Remember The Goodest

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alrighty, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Human podcast. If you're here again, why, you know, what are you doing? Make better decisions or do crack. I mean, like that. That's the next logical step to do. [00:00:16] Speaker B: Why are you shaming my fan group? [00:00:21] Speaker A: Your fan group? [00:00:22] Speaker B: Yeah, they just listen for me. I'm sure. [00:00:24] Speaker A: I'm sure. Do they not listen to the narcissistic, fucking misogynistic man? [00:00:30] Speaker B: Nope. [00:00:31] Speaker A: Hmm. Dumb. It's a bad decision to make. Make better decisions. But I. [00:00:37] Speaker B: Fan base. Fan base I think is better. I mean, I don't know what these words mean. I got close. [00:00:43] Speaker A: I mean, you can just call them family. [00:00:46] Speaker B: Family. [00:00:49] Speaker A: I like that too. Like family and fans. Yeah, fans of. [00:00:55] Speaker B: Remember I came up with it first. [00:00:57] Speaker A: Or just call it my mom. It's fine. She's like probably the only person that listens. Yeah, cuz you just drink disgusting beers. My wife's cat came in and she's. [00:01:10] Speaker B: Like, uh, he's dissing me. He's mad we didn't have sleep in. Morning cuddles. [00:01:15] Speaker A: No, whatever. But I am Alex, a truck, your host. Whatever, bullshit. I don't care. We got my wife over here as well. [00:01:24] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:01:25] Speaker A: And no Courtney. Because she's adulting. She's adulting. She's like, oh, we'll be there at like noon. And it's 330. [00:01:37] Speaker B: We talked about noon her time. [00:01:40] Speaker A: So. Eleven. Yeah, and just. [00:01:46] Speaker B: She did her best. [00:01:50] Speaker A: She has to, you know, babysitter dad. [00:01:53] Speaker B: Well, no, she's his caretaker. [00:01:55] Speaker A: Yeah, that's babysitter fine. I mean, like, what does a babysitter actually do? Like, the children can take care of themselves for the most part. You're just making sure that if they need anything extra, you're just making sure. [00:02:11] Speaker B: The house doesn't get set on fire. [00:02:13] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. That's all she's doing, really. [00:02:17] Speaker B: Like I'm cat sitting and all I do is I go over and feed them and scoop their litter box and give them their medicine and tell them they're good kitties and that's it. [00:02:25] Speaker A: Yeah. So that's all Courtney does for her dad, you know, like, you're a good kitty, and it's like, I'm your dad. But no, she's doing, you know, what she has to do. So it's just us today and it is Memorial Day weekend. [00:02:48] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting that. [00:02:49] Speaker A: Yeah, we have tomorrow off too. [00:02:51] Speaker B: I always have Mondays off. [00:02:53] Speaker A: I don't normally I go and work a 14 hours shift. [00:02:57] Speaker B: I know. We get to have more time together. [00:02:59] Speaker A: And then I have to, you know, go out and then do comedy or whatever. [00:03:04] Speaker B: You poor thing. [00:03:05] Speaker A: I know. I'm so poor. Don't matter. But it is. Member Berry season. It is time to remember the fun things. Remember when Cuba had nuclear power and we all fucking got underneath our desks because of the cuban missile crisis? [00:03:29] Speaker B: What? [00:03:30] Speaker A: This was the thing, like, you know, where schools, like, have, like, now shooting drills? Like, it's always been one thing or another with every school, you know, like, just the generations. It's like the cuban missile crisis. You just get underneath your desk, like that's gonna protect you from a nuke. I like how she's googling it now. [00:03:50] Speaker B: Although I'm just confused why school shooters even exist in the first place. Like, what is their pool point? [00:03:57] Speaker A: Well, children don't have guns, and they can, you know, like, if they go into a mall and start shooting, you know, people, like, they're gonna get three people deep, and then some fucking redneck is gonna pull out a gun and fucking shoot them. If you go into a school, you know, it's easy shooting fish in a barrel, essentially. Like, when I went to school, we worried about fires. Never once was there a fire. Never even close. Never even, like, a trash fire or anything. It was just, you know, oh, we have to do fire drills. Everyone line up. And it'd be random too. You know, you just be like. You know, when you're not thinking about it, it's like waiting for toast. You know it's gonna come, but the second you start to relax and make. Meh. Maybe we got a little bit. It's, like, just loud as shit. [00:04:55] Speaker B: Okay. I came across this article on Alfred University, and they're listing the reasons, the most common reasons for school shootings. And, like, number three, bullies. Yeah. So that's. So that's so number one is they want to hurt people who've hurt them. Two is bullies. You are correct. Three is they don't value life. Four, they have been victims of physical abuse at home. Five, they have mental problems. [00:05:22] Speaker A: It's all bullies. [00:05:23] Speaker B: Six, it's easy for them to get a gun. Seven, they don't get along with their parents. Eight, they have witnessed physical abuse at home. Nine, obviously, drugs and alcohol. Ten, they don't have any good friends. Back to you. And they see violence on tv all around them, and violence is a way of life in their neighborhood. 13, other kids encourage them to do it. [00:05:43] Speaker A: 14, yeah, I mean, that. That all it is. You can, you know, narrow it down to bullies. [00:05:48] Speaker B: Number 15, they're afraid of their own safety. [00:05:54] Speaker A: So they're retarded. So either it's bullies or the kids retarded and doesn't know how to deal with it. But I'd have to say, like, pretty much every fucking time, you know, there's been, you know, some kids that, you know, fucked with them. It's like, you know what? Fuck everything. You know? They just hit that breaking point and they're like, I'm just gonna go fucking kill as many people as I can because no one here has stuck up for me. So guess what? Consequences. Time for fucking consequences. And they go and shoot up the school, and then, you know, they end up, you know, dying themselves. [00:06:33] Speaker B: Abuse at home is awful. I'm so happy I grew up to be a nice person and not someone who had to express my anger physically on the world. I'm happy. I'm a nice person after what I've endured. [00:06:45] Speaker A: I think about it all the time. I think I'm like, dude, I could kill you right now. I can watch you die. [00:06:54] Speaker B: I'm very happy to be a nice person. It's comfy. [00:06:57] Speaker A: And then, you know, I don't, and I'm like, that makes me a good, good person. I'm getting. [00:07:04] Speaker B: It's not easy to be a good person, but you persevere. [00:07:06] Speaker A: I'm getting into heaven for sure, Z. Oh, fuck that. [00:07:09] Speaker B: If I show up near pearly gates, I'm like, no, where's the escalator? [00:07:14] Speaker A: It'd be hilarious. If you get up to heaven, it's like the ghetto. You get up to heaven and you're like, yo, what up, fam? You made it up to heaven. Hells, yeah. [00:07:25] Speaker B: Hey. Hell, yeah. In heaven, yeah. [00:07:28] Speaker A: It's the ghetto. It's ghetto heaven. It's like, yeah, we got fucking Tupac up in this bitch. We got. [00:07:35] Speaker B: Tupac is still alive. [00:07:36] Speaker A: He's not. He's very not. [00:07:38] Speaker B: He's still alive. [00:07:40] Speaker A: No, like, like, people, like, he's still. Why would he be alive? Why would a black man in his twenties still be alive in California? [00:07:52] Speaker B: I don't know, but whenever I say it, people get angry, so it's fun to watch. It's like saying, tell me my conspiracy theories. God. [00:08:01] Speaker A: It's like saying Michael Jackson is still alive. He's not. [00:08:04] Speaker B: Nah, he's dead. [00:08:05] Speaker A: But what if he was still alive? What if, you know, he just paid somebody to die in the toilet for him? [00:08:10] Speaker B: Wait, I thought it was Elvis who died on the toilet. [00:08:12] Speaker A: I don't know how he died. [00:08:16] Speaker B: I'm pretty sure it was Elvis who died on the toilet. [00:08:21] Speaker A: He could have. I don't keep track of how famous people die. I can't tell you where famous people live. I can't tell you what state. [00:08:29] Speaker B: Yeah, it was Elvis who died on the shitter. [00:08:31] Speaker A: Well, how did Michael Jackson die? [00:08:33] Speaker B: I'm looking that up next. [00:08:34] Speaker A: Why wouldn't you look that up first? [00:08:36] Speaker B: Because I wanted to make sure I was right. [00:08:39] Speaker A: Oh, my God. You could have just looked it up and, like, no, he didn't. [00:08:42] Speaker B: So it was from a heart attack. [00:08:45] Speaker A: So, yeah, he. That could have been somebody else, and then, boom. [00:08:50] Speaker B: Oh. They tried to make it out like it was a homicide, but it wasn't. It was profofo womp womp. [00:08:59] Speaker A: I don't know what that is. [00:09:01] Speaker B: It's a pre anesthetic drug that make kitties fall unconscious. And profovol sucks ass in cats. We only use alvacs. [00:09:10] Speaker A: You understand? It's like me talking about, you know, my fucking engine and back. [00:09:16] Speaker B: This is where you nod and say yes and pretend you're listening the way I do. [00:09:19] Speaker A: It's like, oh, yeah, my fucking. I had to get my s cams replaced because my brakes were going out, and they're being fucking wonky, and my brake jar on them is fucking starting to turn blue, so I had to get that replaced too. [00:09:32] Speaker B: Yeah. So if your clinic uses propofol and cats, you might want to find another clinic. [00:09:36] Speaker A: Yeah. As a normal person, anyway. Hair. What the clinic uses, I just. [00:09:45] Speaker B: You should. [00:09:46] Speaker A: Why? [00:09:47] Speaker B: Cause there are drugs out there that are old and shouldn't be used. Cause there's way better ones now. Like, there's so old school vets out there doing it how it was done, like, 60 years ago, and it's like, ugh. [00:09:57] Speaker A: There's still doctors fucking doing shit like it was 60 years ago. [00:10:00] Speaker B: I know. It's barbaric. [00:10:02] Speaker A: There's fucking people that wave crystals around you and pray for your fucking recovery. They're like, that should cure the cancer right up. [00:10:10] Speaker B: There's a holistic vet up in Denver that some people like to go to, and this shit that they come back with stories telling, they're like, oh, she did this, this, this. And I'm like, how did your cat not fucking die? Okay, well. Oh, actually. Oh, your cat is dying. Kidney failure. [00:10:29] Speaker A: They should just call it kidneys. [00:10:31] Speaker B: I know. They're katnies. [00:10:33] Speaker A: No, kittenies. [00:10:34] Speaker B: They're only kittenies if they're baby kittens. [00:10:36] Speaker A: Okay, well, never mind. But onto the next subject. The one thing I do miss is having, like, a local blockbuster or Hollywood video. [00:10:52] Speaker B: I never had one of those. Isn't that what Netflix is? [00:10:56] Speaker A: Not quite. It was a whole experience to go there. Cause, like, you know, you'd have your movies. [00:11:04] Speaker B: Uh huh. [00:11:04] Speaker A: You know, you'd have the kids section. It was like a library. [00:11:07] Speaker B: Oh, I love libraries. [00:11:08] Speaker A: So it was a library for movies and video games. [00:11:11] Speaker B: Like, in the plastic white containers and make the crackle noises when you snap them. [00:11:15] Speaker A: But we had, like, vhs containers in their sleeves. [00:11:18] Speaker B: No, the plastic ones were so good to chew on. [00:11:22] Speaker A: And so, like, you go in and you'd bring up the sleeve. Cause they'd keep everything behind the counter. Cause people steal, obviously. And then. [00:11:30] Speaker B: Oh, it was like an empty thing. [00:11:31] Speaker A: Yeah. And so there'd be, like, just a wall of them, and then they just hand you the one, and you hand them that, and it's like, there you go. Enjoy watching fucking, you know, toy soldiers or whatever the fuck you took out. It was a long time ago. There's a movie called toy soldiers. It was about this, the military putting, you know, like, creating, like, a super advanced AI chip. And then it gets put into some, like, toys for some fucking reason. Like military toys. [00:12:04] Speaker B: And they're like, military toy. [00:12:07] Speaker A: The, like, Gi Joe's. [00:12:08] Speaker B: Oh, like the doll. [00:12:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:10] Speaker B: Okay, continue. So, like, they have, like, mini, like, tanks running around and shit. [00:12:15] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, they pretty much did, like, in the movie. And then, like, there's, like, another fucking group of, like, weird toys. And, like. Like, the two, like, groups of toys fight. It was a weird fucking movie. [00:12:32] Speaker B: This kind of sounds like the cars. One where the cars are. Yeah, like transformers. This kind of sounds like transformers. [00:12:38] Speaker A: Yeah, but imagine they're tiny. [00:12:40] Speaker B: Imagine, like, I've never seen transformers. [00:12:42] Speaker A: Like, imagine toys, like, the size of a fucking soda can. And, like, they take over a house and, like, capture the adults. [00:12:48] Speaker B: They're like bugs. [00:12:50] Speaker A: It's like Gulliver's travels. [00:12:52] Speaker B: That book was. It was weird. [00:12:55] Speaker A: It is that, but with toys, it was weird. I'm like, how the fuck did you know? All you little guys take over this one big guy. [00:13:04] Speaker B: It's like how elephants are scared of mice. [00:13:08] Speaker A: Yeah, but it was just dumb. And, like, the kid and the other fucking toys, you know, went to go fight them and. [00:13:15] Speaker B: But there were tanks. [00:13:17] Speaker A: I don't think there was tanks. [00:13:18] Speaker B: Aw. [00:13:20] Speaker A: I have to, like, watch it. It was like the nineties. [00:13:22] Speaker B: Okay. When I hear AI, I think tanks, then I think of Sheila. [00:13:27] Speaker A: Let me see. Toy soldiers. Yeah, it was a 1991 movie. [00:13:38] Speaker B: Is it a black and white? [00:13:40] Speaker A: No. [00:13:41] Speaker B: Oh, black and white. There's some absolute gem. Black and white videos. Like, there's some really good movies. [00:13:48] Speaker A: Oh, no, this is a different fucking one. [00:13:51] Speaker B: Oh, you found a remake? [00:13:53] Speaker A: No, no, this was. There's another fucking movie called Toy soldiers, but now I have to figure out what that fucking movie was called. And I'm sure there, you know, there's like, one person listening. Like, it's this fucking movie. [00:14:14] Speaker B: Oh, my God, I want to watch lost world. [00:14:18] Speaker A: But, you know, going into, like, a fucking blockbuster or Hollywood video, like, you would see sometimes see your friends there, like, oh, what are you getting? And, like, you know, you'd have sleepovers and, like, you. And, like, three of your friends would go over and, like, figure out what movie are gonna, you know, rent and what video game you're gonna rent. It was an amazing fucking time. And then they got rid of it and they're like, hey, everyone, buy your own shit. You have to buy it. There no renting anymore. If you want to rent it, you have to rent it from, like, you know, this. And you get it for, like, three days if you don't finish it. Tough shit. It's like red box, but like a store. It was magical as a kid. [00:15:06] Speaker B: I'm sure it must have been. [00:15:07] Speaker A: I'm sure as an adult now it's like, oh, fucking whatever. You know? Now we have Netflix, but we didn't have the Internet back then. We had tv and rarely any movies. [00:15:22] Speaker B: Well, yeah, it's all digital now. [00:15:24] Speaker A: And it's like, man, I want to, like. There's, like, one fucking blockbuster left. [00:15:31] Speaker B: There's one left? [00:15:32] Speaker A: Uh huh. [00:15:34] Speaker B: How? [00:15:35] Speaker A: I'm pretty sure Netflix has a show on it. I think Netflix offered to sell to a blockbuster. The last blockbuster. Oh, it's in Oregon. It's in Bend, Oregon. [00:15:50] Speaker B: Oh, you want to go there when we're in Oregon? [00:15:52] Speaker A: Maybe. No, it closed. [00:15:56] Speaker B: Aw, yeah, this is one. Ah, I have to rent it on Amazon. Oh, well, it'll be worth it. [00:16:07] Speaker A: What? [00:16:08] Speaker B: Oh, lost world. [00:16:11] Speaker A: I'm sure you can find it. [00:16:13] Speaker B: You know, I found it. [00:16:14] Speaker A: Is the blockbuster in Bend, Oregon still open? Oh, it is. [00:16:21] Speaker B: What? [00:16:24] Speaker A: Like, I wonder if I can get, like, a blockbuster card. But yeah, this is what it was like. This right here, look. So it's just shelves of movies and shit. [00:16:35] Speaker B: Oh, so it's like a music store. [00:16:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:16:37] Speaker B: Where it has all the cds up. [00:16:39] Speaker A: Yeah, but they're all empty cases. [00:16:42] Speaker B: Oh, my God. One time I was listening to a rock playlist and I was like, oh, I don't feel this song. So I moved to an EDM playlist and I'm like, oh, I don't like the song. And I moved to a rap playlist, and I was like, oh, I don't like the sound. But every time I moved from playlist, it was literally still the same type of music, same types of notes, same types of rhythm. I literally listened to the exact same sounds, just across genres. Like, there is no. [00:17:07] Speaker A: Nevermind. [00:17:08] Speaker B: How far is it? [00:17:10] Speaker A: 5 hours and 19 minutes. [00:17:12] Speaker B: Holy shit. [00:17:14] Speaker A: Sorry, guys. You're not gonna get a fucking visit from us. [00:17:17] Speaker B: Yeah, no, that's a ten hour round trip. Uh uh. [00:17:19] Speaker A: That's an entire day to go see a fucking place that I've been to before. [00:17:23] Speaker B: Ah, too bad. I wonder if they have a virtual tour on Google Earth. [00:17:30] Speaker A: Just go to a library and close your eyes. Or squint them a little bit. Use a little bit of imagination. If you were there, you were there. What? Nothing like doing this with your. [00:17:43] Speaker B: Oh, I'm just making sure the cord doesn't touch my skin. Cause it shocks me. [00:17:47] Speaker A: There's no way it shocks you. [00:17:49] Speaker B: It tingles and burns. I don't know what else to tell you. Cards have always hurt my skin. I'm sorry. [00:17:57] Speaker A: So you can just go like this and just, like, have it back? [00:18:00] Speaker B: Well, no. Then I'll have two different sounds coming from two different ears, and I'll be disoriented. [00:18:05] Speaker A: I mean, this. This has pretty accurate, you know, you. [00:18:10] Speaker B: Forget I'm only brains all scrambled. Things are not as they once were. [00:18:17] Speaker A: But, yeah, I mean, we had, you know, you'd go to fucking blockbuster, rent fucking, you know, star wars, make all the new movies out, you know, and have like, ten of your friends come over to your place, and you'd all be in the living room watching it on a tiny screen. [00:18:33] Speaker B: What's the first video you remember watching? [00:18:40] Speaker A: Probably Pokemon. [00:18:43] Speaker B: I never saw a single episode of Pokemon. [00:18:46] Speaker A: There's so much backstory now. Like, I watched the first generation, and then it all ended up with a giant fight with Mew and Mewtwo. And then Ash gets in the middle of it and gets immediately killed. Oh, and then all the Pokemon start crying because their slave master died. [00:19:07] Speaker B: Yeah, no, he's kind of their king, but, like. [00:19:09] Speaker A: And then their tears bring him back to life. [00:19:13] Speaker B: Okay, that's. I'm sorry, that's lame. [00:19:16] Speaker A: But you got an ancient mew card out of it. And like, that. That was. [00:19:19] Speaker B: Oh, he got Benny's from dying. [00:19:22] Speaker A: No, no, no. Like, if you went to the theater to go see this movie. [00:19:26] Speaker B: Oh, okay. [00:19:27] Speaker A: You got a card, like, in a little plastic thing. Called Ancient Mew. It was holographic. It was ancient mew. [00:19:34] Speaker B: Did you lose it? [00:19:35] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Aw, yeah, I've lost everything. All my Pokemon cards is brutal. [00:19:41] Speaker B: I'm so sorry, ancient mew. [00:19:45] Speaker A: Let me see how fucking much ancient mew is now. Oh, it's a dollar 26 card. I could have gotten my money back, but, yeah, I'm not gonna. Yeah, I don't care. You know, like that. That's the brutal part about it. It's like, you know, people my age are paying for nostalgia now. Like, I want a laserdisc player, and I want the giant fucking laserdiscs. Did you ever have a laserdisc player? [00:20:20] Speaker B: Uh, I don't know what that means, so I can't tell you. [00:20:23] Speaker A: So it's a giant dvd? Like, bigger than a record? [00:20:28] Speaker B: Bigger than a record? [00:20:30] Speaker A: Bigger than a record. And it's a dvd that you have to flip over, you know, like, halfway through. [00:20:38] Speaker B: It fits. [00:20:39] Speaker A: Well, not in a regular dvd player. There's a giant fucking machine. [00:20:43] Speaker B: They have a special player for the special disc? [00:20:45] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:46] Speaker B: Did I once see one advertised in a box? [00:20:51] Speaker A: Probably not, huh. But yeah, I mean, like, they're just giant fucking. [00:21:04] Speaker B: What the fuck? [00:21:05] Speaker A: Yeah. Huge. And it's a huge machine. And you put them in and, like, the one. I had it, like, automatically had one. Yeah. [00:21:14] Speaker B: You had the player for it? [00:21:15] Speaker A: Yeah, my dad did. He was a teacher. Let me get that straight. My dad had it. [00:21:23] Speaker B: All right, this makes more sense. [00:21:25] Speaker A: And, like, pretty much every teacher had it. Cause it was gonna be the next big thing. [00:21:29] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:32] Speaker A: And, like, there was no chapters. You couldn't, like, skip through the chapters. It was just fast forward or rewind. And you didn't have to rewind the desk. [00:21:40] Speaker B: Okay, so was this literally just the vhs? [00:21:42] Speaker A: It was a vhs without having to rewind it at the end. [00:21:47] Speaker B: It was fun to rewind it. [00:21:49] Speaker A: It was a record. Let's just put it like that. You know how, like a record, you don't have to, like, rewind it. It's just like that. And then, like, you flip it over to side b and, like, new music starts playing. [00:22:00] Speaker B: I love my records. [00:22:01] Speaker A: So, yeah, it was that. And it got discontinued in September 21, 2001. [00:22:08] Speaker B: I wonder if my record player still works. [00:22:11] Speaker A: Oh, man. Like, right after 911, they're like, no, the fucking, you know. Oh, they discontinued the films in September 24. So, like, ten days after, like, the tragedy of 911, they're like, what year was 911? 2001. [00:22:29] Speaker B: Okay. [00:22:31] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:32] Speaker B: My sense of time is extremely distorted. [00:22:36] Speaker A: How fucked up would it be if I got that wrong? [00:22:40] Speaker B: Mm. Mm. I grew up hearing about the Pearl harbor for my grandpa. Cause he was there when it happened and he lived. Okay. So according to him. So he was part of. He was part of the Navy force at that point. And so they. And so they saw planes coming in and because they were flying kind of weird because, you know, they had a very dark purpose. But my grandpa and his crew saw them and they just thought it was the air force being, like, weird. They just thought it was like, the air force fucking around their planes. They're like, ahaha, that's funny. And then they started dropping bombs. I shouldn't laugh at it, but that's what my grandpa told me. [00:23:24] Speaker A: You know what's fucked up is he was there, watched it happen, and they still didn't get him. Means they were probably terrible at dropping the bombs. [00:23:31] Speaker B: No, my grandpa was, like, bulletproof. He went through both world wars and the Vietnam war. He was missing a finger. But that wasn't from any of the wars. That was one time with an accident with a buzzaw. So after that he used to, like, play it up like it was a war story. But I was like, grandpa, I was there when it happened, so. No. [00:23:52] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean. [00:23:56] Speaker B: I missed my grandpa. [00:23:59] Speaker A: Yeah. The Japanese didn't really do. It's like, hawaii is like, one of the easiest places is. Yep. Gone, and they just couldn't accomplish that. And it's like, I'm sure the rest of the world, like, looked at that and it's like, really? Japan? Really? Okay, so you can't take out Hawaii. [00:24:19] Speaker B: Well, no, you don't understand. That trip was mind blowing because back then, like, they didn't have, like, they didn't have, like, efficient air, like, fucking planes the way we do now. So, like, the concept of having enough gas with those very fuel inefficient machines being able to fly from Japan, Hawaii was first thought to be impossible. Like, it was that. Like, that was like, oh, big dick energy. These people can fly this far on planes. Oh, fuck. That's how that went. Like, they made a statement and it was bold and terrifying. And now they have anime and hello Kitty and everyone's like, oh, I wonder. [00:25:00] Speaker A: If they, like, shit themselves in the plane. Like, it's just like a long trip. Like, fuck, I wish I shit before I left. [00:25:06] Speaker B: I don't know how long it took. [00:25:10] Speaker A: It seems like a very google able question as well. Let me see if my. How long does it take to get from Japan to Hawaii by plane? [00:25:25] Speaker B: Okay, but you have to specify what type of plane. Like, not like, our jet feelers like a war plane in that period. [00:25:33] Speaker A: I know, but fucking now, today, 7 hours and 19 minutes, it's like that. That's a fucking, like, even with advanced technology, that's still a long fucking time. [00:25:46] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:46] Speaker A: You know, it's like, I wonder if, like, like one of them was like, oh, man, if I forgot to shit, I. Oh, man. Shall you turn around? Oh, emperor will be so mad. [00:25:56] Speaker B: Well, no, they can't turn around. I don't think they were able to make a trip back. [00:26:00] Speaker A: No, that's why they come. They're kamikaze pilots. [00:26:03] Speaker B: Yes, because that's as far as our field could take them. Like, there wasn't going to be enough fuel for the right. For the right back. [00:26:09] Speaker A: I wonder if, like, some of them just, like, didn't get enough fuel to start with and, like, just crashed in the ocean. Could be like, the one guy's like, I have the biggest bombs. I have all the bombs. You guys are just gonna be my support. And they're like, fuck, he didn't have enough fuel. He got halfway and crashed in the ocean. [00:26:29] Speaker B: Imagine believing in something so deeply that you would die for it. I find that completely mind boggling. Like, how would you have that much passion to die for it, to give your life up? [00:26:43] Speaker A: I mean, if I told you, you know, do you believe in me? And then, like, I'm like, hey, you need to do this. [00:26:52] Speaker B: Like, asking me to die for you. Yeah, it would depend. [00:26:58] Speaker A: What if I'm like, hey, you need to go do this. And this will save all the kitties in the world? [00:27:03] Speaker B: Then obviously I will go do that. [00:27:06] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:07] Speaker B: Oh, but in my opinion, I'm serving a greater purpose, which is the betterment welfare for all kitties. Okay, so I watched the new fucking the last Airbender series, right? And at one of the scenes, Aang asked, fucking what's his face? The best grandpa ever. He was asking him why fucking fire Lord was like, starting the war. And he said, I'm going to paraphrase dreadfully here. But he said, basically something along the lines of, someone feels that world peace can only be achieved under his rule. And I've thought about that ever since. Like, obviously they're attacking others. Obviously they're attacking and taking over. But on their end, do they see it as their own version of world peace? Because I, too, aspire for world peace, but I'm not willing to use violence to achieve it. But other people are. You know, like, it's not just like it's about control, but it's also about world peace under your rule, if you're a good person. Although I don't think a single ruler can be. World peace cannot be achieved under a single ruler. It's impossible. [00:28:23] Speaker A: It can. [00:28:24] Speaker B: Nah. Once there's a system of one man higher than the other, it completely topples everything. [00:28:34] Speaker A: So I'm looking at an infographic of the 911. [00:28:37] Speaker B: I know this is cool. [00:28:39] Speaker A: Apparently there's 353 planes involved. [00:28:42] Speaker B: Whoa. [00:28:49] Speaker A: And yeah, it's 610 am. [00:28:56] Speaker B: Yeah, my grandpa just thought it was the air force doing something funky. [00:29:01] Speaker A: Oh. They took off of aircraft carriers. [00:29:04] Speaker B: Oh. [00:29:05] Speaker A: 200 miles. [00:29:06] Speaker B: I thought they flew all the way. I am clearly misinformed. To continue. Educate me. [00:29:12] Speaker A: So, yeah, 29 planes lost in the attack, so 29 of them suicided. [00:29:21] Speaker B: Okay. How far did the planes fly from the airship? [00:29:25] Speaker A: 200 miles. [00:29:26] Speaker B: 200 miles. And how long did that take? Do they have that? [00:29:29] Speaker A: Um, well, it took like an hour and 45 minutes. [00:29:36] Speaker B: Well, shit. I argued so passionately over completely in factual information. I apologize to everybody. That was my bad. Ugh. [00:29:49] Speaker A: So it's like, yeah, yeah, I never even thought that they just bring him over on a boat. [00:29:55] Speaker B: I never thought that either. I just thought they flew. [00:29:58] Speaker A: I thought, like, just the Japanese were just that stupid. [00:30:02] Speaker B: I was like, no, look at these bamp ass motherfuckers on their own side of achieving real peace. Nah. [00:30:09] Speaker A: Yeah. Now that I think about it, the planes could have never made that fucking absolutely gone. [00:30:15] Speaker B: What the fuck? Our eyes have been open. The scales have fallen. I love being educated with true factual information. [00:30:23] Speaker A: So, best day ever. But, yeah, it is Memorial Day, and the people that need to remember can't because they're all old. [00:30:32] Speaker B: Wait, is Memorial day for Pearl harbor? Or are we on the wrong holiday for that? Is there even a holiday for Pearl harbor? [00:30:38] Speaker A: I'm sure there is. [00:30:39] Speaker B: I feel like there's, like, an acknowledgement day. So what's Memorial day for? [00:30:43] Speaker A: For people that have served. Oh, and, like, died. [00:30:46] Speaker B: Okay, so it's still for dead people. [00:30:48] Speaker A: Yeah. Remembering, you know, the people that have lost their lives serving in the military. [00:30:54] Speaker B: This is just a reinforcement of the few dying glory. [00:30:57] Speaker A: Now I have to fucking look it up. Cause I don't know now. I don't know nothing. [00:31:01] Speaker B: I know my foundation has been shaken. It's any. [00:31:04] Speaker A: What is Pearl harbor? Or, God damn it, what is Memorial Day for? [00:31:14] Speaker B: According to Wikipedia, Memorial Day, originally known. [00:31:17] Speaker A: As Decoration Day, is a federal holiday. [00:31:19] Speaker B: In the United States for honoring and warning the us military personnel who died. [00:31:23] Speaker A: While serving in the United States armed forces from 1868 to 1970. [00:31:28] Speaker B: It was observed on May 30. Why were there poppy seeds? [00:31:31] Speaker A: What? [00:31:32] Speaker B: Why were there poppy seeds on the base? [00:31:34] Speaker A: I don't know. Probably because it was something weird. [00:31:40] Speaker B: Oh, okay. But these puppies. What the fuck are those? Oh, are they like morning flowers for Memorial Day? Oh, flowers? [00:31:51] Speaker A: Yeah, like when their heads popped from getting hit by sniper fire. You know, the flowers pop. Poppy seeds. Or. It's like your. It's your dad. It's your poppy. [00:32:06] Speaker B: Oh, shut the fuck up. [00:32:07] Speaker A: Ah. All right. Well, let's get into a little bit of fucking news. So I saw this fucking story, and it's a short fucking story, but it's. [00:32:21] Speaker B: You've read the whole thing? [00:32:22] Speaker A: Yeah, of course. So a priest in Orlando. It's a Florida man story. Of course. So he was doing communion, you know, and, like, the fucking stories, you know, garbage here. So I'll paraphrase it. And he was just, you know, passing out the wafers, you know, the Lord of God be with you, whatever. And he's, like, putting them in their mouths, and so, like, he has the bowl here, and he's like, you know, handing him out, and. And the lady goes to, like, grab into the fucking bowl to grab, like, some fucking little Jesuts, if you will. [00:33:02] Speaker B: That was good. [00:33:03] Speaker A: And because I guess she was hungry, and the priest or the pastor or fucking whatever the fuck he is, the father bites her. Just chomps down on her and fucking, like, the fight breaks out. Yeah. So, like, he goes in and, like, she, like, the priest, like, pulls, like, a cat move, and he's like, eh. And bites her arm. Doesn't break skin, doesn't make her bleed. [00:33:29] Speaker B: Well, good. That means no rabies. [00:33:31] Speaker A: But, you know, she's like, look at my. I have a thing here. And it's, like, just, like, slightly red. [00:33:36] Speaker B: What the fuck? [00:33:38] Speaker A: And, you know, I'm so confused. [00:33:40] Speaker B: Is there footage of this? [00:33:41] Speaker A: It's shitty footage. It's terrible, awful footage. [00:33:44] Speaker B: Oh, my God. I don't understand how this could physically happen. [00:33:47] Speaker A: Like, this is her fucking bite mark here. But, like, you know, the footage that they give you, you know, is, you. [00:33:58] Speaker B: Know, just that video of another video. [00:34:02] Speaker A: Yeah. Video of a phone. I'm like, you fucking boomer pieces of shit. [00:34:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:07] Speaker A: And so the priest is sitting there. That's the priest? That's him. [00:34:11] Speaker B: How do I know it was gonna be an old white man? [00:34:14] Speaker A: Of course it is. I mean, you know, like, the fucking ladies, you know, just, like, hispanic lady. Like. See? Like, that's her fucking bite mark. [00:34:27] Speaker B: Yeah. That's fucking weird. [00:34:31] Speaker A: But, like, her face is all blurred out. [00:34:32] Speaker B: Well, yeah. [00:34:33] Speaker A: And so like, he's like, I was just trying to stop her from desecrating fucking Jesus. And, like, he fully admitted to doing it. [00:34:42] Speaker B: What? [00:34:43] Speaker A: Yeah, he's like, I was just trying to stop her from desecrating fucking the Lord's body. Like, what's wrong with that? [00:34:50] Speaker B: What the. [00:34:50] Speaker A: I'm. I'm a good guy here. I'm here for God. [00:34:53] Speaker B: No, you're not. [00:34:55] Speaker A: And it's like, it'd only been better if he had, like, a squeaky voice. He has a normal fucking white man voice. [00:35:01] Speaker B: Well, duh. [00:35:03] Speaker A: So. But, yeah. The diocese of Orlando defended his actions as an attempt to preventive. Prevent an act of desecration. Better than catholic priest? [00:35:21] Speaker B: Well, yeah, if you say diocese, that means catholic and Saint cloud. [00:35:25] Speaker A: I don't know. Yeah, I was raised Catholic. [00:35:29] Speaker B: It's, like, levels up to Pope hood. [00:35:31] Speaker A: Basically, but St. Thomas Aquinas Catholic Church. Father Fidel Rodriguez. Yeah. You know what? Those fucking Mexicans are wild. Don't fucking put them in charge of shit. They'll just start biting everything. I hope they get married. I hope, like, this young dude gets kicked out of the church. He's like, hey, we can cover up buttfucking children. We cannot cover up you biting a woman on camera and then admitting it. [00:36:02] Speaker B: So she came back a second time for the communion. [00:36:07] Speaker A: What? [00:36:08] Speaker B: Yeah, so it says 10:00 a.m. service. And then she returned for the second mass at noon to, again get food, which is. [00:36:20] Speaker A: It's terrible fucking food. [00:36:22] Speaker B: It is. [00:36:23] Speaker A: You meant, like, she, like, went back. I'm like, yeah, no, she went to two of the services. [00:36:27] Speaker B: Yeah, no, when it's, like, the true unleavened bread, like, body of Christ stuff. It's nasty. Yeah, it tastes like. I don't know what the fuck's wrong with it, but it tastes like licorice, and I hate it. [00:36:37] Speaker A: I like the round ones. They have, like, little cross, you know, buried in them. [00:36:41] Speaker B: The fuck is that? [00:36:42] Speaker A: They're actually pretty tasty. [00:36:44] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:36:45] Speaker A: Like, they're like rice paper, essentially. Yeah. I mean, okay. Like, if I had a choice of snack, it would not be my first choice, but, you know. God damn, I do love that. And for our next story, because y'all fucking love God so much. A us missionary couple were among three people in Haiti that got killed. [00:37:13] Speaker B: White saviors. [00:37:14] Speaker A: Yeah. Look at them. Just like fucking white people. Yes. But Natalie Lloyd, 21, and her 23 year old husband, David Lloyd, and Jude Montice, a 20 year old Haitian, were ambushed by gunmen as they left a church. I have to say this. Do not go to dangerous fucking areas. Let them fucking just kill everyone out there and let them just have their fucking wild ways and then drop a nuke on them. Boom, problem solved. Or when they're like, hey, we need help because this other country is invading us with fucking military force, and all we have is, like, rocks and a couple ak forty seven s and fucking gang mentality. Can you help us? No. [00:37:59] Speaker B: Okay. I don't give a fuck that they died. This is white shavier shit. This is like, you do stupid shit, win stupid prizes. I see them as the invaders, not the victims. I don't feel bad for these people at all. They had no business being there. It's disgusting. [00:38:19] Speaker A: So, yeah, I mean, that sucks. Um, but, yeah, don't fucking go to wild fucking areas. It's like, I'm gonna go into a lion's den and fucking, hopefully reason with the lion. Oh, no, it's eating me. Where did I go wrong? [00:38:38] Speaker B: One time, we prepared, like, a gift box for, like, missionaries out in some country in Africa. And, like, everyone got, like, a chance to, like, add a few things, and there was, like, a list of requested items, and one of them was ketchup. Because it was the best way to get the kids to ease the food they ate, there was for them to douse it in ketchup. So they needed, like, a ton of ketchup. And as someone who eats ketchup as the main dish with proteins as the side, I understand that view of life. Ketchup is life. It's like my chipotle. [00:39:12] Speaker A: Speaking of dangerous black things. [00:39:15] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:39:16] Speaker A: I know. I purposely, like, set that fucking. [00:39:20] Speaker B: You think you're so funny. [00:39:21] Speaker A: I'm pretty goddamn good. [00:39:22] Speaker B: Sure. [00:39:23] Speaker A: Family stricken with rare brain worm after eating uncooked black bear. [00:39:28] Speaker B: No fucking shit. [00:39:32] Speaker A: So, yeah. In the summer of 2022, a family gathered in South Dakota for a reunion that included a special meal, kabobs made with the meat of a black bear one of the families had harvested from northern Saskatchewan, Canada, that may. Remember, it's summer, so it's a couple months out. Lacking a meat thermometer, the family assessed the doneness of the dark colored meat by eye. How many times have you cooked black bear, idiot? At first, they accidentally served it rare, which a few family members noticed before a decision was made to recook it. [00:40:16] Speaker B: Oh, my God. My people are so stupid. [00:40:19] Speaker A: They all fucking went back home. But days later, family members began falling ill. A 29 year old dude in Minnesota sought care for a mystery illness marked by fever, severe muscle pains, swelling around his eyes, high levels of infection fighting white blood cells, eosinophilias and other laboratory abnormalities. [00:40:46] Speaker B: Basophils and fucking triangle cells. Crenation. I'm okay. Please, please tell me this is trichinella. Please tell me. [00:40:57] Speaker A: Trichinella. [00:40:58] Speaker B: Boom. [00:40:59] Speaker A: Nematodes, roundworms. These dangerous parasites are found worldwide and embedded in the muscle fibers of various carnivores and omnivores, especially sheep. But it's quite rare to find them in humans in North America because our. [00:41:15] Speaker B: World'S too clean and we only eat meat from a market, so we know nothing. Look at it. It's so pretty. I love worms. They're the best thing ever. [00:41:30] Speaker A: You know? And, like, I wish, like, this ended up horribly, but it didn't. Like, you know, the. You know, they're ranging from ages from twelve to 62. Three of them were hospitalized, including the twelve year old. Four of the six people that eaten the bear meat, well, only two ate vegetables and were cooked alongside the meat, cross contaminated. You know, they. The CDC obtained the leftovers from frozen samples of the bear meat, which revealed moving larva. [00:42:05] Speaker B: Yeah, no, trichinella. They're like, freezing. [00:42:08] Speaker A: A species that is resistant to freezing. [00:42:10] Speaker B: Yeah, freezing doesn't kill them. [00:42:14] Speaker A: Yeah. They were treated with antiparasitic drug pyrantol. [00:42:19] Speaker B: Maybe some praz. [00:42:21] Speaker A: This one here, they treated them with albentidol and they recovered. [00:42:27] Speaker B: Fuckers. That shit tasted nasty. [00:42:29] Speaker A: The remaining three cases, fortunately recovered without treatment. [00:42:33] Speaker B: Yeah. Your body has eosinophils designed to attack parasites, which is cool as fuck. [00:42:39] Speaker A: So white people. Stop doing white people shit and getting yourselves nearly killed. [00:42:46] Speaker B: This is 100% their fault. I'm sad. I'm sad people didn't die. [00:42:51] Speaker A: Yeah. No, well, I mean, that would be sad if the twelve year old died, but it's like 62 year old. Fuck him. [00:42:58] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. He definitely should have died. [00:43:02] Speaker A: And so this one is just, like, essentially just a title. California to legalize human composting by 2027. [00:43:11] Speaker B: Ah, fuck. Yeah. [00:43:12] Speaker A: That's pretty much all it says. Yeah. There's, like, a few other words. [00:43:16] Speaker B: Oh, thank God. That's amazing. I am here for this. [00:43:21] Speaker A: California. I hate to bring this up. You already fucking put people on the ground. [00:43:27] Speaker B: No, no. This allows them to be buried without the coffin. [00:43:32] Speaker A: Yeah, just. Just fucking return the coffin. Get the coffin from Costco. [00:43:36] Speaker B: Coffins are expensive. [00:43:39] Speaker A: Well, here's the great thing about Costco. Costco has, like, a money back, like, a guarantee on returns. So what you do is you go to Costco, order a coffin. I don't know if they have coffins. About? I'm finding out, you know, does Costco have coffins? Get dead for less and then, like, after, you know, the whole thing and, like, they're like, hey, we're gonna bury him. I can't. Just give me a second and, like, crack open the coffin and then fucking, like, dump their body out and then fucking just, you know, take the cost the casket back to Costco. [00:44:14] Speaker B: Oh, what's the video where it sees, like, dudes are, like, carrying, like, a fucking, like, fucking whatever coffin. Then the bottom breaks out and the body rolls all the way down the hill into the lake? [00:44:24] Speaker A: Well, no, that's from a show. Yes, that's from. I think you should leave. [00:44:29] Speaker B: Yes. I love that show. [00:44:31] Speaker A: It's called coffin floppers. [00:44:33] Speaker B: It's a good show. Oh, yeah. Cause they're trying to make it serious and they're trying to act like it's. [00:44:37] Speaker A: Not fake and they're all naked. Yeah, it's like, why would we put naked people in coffins and have the bottom break out? We're just there filming. [00:44:48] Speaker B: Okay, Costco does sell coffins, but you have to call and make an appointment. You can't just like, be like, yo, I want to. I want, like, a coffin. Like, you have to. [00:44:56] Speaker A: Yeah. Why would they have it in their stores? Like, what are you gonna be like, oh, I need some chicken. I need a fucking 52 gallon barrel of fucking, you know, lard. Oh, and I need a coffin cuz I'm gonna kill myself later. [00:45:09] Speaker B: I would have expected it to be on the, like, next to the beds, dad, be perfect. It was next to the beds. [00:45:16] Speaker A: Just, like, go to, like, the bed section bag. We got coffins and beds. I'm like, let me feel that coffin. Oh, this is actually kind of nice. And, like, it, like, has a lid that closes. It's like, like a little hydraulic lid. It's like, I'm a vampire. Yeah, we dope. It's not a bad idea. You know, I'm sure, like. Like, I want to start making coffins for, like, goth people. Just like, making, like, the bottom, like, a bed, like, comfortable as shit. And then when you die, you can just take the coffin and be like, boom, it's already fucking done. Just, you know, take that coffin. Bury that bitch. This is a brilliant idea. This is brilliant because I feel like I can make a decent fucking coffin for, like, a $1,000. It would be, like, the size of a twin size bed, so it wouldn't be very big, you know, but it's like, for all those people, they're like, I'm a vampire. [00:46:10] Speaker B: One of my co workers at my last job, they what the fuck is the car? Is it called. That holds a coffin called a hearse? Yeah. So she had a hearse, but she had a coffin in the back. But it was like one of those automatic ones, like if we buy in Halloween adoration, it pops up and stuff. And so whenever someone was tailgating her or something, she would turn it on. So the coffin would open and a body would, like, jerk up for a second. [00:46:32] Speaker A: That's hilarious. That's great. [00:46:34] Speaker B: She was amazing. I miss Deirdre sometimes. Not often, but sometimes. [00:46:40] Speaker A: I mean, I killed deers for a living, essentially. [00:46:45] Speaker B: I don't care about herbivores. I don't respect them. [00:46:49] Speaker A: And, you know, Texas is getting fucking weird. This is proof that California is moving into Texas. Austin's hippie culture thrives as a top naked gardening center or city. So they have a new hobby, which is nude gardening. Austin was named one of the top cities in the US for naked gardening. Turns out gardening in your birthday suit sometimes helps people, you know, become one with nature. I thought this was like a fucking place that you go and it's like a nudist colony. Nope, it's just fucking people, you know? You know, gardening in the new. Probably in their backyard, but still, you know, and it's like, ugh. But, you know, Miami, Philadelphia, New York, Austin, Asheville are the top cities for new gardening, all of which have lax laws or no God lawsuit when it comes to public nudity. [00:48:01] Speaker B: Where the fuck is Asheville? [00:48:04] Speaker A: Fucking? I don't know. I like how, like, all these other ones are like, yeah, these are big cities. Let's see. I can. North Carolina. [00:48:15] Speaker B: It's warm enough to go naked. [00:48:16] Speaker A: It's warm enough to go naked pretty much anywhere as long as it's summer. [00:48:20] Speaker B: I thought North Carolina was like one of Vermont or some shit. And it's like, chronically encased in iron. [00:48:26] Speaker A: I mean, like, no, North Carolina. [00:48:28] Speaker B: I don't know if Carolina is. [00:48:29] Speaker A: That's where Ben lives. [00:48:30] Speaker B: Are they one of the states who voted for slavery or one of the states who fought for slavery? [00:48:35] Speaker A: No, I think they fought against it. [00:48:37] Speaker B: Okay. [00:48:40] Speaker A: But yes. So if you want to go fucking do some nude gardening, go to Austin, fucking bring your California energy out there, and hopefully people don't shoot you to death. [00:48:51] Speaker B: I want to say something political, but I want my life to be fun. So let's move on. [00:48:56] Speaker A: Okay, so now onto am I the asshole by a where lifeguard 3500. Am I the asshole for refusing to move certain foods from my house because my husband's friend is allergic. My husband's friend and I recently moved in the same neighborhood as his childhood best friend, Steve. Steve is allergic to nuts. These nuts and leg mes. [00:49:27] Speaker B: Legumes. [00:49:28] Speaker A: Legumes and soy. Well, hopefully this guy dies because of this. My husband wants to have a rule that we're not allowed to have nuts in the house in case he comes over. [00:49:38] Speaker B: But legumes and soy is fine. [00:49:41] Speaker A: No, he's allergic to all nuts, legumes, and soy. [00:49:44] Speaker B: So he just wants the nuts to put away. He doesn't care about the other two, probably. [00:49:48] Speaker A: Yeah, I think this is it. Well, also, I've never had a legume in this fucking house. [00:49:54] Speaker B: It's edamame and beans and that kind of stuff. [00:49:57] Speaker A: Okay, so I've never had a legume in this house. I think it's a dumb rule, and I refuse to comply. I did agree that I'd keep my nut based products in a separate container, but my husband thinks that this isn't enough. I'm allergic to wheat, and we still have it in the house. I think it's unnecessary. I don't know the extent of Steve's allergies, but I do know it's not immediately life threatening. He doesn't carry an epipen. Also, he works in food service and frequently handles nuts. [00:50:26] Speaker B: What? [00:50:27] Speaker A: Being in the same room isn't gonna hurt him. As long as we don't serve him food with nuts and watch for cross contamination, we should be fine. The foods Steve is allergic to are a big part of my diet. Also, this is where I live, not Steve. So I feel like I shouldn't have to cater to the possibility that he might come over at some point in the future. But my husband is worried that he'll accidentally cause his friend to have an allergic reaction if we don't keep the entire house free of allergens. Am I the asshole for refusing to go along with that bitch? Your husband is nuts, and Steve is probably allergic to him. See what I did there? [00:51:12] Speaker B: I wonder what the extent of her allergy to wheat is. It's interesting that she brings that up. [00:51:18] Speaker A: Probably not too bad. [00:51:21] Speaker B: It sounds like his isn't not too bad either. [00:51:24] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, his. I feel it's a gluten allergy, not like a wheat allergy, but it's just easier to say wheat. [00:51:30] Speaker B: No, it does mean two different things, but continue. [00:51:36] Speaker A: But, you know, like, I have friends that are allergic to shit, and I just know what they're allergic to because they've told me in passing. They didn't make like a huge point of being like, I'm allergic to strawberries. You know, Shelby has, you know, she's like, hey, I'm very allergic to dairy. I'm like, cool, you know, no cheese, no milk, no dairy things, you know, not a problem. Easy. [00:52:06] Speaker B: I'm very confused. Can we read some comments? I don't know how I feel. [00:52:10] Speaker A: Steve is a visitor and he may become a frequent one given that he's your husband's best friend. He's working around the things he's allergic to and doesn't carry an epipen for emergencies. So there's no need to do anything other than exclude the allergens from any dishes you share with Steve. Your husband acts like the house needs to be decontaminated cause Steve was moving in and becoming the new sister wife. [00:52:35] Speaker B: Although I shouldn't laugh cause quite honestly, when my husband married me, he also married my best friend. So it rings true. So, yeah, I think her husband's. I think her husband's overreacting. He's not an asshole, but he is overreacting. And she's perfectly. And she's perfectly welcome to continue as she is doing. [00:52:56] Speaker A: Have the conversation with Steve. [00:52:58] Speaker B: Oh yeah, that's brilliant. Yes, that needs. Oh my God, that needs to happen. That's all it needs to happen is a conversation. I forget that people can talk to each other. [00:53:07] Speaker A: You know, like, you know, if someone is like truly like there are people that are that deathly allergic to fucking peanuts, their throat will fucking swell up and they will die quick. And I get that, you know, that. That's fine. I have no problem with people like that. That just means God really wants you dead. And he, like, he was like, oh no shit. We fucking already sent out the order for this dude. Severe allergic to peanuts and make his dad work at a fucking peanut factory. You know, make his mom Casey Anthony. [00:53:47] Speaker B: Steve should not reproduce. He doesn't need to pass on that shitty of an immune system onto another human being. [00:53:53] Speaker A: Well, I mean, you know, I think it's just like the husband, like I get to see my friend again. [00:53:58] Speaker B: Oh, I like that comment by queen size. [00:54:00] Speaker A: Not the asshole. But your husband needs to explain why Steve's allergies are more important to him than yours. [00:54:06] Speaker B: Yes. Do you see that one? [00:54:10] Speaker A: What? [00:54:11] Speaker B: Wonder if she's allergic to the husband's nuts. [00:54:15] Speaker A: Yeah, I've already made that joke. But yeah, I mean, oh my God. [00:54:22] Speaker B: Everyone's like, is this dude gay? This is amazing. [00:54:27] Speaker A: Is he handling your husband's nuts. [00:54:32] Speaker B: It's a bromance. [00:54:33] Speaker A: No, you are not. The asshole. [00:54:35] Speaker B: Opinion's not an asshole, but he's kind of a dick. [00:54:41] Speaker A: Your husband's trying to make a good impression on his friend. I get that. No communication is going one way or the other. Sucks, but that's what it is, so, you know. Yeah. Not the asshole I'm. You get zero out of five assholes. Your husband gets zero out of five assholes. [00:55:04] Speaker B: Oh, is there a scale? [00:55:07] Speaker A: I'm making one up. [00:55:08] Speaker B: Okay, so one to five? [00:55:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:55:11] Speaker B: Okay. [00:55:13] Speaker A: You know, or 1.5. I can make it out of ten. I can make it 100. [00:55:16] Speaker B: Don't make it out of 100. Too many. [00:55:19] Speaker A: Zero. You're both not assholes. You know, one, your husband's just trying to look out for his friend, and you're like, why the fuck are we, you know, going overboard? So, you know, talk to each other. Use your words. Next story. Relationship advice. This is by throwaway. I don't know why it fucking loaded. Weird. [00:55:45] Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, well. [00:55:46] Speaker A: My 23 female, current boyfriend, 24 male, Saul. And nude of my ex, 24 male. How do I help him feel less insecure? [00:55:57] Speaker B: Girl. [00:55:59] Speaker A: I've already read the story. Sorry. I know how to go. It's not that bad. My ex, Harold, and I were together for about five years. We got together at the age of 17 and broke up around 22. It was not a great breakup. He cheated on me for years and got incredibly toxic and cruel towards the end. I have not talked to him even once since we separated, and I have no idea what's going on with his life. My current boyfriend, Johnny and I have been together for eight months. We were friends in middle school. We saw each other at a restaurant, barely remembered each other, and have been together since. Cute. Look, I've gone through so many email accounts in my life right now. I have three email accounts that I are in frequent use. I can't imagine the amount of email accounts I've made that are still active, but I no longer use. I needed to get into a very old, very, very old email account I made in 2011 that I retired about three years ago for a specific document in the Google Drive. I have a pixel phone. So when I add a Gmail account to the phone, it adds everything. Contacts, photos, calendar items, etcetera. [00:57:15] Speaker B: What the fuck? [00:57:17] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what Google does. Google's awesome. [00:57:19] Speaker B: That's creepy. [00:57:21] Speaker A: Well, I found out about this because there's suddenly a calendar item that 16 year old me made. It was be married. I basically missed my own wedding. Lol. So Johnny and I thought it'd be funny to look through the old email to find random shit I left in there. We found some really cute pictures of us as kids that I thought I'd lost and some other cute things. But while looking at the photos, an old dick pic of Harold when we were together was there. If I'd have known this had been there, I would have never shown Johnny until all the crap was deleted. Not only cause nobody wants to see that shit, but also for Harold's privacy. It was a low effort dick pic that I probably just honestly didn't even mean to save. But because Google photos backs up everything, it just got lost there. Harold's dick is bigger than Johnny's, though. I don't care. And that's not just me saying I don't care. Johnny and I have had a short conversation about the insecurity of his size. I confirm that the sex is amazing with him and I am always satisfied. I am happy. I do not think of Harold. I do not care about him. I am more than satisfied. One thing that I really like about Johnny is that he never started an awkward, so my dick is small kind of conversation. He never even mentioned it. Just had sex and did a phenomenal job from the beginning. I never mentioned it either because it literally is nothing I would ever want to think about it. He is always so confident in himself, willing to learn, humble, etcetera, both in and out of the bedroom. Anyway, after our conversation, I really thought he was okay. But sex has been less frequent. He initiated less, and he had started turning off the lights before taking his clothes off. I have tried being more enthusiastic and initiating more, but it's not really changed anything. He always brought up problems when they arise, but I don't. I've never really had to worry if we're okay because I've always been proactive about communication. I think the bigger problem is he is too worried, embarrassed, scared to bring it up to him. I'm really heartbroken for him. I don't know how to have a conversation with him about this. I'm just here looking for some pointers about how to start the conversation and how to make him feel better about our sex life or himself even. What would you say? What would you want to hear? I will have a conversation with him about this soon. I just want to start it the right way. Thanks in advance. [01:00:12] Speaker B: I fucking love op. [01:00:14] Speaker A: So here's the thing. Like, when guys, like, look at porn, it's like, oh, this guy has a bigger dick than me. Click out. No, you know, and you know, just don't lie to him. Don't be like, fuck me with your giant cock because that just brings it up. It's like, yeah, I know you're lying. It's like when I said that. What? [01:00:42] Speaker B: Have I ever said that? [01:00:43] Speaker A: No, of course not. Okay, you're not a liar. [01:00:46] Speaker B: You're just like fucking weird. [01:00:47] Speaker A: You're like, fuck me with your average, adequate, okay ish cock. I'm like, cool. I don't have a monster dick, that's fine. [01:00:59] Speaker B: I'm very happy with your dick. If it was bigger, I wouldn't fucking want it. It wouldn't fucking fit. Cause my vagina has been snipped into a cum sock. Literally. More length would not fit into it. [01:01:10] Speaker A: It's fine. [01:01:11] Speaker B: Okay. Like, yours is like the perfect fit. [01:01:14] Speaker A: See? Like that. That's what women all say. Yours is the perfect one. [01:01:19] Speaker B: It is. [01:01:20] Speaker A: You know, I can never take another d. Yeah, they could. [01:01:23] Speaker B: Dick size doesn't fucking matter. What matters is if you're hitting in the right spots and the g spot's only three inches in the vaginal canal. So as long as your dick is that long, you're golden. [01:01:33] Speaker A: Oh, there's some people that aren't that. There's some little fucking micropenis boys out. [01:01:38] Speaker B: There's other ways to make up for that. It's nothing to feel ashamed about. It's just genetics. It's just genetics. I want comments. I want to see what they suggest. [01:01:49] Speaker A: Um, ski. Hi, kai. I'm sorry. I've tried being more enthusiastic, enthusiastic and initiating more. Please know. Imagine if you're insecure about your cooking. Imagine your boyfriend found out you're insecure about your cooking. Imagine your boyfriend then made an exaggerated mm hmm. After every meal, how would you feel about your cooking? Introducing dishonesty and hyperbole into the situation is going to cut the legs out, cut the legs put from under you. Your options are do nothing, and I mean nothing, where you can try having a conversation about what came up and acknowledged that it was gross and you both had to see that. Apologize for that, check in how he's feeling in a non intrusive and non leading way. Don't try and make that later opinion a big deal. First of all, ignore all the people saying you should have done this or do that. To delete photos with cloud accounts, automatic backups, and other convenience technologies. These things happen all the time. I still have ancient email addresses that I haven't used since I was 13 years old pop up as login suggestions for sites I've never used before. The Internet, rumors, everything. Always sometimes trying to play whack a mole to keep the digital past from popping up. Also, it's all 2020 hindsight and doesn't fix the problem today. [01:03:25] Speaker B: Yep. Yep. [01:03:25] Speaker A: Secondly, dick size insecurity with men is something that is unfortunately, extremely baked into society and most men's subconsciousnesses. Our culture rewards the idea of having a big dick. Everyone jokes light heartedly about small dicks. Like, it isn't body shaming, it is body shaming or an exaggerated importance and prevalence of big dicks and gives men huge amounts of insecurity and body dysmorphia. So, yeah, I mean, this is what it really is. I mean, if you, you know, have a small dick, you are made fun of. If you're a small dude. Like, if you're a dude that is like, you know, five foot. Like, you're like a five foot dude, full grown adult. You're just, you know, like a midget or whatever. People will not take you seriously. Women will not take you seriously. Other dudes will not take you seriously. Jobs will not take you seriously. No one will. No one will treat you like an adult. And this sucks, you know, if you're smaller or not, you know, man sized, you know, in today's culture, in America, guess what? You know, everyone fucking looks at you like you're a fucking cripple. And, you know, you can, you know, just, you know, forget about it. And, you know, just, like, you can say things like, hey, I, you know, it's not, you know, the size that matters. It's what you do with it. You know, you can come in with a fucking, you know, Uzi and fucking take out an entire school. [01:05:06] Speaker B: So positive reinforcement isn't going to work here. [01:05:12] Speaker A: He already knows the truth. He already sees the bigger dick that this woman has taken. Like, you don't want to, like, see the old dick that your girl has taken. [01:05:26] Speaker B: Why not? [01:05:28] Speaker A: Because it's this thing that, like, every girl is a whore until she becomes your girl, and then it's all good. So it's like, every girl will, like, fuck everyone. It's, you know, look at that whore, look at that piggy. And then when she becomes your girlfriend, it's all good. And that shit doesn't happen. It never happened. You know, all your friends didn't fucking run a train on her. It's fine. [01:05:53] Speaker B: What the fuck? [01:05:54] Speaker A: Yeah, I know. It's a weird fucking thing. [01:05:56] Speaker B: Why does it matter how many men a woman sleeps with? I don't understand why this is important. [01:06:02] Speaker A: Well, when you get into a relationship with her, you don't ask. You leave it alone. [01:06:07] Speaker B: No, you should ask. [01:06:08] Speaker A: You don't want that answer. [01:06:10] Speaker B: Okay. Okay. The reason, once it asks, is you want to make sure they're clean and don't have STI's. Std's. Std's. That's the reason you ask. Background. Be like, yo, have you been with more partners? Okay, cool. When's the last time you tested negative for SDI's or ISDs? Whatever. It's actually SDI's. Like, you want clean papers before you fuck someone. [01:06:33] Speaker A: Speaking of clean papers, here's a little bonus. One. I, 19 male, gave oral to my girlfriend. 20 female on her period. Did I do anything wrong? No. So some context. I'm extremely clueless when it comes to women. I used to go to an all boys high school, and my girlfriend is the first girl I've ever been with. I'm extremely. Gin. I'm extremely. I'm genuinely extremely clueless when it comes to what to do in the bedroom. And all my knowledge, which I know is highly skewed wrong when it comes from porn, which is unfortunate. My girlfriend mentioned that she was on her period, and we began getting intimate. I put my fingers on her nether regions. [01:07:16] Speaker B: Oh, honey. [01:07:19] Speaker A: And she said something along the lines of, did you forget that I'm on my period? So I just stopped and we continued making out. However, things got very intimate, I got carried away and proceeded to give her oral. She just asked if I was sure, and I said yes. I asked if I asked her if I could, and she said yes. There was no blood, and everything seemed normal. Rather, I couldn't see if there was blood, but from what she was saying as well, she was doing, and she seemed to definitely enjoy it. So I now wondering, is perhaps there a reason that she didn't want me to give for oral or asked if I was sure if I wanted to? Um. [01:07:59] Speaker B: It feels nice. I can guarantee you it feels nice. Like, quite honestly, like, okay, I can't speak for everyone, but a lot of times, having sex helped my cramps and helped me feel better. [01:08:11] Speaker A: Get your red wings there, brother. [01:08:12] Speaker B: Yep, yep. Earn those bitches. [01:08:14] Speaker A: You know, like, fucking, you know, dig. You know, put your finger in biker. Like, put, like, war paint on your face. It's fine. [01:08:21] Speaker B: Yes. Like, the fingers under the eyes. Oh, my God, yes. [01:08:26] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, just, you know, have that positive attitude. It's fine. [01:08:30] Speaker B: Yeah. Op's doing great. [01:08:31] Speaker A: The reason she didn't want you to is she didn't want you to get, like, all disgusted. [01:08:35] Speaker B: Well, did she ever say no? No, she said yes. [01:08:38] Speaker A: Yeah. She's like. Yeah. She's just like, hey, did you forget that I'm on my period? Are you sure you want to fucking do that? [01:08:45] Speaker B: Aw, yeah. [01:08:46] Speaker A: Which is an insecurity for women. Cause they are fucking bleeding down there. [01:08:50] Speaker B: You shouldn't feel ashamed of your periods. I never did. I hated them, but I never felt ashamed of them. [01:08:55] Speaker A: So, yeah, I mean, you're fine. You know, maybe one time you're gonna fucking go down there and taste Benny's, you know, just go for it, dude. [01:09:06] Speaker B: I don't know what my own period blood tastes like, and I will never know. I'm never gonna. I had the opportunity to taste it, and I wasted it. [01:09:12] Speaker A: Yeah. Take a penny. Take. Take five pennies. Throw it in your mouth. [01:09:16] Speaker B: Okay. No. So, like, blood tastes different when it comes from different body parts. I know how that sounds. [01:09:22] Speaker A: Yeah. So. But that's it for this week. That's it for this episode. We will be back next week with some more, you know, awful, terrible bullshit. Give your grandpa a hug because he had to kill children that looked probably like you. And now it's just like, deal with those nightmares and, you know, he had to, like, watch his friends get fucking butchered. [01:09:47] Speaker B: Okay, so Memorial Day is just a continuation of a lie being, like, if you die for a country, you will be honored. It doesn't matter if they're remembering you now. You're already dead. That whole type of advertisement is false. And yet here's the continuation. [01:10:01] Speaker A: Doesn't matter. Like, me fully, fully fucking support the military 100%, you know, I feel like, you know, the Vietnam vets should have gotten more fucking care. [01:10:14] Speaker B: Oh, my God. The way we treat vets is disgusting. [01:10:17] Speaker A: The VA is a fucking nightmare. [01:10:20] Speaker B: It is. [01:10:20] Speaker A: And getting there and, like, sometimes parking at the VA is just fucking horseshit. [01:10:26] Speaker B: And, like, one time I parked in there because I just pulled into the first parking lot I could. Cause I was completely lost. So, like, I. I saw there was, like, signs, like, customer parking only. So I parked in, like, the far. I put my blinkers on, and I just. I'm on my phone trying to figure out where the hell I am, and a dude knocks on my window, and he's like, ma'am, you have to leave. And I'm like, cool. I'm out here as soon as I figure out where I am, and I will leave. Please don't be mean to me. [01:10:53] Speaker A: I mean, if you're in the back, it's fine. [01:10:54] Speaker B: I mean, like, I was in the far back. There were other open spots. I just. I was just so lost. I was about to cry. I had no idea where I was. [01:11:01] Speaker A: Well, you drove a Prius. That's how they knew you weren't in the military. No one in the military drives a fucking Prius. [01:11:08] Speaker B: Prius? [01:11:10] Speaker A: Even the fucking air force doesn't drive fucking Priuses. [01:11:14] Speaker B: That's because I'm achieving world peace. [01:11:17] Speaker A: Yeah, that's why they don't drive Priuses. They drive Hummers and shit. And big shit. Big. Oh, this fucking burns extra fuel for the fun of it and shoots out flames. Awesome. [01:11:28] Speaker B: I'm not gonna deny, Hummers can be pretty cool at times. [01:11:31] Speaker A: Yeah, they are. So. But we'll be back next fucking week with more that your favorite horse shit? [01:11:39] Speaker B: And maybe my bestie will be here next time. [01:11:42] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, the reason we didn't do it on a normal day is because her mom was here and fucking just took up the entire office. Because it's also the guest room. [01:11:53] Speaker B: It is. I offered to set her up in Cheytee's room, but it would have been pain in the ass to move the mattress. [01:11:58] Speaker A: Too much of a pain in the ass. Yeah. [01:11:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:12:00] Speaker A: So, yeah, I mean, it should be fine. And then at the end of June, we're going to go on vacation. We might have, like, a weird schedule for that. I don't know. I'm going to try and put out extra shit. I'm going to try and put out shit on Instagram. [01:12:16] Speaker B: We're going to the beach. [01:12:19] Speaker A: We'll figure it out. So peace, everybody. Bye. [01:12:23] Speaker B: Well, peace.