Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: All right, everybody, welcome back to the Human podcast. We are back home now. Holy shit. Vacation's done.
We have driven across the country. My wife has fucking put in a trucker's hard day work.
Yep.
[00:00:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:00:19] Speaker A: How do you feel about fucking driving 11 hours?
[00:00:22] Speaker B: So it was fun to go as fast as I wanted, whenever I wanted, but the altitude sucked, and the texture of the pants I wore was not good for my skin.
[00:00:32] Speaker C: I'm surprised when you wear something and it, like, sticks to your skin and you're like, oh, shit, I made them. I thought this was gonna be comfortable, and then it's not.
[00:00:41] Speaker B: Yes. Yes.
[00:00:45] Speaker C: Alex, what were you gonna say?
[00:00:49] Speaker A: So, like, my wife was driving fast as shit.
The, like, 90. 90 miles an hour.
[00:00:57] Speaker B: Okay. I went a lot faster than 90, especially when you were sleeping.
[00:01:01] Speaker A: And, like, I am surprised she did not get a ticket. She should. She should get, like. Actually, no, we did get home and she already had a ticket in the mail.
[00:01:13] Speaker B: I did have a red light camera ticket.
[00:01:15] Speaker A: Yeah. Cause she ran a fucking red light.
[00:01:17] Speaker B: The dude behind me honked, and I panicked, and I knew I was going to hit the camera, and I still didn't know what else to do, so I went for it.
[00:01:24] Speaker A: I don't know why you panic.
[00:01:26] Speaker B: Cause the dude honked behind me and.
[00:01:27] Speaker A: I felt like fucking let him honk.
[00:01:29] Speaker B: No, I've been looking at my phone, and now it was the reason why both of us were going to miss the light.
[00:01:34] Speaker A: Tough shit. He can miss the light. If you are running late, leave earlier. Simple. Or just be a late guy. It's fine.
[00:01:44] Speaker B: It was on the way home. Everyone was in the commuting home traffic.
[00:01:48] Speaker A: Shit.
[00:01:48] Speaker B: No one has patience when it's off the clock and they're going home.
[00:01:51] Speaker A: Oh, no. Like, if someone. If I'm at a red light and someone honks, I'm getting out of my car.
[00:01:55] Speaker B: I wasn't out of red light. I was running a yellow and I ran it too late.
[00:01:59] Speaker A: Yeah, no, if I'm at it, you know, like, I don't get. I don't get. I'll get out of my fucking car and be like, yo, what? What the fuck is the pro. I'll go up to their goddamn window and act a fucking different level crazy.
[00:02:09] Speaker B: Like, if it had been red, obviously I wouldn't have gone, but it was still yellow, so I panicked.
[00:02:15] Speaker A: No, it was obviously red. Cause you get a two second grace period, you know, at red, so it's like, boom, it's red. You get 2 seconds to fucking go past that.
[00:02:24] Speaker B: I knew I fucked up the second I hit the gas pedal. But I already hit the gas pedal, and I was going, nope.
[00:02:29] Speaker A: Tough.
[00:02:30] Speaker B: I live with my mistakes.
[00:02:31] Speaker A: You do? And that cost you $75.
[00:02:33] Speaker B: I gotta call them.
[00:02:35] Speaker A: Yeah, you can call and say you're poor.
[00:02:37] Speaker B: That's what I'm gonna do.
[00:02:39] Speaker A: And then they're gonna be like, tough shit. You shouldn't ran the red light.
[00:02:42] Speaker B: They are gonna be like that. So I'll make it work.
[00:02:46] Speaker C: And you need to do traffic soul so it goes off your record.
[00:02:49] Speaker A: No, it is a red light camera. It is not a police action. Yeah, it is ran by a private company. Yes.
[00:02:58] Speaker B: And I've already done traffic school twice. I don't think they'll let me take it a third time.
[00:03:02] Speaker A: No, no. It doesn't go on your record.
[00:03:03] Speaker B: Oh.
[00:03:05] Speaker A: It's ran by a private company. It's not ran by the government.
[00:03:09] Speaker B: Oh, so I don't show up to the courthouse to pay it?
[00:03:11] Speaker A: No.
[00:03:12] Speaker B: Where do I go?
[00:03:13] Speaker A: Pay it online.
[00:03:14] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, I. Oh, okay.
But you have to pay more money to pay it online.
[00:03:22] Speaker A: Where does it say that?
[00:03:23] Speaker B: So when I went to pay my parking fine, they charged. It was like, either I went and paid in person or I had to pay an extra $5 to pay online.
[00:03:31] Speaker A: That's government.
[00:03:32] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:03:33] Speaker A: This is not government. This is a private company.
[00:03:37] Speaker B: So what happens if I don't pay them? Do I lose my license?
[00:03:41] Speaker A: Well, there's a couple things that can happen. I'm not a lawyer. I'm not your lawyer.
Number one is nothing can happen that there's a good chance. Well, there's a small chance that just, you know, fuck all could happen.
And. Or they can, you know, put it on your credit report.
Or they can be like, hey, you need to fucking pay this before you, you know, renew your registration or get a new license.
[00:04:06] Speaker B: Oh, shit. When is registration due?
[00:04:08] Speaker A: Now.
[00:04:08] Speaker B: Oh, okay.
[00:04:14] Speaker A: Yeah, your registration expires at, like, the end of this month.
[00:04:17] Speaker B: Okay. Oh, I have one more paycheck till the end of the month, so that's fine.
[00:04:22] Speaker C: What?
[00:04:22] Speaker A: Yeah, no, like, this is, you know, the person I'm married to.
[00:04:27] Speaker B: There is a reason why our finances are kept separate, and it is me.
I know I'm bad with money. I don't need to be told so by other people I already know.
[00:04:41] Speaker A: But, yeah, my wife is a fucking klutz.
[00:04:47] Speaker B: You just now realize. Okay. No, you. You've. Okay, my husband.
[00:04:51] Speaker A: I should have fucking known from the jump that you are a goddamn klutz.
Okay, so let's start off with a few stories from vacation.
Yeah. So after we left you.
[00:05:07] Speaker B: Courtney, this is not going to paint me in a good light.
[00:05:09] Speaker A: It is not.
It rarely ever does. After we left you, we went up to Santa Cruz. You know this, right?
[00:05:16] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:05:17] Speaker A: And so one day, like, we were there for two days. One day we went down to the beach and we were just kind of hanging out. My brother was there and we were playing football.
[00:05:30] Speaker B: No, not this one first.
[00:05:32] Speaker A: And my wife brought her kite. She has like, this sports kite.
[00:05:36] Speaker B: I have a cool sports kite. Double handed.
[00:05:38] Speaker A: Yeah, she has this double handed sports kite. And I'm cool. Yeah, I guess. And the beach was crowded, as you can imagine. The 4 July, you know, this is the day. It was. It was the 4 July on a Santa Cruz beach, and my wife was using a kite.
And so me and my brother, you know, throwing a fucking football back and forth in the water, you know, having a good fucking time. And we both see my wife with this kite.
[00:06:07] Speaker B: This is only the third time I've ever flown it. Okay.
[00:06:09] Speaker A: And so me and my brother are eyeballing each other, just, you know, knowing what's about to happen.
You know, we are just, like, wondering when disaster is gonna strike. So we're eyeballing the kite, we're eyeballing each other, we're throwing it back and forth, and we're just like, watching, you know, a slow motion disaster happen.
And eventually it does. There's a woman lounging on the beach, having a great time, getting a suntan.
[00:06:39] Speaker B: Having such a good time, just, you.
[00:06:41] Speaker A: Know, on a fucking, you know, towel.
[00:06:43] Speaker B: Just, ah, she was looking at her phone, though.
[00:06:46] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, whatever you're allowed to, you know, she's not driving, you know, nothing against that. And so she's just relaxing on the beach. And then my wife's kite comes and interrupts all of that slamming down into her fucking neck.
Just boom, at a hundred, at like mach seven, right into her neck. And my wife's like, I'm sorry I felt so bad.
[00:07:12] Speaker B: And then the end, the chick was like, no, no, no, it's okay, it's okay. And then they packed up and left.
[00:07:17] Speaker A: Like, immediately, because, like, they didn't immediately leave. My wife did not put the kite away. No, she did not take that as a notice. Maybe I am done.
She. I was determined, kept flying that shit.
[00:07:35] Speaker B: I did. So I'm proud of myself.
[00:07:38] Speaker A: I mean, it doesn't fucking matter all that much, but yeah, my wife kept fucking flying her goddamn kite.
[00:07:47] Speaker B: I felt ashamed and was kind of like doing the walk of shame. And I'm like, I'm not gonna give up.
[00:07:52] Speaker A: So.
[00:07:53] Speaker B: Yeah, it was. Yeah, I should have stopped flying.
[00:07:56] Speaker A: Yeah, like, the second you hit the woman, you should be like, I am sorry. And like, immediately, like, snapped in half.
But, you know, she like, saw my wife continuously flying this fucking, you know, death missile from I'm not a quitter on the beach. And she's like, yeah, no, I'll leave.
[00:08:16] Speaker B: And her friend.
[00:08:17] Speaker A: Yeah, her and her friend fucking both packed up and left.
[00:08:20] Speaker B: I ruined their holiday.
[00:08:23] Speaker C: Yeah, Alex.
[00:08:24] Speaker A: And then the next morning, you know, to add disaster on top of disaster, you know, we go to sleep that night, you know, we don't see any fireworks. Cause it's cloudy as fuck. We watched a person od on the beach.
[00:08:41] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, that was. Yeah, you know, that was the highlight of our 4 July, was watching the cops surround someone who odd. And the fire truck came out and there was a stretcher. All the cops were wearing gloves. Like, it was legit.
[00:08:55] Speaker A: Yeah, it was crazy.
So it was foggy. You know, there's like, no real fireworks. It's a $1000 fine to shoot off fireworks. So people were not really doing it all that much.
And so we, like, go to bed. You know, I'm sufficiently drunk at this point. Go to bed. We wake up, we pack up the car to fucking, you know, continue heading north and, you know, go visit, you know, my mama, my mom and all that.
And as we're backing out, my wife crashes the car into someone's house.
She immediately, boom, like, doesn't back out slow. Backs out fast as fuck.
[00:09:37] Speaker B: I was very confident on where my car was.
[00:09:40] Speaker A: Destroys the back of her fucking car.
[00:09:42] Speaker B: There is a dent in my bumper and it looks kind of cool.
[00:09:45] Speaker A: There's not a dent. Your bumper is destroyed. Your fucking taillight is destroyed. Half your taillight is underneath your driver's seat.
The red part? Yeah.
[00:09:57] Speaker C: Seriously?
[00:09:58] Speaker A: Seriously? Yes. Like, I fucking looked it up and it's a few thousand dollars of damage just to her car.
[00:10:06] Speaker B: I can't just like, replace the covering?
[00:10:09] Speaker A: No, go ahead and go. Go look up how much, you know, just those pieces caused.
[00:10:14] Speaker B: Can I just tape on it like.
[00:10:16] Speaker A: Other pics do, like other trash people do?
[00:10:19] Speaker B: Yeah, no.
Are you gonna stop me?
You have red tape, though. You have red duct tape in this.
[00:10:27] Speaker A: House that will get you a fucking ticket quick as shit.
[00:10:31] Speaker B: I see people with duct tape on their lights all the time.
[00:10:33] Speaker A: No, they have clear tape.
[00:10:35] Speaker B: Oh, I need clear tape.
[00:10:36] Speaker A: Yeah, they sell it at Walmart.
[00:10:37] Speaker B: Wait, wait, wait, wait. So the bulb itself is red? I thought it was just the no.
[00:10:42] Speaker A: None of the bulbs are all the same color.
[00:10:44] Speaker B: Right?
[00:10:45] Speaker A: So you put, you know, colored tape.
[00:10:48] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:10:49] Speaker A: It's like clear tape. It's like fucking packing tape, but it's colored.
[00:10:52] Speaker B: Oh, so red clear tape is what I need to get.
[00:10:55] Speaker A: Oh, translucent tape. They sell it at Walmart because that's where the fucking trash people go to shop.
[00:11:02] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:11:03] Speaker B: Okay, cool. So then I'll just do that.
[00:11:06] Speaker A: So. But, like, the house that she crashed into, someone was, like, renting it, and so, like, the fucking tenants come out, and then I, like, send my dad all my insurance information because I have fucking insurance to, you know, cover her fuck ups. I'm just like, hey, here's the fucking insurance information for the car.
Give it to the fucking owners of the house.
You know, we'll find out what they wanted to do. If they want to, you know, do it quietly, then we can do it quietly.
And if they just, like, want, like, $300 or whatever to, you know, fix it, we can do that.
[00:11:40] Speaker B: So that house has a board to protect it because I am not the first car that has backed into it. That has happened before. So there is a board. So damage is a lot less. So this owner.
[00:11:50] Speaker A: You are the first fucking person.
[00:11:52] Speaker B: Then why is there a board there?
[00:11:54] Speaker A: Randomly, just in case someone would accidentally get too close to it, so. Cause, like, the garbage.
[00:12:00] Speaker B: There had to have been someone before.
[00:12:01] Speaker A: No, there never was. You're the first one.
[00:12:04] Speaker B: Would you put a board there?
[00:12:06] Speaker A: Yeah. Cause it's a fucking narrow thing. Do you see how fucking close the garbage truck was?
[00:12:10] Speaker B: Do you see how none of the other houses have boards?
[00:12:14] Speaker A: We have a board. The yellow house has a board.
[00:12:17] Speaker B: It does?
[00:12:17] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:12:18] Speaker B: Oh, I guess I never paid attention to the other.
[00:12:20] Speaker A: You didn't pay attention to anything, especially the house you hit.
[00:12:24] Speaker B: I know, I just. Yeah. It was first thing in the morning, and the garbage truck was there.
[00:12:29] Speaker A: It was like, 10:00 in the morning.
[00:12:31] Speaker B: There was a lot of beeping noises.
[00:12:33] Speaker A: There was no beeping noises. The garbage truck was going forward.
[00:12:37] Speaker B: The garbage truck was behind us. Meaning I need to get out of his way for him to continue doing his job.
[00:12:41] Speaker A: No, he wasn't.
[00:12:42] Speaker B: He was.
[00:12:42] Speaker A: You could have, like, you know, waited, but you.
[00:12:45] Speaker B: We're rushing me, and there's a lot of beeping noises, and I feel really bad that I hit another person's house, but if I. But. Okay, the long story short, I don't want to replace the bumper. I think the dent looks cool.
I don't want to replace the bumper.
[00:12:59] Speaker A: Yeah. You have a piece of Santa Cruz on your fucking car.
[00:13:01] Speaker B: Exactly. It's beach and it's a scar. And scars are fucking cool.
I'm replacing the bumper.
[00:13:08] Speaker A: If you want a shitty, ratty car, you can go buy a shitty ready car. Break a $1,000. But you just fuck. Like, if you ever want to sell that car and get a new one.
[00:13:15] Speaker B: Why would I sell Sheila? I'm running her into the ground or I crash her.
[00:13:19] Speaker A: You're gonna crash her?
[00:13:20] Speaker B: Exactly. So I don't have to worry about having to sell.
[00:13:23] Speaker A: I'm not buying you another car. I bought you that car.
You better start saving money to buy another car.
[00:13:31] Speaker B: I'll deal with that when I crash Sheila. Until then, that's future me's problem.
[00:13:35] Speaker A: You don't have credit.
[00:13:36] Speaker C: I know you don't have credit.
[00:13:39] Speaker B: I will. I will cross that bridge when I get to it. I don't know why y'all are bothering about me about it now.
[00:13:45] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:13:48] Speaker A: Because the crash could happen any day.
[00:13:52] Speaker B: Has it happened yet?
[00:13:54] Speaker A: Yeah, it just happened on the fourth or the 5 July.
[00:13:57] Speaker B: But I didn't, like, crash her to the point where I need to buy a new car. She's just got a super cool dettner bumper and need to get to the light.
[00:14:04] Speaker A: Just for everyone's information, it is not a super cool fucking dent.
[00:14:08] Speaker B: All dents are cool.
[00:14:10] Speaker C: Oh, my God. Can you send me a picture? I want a picture of this.
[00:14:13] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah, I'll fucking, you know, go out and send you a picture.
[00:14:15] Speaker B: Okay. No, I saw this dude. He had, like a big ass dent in his car. And he had the.
He had the Dragon Ball Z dude. And he was like, doing the pose, making it look like an explosion. And I thought was that was the coolest shit ever.
[00:14:29] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, he has a lifetime of virginity to fucking, you know, feel cool about his sticker. That's awesome.
[00:14:34] Speaker B: So my dent is cool.
[00:14:36] Speaker A: Okay. I'm just, you know. You're gonna have a lifetime of virginity now.
I'll just get you a Band aid. We'll put a band aid on it.
[00:14:44] Speaker B: I'm gonna get the tape.
[00:14:45] Speaker A: Just go get a fucking band aid from the fucking closet and just put a band aid on the fucking thing back there. It's all good now.
[00:14:51] Speaker B: The light won't shine through the Band aid.
[00:14:53] Speaker A: I'm talking about your bumper.
[00:14:55] Speaker B: Oh, no, my bumper looks cool. Now.
[00:14:58] Speaker A: See, this is what I have to deal with. The men do not get married. This is like the woman that you will get married to. Someone that will crash your car.
[00:15:10] Speaker B: My car? Cars in my name.
[00:15:11] Speaker A: It is in your name.
[00:15:12] Speaker B: Ta da.
[00:15:16] Speaker A: I mean, you fucking. You know that the reason why I put it in your name is because the last time I had you drive a car in my name, you fucking wrecked it in total.
[00:15:23] Speaker B: Yeah. I have wrecked all of my cars.
[00:15:27] Speaker A: The IQ is my car.
[00:15:28] Speaker B: I know, I. Okay, I have wrecked all cars. I drove. Did I wreck the passage?
[00:15:32] Speaker A: No.
[00:15:33] Speaker B: How did I not wreck the passage? Fuck you.
[00:15:35] Speaker A: Because it didn't fucking drive.
[00:15:37] Speaker B: Oh, true.
God, I hated that car.
[00:15:42] Speaker C: What? That car. What happened to it? Didn't you sell it or something?
[00:15:46] Speaker A: Yeah, we sold it for, like, $500 or something.
It didn't drive for shit.
[00:15:52] Speaker B: It had really bad gas mileage. And I was driving that up to Castle Rock and back.
[00:15:57] Speaker A: Like, I literally had a fucking Jimmy rig a fucking heater into it. Yeah, because it was.
[00:16:03] Speaker B: That heater was dope, though.
[00:16:05] Speaker A: I still have it.
[00:16:07] Speaker B: Like, after driving to work below zero, wrapped in three blankets and still ice cold after work. The fucking heater you worked up was dope as fuck.
[00:16:17] Speaker A: I put a rat rod heater into her car and just fucking, like, ran it through for a while.
[00:16:22] Speaker B: I had, like, you get. I had, like, a mini, like, hairdryer blower that I plug into, like, through the socket. And I'd use that to defrost the windshield when I was driving home.
[00:16:33] Speaker A: Yep. But it all works now, so.
And then, you know, we got further up north and my, like, I hurt my foot, like, really, really bad in Santa Cruz.
[00:16:52] Speaker B: So bad.
[00:16:53] Speaker A: Like, to the point where I could barely fucking walk. I had a.
[00:16:57] Speaker B: No, he was straight up limping. Like, you can't spell gimp without the imp limping.
[00:17:02] Speaker A: So, like, I. Like, I don't know what the fuck happened. I think, like, I was, like, riding waves and I fucking came down hard.
[00:17:08] Speaker B: On a rock, which you then gave me.
[00:17:11] Speaker A: Well, I just start diving for rocks. I didn't feel it at the time, but, like, I, like, bruised, like, my heel bone.
[00:17:22] Speaker C: The heel hurts really bad.
[00:17:24] Speaker A: Yeah, like, imagine, like, putting, like, jumping and, like, landing entirely all your body weight on, like, your heel.
Yeah. Like, that's what essentially happened. Just, like, onto a rock.
So for, like, the last week of vacation, I was just limping everywhere.
[00:17:44] Speaker B: You were in so much pain. I hated watching it.
[00:17:50] Speaker A: But, like, we got to the fucking campsite and I'm like. I was in so much pain that I'm like, all right, give me some fucking weed or something. Because the alcohol wasn't even touching it. And so my wife had this puddle of fucking edibles.
[00:18:03] Speaker B: Edibles melted into a puddle.
[00:18:07] Speaker A: Like, she like, left in the sun or something.
[00:18:09] Speaker B: No, it was in the fucking packing bag. None of my other medicines melted.
[00:18:13] Speaker A: It doesn't matter. She had, like, edible, like, gummy edibles that fucking melted.
[00:18:17] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:18:17] Speaker A: And she didn't tell me the dosage that was there. And I took, like, 200 milligrams of fucking weed.
And she's like, oh, you. You took a lot.
Jesus.
[00:18:35] Speaker B: You didn't ask me, so I didn't know I was supposed to tell.
[00:18:38] Speaker A: You're supposed to always tell.
[00:18:39] Speaker B: Oh, well, he didn't ask, so I didn't know.
[00:18:42] Speaker A: I assumed. And that's my fault?
[00:18:44] Speaker B: Yes, it is.
[00:18:45] Speaker A: So I'm sitting there fucking vividly hallucinating, you know, on an air mattress that has, like, a tiny fucking pinhole somewhere in it. Like, we'd wake up in the morning and, like, the air mattress would be, like, mostly like, we wouldn't be touching the ground, but we'd be, like, just above it.
[00:19:05] Speaker B: Just above it and, like, squished together in the middle.
[00:19:08] Speaker A: And so, like, I'm, like, just sitting there vividly hallucinating, you know, on weed that I haven't taken in, like, ten fucking years.
I'm like, holy shit. I'm just, like. I'm, like, floating in the fucking tent. I'm. I'm, like, going insane.
It did fucking take care of the pain, though.
[00:19:30] Speaker B: Weeds great for pain. Like, if I don't take weed every night, my hands let me know that I fucked up.
But yeah, I was hiking all that day. I went to two different beaches.
[00:19:44] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, I fucking. Like. It was cold up north.
[00:19:50] Speaker B: It was so quiet.
[00:19:51] Speaker A: It was wonderful. I called.
[00:19:53] Speaker B: Oh, you were happy to.
[00:19:54] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, I love the cold.
[00:19:56] Speaker B: Okay. As long as you were happy.
[00:19:58] Speaker A: Yeah. It's 92 in the house right now.
[00:20:01] Speaker B: So wonderful.
[00:20:02] Speaker A: It's fucking awful.
[00:20:04] Speaker B: I am not cold. I am sweating, sweaty, which means I am the opposite of cold.
I hate being cold.
[00:20:14] Speaker A: Ah, but yes.
And then we. We fucking drove back.
We decided to fucking camp in Utah. Over by the Bonneville Salt Flats.
[00:20:26] Speaker B: Oh, my God. I was convinced we were going to be murdered in our sleep.
[00:20:31] Speaker A: Well, I. That's why I brought with me. So, like, they have BLM land right outside the salt flats.
If you're on I 80, you can.
[00:20:42] Speaker B: You know, we went down this unpaved corrugated road to nowhere in the middle of nothingness.
And it was creepy.
[00:20:53] Speaker A: Yeah, of course it was.
[00:20:54] Speaker B: I was fucking scared shitless.
[00:20:57] Speaker A: So, yeah, we're out there in the middle of fucking nowhere fucking doing all this crazy ass shit. And, yeah, it worked out pretty goddamn.
[00:21:07] Speaker B: Well, it did work out well. I'm not gonna deny that, but I was fucking terrified. I couldn't believe it when I woke up in the morning.
[00:21:15] Speaker A: We got there at midnight and we were, like, setting up the tent and, like, pitch black.
[00:21:21] Speaker B: We've gotten really good at setting up the tent, though.
[00:21:23] Speaker A: Yeah. Cause we fucking, like, went to, like, ten different campsites. It was crazy.
[00:21:26] Speaker B: Yeah. Now we're good at it.
[00:21:29] Speaker A: So we set up the fucking tent, and I was expecting to wake up and just be in someone's front yard.
Like, I shine the light around as much as I could.
I didn't see anyone's house, but I'm like, I guarantee you we're gonna, like, wake up and there's just gonna be, like, someone beg, hello, you're in our front yard.
[00:21:55] Speaker B: So I had a dream that we had woken up and when we walked out, there was, like, a big ass ticket, like, stapled to the side of the tent, like, stating all the laws we've broken by being here. And so the ticket itself was, like a $100. But there were, like, littered, like, beer cans all around that were not ours. But we were also charged for littering on those. So the bill was, like, extranomicus. And it was just like, what the fucking fuck?
[00:22:19] Speaker A: That's crazy.
[00:22:21] Speaker B: And then I woke up and for a second I was like, shit, we have to pay the money. But there was no ticket.
[00:22:27] Speaker A: There was no ticket.
[00:22:28] Speaker B: And there were no beer cans littered around either.
[00:22:30] Speaker A: I mean, we did. We did have a couple beers in the tent.
[00:22:33] Speaker B: Cleaned up our shit.
[00:22:34] Speaker A: Yeah, of course we did.
And, yeah, it was great. Like, nothing bad fucking happened. There's, like, only, like, one other rv that was even out there, but not at, like, our site, not far away.
And, like, I thought about, you know, setting up a fire, but I'm like, that's like a fucking beacon to, like, bring people over here.
[00:22:56] Speaker B: I was not gonna sit. I'm not gonna lie. I was gonna go bed. I was not gonna sit next to a fire to you. I was fucking exhausted.
[00:23:01] Speaker A: No, I was exhausted, too. But that was like. Like, if we got there, like, at the eight, like, if we, like, left, like, on time and we, like, out there at a good time, then, yeah, we could have fucking set up a fire.
[00:23:14] Speaker B: You left. When we left, there was no such thing as on time.
[00:23:18] Speaker A: Oh, and I have to give a big fucking shout out to fair wind over sized camping chairs.
[00:23:25] Speaker B: Oh, yes.
[00:23:26] Speaker A: So, you know, we had this. It was like a camping couch.
[00:23:31] Speaker B: It was like a little love seat. It was dope as fuck. So cozy.
[00:23:35] Speaker A: So. But my wife loves to just jump into chairs and shit.
[00:23:41] Speaker B: And you spent more time in the chair than I ever did. Now continue.
[00:23:45] Speaker A: Well, she, like, jumped into it and broke the seam.
[00:23:52] Speaker B: It came apart.
[00:23:53] Speaker A: You jump. I watched you jump. I don't jump.
[00:23:56] Speaker B: Things just break around me.
[00:23:58] Speaker A: I literally watched you jump.
[00:24:00] Speaker B: I have been so careful to sit into that because I liked it so much. I've been so careful.
[00:24:06] Speaker A: You are off the ground.
[00:24:09] Speaker B: I'm off the ground in everything I sit in.
[00:24:11] Speaker A: No, you. You jumped into the air to land in the fucking cab. I literally watched you. And then I heard it rip. And you're like, oh.
[00:24:21] Speaker B: For a second, I was scared. And I'm like, shit. Fuck. Can I hide it? And I'm like, no, I can't hide it.
[00:24:25] Speaker A: You cannot hide it. If I can't hide it, made it in no way noticeable rip.
And I'm like, oh, shit.
[00:24:32] Speaker B: So continue.
[00:24:34] Speaker A: And so, you know, I go on and, you know, leave a review on Amazon.
[00:24:38] Speaker B: How many stars did you leave?
[00:24:39] Speaker A: I gave him three stars.
[00:24:40] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:24:40] Speaker A: It was still a good. It was a great camping chair.
[00:24:43] Speaker B: It was so cute.
[00:24:44] Speaker A: But, you know, I just, like. I'm like, hey, do not let your big butted wife fucking jump in this camping chair.
[00:24:49] Speaker B: I have a big butt.
[00:24:50] Speaker A: Big butt. Yes.
[00:24:52] Speaker B: Hear that, Courtney? I have a big butt.
[00:24:54] Speaker A: And so I.
So I put up this reveal. I'm like, do not let your big butted wife fucking jump in this camping chair.
And then the company reached out to me, you know, like, we were like, wait. Like, I had it for months.
[00:25:09] Speaker B: Yeah.
And it held up so far.
[00:25:13] Speaker A: Like, we used it in, like, the living room. We use it, like, for the entire trip.
And, like, it was past the point of, like, returns.
[00:25:21] Speaker B: So way past point.
[00:25:24] Speaker A: Um, but, like, I put up this return, and then the company contacted me. They're like, hey, um, you know, we saw your. Your thing. Um, and we took note. We're going to improve the stitching, and we're gonna, you know, do this, that and the other thing. And we're willing to, you know, offer you a full refund if you, you know, change your review.
And I did. I'm like, dude, this. This company is fucking awesome because it's nothing that I can't fix. I'm, you know, gonna go in with some, you know, nylon thread and fix.
[00:25:58] Speaker B: It because you can sew.
[00:26:01] Speaker A: And, like. Like, I contacted them. They gave me the full refund for the chair. I'm gonna buy a second one.
[00:26:08] Speaker B: They gave us a coupon for it.
[00:26:10] Speaker A: Well, then give. Give us a coupon for it.
[00:26:13] Speaker B: Oh, you said they did continue.
[00:26:15] Speaker A: They probably will. They said it'll probably be 20% off on prime day. That's probably what it is. So if. If you're in the market for a chair that you can sit next to someone you enjoy or someone you like, fair wind, oversized camping chairs. They sell them. They're awesome. They're like, $80.
Go out, buy one.
[00:26:41] Speaker B: So I already loved it when you first got it, but I fell in love with it the first day we went camping. Cause we went camping with your friends. Right. And so it's like morning, and we're on the campfire, and so am I allowed to say their names?
[00:26:52] Speaker A: I wouldn't.
[00:26:52] Speaker B: Okay, so missus was in her chair, and mister was in his chair, and they were, like, kind of separated. Sings fire. Whereas you and I were cuddled together on the same chair, and it felt so much more cozy, and it was like, oh, my God, I feel so cute right now. And that's when I 100% fell in love with it, because it was like, it was so much better to sit right next to you as opposed to two separate chairs in the table around the fire. It was cozy.
[00:27:16] Speaker A: I mean, and I have a really.
[00:27:17] Speaker B: Cute picture of it.
[00:27:18] Speaker A: It is, you know, bigger than a normal camping chair, but not that much bigger.
[00:27:23] Speaker B: But it's perfect for two.
[00:27:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:27:25] Speaker B: And we had sex on it.
[00:27:27] Speaker A: Jesus. You didn't have to say that.
[00:27:30] Speaker B: It survived through that.
[00:27:31] Speaker A: It did.
So, yeah, go ahead and, you know, pick yourself up one. This is a glowing endorsement. They are going to improve the stitching on it.
Yeah, I'm gonna have two of these.
[00:27:44] Speaker B: It's so cute.
[00:27:45] Speaker A: So go out, buy one. That. That's what, you know, is paying for this episode of the podcast, essentially.
But, yeah, let's. Did we ever talk about going to, like, you know, camping at Courtney's area?
[00:28:10] Speaker B: No.
[00:28:12] Speaker A: So we went, like, at first, I have to say, fuck Paris, you know, camping area.
[00:28:23] Speaker B: Paris something. Recreation area.
[00:28:25] Speaker A: It's like Lake Paris.
[00:28:26] Speaker B: Paris. There we go.
[00:28:27] Speaker A: Yeah, lake Paris recreation area.
Because they do not allow Ubers to come in. Like, if you want an Uber, you have to, like, pay an extra $10.
I mean, it's the principle of the thing. Like, there. The uber's not coming in to enjoy the lake or, you know, use anything in the lake. I've already paid the money to get in, and.
Yeah, but it's like, you're not gonna allow an uber to come in here just to pick somebody up, you know, go fuck yourself. Every other campsite would, and the campsite was, like, 4 miles away from the main entrance.
[00:29:07] Speaker B: It was dead in the middle between.
[00:29:08] Speaker A: Both entrances, so it's, like, crazy. It's like, you can't walk there.
[00:29:12] Speaker B: It would have been more than a five minute walk in 100 plus degrees heat, which I knew both you and.
[00:29:17] Speaker A: Courtney weren't going to enjoy, so, yeah, fuck that campsite. You know? Also the 3 July dead empty, which should tell you something about the fucking campsite. Like. Like, the campsites were nice. Like, I don't have.
[00:29:35] Speaker B: They were nice.
[00:29:36] Speaker A: They were nice.
[00:29:36] Speaker B: The bathrooms were clean, but no showers.
[00:29:40] Speaker A: There are showers?
[00:29:41] Speaker B: Are there showers?
[00:29:42] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, they're in the bathroom.
[00:29:44] Speaker B: Oh, I showered at Courtney's. Anyway, so it doesn't matter.
[00:29:47] Speaker A: Did you?
[00:29:47] Speaker B: Yeah. I love my hello Kitty towel at Courtney's.
[00:29:52] Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
[00:29:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:29:54] Speaker A: You guys have to get a new one.
[00:29:55] Speaker B: I know.
[00:29:57] Speaker A: I didn't even know you did that. When did you do that?
[00:29:59] Speaker B: The day we left.
The day before.
[00:30:03] Speaker C: Maybe the day before when we went to get a massage.
[00:30:08] Speaker A: Oh, okay. I'm like. I'm like, oh, yeah.
[00:30:10] Speaker B: Cause I got a shower beforehand. Cause I didn't wanna be gross after two days worth of driving.
[00:30:14] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm like, I didn't fuckin ever see you shower there. And every time I was there with you, you didn't shower?
[00:30:19] Speaker B: No, I showered at Courtney's.
[00:30:21] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah, no, like, they. There was one day we got there, and, like, they all went out and got massages. It's Courtney's birthday.
[00:30:31] Speaker B: Oh, my God. That's the first time I ever had a hot rock massage. And, oh, my God, I. It is the best thing ever. If you're going to get a massage, it's worthless without the hot rocks.
Worthless.
[00:30:43] Speaker A: So, yeah, it was Courtney's birthday.
I don't think we ever, you know, mentioned it was her. It was her birthday, and so, yeah, I was just standing, you know, at the campsite. Just sitting, like, laying on the couch. Laying on the fair wind, oversized camping couch.
[00:31:03] Speaker B: It was comfy, so it was very.
[00:31:05] Speaker A: Like, me as a 260 pound man that is, like, five foot ten can comfortably lay down on this couch.
[00:31:13] Speaker B: Five foot eleven.
[00:31:14] Speaker A: Five foot eleven, 260 pounds. I can comfortably lay down on this couch. I was just sitting there drinking beer. I had a little camp shower that I was occasionally, like, just sprinkling myself with water, you know, to stay cool.
It was great.
[00:31:28] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:31:28] Speaker C: How the fuck are you?
I wouldn't have been able. I would have been miserable. I hate the heat.
[00:31:35] Speaker A: Yeah, no, like, we're all in the heat right now. I like, I don't know why Colorado is this fucking hot.
It's goddamn, like I have a fan on me right now and it's just still miserable. It's like just blowing hot air at this point.
[00:31:50] Speaker B: Do you have water inside of it?
[00:31:52] Speaker A: No. No.
[00:31:54] Speaker B: Oh.
[00:31:54] Speaker A: Cuz it like ran out. Like it evaporated.
[00:31:58] Speaker B: Does the water actually make it cooler?
[00:31:59] Speaker A: Yes, it does.
[00:32:00] Speaker B: Why haven't you replaced the water?
[00:32:01] Speaker A: Because I've been busy.
I've been busy, like, coming up with fucking stories to share on the podcast.
I mean, like, I actually did fucking pull up a few fucking stories. It's pretty nice.
But we're still talking about vacation.
Yeah. Like my wife only did, and she did like to give my wife credit, she did eventually learn how to fly her fucking kite.
[00:32:32] Speaker B: I did. I flew.
I flew for more than 1 minute at one point.
[00:32:39] Speaker A: I immediately got the hang of it.
She didn't tell me how to fly the kite at first.
[00:32:45] Speaker B: You took it out of my hands and every time I opened my mouth told me to shush. So I let you fail.
[00:32:52] Speaker A: No, you try to just take it out of my hands.
It's fine.
[00:32:57] Speaker B: Yeah, you eventually got in there.
[00:32:58] Speaker A: Yeah, no, I fucking was doing amazing tricks with it.
I kept it in the air for like ten minutes and I'm like, oh, yeah. She's like, you have to unwind the string all the way and then put it up in the air.
[00:33:11] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:33:11] Speaker A: I'm like, yeah, that's never been any kite, ever.
[00:33:14] Speaker B: Different type of kite.
Different type of kites have different rules. I didn't know that until I started researching it and I was like, oh, shit. Singled kites are because you want to make a statement, sport. Kites are if you want to have fun.
And having fun requires work, like practice.
[00:33:33] Speaker A: Yeah, fucking gave your arms a workout. But yeah, no, like, we did take it to an empty beach.
[00:33:40] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:33:41] Speaker A: And she didn't hit a single person.
[00:33:42] Speaker B: I hit rocks in the ocean.
[00:33:45] Speaker A: It was great. So it was so much fun. I mean, like, every time she did crash it, I had to like, go down and reassemble the kite and then throw back in the air.
[00:33:55] Speaker B: It has break points to protect it in case it does crash.
[00:33:58] Speaker A: I mean, she fucking, like, she would hit it in the ground so goddamn hard it would make a crater.
I'm like, I'm like, looking at this crater and imagining this woman with like a fucking crater in her neck.
And she's probably dead now. She probably died when you hit her with a kite and she just didn't know it.
[00:34:18] Speaker B: She's a big ass bruise that I'm sure her neck and back and shoulder and chest are so painful.
But I got to the point where I could keep it in neutral, and then I could control it to go in one direction and return to neutral, go in the other direction, return to neutral, and I did a loop de loop twice.
[00:34:38] Speaker A: It's pretty cool.
So.
But, yeah, I mean, and then we also saw the grand Canyon, too.
[00:34:48] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:34:49] Speaker B: I was so sick from the altitude sickness. I was scared to approach the edge, but it was so much cooler. It was amazing.
[00:34:57] Speaker A: There are dinosaur bones, and I did mushrooms and, you know, sat in the back of my buddy's truck while he drove around getting lost.
[00:35:06] Speaker B: Oh, my God. I was pissed off as fuck because I first thought we'd be driving, like, a few minutes, and then it's been, like, 20 minutes, and I'm like, oh, my God, is my husband even alive?
[00:35:16] Speaker A: I was having a great time.
[00:35:17] Speaker B: No. Eventually, mister got to the point where he was about to drive out of the park, and I was like, we're at the end of the park. We need to turn around. And I think I was a little forceful, and I kind of scared mister for a while because he got real quiet.
I feel bad.
[00:35:34] Speaker A: I'm sure I'll see him on Monday.
And then, you know, we did drugs, like, another day, and my wife got really sick and threw up at two.
[00:35:45] Speaker B: In the morning in a campsite. I am vomiting and shitting at the same time on all fours near a gutter.
[00:35:54] Speaker A: That's fine.
[00:35:55] Speaker B: That is not who I hope to be at 32.
[00:35:59] Speaker A: It's her first time.
[00:36:01] Speaker B: Yeah, we've ruined my acid trip. I'm still mad.
[00:36:05] Speaker A: Well, we'll get some more acid and try again, so.
[00:36:09] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:36:10] Speaker A: But let's get into some fucking stories. So Courtney apparently has a story that I have not heard about yet.
Let's talk about the good Reverend Donald Trump.
[00:36:23] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh, guys. So, like, my dad is watching the.
Him at his rally, I guess, and Donald Trump got, like, slightly grazed on his ear, on his head, and, like, someone shot. Was firing shots and got shot.
[00:36:45] Speaker B: Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shots.
[00:36:47] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:36:48] Speaker B: Didn't have the decency to die.
[00:36:50] Speaker A: Why would he die?
[00:36:51] Speaker C: No.
[00:36:51] Speaker B: God, why would you?
[00:36:53] Speaker C: I don't want him to die.
[00:36:54] Speaker A: Donald Trump's my guy.
He's who I'm going for.
[00:36:58] Speaker B: And you're more than allowed to vote for whoever you want to?
Nope.
[00:37:06] Speaker A: Well, that's good.
[00:37:07] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:37:08] Speaker C: So, like, I'm one, like, unfortunately, like, one of the people that attended his rally passed away and another person was injured.
[00:37:17] Speaker A: And, like, the person that passed away was from old age.
[00:37:19] Speaker B: Right?
[00:37:21] Speaker C: Like, people saw him die. No, like, people saw the shooter and, like, climbing up there and, like, they, they were trying to report it to the police but didn't do, didn't do it on time, you know? And, like, the, the place where he shot was, like, really close by. Like, it should have been monitored because, I mean, he's got freaking secret service. How shitty can they be?
[00:37:52] Speaker A: They're the government. Government's really shitty. They don't care.
[00:37:55] Speaker B: Like, the government is giving Donald Trump secret Service.
[00:37:58] Speaker A: Yeah, he's the president. Every president has secret service for the rest of their life.
[00:38:02] Speaker B: 0000 yeah.
[00:38:07] Speaker A: So Barack Obama has Secret Service.
[00:38:09] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:38:09] Speaker A: Yeah, I see why George Bush has Secret Service.
[00:38:12] Speaker B: I see why.
[00:38:13] Speaker C: Yeah. I mean, because what if they've, anything they've done while they're later in life?
[00:38:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:38:19] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah.
[00:38:20] Speaker B: It makes sense.
[00:38:21] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:38:22] Speaker B: My tax dollars are paying for that.
[00:38:24] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:38:25] Speaker B: Yep. Okay. It's not like I have a just voice anyway.
[00:38:30] Speaker A: It doesn't matter, you know, but, yeah, I hadn't heard about this at all. I'm like, oh, shit, you know, my good. Donald Trump got fucking shot at. Like, did they, like, get that guy that shot at him?
[00:38:45] Speaker C: They did.
[00:38:46] Speaker A: Okay.
Do they kill him?
[00:38:51] Speaker C: Um, I'm not sure. I think so. But I don't, I don't, uh, I didn't get that information, uh, fully before we, I started talking to you guys because I just was checking on it after it happens. So let's see.
Let's look it up. Oh, my gosh.
Trump shooter.
[00:39:19] Speaker A: Trump shooter dead.
Trump shot and ride here at campaign rally. Shooter dead. Yep.
[00:39:28] Speaker C: Okay. Yeah, I thought so. I just wasn't sure.
[00:39:32] Speaker A: Yeah, of course, you know, you're fucking dealing with republicans, man.
[00:39:39] Speaker C: They got some really good shots of him. Those reporters.
[00:39:48] Speaker A: Fucking people are gonna donate. I guarantee you this is how he's gonna win.
Like, I wonder if, like, you know, this was just like a, like a, like a pr fucking campaign to, like, get sympathy for Trump. You know, it's like someone tried to kill Trump and it's like, if you know you're gonna die and you're like, I want this man dead. I would, you know, make sure you don't miss your fucking shot.
[00:40:16] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:40:19] Speaker A: It'S like when Nixon got shot.
Yeah. They actually shot him, but, you know, he survived the shooting.
Oh, bullets aren't as deadly as most people think. Like, 50 cent got shot, like, a bunch of times.
[00:40:32] Speaker B: Who's 50 cent?
[00:40:33] Speaker A: A rapper.
[00:40:34] Speaker B: Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't mean it like that, but like that.
[00:40:41] Speaker C: Oh, God.
[00:40:42] Speaker A: But speaking about shooters, Alec Baldwin, his case finally got dismissed.
[00:40:48] Speaker B: Oh, snap.
[00:40:49] Speaker A: Oh, so when he fucking.
[00:40:51] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's found not as not guilty. Is that what that means?
[00:40:55] Speaker A: Yeah, well, it's not not guilty. It's just they dismissed the fucking entire case.
[00:41:01] Speaker B: What does that mean?
[00:41:02] Speaker A: He's not guilty? Okay, it's not guilty verdict.
[00:41:05] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:41:05] Speaker A: But without, you know, going any further, they just. They didn't say, you know, you're not guilty, then say you're guilty. They just let it go.
[00:41:14] Speaker C: So he got off on a technicality. But even then, like, I don't think he was at fault. It was just a project accident. And like, he had two to three other people that had contact with the gun.
[00:41:27] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:41:28] Speaker C: Before him that we're supposed to safety check it.
[00:41:30] Speaker A: Yeah, the armorer was supposed to fucking do that.
[00:41:34] Speaker B: So, yeah, safety check it or. No.
[00:41:36] Speaker A: Why? No, after. He's an actor.
[00:41:39] Speaker B: Okay, I agree. But at any point, I think if someone has ever handed a gun, they should always check movies that I know, but still, if I was hand. I don't care what situation is on. If I was handed a gun, I would be like, shit, it's on. If there are there bullets like any.
[00:41:56] Speaker A: Of these guns on the wall, do you know how to safety check them or.
[00:41:58] Speaker C: We trust the professional to. I would watch the professional check it over before I touched it, like, every.
[00:42:07] Speaker A: Single one of these guns.
[00:42:08] Speaker B: So how would I know if it's loaded or not?
[00:42:12] Speaker C: You'd be like, why was it a.
[00:42:15] Speaker B: Real gun and not like a replica? Okay, you know what? Never, never. Never mind.
[00:42:19] Speaker A: Okay, well, the reason it was a real gun is because real guns are actually cheaper than replicas. Because a real gun, you can fucking sell it back for the same price that you bought it for. Sometimes even more.
[00:42:33] Speaker B: Isn't it just a stage prop?
[00:42:36] Speaker A: No, like, you can take a real gun. Like, it's better to use a real gun for the realism.
So, like, you know, you have a real gun, like, that is a real gun.
And, you know, you can, like, put a bunch of blanks in it and, like, you know, lock off the magazine. So, like, nothing fucking loads or just have a bunch of blanks being shot out of it and. But, yeah, I mean, you know, someone died and Alec Baldwin is the one that pulled the trigger. I'm sure he feels guilty.
[00:43:06] Speaker B: Yeah, it's really sucky for everybody in.
[00:43:08] Speaker A: The situation, but, you know, there was someone that. It was their fucking job to make sure that that gun was good.
[00:43:15] Speaker B: Agreed.
[00:43:16] Speaker A: And I pretty sure I remember the story is like they were on lunch and they took that gun and fucking went and shot like cans with it or something.
And like they weren't not supposed to be doing that. So they are breaking rules and in order to cover their ass they're like, oh shit. And then they didn't check it and like, yep, you're good to go. Because it was probably good to go before.
And if they ejected a live round, someone would probably lost their fucking job.
[00:43:46] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:43:47] Speaker A: And said someone lost their fucking life.
[00:43:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:43:50] Speaker A: So you know, Alec Baldwin, I'm glad you got off on a technicality.
[00:43:56] Speaker B: Agreed.
[00:43:58] Speaker A: I'm sorry that you had to deal with all that dumb bullshit.
[00:44:00] Speaker B: Also agree.
[00:44:03] Speaker A: But yeah, let's get into some fucking crazy stories.
So it seems like people are fucking, you know, chopping their fingers off on Tesla cybertrucks.
[00:44:27] Speaker C: Seriously?
[00:44:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:44:29] Speaker C: Like on accident or on purpose?
[00:44:32] Speaker A: On accident.
A cybertruck is now warning others of dangers posed by the sharp edges of the electric pickup store after a family, after a member of his family suffered a very serious laceration by getting a finger caught in the scene between the front and rear doors during a routine family outing.
His father in law was reaching for the cybertruck's pillar mounted door release but mistook its location and put his hand in the wrong place at the wrong time just as the man's son was closing the rear passenger door. Oh yeah, that fucking sucks.
But the forum user shared the warning on Cybertruck's owners club on Monday, beginning the post by saying he's owned his 2024 Tesla Cybertruck since May, logging over 1500 miles since then. The owner says he absolutely loves the truck and he's recently had to explain how the front, how to open the front doors to his father in law, who is a first time rider in the Tesla. He recounts teaching his father in law that opening the front door requires pressing the door release on the truck's b pillar, which has a small white light denoting the location.
The lesson stuck after a few tries and the family went on its merry way.
But when it was time to return to the truck after dinner, disaster struck.
When my father in law reached up to the pillar button to unlock the trunk, my son closed the rear passenger door. Whatever circumstances caused it to happen, confusion, looking in the wrong place, distraction. My father in law's fingers got closed inside the door gap between the front doors.
The owner goes on to emphasize, I'm sharing this because I feel like cybertruck owners should be extra aware with multiple people entering, exiting the vehicle in the same side. It might not be immediately familiar with where the open button is on the pillar.
[00:46:41] Speaker B: Wait, so it doesn't have a handle?
[00:46:43] Speaker A: No, just has buttons.
I mean, like, I honestly don't think I'm ever gonna own a fucking Tesla.
[00:46:53] Speaker B: I want an electric. I would love a self driving car, but I don't know that I want a Tesla either.
[00:47:00] Speaker A: I mean, you know, the new fucking Camrys, like, they. There's like, some college kids that fucking, you know, did, like, full self driving in those, which is pretty fucking cool.
Now, I might be wrong on that, but, you know, I feel like I'm right.
[00:47:24] Speaker B: How did you go from open minded to small minded so quickly?
[00:47:28] Speaker A: Whatever.
[00:47:31] Speaker C: Oh, my.
[00:47:34] Speaker A: But next story, another car story. Ride share robber. Ride share driver robbed by panhandler after giving the man money. So this is why you should never give panhandlers anything. If you see someone having a sign saying God bless, or they come up to your fucking window, roll that shit up. Lock your fucking doors. If someone approaches your car, lock your fucking doors.
Like, I saw a video of, like, some fucking crazy bitch on a fucking bicycle screaming at someone in the car saying, get out of my car. This is my cardinal, and she's on a fucking bicycle the entire goddamn time. And at a Walmart, you know, to fucking boot.
[00:48:20] Speaker B: Okay. Have you ever seen those panhandlers with their dog and they're like, will work for dog food?
[00:48:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:48:26] Speaker B: Okay, so once. Okay, so one time. So at my job, we get, like, vendors come by with free shit all the time. And they gave us a bunch of free dog food. But we're a cat only clinic, and so everyone had divvied them up. I was going to bring home a bag for Marshall, and so I had two bags, right? So the dudes at the stop will work for dog food and like, oh, okay, cool. I offered him one of the bags of dog food and he turned it down.
[00:48:56] Speaker A: Yeah, no, he wants money.
[00:48:57] Speaker B: And I was like, the fuck?
[00:48:58] Speaker A: Where's drugs and alcohol?
[00:48:59] Speaker B: So now I don't give a fuck. Even if there is a dog, I.
[00:49:02] Speaker A: Don'T give a fuck. Anytime I see a panhandler, I pretend like they don't exist.
[00:49:07] Speaker B: Absolutely nothing.
[00:49:08] Speaker A: I'm like, you're a piece of shit. Get a fucking job.
[00:49:12] Speaker C: My grandfather and handler.
[00:49:15] Speaker A: Yeah, no, like, obviously he wasn't like, that great of a dude.
Like, I understand if you're having, like, a tough time and you need gas, but if you just have a gas, can you're sitting on a fucking street corner saying, gas.
Go to a gas station. Yeah, and be like, hey, I need gas. Can you give me a few fucking squirts? I, like, I don't need much. Like, you can just give me a dollar. I just want to get this fucking filled up so I can go back to my car and fill it up and then, yeah, you know, but it's like, if you're fucking too poor to travel, don't travel.
Yeah, you know, like, I've never fucking felt bad for homeless people. Fucking figure it the fuck out. You can go and get food stamps. You can go into the food stamp office, into, like, the Social Security office or whatever the fuck it is. Whatever your office for food stamps is, you can look it up. You can go to the library. You can ask people, and you can go get food stamps. And then you can go get food and you can feed yourself.
[00:50:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:50:24] Speaker A: And they'll constantly fill that bitch up.
[00:50:27] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:50:27] Speaker A: And you can, you know, go and find yourself a job. You can go to a fucking temp agency and, you know, get yourself a fucking job.
Easy.
And then, you know, work harder, work harder, work harder.
But, you know, people don't want to fucking work in this day and age. People want to be fucking lazy. People want to just sit around, drink alcohol, do drugs, and I'm like, no, I'm not gonna, like, you know, fund your fucking lifestyle of doing nothing, you know? Yeah, be a harder goddamn worker. I don't care what the fuck you do, you know, mooch off is someone that loves you too much to fucking, you know, like, not that. That just wants to fucking fund your dumb lifestyle.
[00:51:17] Speaker B: God helps those who help themselves.
[00:51:20] Speaker A: God doesn't help anybody. You help yourself.
[00:51:22] Speaker B: No, it's not in the Bible. I like to say that because a lot of people think it is, and it fucks them up when I say, actually, it's not in the Bible.
[00:51:29] Speaker A: It's not.
[00:51:30] Speaker B: It's not.
[00:51:32] Speaker C: But I mean, he, there's a passage, I think, where it says there's always going to be poor people and that you should still do what you can, but also realize that there's always going to be poor people.
[00:51:43] Speaker A: I can tell you this. My mom had me at 18 years old. She was a poor single mother.
You know, we lived in a one bedroom apartment. She fucking did everything in her power to make it work with a child. She had to support me as well as her.
So I don't give a fuck, a single flying fuck to anyone out there. It's like, I can't do it. I can't make it work. I can't do. It's like, okay, then, like, go jump off a bridge. Like, why are you still alive if you can't fucking make it work? Like, eventually everyone's gonna get to the point where like, we don't give a fuck about your struggle. We're all fucking struggling here. And then people that are like, truly homeless are just gonna have to like, rely on fucking food stamps and make a. I'll sell you some of my food stamps for drugs.
And it's like, yeah, no, go fuck yourself.
You know?
[00:52:42] Speaker B: You can sell food stamps.
[00:52:45] Speaker C: No, you can't. Actually. Illegal.
[00:52:46] Speaker A: It is illegal. Yeah, yeah, it's illegal. But people do it.
[00:52:52] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:52:56] Speaker A: And so, yeah, like, yeah, it was around 02:30 a.m. june 24.
A dude walks up to a white suv, tries to open the back door, finds us locked.
You know, he asked for a riding money. You know, he gave him some money, but he grabbed the, you know, victim's wallet and took all his shit.
So, yeah, I don't roll down my window for fucking nobody.
[00:53:31] Speaker B: I feel like this falls under, dude. Stupid. Do stupid things.
[00:53:35] Speaker A: Get carry a gun in your car. Just carry a gun. Just put it in your fucking glove box.
[00:53:40] Speaker B: Oh, do stupid shit. Win stupid prizes. I feel like this is fuck around.
[00:53:45] Speaker A: You know, carry a gun in your glovebox. Fucking lock that shit, you know, and if someone fucking tries to come up and, you know, act a different kind of crazy. Fucking pull that shit out, Meg. Alright? Bam, bam, bam. End up waste them. What is the world gonna lose by losing this guy? Nothing.
[00:54:02] Speaker B: Hopefully before he's reproduced.
[00:54:04] Speaker A: Ah, so yeah, no, but you know, fucking right. Your dumb shit. You fucking got what you deserved. And this one, this is a fucking story from India that I can relate with.
A teacher sacked after his phone reveals how long he's played candy crush.
The teacher's phone revealed that he played five and a half hours of candy crush during school hours.
[00:54:38] Speaker B: Oh, someone didn't turn off his app tracker.
[00:54:41] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, I mean that you delete.
[00:54:44] Speaker B: That shit routinely, my dude. Do not let that hang around.
[00:54:52] Speaker A: No, thanks.
But yeah. The teacher got suspended for playing candy crush on his phone and talking on his device during duty hours.
But it was, you know, over in India, you know, it's like, yeah.
[00:55:17] Speaker B: I.
[00:55:17] Speaker A: Want to know how he fucking got caught.
Digital world feature on the teacher phone got revealed at five and a half hours.
Oh no. He spent five and a half hours on the phone. He spent nearly 2 hours playing candy crush and talked on the phone for 26 hours and used social media apps for the rest.
[00:55:40] Speaker B: So it was his work phone?
[00:55:42] Speaker A: No, is his personal. I'm pretty sure.
But I'm sure that, like, students were like, hey, you're not fucking doing your job. And, like, they went to, like, the school board, and then the school board, like, stepped in, and they're like, hey, let's take a look at your phone. And they're like, yeah, yeah. You know, you're. You're fired.
[00:56:04] Speaker B: That's how this kind of stuff's supposed to work.
[00:56:09] Speaker A: And then over in Virginia, a dude trying to sell his home pretty much took a father for, like, a tour of the home. The father showed up with his four kids and then refused to leave.
Yeah.
[00:56:28] Speaker B: Oh, squatters.
[00:56:30] Speaker A: Thinking that it would work, you know. Deputies went inside and arrested him, but, yeah, he toured the home during a July 7 open house where he inquired about buying the residence.
Apparently the suspect liked the house because he prematurely moved in.
They later discovered he was out on probation and had warrants for his arrest in nearly two counties.
[00:57:04] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:57:04] Speaker A: Or in two by nearby. Nearly two. In two nearby counties.
He was arrested and charged with entering a property with no intent to damage, identity theft, providing a false identity to law enforcement, destruction of property, and four counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
CPS was called and released into a responsible family member.
That's insane.
Now we got. Am I the assholes?
This is. Am I the asshole? By Lilac Penny. Am I the asshole for telling my dad I won't be funding his retirement?
So my husband and I recently had a baby. We've been together for over ten years. We've had our own apartment. It's a little small, so we do eventually want to upgrade. My dad lives alone in a three bedroom house, which is fully paid off. He's semi retired, retired early and has a really good pension, but still works part time. He's also a narcissistic functioning alcoholic. I've had a long history of issues with them. And if it wasn't for wanting a nicer place for the baby, I won't even be considering this.
He would love nothing more than to spend his days drinking and watching Netflix. But he also has to work a bit because his pension doesn't cover all his bills. Just two months ago, he was in the ICU for alcohol poisoning. Anyway, when my baby is born, he offered to let us move in so we could have more room and be able to have more money for the baby. He said he would take the top floor and we would have the basement with a kitchenette and bathroom. He said that he would. All he would want from us is to pay the utilities. I thought this was his way of reaching out.
This was a way of reaching. Of him reaching out for help. If we leave, if we live there, then he would be able to see us and his grandbaby more often. And maybe he wouldn't be so lonely and drink so much.
Well, fast forward to now. We discussed it more in depth. And he wants to do 30,000 worth in Renos to the basement, renovations to the basement before we move in. Which he wants us to pay for in monthly payments, which once we move in. Okay, fair. Fine. Enough. Then he wants to stop working once we move in for two or three years. And he may decide he wanted do something with his life, like travel and take out 30 to 40,000 against the house to do so.
At which point he would have to start charging us rent, unknown amount, to pay for that loan. Am I nuts or does this sound like he wants to fund. He wants us to fund his retirement and drinking. The whole point of us moving in was so we would save money. Now we're basically going to be back to paying what we are in rent now. Stuck in a house that we have no equity in, which he could literally sell at any point.
I basically told him off because we are nothing. This is not how he first offered it to us. And he got pissed off and started screaming at me like he has since I was a kid. He has offered us this great thing. We just pissed on it. I mean, if I was in his position and my kid was in my position, with rent and house prices the way they were, I wouldn't be charging them rent on top of utilities. The house is paid for. It's not like he would be supporting us whatsoever. We'd be buying our own groceries, driving our own car, working both, working full time, et cetera. So, am I the asshole for refusing this great offer?
[01:00:59] Speaker B: Absolutely not. Do not him allow. You do not allow him around your child.
[01:01:05] Speaker C: Yeah, I think she was kind of deluding herself when he believed. She believed he changed. Yeah, because, I mean, no, I heard that.
[01:01:12] Speaker B: I felt that, like he'd been in.
[01:01:17] Speaker C: The hospital for alcohol poisoning, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, no, she should just cut her losses and move.
[01:01:26] Speaker B: Yes.
[01:01:30] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, no.
[01:01:32] Speaker B: He's trying to bring her back under his control. He'll kick out the husband. He will isolate her and her child.
[01:01:39] Speaker A: Yeah. So. Opie, don't fucking do it. You can move, you know, anywhere else. In the country.
Like. Like, this is, like, you know, something that Americans get trapped in. You know, they'll be in a fucking area where the house prices are insane.
Like, I have friends in New York, and they're like, yeah, I spend $3,000 a month on rent. And, you know, I'm like, I spent $1,800 on a mortgage. And they're like, wait, what? I have a tiny apartment that I spend $3,000 a month on every fucking month.
I have barely any money to survive. I'm like, yeah, you can leave New York. You know, go move to, like, Virginia or something or Kentucky. You know, get yourself a fucking decent job. Get, like, a truck driving job. Get, you know, something that, you know is in need. You know, go out there, move out there, fucking get a job, and boom, you can have, like, a fucking house. You could have an easier fucking life. You don't have to live in, like, a popping area. Like, people that live in San Francisco, people that live in New York, people live in Sacramento. What the fuck are you doing? Like, stay there.
[01:02:51] Speaker B: They like it there. They're used to that. It's their home.
[01:02:53] Speaker A: Exactly. That's the trap that they're stuck in, that. That's. It's our home. It's. It's where we belong.
[01:03:00] Speaker B: It's where all their family is.
[01:03:02] Speaker A: Like, if you're renting, you're allowed to move wherever the fuck you want. You can sell all your shit, sell your tv, sell everything. Put, like, the most important shit in your car. Don't get a u haul. Don't get any of that shit. You can sell a bed. You can sell all that shit. You can go get a fucking air mattress for, like, $20 and fucking just, you know, go move into an apartment. Boom, you know, into some other area. Hell, yeah.
Imagine, like, you know, you fucking sell all your shit, and you fucking have $10,000, and you go find an apartment that's like, $600 a month, and you have 10,000. You can go fucking, you know, pay for that apartment for the full year, you know, $7,200, and boom, you have an extra $3,000, and you have paid for the. An entire year of rent and probably the utilities, too, with all that. So, yeah, go do that. That's awesome.
You know, opie, you know, you don't have to stay where the fuck you are. You. You can, you know, look at your job, see, you know, who the breadwinner is there, and see if you can transfer it to a different area. See if you can transfer to a different location. I'm sure your job has different locations.
My job does too. So do that.
And then this one is relationship advice by throwaway.
I 28 female contracted a possible STD from 30 male boyfriend of four years after he came back from Thailand. What would you do, my boy? What?
[01:04:53] Speaker C: Sorry. Just based off of the freaking title, especially because it's Thailand like most of them.
[01:05:01] Speaker A: Like, yeah, there was one that was like, you know, dead obvious. I'm like, yeah, that's dumb. Like, why would you even host about this? But I love this one.
My boyfriend went to Thailand for three week vacation with his friends. Two weeks after he came back, he and I had unprotected sex.
I started experiencing very uncomfortable symptoms and they've been getting worse for the past four days. Constant itching, burning, rawness and pain downstairs. After sex, he was also experiencing burning and rawness.
And he finally shared with me that when he was in Thailand, he was giving a massage. He was getting a massage and a thai lady started to give him a blowjob.
He said he was soft and it only lasted about 10 seconds until he realized and told her to stop. I am freaking out thinking from that encounter that then give himself selfishly, having unprotected sex with me without telling me until after that. Now I have freaking herpes. I've gone to the doctors and I'm waiting on test results. He is very apologetic and he felt ashamed and scared to tell me. I'm in a lot of pain downstairs and I don't really know how to feel or whether I should be mad at him or not. Really feel sorry for him, but part of me really feels pissed off. What would you do? If it is herpes? I'll be devastated and feel damaged.
So your boyfriend went to fucking Thailand, fucking, you know that story.
[01:06:37] Speaker B: And she bought it?
[01:06:39] Speaker A: No, of course she didn't buy it. That's. That's a fucking dumb story. Ok.
You know, I throw away blue girl. Your boyfriend went out and fucked a lady boy or something. You don't really get STD's from a ten second blowjob unless it's a fucking nasty woman.
Like, like that. That's not a thing. So he fucking made up some bullshit to soften the blow.
He definitely fucked his way through Thailand.
[01:07:13] Speaker B: And he gave her possibly herpes.
[01:07:15] Speaker A: He. Okay, I'm gonna tell you.
[01:07:18] Speaker B: Herpes is like diamonds. It lasts forever.
[01:07:20] Speaker A: I'm gonna tell you what he gave you. He gave you gonorrhea.
[01:07:22] Speaker B: Okay, hopefully it's gonorrhea and not herpesdev.
[01:07:26] Speaker A: It's mostly. It's most likely gonorrhea.
[01:07:29] Speaker B: Doesn't gonorrhea give you the rhea, though?
[01:07:32] Speaker A: What? Diarrhea? No.
[01:07:34] Speaker B: Oh, I thought it did.
[01:07:37] Speaker A: No.
[01:07:39] Speaker B: Wait. Is gonorrhea the clamp, or is that the other one?
[01:07:42] Speaker A: The clamp?
[01:07:43] Speaker B: Yeah. The clap.
[01:07:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:07:46] Speaker B: Okay.
[01:07:48] Speaker A: It's like an itchy fucking burning. You know, when you pee?
[01:07:51] Speaker B: I don't know. I've never had it. I just have interstitial cystitis.
[01:07:53] Speaker A: I don't have any STD's either. I'm sorry. I don't. I'm not aware.
[01:07:57] Speaker B: This is not something to apologize for. That is a good thing that you do not have any STD's.
[01:08:01] Speaker A: I. I'm sorry. I have a fucking clean, healthy penis.
[01:08:04] Speaker B: Thank God for that.
[01:08:09] Speaker A: Oh, I love this fucking top comment.
[01:08:11] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Yes.
[01:08:12] Speaker A: By sport dicking goods.
Sorry, but it's impossible to believe that all he did was engage in 10 seconds of an unwelcome blowjob while soft. A guy's trip in Thailand rakes of sex tourism. I think it's very unlikely. Didn't strip cheat on you. Likely multiple times.
[01:08:31] Speaker B: Yes.
[01:08:31] Speaker A: Him engaging in any sexual contact with you without first getting tested is basically unforgivable to me.
Yeah. So fucking leave him. Just. Just leave him.
[01:08:47] Speaker B: And I'm sorry if it's herpes.
You know, like, I feel so bad for op.
I feel so bad.
[01:08:56] Speaker A: Like, there's. Yeah, there's. There's no way a ten second blowjob did any of that.
[01:09:01] Speaker B: While soft.
[01:09:02] Speaker A: Well, anything while even fucking hard doesn't matter.
So.
[01:09:07] Speaker B: I just love that detail.
Like, the more details you add, the more obvious it is a lie.
[01:09:15] Speaker A: But yes, you know, get your fucking test results back and blow. Blow them up on social media. Fuck them.
You know? Fuck him like he did all of Thailand.
You know, he's an asshole.
You know, like, it.
You know, if I went to Thailand, I'd bring my wife.
We're not going to Thailand.
[01:09:38] Speaker B: No, I can't eat it. I can't eat any of the food there.
[01:09:43] Speaker A: Also, I fucking, like, looked at how much it is. Like, we can go, like, the Philippines.
[01:09:48] Speaker B: I can eat some Philippines food. Filipinis. I can eat some.
I can eat their food.
[01:09:54] Speaker A: We can go out there and have some good ass lumpia.
Fucking dope ass egg rolls.
[01:10:00] Speaker B: Yes, I know.
[01:10:01] Speaker A: Oh, my God.
[01:10:03] Speaker B: No, filipino food is good.
[01:10:05] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, I'm down, but it's expensive, so. Yeah, but, you know, bring your fucking girlfriend if you're gonna go out there, it stops you from, you know, fucking nasty bitches. So, Opie, leave him and move on with your life. I am sorry that this happened to you. I am sorry that you have whatever fucking horrible pussy disease you have. It is, you know, a mark on you. You're gonna have to use condoms.
It sucks. Or you can possibly clean it up with some fucking, you know, medication. I don't know. But if it's herpes, you have it for life. Yes, that sucks. But, yeah, that is. That is.
Thank you all so much for being here.
Thank you all so much for, you know, sticking with us. I don't care.
You're all the best.
[01:11:09] Speaker C: Were you gonna say it's been fun?
[01:11:12] Speaker A: It has, you know, like, eleven minutes past our hour. But, yeah, we'll all see you fucking next week. Like, we're like a week ahead. So if you're like, what the fuck? That Donald Trump shit happened a week ago. Yeah, we're fucking week ahead at this point. Sorry, guys. I don't give a shit. Go fuck yourselves. Bye.
