like, yeah, I'm sorry. My bad. And then every single birthday, every single Christmas, every single time that you're going to give them a gift, joke gift, every fucking time. Never give them, like, weddings joke gift. Fucking baptism joke gift. [00:52:50] Speaker C: So you think it's worth it for op to keep your connection with your family, then? [00:52:53] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Just to give them a joke, and then when they fucking are like, dude, can you get me a real gift? You need to stop being childish and sensitive and you need to apologize to me now and just hold on to this grudge forever. That's what I do. Let's see what the comments say. Do not apologize. Your family sucks and you've done nothing wrong. I could write something like this in the group chat. Happy New Year's, guys. I understand that mom is sad because I left on Christmas, but you need to understand, y'all made me sad on Christmas day. I did not receive a single thoughtful gift from you guys. Not one. Every single gift I opened was a prank where the joke was, you didn't actually get me something I would like, but intentionally got to upset me. I hope that you all didn't realize that every single gift given to me was meant as a joke, but it was every single one. It isn't being ungrateful to be disappointed in that. I think you'll, you know, blah, blah, blah. Just like mom spent New Year's sad. Tough shit. [00:54:11] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:54:14] Speaker A: Or here's what you do. Fucking step it up. Get everyone really excited. Be like, hey, I just got everyone a family trip. We're all going to hawai, blah blah blah blah, blah. And then just print out fake tickets to an airline, but at the bottom and tiny font and be like, ha. Just joking. And so they'll get to the airport all excited to go on a family trip and print out a bunch of fake fucking shit for them and just be like, here's the itinerary. I'll see you all there. And you can go and be like, I'm already in the hair. I can't wait to see you all there. I love you all so much. And then when they get to the airport, they're going to realize that it was all a fucking lie and they don't actually have tickets, and they're going to spend the entire time in the TSA fucking line only to know, get up to the front and be like, yeah, these aren't real fucking. Oh, that's a hilarious prank, isn't it? I'm going to have fun in Hawaii. You can stay home. [00:55:32] Speaker B: Quite honestly, I would never really just accept just the ticket. [00:55:38] Speaker A: Well, no, I'd be like, hey, yeah, I have a huge Airbnb and all this lahui or something like that. Just give them, like, a hawaiian city and just like, yeah, I'm here. And then just go to a different island altogether. And so even if they go back and buy the tickets, and show up to that fucking place that you said you had. And they're like, no, you don't actually even have this place. And they're at the wrong fucking. It's like, ah, boom, boom. Double a hit. Oh, shit. You bought tickets to come to Hawaii? Oh, you better just turn the fuck around. Go back. [00:56:19] Speaker C: It was so awful trying to find the place we rented in Puerto Rico because we went to, like, three different places before we finally found the right one. Yeah, it was so embarrassing to be that white. [00:56:33] Speaker A: It was fucking awful because I wanted. [00:56:35] Speaker C: To shrink inside the car and just, like, die. I was so embarrassed. [00:56:39] Speaker A: Yeah, going to fucking places. Is this it? No, this isn't it. [00:56:45] Speaker C: Like the day after a hurricane. [00:56:48] Speaker A: Hey, I'm here to fucking vacation. Yeah, my family's dead. I'm like, oh, damn, that sucks. So where's a good place to get cervezas out here? I don't know. I have to bury my family now. Can you please go? I'm like, all right, Jill. Whatever, bitch. All right. So, yeah, everyone's saying, not the asshole. Not the asshole. Not the asshole. Opie, you're not the asshole. Fucking step it up. Fucking out. Prank the prankers. If you can't fucking never beat them, join them ever again. [00:57:29] Speaker C: Never get them anything nice ever again. [00:57:32] Speaker A: And then they'll be like, well, why can't we get something nice? It's like, whatever. Fuck you. [00:57:37] Speaker C: That bridge. [00:57:39] Speaker A: And then if they want to fucking get all uppity in it, let them try. But now on to relationship advice. By j witt jit j wet jit I don't know. I shit my 27 female pants in front of my boyfriend. Male, 31. Technically, I shit on the floor. Happy New year's. I hate going to the bathroom with my boyfriend around this time. We're spending four days together. So I held my bowels the entire time. Day three is today. And while he's in the shower, I can feel the demon inside me trying to escape. I pinch my cheeks together as tight as I possibly can, but there is a brown battering ram trying to escape my anus. I'm frozen stiff, knees locked, ass clenched, and I can't move. Then I feel it as I'm standing there, legs twisted tight. It happens. I shat on the floor. It wouldn't stop. There's no hiding what happened. Then I hear the shower turn off. I explain for him not to come outside. I told him I had just peed on the floor. And he gives me, what the fuck? Are you on drugs? Responds, but there's no. Truly hiding the atrocity that was committed. I come clean and explain. I am so paranoid about going to the bathroom in front of him that, well, I held it for three days and my body gave out on me. We went to Home Depot and got carpet shampooer. He's currently shampooing the carpet as I type this, trying to find relief somehow, some way to make matters worse, his brother was home and heard the entire thing. I'm in shock. Honestly, could use some comforting words. [00:59:45] Speaker B: Stupid. [00:59:48] Speaker A: Comforting words. She wanted to hear comforting words. [00:59:53] Speaker B: Yeah, she's not going to hear this. Really? Like, seriously, why the fuck would you do that? Don't hold your shit for three days. [01:00:06] Speaker A: She was trying to hold it for four. [01:00:09] Speaker B: Oh, God. What a stupid fucktard. [01:00:13] Speaker A: Now I want to know. Were you wearing a skirt? Why weren't you wearing pants? What is going on? It just escaped out of you. Were you standing around? [01:00:25] Speaker B: It was probably like diarrhea, like, consistency. And went down her pant leg. [01:00:29] Speaker A: Yeah, like, fucking grab both your pant legs and fucking hold them tight. And run into the bathroom. Run into an area that does not have fucking carpet. Go outside if you need to, and then you can hose off shit a whole lot easier. [01:00:47] Speaker C: If she's embarrassed to use the bathroom in front of him, why is she in the bathroom the same time as he's in the shower? I'm confused by this. [01:00:56] Speaker B: She's not in the bathroom. She's outside the bathroom. [01:01:00] Speaker A: Yeah, he is in the shower. [01:01:05] Speaker B: Because no one's stupid enough to have freaking carpet in the bathroom. Or if they are, they're fucking stupid as fuck. [01:01:13] Speaker A: We had it at our last house. [01:01:18] Speaker C: It was nice sometimes. Gross. [01:01:21] Speaker B: Yeah, I always felt that that was really stupid. [01:01:25] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm sure it was. But I don't own that house. And if I did, I'd fucking replace it with linoleum. But whatever. Yeah, op. Here's my advice for you. You started out a shitty year, the shitty way. Good job for you. And if your boyfriend can get over that, he can get over any of your horseshit and the fact that he's cleaning it and not kicking you the fuck out of his house. You better give him some anal tonight. Just, like, fucking give up your ass tonight. [01:02:05] Speaker C: She's sleeping in diarrhea. The last thing she wants is a dick up her ass. [01:02:09] Speaker A: Sorry. He's fucking cleaning your shit off the ground. [01:02:13] Speaker B: Yeah, he'll probably wait or he's going. [01:02:17] Speaker A: To break up with you either way. Yeah, that fucking sucks for you. Op. [01:02:24] Speaker C: I want comments. [01:02:25] Speaker A: All right, let's see what the comments say. What's more embarrassing, taking a shit while your boyfriend is around or shitting on the floor while holding your shit for three days because you're too embarrassed to shit while your boyfriend's around? Not just a floor, a carpeted floor. [01:02:42] Speaker B: Oh, God. [01:02:46] Speaker A: You couldn't beat this information out of me, no matter how anonymous red it is. By the time he's out of the shower, I'd be out of the country. Thank God you didn't poo in a toilet. It's a receptacle designed for poo. It had been fucking humiliating. [01:03:07] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [01:03:12] Speaker A: Now he knows you poop. It's all downhill from here. [01:03:16] Speaker C: I love that they're just roasting. [01:03:18] Speaker B: Op. I feel so bad for her. [01:03:23] Speaker A: He's better than me. No way I'm cleaning a grown person shit off the floor. I mean, I cleaned it. He just went and rented a shampoo, or chief cleaned it. My trick used to be turn on shower, poop, then shower, you're clean, and the smell will go away as you shower. Turning on a shower while pooping will drown any noise. But you're a human, and any guy who's bothered by you using the bathroom is probably a red flag anyway, so you might as well just poop anyway. There's no way to recover from this. Maybe it'll be a funny story years later. My money is on fake kink post. Ah. 10.5 years ago, I invited my new boyfriend to a work party. I go properly smashed, and I don't remember much. About a week after the party, my then boyfriend told me that I shit on the floor while blacked out drunk. And he cleaned it up, and he had been holding on to this secret for a week. We just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, and I'm sitting here holding a four month old baby in our home with two dogs and one cat. So, yes, you might be able to fucking recover, but chances are, yeah, he's going to fucking make fun of you forever. That's awful, op. You're an idiot. Courtney was right. [01:05:06] Speaker B: See, I told you I was their. Who does that for four days? [01:05:13] Speaker A: I'll shit like three times a day. I don't care. I'll look at my wife while I shit. She's like, ew. And I'm like, I'll come at the same time. All right, we got one more relationship advice by addition. Familiar? Six. Five. Five. My 30 female ex husband, 36 male, wants me to surrogate for him and his girlfriend because her body is too perfect to ruin. [01:05:49] Speaker B: Oh, God, I heard this one. [01:05:51] Speaker C: Oh, my God. Okay. I'm sorry. You married that? [01:05:55] Speaker A: No, this is the ex husband. [01:05:57] Speaker C: I know. [01:05:58] Speaker A: A few months ago, I made this post about my ex husband. Since then, we've had little to no communication except through a third party. Because we have a daughter together, he does absolutely nothing for her. He asked for full custody because he didn't want to pay child support. I finally got him to agree to supervised visits and zero child support. The last three months, I haven't spoken a word to them, and he hasn't seen our daughter. But recently, he's been telling me that his hot 18 year old girlfriend that he reasons why he never told me is because we agreed to tell each other about a relationship since this person would interact with our daughter. But he's always accidentally sending me nudes of bikini pictures of her or accidentally sending me messages meant for her. Yeah. The other day, he told me he wants to have a baby with her. This is written horribly. [01:07:04] Speaker C: It is. [01:07:04] Speaker A: He's irresponsible and she's immature, so they'd both make horrible parents. But he wants me to carry their child. Why? Because her teenage body is so hot and sexy, and I'm old and used. I have no idea why he would even ask me. Why is he telling me about her body? Why does he want me involved in any sort of way? It's all so weird. [01:07:30] Speaker C: It is weird. [01:07:31] Speaker A: Op. [01:07:32] Speaker C: I'm sorry you married that fucking. [01:07:39] Speaker A: Here's what you do. [01:07:40] Speaker C: I'm glad you're away from him. [01:07:41] Speaker A: You say, okay, I will surrogate for you, and then hand him a bill for $200,000. [01:07:49] Speaker C: I think it's like $70,000. [01:07:50] Speaker A: It is. It's like $80,000 to surrogate but charge double and then a little bit extra for asshole tax. That's what you do. It's like, if you don't want to ruin her fucking body, here you go. And if you can pay the $200,000, I'll surrogate for you. And then you just. Here's your baby. [01:08:16] Speaker C: This dude's fucking weird. [01:08:20] Speaker A: Comments. It's only January 1, but I can confidently say he will win the 2024 prize for sheer audacity. A little weird. Good grief. This guy needs to be the poster child for what went wrong during my lobotomy. Ask your lawyer to revisit child support. Give him a good laugh. But if he can afford more children, save all you can. Videotape him. Seriously, this could work to your advantage. I would not dignify that request with a response. Ignore it. I wouldn't even think about it. They probably sent it to wind you up. Yeah. Honestly, I feel like that. Like an 18 year old girl. How old is fucking 36 year old dude? Okay. [01:09:21] Speaker C: Grooming. [01:09:22] Speaker A: I'm 32. I think 18 year olds are the dumbest fucking people on the planet. [01:09:29] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [01:09:29] Speaker B: Right? [01:09:31] Speaker C: We were so stupid. [01:09:35] Speaker B: We were so stupid. [01:09:37] Speaker A: I tried pull out method. That's how dumb I was. It worked, but still, okay. [01:09:43] Speaker C: It only worked because there were malformations with my uterus, and it would have been almost impossible for me to get pregnant. [01:09:49] Speaker A: Thank God. But, yeah, I don't see 18 year olds and be like, fuck that. I don't know if I'm just, like, not disgusting enough of a dude to be like, I want to fuck 18 year olds, but I don't want to fuck 18 year olds. [01:10:08] Speaker C: I'm like, that is a good thing. It is not a bad thing. [01:10:11] Speaker A: It's like fucking like a retarded animal. [01:10:16] Speaker C: Yeah. [01:10:17] Speaker A: And they're like, even a different generation now. [01:10:20] Speaker C: They are a different generation now. [01:10:22] Speaker A: Fuck them. They're like the scapegoats for millennials. Thank you, guys. But you're too dumb to fuck. You're like, put it in here. I'm like, you're pointing to your belly button. It's like, okay, let me squeeze out the bar soap from my pussy because I was cleaning it, and it's like, jesus Christ. Here, eat the cyanide pill, dumb bitch. But that is it for this week. Thank you all so much for being here. And if I have good sets, I will start posting them here on this as bonus content. And that's about it. You can follow me. Instagram, Twitter, all that dumb bullshit. Alex, a truck. And if you want to see me in person, if you hate me or hate my stories or want to beat me up. Every Friday in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Downtown. Salad or bust. Come on down. 07:00. I am doing comedy. And every Monday in Durango, Colorado, at Starlight lounge. 08:00 I am doing comedy there as well. Or come down. Buy me drinks. Or come down and beat me up. I don't really care. You'll win the fight. But that is it. Any of you all have anything else to say? [01:12:05] Speaker C: Oh, yes. [01:12:06] Speaker A: What? [01:12:06] Speaker C: I fucking lost the game. [01:12:08] Speaker A: Damn. [01:12:11] Speaker C: On the day of my birth, someone posted that on my page. [01:12:15] Speaker A: Whatever. [01:12:15] Speaker C: Disrespect everyone shall share in my misery. [01:12:19] Speaker A: I don't even play that stupid shit anymore. [01:12:22] Speaker C: Everyone. [01:12:24] Speaker A: Courtney, do you have anything to say? Courtney? [01:12:28] Speaker B: Even here, I honestly, I forgot. I'm so sorry. What we were talking about for a second there. [01:12:33] Speaker A: Poor Courtney is, like, all stoned as fuck. She's like, what? [01:12:38] Speaker B: I'm really tired. All right, well, I'm sorry. [01:12:42] Speaker A: You're fine. [01:12:43] Speaker B: I meant to not zone out, but I did for a minute there, and usually I get back before you asked me to respond. [01:12:52] Speaker A: Well, thank you all, and we'll see you all next week. Bye. [01:12:57] Speaker B: See you.