Turkey Day

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alrighty. Alrighty, Boys and girls, gather on up. It is time for another episode of the human podcast. Doing it again. We're back. This week I have a real episode. We got me, Alex. Truck. We got my wife over here. [00:00:17] Speaker B: Not the truck. [00:00:18] Speaker A: Not the truck. And then we got Courtney. [00:00:21] Speaker C: Yep, I'm here. [00:00:24] Speaker A: And this is, I guess, the. The Thanksgiving episode. Because the next episode comes out after Thanksgiving. [00:00:31] Speaker C: Wow. [00:00:33] Speaker A: You know, Thanksgiving is this coming Wednesday. [00:00:36] Speaker B: Which is so weird because it's not the third Wednesday of the month. [00:00:41] Speaker A: No, wait, wait, it's Thursday. [00:00:42] Speaker C: Thanksgiving on Thursday. [00:00:44] Speaker A: It is Thursday. [00:00:45] Speaker B: Well, who said Wednesday? Did I say Wednesday? [00:00:46] Speaker A: I said Wednesday. [00:00:47] Speaker B: Okay, I feel better now. [00:00:50] Speaker A: It doesn't matter what day it is. [00:00:52] Speaker B: The wrong week is what matters. [00:00:54] Speaker A: Americans don't need an excuse to overeat. We do that all on our own. We are amazing at it. I love overeating. You know, it's like, oh, look, a pie. You know, like, realistically, you should have, like, one, maybe two slices of pie. I'll eat the entire fucking thing. I'll start from the middle with the spoon and then leave the edges. Because the edges of pie are gross. [00:01:20] Speaker B: No, the edges are the only part of pie that's not gross. [00:01:24] Speaker A: This. We are like. This is like. [00:01:27] Speaker B: The crust is the best part. It's crunchy. [00:01:30] Speaker A: It's like pizza. Like, you know, like, oh, my. [00:01:34] Speaker B: This is dreadful. Because I never eat the end to pizza. [00:01:36] Speaker A: Never eat the crust of pizza. I eat the crust of pizza. [00:01:39] Speaker B: I'll eat your pie crusts. [00:01:41] Speaker A: You can have all my pie crusts. They are disgusting. Dry fucking. [00:01:45] Speaker B: That is the. That is the driest part of the pie. I hate wet, dense foods. [00:01:51] Speaker A: Yeah. Give me the middle. Yeah. This is why we. [00:01:55] Speaker C: I like the whole thing. You guys are so weird. [00:01:59] Speaker A: Like, if you give me pie without ice cream too, like that. That's sacrilege. [00:02:05] Speaker B: Like, wait, you want ice cream with. [00:02:07] Speaker A: With pie? [00:02:08] Speaker B: Yes, with any pie. [00:02:10] Speaker A: Any pie. I don't care. [00:02:11] Speaker B: Is it frittata? [00:02:13] Speaker A: I don't know what a frittata is. [00:02:15] Speaker B: Okay, well, I was trying to trap you, so that was also mean on my part. You eat ice cream with pumpkin pie? [00:02:21] Speaker A: Yes. [00:02:22] Speaker B: I thought you eat whipped cream with pumpkin pie. [00:02:24] Speaker A: Ice cream. A scoop of vanilla. Boom. Maybe two. Boom. You know, right there and then. Yeah. You can put whipped cream on the fucking pumpkin pie. [00:02:33] Speaker B: Would you eat ice cream with a lemon meringue pie? [00:02:36] Speaker A: Yes. [00:02:36] Speaker B: What type of ice cream? [00:02:38] Speaker A: Vanilla. Vanilla is the only ice cream you can eat with pie. You cannot eat any other fucking. [00:02:45] Speaker B: What about chocolate ice cream? [00:02:46] Speaker A: No. Absolutely not. [00:02:48] Speaker B: Okay. No, no, no, no. What if you did strawberry ice cream with a rhubarb pie? No, I feel like that's possible. [00:02:54] Speaker A: Nope. Nothing. Like, if I see like anybody out there, like with like fucking Rocky Road ice cream with their pie, I slap it off the table, I'm like, no, try again. [00:03:07] Speaker B: Actually, no, because it has like it's got the walnut or. Wait, does Rocky road have walnuts or pecan? [00:03:13] Speaker A: Not at all. [00:03:14] Speaker B: Wait, what nuts in Rocky roll then? [00:03:18] Speaker A: I don't think there's any nuts in Rocky Road. [00:03:20] Speaker B: No, there's nuts in Rocky road. [00:03:22] Speaker A: What is in Rocky Road ice cream? [00:03:24] Speaker B: There's nuts, Boom. [00:03:31] Speaker A: What nuts are in Rocky Road ice cream? Almonds is. [00:03:38] Speaker B: See, I knew, like, I knew walnuts was wrong. [00:03:40] Speaker A: I give me the. Yeah, like Rocky Road is like good on its own. Like, you can give me a bowl of Rocky Road ice cream. [00:03:47] Speaker B: That's why I don't like it. It's cuz of the almonds. Like, it's always the wrong type of nut texture as far as I'm concerned. [00:03:54] Speaker A: Yeah. Stop trying to put health into my ice cream. I want it to be bad for. [00:04:01] Speaker C: Oh my. [00:04:02] Speaker A: I know. Yeah. Like when people are like, here's healthy ice cream, here's soy ice cream. Fucking eat your own soy ice cream. Show it up your ass. [00:04:13] Speaker B: I have never seen you eat ice cream with pumpkin pie. [00:04:17] Speaker A: You've never seen me eat pumpkin pie? You've never made a pumpkin pie? [00:04:21] Speaker B: What do you mean I've never made a pumpkin pie? [00:04:23] Speaker A: You've never made a pumpkin pie? [00:04:24] Speaker B: Okay. No, I made pumpkin pies up until two years ago because for some reason, at one point I thought you didn't like pumpkin pies. And I was like, oh, thank God I don't have to make pumpkin pies anymore, cuz they're disgusting. I'll make you pumpkin pies this year. [00:04:37] Speaker A: Like my favorite, apple pie. I like that. That's how you know I'm American. I love a good apple pie. Scoop of vanilla ice cream, Boom. And a dollop. If you're gonna put whipped cream, don't go fucking ape shit nuts with it. Fucking a dollop. [00:04:53] Speaker C: Boop. [00:04:54] Speaker A: Like right there on top. Like a little spoonful and then just toss that on and boom, you're good. Give me a spoon. I'll sit down. You know, eat that pie. [00:05:04] Speaker B: The only reason I ate pumpkin pie as a kid was so I could eat inordinate amounts of whipped cream and not get in trouble for it. [00:05:11] Speaker A: Like, I remember growing up like, there is a movie series called American Pie. And in the first movie, like, the main character, like, walks into the kitchen and sees the pie, and, like, there's a note saying, don't eat the pie or some like that. And so he's like, ah, okay. And so he sticks his finger into, like, the middle of the pie, like, in between, like, the little laces so he doesn't get in trouble. And, like, when he takes his finger out, it kind of like, looks like a pussy. And he's like, yeah. And, like, the next scene, he's like, in fucking the pie, and his dad walks in. He's like, oh, my God. It's like, we could just tell mom we ate the pie. It's a great. It's a great scene. Like, it's the same dad from Schitt's Creek that. That dude with the bushy ass eyebrows. [00:06:08] Speaker B: Mm. [00:06:09] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:06:12] Speaker A: Have you ever seen the American Pie, Courtney? [00:06:16] Speaker C: It's been a really long time. [00:06:17] Speaker A: Okay. Maybe I'll watch it with my wife tonight. [00:06:21] Speaker B: Isn't there cookies and cream pie? [00:06:24] Speaker A: Yes, probably. [00:06:25] Speaker B: Would you eat. Would you have vanilla ice cream with that? [00:06:28] Speaker A: Yes. There's a no bake eggnog pie. [00:06:34] Speaker B: I am never making that for you. What? [00:06:37] Speaker A: A no bake eggnog pie? Yes. [00:06:43] Speaker B: Okay. No bake are cheat recipes that work. [00:06:48] Speaker A: That cheat doesn't matter. [00:06:51] Speaker B: Cheat. Is there ice. Is there cream cheese involved? [00:06:58] Speaker A: I have no idea. [00:06:59] Speaker B: Ugh. Typically, no bake means cream cheese. [00:07:02] Speaker A: No bake eggnog pie. [00:07:05] Speaker B: Here are some recipes I found. [00:07:07] Speaker A: Let's. Let's see what the recipe is. For a no bake eggnog. [00:07:11] Speaker B: It's either pudding mix or it's cream cheese. [00:07:16] Speaker A: Ingredients, vanilla mix, pudding, and eggnog. You eat these two together and make the Basier pie filling, whipped topping. This goes in your filling as well. Makes it nice and fluffy. Graham cracker pie crust and grand nutmeg. So you just, like, mix together your two things and all three things. Can I use flavored eggnog? Yeah. I. I hate when people put recipes online, and then they're like, here's pictures of my kids and my life story off. No one cares. [00:07:57] Speaker B: That's why I like all recipes so much because, like, it's always immediate ingredients, instructions, and at the bottom, you can add your life story if you want. Like, you like. It's the first thing you see, I love that website. They even have an app. [00:08:12] Speaker A: See, I. I want to create, like, a recipe website where you have to pay for it. Like. Like, it's a subscription. You pay. [00:08:23] Speaker C: I don't think anyone would pay. [00:08:25] Speaker B: I thought you had to pay for Joy of Cooking. [00:08:28] Speaker A: You'd be surprised. You know, you get no ads when you pay, and that's a plus right there. Yeah, no ads whatsoever. [00:08:36] Speaker B: That's a plus. [00:08:39] Speaker A: Anyone can add the recipe. What, you want your other beer? [00:08:46] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:46] Speaker A: Okay. [00:08:50] Speaker C: That was for you guys. Sorry, guys. [00:08:55] Speaker A: And then, like, you. You'd be able to, like, get paid, you know, like, people can, like, donate, you know, be like, oh, I love your recipe. Here's a bit of money. And like, you know, or upvote your recipe. [00:09:09] Speaker B: So did you come up with an only fans pun for your website? [00:09:14] Speaker A: For my website for recipes? [00:09:16] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:22] Speaker A: Anything that I'm thinking of, you're just going to roll your eyes at and. [00:09:25] Speaker B: Be like, oh, I am not the master of puns in our. In the relationship. [00:09:31] Speaker C: Yep. [00:09:32] Speaker B: Okay. [00:09:34] Speaker C: Alex sucks. [00:09:35] Speaker B: I do. You know where I am at best with puns? At work, because I type up legal documents filled full of cat puns. [00:09:48] Speaker C: Seriously? [00:09:49] Speaker B: Yeah. The doctors, the relief vets get a huge kick out of it. They're like, you do this. And I'm like, fuck, yeah, dude. You don't know what I do. And also, get the fuck out of my clinic. I hate your guts. [00:10:00] Speaker A: But, yeah, like, I'd have, like, the app, you know, boom. Here's your ingredients, here's this. And it's like, hey, I need a recipe, you know, for this, but is vegan. And it's able to, like, filter it down. And you're able to find, like, this recipe that somebody else uploaded, and it's like, oh, yeah, there we go. All the ingredients I need, how to make it, how to put it, you know, And I feel like it'd work. And people, like, people don't have to, you know, pay you, but they can donate. Be like, I like this. You know, donate. And then they'll be like, oh, I'll make more recipes. Or like, if someone is like a, you know, gold star recipe person, then, you know, they get paid for, like, the free users and, like, they get all the, you know, adsense. I don't know. It's a smart idea, you know, it. [00:11:03] Speaker B: Is a smart idea, but you still needed an only fans pun. [00:11:09] Speaker A: I mean, only pans. [00:11:14] Speaker B: That's pretty good. But see, you are the pun master. [00:11:21] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, like, you can't do. [00:11:22] Speaker B: That kind of stuff. [00:11:24] Speaker C: Oh, my God, so funny, guys. [00:11:29] Speaker A: I mean, like, with recipes, like, you know, you. You do have, like, Thanksgiving, and I looked it up and I'm like, what is, like, Thanksgiving? Even the about. And it originated in 1621 at a harvest feast shared by the Wanga Ganga Goog Indians and the English colonists, the Pilgrims. That's why I like white people. They have simple names. Pilgrims and then these. [00:11:56] Speaker B: You had to look this up? [00:11:58] Speaker A: Well, I wanted to get dates and shit. [00:12:00] Speaker B: Okay. [00:12:00] Speaker A: Yeah, obviously. No, the Indian shared food. [00:12:03] Speaker B: Okay. Thank God. I was worried you hadn't watched the Addams Family. [00:12:07] Speaker A: I didn't, but. Wait, you didn't The Addams Family? No, I've seen. [00:12:17] Speaker C: You guys should watch that. [00:12:18] Speaker B: No, it's an integral part of, like, every single remake is the Thanksgiving, like, play. [00:12:25] Speaker C: Well, they don't have it in the last remake. [00:12:27] Speaker B: They don't. Oh. [00:12:30] Speaker A: But as a native, I. I have a pretty good grasp. It's like, hey, here, white people, you know, we'll save you, because obviously you're gonna die if we don't. And. And so, like, the natives are like, go poop. And. And then the white people like, thank you so much. Here's. [00:12:51] Speaker C: Basically the reason why the Indians were so manageable is because they basically caught all of our diseases and they died. [00:13:00] Speaker B: Biological warfare. [00:13:03] Speaker A: I mean, like, did they know, like, when they gave, like, the smallpox blankets? [00:13:09] Speaker C: No. [00:13:09] Speaker A: Were they aware? Absolutely not. They're like, oops. Like, that was a huge oops. Like they were thinking that they're being helpful and. And if it didn't have smallpox. Yeah, that been awesome. But, you know, it. It just turned into, like, this bitter thing. And, you know, white people are relentless and they won and natives get casinos and, you know, I just have to deal with the racism now. [00:13:39] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:13:40] Speaker B: So what? [00:13:41] Speaker C: Indians weren't like, all these gentle people? [00:13:45] Speaker A: Like, oh, yeah, no, a lot of us were mean. Like, I'm still mean. [00:13:53] Speaker B: What? When was Thanksgiving Gay day? Like, when did it become a holiday? [00:14:02] Speaker A: President Abraham Lincoln declared Thanksgiving a national holiday in 1863 during the Civil War. Before that, presidents like George Washington jot down, blah, blah, blah. I'm called for the days of thanks. [00:14:19] Speaker B: Oh, wait. [00:14:24] Speaker A: So Thanksgiving in 1864. [00:14:26] Speaker B: So this was a treaty? [00:14:28] Speaker A: Yeah, but it took like 200 years for. [00:14:31] Speaker B: Wait, when was the Trail of Tears? Are these correlated? [00:14:37] Speaker A: When was the trail of tears? 1831. [00:14:42] Speaker B: Okay, so not correlated. For a second, though, things kind of connected. Like, is this a media cover up for white shame? [00:14:50] Speaker A: Well, I mean, it was like 30 years after that, you know, they're like, okay, you guys are settled now. You're good, right? You know, sorry about, you know, the, you know, making you march and killing y'all. But, you know, we're all happy now, right? [00:15:05] Speaker B: No, it kind of Sounded like a white guilt thing for a second. [00:15:08] Speaker A: So it is white guilt. [00:15:09] Speaker C: It wasn't a white guilt thing. Well, I mean, it was just public sentiment. [00:15:18] Speaker A: It was public white guilt. [00:15:19] Speaker C: It wasn't. [00:15:22] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, like, the, the people in charge didn't give a, you know, I. [00:15:30] Speaker B: Mean, Abraham Lincoln gave a pretty good about stuff. Let's be honest. There's a reason why he was killed. [00:15:37] Speaker A: I mean, like, what if, like, he just was like, you know what? It's time to end slavery. People are, you know, beginning to find out that black people have bigger dicks and are funnier than us. Let's, you know, end it. And then, you know, he's like, yeah, let's make Thanksgiving too. Yeah, I, I, I'm excited for, like, the future. Like, in a hundred years, like, every day is just gonna be a holiday. It's like, oh, guess what? It's May 3rd. I guess I get to have a day off of work. Oh, it's May 4th, which is now a federal holiday. [00:16:12] Speaker B: I feel like that should be a federal holiday. [00:16:15] Speaker A: It shouldn't. Not at all. [00:16:17] Speaker B: I'm surprised Disney hasn't made it. [00:16:18] Speaker A: So why would they? [00:16:20] Speaker B: Because they own that now. [00:16:23] Speaker A: Yeah, Disney's not the government. [00:16:27] Speaker B: Are you sure? [00:16:28] Speaker C: Yep. Fortunately, they don't. [00:16:32] Speaker B: No. [00:16:36] Speaker A: But yes. Like, you know, many cultures around the world celebrate for a plentiful harvest. In Canada, it's known as some French because, you know, they don't want to speak speak English. They want to be French. [00:16:51] Speaker B: Like, like, okay, Quebec French is completely different from European French. [00:16:57] Speaker A: We need to just take over Canada. We need. [00:16:59] Speaker B: Why? They're living their best life. They're living their best life. Leave them alone. No, they have free health care and they have a red light district. [00:17:08] Speaker A: Do they? [00:17:10] Speaker B: Yes. [00:17:11] Speaker A: Yeah, we have, you know, Craigslist. [00:17:16] Speaker B: That is not. I have nothing to say. [00:17:23] Speaker A: They had to get rid of the personal section because everyone was just using it as like a fucking, you know, prostitute fucking thing. [00:17:31] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. If you're like, I feel like Craigslist should. Yeah. No, and it's like, and it's not classy prostitutes, like, it's Craig List prostitutes. Like, yeah, there's a difference. [00:17:41] Speaker A: If you're going onto Craigslist to look for a prostitute, you know what you're getting? It's like going to Walmart. It's like going to the parking lot of a Walmart and bag, hey, you want to fuck? You want to fuck? You wanna, you know, And I'm sure by the time you get to your third woman, they're gonna make. Yeah. [00:18:03] Speaker C: Oh my. [00:18:06] Speaker A: I mean, you know, fucking women in, you know, Walmart parking lots are loose like slave of wizard. You know, like people that are hanging around a Walmart do not have anything good going on in their life. [00:18:20] Speaker B: No, they do not. [00:18:23] Speaker A: Like crazy people of Walmart. Like I don't know what it is with people at Walmart's, okay? They like all the time. Like, you know, you might think like this is some weird stereotype, you know, you'll see like a million stories of like oh, they went to the closed section and took a shit in the middle of the closed section. Or you know, they went and like you know, fucking shit all over the bathroom all the fucking time. Why do you people need to go to Walmart to fucking release like your demons of diarrhea. Like knock it off at home. [00:19:01] Speaker C: I don't know, why don't you go to Walmart? And when you see little demons being little demons fart in their face. [00:19:08] Speaker A: Oh no, no, I'm talking grown ass men themselves and then walking around Walmart like it's normal while drips out of their pants. And if you think, oh this is some story he found on the Internet. This happened to me. Well I, I wasn't but I, this is when I was working at Walmart. Yeah, it's like some random dude and I like, you know, I grabbed like the janitor, I'm like hey, you got a trail. And someone got to stop that guy. And he was just walking around like little like driplets of diarrhea just evely dispersed. Luckily he didn't come over to sporting goods because he wasn't healthy. And that's where I was like, oh. And I don't, you know, they probably like sir, you need to leave. You know, you can't shit yourself. [00:20:08] Speaker B: Okay? But no, it's Walmart. Like everyone knows that's where scum is at. Yeah, okay. [00:20:15] Speaker A: Like it's fucking worst of the worst of society, you know, at a fucking Walmart. [00:20:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:23] Speaker A: And like Black Friday is, you know, the worst of the worst day. [00:20:27] Speaker B: Oh, how many death counts are we going to see this year? Is all I care about. That's all I care about. I want death counts. [00:20:36] Speaker A: Like now they have Black Friday week. I remember when Black Friday was an actual cool ass day. Like it's like the first 10 people in line get a free laptop and people would like wait a week. Like they would like just camp out in front of fucking Walmart for a fucking week to be that first person in line. [00:20:57] Speaker B: What's the average cost of a laptop? [00:20:59] Speaker A: Now, like, you can get one probably for like 200 bucks. [00:21:03] Speaker B: Okay, that answered my question. Continue. [00:21:08] Speaker A: You know, like, you know, now Thanksgiving is just a capitalist holiday and I love it. I'm here for it. Like just in time for Christmas, you know, you can have a little capitalist holiday where you can fucking get shit, you know, for the normal price. That should be. And it's not bad, you know, I don't actually hate it. Oh my God. Yeah, we blew a bunch of time on that. And like, for me as a truck driver, I do have to work on Thanksgiving, so. You know any of my family that unfortunately listens to this, I'm gonna be working Thanksgiving. I'll try and call people. There's a lot of dead zones where I don't get any service and it sucks. [00:22:08] Speaker B: Oh God. Do we have to talk to family? [00:22:10] Speaker A: Yes. Yeah, it's Thanksgiving. [00:22:13] Speaker B: Oh God. Okay. No, I spent like an hour on the phone with mama this today. That counts, right? [00:22:20] Speaker A: Not for me. [00:22:21] Speaker B: Ugh. [00:22:22] Speaker A: I'll call. I'll do my calling when I'm on the road. How's that? [00:22:27] Speaker B: No, it's just a cop out. I'll still have to. I'll probably call you. Nah, we'll see. [00:22:32] Speaker A: You know how to do. [00:22:33] Speaker B: I spent an hour on the phone with Myanmar today, so. Yeah, it was nice though. Me and her haven't like talked for a couple months. I hadn't realized it been so long since we last talked. [00:22:45] Speaker A: I mean, we'll call everybody and be like, hey, happy Thanksgiving and you know, stuff, you know. What are you eating? What? [00:22:56] Speaker C: So earlier today I was trying to get something to come on tomorrow, like a stupid bitch that I am. And some of them said they wouldn't get here until Tuesday. Well, you know what they say they're gonna get here Monday and that's a day early. And I feel like I've won. [00:23:19] Speaker B: Fantastic. [00:23:21] Speaker C: I know, right? I got. Yippee. Sorry, guys, I just had to share that now. [00:23:31] Speaker B: You've been. She's been delivering on this for hours. Like, I'm super stoked. [00:23:36] Speaker C: Yeah, it's a little thing needs to happen. [00:23:39] Speaker B: Yeah. You're one step closer to achieving your goal, my dearest. [00:23:44] Speaker A: We need to make ham. Like the actual food. Like get rid of turkey. Turkey is a trash food, okay? [00:23:51] Speaker B: No Dinner served. Ham is disgusting. [00:23:55] Speaker A: No. Spiral cut ham. Top notch. [00:23:58] Speaker B: Uhuh. That shit's weird. It flakes like fish, but it's still wrong. [00:24:03] Speaker A: I know. [00:24:04] Speaker C: Didn't you like my ham that I got you? [00:24:06] Speaker B: That I made? [00:24:07] Speaker C: I made you try. [00:24:08] Speaker B: Yes. Courtney. Pineapple on it. Courtney, that's because you made it. And every food you've ever made me taste delicious because I love you and you're my best friend. A. [00:24:19] Speaker C: It's my favorite. I put a mixture of honey, pineapple and brown sugar on top of ham while it cooks. And it tastes amazing. [00:24:30] Speaker B: It glistens so well. [00:24:32] Speaker C: Yes, it does. [00:24:34] Speaker A: But no one ever has made like a top notch turkey. You have to like, drown it in gravy. Drown it in like butter drain. You just, you know, you, you have turkey, like little flakes of turkey, like floating in your gravy. Like, turkey is like disgusting. [00:24:54] Speaker B: I think oven roasting turkey is like a really difficult task. [00:24:59] Speaker A: Make it a chicken, you know, let's have Thanksgiving chicken. [00:25:03] Speaker B: Well, that's why I make fish every year. It's the farthest wake we can get from from turkey. Fish are foul, man. [00:25:12] Speaker C: They're so funny. [00:25:14] Speaker B: Fish are foul. [00:25:16] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean. And okay, I don't know who fucking came up with like that cranberry sauce in a can. You know, like the ones you like, cut into like little fucking discs. [00:25:30] Speaker B: Yeah. That you heat up so they're not so weird. [00:25:33] Speaker A: I. What is that? What? I don't know what that is. [00:25:38] Speaker B: Wait, what do you mean, just cut in slices? What do you mean, just cutting? No, you put it on the stove and you warm it up. So it's like a sauce. [00:25:50] Speaker C: It's cranberry sauce. [00:25:51] Speaker B: You warm it up. [00:25:52] Speaker C: And the one that's the best has whole cranberries in it. [00:25:57] Speaker A: Yeah. Jellied cranberry sauce. [00:26:00] Speaker B: Wait, so two different ones. [00:26:02] Speaker C: So there's two different ones at the store. There's one that doesn't have cranberries in it and one that does. [00:26:12] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:12] Speaker A: You just like open it. Yeah. Like, look, look at this. They. They even have a video of it, you know, just coming around, slicing it out of the can, just wiggling it around. Yeah. There's like this weird ass. And then he slips, slaps it. Look, just that, like it's a can shaped. [00:26:31] Speaker B: I understand that. But then you put it on the stove and you warm it up. So it's a sauce. It's not. [00:26:36] Speaker A: Look at what he's doing. [00:26:37] Speaker B: What the. What? [00:26:39] Speaker A: Look. Yeah, yeah. [00:26:41] Speaker B: Is it supposed to be eaten in that form? [00:26:44] Speaker A: Yes. [00:26:45] Speaker B: What? [00:26:46] Speaker A: Yeah, you just pick them up. You just pick them up and eat them. [00:26:50] Speaker B: It's preference. [00:26:52] Speaker A: What? It's the weirdest thing. Oh, look, this guy's cutting it in his stars. What? The Jewish stars. What now? [00:27:03] Speaker B: It's even worse now that you pointed that out, but Wait, what? Are you supposed to eat it cold? [00:27:09] Speaker A: It's a. Yeah. And then arrange it on a serving platter and then. Yeah. [00:27:16] Speaker C: And guys. [00:27:18] Speaker B: Cringe worthy. [00:27:19] Speaker C: Just makes me think of the fact that I want to get a pair of crocs. [00:27:24] Speaker B: You just want crocs so bad. [00:27:26] Speaker A: Oh, here. Here you go. Someone's ruining it. [00:27:30] Speaker B: Oh, thank God. Let's see here. [00:27:34] Speaker A: Let me share the whole fucking experience with Courtney here. [00:27:39] Speaker B: Okay. No, this is how. This is how my mom did it. This is how it's supposed to be done. [00:27:48] Speaker A: So. Yeah. Yeah. No, like, absolutely not. [00:27:53] Speaker B: No, it's. It's. It's a jam. It's not a fucking jelly. It's not a goddamn preserve. [00:28:04] Speaker A: But, like, I have no problem eating it in the cubes. It's just weird. [00:28:08] Speaker B: But that's because you're eating it. [00:28:12] Speaker A: Did you see this shit up here? [00:28:13] Speaker B: No, no, it's. No, it's like jam. You put it on bread and eat it. It's like putting strawberry jam on whatever. You eat peanut butter with bread. [00:28:23] Speaker A: Pour it into a serving bowl and let it cool. Cool. I hope it, like, re. Solidifies, like, after it cools down. [00:28:28] Speaker B: No, it's like. It's a sauce. [00:28:30] Speaker A: Now chill in the refrigerator until you're ready to serve it. [00:28:35] Speaker B: Yeah, until you're ready to serve it. When you serve it, you reheat it. [00:28:40] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, like, that's how it's. [00:28:43] Speaker B: Supposed to be done. It's a. It's like. Okay. [00:28:47] Speaker A: I mean. [00:28:48] Speaker B: Okay. No, no, no, no. Eating it in slices is like making top ramen by just adding the water to it. [00:28:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:28:55] Speaker B: Okay. [00:28:56] Speaker A: Do you have any idea how many times I just, you know, punch the bag of top ramen and just pour it in my mouth? Like, not even adding the flavor. [00:29:06] Speaker C: What? You evil person. My favorite thing to do is when I break down is pouring it and eating it dry. [00:29:18] Speaker A: Yes. Yeah. So you pour it, eat it dry, but you don't even add the flavor because the flavor is just too salty. So you just, like, kind of. [00:29:28] Speaker B: You need it with the flavoring. [00:29:30] Speaker C: No, it tastes disgusting without the flavor. [00:29:32] Speaker A: Yeah, I know, but it tastes disgusting. It gets the job done. It fills a hole in my soul. [00:29:40] Speaker C: It makes a hole in your soul? [00:29:42] Speaker A: It fills a hole in my soul. [00:29:44] Speaker C: No, no, it makes the whole. It makes it. [00:29:51] Speaker A: See, like, you know, I'll be like, going back and the bike. Oh, you. You work today? I'm like, I do, but there's no one on the road. And I love it. It's great. [00:30:04] Speaker B: There aren't people on the road? [00:30:06] Speaker A: Not really, no. [00:30:07] Speaker B: Isn't it? Aren't there, like, I feel like this is a bit like. It'd be like a more like policed holiday looking for drunk drivers at night. [00:30:15] Speaker A: Yeah, I suppose. But during the day, they're all, you know, getting drunk, hanging out with family. I'm like, good. And then, like, if I see anybody else on the road, I'm like, loser. No one loves you. Drive off the road, get out of my way, idiot. [00:30:43] Speaker B: No one loves you. [00:30:45] Speaker A: And then, yeah, I look over and, like, the dude's getting a blow job. Like, God damn it. You know, every time. [00:30:52] Speaker B: If I was there, I would give you Roadhead. Okay. [00:30:55] Speaker A: I have multiple cameras in my truck. [00:30:58] Speaker B: So. [00:31:00] Speaker A: They. Like today. So today I. I got into town and nothing had happened, you know, since, like, Pagosa Springs. Like, like, the only thing that happened, it was like there was a deer and it was. Been like, little cagey, and I'm like. So I had to, like, slam on my brace a little bit so I didn't hit it, you know? And so I get into town, my boss, you know, calls me all in a panic. He's like, dude, are you okay? I'm like, what are you talking about? He's like, I got a text saying you crashed. I'm like, from who? You know, I would tell you if I crashed. And he's like, you didn't crash. Like, I didn't crash. No. Because apparently in the past couple weeks, there had been two really bad crashes. One guy, like, rolled his truck and another, you know, like, laid it over. [00:32:00] Speaker B: Oh, snap. But why didn't he think you'd had a crash? [00:32:04] Speaker A: Because he got a text saying, I crashed. [00:32:07] Speaker B: From what? [00:32:08] Speaker A: I don't know. He didn't tell me. [00:32:13] Speaker B: Okay. I was expecting you to say that some sort of AI had reported you because you slammed your brakes too hard. [00:32:20] Speaker A: I mean, you know, if I go around a corner, hard as shit, then, yeah. And then it's like, you have to watch a video and it's like, yeah, I have to fucking take some corners hard. [00:32:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:32] Speaker A: Or, you know, risk someone rear ending me because people are dumb shits. [00:32:36] Speaker B: Yeah. No, you're. There's more reasons than what those videos ever stipulate. It's kind of. They. They're really blind. [00:32:45] Speaker A: And so, you know, like, the main reason it was a huge. It would have been a huge deal is because today was actually the last day that I have my current truck. And I just got put into a brand new 2025 freight liner. And, yeah, I just spent like all day transferring all my stuff, you know, moving it from one truck to another. [00:33:11] Speaker B: Any sadness or gladness? [00:33:14] Speaker A: Oh, no, the new truck's awful. I hate it has like a touch screen radio and you know, as Android Auto, I fucking. It's garbage. I hate everything about it, okay? [00:33:27] Speaker B: I have a touchscreen stereo and I do everything I can to avoid touching it. It doesn't fucking work. Yeah, no, like, and it's shiny and reflects light in my eyes. Like, holy fuck. It's like the one thing I don't like about my car is that it's a touchscreen. [00:33:40] Speaker A: And then like, you know, so I'm like, in my truck, there's broken glass everywhere. [00:33:45] Speaker B: In your new truck? [00:33:46] Speaker A: In my brand new truck. The brain has 700 miles on it. And, you know, that's because they had to, you know, get it down, get it up here from Mexico and get it around and all that shit. [00:33:58] Speaker B: I suppose it was driven. [00:33:59] Speaker A: Yeah, they come from Mexico. [00:34:02] Speaker B: For some reason I thought it came on a train. Some miles weren't put onto the truck. [00:34:07] Speaker A: No. Yeah, they usually come with about 6, 700 miles on them every time. [00:34:13] Speaker B: Interesting. All right, continue. [00:34:16] Speaker A: And so I like, get in my truck and I look, look around. Broken glass just all over the fucking place. And I notice like, the back glass to my cab is just like freshly replaced. I'm like, how the fuck did you break that? You guys are idiots. And they broke it into. I'm like, yeah. And the brand new windshield is already cracked. And so, like, I texted my boss, I'm like, hey, there's a crack in the new windshield. He's like, what? I'm like, yeah. He's like, use your truck. Then I'm like, my crack's worse. Like, I have multiple chips and cracks all over my truck, you know? Don't, don't. I'm. I'm not undoing everything I just did. And plus, it's Thanksgiving week. None of these fucking, you know, windshield replacement people are gonna be out. And the new windshield is fucking stupid. And it has like a bunch, like cutouts and a bunch of weird shit all over. It has cutouts. It has cutouts for like front facing cameras and shit. See, it's like there's a bunch of technology jammed into the truck for no good reason. [00:35:35] Speaker B: Just there to monitor you. [00:35:37] Speaker A: No, it's like lane departure assistance and like that breaking assistance. [00:35:43] Speaker B: Oh, it's for people who don't know how to drive. [00:35:46] Speaker A: It's for people that drive tired and like, get outside their lane. Oh, that's so it like rumbles at you. It's like, hey, you're up. Like, good. So, yeah, I. I hate the new truck. The way less room and there's just nothing I can do about it. [00:36:11] Speaker B: You know, that's the worst bit. [00:36:15] Speaker A: I mean, I could just go buy a brand new truck, you know, all on my own. [00:36:22] Speaker B: But no, no, whenever those wheels are still, it's costing you money. And I'm not living that life with you. [00:36:34] Speaker A: Eh, whatever. Let's go ahead and get some news stories that I pulled up. How do you. So the Onion, you know, the Satire news outlet, bought Infowars, like the Alex Jones website. [00:36:58] Speaker B: Huh? [00:37:00] Speaker A: He. They bought that entire website from them. [00:37:04] Speaker B: I don't know what Infowars is. [00:37:05] Speaker A: So Alex Jones was like this crazy conspiracy person. He's like, the frogs are gay and you know, Sandy Hook didn't actually happen. And you know, he. He was a nut job. [00:37:20] Speaker B: Okay. [00:37:21] Speaker A: He's like. Yeah, he's like 911 was an inside job and he just like say weird all the time. [00:37:29] Speaker B: Okay. [00:37:31] Speaker A: But you know, he had like this crazy website with all this dumb on it. And since he got sued for what he said that Sandy Hook didn't happen. [00:37:48] Speaker B: Okay, so you got sued. Continue. [00:37:49] Speaker A: So the school shooting where a bunch of kids died. [00:37:52] Speaker B: Oh, I thought that was a fucking hurricane. Continue. [00:37:55] Speaker A: So it was a school shooting where a bunch of kids died. And he said that the kids were all actors and it never actually happened. And so all the parents just sued the shit out of them. [00:38:08] Speaker B: Good for them. [00:38:09] Speaker A: And they won, obviously. [00:38:11] Speaker B: Good for them. [00:38:13] Speaker A: And so, you know, he's like in serious bankruptcy and people are trying to keep him afloat. [00:38:18] Speaker B: Why are they trying to keep him afloat? [00:38:19] Speaker A: Because they. They're idiots. [00:38:21] Speaker B: My God, this is just America. American. [00:38:24] Speaker A: Yeah, this exactly. [00:38:26] Speaker B: Continue. [00:38:26] Speaker A: And so he was selling his website and the Onion, the satire website, came up and bought it. So I'm interested to see. [00:38:36] Speaker B: This is fucking hilarious. [00:38:38] Speaker A: What happens with it, you know, cuz like if you. Let's see, you know, Infowars. Yeah, it's just, you know, crazy like. Yeah, it's still all his, you know, federal agents attempting to deport illegals will be physically resisted. [00:39:00] Speaker B: Wait, so he's still able to post stuff on his website even though it's by someone else? [00:39:05] Speaker A: Well, I don't think like, it like the sales like finally gone through yet. [00:39:08] Speaker B: Oh, okay. So he's still being allowed to post stuff? [00:39:13] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, I don't think anything. [00:39:16] Speaker B: Does he have a real job? [00:39:18] Speaker A: Yeah. Doing this dumb bullshit. [00:39:20] Speaker B: Oh, you know What? He's making a living, but as long as he lost a first lawsuit, I'm happy. [00:39:28] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, he, you know, like, if, if he would have just stuck with like, the frogs are gay and just been like that fucking lunatic. He was like a homeless lunatic that, you know, was deep into conspiracies. But like, for some reason people listen to him. You know, like, the people are like, the end is nigh and the government's controlling you with fluoride. Here's my tinfoil hat. You know, he's like that guy. [00:39:58] Speaker B: Do the tinfoil hats really work? [00:40:00] Speaker A: Of course. [00:40:01] Speaker B: Okay. [00:40:04] Speaker A: So off. Alex Jones. Whatever. Up to the next story. Colorado substitute bus driver fired after dropping off dozens of kids at wrong stop. Like, I, I, I just saw the thing and I'm like, oh, of course. Douglas county school districts have been substitute bus driver with Douglas county school districts has been fired. But parents in Castle Rock still want answers and accountability after their children had to go through a frightening experience. Of course, you rich, entitled little fuckheads probably had to walk a mile. The driver dropped off a dozen kids at the wrong stop on Monday. And some of the children were left wondering how they were going to get home, which was miles away. Route number 253 is a Route dozens of students regularly take. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. The district said there are just 12 stops on the route. And on the third stop on Monday, the bus stopped just short of the usual location, leading to some confusion. The district said the remaining 40 students got off at an intersection near Wolfensburger Road and Auburn Drive. [00:41:29] Speaker B: I hate that I know where that is. [00:41:30] Speaker A: I know. Yeah. Parents claim the bus driver told the children to get off the bus in the 30 degree weather. Yeah, there's plenty of businesses there. Just go into a business. [00:41:43] Speaker B: No, these are rich people suing. [00:41:46] Speaker A: Yeah, of course. Yeah. That's why the bus driver was fired. To, you know, kind of like be like, that's, that's not us. Oh, an eight year old kids. [00:41:59] Speaker B: No, read the line ahead of it. [00:42:01] Speaker A: The kids were petrified. The theater in their eyes. He said all the kids felt like they're being kidnapped. That's the opposite of being kidnapped, you idiot kids. You're fine. You're in Castle Rock. The nice part. [00:42:18] Speaker B: It's like the nice part of Castle. [00:42:21] Speaker A: It's like El Dorado Hill. [00:42:22] Speaker B: There's really no, like, bad side of Castle Rock, to be honest. It's just less nice. [00:42:31] Speaker A: It's like those people only have $2 million. $8 million. [00:42:43] Speaker B: Yeah, okay. No, the people in Castle Rock. They had a. Like they could afford the nice housing for the shorter Commit commute to Denver, but that's how much money they made. Is that how. That's how close they could afford to live to. They could live in order to commute to Denver. [00:43:05] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm sure the kids were being little shitheads and the bus drivers, like, you know, fuck this job, I don't care. And like, everyone get off the bus. I'm done, you know? Yeah, I mean, I. I'd never be a bus driver. They don't pay enough. But on to the. Onto the next story. An Indian man wakes on a funeral pyre. [00:43:36] Speaker B: What? [00:43:39] Speaker A: An Indian man awoke on a funeral pyre moments before is to be set on fire after a doctor skipped a post mortem. I'm not. I'm just going to call this guy Kumar. That's his last name. 25, who had been had speaking and hearing difficulties, had fallen sick and was taken to a hospital. And I know in the western state of a place. [00:44:06] Speaker B: You know, you could Google how to pronounce these names for the podcast. [00:44:11] Speaker A: No, I'm. That, that, that takes like here, I'll. [00:44:21] Speaker C: What is it? [00:44:23] Speaker A: I. I'm looking up the pronunciation. [00:44:26] Speaker C: Oh my. [00:44:30] Speaker B: Junu. [00:44:31] Speaker A: Junu. [00:44:33] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:44:33] Speaker A: There. Does that make you happy? [00:44:35] Speaker B: It does actually. [00:44:37] Speaker A: Been taken a hospital in Juneau, on the western side of Rastan. On Thursday, the Indian media reported that he had an epileptic seizure and the doctor declared him dead on arrival at the hospital. But instead of the required post mortem to ascertain the cause of death, the doctors sent him to the mortuary to be burned, according to Hindu rights. Dr. Singh, chief medical officer of the hospital, told AFP that a doctor had prepared the postmortem report with ACT without actually doing the postmortem and the body was sent for cremation. Yeah, that's gonna fucking suck. [00:45:26] Speaker B: Okay. [00:45:26] Speaker A: No, no, no, no, no. [00:45:27] Speaker B: Okay. This is. Okay. This is amazing to me. Okay. So for cremation. I hear that word almost daily because we work with crematoriums for cat bodies, right? So here it says cremation, but then it go back to. It goes back to describing the funeral pyran, which is like. Or funeral prior, which is like super weird to me. Cause I'm just used to hearing cremation being, oh yeah, giant oven. But no cre. Cremation is out. Doesn't need to be inside an oven for it to be cremation. I never realized that before. [00:45:59] Speaker A: Yeah, no, it's just a fucking. [00:46:00] Speaker C: So weird. [00:46:02] Speaker A: Take a bunch of wood. [00:46:03] Speaker B: Well, yeah, because you don't need to trap the ashes. [00:46:06] Speaker A: Yeah, they just, you know, send them. [00:46:08] Speaker B: Up like cream torrents. Need to be contained because you're trapping the ashes. That it. You can be it. The ashes don't need to be trapped in so called cremation. I'm having lots of fun over here. I'm sorry. Y'all are boring. [00:46:24] Speaker A: Yeah, it's fine. So I. I'm sure most of you all remember back in the day, the banana taped to a wall. [00:46:35] Speaker B: What? [00:46:36] Speaker A: So in a New York museum, someone, like, taped a banana to a wall? [00:46:41] Speaker B: Oh, it's amazing. [00:46:42] Speaker A: As, like a joke. [00:46:44] Speaker B: Yes. [00:46:45] Speaker C: Oh, God. [00:46:46] Speaker B: Ah, humanity. [00:46:47] Speaker C: This one is so stupid. [00:46:49] Speaker A: It is very stupid. Guess what? It sold for $6.2 million. To who in New York. [00:46:57] Speaker B: Who got the money? [00:47:01] Speaker A: The buyer, cryptocurrency entrepreneur Justin sun is the founder of the cryptocurrency exchange Tron. He described it not as a piece of art, but as a cultural phenomenon that bridges worlds of art, memes and cryptocurrency. [00:47:20] Speaker B: The. [00:47:24] Speaker C: People are so stupid. [00:47:25] Speaker B: People are so stupid. [00:47:26] Speaker A: Yeah, of course they are. Like, really, when the ETFs and like the, you know, like the board apes and all that dumb came out, I'm like, this is going to go bad and people are going to lose a ton of money. And naturally. Yeah, that's exactly what happened. You know, like. Like, I feel like at the end of, you know, cryptocurrency, you know, at the end of, you know, Bitcoin, doge and, you know, all these other stupid meme coins, you know, there's going to be, you know, dumbasses that are stuck holding the bag that paid for it all. [00:48:07] Speaker B: Yeah, but that's their problem, not yours. [00:48:10] Speaker A: Nope. [00:48:14] Speaker B: I just want to know who got the money for it. [00:48:17] Speaker A: Justin Sun. [00:48:18] Speaker B: Oh, no, that's the person who bought it. [00:48:22] Speaker A: Probably the museum. Yeah, An Italian artist, Maru Itzu Catalan, has sold. Yeah, so probably this Italian artist dude got the money for it. Yeah. Good for him. [00:48:44] Speaker B: I know. For reals, like, let the idiots enjoy themselves. [00:48:52] Speaker A: And now time for the Florida story. Because obviously a Florida story has to happen. I'm. A homeless man was arrested Wednesday and charged with plotting to bomb the New York Stock Exchange to force a reboot or reset of the U.S. government. [00:49:11] Speaker B: Oh, this is you. Shit. All right, continue. [00:49:15] Speaker A: Haran Yanar came under FBI scrutiny in February after agents received a tip that he was sorting storing bomb making schematics in a storage in Coral Springs. [00:49:33] Speaker B: That's a wonderful name for a town. [00:49:36] Speaker A: After they got Yearner's permission. FBI agents searched the storage unit early in March and found spiral bound notebooks with drawings of landmines, explosives, missiles, and other improvised explosive devices. Uriner told the agents at the time that he was creating rockets with very volatile chemicals that would explode if they are mixed incorrectly. The complaint said. He also claimed he was recruited over Facebook messenger to join ISIS overseas, but ultimately decided against it because he believed the terrorist group would not succeed in achieving its objective. [00:50:20] Speaker B: No. [00:50:20] Speaker A: Continue reading. Near the end of the interview, it says he told the FBI agent that he was waiting for the right moment to take action within the US I'm just waiting for some kind of hole to open up so I can go, yep, there it is. I. I'll know when I see it, he said, according to the complaint. [00:50:44] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:50:45] Speaker A: Armed with a search warrant, agents returned to the unit a few days later and discovered bomb making sketches. Numerous watches with timers exploit electric circuit boards and other electronics that could be used for constructing explosive devices. [00:51:06] Speaker B: No. No. They played him, too. [00:51:08] Speaker A: Undercover FBI agents later made contact with Yearner and convinced him that they wanted to help him carry out an attack. They tracked urine throughout the summer and into the fall. In October, he asked an undercover agent to drive him to a Walmart where he picked up items and tools, including a soldering iron and a multimeter voltage reader that he needed to construct an improvised explosive device. Afterwards, he told the undercover agent that he settled on the New York Stock Exchange as a location where you detonate the ied. There is one place that would be hella easy, the stock exchange. It would be a great hit, Yearner said, according to the complaint. Tons of people would support it and they would see. See it and think, dude, this guy makes sense. They are robbing us. That's so perfect. Days later, he told a group of undercover FBI agents that he wanted to bomb the stock exchange the week before Thanksgiving. He also said he wanted to send a statement across a news station that explain his motives and objectives. Yeah, so they. They took this looney Tune, helped him get, you know, nowhere, and then arrested him. [00:52:47] Speaker B: That's so mean. [00:52:49] Speaker A: Yearner was charged with an attempt at use of an explosive device to damage or destroy any building in an interstate or foreign commerce. It was not immediately clear whether or not he had a lawyer. [00:53:06] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:53:07] Speaker A: Yeah, he doesn't have a lawyer. He's fucking homeless. Homeless student. Fucking Florida. He had to get up to New York. [00:53:17] Speaker C: Does he even make it to you? New York? [00:53:19] Speaker A: No. [00:53:21] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:53:24] Speaker C: He was a crazy guy. [00:53:27] Speaker B: Homeless guy. [00:53:28] Speaker C: He would have Never done anything. [00:53:31] Speaker A: Yeah, they're bored, though, and they wanted to pretend like they're doing something. [00:53:37] Speaker C: Pieces of. [00:53:39] Speaker B: But this is Walmart level. [00:53:43] Speaker A: Yeah. Ah, poor dude. But there is some good news. MIT and a University of Texas is announcing free tuition. MIT will give free tuition for families earning less than $200,000 a year. Which homeless guy needs because he makes zero. And University of Texas system announces free tuition for students whose families learn less, earn $100,000 or less. We. We would not qualify for that. But if we had a kid, we send them just to mit. [00:54:29] Speaker B: I went to. So when I went to college, I went to college for free because at that point in time, if a family made under 40 grand or less, I could go to college for free. In between the two of them, my parents could not even make that much. So that's why I have. Yeah. No, seriously, that's why I have no school debt is because my parents were so dead broke, I got to go to free thanks to the California government. So, yeah. [00:54:58] Speaker A: Yay. [00:54:59] Speaker C: It was based off of mine because I was separate. So, like, quite honestly, like, when I was working as a server, I made around 30,000. Like, actually, I think 20 something, 25 to 28,000. [00:55:19] Speaker A: If you work full time, you're gonna make some, like, good money, but you have to, like, continuously work full time. [00:55:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:55:27] Speaker A: But, yeah, whatever, you know, Excellent. I like to see that, you know, now it's easier to go to college. I hope that this helps out the future generations. Look into, you know, programs, look into grants, look into anything you can. If you cannot afford college, go. You know, why not? It's a big waste of your time. But, you know, it's a good place to, you know. [00:55:53] Speaker C: You know, you can actually, like, there's weird ways to get, like, grants and just do essays and like that and, like, different. [00:56:01] Speaker A: The. The only reason to go to college is to find someone that wants to, like, suck your dick. Like, that's it. [00:56:07] Speaker B: No one sucked my dick in college. [00:56:09] Speaker A: I did. It's a metaphor. Find someone to hook up with. It's a party. That's all it is. [00:56:20] Speaker C: Oh, my. [00:56:24] Speaker A: I feel like there's, like, old people that go to college that, you know, have that hope in the back of their head, like, just old dudes. Like, maybe one of these young, younger girls, like, at, like, 30 years old wants to suck my old penis. Yeah, you never know. But now we're on to am I the. We'll do this one by content country and 9,000, 125. Am I the asshole for accidentally revealing my boss's affair during the office Secret Santa exchange. [00:57:01] Speaker B: Oh. [00:57:03] Speaker A: I, 29, female, work in a small office where we always do the secret Santa like gift exchange. This year, I drew my boss, Rachel. Female. She's always been the sweetest to me, so I wanted to make her gift thoughtful. Rachel. Rachel frequently mentions her husband and their shared love of hiking. So I got her a fancy pair of hiking boots and a gift card to an outdoor gear store. During the exchange, she opened my gift and jokingly and I made a joking comment like, hopefully your husband doesn't already have these boots so you two can match. Her face turned bright red and the room got super awkward. I thought maybe she didn't like the gift. But later the day, one of my co workers, Dan Male, who I'm casually friendly with, pulled me aside and said, you know Rachel isn't hiking with her husband, right? I had no idea what he was talking about, so he spilled that Rachel has been having an affair with Steve Male, another manager in our office, and they've been sneaking away going on hiking trips together. Apparently it's an open secret along a few co workers, but I genuinely had no clue. [00:58:29] Speaker B: Oh my God. [00:58:31] Speaker A: My match with your husband joke unintentionally exposed the whole situation because now Rachel thinks someone told me about the affair and I was making a passive aggressive day. The fallout has been insane. Rachel has been cold to me ever since, and Steve won't even make eye contact. Meanwhile, the awesome office gossip has exploded. I feel like everyone's whispering about it. A couple co workers said I should have been more careful with my joke, but I think Rachel and Steve brought this on themselves. Am I the for unknowingly exposing my boss's affair with an innocent Secret Santa comment? [00:59:16] Speaker B: This is their fault. This is. This is justice served. Like op. You're the best. You should sit back and enjoy this. [00:59:36] Speaker A: Let's see what the comments say. I'm not the you didn't know and they brought this upon themselves. They're the for apparently expecting everyone to play along with the secret of their affair. Unfortunately, workplace politics consequences still won't play out in your favor. I'm afraid Steve and Rachel are responsible for their own actions. If they're engaging in an affair, they should be prepared for potential consequences, including exposure. [01:00:05] Speaker C: Quite honestly, I feel like she needs to make sure she stays ahead of this and like, documents, documents everything and then go after the couple that like, say that they created a a hostile work environment because of their affair. And quite honestly, they should be fired. [01:00:25] Speaker A: See My favorite comment is why are you having a Secret Santa in mid November? Oh, it's fake, isn't it? This is. No one buys their hiking boots which are expensive in an office Secret Santa. Especially without trying them on. Ah yeah, but it's a great story. [01:00:45] Speaker B: It is a great story. [01:00:47] Speaker A: Edit. Everyone's saying this is fake. I appreciate your confidence in my ability to think things. [01:00:52] Speaker B: Oh, that's filibuster to explain. [01:00:57] Speaker A: We did Secret Santa this prize Friday the week before Thanksgiving. We are a small office, pretty well off and we value our personal time. There are a handful of us that'll be out of the office beginning Monday throughout the holiday. Am I the for not doing secrets Hannah in December? Lol. [01:01:15] Speaker B: That's weird. [01:01:16] Speaker A: I got her expensive shoes because I can I didn't expect a thing from someone who ever got my gift, nor did I expect the price to be an issue. I can treat people around me with nice things, so why shouldn't I? [01:01:28] Speaker B: It makes it worse. It's a good story. OP should have accepted it where it was at and gone and been graceful about it. Yeah, it's a great story. [01:01:38] Speaker A: I mean like it'd be hilarious if it was. [01:01:40] Speaker C: I honestly, I've actually done that before. [01:01:44] Speaker A: Ruin someone's marriage? [01:01:46] Speaker C: No, like we've done Secret Santa because everyone was going to be out of town early at one of my jobs. [01:01:57] Speaker B: Interesting. [01:01:57] Speaker C: Yeah. [01:01:58] Speaker B: So okay, well then that plays into factor then. [01:02:03] Speaker A: And now for relationship advice By Papa Slow wife 31 female, doesn't want to be a mom anymore. What should I, 30 male, do? Household duties are fairly even. I return from work and do baths, dinner, books, house work and bed. The groundhog of parenting. She works two days a week Friday and Saturday. I work Monday to Friday. Younger two are in daycare Wednesday to Friday and the eldest five days a week. I understand the severity of the situation. I wasn't expecting someone to comment blah blah blah blah. Oh you're an. You put the edits at the bottom, you dumb. We have three children, 8, 5 and 2. My wife has become increasingly quick tempered as the older children are getting older and resorting to yelling at them to get their attention out of frustration. The frustration has led to numerous comments to the effect of forgetting of having children. The yelling has resulted in the kids not listening to anything but yelling and this has become the new normal. Today I received a phone call from my neighbor first time complaining that my wife has been shouting and yelling at the kids constantly. They also raised that the kids are outside at 5:30am I'm out of the house from 5am to 3pm due to work and cannot vouch for either of these. How would you best raise this woman? Wife. Nothing that she'll see as a personal attack. I expect she'll be quick tempered. [01:03:45] Speaker B: What the fuck? There's so much. There's so lack of information here. [01:03:49] Speaker A: Therapy. Just, you know, get her into therapy. Find out what the true problem is. You know, get your kids into therapy too. [01:03:59] Speaker B: Okay? Op can't see himself as blameless in this situation. I'm not saying he's the root of the cause, but I'm also not saying he hasn't. Okay, the point is there's not. I am operating on a lack of information. [01:04:16] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, let's see. First off, you know, if a neighbor called, it's bad. People will ignore massively bad behavior. Especially if it means where they eat. They'll chalk it up to bad days. Takes all kind. We don't know circumstances, blah, blah, blah. So if your neighbor literally overcame that normal social taboo again sticking their beaks and your wife's blah, blah, blah, blah. So yeah, I mean a mental health evaluation immediately. This sounds serious. Yeah, you're. It's going to be a conflict, dude. For, for real. Like you know, go through, you know, put it. Put up a ring doorbell, you know, put up some cameras. See what is actually happening when you're not there. [01:05:15] Speaker B: You shouldn't have to spy on your spouse. No, sorry, Op. [01:05:19] Speaker A: A ring doorbell is not a spy camera. [01:05:22] Speaker B: It's a concept to no longer be able to trust your partner. If they're treating your kids fair, it's not a nice feeling. [01:05:31] Speaker A: Well, I can tell you this, like as kids get older, they become the worst. You know, my mom can attest to this. You know, as I grew up, you know, it's like, oh no, you know, he. He's more full of. He got bigger and now he can fit more inside of him. He's so full of. Oh, this child. And you know, I. I'm sure like there's like some days that she would like hold the pillow and like, you know, is it too late for him to die of SIDS? You know, he's 15. I could kill him right now. [01:06:08] Speaker B: Hey, when does SIDS cut off? [01:06:12] Speaker A: I'm pretty sure that's just like parents killing their kids. [01:06:15] Speaker B: No, no, no. It's sudden infantile death or something like no. [01:06:20] Speaker A: 1 sudden infant death syndrome. [01:06:21] Speaker B: But so it cuts off after they're once. Are no longer infants. How long are you an infant? Till. [01:06:28] Speaker A: When does Sid. The majority of SIDS will occur within the 6 first 6 months of a baby's life. Highest number of deaths become one to four months. [01:06:43] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Okay. That average makes sense. All right, continue. [01:06:57] Speaker A: You know, like, there are, you know, like, like babies are fragile little things. [01:07:06] Speaker B: No, they are, but. [01:07:08] Speaker A: Yes, you know, dealing with three kids, Opie, it sucks. And your wife is stressed. [01:07:16] Speaker B: Nah, the first comment made sen. [01:07:22] Speaker A: When can you stop? At least one year old. [01:07:25] Speaker B: Okay. [01:07:27] Speaker A: That. That's when you can stop worrying about sets. Are there any warning signs? No, there are no warning signs of sids. [01:07:34] Speaker B: That's why it's sudden death or instant. I don't know. [01:07:43] Speaker A: I'm not Sudden infant death syndrome. [01:07:45] Speaker B: Okay, thank you. [01:07:46] Speaker A: This is right there. [01:07:47] Speaker B: Yeah. No, it's like instant, you know, like instant pot. [01:07:53] Speaker A: Yes. So, yeah, I mean, you know, ppd, you know, all that kind of, you know, go to a doctor, see what they say if you can't afford that. I mean, soon enough the kids will all be in school and you, you can like refigure that out. But the way I see it, she's a stay at home mom. Essentially. She works two days a week and she's home the rest of the week and you're gone majority of the week. So she has to deal with kids. Kids are a fucking nightmare. That's why I don't have them. You know, give. Give her a week off. Take like, go. What? You know, like, here's a. Here's a great solution. You know, take a week of vacation, you know, and come home, watch the kids, and send your wife out for a nice, you know, relaxing week. It's like, you don't have to deal with the kids. I will take care of them this entire week. You know, go get a massage. Go, you know, out and relax and, you know, be a person without, you know, having to be mom, mom, mom, mom every day with people that don't even respect her. Boom. Do that. Try it. See what happens. You know, she. She might be like, you know, you are right. I. I hate being a mom. I'm. I'm, you know, I don't know, give up your kids. Don't do that. That's a bad thing. You know, you made the decision to have a kid. Deal with the consequences. You know, it's like if you stab your hand, it's like you're gonna have to deal with a stabbed. So. But that. That's it. Thank you all so much for being here. Thank you all so much for sticking in. We'll be back next week with some more. I. I'm working a whole ton. So, you know, these will be sloppily put together. And if fun happens throughout the week, I'll mention it here, but until then, bye.