Solo Run

[00:00:03] All righty. All righty. [00:00:05] Yeah, I did start it. Good. This is the human podcast. This week, it's gonna be a solo episode. Just me. Just Alex, the truck. You know, I, I, I'm the only one here. The girls aren't feeling well. [00:00:18] Courtney's, you know, doing some other. It's fine. [00:00:22] So it's just gonna be me, which is fine. [00:00:28] But I have come up with a brilliant idea because, like, I've seen so much bullshit about, you know, homeless people and starving people in Africa and, oh, no, how awful it is. [00:00:43] What if we took pictures of these people and made a card game out of it? What. What if we, like, took, like, homeless people in America and starving people in Africa and, like, turn them into, like, you know, creature cards, Like Magic the Gathering or Pokemon. [00:01:01] I know, Mo, I'm talking in the mic and you're not here, and you must be here. Come on. Yep. Okay. [00:01:10] And, like, made it, like, a whole fucking thing and then gave, you know, the benefits of this card game to these fucking, you know, in need people. [00:01:20] And, you know, you could, you know, immediately make, you know, Africa a great place. [00:01:28] You could immediately, you know, solve, like, a lot of homelessness here in America, because these card games are a printing press for money. And it's great. [00:01:40] We should do it. You know, like, you, you could have, like, you know, a whole series just dedicated to, like, starving kids and, you know, Africa. And it's like, this is, you know, Zimbabwe. He has been starving for 13 days. [00:01:53] And, you know, just like, have, like, you know, my Zimbabwe attacks your village and eats, like, three of your watermelons. And, you know, it'll get, you know, I'm sure racist at points, but that, that's how you sell the game. You sell the game by, you know, upsetting white people, you know, like, these righteous fucking white people. [00:02:18] And boom, you know, the game sells itself, and people are like, I want this game just because it's slightly racist and risque. [00:02:28] And then you have homeless people, you have crackheads, you know, and you just take. Take pictures like crackheads and make, ah, this guy is fucking missing an army, you know, all the fucking homeless people. And you can just, like, you know, mix and match and be like, you can have, like, warlords in, like, the Africa series. It'd be great. [00:02:49] And just like, different countries and you can learn about the fucking world. [00:02:53] And, you know, it's like, okay, I'm gonna buy a bunch of these, you know, homeless children ones instead of, you know, having, you know, some bitch on a commercial bank. If you just give us 30 cents a month. You could feed a starving child in Africa. Nah, I want fucking playing cards. I want some form of goddamn money. [00:03:11] And, you know, for $10 for a fucking pack of cards, you know, like little starving Marvin's. Hell, yeah. [00:03:17] You know, I'll be able to, like, just send them bitches, you know, a bunch of money. You know, hell, Hasbro can even have this idea if they, like, cut me a check for, like, $10,000. Boom. You can do all the fucking work. You ain't gonna do it because it's a fucking thing that's going to get you in so much goddamn trouble with all these goddamn liberals. It'll be hilarious to watch. But I don't care. [00:03:41] You need someone, like Cards against Humanity to run this and be hilarious. [00:03:48] Yes, Mo. [00:03:51] Yeah, and then you can, like, upgrade it to, like, you know, crazy cat ladies here in America. [00:03:57] Yes. [00:03:59] Can you. Can you not. Can you not do that? [00:04:03] That would be fantastic if you just, like, did, like, other things that were. Not that. [00:04:11] I'm giving you love. I've given you love all day long. You're such a needy cat. [00:04:19] You know, here's the thing with having, you know, cats versus having dogs. You know, if you have a dog, it's going to be loud, it's going to be, you know, barky and all kinds of shit, but it will sleep throughout the night. They all do. They all sleep throughout the entire fucking night like humans do. Boom. [00:04:34] They're all sleeping. I'm going to sleep. You know, unless, like, some fucking crazy young guy breaks in your house. Cats, they'll sleep whenever the fuck they want, and then they don't give a shit about your sleep schedule. It's like, oh, it's 3:00am they're jumping off your head like a fucking bounce house. They don't care. They'll start meowing in your face and, you know, waking you up. They don't. They're inconsiderate little. And it. It's fine, you know, but they're both cute in their own way. [00:05:06] I love dogs. I love cats. [00:05:09] But, you know, a cat you can just, like, leave by itself, and it's fine. And it only wants, you know, love when it's most inconvenient for you. [00:05:18] So just. Just know that, you know, if you. If you want a cat, it wants love when it's inconvenient for you, you know, and if you have a dog, you know, a dog will accept love, you know, whatever. [00:05:32] And. And the rest of the time, I'll just, like, lay Down. You have like, activate a dog. You have to, like, come on, you want to go play? And it's like, oh, yeah, time for loves, you know, Come on, time for bed. And, oh, yeah, time for bed. Like, they understand that. Cat's like, nah, they don't understand anything. They're just like, okay, that's fine. Go to bed. You know, it's time for bed. Yeah, off, you know, they'll come up and tell you when it's time for. It's like, oh, hey, it's time for dinner. [00:06:00] Time to, you know, feed me in my mouth hole, you know, hold, you know, feed the fat and the beast and that. That's really what needs to go down. [00:06:11] And I love all that good shit. [00:06:17] But, yeah, just. Just make a, you know, a card game about humanity and then, you know, pit them all against each other. You know, you can do, like, even, you know, maga versus extreme left wings. You know, there's infinite, you know, combinations that you can do on this whole card game. And if you're one of these few people that are listening to this shit, you're getting a great, you know, million dollar idea. [00:06:42] And, you know, Lord knows I'm too lazy to actually fucking, you know, come up with it, but it's fine. [00:06:49] Yeah, because I. I drive a truck, you know, every fucking day, and I have to deal with, like, bicyclists on the road. [00:06:56] Like, I've come to a realization. [00:06:59] It's. It's a double standard that only I do, and I must be the only one. May probably not, but anytime I see a kid riding their bike around, I'm like, oh, yay, Good for that kid. Heck yeah. You know, they're, you know, they're outside getting exercise. Not inside, not on their iPad. Hell yeah. You know, good for you, kid. You know, even if they're inconveniencing me, even if they're like, illegally crossing the road in front of my truck, I'm like, I don't care. You know, you're out and about, you know, hanging out with friends. Heck yes. [00:07:30] Anytime I see an adult on a bicycle, I'm like, get inside. Get on your fucking laptop. Go the fuck to work. [00:07:37] What the fuck are you doing outside on a fucking bicycle? Fuck you. [00:07:42] And there's a distinct difference between, like, the homeless people on their bicycles because they have their entire life on it, and the people that fucking dress up in spandex and have a bike that's worth more than my truck, you know, to be on the side of a fucking highway. That distinctly says do not ride your fucking bicycles here. You will die, and no one will be a fucking witness to your death. And that's just that, you know, like, I see them all the fucking time. They'll be like, on Interstate I25. And I'm like, what the fuck are you guys doing? [00:08:15] Why are you out here? [00:08:17] Why are you bicycling around a road that has a speed limit of 75 miles an hour? You can very easily have blown off your fucking bike. [00:08:27] And, you know, if you have an inattentive driver, which, it's Colorado, so there's a lot of those out here, but, boom, you're dead. It's not, oh, I got clipped. I broke an arm. No, no, it's. Someone hit you at 80 miles an hour, and you are a fucking meat crayon. You know, what do you gain from doing all this? Like, this is really what I fucking want to know is, like, what do you actually fucking gain? [00:08:50] Are you, you know, like, gonna be a fucking hero? Is someone gonna be like, oh, thank God you fucking rode your bike here and inconvenienced, you know, all the fucking, you know, people? And especially when there's no goddamn shoulder. Like, if you're taking back roads, I'm like, okay, I get it. If you're, you know, just, like, a homeless person. [00:09:10] Yeah, I'm like, I can understand it. You need to move around, and you don't have enough for a car. But when you have enough for a fucking car, be in that car and take your bike to fucking, you know, bike lanes and, you know, areas that are dedicated for your fucking bicycle. [00:09:28] You're a piece of shit. Especially if you're, you know, like, I see it all the goddamn time. They're like, oh, yeah, I have three inches of road here, and there's, you know, one lane. And, oh, yeah, there's a bunch of, you know, people. And now everyone has to stop for me as I, you know, struggle to bike up this fucking hill for the next mile. And there's just, like, you know, a mile of fucking traffic behind you because you're a piece of shit. [00:09:55] I, I, I. And I have no problem if you want to exercise. If you're like, I want to ride my bike in the sun. Get a stationary bike, take it outside, ride that in the yard. Boom. Go to a gym, ride, you know, stationary bike there. Boom. You know, go, you know, get a mountain bike. You know, at least people on mountain bikes going down dangerous paths, they're not inconveniencing anybody else. And. And, you know, they'll get hurt themselves all the time. They're like, oh, yeah, I fell, you know, here, I scraped the out of my knee. Check out the pictures. And they're, you know, more badass. They'll fucking take their bike, you know, put it on the back of their, you know, Jeep, and not pay the registration because the bike now obstructs that registration sticker. [00:10:41] But at least they go out and get hurt in the middle of nowhere. [00:10:45] Makes my soul happy. But if you're, you know, oh, I fucking, you know, have three water bottles and I'm gonna go, you know, ride for 15 miles. And then you have, like, a backup car with you. Fuck you, you're not a bicyclist. It's like, you know, getting a giant fucking camper and bake. Oh, I'm going out camping. It's like, no, you're not. [00:11:08] You know, I have no problem if you're, you know, out fucking biking. [00:11:13] You know, areas that are not, you know, overly laden with traffic. But if it's a major interstate or a major highway, keep your fucking bike the fuck off that shit. I hate you, and I hope you get hit. That's what you deserve. I don't want you to die. I want you to, like, have your leg broken and they have to amputate and you're like, just done riding. I don't want you to be a, you know, an influential story back. Oh, lots of my bike riding. But I got back on the bike and now I'm. [00:11:41] No, why don't you just be done and sit in your office, you know, play on your iPad and make money? [00:11:51] Yeah, the, the, this entire podcast, this entire episode just going to be me bitching and crying about, you know, how is stupid, you know, Like, I, I, I see everyone, you know, sitting here like, oh, I hate Donald Trump and, oh, I hate all the, you know, lefties and all the Democrats. I'm like, how do you have time in your day to genuinely dedicate part of your brain to this? [00:12:20] There, there's. You're never even gonna meet these people, and they both have the same agenda, is keeping you the fuck down, you know, and if you want to change it, join it. [00:12:34] Go in, you know, and run for senate, run for, you know, state representative. [00:12:41] You can go in. You don't have to have anything. [00:12:44] You just have to be a, you know, legal US Citizen. Boom. Go in and be like, oh, guess what? Now I'm a state senator. You know, know what district you're in, and then go do it that way. Otherwise, shut the fuck up and quit. Quit bitching all the time. I don't care. [00:13:02] You know, I. I go on Facebook for memes and for, you know, my group chat, like, that's it. [00:13:10] You know, everyone else is like, well, you know, I. I want to, you know, hate Donald Trump. It's like, I don't care, but. But I see this all the goddamn time, like. And people like, oh, yeah, Donald Trump is the one that is, you know, making the gas price. It's like, no, it's a private company that he is not in charge of. The gas prices throughout the entire world are going different ways. But, you know, I. I doubt that the President of the United States of America has made me a tiny bit of sway. [00:13:52] But these oil and gas companies, you know, they're just out here, you know, back, okay, cool. You know, we're gonna, you know, we need to raise prices over here so everyone gets their prices. Prices raised. And you pay 30 cents in taxes per gallon, so quit bitching. [00:14:18] And people like, oh, yeah, tax the rich. Tax. You know, I'm like, I mean, I don't. I don't care. How about this? Use less of the tax money so you can tax everyone less. [00:14:29] Everyone across the board equally tax everyone less. And if you don't fucking, you know, pay any taxes, I don't think you should be able to vote there. We've solved everything. We've solved all the problems. [00:14:45] You know, if you don't study for this shit, don't fucking start bitching about it. I, you know, me, and I'm like a. On the Internet, I'm a retarded truck driver on the Internet, you know, talking in a microphone and, you know, everyone's like, oh, I don't care. [00:15:09] What I want, you know, is everyone to relearn how to drive. [00:15:14] Everyone to know what every street sign means, everyone to understand what the speed limits mean and, you know, how to stay inside your lane and, you know, make a device that turns off your phone while you drive. Boom. Everything is solved. [00:15:32] That would get rid about 90% of my anger. [00:15:39] And, you know, if you're, you know, getting radicalized, you know, turn off your phone, go outside, you know, talk to, you know, normal people. [00:15:49] You know, like, I have a lot of friends with a lot of different views, and we just don't even bring it up. And guess what? We're the best of fucking friends. They have their own, you know, distinct political opinions that are completely opposite of mine. [00:16:01] And, you know, we just leave it the fuck alone. We're great friends. [00:16:06] You Know, they don't have to hate me because, you know, oh, I like this. And I don't have to, you know, be like, okay, you're dumb, because they like that. [00:16:15] Just turn off your phone, go outside, go meet some new friends, go to a trivia night, go to a karaoke night, go do something fun instead of, you know, sitting at home and, you know, getting angry at the Internet. [00:16:30] Yeah, I don't care. [00:16:33] Realistically, you know, tomorrow I'm gonna, you know, probably go out and have dinner with my. One of my good buddies and, yeah, maybe go out and have a few drinks and everything's gonna. [00:16:55] But here's the problem is you get older and imagine you spent 5% of your life thinking about this. [00:17:05] Just this. Don't. Just don't. Don't do any of that bullshit. [00:17:09] You know, imagine, like, if you were going to die tomorrow, if you knew for a fact that tomorrow was going to be your last day on Earth, would you want to spend it worrying about this dumb shit or even thinking about this dumb shit if you had 24 hours to live? No, of course not. The answer is no. It's never. Oh, yeah, I'm glad I fucking. [00:17:34] It's like just. Just, you know, have that mentality. [00:17:38] And if you really want to change it, go out vote, go out testify, go out, run for local office, go out, you know, write letters to your, you know, senators and your representatives, know who they are and complain to them. They're the ones that actually can, you know, influence change. [00:17:58] They're the ones that can do all this shit. Donate to their campaigns if you like what they do. Don't donate to the campaigns of the people you don't like what they do. [00:18:06] But most people have no idea what even district they're in, so. [00:18:13] And they'll sit there and, you know, and complain on Facebook about, you know, oh, no, kings and this. [00:18:21] Yeah. I don't listen to people that I wouldn't take advice from, so. [00:18:31] But all in all, let's see what we got for, you know, stories, and let's see if anything nice has happened, you know, let's see. [00:18:45] Uplifting news. Let's see if anything, you know, nice has happened, you know, because I. I hope. Oh, yeah. Mr. Rogers Stamp wins a United States Postal Service contest and will now be reissued. [00:19:00] I might have to go get some. I don't fucking mail anything. I. I might have to go get some of them stamps. I like Mr. Rogers and everything he did. [00:19:11] They're. They're solving cancer again, and it's going to get buried again. [00:19:17] Yeah. Pancreatic cancer halted by virus injection in three patients. [00:19:24] A cancer killing virus has stopped pancreatic tumors from growing and spreading in three people in initial safety trial raising hopes that it may beat the deadly condition. [00:19:35] You know, cigarettes smoking and adults. And American adults hits an all time. Yeah. Because everyone's vaping now that. And it's worse. [00:19:57] Yeah. I mean, like, not. Not too much, you know, cool is happening, but, you know, I stay away from all the bad news, all the awful news. [00:20:13] Let's see who needs advice. [00:20:22] Advice. Let's. Let's go to the very top of this week. [00:20:28] Oh, that's fucking awful. By James the mannequin wife passed away yesterday, and I don't know where to go from here. [00:20:38] My wife suddenly died from an aneurysm yesterday. It was quick. So much that we didn't have a chance to say goodbye. She was there one minute scoring plexiglass for a project, then suddenly on the floor. [00:20:52] I called the ambulance and they declared her dead at the hospital. [00:20:55] They gave me a few days to get her affairs in order. Since it's the weekend. [00:21:00] I know she wants to be cremated against her family's wishes and to be buried in Ireland, where her grandparents are from, or Scotland, where I'm from and our family grounds. We're both in our mid-40s, so neither of us really planned anything for it. She. She doesn't have a will, nor does her family have anything held for her. It was just far too quick. [00:21:29] I appreciate any advice you can offer, especially if you've been through a similar situation. [00:21:34] Thank you all. [00:21:37] Dude. Yeah, it sucks when, you know, like, that happens. [00:21:47] It's just like one of those things you just, you know, get a lawyer, you know, and kind of just figure it out as it, you know, goes. [00:22:00] Yeah. [00:22:02] Like, when my friend, you know, Shelby and Emma, you know, all died, like, you know, we were, you know, Shelby's family. And so, like, we just, like, picked, you know, one. One of us, one of our friends, just like, hey, yep, I'm just taking care of, like, all of this. [00:22:19] And, you know, he stepped up to the plate and, you know, got it all done. [00:22:27] You know, I'm like, yeah, that's cool. Because none of us could have dealt with that. [00:22:36] Oh, yeah. And you've been married 24 years, dude. It have been 25 years in October. Yeah. That brutal. [00:22:44] Wait, okay, you're mid-40s. Yeah. So you got married young. [00:22:48] Yep. [00:22:53] Yeah. [00:22:57] It's just gonna be awful. [00:23:00] You'll figure it out, and it'll be broken for a while. [00:23:05] That's all I can tell you. [00:23:08] Well, that. That's the end of this episode. This one ended wildly depressing. [00:23:18] Yeah, I mean, you will get through it, but it's gonna be a rough getting through it. [00:23:29] You. You'll. You won't get over it. You'll just get through it and, you know, get easier as it goes. [00:23:40] But we'll be back next week. Hopefully all of us will be back next week and. Yeah. See you then. Bye.