Florida Man Games

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Alrighty. Alrighty everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Human podcast with my lovely wife over here. [00:00:09] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:00:10] Speaker A: We got Courtney in the other land. Courtney, say hi. I'm like, oh no, is Courtney frozen? [00:00:21] Speaker C: Oh, I'm so sorry I'm being a creep and like sitting here in the dark. [00:00:25] Speaker A: I know, I'm like looking at your camera. I'm like, what the fuck is going she's just sitting there and like, hello. It's like we're about to tell scary stories. I'm like, Halloween is already done. [00:00:38] Speaker B: Yeah, it's the end of spooky season. [00:00:40] Speaker A: I don't care. [00:00:41] Speaker B: Now it's stuffing season. [00:00:45] Speaker A: It's stuffing season. [00:00:46] Speaker B: Stuffing is disgusting. [00:00:49] Speaker A: Stuffing is okay for like so gross a day for like a plate a year. That's where stuffing is good for. If you get like stuffing what are you doing? [00:01:02] Speaker B: No, there is never a good time for stuffing. It is revolting. [00:01:06] Speaker A: I like stuffing. [00:01:07] Speaker B: It's literally the fucking savory version of monkey bread, which is also disgusting. [00:01:12] Speaker A: Monkey bread's good. [00:01:13] Speaker B: Monkey bread is foul. [00:01:15] Speaker A: Like lube that shit up. I'm going to get some WD 40 on it. [00:01:18] Speaker B: I was going to say that what she said like all wrong. [00:01:26] Speaker A: But I like watching horror movies, except I cannot watch them with my wife around. [00:01:34] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:01:35] Speaker A: What are you doing? [00:01:36] Speaker B: Taking a picture of Mochi. [00:01:39] Speaker A: I'm like looking at her having a conversation with my wife and then she just like picks up her phone. Yeah, I know. She looks down disdainfully at me. What is he doing? Talking into a podcast for an uncaring audience. [00:01:52] Speaker B: Not paying attention to her. [00:01:54] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't care. But yeah, I can't watch any fucking scary shit with you around because you're going to have like nightmares. [00:02:04] Speaker B: I will have nightmares. I have a nightmare disorder. [00:02:07] Speaker A: And it's like for me, I'm like, I can play zombie games. I'm like watch zombie movies. I apply science and logic to horror movies. Like one of my favorites is Chucky. There's a series of these movies about a killer doll that has like the spirit or the soul of a serial killer in it because of a gym or some dumb bullshit in it. Didn't really pay that much attention. I'm just like, oh, did you guys forget that it's a fucking doll? Stomp on it, kick it, do something. Throw it into a fire. It's a doll holding a knife. How are you afraid of this thing? If it could fly, that's one thing, but it can't. It can just walk towards you and say I love you when you press its hand or some dumb shit. I hate this movie. [00:03:14] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:03:17] Speaker B: Is Friday Night Fridays a movie or is it a game? [00:03:20] Speaker A: Friday night Fridays. [00:03:22] Speaker B: Freddy's. [00:03:24] Speaker A: Five nights at Fredy's. [00:03:25] Speaker B: Yes. [00:03:27] Speaker A: I'm like Friday night, Freddy's. I'm like, sounds like a know dance movie. We're going to Friday Night Freddy's and going to dance the night away. Five Nights at Fredy's is a fucking video game originally that got adapted into a book and other dumb bullshit. It might be a movie at this point, who knows? But it's pretty much a take on what happens to Chuck E. Cheese after it closes down. And you're security guard at one of these animatronic fucking pizza joints and you work at night and the fucking animatronics come to life and try and go boo at you. That's the whole game. They don't slaughter you. They go that's how you fucking lose. They scream in your face. It's a jump scare and it jumps in your face. Got you. It's like, oh. And if you shine a flashlight in their face, they're like, oh, you got me. I'm like, what is this, some swiper? No swiping bullshit. That's literally the whole fucking game. You flip through cameras beg. I saw you on the camera. You're not allowed to move. And it's like, drats. You got me. They go back and you have to continuously swipe through and fucking do like, little things to make sure that they don't get you. Close fucking doors. [00:04:58] Speaker B: Did you have fun playing the game? [00:05:00] Speaker A: No. It's like the shitty game, but children love it for no good reason. It's so scary because you're sitting in a dark office and you usually play with the lights out and your headphones on. And if jump scares get you like, oh, then yeah. Like back in the day, there was a game, it was a maze. So you had to use your mouse and fucking navigate the maze. First level was easy. Boom. [00:05:38] Speaker B: The one with the Russian teddy bear. Never mind. Clearly not. Continue. [00:05:44] Speaker A: The Russian teddy bear? Yeah, I mean, there's a fucking bear in it, but you get harder and harder levels. And at the last fucking level, it gets really tiny and you have to go really slow and get really close to the screen to see it. And then the second you finish, it jump scares you. [00:06:05] Speaker B: That's nice. [00:06:06] Speaker A: It's hilarious because I saw a video of one kid doing it to his little brother and their brother punched the screen. [00:06:13] Speaker B: Oh, shit. [00:06:18] Speaker A: I'm like, golden. That better be worth it. Your little brother punches screen, your father's going to come home and punch you ten times. It's hard, but yes. I'm not afraid of horror. But there is things to be afraid of, though, in this world. Like waking up, looking down at your clock and realizing that work started 2 hours ago. [00:06:56] Speaker C: Oh, God, I hate the work nightmares that you get, it's really shitty. [00:07:05] Speaker A: Or like when you go to sleep and wake in your dream, you're like working and you got to the end of your day and you're like, this is a great end of my dream. And then you wake up and you have to go to work. It's like, no. What? [00:07:21] Speaker B: I just remembered I'm still salty about my dream. The other night I bought food and I put in the fridge and I did not eat the food. [00:07:28] Speaker A: That was her dream. [00:07:29] Speaker B: I'm so mad about that. I got good food and I put it in the fridge, and then I just didn't dream eating it. [00:07:36] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:07:37] Speaker A: Tell everybody what the good where a. [00:07:40] Speaker C: Sister was angry because of something she supposedly did at prom. And it was on the balcony, and the school that they went to and the prom that they went to didn't have a freaking balcony. It was a fucking dream. And just had been angry this whole time. So annoying. [00:08:01] Speaker A: Women are dumb. Okay? This is the most true thing you'll ever fucking know in your entire life. Everyone listening. Listen the fuck up and listen well. Everyone is insane and dumb. Everyone. Men, women, doesn't matter. Children, old people, you're all fucking dumb, annoying assholes. And I can prove know little kids love fucking Five Nights at Freddy's, which is a game where you sit in an office. It is literally a game about going to work and you might die. [00:08:38] Speaker B: Doesn't sound like a bad option. [00:08:41] Speaker A: Might. And if you die, you have to start the day over again. You don't just die and it's like, oh, game over. You have to start the day over again. And you have to do five nights of this, and it gets progressively fucking harder. And I guess there's fucking lore and shit. Women anytime. I've ever been at karaoke. And Carrie Underwoods before he cheats. Comes on like that song. Like I dug my keys into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive. [00:09:18] Speaker B: Why do you know the words? [00:09:20] Speaker A: Such a great song. Okay, like women get hurt. Holy shit. I'll see a woman sing it with emotion. Like she's like, I was there. I was there. Hagrid. I saw it. It's like took a Louisville Slug out of both. Had lots, slashed a hole in awful girl. You're singing about a felony. You're singing about some shit you're going to go to jail for and confessing to it. Okay. It's not a great it's something that. [00:10:05] Speaker C: You can say, oh, it was clearly acting. I'm not really going to do that, though. [00:10:13] Speaker A: How hilarious would it be if it was a true story? And she made a shitload of money off of that story. She's like paid off as fucking pretty little souped up four wheel drive and like, hey, here you go. Here's 80,000. Don't fucking cheat on me ever again. I'm going to write a song about this. You're a piece of shit. And that guy's like, fuck. God damn it. I never knew she was going to be this fucking successful. What are you googling something stupid? I mean, like, women. I'm already telling you all the stories you need to know, okay? [00:10:58] Speaker B: I'm googling to see if Carrie Underwood still believes in God. [00:11:02] Speaker A: I don't even know if it's Carrie Underwood. Honestly. [00:11:04] Speaker B: I thought it was Carrie Underwood. [00:11:06] Speaker A: It might be Carrie Underwood. [00:11:07] Speaker B: Is it not? Is it the chick with the k who wore the red dress. [00:11:12] Speaker A: What? [00:11:12] Speaker B: That's all I can give you. [00:11:15] Speaker A: It's probably Carrie Underwood. I'm just going to go with Carrie now. I'm going to have to fucking look it up. Carrie Underwood before he cheats. Yeah, it men. [00:11:30] Speaker B: Can't believe I expected Google to know the answer to this. What the fuck? [00:11:33] Speaker A: Men are just insane. Like, anytime you watch them do anything that is annoying, they will freak the fuck out. Give them tiny Legos. Don't give them regular Legos. Give them tiny Legos. [00:11:52] Speaker B: Those hurt worse when you step on them. [00:11:54] Speaker A: Yeah, but watch a man try and put this shit together and just lose his fucking mind when one of them eventually, like the one by one piece, like the idiest, bittiest, fucking flat piece in the world, fucking flies across the room, lands in the carpet to be lost for all time. [00:12:15] Speaker B: Yeah, that happened with my seal. But it turned out fine. [00:12:19] Speaker A: Until one day you're just like, walking, and then the bottom of your heel finds that fucking Lego piece, and then you take that fucking tiny little figurine that you fucking spend so much time and you throw it across the room. That's the insanity of a man. [00:12:38] Speaker B: Did it make you feel better? [00:12:41] Speaker A: No, I didn't step on the fucking Lego. [00:12:43] Speaker B: But if you threw it across the room afterwards, would it make you feel better? [00:12:46] Speaker A: It's just anger. [00:12:48] Speaker B: So would it make you feel better? [00:12:50] Speaker A: Maybe not. [00:12:51] Speaker B: Why do it if it doesn't make you feel better? [00:12:55] Speaker A: It's like masturbating when you're angry. [00:12:59] Speaker B: What the fuck? [00:13:00] Speaker A: Have you never masturbated angry? [00:13:02] Speaker B: No. That's fucking weird. Wait. Am I weird? [00:13:08] Speaker C: People do it for different reasons. [00:13:10] Speaker B: EW. No, I don't even like masturbating. [00:13:14] Speaker A: Yeah. I got to fucking crank my hob tonight. [00:13:21] Speaker B: Vaginas are disgusting. [00:13:27] Speaker C: Just like when I accidentally, like, touched the pen that you use. So sorry. Yeah. [00:13:36] Speaker B: I'm so sorry. [00:13:38] Speaker A: What happened? [00:13:39] Speaker B: I'm so sorry. [00:13:41] Speaker C: She didn't have anything or any access to get any toys? [00:13:47] Speaker B: No. [00:13:48] Speaker C: So she had this one pen that. [00:13:50] Speaker B: She used that it had ten colors. Yeah, it's bad. [00:13:57] Speaker C: And it was on her bed when I ended up staying over. [00:14:02] Speaker A: And you just look over and it's like in her mouth and she's I'm like, get that out of your mouth. [00:14:11] Speaker B: I'm so sorry, Courtney. [00:14:12] Speaker A: It's like, why? It's like it was in my butt. [00:14:15] Speaker B: Thank you for still loving me as a friend. [00:14:18] Speaker C: It's okay. It's all right. [00:14:27] Speaker A: See, like, dudes, we don't really get that many sex toys. [00:14:31] Speaker B: It was a really shitty pen, too. Like, it did nothing. [00:14:34] Speaker A: It just like splintered inside your post. You're like, no fucking blood ink inside. There like the red just all shot out. And you're like, am I on my period? I don't know. [00:14:49] Speaker B: I don't know. [00:14:51] Speaker A: But as a man, I don't get sex toys. What do we get? Our hands and a bottle of lotion. [00:15:04] Speaker B: You can use fruit. [00:15:06] Speaker A: No, I am above that bullshit. Okay, I will get a fleshlight, fuck the shit out of it and discard it like some fucking dumb crackhead. Know? Just needs a quick release. [00:15:20] Speaker B: Didn't you get those egg thingies for Ben? [00:15:23] Speaker A: I did, yeah. The tinga eggs. Yes. They are one use. Do not reuse them. They are like a condom. Yeah, use it and throw it the fuck away. To go into a landfill filled with trash and semen. Which is great because it's on the Pacific Ocean and they're all singing fucking pirate melodies. Yo ho, yo ho. Whatanga life for me. [00:15:53] Speaker C: So annoying. [00:15:55] Speaker A: What? [00:15:56] Speaker C: They freaking came up right away when I searched for it on Amazon. [00:16:00] Speaker A: Tanga eggs. [00:16:01] Speaker C: But freaking try to search for stuff for me. I have to go like searching, searching. [00:16:10] Speaker A: Yes, because fucking dildos look like penises, which are offensive. But tanga eggs just look like a fucking tanga egg. It's just an egg that's made of silicone that goes over your fucking dicked. [00:16:24] Speaker C: Peach. Like seriously, it looks like. [00:16:28] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, they're great. [00:16:33] Speaker C: Oh my god. [00:16:36] Speaker A: You just go up into Amazon, you can get like a six back. Yeah, it legitimately. Says one time used suit for stretchable male masturbator sleeve. Yeah, they're $6.50. I can get a couple of these. [00:16:53] Speaker C: What the fuck? [00:16:54] Speaker A: What? [00:16:54] Speaker B: No, I'm just reading this and I'm getting more and more irritated about it. [00:16:59] Speaker C: There's like a male masturbator egg six packs that has different textures. [00:17:05] Speaker A: Yeah, a fucking normal dude that has a high sex drive. Can go through that in a couple of days. [00:17:13] Speaker C: What the fuck is that? [00:17:16] Speaker A: What? [00:17:18] Speaker C: I wonder, can I share my screen? [00:17:21] Speaker A: Probably? [00:17:23] Speaker C: No, I don't think so. [00:17:25] Speaker A: Let me see. [00:17:28] Speaker C: Oh, share screen. [00:17:32] Speaker A: Yeah, let everyone show their screen. Yeah, you can share your screen. [00:17:36] Speaker C: Oh, I can show my screen. [00:17:38] Speaker A: Yes, you can. [00:17:40] Speaker C: Oh my God. [00:17:42] Speaker B: We're all such fucking boomers. [00:17:45] Speaker C: Okay. Where was I going? Oh, there we go. What the hell? Oh my God. [00:17:58] Speaker A: Oh, it just has cubes inside of it. [00:18:01] Speaker C: Yeah. And wash it. [00:18:06] Speaker A: That reminds me of do you ever go on TikTok and there's people making like slime and then they just put whatever fucking knickknacks in it? [00:18:16] Speaker B: Oh my god, I love those. [00:18:18] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm like that is what this looks like. [00:18:22] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:18:27] Speaker A: I love seeing what she has in her fucking cart that she saved for later. [00:18:33] Speaker C: Yeah. None of it is really weird, but only because I thought I could get a deal on it. [00:18:43] Speaker A: Well, I mean, Black Friday is still around the corner. Black Friday? [00:18:50] Speaker C: Yeah. I forgot that's coming up. [00:18:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:54] Speaker C: And they're fucking freaked out because I'll tell you later. Have some electrical actually, no, I don't care. No one's going to we have electrical issues and our panel needs to be redone. And so I guess you need a permit to do that. [00:19:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:16] Speaker C: And so we got caught because the electrician I guess on the power company side, there was exposed wiring that was a fire hazard. So we had to call Edison and they could totally tell. So now we have to get a permit. But we had some people that were supposed to come yesterday, but of course the account needs to be fully paid off even if your bill isn't due until later in the month. So it's like we had to pay it off really quick. And they weren't even able to come out on time because of how their system works because they're fucking stupid. [00:20:00] Speaker A: That's dumb as hell. [00:20:02] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:20:06] Speaker A: I mean, get a fucking permit. [00:20:08] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm going to. [00:20:12] Speaker A: Pretty easy shit to do. You just go on the website, apply for a permit, tell them to come, cut your power. They come and cut your power. You have to do it all fucking to the code and to the book and it fucking sucks and it's fucking arduous. But once it's done, it's done. Are you able? Yeah. [00:20:39] Speaker C: Oh, wait, you have to have a license though. [00:20:41] Speaker A: Nope. [00:20:43] Speaker C: In California. You do? [00:20:44] Speaker A: Oh, maybe. But out here in Colorado you don't. It does have to get inspected. So an inspector that knows what they're doing is going to come out and make sure that it's all done up to code. So if it's not, he's going to say, fuck you, you don't get power now eat a dick. [00:21:06] Speaker C: Annoying. [00:21:07] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, it really is. So it's like make sure you know what you're doing. Make sure you have a fucking full ass game plan before cutting that power. And make sure you're ready to go because you have a day to get that panel all ripped out and everything. Yeah, there's some things you can do is switch off all the fucking things. But for the most part, you're not allowed to really touch anything until you get a permit. And the only thing with getting a permit is if you are selling the house or if something happens, like the house burns down because of some electrical bullshit. Your homeowners insurance can say, fuck you, you did some unpermitted work and your house burnt down as a consequence of you doing unpermitted work. So we're not going to pay you. And also if you do unpermitted work, another consequence can be that if your house burns down and then burns the house next to it, you can be held criminally liable for that. [00:22:19] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:22:24] Speaker A: Activation tube. I thought it was like some weird lube. [00:22:32] Speaker C: It's supposed to be. I know it's honey. [00:22:39] Speaker A: Let's see what it is. [00:22:41] Speaker C: Certain stuff anyway. [00:22:47] Speaker A: But yeah, today was like the first day I've ever gotten a rug doctor ever in my entire life. [00:22:55] Speaker C: Wait, haven't you gotten a rug doctor before? [00:22:57] Speaker A: No. [00:22:58] Speaker C: To do our other rental? [00:23:00] Speaker A: No, I had a fucking shampooer. [00:23:03] Speaker C: Oh, yeah? [00:23:04] Speaker A: I owned one. [00:23:05] Speaker C: What happened to that shampooer? [00:23:08] Speaker A: Fucking it got left at Pyros. [00:23:11] Speaker B: What? [00:23:12] Speaker A: Yeah. Got left there. Well, a ton of shit got left there. [00:23:21] Speaker C: Wow. [00:23:25] Speaker A: Yeah. My wife's over here looking guilty. She's like, I'm sorry your stuff got. [00:23:31] Speaker B: Left behind because you had so much more crap than I did. I literally got rid of half of my stuff when we moved. Okay, you're the one who had too much stuff. [00:23:42] Speaker C: Yeah. I can buy you had like a ton of shit in the garage in that back room downstairs. [00:23:53] Speaker B: Like, when I die, you're going to be in Hoarders. [00:23:56] Speaker A: Yeah, but here's the thing. I'm the one that fucking paid for shit. [00:24:05] Speaker B: So what? We literally haven't used a rug doctor until we moved in to today. Otherwise, it just would have been taking up space. [00:24:16] Speaker A: I think you forget the fact that I got that shampoo for free. [00:24:21] Speaker C: Yeah, free shit. [00:24:25] Speaker A: Game recognized game. If it's free, it's free. How are you going to fault me for that? Still my shit. Even if it's free shit? [00:24:35] Speaker B: I'm not faulting you for getting free shit. I'm faulting you for blaming me for not being able to move all your crud. [00:24:43] Speaker A: We had 30 days to move and. [00:24:45] Speaker B: We did our best. And for me to get my stuff out, I got rid of stuff as much as possible because I knew I couldn't move it all. [00:24:55] Speaker C: Oh, my no. [00:24:56] Speaker B: Literally, I moved five boxes of my stuff in total. [00:25:01] Speaker A: I remember. [00:25:04] Speaker B: Did you get rid? [00:25:07] Speaker A: Well, no, I had a trash company come out and we fucking loaded that bitch up. I was like, yeah, fucking take all this shit. But I had my mini fridge that I have in the room now for beer and alcohol. And we'll take this for free. We won't even charge you. I'm like, It works. Why would I give it to you for free? No, I can sell this $10 on fucking Marketplace and someone will be here in 20 minutes. The fuck would I give it to you for free? Like, good job shooting our shot, but yeah. No fucking way. And now I'm glad I didn't because I have it here now. Fucking chilling eggnog and shit. [00:25:53] Speaker B: Oh, that's where your eggnog went? [00:25:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:25:56] Speaker C: See, it is so hard to find stuff. That's why I ended up saving it. Oh, wow. Look at that one. That one looks kind of like an octopus. [00:26:04] Speaker A: Yeah. It goes into your panties and has a little remote control. [00:26:08] Speaker C: Yep. [00:26:09] Speaker A: You should like like Amazon's not a great place to find sex toys. I would go to Adam and, you know, fucking know more. [00:26:19] Speaker C: I've gotten like two to three of them and they seem fine. [00:26:25] Speaker A: Yeah, no, they are. Like, anything on Amazon is just as good. It's like how much does that cost? [00:26:35] Speaker C: This 125. [00:26:37] Speaker B: Okay. [00:26:38] Speaker A: That one's 18. [00:26:39] Speaker C: Well, the red one's 18, but I'd probably it looks like a freaking weird. Look at this dark red color. [00:26:49] Speaker B: Oh, that's like peach or maybe even coral. [00:26:53] Speaker A: It looks like a reverse pussy because. [00:26:57] Speaker B: It goes in right? [00:26:58] Speaker C: Yeah, the little hump goes to the badge and then the little bead goes on your clit. [00:27:10] Speaker A: Like, we're looking at sex toys through Courtney's Amazon. [00:27:15] Speaker B: I actually like this. [00:27:17] Speaker A: You like that? [00:27:18] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:19] Speaker A: Fucking send it to my wife. Like, send her a link of that. [00:27:22] Speaker B: Like the pink. [00:27:26] Speaker C: Able you'll be able to choose the color. Okay. [00:27:34] Speaker A: Oh, you just sent that. Hopefully that's you. [00:27:38] Speaker C: That's you. [00:27:40] Speaker B: Yes, me. [00:27:41] Speaker A: Okay. I'm like oh, no, that's not her name. Oh, no. Did you send it to your church friend? That's the worst. It's like when your phone just doesn't ask you if you're sure when sending a text message. [00:27:57] Speaker B: What? [00:27:59] Speaker A: If you ever send, like, a picture, your phone should always back. Are you sure that way? Yeah, I mean, I'm fucking paranoid that I never send anything weird over text. When was the last time I even sent you anything? Like a dick pic? [00:28:21] Speaker B: I mean, typically we do that over messenger. [00:28:24] Speaker A: I mean, I don't really send you dick pics over messenger. [00:28:28] Speaker B: No, if I want one, I will request it. [00:28:32] Speaker A: Yeah, fucking I'll just go dig through the archives and just send you one from, like, the beginning. [00:28:38] Speaker B: I have recognized that on occasion. [00:28:41] Speaker A: Yeah, it's the best. [00:28:43] Speaker B: No, it's not. [00:28:45] Speaker A: It's the same dick. [00:28:46] Speaker B: It's insulting. [00:28:49] Speaker A: My dick is not as strong or as hard as it once was. Okay. [00:28:53] Speaker B: Who cares? [00:28:54] Speaker C: Won't be able to tell on the picture. [00:28:56] Speaker B: Who cares? Do you care? [00:28:59] Speaker A: I feel like single women, when dudes are like, hey, can I get some nudes? They have five pictures just in a nudes folder that are like their best fucking nudes. And they're like, send one of those. [00:29:14] Speaker B: You ever see the picture of a girl? The dude wanted a nude, so she sent him a picture of her knees in the bra and made it look like they were titties. [00:29:22] Speaker C: Oh, that was pretty funny. Her elbow. [00:29:29] Speaker A: My favorite is when it's like a dude and he has his arm folded over and he's like, fingering the folds of just where his fucking bicep meets his tricep. He's like, fingering it. He's like you're gay. Or he has like a hairy butt and he's like, fingering his butt a little bit and he zooms out. It's like, Samantha, you're still gay. [00:30:02] Speaker B: Oh, my God. There's one where the sits are kind of saggy, but there's still nice cities. And you zoom out and it's this old lady who has like a full backless dress and that's like her butt. [00:30:13] Speaker A: Crack. [00:30:16] Speaker B: And she has white hair. She's like in her sixty s. Seventy S. Like it fucking funny. [00:30:24] Speaker A: My favorite was back in the day. Back in dial up days, you would send friends, like photos of chicks with dicks. And so there'd be beautiful women up top. And it's like it'd print like a fucking old printer. It load it from the top and go like one line at a time because it took forever. And it's like and then you're like, tits. Yes. And you're fucking vigorously beating your meat, like, yes. And big ass dick. Big, huge dick. Giant dick. Fucking veiny, bulging dick. You know that she's proud of it. I'm like, God damn it. And you come the second you see the dick. It's just like a fear response, I think. It's like, what? Oh, no. And you're like, blowing a load all over your computer screen and have to complain and cry and wipe the come off and explain to everybody that is also in the living room. It's like, what the fuck, dude? You came all over the computer looking at transgender porn. Because that's where the computer used to be. Back in, like, the living room. There wasn't an office. There was no such thing as that. You didn't have a room for an office. You didn't need to one. But let's get into some news. We've already gotten a whole bunch of other no. Ah. Stop. What are you doing? Stop that. All right. We only got a few news stories this week, so that's why we did a bunch of banter. Up top. A Pennsylvania pig called Kevin Bacon captured with a sticky bun filled with Benadryl after 18 days on the lamb. So I wonder if it'll just give me it does. That's so fucking nice. I paid for fucking ad blocker and it's like, yeah, here you go. All right. [00:33:03] Speaker B: Pigs can get dangerous. [00:33:07] Speaker A: There we go. [00:33:12] Speaker C: That just looks like a really that fucking pig. [00:33:15] Speaker A: It's not even that big of a pig either. I feel like you could just rope it up. They get way fucking bigger than that. [00:33:24] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. Now that I see it, it looks smaller. [00:33:27] Speaker A: It's like the size of, like, two cinder blocks. I'm like, oh, yeah, it's the size of a door. Like, not even running. Like, I feel like pigs run out of energy quick. It's like, just go pick it up. Just go lay on it. It's fine. But yeah. Over in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, kevin Bacon was a little foot loose for nearly jesus Christ. Whoever wrote this should feel bad. And they just gave him a sticky bun. Pet safe. Benadryl, that's a thing. [00:34:07] Speaker B: Yeah, but it's only dog safe. It's not cat safe. But Benadryl doesn't really work in cats. [00:34:18] Speaker A: The pig owners have reinforced his pen with a concrete below the ground to stop him from tunneling his way out again. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Normally the pigs are the one that lock people up, but, um, bumped like that's how you do that. Pigs like cops. Thank you for giving that nothing that deserves so much more. [00:34:47] Speaker B: I nodded. [00:34:48] Speaker A: Yeah, my wife nodded at me. I'm like, thank you. Cool. Now time for some more horrendous shit. Because I always try and I'm trying to stay away from death and death, and I'm definitely staying away from, like, Palestine because I don't care about them and I can't pretend to man accused of masturbating in Target claims it was a dildo and not his actual penis. Okay. Last week, a dude was fucking a let it snow. A fucking frozen Olaf Snowman, and now this dude is masturbating. A dildo? [00:35:41] Speaker C: Was it a dildo? Wait, what? [00:35:46] Speaker A: A 25 year old man arrested inside an Iowa target for indecent exposure maintains he was not masturbating inside the store. Instead, he claims he was merely handling a sex toy. [00:35:59] Speaker B: So I thought we were talking about Florida, but this is even better. [00:36:02] Speaker A: No, I have something special for fucking Florida. Fucking wildly special for Florida this week. Deshaun Brown was taken into custody on October twelveTH and subsequently released after posting a $3,000 bail. An arrest affidavit obtained by the Smoking Gun contends Brown, 25, was captured on surveillance cameras walking around the target in downtown Iowa City while masturbating. Yeah, no, he 100% fucking was just masturbating. Did they find a dildo? If he can produce a dildo, then I'll be like, okay, you're masturbating with the dildo, you're free to go. But if he can't, or if he produces a white dildo because this is a black dude, if he's like, here's the dildo, and it's just white, it's like, no, that wasn't you. It was a big old black, you know, but good for you. My wife will call you the second get out of prison. I'm sure of it. So deshaun. Stop that. You're making us other men look bad. Do that at Walmart. No one will even notice. No one will care. This is true jail or nothing. They'll be sir, stop. That's it. That's all you'll get. Stop it. That's grosso. Like, this dude a Somerset GIMP. Banned from gimping for five years. I didn't know gimping was a verb. [00:37:53] Speaker B: What's a GIMP? [00:37:55] Speaker A: A GIMP is a man that wears, like, a fucking suit. Like a full leather suit. We should fucking find out. What is a GIMP? God damn it. An unpleasant or stupid person. What is the point of a GIMP suit today? GIMP suits are more of an objectification and humiliation tool meant to use to degrade the wear to a sexual toy oppressed by the partner. [00:38:37] Speaker B: Okay. Can you Google GIMP suit and look at photos? [00:38:40] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, easily do that. Images like this. [00:38:54] Speaker B: Oh, it's latex. [00:38:55] Speaker A: Yeah, like latex or leather. Oh, so, yeah, I mean, like, they have, like, you know, their mouths and eyes can all get zippered shut. [00:39:11] Speaker B: Like, that weird. Like, like the weird demon dude from the Slayer, one we were watching last night. He had, like, mouths for eyes. [00:39:21] Speaker A: Not really, but we were watching Demon Slayer last night, and not quite, but just, like, imagine, like, a full body suit where they can zip your mouth shut and whip you just so you get an idea. So this man has been banned for gimping. A self employed gardener from Somerset has been banned from dressing in an all black GIMP suit in public at night and crawling wiggling or writhing on the ground for five years. I imagine at the end of this five years, he's just going, like, the. GIMP suit and just go back and do it again. Joshua Hunt, 32 years old, has been giving a sexual risk order which also prevents him from wearing any type of mask or face covering unless for medical reason. Yeah, dude, you're a fucking dork. Okay. In a series of bizarre instance where a man dressed in skin tight, dark clothing was seen writhing around on the ground and stepping out in front of cars and remote locations across North Somerset since 2018. So he hasn't just been doing this lately? He's been doing it for a while. Yeah. So apparently this dork has just been going out, laying on the ground and then jumping out at women and, like, scaring them. [00:41:00] Speaker B: Humans are weird. We're so fucking weird. [00:41:05] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay. He doesn't even have a good GIMP. [00:41:09] Speaker B: Oh, my God. That just looks like a sock he cut eyes out of. [00:41:12] Speaker A: Probably was. And he has like, white stuff around the eyes, which is probably just come. [00:41:20] Speaker B: Oh, my God. This isn't even like, official. It's just like spandex. Oh, my God. [00:41:27] Speaker A: This dork wasn't even doing a real GIMP suit. No, fuck him. Fuck him more. [00:41:32] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:41:33] Speaker A: Fuck him more. [00:41:35] Speaker B: I mean, he wants that. [00:41:38] Speaker A: No, he doesn't want to get fucked. He just wants to be humiliated. He has a fucking kink, a fetish. And I won't fucking, you know, fault the man for that. But it's like, dude, get a better GAM suit. [00:41:56] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:41:58] Speaker B: Like, read further down. [00:41:59] Speaker C: He told the police. [00:42:04] Speaker A: I am not a GIMP. I do not own a GIMP suit. Yeah, no, you don't. You don't. 100% you do not. You wear dark clothing. I fucking probably have that exact same outfit. Dude, am I a GIMP? No. Fuck you. I hope someone in the car fucking hits you. Dude, you're the worst. But I don't know if you all remember the wiggles. This was a fruit salad. Yeah. Yummy, yummy. That's the one. [00:42:45] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:42:46] Speaker C: They're old. [00:42:47] Speaker A: Old. [00:42:48] Speaker C: Holy fuck. [00:42:49] Speaker B: What the shits? [00:42:51] Speaker A: Yeah, they are. [00:42:53] Speaker B: What the fuck? [00:42:54] Speaker A: Wildly fucking old. Like, even the Asian guy looks old. [00:43:01] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:43:01] Speaker A: Holy fuck. Like, these were all kids. [00:43:06] Speaker B: Were they kids, though? [00:43:07] Speaker A: Pretty much. [00:43:08] Speaker B: I don't know. They're awfully old to have been kids. [00:43:11] Speaker A: They were younger than me when they did this shit. [00:43:13] Speaker B: When did they do this shit? [00:43:15] Speaker A: Probably in like their early thirty s. Oh, my God. Late 20s. Whatever, I don't care. But the children's band, The Wiggles are not happy with city officials in a Western Australia city that have been playing their music to residents for a few days this week. A public stage in the city of Bunbury it's a homeless shelter. Okay. They're playing Hot Potato on a loop over its speakers. So they have like a PA system, I guess. And they're just playing a hot potato, which I don't even remember this fucking. [00:43:59] Speaker C: Song I just heard it. [00:44:01] Speaker B: Like, drop it like it's hot. [00:44:05] Speaker A: Let's see. Okay, no, this is a different fucking group. This is 100% a different fucking group. Holy shit. Yeah. No, this is a different group altogether. Let me turn on the fucking volume so we can hear it. Let's see. Why is it not fucking doing it? Oh, it's on. The fuck is playing music now. Stop that. [00:44:46] Speaker C: Hot potato, hot potato, potato. Hot potato, potato. [00:44:52] Speaker A: Hot potato, potato, potato. Yeah, okay. [00:44:56] Speaker B: I didn't think something could be more annoying than fruit salad. [00:45:00] Speaker A: I had to stop that before I even hit. I'm like, I'm about to lose all the revenue from this fucking episode. No, I'm not. Absolutely fucking not. [00:45:11] Speaker B: Oh, my god. [00:45:12] Speaker A: I don't even know who the fuck these guys are. But apparently there's new fucking wiggles. [00:45:20] Speaker B: That makes more sense. [00:45:23] Speaker A: Yeah, the original fucking wiggles are just old people now. Good for them, though. They've passed it down. And this is why I'm glad I don't have kids, because honestly, if I had kids and they're like, hot potato, hot potato, I'd hit them. [00:45:42] Speaker B: Oh, my god. [00:45:43] Speaker A: And this is going to cause violence against the police in like I understand why they had the know, world's biggest mass shooting. Jesus Christ. So yeah. Don't fucking do that. Do not play that song. But if I'm homeless in that area, I'm leaving. Okay. I'll just put it that so and then for Florida, this week is very special. A huge week for Florida, because guess what's coming to Florida. [00:46:20] Speaker C: What? [00:46:20] Speaker A: The Florida Man game. So Pete mefi, the legend known as the Florida man, started a Florida man games where they're going to have such games as evading arrest and then some other dumb ass bullshit like fucking pool, noodle fights and dumb nonsense. I'm like, have wrestling with glass in the middle of the fucking pit. Have alligator wrestling. I'm pretty sure they're going to have alligator wrestling, but it's like the safest event that's ever been taken place in Florida. I'm proud of you guys. Good for know you're keeping it safe now, but quit being pussies. Okay, but there is a website for the Florida man games so you can go in and start a team registration. [00:47:34] Speaker B: Why is that? The broncos colors. [00:47:37] Speaker A: It's Pepsi colors. [00:47:39] Speaker C: Oh. [00:47:39] Speaker B: What's the difference? [00:47:41] Speaker A: Broncos is orange. There's not even a that's orange. That's red. That's red, blue and white. Red, white and blue. It's America colors, but Pepsi colors. Team registration. You must be 18 to compete. [00:48:02] Speaker B: That's good. [00:48:05] Speaker A: What are your team strengths and how will they help you win the Florida man game? I kind of want to fucking sign up. I kind of want to fucking get in this bitch. Okay. So they have a weaponized pool. Noodle, mud duel. So they're going to be like, I guess in mud. Evading arrest, obstacle course, jump over fences through backyards and get away from actual police officers to earn your freedom. A category five cash grab. So I guess it's going to be in a wind tunnel. And there's going to be money floating around. Lame. A catalytic converter, two bikes and a handful of copper pipes. Race against time. So I guess you have to fucking have a bike and take a bunch of metal, steal a bunch of but beer belly Florida sumo. It's like, okay dorks. Yeah. And that's it. They're not even gonna have fucking gator wrestling. [00:49:23] Speaker C: Well, of course they're not. [00:49:26] Speaker A: They're going to have a mechanical gator. Oh, cool. That's not going to roll over a mullet contest. [00:49:40] Speaker C: Oh my god. [00:49:41] Speaker B: Who doesn't love a good mullet? [00:49:42] Speaker A: Florida man pin up. Jesus. Chicken coop. Bingo. 911 fight night. How much are the tickets? I have to see how much these tickets are because forty five dollars to one hundred and forty five dollars. Hell yeah. And it's going to be Saturday, February 24, 2024 at 10:00 A.m.. I could go. [00:50:14] Speaker B: People get up that early in Florida. [00:50:17] Speaker A: They haven't been to bed yet. [00:50:18] Speaker B: Oh, fair enough. [00:50:23] Speaker A: So. Yeah. You want to go to Florida? Man games. [00:50:26] Speaker B: Yes. [00:50:26] Speaker A: We're not going to Florida, man. [00:50:28] Speaker B: Games. [00:50:30] Speaker A: It's too fucking hot over there. It's winter 45. Let me see. [00:50:39] Speaker C: $45. [00:50:40] Speaker A: Yes, you can get a field ticket for $45 or VIP for $145. It's eleven point 57 cent fee for VIP and $4.87 for a field ticket. VIP includes drinks, climate controlled VIP area VIP, air conditioned restrooms, celebrity meet and grit, and a reserve bleacher seating during the Florida Man games, their seat air conditioning. You can get a selfie and an autograph from Nitro. And I don't even know who the fuck that is. Yeah, for $50 you can get a selfie and an autograph from these two dorks. Nah, you're fucked up FAM. So if you all want to go to the floor man games and you want to invite me, I'll fucking be down. I'll fucking drink. I'll go wild. I'll do some Florida man. I'll get arrested in Florida for the fucking story. You just have to pay for everything. So now, onto am I, the asshole by Caesar the Clown. Am I the asshole for causing a scene after I 23? Male lose a contest, costume contest against a dog three. I'm genuinely losing my mind here. I love Halloween. I love making contests. I put a lot of effort into it. My friend hosted a big Halloween party at our place and said there'd be a costume contest for the best Halloween costume under $50. Third and second place would win $25 and first place would win $50. So not a huge money prize, but enough to offset the cost of the costume. And to me it was more about the fun of the game I wanted to win. So I pulled out all the stops and went as Zoro from one piece and only had to buy $40 worth of material. Neat. When I got to the party, I saw other costumes and there's some fierce competitors. But honestly, I think I had the best costume biased. I thought maybe I was too obscure for people who didn't know anything about the anime and it might not go too well, but it was a good costume. While the winners were announced, I got second. This bummed me out kinda, but hey, I still did well. And again, if I'd went with something more ambiguous in the first place, I would have gotten it. However, the issue arose when they announced first place. First place was a dog dressed like a pirate in one of those shitty city pirate commercials. [00:53:36] Speaker B: Costumes. [00:53:37] Speaker A: Costumes. That's hilarious. So if I had lost to another person, I wouldn't have cared. But I had a few drinks and me and my inhibitions were lowered and it was a fucking dog. So out loud, I asked the host, really? The dog one? You spelled one wrong there, but okay. And she said yes and was gushing about how cute he looked. Yeah, dogs are cute. And I said it didn't seem like a dog even had a say on what it was going to be. As I told her this didn't really seem exactly fair. She told me to lighten up and it was supposed to be fun. I told her it's ridiculous. She's about to give a $50 prize to the owner for spending $20 on a cheap Walmart dog costume. When me and whoever was in third place actually made our costumes, she got mad and that I called her ridiculous. And things kind of escalated into a full blown argument that required my friend breaking us up. So then I was kicked out of the party for embarrassing the host like that. I don't think I'm the asshole. Like, obviously that's not fair if it was a dog costume contest, but having a bunch of people compete and lose to someone's infrared bulldog was just fucking unfair. I think I was justified in saying what I said. People there would have just lost and taken the 25. People there said I should have just lost and taken the $25 and called it a day. Yes, you're the asshole. [00:55:16] Speaker B: Oh my God, this is so petty. And also, if you're that kind of drunk, you shouldn't be getting that drunk in public. But seriously, someone's ego got a little too hurt here, and now they're just fucking butthurt. [00:55:33] Speaker A: I'm sure that dog would like if he would have taken a picture of the dog and a picture of him and posted it with this and be like, here's a dog and here's me and here's third place. Who do you think would have won? It's? Like, you wouldn't even fucking placed that dude in the background of the dog photo. Fucking got ahead of you. So yeah, you're fucking letting your ego get all fucking butthurt about it. Dude, I get it. You're fucking sad that you didn't win an extra 25 fucking dollars. [00:56:09] Speaker B: Oh my God. I thought it was more about the fun of the game. [00:56:12] Speaker A: So yeah, just dress up as zoro. Don't get too fucked up and yeah, I get it. Oh, no, the dog won. Guess what? Dogs are cute. [00:56:23] Speaker B: Yes. [00:56:24] Speaker A: If someone brought their cat and their cat was dressed up, I'm sure you'd have gotten third place. [00:56:30] Speaker B: Yes. [00:56:34] Speaker A: I'm like, oh, fucking yeah. Any costume contest whatsoever, for sure. But yeah, you're the asshole. Let's see what the comments say. They're about to roast him alive. Jesus. You're the asshole. I respect the work you put in your costume for the money you saved in doing so. I also understand that you're frustrated about the whole situation and the alcohol didn't help a thing. But here's the thing. You lost to a dog. Get over it. Your friend clearly likes dogs over people, and regardless of what the dog was dressed as, it would have probably won anyway. You recoup some of the money you spent, apologize to your friend, the dog's owner, and anyone else you got into an argument with. There'll be other Halloween parties in the future and maybe just accept the ones that have no pets allowed. I think Op is actually a cat. You're the asshole. How old are you? This thing pissed me off. How old are you to be this pissed off? Coming at second place at a Halloween costume contest? You can't be 23. Seriously? [00:57:56] Speaker B: Yeah. This is like preteen shit right here. [00:57:59] Speaker A: People lose to toddlers, dogs, cats, and even a planter, too. [00:58:08] Speaker B: Although who doesn't like googly OWS in a cactus? [00:58:11] Speaker A: Everyone does. So yeah, you fucking lost. Suck it up. Oh, well, that's pretty much what everyone what did you think a dog wouldn't win? A dog dressed like a pirate? And you're a dude dressed up like a dude? Of course the dog was going to win. If you had a dog dressed like a dog, you're the asshole. Yeah, hilarious. This guy's getting roasted. All right, relationship advice. Last bit by Peachy. Cat jess. I, 26, female, traveled to Japan with my boyfriend, 28, male, and his mom, 58, female, and it became a nightmare. Should I break up with him? Let's see. I, 26, went on a twelve day Japan trip with my boyfriend, 28, and his mom, 58. We've been together for less than two years. Jesus. I told my boyfriend from the beginning that I wasn't comfortable traveling with his mom as she had a strong attitude and I knew we would clash. He bought my tickets anyway and told me he wanted me to experience Japan as well and that his mom would most likely do her own thing. This was my first time out of the country trip and it was also going to be my birthday. When we got onto our bus to our hotel, it's common manners to be quiet and no one was talking. When we asked her politely to lower her voice, she's like, Why do I have to follow the rules? So what? This irritated me as this isn't our country and we should be respectful. We go to a fancy mall where my boyfriend and I have no interest in anything since we couldn't afford it. Yeah, maybe don't go to Japan then. So I tell her to take her time looking around at Chuffs and do whatever she wants. So we leave. We're in the same vicinity and my back is killing me due to all the standing. Probably a big tits and walking. We've done. So we go to a cafe and buy a small peach juice. I need to buy food to sit down. She sees we're at a cafe and gets mad if we didn't ask her if she wanted anything when we were only there to sit down. She storms off and goes back to the hotel on her own. At this point, I don't talk to her anymore unless she talks to me. I leave her alone and even let her talk to her son in peace and give her the space whenever I can. Jesus Christ, I hate fucking I finished cleaning my laundry in the bathroom and lay down on the bed. Out of nowhere, she starts screaming and tag along. Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay. Turns out my boyfriend let her know that his luggage space won't be able to fit all her stuff and that she needs to be careful about how much stuff she buys so it'll all fit. Mind you, that we have to carry our own bags and large check in bags. Mind you, that we all have our own carry on and large check in bags, and we all wanted to buy stuff in Japan. She goes off on him and tells him that we're gonna leave, that he's gonna have bad karma, but it's literally his own luggage and she could buy more luggage and ship it off if she needs to. I felt bad because my boyfriend started buying less and I offered to put his stuff in mine as well. She also said that we've been selfish for not going where she wants to go, except we've been going to all the secondhand stores that she wants. I ask my boyfriend if they want to leave me while I go shopping so they can have their own time together to do whatever they want. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Also the fact that we didn't go to Universal, but we planned the trip three months in advance. Only three months? Fuck, dude. [01:02:56] Speaker B: Jesus Christ. [01:02:57] Speaker A: You can't do that with a whole itinerary. And didn't let her know that we were doing Disney Sea over Universal. The screaming was soap, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So it just seems like the mother is just a fucking insane bitch. And I found out that this is. [01:03:20] Speaker B: Just a fucking boy mom. [01:03:25] Speaker A: As people are getting seated in the airplane. It's fucking long as people are getting seated in the airplane. She gets in my face in front of everybody, angrily points at me and says, that if I want my boyfriend, I can have him. That if it's a competition between me and her for her son that I've been hogging him the whole trip, I don't say anything back because I'm literally in shock and I don't want to rile up more. I broke down crying the whole 5 hours. Wait. Back to Lax. My boyfriend didn't defend me, didn't comfort me. I was supposed to go back with them, but I'm so thankful that my friend was able to come pick me up instead because she was still mad at me after the plane ride. I wasn't able to fully enjoy my Japan trip as I was walking on eggshells and didn't get to celebrate my birthday. Should I break up with my boyfriend because of his mom? [01:04:20] Speaker B: Absolutely. [01:04:21] Speaker A: Yeah. Leave him. [01:04:22] Speaker B: So many red flags. [01:04:26] Speaker A: Honestly, that was just like a fucking wall of text about you complaining about your boyfriend's mom. Fucking leave him. If he's going to be a mama's boy, let him fucking be a mama's boy. Let him fucking suck on his mom's tit until it's all fucking dry. [01:04:41] Speaker B: Yeah, it's not worth your effort. [01:04:44] Speaker A: Fucking sit him down and beg. Hey, it's either me or her. [01:04:49] Speaker B: Don't even do that. Just walk away from this relationship. [01:04:53] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, honestly, do that. Let's see what the comments say. The trip was incredibly eye opening for me after significant amount of consideration. I just don't see how this relationship can continue to develop in a healthy way. I have a few items of yours at my place. Just let me know if you like me to collect them or have me arrange delivery to you. He bought you tickets when you said you didn't want to go, repeatedly picks his mom over you, and you really don't want the future that's unfolding before you. Yep, that's pretty much it. Leave them. Yes, you should break up with them because it's completely unacceptable behavior. Yeah. Don't go on a fucking trip with your boyfriend and his mother. [01:05:49] Speaker B: Yes. [01:05:50] Speaker A: Unless she's paying for the entire fucking trip. Those Filipino moms are insane. Let's tag along. Filipino? [01:06:03] Speaker B: Oh. [01:06:08] Speaker A: I mean, like, honestly, I've gotten screamed at by a Filipino mother, so it's not a fun thing, but, yeah, they're kind of fucking possessive over their boys. I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's a culture thing. I don't know what it's fucking weird. Leave it alone. If that's not what you want, get a fuck out of there. But with that, we go ahead and end this episode. You can follow me, Instagram, Twitter, all that stuff. Alexatruck. And yeah, fucking if you want to see me live, if you want to see me do comedy every Friday, except this last one, salad or Bust. Downtown in Colorado Springs. Eight East Bijou Street. It's a little place on the end of the street there called Salad or Bust. Great salads. They serve alcohol. Come on down, enjoy some comedy, enjoy a salad, get healthy. It's fucking great time. Every Friday. Every Monday in Durango, Colorado, down at Starlight Lounge. 08:00 07:00 for the Friday show, 08:00 for the Monday show. And I won't be there this upcoming Friday either, because I have work obligations. But that's it for this episode. And we'll see you all next. Big peace. Bye.