Farts Are Better Than Poop

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alrighty, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Human podcast. We got me, your host, Alex, the truck. We got Courtney over in California, and then we got my wife, not the truck driver at all. She does cats. [00:00:16] Speaker B: Never ever ask me to drive a truck. [00:00:19] Speaker A: But we were just talking about shits and farts and farts. Like, like, literally like two minutes ago, my wife let out the most rancid, you know, earth shattering fart. [00:00:32] Speaker B: Nah, I've had better. [00:00:34] Speaker A: It was a bad fart. [00:00:36] Speaker B: Nah, I've had way worse. [00:00:38] Speaker A: It was bad to you. To me? Yeah. [00:00:41] Speaker B: You're just, you are such a pussy when it comes to my farts. [00:00:46] Speaker A: Like, women, like, I don't know why God put a butthole on women. [00:00:52] Speaker B: I also don't know why I have to have a butthole. [00:00:55] Speaker A: Like, you should be like the leader. [00:00:56] Speaker C: To get rid of waste somehow. [00:00:59] Speaker A: Just, you know, and I don't want. [00:01:03] Speaker C: It to be the same hole. [00:01:04] Speaker A: Why not? I mean, like, it's already a multi purpose hole. Add one more function, have like a full blown cloaca. [00:01:14] Speaker B: Jellyfish. No holes. [00:01:17] Speaker A: Yeah, like, you know, you pee out of. Well, like nothing you don't like, pee out of that hole. [00:01:26] Speaker B: I mean, cloacas are pretty dope. Although, would you. [00:01:30] Speaker A: My cloaca, I mean, if it got wet. [00:01:35] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:01:38] Speaker B: That is key. [00:01:39] Speaker A: I mean, like, you know, having multiple holes, like, is like only like good for like the porn industry. Like, you know, and like proctologists, like, they love buttholes. [00:01:54] Speaker B: Well, yeah, that's why they got in the field. [00:01:56] Speaker A: Well, like, I, I never understood that. Like, why are like some doctors just like, I want to specialize in like just this one thing because it's fascinating. [00:02:07] Speaker B: And when you're specialized in one thing, like, there's a lot more in depth, you know about that one specific thing, which means you know nothing about anything else. [00:02:14] Speaker A: Yeah, it's like the proctologist, it's like they look at your butthole and, you know, they check your prostate and like they can like look at your, you know, butthole rings and like, that's it. That's all they know. I, I feel like, you know, like there's only so much you can learn about a butthole. It's like that's why aliens stop probing people. They're like, there's nothing here. You know, it's full of like these humans. [00:02:38] Speaker B: Well, and like once you specialize in something, you get to like, not have to do stuff. So like we have like relief doctors coming in and some they're like, I will not do surgery. I Just do rooms. And they're like, I will not do dentals, but I'll do surgeries. It's like, you can pick and choose what you. What you want and you don't want to do. Like, being general practice is a lot more difficult, but it's much more rewarding. I love being. [00:03:00] Speaker A: I feel like if you specialize in one thing, you should get paid less. You know, it's like, oh, I only want to do this one thing. [00:03:08] Speaker B: Well, I've gone out and furthered their education and that kind of stuff. [00:03:11] Speaker A: Yeah. In one thing. [00:03:12] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:03:13] Speaker A: It's like, you know, if you go into a construction site and it's like, oh, I only know how to use the nail gun. I don't know how to do anything else. They're going to kick you off the job site immediately. Like, do you not know how to clean up? No. Do you not know how to do framing? No. Do you not know how to do, you know, electrical, plumbing? No, no, no. It's like, okay, get the. Off the job site. You're useless. Like, you know, if you're going to be on a construction site, you better be a jack of all trades. You better know everything, or at least a little bit of everything. Yeah, go ahead and go take it. My wife is cooking dinner right now. [00:03:51] Speaker B: It's going to be delicious. [00:03:53] Speaker A: And, you know, like, we started, like, an hour before the podcast, and I'm like, oh, yeah, this is going to suck. [00:04:04] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:04:06] Speaker A: But, yeah, I mean, like, I. I see so many goddamn people out here that don't know how to do, like, people don't know how to drive. Like. Like, this is why every truck driver in America is pissed off, is because people will treat us like, you know, cut us off, you know, illegally pass us, and then, you know, slow the down. I'm like, what, are you gaining now? Are you slowing me down? Guess what? Now someone doesn't get a delivery on time. [00:04:37] Speaker B: Maybe that person is you. [00:04:40] Speaker A: Like, like that. That's. That, like, that's my wet dream, is for, you know, somebody to cut me off. You know, go slow, and then, like, pull into, like, a customer, and then I have their tires on my truck, and, you know, they're, like, coming in screaming and being a little Karen, and I'm like, oh, I don't have these tires. Sorry. And I just throw them in the garbage. [00:05:06] Speaker B: I have twice accidentally cut off a client when driving on my way to work. [00:05:12] Speaker A: Yeah, don't. Don't be that person. You don't. [00:05:15] Speaker B: They were going 35. [00:05:18] Speaker A: It's like, you never know who is behind the wheel. Like, you know, you're. You're gonna forget me. I'm gonna remember your license plate. I might record it. I might, you know, find out where you live. And then, you know, truck drivers just become serial killers. Oh, like. Like, I. I have. I'm working on some audio dramas. You know, like, it's like Netflix for your ears, I guess. [00:05:49] Speaker B: Is it different from a podcast? [00:05:52] Speaker A: I mean, you could have it on a podcast platform, but it's like audiobook, you know, but, like, you have multiple people playing characters. So it's like a play just, you know, it's like a play for the blind. Like that. That's how I'm gonna put it. It's like blind people, get ready. You're gonna be able to hear everything, seeing people. Well, your eyes are gonna be useless. Might as well stab them with pencils to listen to this. I mean, I. I'm gonna have to, like, get some people that know how to write eloquently. Like. Like, eloquent is the most eloquent word I know. [00:06:37] Speaker B: It's a good word, though. [00:06:38] Speaker A: It's a fucking great word. But, you know, like, I have an audio drama about being a trucker serial killer, and, you know, eventually, you know, come out or I'll be lazy and just never get around to doing it. [00:06:54] Speaker B: I can be your editor. I'm really good with big words. [00:06:57] Speaker A: Well, do you know how to, like, write scripts and stuff? [00:07:00] Speaker B: Mean, the way, like, you read, like. [00:07:02] Speaker A: A Shakespeare play, the way, like, actors, you know. [00:07:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:07:08] Speaker A: Have to do. I'll figure it out. I'm just. I've been busy, so. I've been busy working, making money. Oh, cool. Motorcycles. Just racing through, like, that's another thing. Like, I don't understand people on bikes in the middle of winter. It's too damn cold. [00:07:26] Speaker B: I am also very confused by that. Like, what if there's ice? [00:07:30] Speaker A: There is. [00:07:31] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:07:32] Speaker A: And then, you know, when they hit that patch of ice, they go down, and then they're like, damn, road. And it's like, no, you're just an idiot that either doesn't have a car or decided to ride your bike because you think you're cool. [00:07:47] Speaker B: You're not cool when you ride your bike in the snow. As far as I'm concerned. [00:07:51] Speaker A: Now there are people that have snow tires for their bike and they're all fucking wrapped up and they, like, go on, like, you know, cross country, you know, adventures. [00:08:00] Speaker B: Oh, that's cool. [00:08:01] Speaker A: That is cool. But, you know, people that are like, yeah, I have A, you know, Honda or, like, any bike. And then they're like, I'm just going to ride it around and be loud with it. Like, I hate those people. I'm like, you. You put a bad name for everybody else, especially if you ride loud at, like, 2am I hate these people. And everyone's come across. I mean, south park even did a whole episode about it, you know, where they call them fags. And it's like they're, like, sitting in court and they're like, you know, imagine, like, there's a guy on a really loud Harley, you know, just ripping up and down the street. You know, what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Fag. Right? You know, and that's what it is. You know, if you have a Harley. Yes. You have loud pipes. You don't need to rev it at a red light. That's not going to make the light turn green any faster. No one's like, oh, my God, that guy has a Harley. So cool. You know, like, the. There are like. You know, like, the cool thing about it is you get to save money on gas on the off chance that you might die, you know, while writing. And then now I see, like, all these people splitting lanes out here, bringing their California ways out to Colorado, you know, splitting lanes and then dying all the time and then shutting down the road because, you know, the police have to, you know, scoop up guts into a bucket now, you know, so if you ride a motorcycle, don't be that person. Pretend you're in a car and pretend people can't see you. It's the best way to ride a bike. Like, what is one of your, you know, pet peeves? Courtney? [00:10:11] Speaker C: Me? [00:10:12] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:16] Speaker C: When you go too slow, like, when you go, like, way below the speed limit and then you speed up when you get someone tries to pass you. It is the most annoying thing ever. [00:10:36] Speaker A: I. I see that all the time. You know, with bigger v. Like, with RVs, like, RVs love doing that. Like, it'll be one lane and, like, there'll be like, 50 cars behind them, and then it'll open up to a passing lane, and then he'll speed the up, but, like, just fast enough to, like, you know, be like, equal to my speed. So I have to, like, get behind him, and then, like, 50 cars, like, blow by him, and then I'm like, okay, cool. Maybe he's gonna, you know, stay with the speed limit. And then second, it goes down to one lane, slows back down again, and it's like, yeah, th. This is where Serial killers are born like this, this right here, you know, like, like there's times where people will do that and then I see them pull into a gas station and I just want to pull in behind them and I have to stop myself. I have to be like, no, Alex, there's consequences to this action if you're going to get out and beat the ever living out of them, you know. And then like every once in a. [00:11:44] Speaker C: While, like, I feel like you need to change your profession. Some of these sooner or later because you're seriously probably going to have a heart attack or something because you're so stressed out. [00:11:56] Speaker A: Oh yeah, no, I'm road rage. Oh no, I don't, I don't road rage. I fantasize about it. [00:12:02] Speaker C: You so road rage. What the fuck are you talking about, Alex? [00:12:07] Speaker A: I fancy. [00:12:08] Speaker C: Seriously, even when you're the fucking passenger, you can't shut your mouth. [00:12:12] Speaker A: I fantasize about killing bad drivers. [00:12:16] Speaker C: Oh my God. [00:12:17] Speaker A: All the time. [00:12:18] Speaker C: That's exactly the point. [00:12:20] Speaker A: Yeah, should, should I, Yeah, like I switch jobs over to an office and then there'd be like, you know, a bunch of catty in the office and I fantasize about killing them. [00:12:30] Speaker C: You know, why don't you do a work from home plate thing? [00:12:35] Speaker A: Because they don't pay me what being a truck driver pays. Like, people forget that. It's like being a truck driver will, you know, get you quite a bit of scratch, you know, but you have to deal with idiots all day long. But every once in a while I do get a bit of karmic justice that like resets my whole meter. Like just, just this week, just earlier this week, like two days ago, I. I was traveling out and there is some like road construction. So they had like little temporary stop lights. And this guy pulls up behind me, you know, he's waiting and so I take off and there's a cop sitting right there in the, you know, construction area. And so I'm just, you know, going the speed limit, being a good boy because I'm not interested in getting a speeding ticket over some dumb. And this guy wants to pass me bad, but there's like no like good way to do it because it's, you know, double solid yellow all the way through. And so he passes me illegally anyway, and then takes the off and about three miles down the road he's pulled over by another copy. I'm like, ah, yes, the universe, you know, is good again. And it made me so very happy. And then like I made like all my deliveries in like the Next town. And like, you know, by the time I got an hour down the road, he finally caught up with me again. I'm like, hey, it's that guy. I'm like, how did that work out for you? Like, I kind of, like, wish, like, they would, you know, pull over like, like one of my customers. I'm like, how did that ticket work out for you, bud? You know, just to, you know, get into, like, their mind space back, you know, what were you thinking? You know, like, you're not going to save any time and. But yes, truck drivers are stressed out. So if you were a car on the road and you see a truck, if you see, you know, like a big giant, you know, oh, my gosh, he's delivering something. Get the fuck out of their way. [00:15:03] Speaker B: Especially the Amazon one. I mean, I want my packages, you. [00:15:10] Speaker A: Know, UPS, FedEx, it doesn't matter. I do respect FedEx. USPS. Like, I like FedEx better than UPS. I will say that straight out. [00:15:18] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, no fuck ups. That's how my grandma says says it. [00:15:25] Speaker A: I'm like, you know, UPS drivers are making, like, six figures. You better be running everywhere, you better be running hard. But then, you know, like, I have a few ups, you know, truck drivers that are friends, and I know what their truck looks like. So I'm like, ah, I can't get too mad at you guys, but if you're delivering to me and it says, hey, we're gonna deliver between this time and this time and you miss it, go yourselves. I like your new glasses, by the way. Those are new. [00:16:05] Speaker B: They are new so style. [00:16:15] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Like, I, I, I, I love going on, like, little rants like, like, I, I. But my favorite thing is, like, asking my gay friends, like, what's bothering them because they can articulate precisely what is bothering them in such a great, hilarious way and be catty about it, but be like, nice to someone's face, but, like, talk mad shit behind their back. Oh, hi. How are you doing? You know, I hate that bitch so much. She's such a fucking slut, you know. Then she comes back, oh, hi. Oh, my God, I love that dress. She's such a dirty skank. And it's like, I, like, do you have, like, I don't think my wife has any gay friends. Do you have any gay friends? [00:17:19] Speaker B: All my friends are at work. [00:17:24] Speaker A: Like, that's something else I don't do. Like, I don't, you know, I don't mix, like, friendships and work. Unless you quit. Unless you are out of My organization, then we can be friends outside of work. [00:17:39] Speaker B: So I am very close with my coworkers because we are all working 10 hour shifts. We're working with cats. We spend all our time on our feet with each other. Like, usually it's always at least two persons per kitty. And when there's no. When you have downtime, all you do is chat. And everyone likes to talk about themselves. And I always like to encourage it, because when someone's talking, I don't have to talk. And that's the best part. I love getting people to just go on and on, because then I can be like, nod my head, be like, oh, yeah, no, that's cool. And sometimes learn cool stuff about them, but when they're talking, I don't have to. And that's the best part. I'm a really good listener. [00:18:25] Speaker A: This is why truck drivers are all crazy. Because we spend all day by ourselves. [00:18:29] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:30] Speaker A: And we think we are the smartest person we know, because we are. [00:18:36] Speaker B: I mean, you're definitely the smartest driver. [00:18:39] Speaker A: I mean, not. Not every truck driver is a great driver. Like, I have definitely seen, you know, new drivers, and, like, there. There's a very good distinction between, like, the new drivers and the old ones. Like, you'll see him, like, kill it at a red light, and, like, it's like, all right, light turns green. Like, go, boom. And I'm like, you dumb idiot. You don't know how to go on a green. You see him restarting their truck because they, like, fucking, you know, can't clutch. And then you see, like, the, you know, old drivers and fuel drivers have, like. We all have, like, a kinship. It's like, we're all part of a brotherhood. You know, if we see each other at the fuel island back. Yeah. And we just, like, how long have you been driving? Oh, eight and a half years. How long you've been driving? Oh, five years. What's the craziest you've seen? [00:19:43] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh. [00:19:45] Speaker A: Yeah, we talk, you know, like. Like, I'd say the craziest thing I've seen is a Vespa scooter explode on i25. [00:19:58] Speaker B: That's amazing. [00:20:00] Speaker A: And I almost ran over the driver. [00:20:06] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:20:08] Speaker A: Yeah, good. You know, I'll. I'll. I'll tell the story. Yeah. My wife's going. Finishing up the food. So, like, it was, like, late, and it was, like, early in the morning. Like, you know, 3:00am and I. I'm heading out to go start my route, and it is pitch black. You can't See, and I see like this little Vespa scooter, you know, just, you know, pass by me doing like 80 miles an hour. And I'm like, oh, that's, that's interesting. [00:20:41] Speaker B: I didn't know if Vespas could go that fast. [00:20:44] Speaker A: Apparently, I mean, he fucking passed my ass. [00:20:47] Speaker B: I thought they maxed out at like 40 miles an hour. [00:20:50] Speaker C: I mean, no, they can go on the freeway. [00:20:54] Speaker A: It was hauling some ass. Apparently. Too much ass because the back tire on this Vespa just, you know, goes boom. And then I just see sparks and like the Vespas on the ground and like the dude that had everything with him just, you know, spills out over the highway, like pretty much like right in front of me. [00:21:14] Speaker B: Ah, poor dude. [00:21:17] Speaker A: And you know, like his body is like on the road. I'm like, I just swerve hard as to get around him. And so I like stop my truck, you know, because I'm not a piece of. And I want to make sure I didn't kill him. [00:21:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:32] Speaker A: And so I like go over. I'm like, dude, dude. You know, and he's like, you know, all adrenaline. He's like, oh. And there's no one else on the road. And so we're like grabbing his vest. But taking off the road, it's. It's gone. [00:21:47] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, of course. Just insurance cover that. [00:21:51] Speaker A: He didn't have insurance. He was like a 21 year old kid. [00:21:55] Speaker B: Oh, poor thing. [00:21:56] Speaker A: So like we're like grabbing all his and just like moving it to the side. And he's banged up. I think he like broke an arm, you know, bleeding all over the place. And you know, I'm like, yeah, I'll call the cops. And he's like, oh, don't, dude, don't call the cops. Do not call the cops. Just like, can you take me to the hospital? I'm like, I'm like, yeah, okay. You know, cuz I understand where he's coming from. Like A, he'd have to pay for, you know, an ambulance to get him there, which would be like, you know, $20,000. And then B, he'd have to like, you know, deal with the cops or just out there to write a ticket and be about it and really add nothing to the situation that we've already fixed. So I like, I, I went against, you know, my company and put him in the truck, you know, and it was only like, you know, 10 miles up the road to the hospital anyway. [00:23:01] Speaker B: And that's good karma. [00:23:03] Speaker A: Yeah. So I'm like, I'm Just, like, sitting there talking to him, you know, making sure he's, like, not dying. [00:23:09] Speaker B: Making sure he stays awake. [00:23:10] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, he had a helmet on, so that's good. That's probably what saved. [00:23:15] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:23:16] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, Totes. [00:23:18] Speaker A: But, you know, I'm just, like, you know, getting, like, his life story and all that and blah, blah, blah, and he's like, yeah, I was just going up to Wollsenburg here. I'm like, oh, dude, you almost made it. Like, you're 10 miles away from, like, just being done. Hey, Mochi. And, like, then I pull into, like, the, you know, the hospital, a little round, like, with the error, and he just, you know, gets out, and I never seen him since. Never heard nothing from it. Never told my company about it. And. And now it's been so long that they. There's definitely no footage of this. Like, I have footage of it because I had a dash cam of his. Yeah. Of his bike, you know, blowing up. [00:24:08] Speaker C: Wow. Jeez. [00:24:12] Speaker A: And me, like, coming inches from his head. Yeah. He. He, like, saw my truck coming, and he's like, I'm dead. I'm like, no, I'm. I'm a good driver. [00:24:29] Speaker C: Yeah. Oh, my gosh. That is so good. [00:24:36] Speaker A: And then I. I've, like, killed, like, 11 deer. You know? [00:24:39] Speaker B: Like, who cares about mice? [00:24:43] Speaker A: Deer. [00:24:44] Speaker B: Nice. [00:24:45] Speaker A: Deer are not mice. [00:24:46] Speaker B: You told me deer and mice are the same thing. [00:24:48] Speaker A: Pretty much, yeah. They're, like, pains in the ass. [00:24:52] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:24:53] Speaker A: And, like, the only time I've ever, like, gotten a phone call about it is, like, the one time I didn't kill the deer. Like, I. I hit it, it bounced, and then got up and ran away. Like, deer are too tough for their own good. I hate deer. Like, we. We should just be, like, open season on deer. Go ahead and eradicate them. Who cares? You know? Like, what do deer actually bring other than, like, feeding w. [00:25:27] Speaker B: They play their part in the ecosystem. They help, like, keep down the grass, that kind of stuff. Someone's gotta eat all the dead twigs and that. I don't know how. Dear. I know you're a part of the ecosystem. I know they're there to be preyed upon, and that's all that I care about. I don't care about herbivores. [00:25:40] Speaker A: I love the thought that my wife's like, the deer eat dead twigs. She just, like, had. If you had, like, a pet deer, you're just, like, out there feeding it dead twigs. [00:25:52] Speaker B: No. I felt so confident, and I realized halfway through, I'm like, actually, I don't know. What I'm talking about. And I was just like, okay, I said dig twigs because I know elephants eat trees when there's a drought. And that just kind of connected for me. [00:26:06] Speaker A: What? Yeah, they eat trees? [00:26:10] Speaker B: Yeah. It gets water. [00:26:11] Speaker C: Yeah, they do. [00:26:13] Speaker A: They'll chew on the stalks. [00:26:15] Speaker B: No, they, like, chew at, like, the base, like, to get into the core. [00:26:19] Speaker C: Yeah. Because of the water content in there. [00:26:23] Speaker B: But the trees that they eat are, like, super good at, like, healing and stuff. So, like, it's okay. [00:26:29] Speaker A: I imagine like an elephant, like, the tusks keep on getting in the way. It's like, trying to eat this tree. Tusks. God damn it. And they're just, like, really upset. [00:26:41] Speaker C: It probably helps, actually, because they could scrape it off. [00:26:47] Speaker A: Like, maybe the bark. I mean, elephants are just tough. I feel like they can just put a foot on the tree and just snap it and back. There we go. It's like you have a straw. Like, can they, like, fucking eat with, like, their nose? Like, their trunk? Like, is their trunk their nose? [00:27:08] Speaker B: Their trunk is their nose. Yes. However, they still. The trunk brings food up to their mouth. They eat through their mouth, but, like. [00:27:17] Speaker A: Can they drink through their trunk? [00:27:19] Speaker B: Yes. [00:27:21] Speaker A: So, like, their trunk is a mouth. I mean, like, where am I wrong in this logic? [00:27:28] Speaker B: Okay. I view eating and drinking as two separate things. [00:27:31] Speaker A: Do you drink from your mouth? Do you eat from your mouth? [00:27:35] Speaker B: Yeah, but. Okay, when you eat, do you drink from your nose? Not on purpose. [00:27:41] Speaker A: You don't. [00:27:43] Speaker B: Okay, well. Okay. Eating implies mastication. If I'm not masticating, I'm drinking. [00:27:50] Speaker A: So you masticate your soup. [00:27:53] Speaker B: Yes. Especially if it has chunks in it. [00:27:56] Speaker A: Tomato soup? [00:27:57] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. [00:27:58] Speaker C: No, not tomato soup. [00:27:59] Speaker B: Tomato soup. [00:28:00] Speaker C: Something that's pureed already. [00:28:01] Speaker B: Okay. The only way to eat tomato soup is dipping your fucking, like, toasted cheese sandwich in it. [00:28:07] Speaker C: So true. Oh, my God. [00:28:09] Speaker A: That they have a name. [00:28:11] Speaker B: I mean, it's basically pizza, but it's still good. [00:28:13] Speaker A: It's called a grilled cheese sandwich. [00:28:15] Speaker B: What? Did. Did I say toasted? [00:28:16] Speaker A: You said a toasted cheese sandwich. [00:28:18] Speaker B: I couldn't remember the word, and I knew I did my best. [00:28:22] Speaker A: Okay, Some Foreigner. [00:28:24] Speaker B: Okay. Oh, my God. No, you guys don't understand. I am slowly losing control of my speech. Okay? [00:28:30] Speaker A: It's all right. I'm slowly losing my fucking short term memory. [00:28:34] Speaker B: I thought you were going to say your sanity. [00:28:35] Speaker A: But no, like. Like, I have. [00:28:39] Speaker B: Shouldn't that help your sanity? [00:28:41] Speaker A: No, see, like, it sucks because, you know, like, I. I'll get to the front of my truck after unloading, and I can't Remember if I closed and locked my back door? And I'm like. And so I have to be militant about it is a good thing. And I have to, like, you know, force myself to have, like, a bit of OCD about it. You know, be like, okay, I'm, you know, put the gas up. Okay, close the gas cap. Put the gas. You know, I always do. But, you know, I. I have that anxiety the entire time I'm driving that I think, like, my door is up and everything in the back of my truck is just flying out. [00:29:29] Speaker B: Oh. Because you can't see it, can you? [00:29:30] Speaker A: I cannot see it at all. And it gives me, like, the worst anxiety ever. And so I have to, like, be weirdly militant about, you know, didn't you. [00:29:43] Speaker B: Have it like, an AI in your truck now? Like, would it know if the doors are open? [00:29:46] Speaker A: No. [00:29:47] Speaker B: Oh, then what's the point of it? [00:29:48] Speaker A: Oh, it doesn't work. [00:29:49] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:29:50] Speaker A: We put AI in it, and from the moment it got delivered, it did not work. Never worked. [00:30:00] Speaker B: Oh, my God. That's so corporate. [00:30:03] Speaker A: And. But, like, I. I have, like, a weird side guard that will, like, scream at me, like, any times. Like, I'm, like, at a stoplight and like, somebody, like, walks by on the sidewalk, it's like, oh, my God, you're gonna hit somebody. And, like, be, be, be, be, be. And I'm like, what. What are you doing? You know? Or if, like, I'm too close to, like, a bush, they'll be like, what are you. You're killing everybody. You're murdering the world. I'm like, okay, yes, I am murdering the world. I. I love the fact that, like, everyone's still talking about this Luigi Mangion guy. [00:30:51] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. [00:30:53] Speaker A: Like, apparently he has, like, a new attorney. It's like, yeah, we. We know you did it. You're a hero of the people. You know, just go out and be like, yep, I did that. Like, don't. You don't even need a lawyer. Like, I guarantee you, you'll have the nicest life in prison. You can have any of the boys you want, and you get out and you're. You're. You're a hero of the people. Except, like, the, you know, United Health is just going to replace them with brand new people all the time. It's like, oh, yeah, here's a new CEO. Did you just go to get a beer? [00:31:41] Speaker B: No. The cheese isn't bubbling. [00:31:43] Speaker A: The cheese isn't bubbling. [00:31:45] Speaker B: No, I want the cheese bubbly and brown. [00:31:49] Speaker C: What are you guys having for dinner? [00:31:51] Speaker B: Stuffed Bell peppers. [00:31:53] Speaker C: Oh, my. [00:31:54] Speaker B: But I want the cheese to be, like, all the way. Like. Okay. [00:31:57] Speaker A: When you're cooking, are you broiling it or. [00:31:59] Speaker B: No, I'm not broiling it. [00:32:01] Speaker A: That's how you do that. [00:32:02] Speaker B: I know. I did that once, and I ruined it. [00:32:05] Speaker A: I mean, you. Like. It's just flames, like, directly on top of it. [00:32:09] Speaker B: I know. [00:32:09] Speaker A: It's like a flamethrower that, you know, shoots down. Like. [00:32:14] Speaker B: Okay, no. I have had dreadful attempts with that broiler. Okay? I've tried using it five times, and four out of five times, I fucking filled this house up with smoke. It was dreadful. I haven't used it since. [00:32:24] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, you don't do it, like, right at the top shelf. You do it, like, in the middle shelf and then broil and then. [00:32:31] Speaker B: I don't know how broiling works. I've just been fiddling around with it and ruining food. So without bothering to educate myself, which I could have done, but have I done. So no. [00:32:39] Speaker A: Yeah, you just go on YouTube like that. That's, like, my favorite part about the American education system. It's YouTube. Like, anything you want to know about anything. You know, how do I do algebra? YouTube.com. [00:32:57] Speaker B: Youtube'S dope as fuck. PBS has so many channels on it. [00:33:01] Speaker A: It's YouTube. And Wikipedia has taught America all it needs to know. And Facebook has taught the older generation a bunch of bullshit. [00:33:13] Speaker B: Facebook is the highest source of false information. [00:33:17] Speaker A: Like, I don't know why people, like, look at a story on Facebook and like, oh, yeah, this is a hundred percent true. [00:33:25] Speaker B: Because it's the first time they've been exposed to it. And your brain is programmed to believe the first thing that's given to you as truth. Because back when we were, like, fucking. We had. Back when we were, like, just. Okay. Back when we were basically like, unevolved apes. Like, if you heard the wind rustle and you assumed it was a predator and you moved away, you moved away from it and you lived. Your brain's like, yes, you believe that was a predator. We left. We are still alive. So your brain is programmed to believe the first bit of information it receives as truth. Which means if you want to be person who steps outside their body and is actually truly intelligent, you need to question your first source of information. Like, I have. Like, whenever I learn something, I'm like, oh, that sounds true. And I'm like, oh, no, wait. And I look it up. I have come across so much false information that I would have accepted as true if I didn't understand that I need to look for resources to confirm it. [00:34:20] Speaker A: I mean, like, I. Like, I'm sure, like, probably a good 60% of the stories that I tell on this podcast are fake. You know, that. That's fine. Like, I. I don't get paid for it. I don't have to go, you know, make sure that, you know, everything is here. You know, like, mysterious drones seen across country now emerging in Texas. [00:34:41] Speaker B: So they weren't in Texas before? [00:34:44] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:34:45] Speaker C: You know, they're, like, popping up everywhere. [00:34:49] Speaker B: Does it matter? [00:34:51] Speaker A: Yeah, everyone has drones. Like, I don't know why people are freaking out about it now. [00:34:59] Speaker C: Yeah, but they weren't flying them in airspace and, like, over our military stuff. [00:35:04] Speaker A: Yeah, they. They shut down, like, a airport, didn't they? Yeah, they shut down a New York airport. [00:35:13] Speaker B: Okay. I don't think I understand what's going on. What the. Are mystery drones? [00:35:17] Speaker A: Just people, like, probably just flying dumbass drones. [00:35:21] Speaker B: Like, people just being stupid or like the government's trying to do something? [00:35:24] Speaker A: No, people are just being stupid. [00:35:26] Speaker B: Oh, okay. [00:35:28] Speaker A: Like. Like, let's read this story. An airport in Orange County, New York, was forced to shut. Okay, so not an important airport. No one gives a. Yep, it ain't JFK or any of the other good ones was forced to shut down Friday night as a mysterious drone activity. Block the airspace. Just fly through the drones around, find out. Boom. You don't get your drones back there. You go, shoot them out of the sky. Like, give, like rednecks. Like, big, hey, here's a.22. Shoot these drones out the sky. We'll give you $10 for each one. Oh, hell yeah, brother. And then, you know, like, the fucking rednecks are, like, you know, getting beer money to shoot drones out of the sky. [00:36:14] Speaker B: I want beer money. [00:36:16] Speaker A: They'd love it. I'd love it, actually. But, yeah. Drones have been spotted in recent weeks across New Jersey and neighboring states, prompting concern among residents and lawmakers, launching investigations by the FBI and other law enforcement agencies. The FBI says that it received over 3,000 tips related to drone sightings, with most of the purported observations occurring at night. Blah, blah, blah. Last night, runways at Stewart Airfield were shut down for approximately one hour due to drone activity in the airspace. So, yeah, it's. It's more than likely some dumbass kids, you know, like, oh, look, let's do a bunch of drone dumb bullshit, and now no one can do anything about it. [00:37:03] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh. [00:37:06] Speaker A: I mean, it. It's dumb a hundred percent of the time. And, you know, just. Just don't sell Drones to people they don't need. Drones, like, sell, like a car, like, make it to where you have to, like, register your drone with who you are. And, like, if a drones, like, activated it, like, GPS pings it so it knows who, like, owns that drone. I mean, I'd be down for that. You know, it like, you flying a drone is not a right in this country. Make it a privilege. Make it to where you need to get a license to fly a drone. I mean, if you want to fly a drone over a certain height, you need to get an FFA license, but other than that, no, I can. I can go on Amazon right now, order a drone with a camera on it and just fly it around South Park. Even did an episode about that where like, you know, people were going through and peeking on their neighbors and be like, oh, what are they doing? And then just turned into a whole nightmare. Let's see. Holy. I already burned through a lot of this episode. God damn, I love beer. [00:38:47] Speaker B: Beer's the best. [00:38:49] Speaker A: Oh, and we saw the new Lord of the Rings movie. [00:38:52] Speaker B: It was so good. Oh, my God, it was amazing. I had so much fun. [00:38:56] Speaker A: I didn't. [00:38:57] Speaker B: The ending was so much better than I thought it was going to be like three quarters of the movie. I was like, oh, my God, the ending is going to be so sad and awful. And no, it was fine. And quite honestly, she was girl bossing it by the end, so it was perfect. [00:39:09] Speaker A: It was written by a feminist man. I can tell. Yeah. I'm not gonna spoil anything for it because the movie did just come out. [00:39:20] Speaker B: It's so good. You totally watch it. And the music is Chef Kiss. Oh, my God, the music's amazing. [00:39:28] Speaker A: But what was hilarious is I was expecting this place to be packed, as was I for a Lord of the Rings movie. We had the entire row to ourselves. [00:39:38] Speaker B: It was nice. Like, it's nice not being in a crowded theater, but like, when I went to go to the theaters to watch the Lord of the Rings, like the old movies, because they had them in theater for a while that was packed. So I was like. I mean, it is like a early. It's like a mid afternoon on a Saturday. [00:39:58] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, still. Yeah, it's a Saturday. [00:40:02] Speaker B: We had the place to ourselves, though, which was nice. [00:40:05] Speaker A: And I didn't even get a hand job. It's crazy. [00:40:09] Speaker B: There were people directly behind us. [00:40:13] Speaker A: Yeah. Watching the movie. They show me, watching me. [00:40:15] Speaker B: It was too uncomfortable for me to reach over. There were two armrests in the way. [00:40:20] Speaker A: You know, I. I was balls Deep in my popcorn, so it's fine. [00:40:25] Speaker B: Popcorn was good. Movie theater popcorn tastes so much better than popcorn you make in your microwave. [00:40:30] Speaker A: Yeah, because they don't make it in a microwave. They make it in a weird metal pot. [00:40:35] Speaker C: Yeah, we have one of those. [00:40:37] Speaker A: You have a popcorn maker? [00:40:39] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. [00:40:41] Speaker A: Like, I don't know. [00:40:42] Speaker B: Do you like it? Yeah, it tastes pretty good. [00:40:46] Speaker A: Like, I. Yeah. [00:40:47] Speaker C: Plus, like, you can use, like. [00:40:52] Speaker B: You. [00:40:52] Speaker C: Should just try a bunch of different brands and then find the one you like the best. And then they also have ones where you, There's a glass bowl that you can put in the microwave. A glass, and you add the seeds, add the popcorn stuff to the bowl, and then put the butter on top and then it pops for you. [00:41:21] Speaker A: Or you can just, you know, make it an actual pot and just put oil in the bottom and, you know, coat the kernels with the oil and, you know, call it good. [00:41:30] Speaker B: No. [00:41:35] Speaker A: But on to the next story. This one is for you, babe, from npr. [00:41:44] Speaker B: If it's not a TED Talk, it's. [00:41:46] Speaker A: Better than TED Talks. [00:41:47] Speaker B: Nothing's better than TED Talks. [00:41:49] Speaker A: This is npr. [00:41:51] Speaker B: If it's not a TED Talk. [00:41:54] Speaker A: Okay. Why you should take a fart walk after a meal. Post meal walks to release gas called fart walks have become popular on social media. NPR's health correspondent Maria Godoy says the science, says the science is solid. On the trend. She shares that many health benefits come from walking after. Yeah, of course. Many health benefits come from just walking, you idiot. Better digestion, more balanced blood sugar levels, and a healthier gut microbiome. [00:42:32] Speaker B: That's what beer does for you. It gives you micro diversity. [00:42:39] Speaker A: And then she, like, leaves. [00:42:41] Speaker B: Literally, there's this science studies showing how drinking beer is good for your gut. [00:42:45] Speaker A: Yeah, everything is good for your gut and bad for your gut. [00:42:51] Speaker C: Seriously. I mean, I hate beer. I don't understand how people can like it. [00:42:59] Speaker A: I, I mean, like, I like it because it's cheap, but beer will never get me drunk. Like, if I want to get drunk, I have to start hammering shots and a lot of them. Like, the, it can't be like, oh, I'm gonna, you know, do like three shots and make woo drunk. You know, it's like I have to hammer like eight shots in a row and then I'll feel a buzz like that. That's why I don't go to the bar to like, drink to get drunk. Like, people like, you know, you have another one. I'm like, no, have like just one beer. But yeah, I mean, like, I, I, most of the Time. I hate when people, like, follow trends on Tick tock. But yeah, this. This, know, after meal walk, not a terrible idea. [00:44:03] Speaker C: I mean, usually I. I've wanted to start doing that. Oh, go for a walk. Or. Or I do the beat saber for a couple songs. [00:44:15] Speaker A: I mean, like, you know, go for a walk, come back, do some beat saber, you know, just, you know, and then it's like, hell yes. Is your cheese bubbling now? [00:44:27] Speaker B: Yeah, it's out of the oven. I'm gonna let it rest for a couple minutes and then I'll serve it. [00:44:30] Speaker A: We're almost done. [00:44:32] Speaker C: Yep. [00:44:36] Speaker A: All right, we'll get on to Am I the Asshole by shoddy Master Dawn 60. Whatever. Am I the asshole for kicking my parents out of the wedding after they tried to bring my estranged brother? [00:44:52] Speaker B: Absolutely not. [00:44:54] Speaker A: I, 29, male. Recently married, the love of my life, 27, female. The wedding was everything we dreamed of, except for one major issue caused by my parents. For context, I am estranged from my older brother Luke, 35, male. He bullied me relentlessly throughout my childhood. Verbally, emotionally, and even physically. My parents always downplayed it, brushed it off as normal sibling stuff, but it wasn't. Luke made my life hell for years, and when I finally went no contact with him five years ago, it was one of the best decisions I ever made. My parents, however, never accepted my choice. They constantly tried to guilt me into reconciling, saying, family is everything and Luke has changed. I stood firm, though, because I knew letting him back in my life was only going to bring pain. When my fiance and I were planning our wedding, I made it clear to my parents that Luke was not invited. I even told them that if they tried to bring him, I'd ask them to leave. They reluctantly agreed. Or so I thought. The day of my wedding, we are getting guests before the ceremony and I see my parents walk in with Luke. My heart sank. I immediately pulled them aside and asked him what the hell they were doing. My mom said we couldn't leave him out because he's still family and thought once I saw him, I'd get over it. I was furious and I told them they had two options. Either leave with Luke or they can leave without them. But he wasn't staying. My dad started arguing, saying I was being dramatic and ruining my own wedding. While my mom started crying about how I was tearing the family apart. I stood my ground and I told them, leave. In the end, they stormed out with Luke and neither of them stayed for the ceremony. The rest of the day was amazing, but now the Fallout has begun. My parents have been blowing up my phone, accusing me of humiliating them in front of the family. Extended relatives are divided. Some say I did the right thing, while others say I overreacted and should have just kept the peace for one day. Nope. Even though a couple of my friends said I had could have handled it more quietly by letting him stay, but ignoring him. My wife is a hundred percent on my side, but I can't help feeling conflicted. Am I the for standing in my ground and kicking my parents out of the wedding? [00:47:27] Speaker B: The rest of the day was amazing, period. [00:47:32] Speaker A: Edit for more context. Luke hasn't apologized or even acknowledged the pain he caused me. My parents idea of reconciliation is pertaining the past never happened. Also, my wife and I paid for the wedding ourselves, so my parents had no financial stake in it. And for those of you talking about blocking them, I don't think I'm able to do that. They're my parents. No, you're not the your parents, you know, kind of pieces of there, you know, but you should have just like, you know, kicked Luke out, you know, had, you know, one of your friends, you know, take Luke outside and like, you know, okay, you need to leave. You know, get an Uber for him and send them somewhere else while your parents get to. [00:48:32] Speaker C: But their parents probably won't have like, they would have like not gone with that. [00:48:38] Speaker A: No, you don't tell the parents that. That's the hilarious part is you just like, you know, have one of the friends make, oh, hey, Luke, I need to come with me. And then you like, you know, try them to like, you know, a bridal store, like halfway across town, drop them off, make, hey, can you go in? We need to get the bow tie really quick for the wedding and then drive off without him. [00:48:59] Speaker B: Okay, this isn't about Luke being at the wedding per se. This is also about his parents completely ignoring his boundaries. He is 100. [00:49:07] Speaker A: Yeah, no, the parents are an. But like that, that's like another way you could have handled it and then just let left him stranded at this place halfway across town. And then, you know, after the ceremony, you can be like, hey, parents, you know, your little golden boys over there, go get them and leave. And then it becomes hilarious, you know, bully your brother, bully him back. You know, now you're an adult, you know, now you can beat the out of him back. You know, stand up for yourself. Like, you know, embarrass the out of him. You know, is your brother married? Does your brother have anything. Let's see what the comments say. But yes, your parents are. And you're not the. Obviously not. The setting boundaries isn't tearing the family apart. Your parents did that by ignoring your pain and trying to force Luke back in your life. Good for you for standing up for yourself. I'm not the Blowing up your phone. There's a button for that. Block them. Yeah. You know, get the them. Therapy. [00:50:39] Speaker C: Yep. [00:50:40] Speaker B: I mean, therapy's good. Absolute tits. Therapy is hard, though. It's hard. [00:50:56] Speaker C: Yep. [00:50:56] Speaker A: But yeah, you do what you have to do. [00:51:04] Speaker C: Oh my. [00:51:05] Speaker A: All right, now for relationship advice by who's this wish was Saloon 15 salon? I don't know. Husband, 30 male, says I do nothing as a stay at home mom, 29 female, and I'm not sure what to do. My husband, 30 male, and I, 29, female, recently got into an argument about money and bills. During the argument, he mentioned that I do nothing all day as a stay at home mom and I should get another job. I already work part time and I feel like I get the wind knocked out of me. To be honest, I was so hurt by this. All day I do everything but nothing. All of the cleaning, cooking and household management. But I'm a mom of 10 months old. My minimal free time is spent trying to make money online. I hate our demand, our dynamic. But this is it. He pays the mortgage and I pay everything else. Utilities, groceries, my own phone bill, car insurance, medical bills from having a baby. And I stopped working after having my son because I couldn't make enough to cover child care. My salary and childcare would cancel out until I recently started working for my old boss seasonally, but that's almost over. But I've been living the past 10 months of off my savings and now it's gone and I can't even afford my son's first Christmas. Truly heartbroken and stressed. I'm not sure what to do for money as a stay at home mom. I know it's my own fault for not having a proper career, but I'm willing to put work but I'm willing to put the work in however possible. Can anyone give me any options? I really can't rely on family for child care and I really can't afford much childcare. I have experience logging mochi and web design, but no degree. I'm on Fiverr, LinkedIn. I'm just lost. Can someone help me? Am I screwed girl? [00:53:09] Speaker B: The fuck? [00:53:11] Speaker A: Yeah. Her husband's all pissy because she's a stay at home mom. Yeah, that. That's a job, you know, just being a stay at home mom and I. I see where your husband's coming from. [00:53:27] Speaker B: This is a huge disbalance. [00:53:30] Speaker A: So, you know, what you do is you tell your husband this. Be like, I'm willing to do, like, only fans or something like that. To where he's like, oh, no, don't do that. And then it's like, okay, then stop bitching and complaining about it, you know, because, like, how else am I supposed to make money and take care of our kid? [00:53:51] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:53:54] Speaker A: Mochi, would you stop? I know. Would you. Would you like to say hi to the people here? Say. Say hello. See there, half second. [00:54:11] Speaker B: Asmr. [00:54:13] Speaker A: Yeah. Little purring. She's like just my baby girl cat that, you know, loves just me. Yes, she should, like. Would you lay down or something? No. Okay, but that. That's it. We will be back next week. We're gonna go eat some dinner now. [00:54:36] Speaker B: It's gonna be. It's gonna be the bomb. [00:54:40] Speaker A: And we'll see you all next week. Bye. Get off. I need to. I need to stop the recording. Mochi, hop off. Thank you.