Tic Tok Government

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alrighty. Alrighty, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the human podcast. We are here, as always, with my lovely wife. Say hello to the people. [00:00:13] Speaker B: Dinner was good. [00:00:15] Speaker A: That's not. Hello, hello. [00:00:20] Speaker C: Oh, my God. My dinner was great, too, guys. [00:00:23] Speaker B: Excellent. [00:00:27] Speaker A: So your grandma saying hello? [00:00:30] Speaker C: No, it was me. I just had put my phone down. [00:00:36] Speaker A: And then we got Courtney over there. [00:00:39] Speaker C: Yep. [00:00:39] Speaker A: And then I'm Alex. A truck. As always, your intrepid host. I don't even know what an intrepid means. [00:00:46] Speaker B: I thought it meant adventurer. [00:00:48] Speaker A: It doesn't. [00:00:49] Speaker B: I don't know. I always hear the two words said together. You have access to the Internet. [00:00:58] Speaker A: I do, and I really don't care that much. Sometimes I just like pondering some shit and then back, I wonder what that means. And then a fantasy sequence plays in my head where I think of something really weird. And if a woman ever got access to that weird fantasy sequence of a man's head, like, man, I wonder what the inside of turtles are like. And it's like. And it's like they go inside and it's like a whole house. And they have another family inside their shell. They have their wife inside their shell. And I have everything in here. I don't know why I got there. It's like, yeah, but we need to move. All right, fine. We'll go out there and move. And then I move 3ft. And it's like, oh, this is a great place. [00:01:50] Speaker B: Now, there's nothing more fun than factual information. [00:01:55] Speaker A: No, it's way more fun to believe that there's a whole house inside of a turtle. And then you find out it's like, oh, yeah. They can just pull their head in a little bit and protect themselves and that's it. And their organs are underneath their shell. It's like an empty hump. Yeah, that's what I thought. It was like, an empty fucking hump. It was like a camel hump. Are disgusting, too. I used to think that the older a camel gets, it gets, like, more humps. [00:02:45] Speaker B: That's a factual theory. [00:02:48] Speaker A: Is that how it works? [00:02:50] Speaker B: Well, they grow bigger because they put fat reserves in there. It's not like water, it's fat. [00:02:58] Speaker A: Is there camels with like, four or five humps? [00:03:01] Speaker B: No, there's single and there's double. [00:03:04] Speaker A: What about triple? I swear there's triple fucking hump camels. [00:03:08] Speaker B: I mean, I'm not going to deny their existence now. [00:03:13] Speaker A: I have to look, God damn it. Let's see factual information. Triple hump. Triple hump camels suck my dick. [00:03:31] Speaker B: Hey, I only knew about two, I am very learned to find about three hummed camels. [00:03:36] Speaker A: This is a tits Apache camels. Yeah, I mean, most camels just have like the one fucking hump lame ass camels that throw up their stomachs to attract females. [00:03:48] Speaker B: Yeah, ungulates are weird. [00:03:52] Speaker C: What did you say? [00:03:53] Speaker B: Hooved creatures. [00:03:54] Speaker A: So camels will throw up their stomach and have it hang outside their mouth to attract females because they're like, that's sexy. [00:04:07] Speaker C: Oh my. Well, maybe it tells them stuff that we don't know. Maybe it tells them that, oh, we're healthy. Or tells them certain stuff about them. [00:04:20] Speaker A: It's like their version of a dick pick. Hey, girl, check up my stomach. No ulcers in this. [00:04:29] Speaker C: Way. [00:04:32] Speaker B: That is not unattractive. [00:04:35] Speaker A: It's like, yeah, I fucking don't have indigestion Ibs. I don't know why they have a mexican voice like they live in Australia or something. I don't think they live in. They live in Egypt. I think they get bred in Australia and get shipped over or some. [00:05:01] Speaker B: Also. I'm pretty sure they're in the Eurasia area as well. Not Eurasia like the asian Russian, like Tibetan, that kind of shit. Cause there's the adriatic camels and I'm pretty sure that's somewhere near Tibet. I don't know. [00:05:15] Speaker A: See, cool animals like that can't exist in the United States because we'll just shoot them. [00:05:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:24] Speaker A: Why do you say they're all sad? [00:05:26] Speaker B: Yeah, because there used to be pumas in Florida. [00:05:29] Speaker A: Okay, I'm glad that there's not. [00:05:32] Speaker B: No, this is why there are stupid people in Florida. Because there's no panthers or pumas to take them out. [00:05:41] Speaker A: Some animals just need to fucking die. Like the panda. Pandas just need to fucking go away. I hate pandas. Everyone likes pandas. It's like, oh, look, it's friend shaped. [00:05:54] Speaker B: No, pandas are creepy looking. [00:05:57] Speaker A: Pandas are bears. And people forget that shit all the time. It is a bear. It will kill you. I love. There was commercials back in the day of pandas just like going ape shit up like a grocery store or going ape shit in an office. I think it was like for milk or something. Oh, man, now I have to fucking look. Panda, panda commercial. They're cheese. It was a cheese commercial. [00:06:44] Speaker B: What? [00:06:47] Speaker A: It was a cheese commercial. Here, let me fucking share this with Courtney. Yeah, it was a fucking wild ass share. Psychic tea. Just no one, just panda is supposed to cake at the wall. Panda made Alehashna. But yeah, it's just like a bunch of fucking shit. Like that so fucking weird. [00:07:36] Speaker B: That was the time period of TV. [00:07:39] Speaker A: That was a foreign commercial. There is one where it's, like, in an office and fucking destroys the office. There's one. It's at the grocery store. Destroys the grocery store. [00:07:51] Speaker B: Weird. [00:07:52] Speaker A: They're just dicks. [00:07:53] Speaker B: I kind of feel like this is like, you need a Snickers type commercial. [00:07:57] Speaker A: Fucking foreign commercials. Slapped back in the 90s. They were great. [00:08:02] Speaker B: Everything slapped back in the 90s. [00:08:05] Speaker A: No, not everything. [00:08:07] Speaker B: Okay, well, I don't remember a lot. [00:08:11] Speaker A: Yeah, because you weren't really around for it. [00:08:13] Speaker B: I know. I missed out. I know, but, no, it's too late. [00:08:17] Speaker A: It is too late. There was a commercial back in the day for glasses, and it was a german commercial, I believe, or like a swedish commercial. And the chick is, like, getting ready to suck this dude off in the car. And so he unzips his pants and he's like, yeah. Leans back in his seat, and the chick takes off her glasses, and then she starts sucking, like the stick shift. [00:08:48] Speaker C: Oh, my God. What? [00:08:50] Speaker A: Yeah. How have you all never seen these commercials? [00:08:58] Speaker B: Okay, so my favorite commercial is a french commercial, and it's these two fucking swimwear models, and they're just, like, chilling on the beach. And all of a sudden they decided to go out swimming. In or out swimming. And all of a sudden a shark attacks one of them, and then it looks like a tampon for shark week. [00:09:18] Speaker A: Here, I got this one. They just start making out. He's like, you. It is a commercial for glasses. [00:09:49] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:09:55] Speaker A: It. [00:09:56] Speaker C: I mean, quite honestly, like, there's no way someone would mistake that for that. [00:10:04] Speaker A: Yeah, but it's know, a funny fucking. The. There was a YouTube channel that made, like, Mastercard spoofs. So Mastercard had these commercials been like this $10, that $20. Yeah, that's this priceless for everything else. There's Mastercard. [00:10:31] Speaker B: Those were good commercials, though. [00:10:37] Speaker A: There was, like, one where, like, a dude comes up and it's like night out on the town, $20. As if. Whatever. It was like a young dude type thing. And he's like, taxi ride home, $10, whatever. I'm making up the prices as I go because I'm not pulling up a third video. [00:10:58] Speaker B: Okay. [00:11:00] Speaker A: And then he's sitting at the fucking front door. He's like, so how about a blow job? And the chick's like, what? No, what if my dad fucking finds out? Oh, my gosh. I can't. We're at the front fucking door. And he's like, come on, just like a blow job, dude. My dad would kill me. And then the light turns on on the front door, and, like, the sister comes out, and the sister is like, dad says, go ahead and give him a blow job. Or I can do it. Or he can do it, but tell him to get his damn hand off the intercom. It's like fucking telling your girlfriend's dad that you want to blow job from priceless shit like that. I fucking butchered the end of that heart. Mochi, come here. Either come here, be on my belly, or do whatever. Okay. You're a very cute kitten. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Pandas, we could get rid of them. Like, we put them in a cage and say, hey, you, female panda, fuck that male panda. If they're lucky, bang, bang, bang. Make a baby. And if they're lucky, they'll be like, okay, look, it's eating the baby. Fuck pandas. Let them win their darwin award. Who cares? China doesn't need anything like that. We have better fucking bears. Like, pandas need bamboo or some shit to eat. [00:12:50] Speaker B: I believe it's young shoots, specifically. [00:12:55] Speaker A: Yeah, when they're green or something. Yeah, when they're hard as fuck. That sucks. [00:13:01] Speaker B: Hard for the stomach to transition from meat to digesting. [00:13:06] Speaker A: Fuck panda. Just let them die. We have pictures. We have the cute little video of the fucking pandas startling itself with a sneeze and shit. That's all we need. Cool. They were cute. They were friends shaped. They will kill you. We have videos of people, like, trying to pet pandas and then getting their arms ripped off, which is my favorite fucking videos of all time. Just in foreign countries where people reach their arms through the bar and either monkeys or fucking wild animals come and fucking rip their fucking arms off. It's like, oh, you didn't want that arm. That's food. If it's not food, why food shaped? And they just lose their fucking arm. And it's wonderful. Every time I see it, every time I see someone losing something, I'm like, I love Darwin awards. [00:14:03] Speaker B: We need more predators. [00:14:05] Speaker A: Just release the animals from the zoo. Fuck it. [00:14:08] Speaker B: You won't survive in the wild. [00:14:10] Speaker A: Oh, they don't need to be in the wild. Just, like, release them into town. [00:14:14] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:14:14] Speaker A: Let them get the revenge. At least the chimpanzees, they are fucking insanely dangerous. I don't know why people keep them as pets. [00:14:25] Speaker B: Yeah, it's fucked up. [00:14:30] Speaker A: There's people like, I love my chimpanzee. It's such a good chimpanzee. There is literally a horror movie about a chimpanzee just killing an entire family, because, like a balloon popped or something. And it goes and kills the entire fucking family because it freaked out. And then the boys hiding, terrified, and he's like, oh, my God. The chimp's like, why? What happened? I have no idea. Who did this? Who killed all these people? Was it you? Did you kill all these people, little boy? Shame on you. They're wild fucking animals. I keep a cat, but that's because I can outpower it. [00:15:20] Speaker B: We have domesticated cats living in our house. [00:15:24] Speaker C: Not feral. [00:15:26] Speaker A: I mean, Mochi's pretty feral. [00:15:27] Speaker B: No, she's not feral. [00:15:29] Speaker A: I mean, she used to kill birds and bring them to me. [00:15:32] Speaker B: Yeah, but she's always been. [00:15:36] Speaker A: Like, look at that know white ass cat. [00:15:40] Speaker B: Yeah, he's never killed anything in his. [00:15:43] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:15:44] Speaker B: I still feel so bad. Oh, my God, Courtney. So it's still like a shit ton. And so there were, like, snow drifts out in the backyard, and chatty was, like, meowing at the back door. And so I picked him up and I dropped him in a snowdrift, and I expected him to sink and be cute, and no, he went splat. And I feel so bad. And then Chaiti was super pouty for, like, hours afterwards. [00:16:08] Speaker A: Yeah, he's an honest, poor cat. [00:16:10] Speaker B: I thought he was just going to sink in, like, all those cute somo videos and no, he went splat, and I felt bad. [00:16:18] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:16:20] Speaker B: But then he went outside on the patio and rolled in the snow for a while afterwards. So either way, he's happy. [00:16:30] Speaker A: But, yeah. Is it really our responsibility to take care of the animals? We should just release them all back. If you see an animal, it's like Pokemon. You have to go out and go to their natural habitat if you want to see them. Like crocodile Dundee or Steve Irwin. Steve Irwin is who I was thinking about. He'd go out to their natural habitat just to see them back. Oh, it's magnificent. I love it. He's like, oh, this one's killing me. It murdered me. It's still magnificent. Let it go. Steve Irwin was a gem that we lost. Too fucking soon. [00:17:17] Speaker B: He's waiting on the rainbow bridge he greets your pets when they come. [00:17:23] Speaker A: Well, there's no rainbow bridge. That's from a Marvel movie. That's a bifrost. [00:17:34] Speaker B: The rainbow bridge is where your animals go when they die. [00:17:39] Speaker A: I had a fish. It died. It went into the toilet. I don't know if that's what you're supposed to do. That's what we did. It was a beta fish. I'm like, yeah, it's fucking smaller than a shit. I think it can go. [00:17:56] Speaker B: I don't know. I don't know how my parents disposed of our dead fish. [00:18:00] Speaker A: In the toilet, I'm sure. Or just fed it to the cat. Like, here you guys go. [00:18:06] Speaker B: One time I brought a sea star. [00:18:07] Speaker C: Why would you feed it to the cat? [00:18:09] Speaker A: Because cats love fish. [00:18:10] Speaker C: I don't know what it died of. [00:18:14] Speaker A: Starvation, usually. [00:18:17] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:18:21] Speaker A: When you go away for a week and you're like, oh, yeah, I had a responsibility. Now I don't. [00:18:30] Speaker B: One time my parents just let me pick up, like, a live sea start put it in a bag while we were vacation. And then the poor thing slowly died when I took it home, like, a few days later, back at home, I left it out on the porch to finish drying out. And the feral cats came by and they ate it. They just straight up ate it. What the fuck? [00:18:52] Speaker A: My point remains. If not food, why food shaved? [00:18:55] Speaker B: I just didn't expect cats to eat sea stars. [00:18:59] Speaker A: Yeah. Fucking smells like the ocean. They love that shit. I know, but I was just salt content. [00:19:06] Speaker B: It was an ochre starfish. They're, like, really rough. [00:19:11] Speaker A: See, I love anytime I see nature's metal videos, because I'll just watch nature just being nature. It's like, yeah, look at that lion just fucking eating that zebra as it's still alive, contemplating its life population control. Zebras are dumb. [00:19:34] Speaker B: They're unculuts. [00:19:37] Speaker A: Do they throw up their stomachs? [00:19:41] Speaker B: I don't know if horses can vomit. Okay? I know horses can't vomit. I'm assuming zebras can't vomit. But now I need to confirm that because zebras, like one of the zebras, like, one of the last true horses. [00:19:56] Speaker C: Wait, what? [00:19:57] Speaker A: Yeah, horses can't throw up. They'll just bloat and then fucking blow up. [00:20:04] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [00:20:05] Speaker A: Like, their stomach will rupture, they'll die of sepsis. All kinds of fun shit. That's why fucking vets will put a. [00:20:12] Speaker B: Port in them, and then you get to stick your arm into it. Oh, my God. [00:20:17] Speaker A: Or for cows, I put, like, a little fucking. Little turkey fucking timer thing in them, which I find hilarious. It looks exactly like a turkey timer. It's not, but it just pokes all the way through, and they pull out the center, and then the gas all expels. And I just want to see a video of one of them lighting it on fire as it escapes because it is methane. [00:20:45] Speaker B: All right. Zebras cannot vomit. [00:20:51] Speaker A: Doesn't matter. Crocodiles will get them anyway. [00:20:55] Speaker B: Crocodile hands are cool. [00:20:57] Speaker A: Crocodiles and alligators eating zebras. It's also great. Hippos, assholes. [00:21:03] Speaker B: Hippos. So, actually, whales and hippos are their nearest living relatives. They have the same type of earbone, and their lungs are the same. [00:21:12] Speaker C: Wait, what animal? [00:21:14] Speaker B: Hippos and lions. Not lions. Whales. [00:21:18] Speaker C: Oh, that is so freaking weird. [00:21:22] Speaker B: Pakist went to shrimp. [00:21:24] Speaker A: I mean, I would like a baby hippo for, like, 15 seconds. That's all I need it for. Just, like, to see it little flip its little ears and be all happy, and then it's like, all right, now get it out of here, shoe, shoe. Before it kills me. [00:21:43] Speaker B: Long, floppy ears are always endearing. [00:21:46] Speaker A: They have, like, these little ears that go, yeah, and they're very cute. And I'm like, a video does it justice. I'm like, cool. And then they grow up and shit and fucking fling their shit everywhere. And they're like, this is my area. Everything that shit touches is mine. And then they'll charge you and kill you. I love animal facts. The fact that cows kill more people than sharks do is, like, a great fact. I don't know a single person that's ever died to a cow. I don't know a story about it. Never seen a news story. I look at the news all the time. That's like, part of my job for this podcast is to scroll the fucking news. And I'm sure if a person died to a cow, that would be. I'm, like, fucking clicking. It never has happened. Also, I've never seen a story of, like, someone died to a shark. It's like, oh, this lady got her arm bit off by a shark, and now she's surfing again. You're in the fucking shark's water. You deserve it. If you're in a bullpen, you deserve to get fucking hit by a bull. [00:23:05] Speaker B: Yeah, you're taking that chance. [00:23:09] Speaker A: That's really all that is. But let's go ahead and get on over some fucking news. So the TikTok ban, honestly, I feel like the government has no business being in this. [00:23:28] Speaker B: The fuck is this? [00:23:29] Speaker A: Okay, so you know the app TikTok, right? [00:23:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:23:32] Speaker A: You're aware of it? Everyone is. So China owns it. Bytedance is a chinese fucking company, and the government hates that because China can use it to spy on us. [00:23:48] Speaker C: They kind of are cool. [00:23:51] Speaker A: What are they going to learn? That Americans are fat and useless, stuff like that? No one. [00:23:58] Speaker C: I mean, they've already done it, though. A lot of the children. It introduces dear Anna like bulimic shit to young children, like girls. It's their algorithms are different for the US versus their own children. Yes, their children there don't see any of that bullshit. [00:24:26] Speaker A: Yeah, because their children are too busy building iPhones and being slaves. They don't have time to know. Sit at home. They're out doing things, being active, make laws about Facebook. [00:24:41] Speaker B: And it just didn't go well. [00:24:43] Speaker A: I mean, everyone tries to fucking control what we can and can't do with our own fucking free time and what we can and can't do with our own fucking cell phones. It's like, yeah, I understand sometimes it fucking sucks. But, yeah, go ahead and fucking ban TikTok. I really don't give a shit, honestly. Because anybody that actually has anything worth a fuck on their phone or anybody that is, ban it for those people. Ban it for the Kamala Harris's. Ban it for the people in, like, no one in your house can have, you know, what proof is there that they are actually spying on us? [00:25:34] Speaker B: Well, do they provide proof in the article? [00:25:38] Speaker A: No. Pretty much what is happening right now is the House of Representatives has passed legislation on Wednesday giving TikTok two choices to find a buyer for TikTok that would satisfy the US government or it'd be banned from the App Store. Unfortunately, it already exists, and you can still download it outside the App Store. You can just go online and download it. It just be like, know, third party website and not the actual official App Store. [00:26:18] Speaker B: What did they mean, find a buyer. [00:26:21] Speaker A: So someone to buy the company? Kind of like Elon Musk bought Twitter so somebody else would have to buy. [00:26:28] Speaker B: So they want an american person to buy. [00:26:31] Speaker A: Uh huh. [00:26:32] Speaker B: Okay. [00:26:33] Speaker A: They want an american company to buy TikTok, an Elon Musk type. And honestly, I don't think it's worth anything. It's like, hey, look, fucking a bunch of idiots put out content on a platform that has, like, ten second videos. It's vinyl. [00:26:52] Speaker C: Sell a ton of stuff on there. [00:26:54] Speaker B: Yeah, they do. Yeah, but there's so much misinformation available on it as well. [00:27:01] Speaker A: Yeah, just because you run a drop ship company on TikTok doesn't mean anything. I'm sure there's, like, a few fucking actual independent creators that are selling shit. Find out how to use Twitter. Find out how to use Instagram. Find out how to make a YouTube channel. Go out, promote your shit. Go out, hit the streets. It's not a fun fucking thing to be an independent creator. [00:27:31] Speaker C: So I thought you were for TikTok staying the way it was, and now you're saying, oh, these people shouldn't use it now because of this. [00:27:40] Speaker A: And, no, I mean, like, go ahead and have your fucking TikTok. But it's like, if they're like, hey, Alex, you need know, delete TikTok off your phone. I'm not fucking crying. I'm not out there holding a sign and picketing. Be like, keep it. Bye. I look at cat videos on TikTok. That's it. There is nothing of substance on TikTok that I can't find somewhere else can. [00:28:09] Speaker B: Be a dark hole to stumble down on. [00:28:13] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, nothing good is on TikTok. It's always just dumb people or, like, really weird things. Like, I was on TikTok one day looking at cute cat videos, and then there's the woman with the fucking thrush in her mouth, and I'm like, why the fuck are you eating your yeast infection, you dumb, dirty bitch? [00:28:39] Speaker C: Yeah, so fucking weird people are stupid. [00:28:43] Speaker A: So it's like, yeah, shit like that, get rid of it. Who cares? We're not going to be missing anything. [00:28:52] Speaker C: And they got, like, thrush from it. [00:28:54] Speaker A: Yeah, they got thrush in their mouth, both her and her boyfriend, which is disgusting. It's like, it is wrong to hit women. Most times. There is times where it is right to hit a woman. That's one of those times. Go ahead, hit her. Oh, my God. But, yes, it's going to be. But, yeah, fucking senate has stalled. I think it's just going to die in the senate. I don't think this TikTok bill is really going to go anywhere. I don't think the fucking senate really gives shit. It's just a fucking bunch of Democrats saying, look, we're making a know while they're fucking taking away everything that we like. Honestly, I don't feel like any American at this point in time should ever fucking sell a house. I feel like you should transfer it to another individual and have them take over the mortgage at your current rate and then pay you back. Like, buy you out of however much you put into your mortgage and then beg. Boom, cool. I'll buy your equity based on how much you put in, and then you move out of the house. I'll move in and cool. So it's like, if you paid $50,000 in equity, cool, here's $50,000 for your house, I'll take over the fucking mortgage payments. Because here's what's happening, is banks are fucking, like, foreclosing on houses, and then companies are coming and buying up all the fucking. Then, you know, I see the future pretty fucking clear. It's companies all own every fucking know. Nobody owns their own fucking house. It's kind of like how China is. You don't own the land. China owns the land, and you just lease the land from China. [00:31:10] Speaker B: You owe your soul to the company store. [00:31:13] Speaker A: So pretty much after a time, it's like, hey, guess what? China now owns your house. And for a corrupt government, it's great. But once companies own every fucking house, are going to jack up the rent and make it to where you now work for a company, and they provide you with a house. They're like, hey, you can stay in this house as long as you work for this company. [00:31:46] Speaker B: Coal mines. [00:31:48] Speaker A: Yeah, that's pretty much it. Now you have to stay with the company. So now your health insurance is tied to a job. Now your house is tied to a job. So if you quit your job or want to move on from your job, you have to leave your house. [00:32:05] Speaker B: You'd leave everything. [00:32:08] Speaker A: And it's like, that is fucking horrifying. That fucking future is a really shitty fucking future. So I plan on staying in this house for the next 30 years, purchasing it outright, and then I'm sure people will come up and be like, yeah, we'll offer you a ridiculous sum. We'll give you $500,000 for your house. I'm like, no, they'll be like, $700,000 for your house. [00:32:40] Speaker C: No, you would never sell your house. [00:32:45] Speaker A: It would have to be a ridiculous sum of money. [00:32:50] Speaker B: Really? [00:32:50] Speaker C: Yeah, but the house is so tiny. [00:32:56] Speaker A: Yeah, but it's still my fucking house. I'll rent the house out. If I want to get another house, I'll rent this one out. Fucking go live in another house. [00:33:09] Speaker B: Like, the house is cramped for three people, but it's just right for two. [00:33:14] Speaker C: Okay. [00:33:15] Speaker A: Yeah, it's fucking dope as hell for just me and my wife. I get my office. She gets her drawing room. We get the bedroom and the living room. [00:33:28] Speaker B: It's cozy. It's a cottage. [00:33:31] Speaker A: For us and for another married couple to move in here, maybe have a kid, and it's like, cool. And so, like, I get to, you know, charge them fucking, you know, rent. And since everything else will fucking skyrocket in price, it's like, hey, cool, that's going to be $3,000 a month for the house. And then I'm out there living in the fucking sticks. Well, not too bad of the sticks, but enough of sticks to where I'm comfortable and my wife is comfortable, and we can go buy, like, 40 acres of land. That's my goal. That's my ultimate end goal for my life. That's my life goal, to have 40 acres of land. [00:34:20] Speaker B: Why 40? [00:34:23] Speaker A: Because it's a big plot of land and you can do whatever the fuck you want with it. [00:34:28] Speaker B: But why not, like, 36 or 49? [00:34:32] Speaker A: Because 40 is a nice, round number, and you can buy them in, like, one acre lots, two acre lots, five acre lots, ten acre lots. [00:34:40] Speaker B: I thought acres were squares. [00:34:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:42] Speaker B: So 40 is not round. It's a rectangle. [00:34:45] Speaker A: Well, pretty much everything is. You can have a misshapen piece of land and it's just a unit of measurement. [00:34:58] Speaker C: Yeah, it's like square feet. Even though it's square feet, that's not like you can have a circle. [00:35:08] Speaker A: Can be square feet, too. [00:35:09] Speaker C: Yeah. Square footage is what it's called. So even if it's a different shape, they'll still count the same amount of room. [00:35:21] Speaker A: It's like if a house is l shaped, it's not like, oh, the entire thing is square. Not every house is a square, but, yeah, if I can get, like, 40 acres, put an underground bunker in that bitch. Build a house, have a little dirt pike thing. Kind of like what dragon man's is where it's big ass gun shop, a big ass museum, dirt bikes, paintball, a whole bunch of fun shit. [00:35:55] Speaker B: I'm dead by this point, right? [00:35:59] Speaker A: No. [00:36:00] Speaker B: Oh, God. [00:36:05] Speaker A: But just to be able to be like, hey, yeah, cool. This is, like, my spot. And then if ever I have someone that's like, yo, I'm in a tough spot. Is there any place I can come to crash? I'll be like, yeah, bring your car out here. We'll fucking set you up. And I'd be like, in probably one of the southern states that's, like, warm all the time, so it's not like freezing something like Texas. Like buying 40 acres out in Texas. [00:36:40] Speaker B: I am not moving to Texas. [00:36:43] Speaker A: There's the ocean. [00:36:45] Speaker B: Not in Texas. [00:36:47] Speaker A: Okay, what? Arizona? [00:36:49] Speaker B: Arizona's landlocked. [00:36:54] Speaker A: Nevada? [00:36:55] Speaker B: Nevada's also landlocked. [00:36:58] Speaker A: We're in a landlocked state right now. [00:37:00] Speaker B: I'm aware of that fact. [00:37:03] Speaker A: You understand that you can fucking hop in a plane anytime, you know, and fly to San Francisco and then go see the ocean? [00:37:13] Speaker C: Yeah. Why don't you guys move somewhere near a lake or something? [00:37:16] Speaker A: We have a lake. [00:37:18] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:37:19] Speaker A: We're literally in a flood zone. [00:37:21] Speaker B: We are in a flood zone. When's the last time it flooded? Do you know? [00:37:24] Speaker A: Yeah, I do. [00:37:25] Speaker B: When did it last flood? [00:37:27] Speaker A: Fucking like I thought you knew 30 years ago, and it didn't do any damage to the house. [00:37:35] Speaker B: Even better. Even better. [00:37:38] Speaker A: Trust me. I had to fucking look this shit up for the flood insurance I bought. That's the shit that they don't tell you about buying a house is you have to deal with all the fucking dumb insurances that your mortgage company makes you buy and all the fucking stupid little rules. But I don't have a landlord saying, hey, you can't do this. Or, hey, you can't have a cat, or, hey, you can't. None of that bullshit. That is worth it to me to not have a landlord to be like, hey, I'm going to come through your fucking house randomly and fucking inspect everything. Yeah, fuck that. People are going to realize really quick that it's like, oh, well, you fucking priced yourself out of the housing market. Now no one wants to fucking live here. Now no one wants to work here. So guess what? Now your house prices are fucking crashing and you fucking invested in an investment property that's now hemorrhaging money. And then a fucking company will come up and be like, hey, I'll fucking pay you half of what you bought the house for. It's like, fuck. And then people are going to get fucked and they're going to have to file bankruptcy and all kinds of shit. It's going to be bad. That's going to be when the real depression hits. [00:39:08] Speaker B: We never got out of the depression. We never left. [00:39:11] Speaker A: Yeah, whatever. [00:39:12] Speaker B: We never left. [00:39:16] Speaker A: But onto another story. Speaking about, oh, this is probably why you don't want to move to Texas. This is it right here. Pornhub blocks access to site in Texas over age verification law. [00:39:32] Speaker B: Is this with the super credit card again, or is this a new one? [00:39:35] Speaker A: So the law requires adult websites to verify users are 18 years older or older using a government issued ID. [00:39:44] Speaker B: How do they enforce this? Is this something you can get away with with a VPN? [00:39:50] Speaker A: Probably, yeah. [00:39:51] Speaker B: Okay, then I have a concept of how this works. Continue. [00:39:56] Speaker A: So, yeah. Pornhub and other adult websites have disabled access to their sites in Texas after a recent court ruling upheld the state's new age verification law. A letter posted to its site on Thursday. Pornhub deemed the new Texas law ineffective and dangerous, adding, it'll directly impact content creators ability to distribute their adult content legally. House Bill 118 went into effect September last year. But yeah, there's a bunch of lawsuits. [00:40:36] Speaker B: Oh, of course. [00:40:40] Speaker A: It's like, good, fuck it. People in Texas will still be able to get know now at a fucking premium. And then they're going to realize really quick it's like, oh, fucking VPNs just got all around this quickly. Oh, my gosh. Well, I guess we're kind of fucked. [00:41:04] Speaker B: Yeah, they've done their best, but there are loopholes. [00:41:09] Speaker A: And then they're going to be like, oh, we waste. Like, I want to know how much of the taxpayers money was wasted enforcing something that is easily navigatable. [00:41:22] Speaker B: It's Texas. They're not bright. [00:41:26] Speaker A: Well, this right here is a California type thing. So I feel like a bunch of Californians moved out to Texas, fucking poisoned the well, and made their own fucking bullshit. And now they're like, well, we need to make it to where kids can't see porn. It's like, yeah, I agree. Kids shouldn't be looking at fucking porn. [00:41:49] Speaker B: Yes, agreed. [00:41:53] Speaker A: They should be outside fucking playing Fortnite and having a good time. But at the same time, don't try and track me. If they're like, hey, all we need is an age verification one time, and we'll never track you. It's like, okay, cool, but I don't trust you not to track me. [00:42:20] Speaker B: Hey, Courtney, remember that time when we built a bridge out of planks and moss between two Rock islands? [00:42:27] Speaker C: Yeah. You actually remember that? [00:42:31] Speaker B: It just popped up suddenly. [00:42:34] Speaker C: Yeah. I'm surprised we even did. Quite honestly. That wasn't even our property. [00:42:42] Speaker A: I mean, that's what kids should be doing. Stuff like that, building bridges. Like, literally, as a kid, I would get on my bike, I would come home, finish my homework, and hop on my bike and ride over to my friend's house. And then I'd be like, oh, is Eric out? We'd fucking go out into the woods and fucking play and fucking have stick fights and stuff like that and go explore. Shit, we found a geocache out there one time. [00:43:11] Speaker B: Oh, that's cool as Fuck. [00:43:14] Speaker A: Pee off of rocks and whatnot. Just be kids. Go out and run to the park and go throw the ball around. [00:43:22] Speaker B: There was a cliff face and a buckeye tree and lots of manzanita trees. And there was a pond. [00:43:34] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, like, there was a. [00:43:37] Speaker B: Playhouse and there was the chicken coop, and then there was the backyard on the side where my dad wasn't smart monitoring a fire. And then it got out of control, and we had to call the fire department to come. [00:43:55] Speaker A: Jesus Christ. [00:43:56] Speaker B: Yeah, no. [00:44:00] Speaker A: Yeah. I just looked at my old fucking house, and I'm like, oh, fuck it. It looks God awful now. [00:44:07] Speaker B: I'd go on picnics, and the cats would follow. [00:44:10] Speaker A: What the fuck? There's a pool in the backyard now of my old house. There's, like, a big ass fucking pool back there. [00:44:20] Speaker B: I thought you said it looked like shit. [00:44:22] Speaker A: The front does. The grass is all dead and shit. There's, like, fucking solar panels on the roof that looks like an addition. Like, that wasn't there before. Holy fuck. But I want to know how much this fucking house is worth. [00:44:42] Speaker B: Oh, shit, ton. [00:44:44] Speaker A: I actually know the number. It's like, 1.5 million. [00:44:47] Speaker B: Yeah, I rest my case. [00:44:50] Speaker A: But if you want to know something that would make you throw up, my parents built that house from the ground up. $300,000? [00:45:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:45:05] Speaker A: So it's like, oh, cool. The house was built brand fucking new. $300,000 new construction, and then fucking went up to, like, 1.5 million. I'm sure it's more now because the housing market's gone fucking insane. [00:45:19] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:45:21] Speaker A: Like, there's this guy on Instagram, and he goes around asking old people, how much did you buy your first house for? [00:45:30] Speaker B: Oh, my God. I love these videos. Because they just like, shut the fuck up. Because they're like, oh, shit. [00:45:37] Speaker A: Well, some of them. There's this one lady that's like, $263. [00:45:43] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:45:45] Speaker A: And it's like, oh, so you just bought a house for $263? [00:45:49] Speaker B: Can you imagine that? [00:45:53] Speaker A: Other people were like, yeah, $20,000. I'm like, oh, okay. So just like a car. [00:46:01] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:46:02] Speaker A: I'm like, I'm sure inflation has fucking hit, but I'm sure you weren't making, like, a nickel an hour. [00:46:08] Speaker B: No. [00:46:11] Speaker A: So, yeah, fuck all these old people that say they had it hard. I don't believe a single old person is like, we had it hard. Yeah, maybe you didn't have AC and fans and fucking video games and TikTok. [00:46:25] Speaker B: They had their own trials, and I'm not going to deny that. [00:46:29] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, it was a man's world back in the day. So if you're a white dude in the last 50 years, it was awesome for you. It was awesome. Like any white dude in America, it was a hard time for me growing. It's like, because you're a piece of shit. That's 100% what it is. You were a fucking piece of shit, and that's on you. No one can fucking be like, well, you had it hard. No, you didn't. If you're a white guy, like, in the. You had a hard time. You fucked up. So I'm. I'm on one today. Jesus. Also, the government has more fucking things that they want to get involved in, namely McDonald's, fucking ICE cream machines. So all the fucking McFlurry machines in McDonald's are always broken. [00:47:43] Speaker B: They are. [00:47:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:47:44] Speaker B: I've always gotten ICE cream whenever I went to McDonald's, the amount of times. [00:47:49] Speaker A: I've gone to a McDonald's and it's been like, hey, the machine's broken. [00:47:56] Speaker C: Quite honestly. It's probably because they need to clean it. [00:48:01] Speaker A: Well, no. So now the Federal Trade Commission, the FTC, and the antitrust division, Department of Justice has asked the US Copyright office to exempt commercial soft server machines from the anti circumvention rules of. So they pretty much don't want to fucking put the copyright on ICE cream machines anymore. There's like, make it easy to fucking replace these shit. Which means that there's some fat piece of shit with a fat fucking coat and a big wig in charge somewhere that's like, I want my ICE cream McFlurries when I want my McFlurries. And I kind of respect that. But I did recently go and get myself one of those shamrock shakes from McDonald's. [00:49:08] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:49:09] Speaker A: Doesn't hold up. [00:49:11] Speaker B: I've never had one. Courtney, have I ever had one? I'll get you one if you don't like it. I'm not going to like it. [00:49:18] Speaker A: I said it doesn't hold up. I didn't say I didn't like it. I fucking drink the entire bitch. [00:49:23] Speaker B: Yeah, but you eat a lot of foods. [00:49:27] Speaker C: What is it? [00:49:29] Speaker A: It's a mint ICE cream. You would love it. Actually, for you, it's mint ICE cream. That's just in smoothie form. [00:49:39] Speaker B: I do love mint ICE cream. [00:49:41] Speaker C: Is it the mint shamrock? [00:49:43] Speaker A: McDonald's shamrock shake? Yeah, they don't hold up. [00:49:47] Speaker C: You like it? You'll probably like it, Alex, but it's. [00:49:50] Speaker A: Only available for March, so we'll have to go get it quick. But, yeah, it costs fucking $350 per 15 minutes of servicing. For a tailor technician to fix the. [00:50:08] Speaker B: Machine, that's their hourly fee. That's cheap as fuck. [00:50:11] Speaker A: $350 per 15 minutes. Per 15. So that's $1,400 an hour. [00:50:20] Speaker B: Yeah. That's about what it costs for our x ray technician to come out. [00:50:29] Speaker A: Fucking. I fix it. Tore it down, like, yes, it's easy. One company built a raspberry PI power device, the kitsch, that could provide better diagnostics and insights. And kitsch has sued Taylor for 900 million. But, yeah, honestly, Taylor just needs to fuck off. It's like, either you need to get technicians to fuck on out there, stop being so goddamn greedy, and stop fucking trying to take these places for everything they're worth. Contracts fuck over people really bad. [00:51:10] Speaker B: So we upgraded our x ray system, right? So our old x ray system, there was a local dude we could call, and he would be there within an hour. He charges like, $120 an hour. And he got shit fixed the first time he called out like he was great. Well, we upgraded to a new x ray machine. Now we have to only use their text. They're expensive as fuck for every single fucking hour. And they're fucking rude. And they don't let us do tech support over the phone anymore. They're like, you have to have pay someone come out here before they could be like, okay, can you do this? Can you do this, like, Facetime? [00:51:46] Speaker A: There's a word for that. It's called extortion, which I believe is a felony. [00:51:52] Speaker B: It's so frustrating. [00:51:55] Speaker A: Shit like that should just be, hey, here's a lawsuit. So either you're going to pay this lawsuit and you're just going to fucking take care of our machines for free for the rest of the fucking time and get it done lickety fucking split. Otherwise, just another lawsuit is just going to come fucking hammering down and just bury fucking companies in lawsuits like that. Just fucking greedy, shitty companies. Just bury them in lawsuits to where they cannot sell other fucking machines while they're fucking dealing with these lawsuits. Fuck, I have to pay a lawyer. Fuck after pay a lawyer. Fuck, I have to pay a lawyer. And they're just hemorrhaging money. And they're like, okay, fine, fuck it. What do you all want? It's, like, for you to stop fucking around and finding out. Cool. But, yeah, I hate fucking shitty companies like that. The company that we rent trucks from, I'm not going to point them out, but they're terrible at fixing their own fucking trucks. They're God awful. They don't know how to fucking. No, I won't say they know how to fix their own trucks. They just don't get paid to. Do you need to go pee? [00:53:17] Speaker B: No, my back hurts. [00:53:21] Speaker A: Yes. Why? Fucking chairs are great. [00:53:25] Speaker B: It's what I get for not stretching my back after strenuous activity. [00:53:29] Speaker A: Yeah, the fucking snow came down hard, and I was fucking throwing snow. My back hurts, too. Oh, holy shit. Fucking podcast went by quick, but, yeah, so fuck all that. Let's go ahead and get on to. Am I the assholes and all that shit? Yeah, I can delete all those stories. Yeah. A woman gives birth on a park bait outside Quebec after finding the main door is locked. Yeah, that sucks for her. But that's what happens if you have socialized medicine. But this one is. Am I the asshole from deleted? Am I the asshole for refusing to pay my stepdaughter's tuition because she never liked me? I, female, 39, married my husband, male, 54, six years ago, together eight years. He has two children, male 20 and female, 19. Emma. I have a daughter, female nine. I was a widow when I met my husband. Emma had severe issues with their father, getting married again, while her brother got along very well with me and my daughter. He is the best older brother out there. Emma did not like me, and she treated my daughter very badly too, to the degree that she almost never left my arms when her sister was home. When Emma was 15, she permanently moved to live with her mother. My deceased husband left me a small fortune when he passed that I never touched since I have a good job and never wanted anything more. So last year I helped paying my stepson's tuition. I'm planning to do that with my daughter too. And the rest I will add to my daughter. My stepdaughter. Wait. My deceased husband left me a small fortune. He passed that he never touched. Yeah, I don't think she ever said anything, but yeah, she's not going to fucking pay her stepdaughter's tuition. Stepdaughter now is very angry. Calling me the asshole, am I? I never had a good relationship with her. She always hated me, and I don't think she's becoming a good person. And honestly, I'd rather leave more money to my daughter than pay for her ungrateful ass. My husband is sad because he thinks I'm being unjust. I'm very sad about it, and I don't think I'm the asshole. So, hey, fucking. Here's the thing, op. While your daughter lost her dad, technically, she's going to be sad about that. And your husband's daughter either lost her mom or her mom is fucking out of the picture. Whatever. Divorce can be hard on kids, and she's coping with that. She sees you as the one that is replacing her mom and taking away her mom from her. And I can see how she has some animosity towards you, but yeah, since she wanted to be a bitch the entire fucking time and then demand that you get money, yeah, tough shit. Maybe be nicer to fucking mom, then shit will work out for you. But the update is. Hi, this is my update, and I'm just reading it how it's put. I think this is a text. Hi, Emma. Unfortunately, I have no means to pay for your education, nor do I understand why you'd expect me to. However, I can help you with finding student jobs on evenings and weekends. I know many children doing that, including myself. Wish you good luck. And she said, oh, okay, whatever, bitch. So it's like, yeah, that's just what happens. Tough shit. Not the asshole. She has no claim on your money. She hasn't treated you as family, so you don't have to treat her as family. Don't be too critical on kids. I'm not too critical on kids, especially going through puberty, finding out who the fuck they are, and dealing with fucking everything in their head. That's just what that is. Sometimes shit just sucks. Since you didn't want to have a relationship with me that caused me to be under depression, you wanted nothing from me either. Please correct me if I've assumed wrongly and explained how you think this should work. Yeah, everyone's saying, not the asshole. Not the asshole. Your stepdaughter made her choice against her father remarrying and chose to take that out on you and your daughter. Your stepson clearly could look past, except you being part of a blended family. When your stepdaughter was old enough, she made a choice to leave all of her choices. Kids need to learn that behaviors have consequences, both good and a bad, depending on the behavior. Okay, yeah, I mean, people are just acknowledging that the daughter didn't want the dad to remarry. I'm sure that the daughter had more of a relationship with her mother and that just got yanked out from her. [00:59:59] Speaker B: Divorce is rough. [01:00:01] Speaker A: Don't have kids, don't get married. It's all a sham. But now on to relationship advice by throw RA Comedy 2021 wife, 34, female got into performing stand up comedy a few years ago and I, 32, male, can't take it anymore. It's got to a point that I made up a work emergency tonight so I can skip out on the show, she said, feeling wildly guilty right now because I've never lied to her about something like this before. Majority of the time, the only laugh she gets is from her fellow comedians also performing on that night or for friends family that she brings. She has an Instagram specifically for her stand up, and she is constantly engaging with the trolls, even though I tell her not to. Important point, my wife is freaking gorgeous, so a lot of the negative comments on Instagram are things like they're only laughing because you're hot. It's rambling. It's been years and her performance isn't perform and her performance isn't improving. She does mostly open mics or shows with only 1520 people in the audience. She doesn't make money. She isn't taking one on one coaching classes like I've gently encouraged. I can't keep watching her bomb every other weekend. I am tired of engaging with random weirdos on Instagram. But how the heck do I tell my wife she sucks at her new passion and then crossed it out? And it's like, how the hell do I help my wife improve her skills if she isn't willing to put in the work to make those improvements? [01:01:53] Speaker B: What the fuck is wrong with this dude? [01:01:58] Speaker A: All right, let me talk to you as an open mic comedian. A shitty open mic comedian at that, too. Your wife is probably funnier than I am. Yeah, I'm never in it to make money. I don't give a shit if I do make money. If I don't make money, I have made money, you know, doing comedy. Not much. Not. Not enough to fucking pay any bills. Barely enough to cover my bar tap. Sometimes not sometimes I fucking drink more than I make. But, yeah, sometimes it's just a fucking fun thing that you do. Sometimes it's a passion. She could be crocheting. She could be going out for yoga. She could be going out running, going to the gym. [01:02:55] Speaker B: He's put his definition of progress onto her passion, and now he's disappointed in her not meeting his standards. But also, the first few times I want you to do stand up, and sometimes you bomb. I used to feel, like, really bad or kind of cringey, but then one day I was like, you know what? None of this matters. You are having fun. And actually, that's what's most important to me. So I fucking love seeing you up on stage, whether you're bombing or not. I'm just so excited to see you because you are having fun, and that's the most important thing to me. [01:03:25] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, I've eaten so many hot dicks on stage. [01:03:29] Speaker B: Yeah, no, sometimes it's bad. [01:03:31] Speaker A: So many. I'm like, this one's awful. Please, someone kill me. But that's really what it comes down to. So let's see what the fucking comments say. People don't have to be great in things in order to have fun. Comedy seems like something she's really enjoying, and telling her sucks would only hurt her. That doesn't mean you have to sit through every show like she does. You can support her, but you don't have to go all the time, blah, blah, blah. So, yeah, you don't have to show up to every fucking show she's ever done. You don't have to go to every fucking open mic she ever does. [01:04:15] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't. [01:04:18] Speaker A: My wife has never seen me perform in Durango. And when I went to the comedy club, she didn't go out all those shows. That's fine. There is some fucking bombs. And there were some awful, God awful shows. I remember performing to three drunk people that came in, were eating McDonald's in the comedy club. And I'm like, just to them, and they weren't even paying attention. They're just talking amongst themselves and, oh, man, fuck, it sucks. And so you have to include them just like, doing crowd work. And then they're saying, yeah, and they got up and left. [01:05:17] Speaker B: But that's the whole point. You're having fun. [01:05:22] Speaker A: Yeah, at any point I can walk across a stand up mic, sign up and go up, no problem at all. I'm at that point to where I'm like, I don't know this mic. Can I get up? Can I go introduce myself? No, I can go up. Oh, hey, you run this mic. Hey, is there any shot that I can sign up to get on the mic? Oh, cool. Fuck. I can get like two minutes. Hell, yeah. I'll go up there and do that, and then I'll have to figure out what I want to talk about. Depending if, hey, you get 1 minute, you get five, you get ten, you get 30. You rarely ever get 30, but sometimes you do. But, yeah, sometimes it's just a fucking passion. Sometimes it costs money. There's people that enjoy playing magic, the gathering. There is no money. You spend money to play magic of the gathering. You go and sit in a fucking room with a bunch of sweaty smelling nerds and that's it. And fucking. You spend money and you end up hitting yourself at the end of the night and losing a bunch of money. That's how you play magically gathering. [01:06:40] Speaker B: Op. If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all, or go be. [01:06:45] Speaker A: A fucking better comedian than her. Like, go do that. Go fucking get the one on one coaching and go be a fucking funnier comedian than her. Go show her how it's done if you are so fucking good at it. I see this shit all the time where people are very critical about stand up comedy. Oh, I could be funnier than that. Go do it, then. Go be funnier than that. Go get up on stage. I've seen so many people do their first time on stage. I see those nerves, I see that look in their eye, I see them shaking. I see them fucking glancing at their notes. Oh, fuck. What did I say? [01:07:28] Speaker B: Oh, first time jitters. [01:07:30] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's fucking God awful. [01:07:33] Speaker B: Little babies. First steps. [01:07:39] Speaker A: To fucking improv on the spot and make. Oh, and then someone says something and improv off of that. And it's a fucking difficult ass thing, but it's fun, so let her have her fun. Does she have a fucking job? If she doesn't have a job and you are fully fucking supporting her, that's one thing. If she's like, hey, this is the one thing I want to fucking do. I want to quit my job to go do my passion of stand up comedy. And she's been doing it for a few years and not making any money. Good, that's what happens. Five to ten years, bitch. Get used to it. But that's it. I have to take a fat shit. I'm going to take a piss quick because that shit's coming. Thank you all so much. We'll see you all next week. You can follow me. Instagram, Twitter, all that bullshit out. It's a truck. And we'll see you all fucking next week. Bye. [01:08:54] Speaker C: See you. Bye.