Mozzarella

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alrighty. Alrighty. Welcome back to the Human podcast with your host, Alex the truck. Got my wife over here, not the truck. And Courtney from across the land. Yep, from here it is Memorial Day weekend. Finally, a weekend I can enjoy. You know, like the. The, Like, I work six days a week, every single week, and it feels good to just be able. Like, I can be a piece of and not do anything for Monday and Tuesday. Now I should get up and get shit done, but my cat will not let me. Will you? May. Maybe I'll, like, set my alarms that way. My cat thinks that she won't because, like, every single Monday, Wednesday and Friday, when I get up to, you know, leave for, you know, a day or so, my cat will come up and, you know, snuggle with me and be extra cute and try and keep me home. And she'll, like, you know, make, you know, biscuits on me and be like, stay here. You're so warm. I don't want you to leave. And I might just, like, leave my alarms on that way. She, like, comes in and, like, I won, but it might set a bad precedent. She'll be like, now I can win all of them. She'll, like, just try harder next time. She'll think that I don't love her and I do love you. You want to say hello to the people? Meow, meow. No, she don't care. Nope, she's not a very talkative cat. Unless she wants something. I'll give you treats afterwards, okay? It's Catter day. You'll get treats after. [00:01:57] Speaker B: It is Catter day. [00:02:00] Speaker A: You'll get treats after the podcast. How's that? I'll give you, like, a churu or something. [00:02:08] Speaker B: There's one left. [00:02:09] Speaker A: Oh, well, then, fuck. You get crunchies then. [00:02:12] Speaker B: No, she can have the churro and the boys can have crunchies. She's the princess. [00:02:21] Speaker A: I'm sure we have extra churros. I feel like I have, like, a bunch of them just hidden somewhere. [00:02:26] Speaker B: I think I have one in my purse that. That from work, because we use churus a lot at work. Kitties love churros. They'll just be eating their cheers and not even notice they're getting vaccinated. Just like I'm eating the best snack on earth. Speaking of snacks, you have a confession to make. [00:02:44] Speaker A: What? [00:02:45] Speaker B: Your lotte. Okay, so everyone's going to know this. [00:02:53] Speaker A: Like, I went to the store the other day and, you know, I had a thought experiment in my head. You know, I'm like, I can make white people elote, you know, and if you don't know what elote is, you're fucking missing out. If you see a fucking dude with a cart, you know, saying, elote, elote, and he has corn, go down, Vic, I want everything on it. Just say, I want everything on it. Pay the man whatever it costs. Get that elote. It's great. It's Mexican street corn. It's good shit. So, you know, but I, I had a thought experiment to where how can I make white people elote? Or elodie, you know, as I have now deemed it. [00:03:42] Speaker B: So you gotta pronounce. You have to mispronounce it if you're making it wrong. [00:03:47] Speaker A: And so I took the corn, I boiled the corn, I did all that stuff, you know, just, you know, boiled it and, you know, I did that. Good. And then I got, you know, butter, you know, salted butter, and mixed it in with some spices and stuff, you know. And then I used a garlic ranch as the mayo. And then I used, it's like furikake or something. Furikake, like Japanese. Like, like seaweed and sesame seeds. And sesame seeds and sugar. You know, on top of that, it turned out pretty fucking, you know, white. But it was pretty good. Like, I, I'm not gonna complain. I'm not gonna make it again that way. Absolutely not. [00:04:39] Speaker B: I'll make, I hope not. [00:04:42] Speaker A: Like, unless, unless I'm, like, drunk and I'm like, I don't want to get out the mayo and the spatula and do it, you know, the way I'm supposed to. And I didn't put on a load of ranch either because it, it doesn't stick the same way that, like, mayo does. [00:04:57] Speaker B: Shocker. [00:05:01] Speaker A: But, you know, as far as, you. [00:05:04] Speaker C: Know, there's like, squeeze bottles for mayonnaise. [00:05:07] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't have that. [00:05:11] Speaker C: Get it? I, I, I, it makes it so much easier. [00:05:16] Speaker A: I don't use mayo. My wife uses mayo sometimes. Use mayo for your tuna sammies? [00:05:23] Speaker B: Yeah, for my Tunisie ammis. But mayo's disgusting. [00:05:28] Speaker A: I, I don't use mayo hardly ever. So, like, I, I don't have a squeeze bottle. And I thought about using mayo. Just, I kind of, like, recover it a little bit. No, I wanted to go full white on it and see how bad it got. And it was actually pretty decent. Decent. [00:05:49] Speaker B: I'm very happy. I was not at home when this happened. [00:05:52] Speaker A: It was a war crime, though. And I have pictures of it, of this war crime. And, you know, I didn't have a stick to eat it off of. Just ate it, you know, bare handed. You Know, white people style. I wish I had, like, little corn cob, like, poker things that you can put on each end. Yeah, the. The way you can, like, hold the corn without burning your little fingers. I think I feel like that, like, just completed it, but I did not have those, so. I am sorry to every Mexican out there that is disappointed by this, Elodie. But, you know, if you're white and you're like, hey, I want to try this. You know, melted salted butter, you know, like, salt water, you know, boil, you know, your. Like, get corn that's, you know, in husks. Like, that's important. And suffer through, like, peeling the fucking corn with all the little fucking strings that come off of it. [00:07:02] Speaker B: Is corn a fruit? [00:07:03] Speaker A: Corn's a vegetable. [00:07:05] Speaker B: No, it's a fruit. [00:07:07] Speaker A: Why is it a fruit? [00:07:08] Speaker B: Because it comes from a blossom. Look it up. I'm not crazy. [00:07:14] Speaker A: Okay, fine. We'll look this up right now. Is corn a fruit or a vegetable? Fruit. Corn is classified as a fruit. Botanically, it's a vegetable. [00:07:29] Speaker B: It's a fruit. Do you understand what a vegetable is? [00:07:35] Speaker A: A vegetable is something that you, you know, kids struggle to eat. Broccoli, vegetable, tomato, vegetable. You know, banana, fruit. You know, if it. If it has more sugar content. [00:07:49] Speaker B: What do you think the difference between a fruit and a vegetable is? [00:07:52] Speaker A: Sugar content? [00:07:54] Speaker B: No, it's how it's. [00:07:55] Speaker A: Strawberries, Fruit, sugar content. [00:08:00] Speaker B: You know, fruit comes from blossoms. Vegetables come from roots, underground. [00:08:04] Speaker A: Yeah, but this comes from a fucking stalk. [00:08:07] Speaker B: But it's a blossom first. [00:08:10] Speaker A: Yeah, it's a grain. Honestly. And I hate it when people call Corn Maze. I'm like, knock it off. Stop trying to be a hipster. [00:08:23] Speaker B: But Maze is its actual name. [00:08:28] Speaker A: Yeah, but, like, they just like, look, it's. It's maize. It's like, knock it off. It's corn. [00:08:36] Speaker B: Okay? An orange cat named maize is much nicer than an orange cat named corn. Although I have met an orange cat named Colonel, and that was less. That was more. Okay. [00:08:51] Speaker A: Usda.gov is corn. You know, let's see. Corn can be considered either a grain or a vegetable based on when it's harvested. The maturity level of corn at harvest affects both of its use as meals or. And its nutritional value. Corn that is harvested when it's fully mature and dry is considered a grain. [00:09:13] Speaker B: Oh, that's what grain means. [00:09:15] Speaker A: It can be milled into cornmeal and used in such foods, such as corn tortillas, cornbread. Popcorn is also harvested when it matures and is considered to be whole grain. So, yes, it is a vegetable, but. [00:09:32] Speaker B: It comes from a flower. And besides, it said it was a fruit bonnet. [00:09:38] Speaker A: On Google, that would mean, like, cucumbers. [00:09:42] Speaker C: And squash or fruit. [00:09:45] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, like, there's so many dumb people that are like, yeah, these are technically fruit. No, it's. If it. If it's easy to eat, you know, if you can eat it by itself, you know, nothing else. Like, you can eat a strawberry straight off the vine. Boom. Excellent. Can you eat a corn straight off the vine? No. Or straight off the stalk, rather. Absolutely not. An apple? Yeah, go ahead and eat that. Right off the tree. Boom. Right in your gullet. You know, like. Like zucchini. Do you want to. No. Like, if it's not fun to eat, it is, you know, a vegetable that. [00:10:40] Speaker B: Makes absolutely no sense. There are plenty of delicious vegetables. [00:10:43] Speaker A: Name one. [00:10:44] Speaker B: Potatoes. [00:10:46] Speaker A: Would you eat a potato? Just. Just bite into it like an apple? [00:10:49] Speaker B: I have before, and I'll do it again. [00:10:52] Speaker A: Yeah. Potatoes have the potential to kill you. [00:10:55] Speaker B: Yeah. If they're, like, bright green, like, alien. [00:10:59] Speaker C: Yeah. And even so, like, even if you get a little bit, like, the greenness is in there, it just makes your stomach upset. [00:11:10] Speaker A: Yeah. Apples, they don't do that. Bananas, they don't do that. [00:11:13] Speaker B: Bananas are gross. [00:11:14] Speaker C: Bananas do that. And technically, if you eat a lot of freaking orange. Oranges or citrus fruits, then. Yeah, that can actually make you really sick. [00:11:25] Speaker A: Lemons, kiwis, you know, all fun to eat. Horseradish, not fun to eat. You have to, like, cook it and make it. You have to, like. [00:11:38] Speaker B: But you like wasabi. [00:11:40] Speaker A: That's Japanese horseradish, and that's after it's been processed and mixed in with other stuff to turn it into wasabi. [00:11:48] Speaker B: Yeah. So it's the same family. [00:11:51] Speaker A: Yeah, that. That's after it's been processed. You know, I. I'm not eating a Japanese horseradish. And like. Yep, that's wasabi. Nope. Like, it has to be fun. And wasabi is not fun to eat. I'm not, like, having to a great time. I'm just suffering. [00:12:07] Speaker B: But you always eat it. [00:12:08] Speaker A: I know. Like a masochist. It's like when women like to be spanked. [00:12:14] Speaker B: Why would you put food in your mouth you don't want to eat? That's weird. [00:12:18] Speaker A: I don't like to eat broccoli, but Broccoli with ranch. Hell, yeah. Now that. Now it, like, turns in, like, a fruit. [00:12:26] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:12:28] Speaker A: What? Yeah, I mean, like, you. You take a vegetable tray. Okay. You know, vegetable tray. Carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, whatever. Else they fucking put in that shit. And then they have, like, a giant cup of ranch in the middle because they know what Americans like. We like to ruin our vegetables with unhealthy decisions. And you know, that that's just how that goes. [00:12:58] Speaker B: Raw carrots are weird, too. [00:13:01] Speaker A: I can eat carrots. You know, and here's a lie that I was told growing up. I was told that carrots will make you see in the dark. And I don't know who came up with. This was brilliant. You know, it was just, like, you know, plausible enough for dumbass kids like me to believe where they're like, yeah, the. The carrots, you know, have something in them that, you know, goes in and helps your eyesight and then make. If you eat enough of them, you can see in the dark. [00:13:40] Speaker B: That's a pretty good gimmick, though. [00:13:42] Speaker A: It was a great gimmick. I'm. I wasn't mad at it. I'm like, okay, yeah, you got my ass. Holy. And then I was eating carrots, and I'm, like, looking in the dark. I'm like, I can't see any better. I'm like, wait, is everything that I was told to lie? You know, policemen are not good people. The Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy and, you know, Santa Claus aren't real. Oh, no. Holy. It's all a lie. It's all bad. And then, you know, you grow up and you're like, yeah, I was. I was a fool. And they're like, yeah, you have to eat these now because it's healthy, and if you don't eat them, you're gonna die. And so, yeah, now I just don't eat vegetables because, like, you'll prolong my life. I still eat vegetables. [00:14:38] Speaker B: Vegetables mean fiber. [00:14:41] Speaker A: Like, if it's like, lettuce on my, like, you know, burger, yeah, sure, whatever. But, like, I'm not gonna go out and get, like, the veggie option or something. I'm not gonna go get a veggie burger because it's a little bit healthier. [00:14:54] Speaker B: Trader Joe's used to have this pizza veggie burger. Oh, my God. It was to die for. It was so good. I used to get that all the time. I miss their pizza burger. It legitimately tasted like pizza. It was so good. I miss it so much. [00:15:14] Speaker A: I. I feel like when they, like, you know, have stuff like that, they just add a bunch of chemicals and, like, there. It'll trick their, you know, people's brains into thinking that they're eating something good. [00:15:23] Speaker B: I mean, Trader Joe's Already Trader Joe already has me sold, so I'm not even going to lie about that. [00:15:33] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, there's like, yeah, come on down. Fucking drive a half an hour through, you know, mind numbing traffic in Colorado Springs to get down here and then, you know, come into our tiny little parking lot that does not have enough spots for everyone that's in the store. [00:15:49] Speaker B: It does not. It's part of the aesthetic. [00:15:53] Speaker A: And then suffer through a bunch of people that want to pay too much money for like a gallon of oat milk. [00:16:00] Speaker B: Hey, they sell the cheap. They have the cheapest mozzarella in town. Like cheap, good mozzarella. [00:16:05] Speaker A: We can make mozzarella. [00:16:07] Speaker B: I don't have the time or energy for it. [00:16:11] Speaker C: I mean, if you make mozzarella again. [00:16:16] Speaker A: You like take milk, I think, like whole milk or something like that, and then you like fucking like let it curd up and stuff. [00:16:22] Speaker B: I think you need to add like vinegar or something. Or Rennett. [00:16:27] Speaker A: Yeah, there's. There's something you add to it and you boil it and it turns all curdy and then, you know, you like make it into balls and. [00:16:34] Speaker B: Yeah, but that takes time and time is money. [00:16:40] Speaker A: Time is not money. [00:16:41] Speaker B: Time is so money. [00:16:42] Speaker A: We do this for an hour every week and, you know, we ain't getting paid. [00:16:48] Speaker B: I'm just saying it's difficult to make food that takes that much process the middle of the work week. [00:16:53] Speaker A: Well, I mean, like now I kind of want to do it just like, like, like the same reason I made the, you know, the Elodie, you know, now I want to make the mozzarella. [00:17:06] Speaker B: All right. [00:17:08] Speaker A: You know, I call it. I'll call it like the monster. The monster. Ella. I'm working on it. [00:17:15] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:17] Speaker A: Like just like use like milk. And we have the Internet, you know. How do you make mozzarella? From the store? Yeah, no, I, I just. Give me a fucking article, assholes. How to make mozzarella cheese with four ingredients plus water and a bit of patience. Okay. Yeah. Holy. Just. [00:17:44] Speaker B: You didn't hit jump the recipe. [00:17:46] Speaker A: It's not there. [00:17:47] Speaker B: Yes, it is. [00:17:48] Speaker A: Oh, there it is. One gallon of fresh milk. I prefer fresh, whole raw milk for the absolute best. We don't get raw milk. Everything has to be pasteurized. You can also use skim milk, 2% or pasteurized milk. Fuck off ads. Avoid homogenized or ultra pasteurized milk though. Okay. 1.5 tape. Tsp of citric acid. I don't know what that is. I'm just going to use lemon juice, 1 cup of water to Dissolve the citric acid. Okay. I guess this stuff is dangerous. A 0.01 ounce renet liquid or tap rennet. [00:18:40] Speaker B: The is that it comes from an organ. [00:18:46] Speaker A: I've never heard of a rennet organ. [00:18:48] Speaker B: Okay, okay. No, it's like a lining from one of the organs. Like I barely remember this from Little House on the Prairie. Okay. [00:18:56] Speaker A: You. You can use vegetable rennet or for a vegetarian version. And 4 tables tsp tbsp. I don't know what any of this means. Water to dissolve the rette and then cheese salt, AKA kosher salt or non iodized salt. Yeah, this is a lot of. [00:19:20] Speaker B: Yeah, I. Yeah. [00:19:22] Speaker A: Pour the citric acid in water and stir until dissolved. [00:19:26] Speaker B: Also. [00:19:26] Speaker A: It's a powder, is it? [00:19:28] Speaker B: Yeah, it's it. Until it's dissolved. So the citric acid is a powder. [00:19:33] Speaker A: Okay. I don't know. Like, I. I don't look for any of this stuff at the store. Hopefully this is at the store. I now have to go find it. Pour the milk into a large pot. Add the citric acid. Mix warm until it reaches 90 degrees. Remove from the heat as soon as you require. Reach the required temperature. Add the rennet mixture to the warm milk and stir a few times slowly to mix well. Then cover the pot and set aside for five minutes. After about five minutes, the milk should have set and have a consistency similar to a thick yogurt or pudding that you can slice through. Yeah, you can like. [00:20:13] Speaker C: Yo. Like. Like tofu. [00:20:16] Speaker A: You can cut through nicely in a straight line. You can move on to the next step. If not, set aside for another five minutes and try again. Stage two. Prepare the curds. Create a grid pattern through the curds, slicing one way, then the other. Make sure to cut deep into the curds touching the bottom of the pot. Then heat the curds over medium heat. Stir very slowly but consistently. Try not to break the curds too much. They only need to reach 106 degrees. They'll warm up quite quickly. This heating will strengthen the herd. The curds slightly. Scoop the fucking cheese curds into a pot with a slotted spoon. Is there like liquid in here? I thought like everything just turned into like jello. [00:21:00] Speaker B: So it's set amongst the liquid. So there's liquid that needs to be drained. So kind of think it like a thin layer of water on top of the jello. So if you were to scoop out the jello, you would need to drain it. [00:21:14] Speaker A: Keep the curious, you know, fucking shape the mozzarella. This is like fucking a lot. [00:21:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:22] Speaker A: Now I have to goddamn fucking I. [00:21:25] Speaker B: Told you this takes time and energy. [00:21:27] Speaker A: But you get a gallon of fucking. [00:21:29] Speaker B: I can't eat mozzarella that fast. [00:21:31] Speaker A: I can. [00:21:32] Speaker B: It'll go straight through my gut. [00:21:34] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, no, this. This will be so fucking bad. This. [00:21:37] Speaker B: Oh, my God, your farts are gonna be awful. [00:21:41] Speaker A: All right, well, now I have to go fucking do this goddamn stupid ass science experiment. Prep time is 10 minutes. Cook time is 10 minutes. Total time is 25 minutes. 10 makes 30 fucking servings for one gallon, plus, like, you know, couple like a cup of water and some, you know, like citric acid. Like, where the fuck do you get citric acid? Oh, Amazon sells it. Gave me a straight. Okay, so I can get five pounds of citric acid. [00:22:12] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:14] Speaker A: I don't need that much. I can get £50 of it. Why would I need £50? [00:22:20] Speaker B: It's for, like, food and stuff. You don't you see? Citric acid is an ingredient on like, everything. [00:22:28] Speaker A: I don't look at the ingredients of anything. [00:22:30] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:22:32] Speaker A: Okay, I'm like, okay, so you can get two pounds, you know, here, here's something that's better. Two pounds of citric acid for $12.34, probably, you know, after taxes, whatever it is, you know, shipped to your fucking house. Boom. Okay, so that. [00:22:51] Speaker B: You need a cheesecloth and we'll need a bigger colander. [00:22:56] Speaker A: A bigger colander? [00:22:58] Speaker B: Yeah. You're gonna boil a gallon of milk. You think it's gonna fit into the little tiny one we use? [00:23:05] Speaker A: Yeah, very easily actually. It's gonna be in a pot and then you have to take it out with a slotted spoon. I do have to get a slotted spoon though. Now I have to, like, find out what the fuck Renet. Like, where do I get this? Okay. Oh, fucking King Supers sells it. [00:23:26] Speaker B: It's from the lining of the four stomach of remnant animals. I knew it came from an organ. Like, I wanted to say it was like haggis, but I wasn't sure so I wasn't gonna speak more on it. [00:23:37] Speaker A: Haggis? [00:23:38] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:23:39] Speaker A: Okay. [00:23:40] Speaker B: Okay, so like a Little House in the Prairie when they made cheese, like, they milked all the cows and then they slaughtered one of the calves and they got the rennet from the lining of the calf's stomach. [00:23:49] Speaker A: Okay, so you can get eight tablets, which is 6.5 grams of Renet for $3. So, you know, there you go. [00:24:02] Speaker B: Now you fucking cool. [00:24:04] Speaker A: Now you know how much it costs. Plus whatever a gallon of milk from wherever you live is. That changes all the time. So, yeah, I mean, like for, you know, under 20 bucks, you can make a bunch of fucking mozzarella. [00:24:22] Speaker B: Or I can spend five bucks. Not have to make the mozzarella. [00:24:27] Speaker A: Now I have to go do this like that. That. Does Amazon sell it for cheese making. Two ounces of, you know, ren it for 16 bucks on Amazon. Yeah, they just sell it for cheese making supplies. [00:24:53] Speaker B: Yeah. I don't think you use it for much anything. For anything else to my knowledge, I've only ever heard of it. Houston cheese. [00:25:05] Speaker A: I mean. Yeah. [00:25:06] Speaker B: Oh, it's a coagulant. That's what it's doing. Okay, so it's the thickening agent. [00:25:17] Speaker A: So yeah, you can get like a bunch of it for dirt fucking shape. A half a tablet will set two gallons of milk in approximately 45 minutes. So yeah, you can get like, you know, a lot of the done. So you need. That's 40 gallons of mozzarella for $7.99. Now, now I learned something. Now this is an educational podcast. There you guys go. Ah, that. That was a random tangent that I went on. But now, now I have to do this. God damn it, babe. [00:26:08] Speaker B: I'll eat it if you make it. [00:26:11] Speaker A: Well, yeah, we. We both have to eat it. [00:26:13] Speaker B: It's a g. Mozzarella doesn't last long. [00:26:18] Speaker A: Like, like, like give me like a, like a straight up gallon of mozzarella. [00:26:25] Speaker B: I mean, it's the curds. They'll. You'll. They'll set and then we'll slice them. Then you can make the slices as, like big or as little as you want. [00:26:32] Speaker A: So, like, will it, like shrink? [00:26:34] Speaker B: No, it's going to thicken. [00:26:36] Speaker A: So it'll get bigger. [00:26:38] Speaker B: I don't think the volume itself is going to change much. [00:26:41] Speaker A: Okay. So yeah, I was. [00:26:43] Speaker B: Because. So the recipe called for a gallon of milk. Yes. And then you're adding two cups of water with the different thickening agents added to it. And so after it's. So the milk itself is going to set. The liquid that the milk was mixed in will not. Will not set. So that'll be poured off, but the amount of milk itself is going to thicken. I don't think it's really going to expand that much as the structure of the molecules are going to change and how they're stacked. [00:27:10] Speaker A: Very interesting. [00:27:11] Speaker B: So, yeah, I mean, that's how I think goes. I could be wrong, but I feel pretty confident in that. [00:27:19] Speaker A: And these are for vegetable rented tablets too. So. So for people who that don't want to eat animals, even though it has a cow on the label, Q S o Tablets, so. But I did see something interesting yesterday that made my heart happy. You know, hard left turn. So I. I was, I. I got finished with my day, you know, just dealing with shitty people all day on the road. And, you know, I'm sitting, you know, out front of the hotel, talking to the owner and my friend of the, you know, hotel I stay at, and we hear a big clang. And we like, look across. I'm like, what the is that? And then we see some dude's car, like, immediately break down. [00:28:19] Speaker B: Like, on the street. [00:28:21] Speaker A: Like. Like he was able to like, pull off to like, you know, kind of like a, you know, like a different street, but it was like the main street, and he was not able to get far. And so I kind of like his backhand was sticking out a tiny bit, but people can still get around him. And he, like, I don't know if his brakes didn't work or whatever or his e. Brakes didn't work. He just would not leave the vehicle. And I'm like, oh. Like, I see his drive shaft that had fallen out, like the thing that, you know, takes the torque from the. The motor put to the wheels. [00:28:58] Speaker B: Huh. [00:29:00] Speaker A: So, yeah, he has no drive at all in his vehicle and just completely broken. And so, like, I. I run across the road when it's clear, and it like, takes like 20 minutes to do. So, like, I go check in my hotel room because I don't give a that much, you know, set down all my stuff. And then, like, I. I run out and I'm like, hey, you dropped your drive shaft back there. And by this time, a cop is there and some dude from autozone is there. [00:29:33] Speaker B: Oh, nice. [00:29:34] Speaker A: And I'm like, that is some phenomenal service considering an O'Reilly's is way closer. But, you know, I'm like, yeah, this drive shaft is there. That car is, you know, just know that. And then, like, I woke up this morning, the car was gone. But I'm like, I like to imagine that that dude, you know, had so much of a worse day than me. And it just made me happy just to know that this dude, like, like his entire week is ruined, bare minimum. And there's nothing that can be done about it, you know, for free. Just that. That. That's God striking down like a regular vehicle in front of me. Just like, see, I care about you. I'm like, thanks, God. I still don't believe in you, but, you know, appreciate it. [00:30:38] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:30:39] Speaker A: I know. It's okay, but let's get into some, you know, good News stories or you know, stories I just find hilarious and great. A cub that was found alone in the US woods is now being raised by wildlife staff in bear costumes. Yeah, like I, I didn't think that this was a thing, but it was a two month old black bear that was starving in a California forest and it went down to the San Diego center and it's staff members that are either in camouflage or in straight up bear outfits. [00:31:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:31:28] Speaker A: Like why, why is this a thing? [00:31:30] Speaker B: Because they're preparing. So they're preparing. They're basically teaching the bear cub like how the rules and stuff. So like, because like the, there's no mama bear to teach him how to be a bear. So they're, they're in, they're, they're trying to make sure their own humanness influences him as little as possible. So like, yeah, they're probably trying to. [00:31:57] Speaker C: Get him to go back to the wild. [00:31:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:31:58] Speaker A: Oh yeah. [00:31:59] Speaker C: So that he. Yeah. And if there he's been exposed to humans, he's gonna go around humans thinking, yeah, they're gonna help me. [00:32:06] Speaker B: Yeah, he, he will approach hunters like he won't understand their danger. [00:32:11] Speaker A: So, so the, the humans don't want him to embarrass himself. [00:32:16] Speaker B: Oh my God. [00:32:18] Speaker A: God damn. I'm shooting on all cylinders today, but yeah, the cub is, you know, thriving when it arrived, it's only £3 and a little debilitated. Going on multiple days without any kind of nutrition or hydration and now it's over £12. [00:32:39] Speaker B: Yeah, they grow fast because they gotta get big. [00:32:43] Speaker A: And I'm like, I would love to have a pet bear. No, but like in my head, like that sounds like a great thing because I see like the videos of people, you know, playing with bears that they, you know, were raised around, you know, our domesticated bears and they, you know, can, you know, fight, wrestle with them. And I'm like, that sounds like fun. And then I remember that one documentary where the dude was eaten at the very end. Reason like, I think, I think we talked about this like a couple weeks ago bear documentary where guy was eaten. [00:33:27] Speaker B: Yeah, we did talk about this. [00:33:29] Speaker A: Grizzly man. [00:33:33] Speaker C: We talked about this. [00:33:34] Speaker A: Yeah, we talked about this. Yeah. So like it was like a dude that was like out in like us, like not Australia, Alaska or some like that. And he was just hanging out with bears and like the bears were, you know, okay with them being around because they were not hungry. And then like on the fucking end of the documentary, I guess the bears got hungry and like he's right here. He's dumb as a bag of rocks. [00:34:05] Speaker B: Easiest prey they ever had to catch. [00:34:07] Speaker A: And so like, like, hey, there's something in my mouth over here. And he's like, what's in? Oh my God, you're eating me. You know, it's like, it's like I'm now one with bear. Yeah. So, yeah. So, like, hopefully this bear makes it. Probably will not put it, you know, capture it, take it to a zoo. You know, just do that. You know, keeping bears away from human interaction. You're gonna avoid conflicts in the future once they're released in the wild. They're really smart and very food motivated. But yeah, like, I love like the fucking straight up, like bare head that they have on. [00:34:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:59] Speaker A: Let me share this with Courtney so she can actually see what the fuck I'm talking about. [00:35:05] Speaker B: I don't think that's half bad. [00:35:09] Speaker C: Let's see. [00:35:14] Speaker A: Straight up a bare head. Yeah, that's the little cub that's just like sitting there. [00:35:23] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:35:28] Speaker A: I mean, like, and then they have like a stuffed bear over there. I'm like, yeah, it's very cute. I'm like, throw it the back out, though. Like, like, stop being like, you know, like this person that's gonna, you know, try and save a bear. You know, whatever happens is whatever happens. Yeah. I mean, either that or take it to the Z. Yeah. Once they reach around 130 to 150, they get fitted with a GPS collar because the government wants to know what they're doing. Typical government. Probably going to release it in Colorado. All right. You know, that, that's a cute little story. I like that. You know, where they're gonna, you know, take care of this bear until it becomes almost big enough to kill them. Next story. A woman who was bitten by a dog claims for $4,862.62 in damages. Has their claim for that dismissed. And I, I like that. Like, that's a realistic number for, you know, getting bit and going to the hospital. [00:37:00] Speaker B: Unfortunately. [00:37:05] Speaker A: Right. Like, it's not like, oh, I got bit by a dog and I want a million dollars. Like, that's unreal. [00:37:09] Speaker B: That's on how bad the dog bite is. [00:37:12] Speaker A: Well, it was bitten by a mini Australian shepherd. You know, those are like really friendly doggies and they're not very big. But Ying Shen was heading towards the lobby of her apartment complex to wish the building's concierge concierge a happy holidays on the night of Christmas Eve in 2022 when she was bitten by a leashed mini Australian shepherd. According to a B.C. civil tribunal. Civil resolution tribunal. Shin had exited the elevator at the same time that the neighborhood had returned from with a walk with his daughter's dog named Juliet. Very sweet dog name. And Juliet bit Shane on the hand. Polo apologized and said the dog was usually well behaved. Yeah, all is fair in love and war. You know, sometimes Chinese people eat dogs. Sometimes they, you know, people back she had been Shen had experienced intense growing pain after the bite. Had taken after the bite and taken an Uber to St. Paul's Hospital emergency room where she treat received treatment for a superficial abrasion and a tetanus shot. Okay, you're like doing too much. Shin had a small wound on the back of her hand between her thumb and index finger. [00:38:51] Speaker B: Oh, that hurts like a. Though it's a really painful spot to get a bite. [00:39:02] Speaker A: After Shin, you know, filed an incident report with the city of Vancouver, a bylaw enforcement officer investigated the incident and decided that Juliet was not an aggressive dog under animal control bylaw. Hell yeah. Good job, officer. The officer did find, however, that Juliet was not licensed in accordance with the animal control bylaw, a factor that would, you know, help in making decisions in the case. Usually he subscribes to the notion that if a dog has not been before, the owner would not know that it was within the them to be dangerous. And thus written as a decision, every dog is entitled to one bite. [00:39:45] Speaker B: Growls are gifts. Growls are gifts. It's the dogs who bite without growling. You gotta be, gotta be more wary of. [00:39:58] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, you know, have, you're in Canada, lady, you're in Canada, you have free health care. I don't even know why she's complaining, like half the government pay for it and be like, okay, that sucks. You know, be scared of dogs or whatever. [00:40:16] Speaker B: I'm just glad the dog didn't get put down. [00:40:19] Speaker A: This is in Canada. If it was in America would be completely different story. [00:40:22] Speaker B: It would depend on if it was up to date on the freebies vaccine or not. [00:40:27] Speaker A: Well, like I, I feel bad for people that own dogs because they're always like, you know, oh, my dog's really friendly. I'm sorry, you know, he's just coming up to say hello. You know, like when I got, you know, to the hotel yesterday, the owner had like his in laws dog there and she was like barking back, who are you? What are you doing next to my humans? What the is going on? And then they had their dog and I was like, you know, petting their dog and like, all right, this one's fine. All right. I'm watching you. I don't trust you, but I'm watching you. But I'm done barking. Too much work. Yeah. There's part of me that wants an Australian shepherd. [00:41:17] Speaker B: Absolutely not. [00:41:19] Speaker A: What, because they're barky? [00:41:21] Speaker B: Yes. [00:41:24] Speaker A: You just tell them not to bark. [00:41:27] Speaker C: Yeah, that quite honestly, doesn't work. [00:41:29] Speaker B: It doesn't quite. It doesn't work the way you think it works. And it takes constant training. [00:41:35] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, no, like, never get lax about it. Well, there's a mini Australian shepherd that I see all the time because, you know, belongs to one of my customers. And I've known her since she was a little puppy, like, you know, like a month old or two months old or whatever, and, like, pretty much her entire life. And, you know, she loves me. Like, anytime I come in, she's like. Like, runs up to me and then gets on her back and, like, rub my belly. Rub it. Right now I'm gonna continue barking. [00:42:14] Speaker B: Good Puppers gets what they want. [00:42:19] Speaker A: So. Yeah. Yeah. Like, if it was an ugly dog, I'd be like, all right, you know, put it down. [00:42:27] Speaker B: There are some really ugly dogs out there. Like, the Chinese Crested. What the fucks? [00:42:32] Speaker A: What? That was meant to be the whole point. There's no such thing as an ugly dog. All dogs are cute. [00:42:38] Speaker B: No, there's a Chinese crested something, and it is hideous. [00:42:43] Speaker A: Let's see. Chinese Crested dog. Okay. Yeah, that. Fuck. The little shaky dog. Yes. [00:42:53] Speaker B: Hideous. [00:42:55] Speaker A: Kind of cute, though. [00:42:56] Speaker B: Oh, my. [00:42:57] Speaker A: Put little bows in its ears. [00:42:58] Speaker C: I have to see this. [00:42:59] Speaker A: All right. [00:43:00] Speaker C: Chinese crusty dog. [00:43:01] Speaker A: Chinese crested dog. [00:43:04] Speaker C: Okay. [00:43:06] Speaker A: That's literally the name of it. Chinese Crested. [00:43:08] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:43:09] Speaker C: It's one of those ugly dogs. [00:43:12] Speaker B: See? Ugly. [00:43:12] Speaker C: My roommate had one that was, like. She didn't have the long hair around. [00:43:19] Speaker A: The ones that have, like, you know, vitiligo. [00:43:23] Speaker C: No, she had, like, shorter hair. [00:43:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:43:28] Speaker C: I felt sorry for the dog because the owner before her was abusive and tattooed her stomach with something. And then, like, the girl that, like, my old roommate, she went from running, like, five miles every day with the dog because I'm never taking the dog out and, like, taking out in the front yard until, like, she bit a passerby, someone who's passing by. And so she said she wasn't allowed in the front anymore. [00:44:01] Speaker B: Yeah. Because she was going stir crazy. Poor thing. [00:44:05] Speaker C: Yeah. I felt so bad. And then I had baby with me for a while, and I took her on walks and, like, yeah, the lady. One of the ladies thought it was my dog. I'm like, no, this is my roommate's Dog I take her out for a walk and like. Yeah. And then what? I guess she was resource guarding because of her bad previous owner and kind of current owner and bit my roommate as she was walking past her open door into her bedroom and like left like a big bruise. [00:44:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:44:38] Speaker C: Little dog. [00:44:40] Speaker A: Like, like dogs can do some serious damage if they want to. And it's like, like most of the time when a dog will bite someone it will just be like hey, knock it off. Like that's all they have. Like they don't have you know, anything to like you know, backhand somebody. You know, they, it's like the do like a little nip, you know, maybe draw a little bit of blood, you'll be fine. [00:45:02] Speaker B: So in the vet field it, dog bites are considered less dangerous than cat bites. So dog bites, they bite and then they shake side so they're like tearing with their teeth. So it's a lot of like soft tissue injury. But, but like you said a lot of times it's not really that deep. So again it's really like down to the muscle and that kind of stuff. Cats, when they bite they have their fangs that are like little pinchers. And so when they go to bite they tap real quick and they find where the breaks between your bones are. And so they bite with the goal of getting down into the joint. And they have a really bad bacteria in their mouth called Pasteurella that will kill you if it goes untreated. [00:45:42] Speaker A: But yet we put it in milk. [00:45:44] Speaker B: So you're, you're gonna die. You can die from a cat bite. You're a lot less likely to die for die from a dog bite. [00:45:50] Speaker A: Imagine just police cats like chase him down, you know. Hey, stop resisting or we're gonna release the cat on you. Oh dude, don't, don't do that man. Don't do that. I, I, I give up. It's like good choice. The cat would kill you. Like just get like random ant, you know, random animals for like police interactions. Like got my police komodo dragon. It will bite you and kill you. [00:46:15] Speaker B: What about, I always think about like what it feels like an ostrich. Cuz those can run and then they're going to get you with that nasty ass beak. Can you imagine being chased by an. [00:46:25] Speaker A: Ostrich or an emu? [00:46:28] Speaker B: Es are their own class. [00:46:30] Speaker A: Yeah, they, they'll chase your ass down. Just like like it's like a officer like riding an ostrich just chasing you down. Stop in the name of the law. Like that, that's what I Want just like random animals that are, you know, used by police officers. Like, you know, yeah, I got a leopard, a police leopard. It's like, go get him. And the leopard's like, I don't give a dude because it's still a cat. It's like, I'm not listening. [00:47:00] Speaker B: I'd be really scared of the emu. I'm not gonna lie, the way they like fling their head backs when they run is so creepy. [00:47:07] Speaker A: They'll smack you with their head. Yeah, or like a police llama. Just like a police zebra. Like, like, this is all the shit that I want. Just, you know, random animals all day long. Like this could be a show all on its own. Like an animated, you know, show. Like, if you want to make this show, go ahead and take it. Make the show of, you know, random, you know, you know, police animals. It's like, yeah, we, we got a, got a police jackalope. No one's seen it because they don't exist. Or like a police unicorn. It's like, yeah, we got the police police unicorn. And like in the last episode, like, the unicorn comes out and saves the day. I'm like, holy. Thought the thing didn't exist. Ah, next story. South Carolina death row inmate seeks to volunteer to die after friends are executed. Which seems like a sad thing, but it's like, don't worry, there's gonna be someone in there that'll kill you. [00:48:27] Speaker B: Death is a release, not a punishment. [00:48:30] Speaker A: After his best friend and four other fellow death row inmates have been put to death in less than a year at South Carolina in runs to become his own attorney, which will likely mean his own execution in weeks or months. A federal judge has ordered a 45 day delay on James Robertson's request to have a different lawyer talk to him, make sure he really wants to fire his own attorney attorneys and deal with the likely lethal consequences of his decision. Robinson, 51, has been on death row since 1999 after killing both of his parents in their Rock Hill home in hopes that he'd get part of their 2.2 million dollar estate. Jesus Christ. Yeah, so this dude's been in, you know, jail for the last 25, 26 years. Yeah, just go ahead and kill him, you know, if you already know he's, you know, guilty. Like, like, I don't know why tax dollars are spent on fucking dumb shit like this. [00:49:40] Speaker B: Like, I kind of feel like once you're like time sentence reaches a certain level, it should just be automatic death. Like if it's gonna be more than like 20 years. It might as well be an execution. [00:49:49] Speaker A: I feel like you should be able to sign up for, like, you know, like, experiments that might be deadly. [00:49:57] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh. [00:49:58] Speaker B: I think that's fair. [00:49:59] Speaker C: I also. But the reason why they also have that is because, like, that way they can go through, like, the appeal process and stuff like that. They can appeal it and maybe get, like, probation and like that. [00:50:11] Speaker A: Well, no, you'd have to sign up. You don't get thrown in. That's a cruel and unusual punishment. And we have, you know, the bill of rights to, you know, prevent cruel and unusual punishments. But, like, if you, you know, are gonna be in jail for the rest of your life, you should be allowed to, you know, sign up for, you know, hey, let's do some testing and see what this does or see what these drugs do or see what this is. Like, you know, see, you know, what happens. See, like, can we, like, kill your arm and then bring it back to life? You know, stuff like that. And then you get money for commissary and, you know, back. Yeah, I lost my arm, but now I have a bunch of money for top ramen, you know, and if you die, you die. [00:51:04] Speaker B: You're really gonna. Already gonna die anyway. [00:51:08] Speaker A: And then that way, you know, these, you know, companies that are paying to experiment on prisoners, you know, have to pay the prison to, you know, use their prisoners. And, you know, it's a good way to, you know, pay to keep people locked up. [00:51:23] Speaker B: Prison should not be for profit. [00:51:26] Speaker A: Well, I mean, unless you're gonna experiment on people. [00:51:28] Speaker B: That's different. [00:51:32] Speaker A: I mean, if you really think about it, penicillin was an accident. That was a whoopsie daisy. [00:51:38] Speaker B: It was. [00:51:41] Speaker A: And it's like, oh, this is a good whoopsie Daisy. Pretty good. Pretty solid. [00:51:46] Speaker B: We're completely and utterly overpopulated. [00:51:49] Speaker A: But, like, how. How much, you know, medical advancement could we make if we had, you know, willing, you know, human test subjects that was ethical to test on, you know, like, like, people big. How dare you? It's like, no. Everyone has, you know, volunteered in this. You know, these are prisoners. These are, you know, horrible people in society. [00:52:16] Speaker B: Didn't they just make a movie like this? But. [00:52:19] Speaker A: But like, in space, they've probably made a million movies like this. Like. Like, they. They made a. What was it? Death Race, you know, where, like, they took prisoners and made them, you know, do, like, twisted metal type game. You know, they, like, had to go do a race, and if you won 10 races in a row, you win your freedom. But the. The whole stick Is that you never win 10 races in a row because, you know, the other prisoners want to kill you. So. But yeah, so now this guy wants to, you know, kill himself, you know, well, not really kill himself, but get killed. Because now he doesn't have friends anymore. [00:53:05] Speaker B: Gay. [00:53:11] Speaker A: And now the judges want to keep him alive to have a full psychiatric evaluation. This. To decide if he's mentally competent. Yeah. No. Like, if a evil dude is going to be in jail for the rest of his life and he's never going to get out, you know, let him just die. Like, like, what is, you know, the qualms on this? [00:53:32] Speaker B: Precisely. See absolutely no reason to extend his life. [00:53:37] Speaker A: I mean, like, we. We should, like, use it, like, anytime we, like, kill someone, you know, you should, like, get the option to be like, hey, I want to do, like, a. A random death or, like, an experimental death. [00:53:54] Speaker B: How do you want to die in an experiment? [00:53:56] Speaker A: Like, can you be killed by sound? You know, is there a way to, like, you know, know vibrates? [00:54:04] Speaker B: No. How do you want to be killed? [00:54:07] Speaker A: Probably, like, just, like, listening to something awful. Like, like, if. If I was to be killed, I. I've actually thought about this. I want to go to a tall. Like, a tall skyscraper, you know, with piano wire that goes around my neck, and it's attached to, like, both my hands, and there's, like, a basketball hoop at the bottom, and I jump off the, you know, skyscraper and do a bunch of flips in the air and back. Yeah. And then, like, when I reach the bottom, I chop off my head and do a slam dunk with my head. [00:54:39] Speaker B: That's dope. But how experiment would you want to die in? [00:54:46] Speaker A: I want to see if, like, it's possible to, like, die by, like, hallucinogenic drugs. Like, how much, you know, mushrooms do I have to take to die? [00:54:58] Speaker B: Like, would it shut down your liver? Like, how would it work? [00:55:01] Speaker A: I don't know. That that's why you do the experiments. [00:55:05] Speaker B: Fair. [00:55:06] Speaker A: You know, like, what happens? You know, what is it that, you know, you. You set me up, like, put a whole bunch of electrodes and on me, and then the second I die, you get to, like, cut me open and do an autopsy and be like, oh, what killed him? Oh, his stomach exploded because he ate too many mushrooms. [00:55:22] Speaker B: Autopsies are so much fun. Oh, my God. [00:55:27] Speaker C: There's this guy in Minnesota who checked his sick wife out of a nursing home and threw a death party. She ended up, like, doing tons of meth, listening to metal and having sex. [00:55:42] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, like, I want My funeral to be a celebration. I want it to be like a cool ass time. Like, people come out and be like, dude, there's fucking strippers here. You know, there's fucking, you know, drugs here and alcohol here. There's dry ice and fucking Everclear. Holy shit. [00:56:03] Speaker B: What's the dry ice for? [00:56:05] Speaker A: Oh, you don't know about this? Okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna put you onto something crazy. So if you take dry ice and pour Everclear or any high proof alcohol on it. [00:56:16] Speaker B: Uh huh. [00:56:17] Speaker A: The fumes that come off the dry ice will get you up when you inhale them. [00:56:28] Speaker B: So it's aerosolizing the alcohol pretty much. [00:56:30] Speaker A: Yep. [00:56:32] Speaker B: Like, is it just like straight evaporating it? [00:56:36] Speaker A: Well, it's like freezing it and then like turning it into like, you know, like gas. Like it's mixing, you know, and just bringing it up. I'll get some dry ice and I'll show you. Like, it doesn't stay in for long because it's not like. [00:57:03] Speaker B: I mean, the alcohol denatures pretty quickly. [00:57:06] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, like, it, yeah, it's not going to like, keep you up like for a long time. But since it passes, you know, the, like the blood brain barrier pretty quickly, it's like get you like fucked up. [00:57:20] Speaker B: Oh, oh, oh, okay. Because you're breathing it in, so it's going straight through your lungs. [00:57:25] Speaker A: Mm. Instead of having to get processed by like your liver and all that. And then like, all right, there you go. Now you can get drunk. But don't do that, kids. Do not do that. You know, I, I, I'm not recommending you do that. [00:57:48] Speaker B: How do bath salts work? [00:57:52] Speaker A: You, you put them in your bath and then, you know, they like soften your skin or something. [00:57:58] Speaker B: No bath salts? [00:57:59] Speaker A: The drugs? [00:58:00] Speaker B: Yes. [00:58:02] Speaker A: Probably like smoke it or something. I don't know. It's some trashy fucking Florida drugs. Like Crocodile. [00:58:09] Speaker B: There's a drug called Crocodile? [00:58:11] Speaker A: There's a drug called Crocodile? Yes. [00:58:12] Speaker B: That's amazing. [00:58:14] Speaker A: And it's an injectable and it fucking like it's made of like gasoline. [00:58:20] Speaker B: I don't think that's supposed to go in your veins. [00:58:22] Speaker A: No, it's, it's definitely not. It like erodes your veins. It's crazy. What's in the crocodile drug? Psychoactive ingredient. Desomorphine. Codeine. Yeah. Does tissue damage, infections and systemic damage. Does major damage to the liver and kidneys. Yeah. Don't do crocodile either. Yeah, it's all bad. Don't do drugs, kid. How about that? Just don't do Drugs. Like, like do sleep. Like sleep is pretty solid. [00:59:12] Speaker B: Sleep is dope as hell. [00:59:14] Speaker A: Like, go work like really hard at your job and give it a hundred percent and then come home and like get like a full eight hours of sleep with Rim in there and all that. Oh, man. And dream. Ah, blow your mind. But next story, A Colorado man was hit in the eye by a foul ball and he sues a Rocky. In part blaming the team's poor performance. [00:59:48] Speaker B: What did they lose? [00:59:49] Speaker A: The Colorado Rockies always lose. Colorado Rockies suck. Let's see like how many times they've ever won. Let's see. [01:00:01] Speaker B: That's a lame ass name too. [01:00:05] Speaker A: Let's see. Search Google. Okay, so they just played a game today against the New York Yankees on the New York Yankees, 13. Colorado Rockies 1. [01:00:19] Speaker B: Okay. The Yankees are a really good team though. [01:00:22] Speaker A: But to get one against like you get one, that's it. [01:00:31] Speaker B: Will they cancel a baseball game if it's windy enough? [01:00:34] Speaker A: No, no, they'll cat cancel. They'll like delay it if it's raining. But. Yeah, this is baseball. Like, you know, you have nine innings. Let's see. Yeah. In the fourth inning, you know, they, the Rockies got a run and then nothing else. Damn. In the first inning the Yankees got a run and then the fifth inning, they got 10. Eighth inning, they got another two. Yeah, no, like the Colorado Rockies absolutely suck. Let me, let me see. You know what their games are? Oh, they, they did. You know, they have won some games. Okay, good for you guys. Standings. Yeah, they're not great. Yeah. At the bottom. Jesus Christ. Wins, 9, losses, 43. [01:01:55] Speaker B: Oh, my God, that's amazing. [01:01:59] Speaker A: Well, like, even the Pirates, you know, they have 19 wins. I, I think I'm looking right now. Yeah, they are the worst team. They are the entire worst team in the, in the National League. Let's see. American League. Let's see if, if anyone has, you know. Nope, nope. They, they are the absolute losers out of everyone That's. [01:02:27] Speaker B: Yeah, it's hard to be the bottom. [01:02:30] Speaker A: You know. Welcome to Colorado. Our baseball team sucks. You know, like the Padres, that, they're, they're doing okay. Diamondbacks, okay. Dodgers. They're doing good, actually. You know, Colorado Rockies garbage. So. Yes, this guy got hit in the eye in a 2023 game. I don't know why you showed up. That's what you get for showing up and supporting this garbage team. That totally is his fault. Like, you know, you should have like walked in and you're probably the only one in the stands and like, you know, you should have walked in paid for a ticket and then get punched in the eye and like, le. Oh, that's hilarious. So he was a guest of the box owner and did not pay for a ticket. [01:03:30] Speaker C: Oh my God. Wow. [01:03:39] Speaker A: You know, Timothy rocks Sakel. I mean, it's gonna just call, call you. Tim suffered catastrophic and permanent injuries when he was hit in the face. You know, apparently you weren't paying attention to the game. It wasn't that good of a game either. And you were going against the New York Yankees, who they just, you know, lost against. Oh, yeah. Apparently you were not paying attention to the game. Cuz obviously they're going to, you know, get spanked by the Yanks. But yeah, the foul ball was hit by the Colorado Rockies batter in the bottom of the first inning. Oh, that sucks. He couldn't see it coming. Because of architectural elements including the ceiling of the luxury box and the overhangs of the stadium bleacher seats, it was not physically possible for him to see the foul box. Foul ball from the seed in question. [01:04:45] Speaker B: Is that a good excuse? [01:04:50] Speaker A: I, I, I love, you know, more Colorado Rockies coverage, you know, oh, like the Rockies beat the Yankees 3 to 2. Good job, guys. And then, you know, this team beats the Rockies. The, this team beat the Rockies. This team beat the Rockies. This team beat the Rockies. Good job, idiots. [01:05:15] Speaker B: Morale meetings must be really rough. [01:05:20] Speaker C: Yep. [01:05:20] Speaker A: I, I'm sure they get around, just like, share a joint and they're like, dude, should we, like, practice baseball? It's like, dude, I've seen it on TV before. It's like, dude, we're on tv, man. Like, we're some of the most famous baseball players in Colorado. It's like, I think we're the only baseball players in Colorado. Everyone else is either, you know, driving around in their Subaru or riding around on their bicycle. Dude. Or rock climbing. Why do we even have a team? [01:06:00] Speaker B: Rock climbing is fun. I just don't have the ability to do it. [01:06:08] Speaker A: So, yeah, hopefully that guy, you know, WINS, you know, 10 of the team. So he'll get like a hundred dollars. [01:06:17] Speaker B: No, they'll just give him a, they'll just give him some free tickets to their next show. [01:06:21] Speaker A: I, I hope, I, I honestly hope that's what happens. Like, he gets like another free T. Gets like season tickets to come see the Rockies. Like, we are so sorry. This will not happen again. And like, he keeps on getting hit. Like every game he shows up to, like, they, like, we'll put you in a different seat. Like, it's impossible. No one has ever hit a Ball over here. And it's impossible to hit a ball over here. We'll have a net in front of you, you know, and they'll still, like, hit him in the head. Like, what the. Like, kids will be like, all around him with the gloves, like, we're going catch the ball. They all miss it and still hits him in the head anyway. It's like, are you aiming for me? It's like, we're not. It's like, maybe you should, like, choose, like, a different sport. And he goes like, hockey and gets killed. Like, the puck comes through and hits him in the head. Like on. What's that Adam Sandler movie? Happy Gilmore. [01:07:33] Speaker B: Is there any. Is there a sport Adam Sandler didn't make a movie about? [01:07:37] Speaker A: Yeah, a bunch. [01:07:38] Speaker B: Like what? [01:07:39] Speaker A: Like curling. [01:07:41] Speaker B: Okay. I feel like it'd be really hard to make a movie about curling. [01:07:46] Speaker A: Now I have to see. God damn it. Is there a movie about curling? [01:07:52] Speaker B: I'll be shocked if the answer is no. [01:07:54] Speaker A: Men with Brooms. There are several movies about curling. Men with Brooms. Curling. A brilliant curling story. And curl power. Sticks and Stones. A battle for the soul of curling. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I mean, there's, you know, movies about any sport. Like. Like, there's movies about ski jumping. [01:08:33] Speaker B: What's the. What's the one with the dog in it? The golden retriever. [01:08:38] Speaker A: Airbud. [01:08:39] Speaker B: Yeah, that's. [01:08:43] Speaker A: I'm actually surprised I got on the first one. There's, like, a million of them. There's, like, one where, like, a dog gets, like, lost. He has to go find his owner. He's like, hey, it's me. And, like, you, like, hear from, like, the dog's perspective, and, like, there was, like, ew, gross. See? What. Oh, we're already past an hour. [01:09:13] Speaker B: Oh, we are. [01:09:13] Speaker A: Yeah. I know, right? It's making sure. All right, let's blow through these stories. Marjorie Taylor Green. You know, the old lady got into a fight on Tick Tock with AI which is hilarious. [01:09:36] Speaker B: That is hilarious. [01:09:38] Speaker A: A Texas man sues Whataburger for nearly a million after the burger had onions on it. Kansas City. Or Kansas parents whose four porn sites that her son visited despite age verification law. I mean, went on chatterbait and like that. And a kid in the UK brought a grenade to school, and they. They complain about us over here. An AI Is threatening to blackmail if it's going to be removed. And in North Dakota vetoes a housing budget by mistake. But we'll go ahead and end it there. We had relationship advice about a husband that decided he wanted to marry best friend, like, his wife's best friend. And the best friend's like you. They broke up and there's a mother in law that came and destroyed a giant Lego, you know, set the. Yeah. Like, the husband and the son loved building Legos, and the mother in law came and destroyed and, like, be a man. Focus on men. And now she's not allowed over the house no more. [01:11:10] Speaker B: Good. [01:11:11] Speaker A: Yep. You're a. But, yeah, that's it. We'll be back next week with some more crazy nonsense and maybe some more education. Who knows? I might have to, like, go, you know, make. Was it mozzarella? Off to, like, do Italian hands while I make it? [01:11:34] Speaker B: Yes, the. Mm. [01:11:37] Speaker A: I'll tell you how it went. Or how it didn't go. I mean, I have to fucking leave the house tomorrow anyway to go pick up some stuff, so maybe I might just go over to, you know, Safeway really quick and get all the stuff to make mozzarella. [01:11:56] Speaker B: As long as you say it that way. [01:11:59] Speaker A: Mozzarella. [01:12:02] Speaker B: You're kind of starting to sound like a vampire. [01:12:05] Speaker A: Ah, ah, ah. I got the mozzarellas. All right. See.