Teachers and Killers

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alrighty. Alrighty, everybody. Welcome back to another week of the Human podcast. What are you doing? [00:00:08] Speaker B: It never stays in one place. [00:00:10] Speaker A: You have to crank it. [00:00:11] Speaker B: I did crank it. I just re. Cranked it. [00:00:15] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh, guys, I am. Some introduction, huh? [00:00:19] Speaker A: I. I know, right? Like. Like, the second it starts, she's like, I'm gonna, you know, touch everything, soldier boy. [00:00:28] Speaker C: Yep. [00:00:29] Speaker A: I mean, it's fine. Like, you know, like, I. I do have, like, a nice, you know, like, boom mic for me and just, like a standing mic for my wife. [00:00:42] Speaker B: Yeah, I am not sitting. [00:00:43] Speaker C: Quite honestly, I wouldn't give it to her because she'd probably break it. Right? [00:00:48] Speaker A: No, it's actually pretty tough. [00:00:50] Speaker C: Really? [00:00:51] Speaker A: Yeah, it's like the one that, like, Joe Rogan has on his podcast. It's not exactly like that, but it's close enough. Yeah, I mean, it's, you know, to where I can move it around, move it out of my way, move it in if I'm, you know, gaming with friends. But, you know, speaking of that, I. I found that Call of Duty, the game that is all about, you know, murdering your opponent with guns and explosives, you know, throwing Molotov cocktails on them and burning them to death, killing zombies, all kinds of. And whatever. Military service, they have a problem with people using bad words. And. And I get it to a point, you know, you don't want, you know, some white kid saying the N word over and over again, but if you say anything untoward at all, they have AI now that goes through and gives you a warning saying, hey, you are not allowed to do this. You're not allowed to say those bad words. And then eventually they're just gonna ban you from chatting at all. So it's gonna be like the quietest game ever. Which is great because, like, anytime I'm sitting there playing games back in the day, and there'd just be, like, one dude just saying the N word over and over again. I'm like, you know, time and place, dude. You know, wait till you're at, you know, your KKK rally. Knock it off here, you know? [00:02:40] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:02:41] Speaker A: And, you know, they always have the shittiest microphones, too. I'm like, you know, if you're gonna say it, you know, speak it into a nice microphone, please. That way I can understand what you're saying. But, no, they have AI that's coming through mc. No, no, no, no, no. And so anytime I hop into a game, they'll be like, maybe one other person that can talk, you know, because everyone else has lost their Ability to chat or everyone else is on, like, a different chatting service like Discord or Ventrilo or something. [00:03:19] Speaker C: What's Ventrilo? [00:03:21] Speaker A: Ventrilo is a VOIP service. I don't even know if it's still around. That's what we used back in the day. That. That. That's a callback to those of us that, you know, were like, you know, hop on, Vent. And it was just Ventrilo. Yeah. Ventrilo still exists. Holy. Same. Yeah, it's a group communication software client for gamers. Still looks all the exact goddamn same. Holy. [00:04:05] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:04:06] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. See what's new in the latest release. But, yeah, you had to, like, you know, get a Ventrilo server. Let me see how much the, you know, renting prices, please. So, yeah. Jesus. It's still expensive. I mean, it. It was good, you know, audio, but for one month, it's $9. [00:04:48] Speaker B: That's so much money. [00:04:51] Speaker A: Well, this is only for 15 people. So if you just have, like, you know, 15 people chatting, considering Discord's free, you know, I don't know why you'd never do this, but if you want to get, like, you know, 12 months, it's $64. So, yeah, it. It does go down in price the more you get. And it pretty much you. You have full ability to ban people and whatnot. And it's your server. So, yeah, I mean, it. [00:05:29] Speaker C: It. [00:05:30] Speaker A: It's good. But, yeah, 24 months. So two years for 400 people is $1,248. [00:05:42] Speaker B: Nice. [00:05:43] Speaker A: So if you have, like, a large group or something like that, and you all want to chat back and forth and you want to have, like, different rooms and then. Yeah, you just. So, yeah, like, I'd always have, like, one friend that would, you know, pay for Ventrilo server, and we could all just hop in and chat now. It's, wow, so easy to do. It's essentially free, you know, it's, you know, just rolled in with other services, but. Oh, my God. Like, takes me back to the day, you know, back when I was young and, you know, we'd hop on, you know, just like, Team Fortress 2 and play some games. I feel like, like, none of you, like, you know, ever did that. [00:06:35] Speaker B: I wasn't allowed access to the Internet. [00:06:38] Speaker A: Courtney, did you ever play, like, online games? [00:06:41] Speaker C: Not really. My Internet was so fucking slow. [00:06:46] Speaker A: Damn. [00:06:47] Speaker C: I basically lived at the end of the line. Like, it wasn't until, like, a long time we even got, like, dial up. [00:06:56] Speaker A: Yeah, now you have good Internet, so now you can play you just, like, don't. [00:07:03] Speaker C: Not really. [00:07:04] Speaker B: I don't like that kind of game. I'm very happy with my Minecraft. [00:07:08] Speaker C: Well, yeah, I would like exploring Minecraft together with other people if Alex wanted to invite me. [00:07:16] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, you don't want to play with me. [00:07:18] Speaker C: Yeah, I would want to play with you. [00:07:22] Speaker A: Look. Look at that. [00:07:23] Speaker C: I said I would. [00:07:24] Speaker B: Oh, my God. I want to play with you. What do you want to do? [00:07:27] Speaker C: I don't know. I've never really played Minecraft. You only played, like, here and there with Yuga. Actually, like, quite honestly, the only time I've played has been with you guys. [00:07:39] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:07:40] Speaker C: And other than that, it's just me watching other people. [00:07:42] Speaker B: You can come see my mushroom map. My mushroom. It's coming along so well. I've made some. Yeah. [00:07:51] Speaker C: By the game, don't I? [00:07:54] Speaker A: Yes. Do you have like a PS4 or anything? [00:07:58] Speaker C: Yeah, I have a PS4 because, like, you can buy it. [00:08:02] Speaker A: Oh, you. You can cross play with iOS so from your iPhone. You can play on your iPhone. [00:08:10] Speaker C: Oh. [00:08:15] Speaker A: Let me make sure. Can iOS and PS5 cross play Minecraft? Yes, you can play Minecraft. Cross platform between iOS device and a PS5. [00:08:40] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:08:42] Speaker A: So, yeah, you, you, you know, you can just have it on your phone. And I, I wonder if I have Minecraft on my. I feel like I do just for some dumb reason, like, I got it. [00:08:55] Speaker B: I haven't paid for my phone because I wouldn't be able to do it. It's too many. There's too many commands and I don't understand how it all fit on such a small screen. [00:09:05] Speaker A: Well, you just, you know, go through like, menus and stuff and you can also connect it to a controller as well. [00:09:12] Speaker B: Oh, okay. Because that's different. [00:09:15] Speaker A: But I do not have. [00:09:17] Speaker C: Wow. [00:09:17] Speaker B: But I don't. But it couldn't sync up with the worlds I have set up now, right? [00:09:21] Speaker A: Yeah, it can. [00:09:22] Speaker B: Oh, it could. I could do that. [00:09:24] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:09:24] Speaker B: I could play on it at work then. That'd be fun. [00:09:27] Speaker A: Like, the ideal thing would be play on your iPad. [00:09:32] Speaker B: Oh, duh, duh. [00:09:34] Speaker C: My goodness. [00:09:35] Speaker B: Duh, duh. I needed to be told that. [00:09:40] Speaker A: Yeah, and you can have like a bigger screen and has like, little. [00:09:44] Speaker B: And I have my stylus too, if I don't have the controller. Although I do need to buy my own controller. I want a pink one. [00:09:52] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, I like, I don't know if, like, you know, Android works well with, you know, like a PS5 PS4 controller just fine. I don't know if iOS does well. [00:10:06] Speaker B: I won't know unless I try. [00:10:07] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, we can definitely look it up later, but. Yeah. Courtney, you have an iPad, right? [00:10:13] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:10:13] Speaker A: Yeah. So, yeah, you can, you know, download it on an iPad, you know, and then, you know, find, like, a controller. Like, there's even controllers, I believe, that plug in and, you know, you can play together. [00:10:28] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:10:31] Speaker A: And then, you know, just, like, have, like, a little FaceTime going on your phone, and then, you know, that's, you know, your chatting service. Boom, solved. [00:10:40] Speaker C: Yeah. Cool. We'll definitely have to figure out how to do it. [00:10:48] Speaker B: Yeah. You have to come see. I'm so proud of my motion world. Like, there's no one for me to. There's nobody for me to really show it off to. I want praise for all the hard work I've done. [00:10:57] Speaker C: Oh, my goodness. [00:10:59] Speaker B: I'm not gonna lie. [00:11:02] Speaker A: I mean, the I, I. I've seen, you know, all she does, she, like, makes fish and then, like, commits, like, genocide of fish like she does in real life. She just. He's like, I don't like this color of fish. This one can die. I like these blue and white ones. These are the master race of fish. [00:11:22] Speaker B: I can't choose what color sp. And if I only want one color for very specific fish size, I have no choice but to just continuously spawn until I capture what I want. [00:11:33] Speaker A: This is the fish I want. [00:11:35] Speaker B: No, there's, like, over, like, 300 types of fish that can spawn from the tropical bucket. And if you only want very specific color patterns, very specific sizes, it's. You gotta kill a lot of fish to get the ones you want. [00:11:48] Speaker C: She. [00:11:49] Speaker A: She made a machine that kills them. [00:11:53] Speaker B: Okay. No, it's okay. Is it a machine? [00:11:55] Speaker A: It's essentially you. You. [00:11:57] Speaker B: I, like, I have to shift two blocks. Does that make it a machine for it to work? [00:12:00] Speaker A: Yes. [00:12:01] Speaker B: Oh, my God. I built a machine that. [00:12:03] Speaker A: That kills fish. I built them. [00:12:05] Speaker B: I didn't know that was a machine. Oh, my God. I didn't know I could build a machine. I didn't think I was that smart. [00:12:11] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, like, I. I'm pretty good at, like, redstoning, and if you don't know that is. It's just, like the Minecraft equivalent to building machines and electricity. Like, it's pistons and all kinds of dumb like that. Buttons that open doors. And you're allowed to use, you know, little trails of redstone as wire, essentially. [00:12:34] Speaker B: Or you can just make it a trail. It's like a decoration, or it's like, like, kind of like sidewalk decorations. That looks really Pretty too, especially on the sand. [00:12:44] Speaker A: So yeah, now my, my wife has, you know, the ability to play online with, with Courtney. [00:12:54] Speaker C: Yep. Yes. Jeez. Took us this long to figure it out and it's been years since we moved in together and moved away from each other. [00:13:13] Speaker A: Let me, let me see Minecraft because I, I feel like there's like one that you could like have a world that's like online as well. Like you can, you know, obviously invite someone into your world, but you can like have like an always online world that, yeah, they're, they're dirt cheap. Jesus. Minecraft worlds. Yeah, I forget what it is. Like. [00:13:50] Speaker B: I, I, I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure there already is an online server for it. [00:13:55] Speaker A: Yeah, you know, there's like a built in one for you guys. That way you can like, you know, if one's not online then you know, Courtney can jump online and then you can jump online or vice versa that way and then you can build your world up. [00:14:20] Speaker C: Man. [00:14:21] Speaker A: Now Minecraft multiplayer cost. Oh, it's called Realms is what it's called. So players who can play simultaneously, it's you and two players can play. So three people. So even I, I can jump on too. [00:15:03] Speaker C: Oh cool. [00:15:05] Speaker A: Yeah, it's like $4 a month. [00:15:10] Speaker C: So D. [00:15:15] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean like that, that's an easy, you know, payment to cover. And I, I can get Minecraft on my Nintendo Switch. [00:15:28] Speaker C: So I can, oh can we, we like, we don't all have to be on the same. [00:15:34] Speaker A: So, so like what it would be would be like a completely like separate world and like everyone can join. It stays there at all times because like, you know, if my wife's not online, then you can't join into her world obviously. Because, but if you have, you know, a Realm server going, then you can jump on, you know, build some stuff and be like, hey, look what I built, you know, type stuff. [00:16:10] Speaker C: Hey, the game is only 30 bucks from Minecraft. [00:16:15] Speaker A: 30? Wait, what is that how much it costs? Like I, I looked at it. $6. [00:16:25] Speaker C: Really? Except Minecraft starter collection maybe. [00:16:29] Speaker A: Oh, that's a starter collection. I'm sure that's like a bunch of skins. Like just like look at how much basic Minecraft is. Yeah, Minecraft play with friends. Like, are you looking on your iPad? [00:16:47] Speaker C: Yeah, on my iPhone. Oh, well, I was looking for, I, I punched it in. It took me to GameStop for PS4, so. Because I don't think I would be very good at playing on my phone. [00:17:02] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean you obviously, you can play on the PS4. You know that that's probably easiest for you if you have your PS4 in a row. [00:17:14] Speaker C: Yes, I do. [00:17:15] Speaker A: Okay, then. Yeah, you, you know, easily do that. Yeah. But it's 699 for iOS. Let's see how much it is for PS4, because I. I know I. I already have it. Minecraft PS4 cost. [00:17:47] Speaker C: Wow. They have so much mint, like, knockoffs of Minecraft. [00:17:52] Speaker A: Yeah, they. There. There's a million, you know, games that are Minecraft is. And, you know, I'm like, yeah, Minecraft did it, you know, first. Yeah. It's $20. So if you want Minecraft for your PS4, it's 20 bucks. [00:18:13] Speaker C: Okay. Yeah. [00:18:15] Speaker A: Which still ain't too bad, but, yeah, if you want to do that. And then I can go in and pay for realms. That way, you know, y'all can play together. [00:18:27] Speaker C: Yeah, well, let's wait until. For realms. Until we actually do it. [00:18:34] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:35] Speaker C: So that we actually, like, know if we're gonna stick with it. [00:18:41] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, like, you know, obviously, like, you know, play together, because you can play together for free, you know, when she's online. But, you know, if you're like, okay, we're gonna do this, and, you know, yeah, you know, I'll pay for a realm for y'all. [00:19:01] Speaker C: Okay, cool. [00:19:06] Speaker A: And you can play together and go build some stuff. You know, I'll jump in, build a big old penis statue. [00:19:15] Speaker B: That is required. [00:19:17] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh. [00:19:19] Speaker A: I mean, there's. There's a term for it, and for every game, it's time to penis, you know, ttp. And it's. How long does it take, you know, the person to make a penis? If they get a chalkboard and they're allowed to draw on it, how long is it going to take them to make a penis? [00:19:38] Speaker B: Why is this important? [00:19:40] Speaker A: This is a whole thing. [00:19:41] Speaker B: Why is it important? [00:19:43] Speaker A: It's very important. [00:19:44] Speaker B: Why is it important? [00:19:48] Speaker A: Like. Like, there's a game called Okami, and you play as a God dog. Your little, you know, white doggy going around barking at stuff. And, like, you're like, a God or something. And there's one point where a kid's like, hey, can you help me decorate? You know, for the entire town? And you get, like, this little piece of paper that you have to, like, decorate. And, like, you can, like, make flowers or whatever the fuck you want on it. Immediate penis. Just immediate. The fastest penis I've ever driven drawn. And, like, the kids wearing the penis. There's penis flags all over the town. [00:20:37] Speaker B: That's just important. [00:20:43] Speaker A: Because I. I love. [00:20:44] Speaker B: It like, is this just like a guide thing? [00:20:47] Speaker A: Yeah, this is. Every guy will do this. You give a guy a piece of chalk on the ground. Penis. Like, girls don't do it at all. It is a hundred percent a man thing. [00:21:03] Speaker B: No, the first thing I would draw is a cat. [00:21:06] Speaker A: Yeah, obviously you're not a dude. You know, like every man in the world has drawn a penis at one point or another. You know, they might be deeply shamed about it and never admit it. Every man's done it. It doesn't matter how much you're like, I. I'm not gay at all. You drawn a penis. You drawn hair on the balls. You might even hairy balls. Draw hairbreads? Yeah, of course. [00:21:39] Speaker B: God, I. I didn't need to know that. [00:21:43] Speaker A: Just anytime I. I get the chance, you know, it just like. [00:21:48] Speaker B: I do not need a visual representation. [00:21:52] Speaker A: Let me go down to. [00:21:53] Speaker B: I do not need this. [00:21:55] Speaker A: Of course you need this. [00:21:56] Speaker B: Why do I need it? [00:22:00] Speaker A: You know, you just, you know, grab your pencil, go here, and just, you know, boom, boom, boom, boom. Wait. [00:22:09] Speaker B: That's how you draw your penis? That's how you draw it. You do a side view? [00:22:15] Speaker A: Yeah, do a side view. [00:22:17] Speaker B: Oh, I. I would do it vertical. [00:22:20] Speaker A: What, like that? [00:22:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:24] Speaker A: I mean, it looks like a mountain. I want. I want there to be no mistake. [00:22:28] Speaker B: Mine would look much better than yours. [00:22:32] Speaker A: What you do is you have to, like, draw, like, the circumcision scar. [00:22:36] Speaker B: Yes. You need to add the details, and. [00:22:39] Speaker A: Then you just, you know, draw like, splooge coming out of it every fucking time. [00:22:44] Speaker B: Oh, you just. You do lines? You don't do droplets? [00:22:47] Speaker A: Well, I mean, I have a mouse. [00:22:49] Speaker B: Okay, well, no, I thought every dude has his, like, own, like, like, dick style that they draw like, always. [00:22:55] Speaker A: There. Is that better? [00:22:58] Speaker B: That's much better. [00:23:02] Speaker A: Like that? That's a pretty decent fucking, you know, dick. [00:23:05] Speaker B: It is. It's very recognizable. One look and you. You of course, know what it is. [00:23:10] Speaker A: And so, yeah, every single dude has done this, 100% of the men. And no women. Women do not draw penises. [00:23:21] Speaker B: I might from now on. Yeah, I do. [00:23:23] Speaker A: Do you draw penis? [00:23:24] Speaker C: I used to. Yeah, I did. [00:23:30] Speaker A: See? [00:23:31] Speaker C: Even funny sometimes. [00:23:33] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:23:34] Speaker B: See, I didn't know I was supposed to do that. [00:23:36] Speaker A: It's great. It's a good. It's fun to do it. It hurts no one, you know, and sometimes, like, you know, you see like a painting or like a picture in a book. You draw a dick to their mouth, you know, splooging on their face. [00:23:55] Speaker B: You would disrespect A book page like that? [00:23:57] Speaker A: Of course I paid 300 for the goddamn book. [00:24:04] Speaker B: Ah, you're right. I'm gonna, you know, do what you want with it. [00:24:08] Speaker A: What book? Any college book ever in the history of ever. [00:24:13] Speaker C: Like, like what you do with the books. [00:24:15] Speaker A: You draw dicks all over it them, and then you return it. Like, honestly, like, you should be able to, like, you know, tear out every page and in the book and, like, close it and then, like, jizz in the book and close it and, and. [00:24:33] Speaker B: Then right before you jizz into it. [00:24:36] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, is, is that, is that wrong? [00:24:41] Speaker B: Like, so either you jizz on your. Or you on your jizz. [00:24:47] Speaker A: Jizz on my every time. [00:24:50] Speaker B: Okay. [00:24:50] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:24:51] Speaker A: Like, I, I have never, like, jacked off while taking a. I don't know how, you know, people can do this. [00:24:58] Speaker B: I think it's a myth. There's no way someone has done that, right? [00:25:02] Speaker A: Oh, no, it is very much a whole thing. There's a move called the blumpkin. [00:25:07] Speaker B: Okay, I know what this is, but I think it's a myth. I want proof. [00:25:15] Speaker A: I don't want you in the bathroom while I'm taking a shit. [00:25:18] Speaker B: I have only ever done that once. [00:25:20] Speaker C: Wait, so what? I, like, this was kind of getting too personal a little bit. So I tuned out. Sorry, what the are you talking about? By doing, like, what? [00:25:32] Speaker A: Like, you know, I, I have never, like, jacked off while taking a. Because I feel. Yeah. [00:25:39] Speaker C: Why would you. [00:25:41] Speaker A: Yeah, it's absolutely disgusting. And I'm like, I have standards, but there are dudes that do that, and I don't respect them at all. [00:25:53] Speaker C: Wow, really? Like what? [00:26:01] Speaker A: I mean, there, there's a, there's a sex move called the blumpkin where you're taking a while a woman is sucking your dick. [00:26:09] Speaker C: Ew. [00:26:09] Speaker A: I know. And I like, I, I, I'm like, no, absolutely not. You know, I don't even want my wife in the bathroom while I'm sitting down to take a shed. I should lock the door and light a candle and play jazz music to like, make the smell go way quicker or something. But I don't. And anytime I'm taking a, my cat does, you know, not care at all. She'll come right in and I'm, you know, on my phone taking a shit. Because, like, that's what we have to do as Americans, you know, be on our phone doom scrolling until our legs fall asleep. And then my cat will, like, sit on the sink beside me and reach her paw out to touch my face, you know, saying, hey, I Want pets? And then I go over to pet her, and she, like, walks away. It's like, pet me with your eyes. [00:27:10] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:27:11] Speaker A: Don't pay attention to your phone. I'm like, okay. I'm like, like, okay, you got all my attention. She's like, cool. And then leaves the bathroom. [00:27:22] Speaker B: Every goddamn time she will with me in the bathroom. It's disgusting. Her smells like popcorn, and I hate. [00:27:31] Speaker A: It if I'm peeing. If I'm like standing up peeing, she'll get the head and she'll go and, you know, piss herself and, like, we'll finish at the same time, you know? I'm like, cool. [00:27:42] Speaker C: He's definitely the one who taught her that. [00:27:44] Speaker B: Alex. [00:27:47] Speaker A: She doesn't with me, though. [00:27:50] Speaker B: Like, see, this is. See the relationship I have with her. It's very different from relationship she has with you. And this is just one of the key points. [00:27:59] Speaker A: I mean, she's up there right now. [00:28:01] Speaker B: How is fur collected on the underside of the hammock? [00:28:07] Speaker A: Because it, like, pokes through. [00:28:09] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:28:11] Speaker A: She's a very hairy cat. [00:28:12] Speaker B: Well, all cats are hairy unless they're naked. Fucking naked. Mole rats. [00:28:18] Speaker A: I love those cats too. There is not a cat or a dog that I'm like, ew, gross. [00:28:26] Speaker B: Okay, so when it comes to naked cats, there's two types of owners. There are owners who do the upkeep, and there are owners who do not. Owners who do the upkeep. They bathe their cat weekly. Do all the. Like to clean up their ears, clean up their toes, give them bathes, help them with all their kinds of, like, hygiene stuff. Come in. They're like, soft and smooth, kind of like this. Kind of like the way snake scales are, but more loose. But when they're not taking care of, they're like, they're just left to fend for themselves. They'll come in and they are greasy, and there is so much crud built up around their ears and their toes, and their hiney is disgusting. It's like they. They come with a lot of upkeep before. They're less gross for me to touch. [00:29:13] Speaker A: So there. There's a story, you know, on Reddit, where some dude that has, like, a hairy butt decided to shave his butt because, you know, he got a wild hair up his ass and he was like, I. I need it gone. And he shaved, like, everything. He's like, it takes forever to do. And he got inside the folds, he spread and shaved everything. [00:29:40] Speaker B: Nice. [00:29:41] Speaker A: And then he put, you know, what's that like? You know, like aftershave. On it, huh? Burnt his butthole real bad. And now every single one of his farts are, like, insanely loud. And I'm like, I don't want that. I enjoy now having a hairy butthole more. [00:30:12] Speaker B: I am. I'm not under the impression that things are muted. [00:30:19] Speaker A: I mean, it's more muted. I'm like, imagine if, like, I didn't have, you know, hair, like, holding it. It's just like, boom. It's like a round of applause every time I farted. [00:30:29] Speaker B: Oh, it flaps. [00:30:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:30:32] Speaker B: That's the best kind, though. [00:30:35] Speaker A: I know, right? Courtney? [00:30:38] Speaker C: You guys are so weird. [00:30:40] Speaker A: Like, are your farts loud? [00:30:44] Speaker C: No. No. [00:30:45] Speaker B: Courtney has silent but deadly ones. [00:30:49] Speaker C: Yeah, they're really bad. Like, I honestly have gas now. [00:30:54] Speaker A: I. I hold it dead and until, like, I. I need to, like, really fart. And one of my favorite things to do is, like, go inside a business and fart. Like, what are they gonna do? They can't do anything, and no one can say anything because everyone has, like, this weird, you know, aversion, this, you know, shaming people for farting. [00:31:19] Speaker B: In America, cats fart when they get nervous at the vet. [00:31:24] Speaker A: Like, I. I enjoy going into, like, a gas station. Like, even if I don't have to go in, I. I go in and I see somebody I look at, I'm like, hi. And I fart as loud and as hard as I can without myself, and just like, ah. I'm, like, better out than I. And I always say and then leave. I don't buy anything. They know I came in there just to look at them, say hi and fart and. And it is the start of a villains arc. It is the start. [00:31:55] Speaker C: Where do you go and do this? [00:31:57] Speaker B: Gas stations. [00:31:58] Speaker A: Gas stations? Yeah. [00:32:05] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:32:06] Speaker A: They're called gas stations for a reason. [00:32:08] Speaker C: The weirdest thing ever. Why don't you ever, like, try and do the fart that I tell people to do? Which is if you see a bratty kid in the toy aisle farting their face, there's no toy oil, ripping open packaging. [00:32:23] Speaker A: There's no fucking, you know, bratty kids where I'm at. [00:32:27] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:32:28] Speaker A: And I. I don't want to fart at a kid and then get in trouble for it. You know, so many people are like, big old pussies about it. They go, you're gonna hurt my kid. I'm like, nah, traumatize maybe, but not hurt them. But, yeah, just, like, go in and just, like, make one dude's day weird. You just look him in the eyes. Hey, how are you doing fart and then leave. You know, he saw you walk in, it's not a big place. He watched you walk in, come in, say hi, fart, leave. You know, you don't aim it at him. You just. And then, you know, you're gone, you know, and he, he's gonna think about that for the rest of his day. It's a good feeling. Like, even if you don't have to get gas. Even if I don't need to get diesel. If I have to fart real bad, go in high, fart, leave. [00:33:31] Speaker C: Oh, God. [00:33:32] Speaker A: Yeah. No laws are being broken. I'm doing nothing wrong. You know, I'm not hurting him. [00:33:46] Speaker C: You're hurting him with your fart. [00:33:50] Speaker A: And just like, you know, he, he hears a fart and it's like, like, dudes, if you're ever out and, and you're like, oh man, I need to fart real bad. Don't do it in your car. No one can hear that except for you and God. Go into a store. Go, go into a weird store to do it. Go into like a glasses store. Go into an optometrist office. You know, walk in, look at the optometrist, hi, fart, and leave. Boom. They're gonna wonder what the fuck was that about? And they're never gonna get answers. They're gonna be 80 years old, you know, at Thanksgiving with the family, you know, retired. There was one day this man walked in and said hi and farted and then left. Didn't buy anything. It was the weirdest thing. [00:34:48] Speaker C: Oh my God. [00:34:50] Speaker A: Sure, yeah, like, don't record it. It's just for you. Yeah, it's, it's a great time. But let's go ahead and get into some news. Florida right out the gate, coming in strong with some crazy news. Florida teacher arrested naked in elementary school with drugs and sex toys. Joe Urias, a 34 year old teacher from Florida was arrested after being found naked in a classroom at Windmill Point Elementary School in Port. Port St. Louis. Lucille, probably. Lucille. [00:35:39] Speaker B: I was going to, I was just going to go with Lucy. [00:35:43] Speaker A: Authorities arrived at the school around 9:30pm so no kids were around. [00:35:49] Speaker B: Thank God for that. [00:35:50] Speaker A: You know, obviously that, that makes them small mercies better. On November 28, after a sheriff's deputy noticed Uriah inside an unoccupied school. Upon seeing the deputy, Uriah's quickly dressed and fled to the back of the building where he was eventually apprehended after allegedly punching the officer in the face. Police discovered Urias's belongings, including a laptop, food Clothing, sex toys and less than 20 grams of marijuana in a clear plastic container inside the classroom. Uriah told police he was experiencing homelessness and they had entered the building through an unlocked window. Urias, who worked at the. Worked as a teacher at Somerset College Prep Preparatory Academy, faces charges of lewd and lascivious behavior, burglary, marijuana possession and battery on an officer. I like the fact that he wasn't a teacher at this school. Just at. He just like broke in. He's like you. Despite the innocent. Despite the. Why can't I read words? [00:37:11] Speaker B: Cuz you're what, five beers in. [00:37:13] Speaker A: What does that word say? [00:37:14] Speaker B: Indeed to the indecent? [00:37:18] Speaker A: No. Incident. [00:37:19] Speaker B: Incident. Okay. [00:37:20] Speaker A: Thank God. Incident occurring outside school hours with no children present. The cases shocked the local community. Uriah is clear, currently being held on a $31,000 bond at St. Lucy County Jail. And he's exactly as you would think. He looks like a version of me with a better beard. What? Like ah. [00:37:44] Speaker B: You had to point it out, didn't you? [00:37:47] Speaker A: He looks like me. Yeah, with a better beard. Yeah, like he just. [00:37:52] Speaker B: You had to put that out and shame yourself like that. [00:37:55] Speaker A: Except I don't jerk off in schools. I. I don't. I'm not a homeless idiot. [00:38:01] Speaker B: Was he actually homeless? [00:38:02] Speaker A: Yes. [00:38:03] Speaker B: How? [00:38:05] Speaker A: Probably because like how they prove he was homeless because he said he is homeless. [00:38:09] Speaker B: I don't believe this dude was homeless. [00:38:11] Speaker A: I mean you don't break into an elementary school with sex toys and like food and shit to, you know, like no one. If it was a high school, I feel like you'd be better off. [00:38:29] Speaker B: There is no better off. There is just less bad. Okay. And there's a difference. [00:38:39] Speaker A: Yeah, but. Good job Florida. I was worried that you would be an. But speaking of teachers, A teacher wins a house worth 2.6 million in the lottery, but ends up with 6,600 instead due to a loophole and it was only a goodwill gesture. A schoolteacher From Raford, Nottingham, UK was left heartbroken after she was denied over a $2.6 million house that she had won fair and square. Loretta Buchanan, who participated in Win My House contest, was paraded as the winner on a video posted on the contest now defunct website. Per Daily Mail uk. Buchanan, who was knocked off her feet, was excited to finally moved out of her cramped flat. However, when it came time to move, her prize was denied by the contest due to technical issues. Per the reports, the terms and conditions on the contest website saying in the case that the company fails to reach 2.5 million pounds in net sales of lottery tickets, the winner will only receive 50% of the net proceeds. Furthermore, as per emails reviewed by Nottingham Nottinghamshire Live, the competition's organizers claimed that Buchanan's case, they made a loss as they spent nearly £200,000 on marketing costs and didn't sell enough tickets to cover it. So only 6,600 was offered as a goodwill gesture to the winner. Which is still pretty cool, you know, all in all. [00:40:48] Speaker C: Yeah, but like, once you take the gamble, you already know you're going to lose a little bit and then to win and then realize you didn't win as much as you thought you were going to because you, in your head, you do like the ticket said you won and so you already start making plans for all, all the stuff that you can do, like pay off debt, buy certain things and stuff like that. Like 6000 is definitely different from 300 or something. [00:41:22] Speaker A: But there is a twist in the whole story, which is why I even brought up the story. When Mail Online reached out to the owner of the property, Elliot Andrew, he claimed that there was no link between him and the organizers of Win My Home. However, the publication later learned that Andrew was dating a glamorous Ukrainian businesswoman with a name who was the sole director of Win My Home. So he was just dating the girl. I guess she was hot. Andrew later told MailOnline that the firm had approached him to raffle off his property, but no agreement was reached. However, he didn't explain why when My Home was registered at his address when it was founded. So, yeah, like, this dude is probably getting scammed by this Ukrainian woman. [00:42:27] Speaker C: Huh? [00:42:30] Speaker A: And the, the lady that won like the £5,000, she's up, upset as a. Right now, she's like, I need people to stop telling me, congratulations, over £5,000. [00:42:41] Speaker B: I'd be upset too. [00:42:44] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:42:45] Speaker B: Chickens hatched. Chickens. [00:42:50] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, if you wait on like Facebook, you're still losing. Like, there's. If something sounds too good to be true, it is. You know, it's like if you win the lottery, you know, like the billion dollar lottery, you're only going to get like 50% of it. Still enough? [00:43:10] Speaker B: Yeah. But no, half a billion. That's plenty. [00:43:14] Speaker A: You know, like I, I have, you know, a thought in my life. I'm like, if I have $5 million, I'm set for the rest of my life. Like the second I hit 5 million, boom, I'm good, you know, because at that point I can invest and make last forever. But there's people that, you know, win like 20 million in the Lottery and then blow it in a month. I don't know how they do that. [00:43:46] Speaker B: They don't know how they did it either. [00:43:57] Speaker A: Central cookies only, please. And, and we, we have to talk about the gorgeous gunman. The Brian Thompson shooting. Monopoly money was found in The New York CEO's backpack in Central park, but police still have no idea of the gunman's name, whereabouts or motive. Although no weapons have been recovered from the bag, detectives did find a jacket that may have been worn during the attack. Like, have you seen like this gorgeous dude that shot Brian Thompson to death? [00:44:52] Speaker B: No, I thought that literally just said the police haven't identified him. [00:44:56] Speaker A: No, Brian Thompson is a guy that died. [00:44:59] Speaker B: Okay, good. [00:45:00] Speaker A: He is the CEO. [00:45:02] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:45:06] Speaker C: Oh yeah. Did you see the, like, they released a photo of a suspect that's clearly not the shooter. It's ridiculous. [00:45:19] Speaker B: Like, it'd be kind of funny if the police were deliberately not investigating it because they were here for this. [00:45:25] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, you know, like that, that, that's like the clearest picture they have of his face. [00:45:31] Speaker B: They know that's his face because that's. [00:45:33] Speaker C: Not, it's not him. [00:45:40] Speaker A: I, I, everyone hopes it's him. [00:45:44] Speaker C: It's not. [00:45:45] Speaker B: I don't care who did it. [00:45:52] Speaker A: But. So a dude came through and murdered the CEO of a health insurance organization, United Healthcare. [00:46:03] Speaker B: Yep, yep. [00:46:05] Speaker A: Just shot him in cold blood and killed him immediately. Which, you know, people are like, I don't condone his actions. I do. That CEO, that greedy piece of shit that fucking runs the company, that it's like, oh, we need, you know, fucking pre authorized bullshit and we're gonna have non doctors fucking authorize, you know, life saving medications. Oh, wait, your kid needs chemo? Why does he need chemo? Well, my kid has cancer. It's like, prove it. It's like, here's all the proof. It's like you need to send it in triplicate. It's like, well, the kid's dead. Like, like any, you know, CEO of any corrupt organization like that should be shaking in their boots right now. They should be like, hey, we're gonna just let everything go through and just, you know, we're gonna take a smaller bonus check this year. But yeah, I mean, you know, all these, you know, insurance organizations, they're just there to like steal money from the people and screw people over. But like, you know, that it would be great if, you know, health insurance actually helped people for a reasonable price. Like, we should just have, you know, health care for everybody like Canada does, just without all the bullshit that they have. I guarantee you, if we started, you know, using our Second Amendment right and started brandishing guns, you know, these CEOs and corrupt, you know, people would start acting. Right. But yeah, not like, look at him. [00:48:08] Speaker B: How do they know it's him? They don't, precisely. [00:48:14] Speaker A: I mean, like, he fucking killed somebody in New York. I'm sure he's gonna get away with it, and no one's ever going to find him. It's fine. Yeah, no one cares. Like, it. Like, there's been videos online where, like, people like this man, you know, killed the CEO. It's like, in other news, do you need some place to stay? You know, like, girls are being hella slutty for him. And this was a story that didn't. We didn't say last week, but a New Mexico man was awarded 412 million for medical malpractice payout for a botched penal injection. And, you know, this is over in Albuquerque, so now he's like, the richest man in Albuquerque. But jurors in New Mexico have awarded a man More than 412 million and a medical malpractice that involved a men's health clinic that operates in several states. I'm pretty sure it's just, like, you know, Viagra for your dick and it, like, really up his penis. Yeah. It's the largest amount ever awarded by a jury for a medical malpractice case in the United States. Yeah, it's a man's penis. According to the complaint, the man was 66 when he visited the clinic in 2017 and searched a treatment for fatigue and weight loss. The clinic is accused of misdiagnosing him unnecessarily and treating him with invasive erectile dysfunction shots, which caused irreversible damage. Okay, dude, at 66, you're done. Okay, But I'm glad that you got fucking paid for your useless dick. So. Yeah, I mean, that. That's awesome. I mean, like, if you were, like, 80 years old and, like, someone, you know, injected some horseshit into your tits and they had to lop them off, you know, and you got paid a bunch of money for it, like, would you be happy about it? [00:50:44] Speaker B: I mean, they'll be fake titties. I'll probably. Okay. Okay. So my grandma got breast cancer on one of her titties, like, late 70s. And so they did a mastectomy. And like, a couple months later, my grandma told me, like, I don't know why the hell they didn't take off the other one with them. It's so nice not having a titty, and it'd be great not to have the other. And how was like, grandma, I aspire to be you. When I reach the age where my titties are more annoying than awesome, they're getting lopped off. Because they can be pretty annoying. My boobs are heavy. They're in the way of everything. So the second you don't think my boobs are sexy anymore, they're getting lopped off. Just so you know. [00:51:28] Speaker C: Are you getting them locked off? [00:51:30] Speaker B: Because Courtney, they're a pain in the ass. [00:51:32] Speaker A: She's just going to take him to, like, the paper cutter in her office and just go, boop, boop. [00:51:38] Speaker B: Now, when my grandma told me that, a lot of things clicked into place, and I'm like, yeah, it would be nice to not have the weight of these teddies all the time. God, it'd be nice. They're heavy. [00:51:51] Speaker C: But now, well, don't yours grow anyway? [00:51:54] Speaker B: Weirdly, yeah. [00:51:55] Speaker C: Like, what have your doctor said about that? Isn't that really weird? [00:51:59] Speaker B: So, like, now that I'm on my second form of birth control, things seem to have studied. I've remained. I haven't gotten bigger than a G cup, so I'm very happy. [00:52:13] Speaker C: Oh, my God. Like, weren't you, like, an F just, like, a year ago? I don't know. [00:52:20] Speaker B: No, I was an F two years ago. [00:52:23] Speaker C: Okay. [00:52:26] Speaker B: Like, I have really sexy titties. But they're heavy, right, babe? [00:52:32] Speaker A: Yeah, they're good titties. [00:52:33] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:52:34] Speaker A: I mean, I. I enjoy them. [00:52:36] Speaker B: Excellent. [00:52:41] Speaker A: But now let's get into am I the? This one is by separate trip 5297. Am I the? For showing a dick pic to a random at a bar, I. I gonna say no. [00:52:57] Speaker B: This is amazing. [00:52:59] Speaker A: I was at a bar with a couple of friends and I took out my phone to show them, to show. To take a picture of them. After a few seconds, some lady came over all angrily and told me to delete the picture. I was like, what? No. Turns out she and some guy were in an argument behind us and she thought I was taking a picture of them. The bar was loud and I didn't even realize they were arguing or whatever. She didn't buy it. Choice showed her the picture and it. And it was look. And it was like a little crop. It was like, look, I'll crop it. And then she's like, you took more than one? She didn't. And then she wanted to swipe my pictures for proof. Now this is where I might be the A hole. I knew there was One a picture of me getting ready earlier in the night, and the next one was a dick pic. And I was like, go ahead, swipe. She swiped and saw the pic and told me a pervert and walked away. I had a good laugh about at the time, but now I'm kind of feeling weird about it today. [00:54:11] Speaker B: No, this is amazing. I mean, like, who the swipes a random person's phone? [00:54:19] Speaker A: Like. Like that. That's. [00:54:20] Speaker B: Yeah, like, that's what's weird. [00:54:23] Speaker A: Well, like, if someone's, like, they pull up their, like, you know, photos app, I look away because I'm like, they're. [00:54:30] Speaker B: Yeah, no, that's a decent thing to do. It's like, you don't watch someone trying to parallel park. [00:54:34] Speaker A: Yeah, well, I. I do all the time. Like, if someone's bad at driving, I, you know, I cheer them on when they, you know, do a good job. Like, is that the bad thing to do? [00:54:49] Speaker B: It's not the decent thing. [00:54:51] Speaker A: It's hilarious every time. Like. Like, you know, during the summer, like, at the bar we we frequent, like, the. It has, like, a half garage thing, and you're able to sit there and drink your beers. And sometimes I'll be sitting there, you know, at night, watching people try and park because it's just parallel parking in front of the bar. And, like, all I get a bunch of my friends, like, come on over, you know, like, cheer, like, somebody on trying to, like, parallel park. And, you know, sometimes they can't get it, and they fucking, you know, give up and drive away. [00:55:26] Speaker B: Literally the one and only time I tried to parallel park with you in the car, you got frustrated and made me halt in the middle and switch over. And then you finished parking. [00:55:38] Speaker C: Probably because you suck at parking. [00:55:40] Speaker B: I suck at parking. I have a tiny car, and I still suck at parking. Like, I don't understand why I have. [00:55:46] Speaker A: A commercial truck and I can parallel park that. [00:55:49] Speaker B: I know I don't. I have a very poor understanding of the relation of the physical world around me. Like, it's not mapped well. [00:55:57] Speaker A: It's very easy to just, you know, make. Boom. [00:56:00] Speaker B: It's very nice. I wish I could do that, is. [00:56:03] Speaker A: Pull up next to the car in front of you. Back up. [00:56:07] Speaker B: I know. [00:56:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:56:08] Speaker B: And I do that in my head, but it doesn't work out in the real life. [00:56:13] Speaker A: It's like people backing up a trailer. It's like, put your hand on the bottom of the steering wheel, Use that to back up. Don't put it on the top, Put it on the bottom. Which way you go is which way you'll turn. You know, little fucking, you know, flakes of knowledge for y'all. [00:56:30] Speaker B: That is a nice. [00:56:31] Speaker C: That I will probably forget it because I'm a little high right now. [00:56:35] Speaker B: That makes sense though. [00:56:37] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean so it's like counter intuitive when you have like another pivot point. So if you want to, you know, go this way, you know, put your hand on the bottom, you know, boom. Turns your car like that and then turns, you know, your trailer like that. So you know that, that it, it, it, it sounds weird until you've done it and you're like oh, okay, easy. Then you straighten it out. You pull forward to straighten out and then keep on going. I don't know. [00:57:22] Speaker B: If parallel parking had been on a driving test, I would have never got my driver's license. Because even without that on the test, it still took me three tries to get my license. [00:57:33] Speaker C: Oh my God. [00:57:34] Speaker A: Then we, we got one more Am I the and we'll end on this. Not do relationship advice this week cuz everyone's, you know, insane. [00:57:44] Speaker B: They're recovering from Thanksgiving. Give them Peace. [00:57:47] Speaker A: By Rico Tanaki 88:00am I the for not paying for the drive through order for the person behind no. I went to a fast food drive thru this morning to grab a coffee on the way to work. Some generous soul, presumably multiple cars ahead of me, had started a chain reaction of paying the bill for the person in line behind them. So when I pulled up the pay, the very, you know, young nice woman informed me that I was already paid for. So I was at the decision point. I looked in my rearview mirror and I saw a ninety thousand dollar truck with a family of five or six. Then I looked at the bill in my hand and smiled at the drive through attendant and said thank you. I put the money back in my wallet and drove off. My free coffee. Am I the for breaking the chain of generosity and goodwill? [00:58:38] Speaker B: I will always take a free hot chocolate at Dutch Brothers. Are you kidding me? Yeah. [00:58:45] Speaker C: Oh my gosh. A Dutch Brothers is opening up near us. It's opening up next month. [00:58:50] Speaker B: They have their peppermint cocoa is to die for right now. [00:58:55] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:58:56] Speaker A: I thought you don't drink coffee. [00:58:57] Speaker B: I don't but I drink hot cocoa. Dutch Brothers does. Hot hot chocolate. [00:59:02] Speaker A: Don't you have a Keurig at work? [00:59:04] Speaker B: Yeah. And the Keurig thing never worked well with the cocoa powder. Like it just never worked well. [00:59:09] Speaker A: Make your own cocoa then it's I. [00:59:12] Speaker B: Okay when I have to make my own cocoa. Like just like with everything else. I Have a very specific ritual that needs to be done for the taste the way I want it to do. And that can take up to like 15min minutes. And I don't have 15 minutes ever to sit down and just do that. Like I'm on my feet 24 7. There's no such thing as time to sit down. Like unless I can buy it pre made, it's not going to happen. [00:59:36] Speaker A: Ridiculous. [00:59:37] Speaker B: I, I don't have, I never have. There's never that much time to sit down at my job no matter how hard we try. [00:59:45] Speaker A: Well, we're gonna go ahead and end on that. Let's see, see what people are saying. Yeah, always break the chain every time. Just always break the chain and keep, you know, I always break the chain and leave the money I would have spent as a tip. I'm not responsible for paying someone's 50 Starbucks bill. So I'll keep the good faith by not by giving the barista night. That's good. I like that. Oh, my wife left for go pee. [01:00:17] Speaker C: Oh my goodness. [01:00:18] Speaker A: And somebody else, you know, got the reference immediately. 55 burgers, 55 fries, 55 tacos, 55 pies. There's a show on Netflix. God damn. What does that goddamn show? It's a funny ass show. Now I have to look it up. God damn it. 55. I think you should leave is the name of the show. Yeah. [01:00:57] Speaker B: Oh, that's such a good show. Yeah, so that's such a good show. [01:01:03] Speaker A: That, that, that is why you never, you know, especially when you look behind you and like they're like, oh, they have money. [01:01:09] Speaker B: Like it's tasteful cringe, which is very difficult to do. [01:01:15] Speaker A: It is great. I love it. [01:01:17] Speaker B: It's so good. I hate cringe and it's so good. [01:01:23] Speaker A: I think they like did a new season. I'm like, but I've like gotten rid of Netflix for the stupid expensive. [01:01:30] Speaker B: Although now that we don't have it, I'm missing so many shows in the last season of Bridgerton. [01:01:37] Speaker A: Well, maybe I'll bring it back. I don't know. [01:01:39] Speaker B: Oh my God, no, you don't have to. If I want it, I can pay for it. I'm a big girl sometimes. [01:01:44] Speaker A: I mean, you know, like I might like cut one thing off and like add another. Like I pay for stars and we never use it. [01:01:53] Speaker B: Like streaming services are like so weird. Like there's some stuff that I almost watched so far and repeat. Like it almost makes more sense just to buy it once and then never have to pay for it per month. Again, like, I really don't watch new stuff. [01:02:06] Speaker A: I mean, like, it makes people, like, you know, want to go back to pirating. Like. Like, I. I guarantee you, like, after, like, you know, Netflix and all that came out, like, $5 a month, you know, people stop pirating shit, like, immediately. [01:02:19] Speaker B: Yeah. Because it was affordable. [01:02:20] Speaker A: And, you know, now it's like, oh, hey, guess what? It's $20 a month. And it's like, I can just pirate the shows that I fucking watch all the time. That's like, you know, just, you know, like, get Netflix for, like, three months, and then, you know, cancel for six months, and then get it for three months, and then, you know, that's your year. You have Netflix for half the year, and now it's back to $10 a month, and you can watch all the shows you enjoy watching and then just take a break, whatever. But thank you all so much. We will be back next week with some more, you know, dumb. Some more dumb antics, and we'll see if, you know, maybe we'll get an episode with Tron in here. So. All right, bye.