Horny Jail

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alrighty, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Human podcast. Courtney is not here today. [00:00:08] Speaker B: Her jaw hurts, her wisdom teeth are coming in, and it's not going well. [00:00:13] Speaker A: So it's just gonna be me, you know, your intrepid host, Alex truck. [00:00:20] Speaker B: What now, were they called double bubbles? The lollipop with the gum in it? What the fuck was it called? [00:00:29] Speaker A: Fucking any generic bubble pop lolly gum? I don't know. I didn't have those growing up. [00:00:38] Speaker B: You didn't know they're called blow pops. There we go. [00:00:48] Speaker A: Like, girls used them, I guess, like, practice, like you, you know, sucking. Because women are awful. [00:00:59] Speaker B: At sucking. [00:01:00] Speaker A: Mm hmm. I remember, like, there's, like, a bunch of fucking, like, movies in the nineties that, like, emphasized, like, how to, like, suck dick. [00:01:10] Speaker B: They did? [00:01:11] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:01:12] Speaker B: What? [00:01:13] Speaker A: Yeah, like, there was a bunch of movies in the nineties that had, like, scenes where they're like, you know, teaching, you know, women how to, like, give blowjobs and shit. [00:01:26] Speaker B: So are they teaching boys how to go down as well or just women? [00:01:30] Speaker A: Oh, no, there was american pie, and in american pie, there was a whole book dedicated on how to, like, eat pussy and how to finger women. [00:01:40] Speaker B: Oh, okay. As long as both are learning. [00:01:43] Speaker A: It was called the book of love, I believe. [00:01:45] Speaker B: Good name for it. [00:01:47] Speaker A: And it was, like, hidden in a library, like, underneath, like, a shelf or some shit like that. And, like, you, like, get the book of love and, like, learn how to, like, do all these things, like, you know, like spell letters on our clit and shit. [00:02:01] Speaker B: What? [00:02:02] Speaker A: Mm hmm. Yeah. [00:02:03] Speaker B: Do you do that? [00:02:05] Speaker A: I mean, I used to, but now I'm fucking 30. I don't do teenager shit anymore. [00:02:11] Speaker B: I mean, it still feels nice. [00:02:14] Speaker A: Yeah, whatever. But, like, there's, like, one where it's like, you know, like the tornado where, like, you twist two fingers together and like that. And I'm like. It was a whole fucking thing. That that's how most of us nineties kids learned how to fuck. Okay, that's okay. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. [00:02:34] Speaker B: I'm not judging you. [00:02:36] Speaker A: You are hard judging me. I can see it right now. [00:02:39] Speaker B: No, I'm not. [00:02:40] Speaker A: You're like, how dare you? [00:02:42] Speaker B: No, I'm thinking about a book I read. [00:02:45] Speaker A: But, you know, this is, you know, the entire fucking nineties, you know, the nineties and the early aughts, you know, we just learned from, you know, american pie. And, like, there's a scene in american pie where, like, one of the chicks is like, one time and band camp, I stuck a piccolo up my pussy. And I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ. [00:03:10] Speaker B: Is that a flute or a violin? [00:03:12] Speaker A: It's like a flute. It's like a. Like a flutish thing. [00:03:15] Speaker B: Okay, so it's a wind instrument. [00:03:17] Speaker A: Wind instrument. Yes, it's a phallic wind instrument, but yeah, there was, like, a bunch of, like, rapey fucking movies, like, from, like, the nineties and early aughts. [00:03:29] Speaker B: Ew. [00:03:30] Speaker A: Like reverend revenge of the nerds. American pie. Like, in the beginning of american pie, like, because I know you haven't seen this movie. There's no way you have. I've not pretty much. There's, like, a hot chick that's coming over to, like, tutorum. Okay. And so he has a webcam in his room. [00:03:51] Speaker B: And how old's the kid? [00:03:53] Speaker A: He's in high school. Okay, so, yeah, just. Just. Just don't interrupt, okay? It's gonna get worse. [00:04:00] Speaker B: I need more information, though, sometimes. [00:04:03] Speaker A: A kid in high school. What age is he? High school age. So a kid in high school. [00:04:15] Speaker B: You. [00:04:15] Speaker A: Know, has, like, this hot, like, foreign student come over to, you know, tutor him, and for some fucking weird ass reason, she needs to get changed and she needs to do it in his room. You know, there's bathrooms in this house. Like, it's that full ass house. And the dad is the same dad from Schitt's creek too. [00:04:36] Speaker B: Oh. [00:04:37] Speaker A: Just to, like, you know, give you that same eyebrows, say same. Same everything. Same dude. Exact same, like, just like, you know, character actor. Yeah, same everything. He's perfect. I. I don't think he even acts. I think that's just who he is. He's brilliant. I love him. I don't know his name. And so she, like, he has a webcam set up, and he is supposed to just send, like, the link just to only his friends. He ends up sending it to the entire fucking school. And, you know, everyone in the entire school is watching this girl, like, pop out her tits and everything. [00:05:14] Speaker B: They showed the tits? [00:05:15] Speaker A: Yeah, they show the tits. [00:05:16] Speaker B: Interesting. [00:05:16] Speaker A: I think she was over 18. She looked old enough. You know, this isn't like, fucking that one movie. Juliet. Romeo and Juliet. There's, like, an underage tit scene in it. I'm like, no, why would you do that? Like, any time there's, like, an underage tit scene, I'm like, ugh. [00:05:41] Speaker B: Yeah, it's uncomfortable and it's gross. [00:05:43] Speaker A: Well, like, during the time, I'm like, yeah, and then now you were also. [00:05:49] Speaker B: The same age, so it's different still. [00:05:53] Speaker A: Now it's like, I can never watch that movie. Again, it's like, it is immoral for me to watch Romeo and Juliet with that little. It's like a two second tit scene. [00:06:03] Speaker B: I appreciate your standards. They mean a lot to me. [00:06:06] Speaker A: I mean, I'm sure they don't. But as a dude, I'm like, I can't be, like, a fucking pedophile. And, like, look at underage tits like that. That's a bad thing. It's like, the only thing my mom is proud of me for. It's like, thank you for not being a pedophile. I'm like, it's easy standard to hit. [00:06:26] Speaker B: What were we fucking watching where, like, I was, like, giving you a hand job and then all of a sudden, there was, like, a little kid scene and, like, your dip wicks went soft. And I'm like, yeah, I can't touch you right now either. [00:06:36] Speaker A: I don't even remember. That just sounds awful. Like, we were watching, like, just, like, porn, and, like. And it, like, goes over, like a. [00:06:48] Speaker B: I don't remember what? [00:06:50] Speaker A: Yeah, I do not remember that at all. But. But back. Back to american pie. So, like, her tits pop out and then she ends up, you know, going, you know, onto his bed and starts, like, masturbating. You know, Penny's on masturbating and, you know, like, they're like, dude, get in there. Get in there. Fucking, you know, go in there and be like, hey, looks like you can use a hand with that. You know, just give him, like, some cheesy ass line. And he goes in, he's like, hey, looks like you can use a hand with that. And, you know, at first she's like, I kind of into it. And he, like, tries to throw a shirt to block the fucking webcam and it falls off, and, you know, then it, like, just all fucking devolves and nothing fucking actually happens. But it's like, ah, yeah, maybe you'll watch it later. It's like a great fucking nostalgia movie, but, yeah, like, revenge. And the nerds, they go in, like, a panty raid. Like, they go into, like, you know, the, like, girls houses, like, take their fucking panties. [00:07:57] Speaker B: This is like animal farm shit. [00:08:01] Speaker A: It's just like, you know, the time difference now. It's like, ugh. Like, that did not age well. Yes, and it's like, ugh. Like, there's even a SpongeBob episode where they do a panty raid. I'm like, ah, no, SpongeBob. Yes, and SpongeBob, you know, they do, like, a panty raid. And it's like, you know, some, like, old fish or something. Like an old, like, grandma, you know, cuz like, I think, like, mister krabs is like, feeling old and like, let's go on a panty raid. I think it's like Mister Krabs mom that they go in. Yeah, he's like, I feel young. And it's like, eugene, what are you doing here? So, yeah, the. The fucking nineties and early aughts were a wild fucking time for cinema. And now, you know, there is standards. Like, it's like, don't fucking, you know, show like, like, even, like, even 18 year old tits. I'm like, ah, dude, like, uh, no, I'm like, I don't know if I'm. [00:09:15] Speaker B: Like, weird or if, like, you are an upstanding member of society who is naughty creepy. I'm like, you should be repulsed by 18 year old titties. [00:09:27] Speaker A: Like the. For like, a bunch of celebrities. There's countdown timers for when they turned 18. [00:09:35] Speaker B: Ew. And I'm like, that's gross. [00:09:40] Speaker A: I'm like, have your childhood, please. [00:09:46] Speaker B: You know, it's like 18 year olds are not adults. [00:09:50] Speaker A: Like, I don't imagine any 18 year old that can suck cock well, I. [00:09:54] Speaker B: Couldn'T suck cock well when I was 18. [00:09:57] Speaker A: Like, give me like a, you know, 32 year old divorcee. Like, boom. Holy shit. She's just down for anything and she needs the money to pay for her fucking apartment, you know, like, that's who I want to see, you know, and just, I'm like, yes. You know, it's like, cuz she's not getting taken advantage of and I know it. It's like, oh, yeah, you're just. You need money. Good for you, you know, doing what you need to do to pay the bills. Yeah, it's like, I'm getting fucked in the ass for money. It's like, yeah, but at least you're not working at Walmart getting fucked in the ass for less money. [00:10:38] Speaker B: Mm hmm. [00:10:39] Speaker A: So. Oh, my God. Yes, I truly enjoyed the nineties. And I kind of wondered, like, do magazines, like, still, like, we have like a hidden magazine, like in the wall. [00:10:56] Speaker B: Like in a secret hole in a. [00:10:58] Speaker A: Secret hole in her house. Like, I found like old, like seventies magazines, like, while fucking doing some like, renovation shit in the fucking wall. And I like, took them out and replaced them with porno mags, which is gonna be great for whoever finds it in the future. Definitely an upgrade when porn's, like, illegal and they're like, holy shit, we just found porn. This is wildly. Or it's like the norm. Like, ads just have porn in them now. [00:11:31] Speaker B: They do. It's great. [00:11:33] Speaker A: Well, no fucking, like, on porn sites. Yeah, you're gonna see, like, the family guy and the Simpsons fucking. And, you know, come here. You're gonna come in 10 seconds, you know, hot single moms looking for you. And I'm like, I don't want to be a dad by default. Yeah, like, get me someone, you know, like. Like that. That's why, like, milfs are, like, kind of like, ugh. It's like you're fucking someone's mom. And it's like, I think my mom's 50. [00:12:13] Speaker B: I saw this. [00:12:17] Speaker A: Parody. [00:12:18] Speaker B: Yeah. Parody video of this dude singing, whatever, this song. I don't know if it's called, but Jesse's mom's going on, but he sings it, like, how this kid is, like, super creepy and shit. Like, corrective. And I'm like, I'm here for this. Even though I've never heard the original, I just know that phrase in it itself. [00:12:36] Speaker A: Yeah, the fucking, the entire music video is goddamn creepy. So it's like this dude fucking, you know, mowing the lawn, and his mom comes out, like, on the lawn, getting a massage. Like, naked massage. And, like, the masseuse is, like, making eyes at the kid, like, ooh. You know, like, the entire fucking time. Like, as he, like, you know, like, drops, like, her fucking, like, titty towel. It's like, uh, you know, like, what the fuck is going on? Like, as a kid, I'm like, he has the normal. And now, like, as an adult, I'm like, what the fuck? But I'm like, that kid understands some shit. He's like, this woman, you know, has a husband that's gone. [00:13:24] Speaker B: So gone by, like, well, like, he's. [00:13:28] Speaker A: On a business trip. [00:13:29] Speaker B: Okay, so she's not divorced. [00:13:31] Speaker A: She's not divorced now. Okay, so it's like, her his friend's mom. [00:13:38] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:13:39] Speaker A: And he wants to fuck his friend's mom, which is a taboo. Don't do that. Don't fuck your friend's moms. But since it's a taboo, it's kind of hot. [00:13:48] Speaker B: Mm hmm. Always hot. [00:13:51] Speaker A: It's like, yeah, like, fucking in a catholic church. It's like, oh, this is wrong, but it makes me come harder. Like, like, there's a porn video that's on the Internet of, like, a woman, like, masturbating in the pews, and I'm like, good for you. [00:14:08] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:12] Speaker A: I know. [00:14:12] Speaker B: It's no, just getting the cord so it doesn't touch my skin, but I'm. [00:14:18] Speaker A: Like, like, cuz she, like, oils herself up. I'm like, now how do you leave? Like, what if you, like, are leaving the fucking church? And like, the. The priest shows up, he's like, hey, it's like, why are you oily? It's like. But yeah, I mean, Japan fucking created Hentai just to be like, I can jerk off without fucking feeling morally wrong. [00:14:50] Speaker B: Hentai is great. If it's good bad. Hentai is really bad. [00:14:54] Speaker A: My, my favorite is when it is awful for like, queen bee. Um, there's a company called Queen Bee that makes awful fucking, you know, hentai, like, you know, episodes, like full, like, like video, like, like anime episodes, but like, they're just hentai and it's just like a bunch of, like, gifs, you know, like gif, like over and over again, but like, they're bad. And like, the boobies are like, all stretched out. It's awful. Pure, unadulterated awful. I'm like, this is like, I can't even jerk off to this. This is unjerkable. [00:15:36] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Anime tits are interesting. [00:15:39] Speaker A: Like, there's times where like, people, like, they're just like, drawing them just to be like, hey, look, I did it awfully. Or it's like, I don't know what I'm doing. It's like that dude, that's like, you know what a horse looks like, right? And he's like, of course I've seen a bunch of horses. And the horses with like, the eyes in the front. That's a great meme. Let me pull it up. You know what a. Look at that. It already knows. [00:16:20] Speaker B: It's medieval paintings. [00:16:22] Speaker A: Medieval painting. Horses here. Just human eyes on the horse. Just like medieval fucking paintings are great. Just, you know, the horse. [00:16:36] Speaker B: It almost looks like a hippo. [00:16:40] Speaker A: Like with the legs. Yeah. It's like you meet evil artists and you totally know horses look right from the front. It's fucking gold. But yeah, I mean, it's like that level of shittiness, you know, and it's like, ah. And you know, like people just, you know, it's like, it's like a fap challenge. It's like you have to jerk off to this. It's like, I can't though. It's like you're not even trying to fucking, you know, make something hot. You're just trying to, like, fucking, you know, put it out. [00:17:26] Speaker B: Yeah, it can get bad. It can be really good, though. But it can also be bad. [00:17:31] Speaker A: See something like, for a while there, they're making like, parody porns. You know, like Scooby Doos and shit like that. [00:17:41] Speaker B: Ew. [00:17:42] Speaker A: No, they're decent. [00:17:44] Speaker B: I don't want porn about Scooby Doo. [00:17:46] Speaker A: Well, it wasn't the dog. It was the people. Okay, yeah, no, I'm not like Scooby Doo. [00:17:51] Speaker B: You did not add the show. Afterwards, I heard Scooby Doo show. Thank you. [00:17:55] Speaker A: You know, like, Velma and Fred and Daphne all fucking. I'm like, yeah. [00:18:01] Speaker B: I was always confused cuz I always thought Daphne and Fred were a thing. [00:18:06] Speaker A: Yes. [00:18:06] Speaker B: No, the glasses girl were a thing. I was super confused why everyone thought it was Fred. I was like, no. [00:18:11] Speaker A: You want to know what the show is really about? [00:18:13] Speaker B: Aren't they, like, skating the war and. [00:18:16] Speaker A: That kind of draft dodging? [00:18:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:18:17] Speaker A: Yeah, that's it. Yeah. And fucking Shaggy and Scooby own the fucking mystery machine and they're just, you know, traveling around so they can't fucking catch up with them. Fucking Fred is, you know, has a bunch of money. [00:18:32] Speaker B: Because I thought Fred was gay. [00:18:34] Speaker A: No, Fred and Daphne are a thing. He's probably gay. But, you know, just having an ascot. Just having an ascot does not make you gay. Um, no, no, it does not. No, it doesn't. As the gayest man in the room having an ascot. Like, I wouldn't see an ascot on a man, but gay. Let me hear your voice. Let me hear how you say honey, and then I'll determine from there. Just say honey to me. And, you know, let me see your shoes and your fingernails. And I can determine if you're gay just from that. It is very easy. [00:19:17] Speaker B: And pulling an ascot off is work. [00:19:22] Speaker A: No, gay men. Every gay man I've ever met has, you know, a few things that are on point at all times. [00:19:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:32] Speaker A: Every single one. Their fingernails on point, shoes on point, fucking eyes on point. [00:19:41] Speaker B: On fleek. [00:19:42] Speaker A: No, no, we don't. They don't say that ever. And, you know, how they talk can be a little bit of an indicator, you know? But I don't base it all on that because I've met a lot of, you know, guys that talk, you know, with that gay accent, the. That are, you know, straight. [00:20:07] Speaker B: All right, well, you're not going to convince me that Fred is straight. [00:20:10] Speaker A: Well, maybe he's, you know, protecting who he is and he's really in a relationship with Shaggy. I'm sure you can find, you know, Fred and Shaggy fucking. But there was one that I really enjoyed. There's like a whole series where it was just dudes working and, like. Like, the wives would come out and it'd be like nailing the boss's wife. And so he's like, you know, working as, like, a carpenter, you know, it's like the boss is like, hey, I'm gonna go out and get lunch. And then the wife comes out. It's like, hey, there, you know, big guy. Oh, you know, like, starts off like a porn. Just, you know, cheesy, generic bullshit. And then the nail gun goes off and shoots her in the head and kills her. It's great. And, like, there's, like, another one where, like, a dude is, like, working, you know, underneath the car and, like, the car, like, crushes the woman or something like that. [00:21:05] Speaker B: And that's porn. [00:21:07] Speaker A: It's a parody porn. It's like how the porn starts, but it goes terribly wrong. Ah, so. [00:21:14] Speaker B: But see, you masturbate to that. [00:21:17] Speaker A: No. [00:21:17] Speaker B: Okay. [00:21:18] Speaker A: I'd watch it cuz it was funny. It was a great time. Like, there's like a whole series of, like, this dude just being mean to women. So. Because, like, they're, like, new into porn and they were not hot at all, and you just be mean to them. And it's just. It's hilarious and sad at the same time because it's just like, you know, a bunch of, like, crackhead women coming in, and he's, like, doing him a solid just by being like, get the fuck out of here. You're ugly. You're fucking busted. You have fucking flabby ass tits. You're fat. Ugh. Who'd want to fuck you? You know? Puts a helmet on him, hits him with a wiffle ball bat. It just. It's like the funniest, sad thing you'll ever see. It's like watching lemurs drowning. [00:22:17] Speaker B: Are those fish or is it a pig? [00:22:19] Speaker A: It's a dude. [00:22:21] Speaker B: No, on the ground. Is it a fish? [00:22:23] Speaker A: It's a dude. [00:22:24] Speaker B: Dude. [00:22:25] Speaker A: Yes. [00:22:31] Speaker B: I thought it was a bag of fish for so long, but then I. [00:22:33] Speaker A: Realized there, that's his helmet, that's his arms, that's his legs, that's his cape. Same as this dude. This dude fucking knocked this dude off of his horse. [00:22:42] Speaker B: Oh, it's battle. [00:22:44] Speaker A: It's a battle. Yes. [00:22:46] Speaker B: Okay. [00:22:47] Speaker A: I just had, like, the fucking horse picture up, and my wife has been transfixed. [00:22:50] Speaker B: I have been. There's a lot of detail going on. [00:22:54] Speaker A: It's not a lot of detail. [00:22:55] Speaker B: It's important. [00:22:58] Speaker A: So last week, I'm sure you. We talked, like, a second about Roger Fortune, the airman that got killed. Now, I've watched the body cam footage, and they have not released the name of the deputy. I've looked. [00:23:15] Speaker B: Well, of course they haven't for the. [00:23:16] Speaker A: Name of the deputy, but essentially, like, they come to his door, you know, Roger Fort's in store, and they, you know, they bang on his door saying, hey, you know, sheriff's deputy. Sheriff's deputy. And, you know, they say it loud so you can hear that it's a sheriff. [00:23:36] Speaker B: Uh huh. [00:23:37] Speaker A: And so he answers the door with a gun on his side, like, in his hand, and the sheriff's deputy just opens fire. Bang, bang, bang. You know, immediately. You know, I do not blame that sheriff at all. You know? You hear that? It's the sheriff's deputy, and you answer the door with a gun. What. What the fuck did you think was gonna happen there? What the fuck is that? [00:24:03] Speaker B: Oh, it's my alarm to take medicine. [00:24:06] Speaker A: You know, it's like, yes, it is sad, and yes, he was on the phone with his girlfriend and blah, blah, blah. But it's like, you know, the sheriffs are just doing their job, showing up. And normally I, you know, have a. Just, you know, I despise the police, but it's like, at this point, they are doing their job, and you show up with a, you know, weapon that could kill this officer, and, you know, what is he gonna do? Say, put it down? He already announced that he was the cops. You know, what. [00:24:42] Speaker B: What was. Why were they there? What was the call for? [00:24:44] Speaker A: A disturbance. They came for a disturbance. [00:24:50] Speaker B: Like, Karen called. [00:24:53] Speaker A: Somebody called. [00:24:54] Speaker B: Okay. [00:24:55] Speaker A: Um, but yeah, he was on a video call with his girlfriend. And so, like, he, like, comes to the fucking door. Um, you know, you can, like. And, like, immediately, like, he has, like, a fucking gun, you know, in his hand right there. Like, the second he opens the door and gets shot to death, it's like, yeah, what the fuck did you think was gonna happen there, bud? You know, you answer the door with. [00:25:27] Speaker B: A gun, but he's a soldier, right? [00:25:29] Speaker A: He works in the air force, which I don't even know why he has a gun. Oh, yeah, dude, you work in the chair force, you know? Okay, yeah, all the respect for the military, but, you know, you're not the fucking, you know, gun wielders. You're the computer. [00:25:44] Speaker B: Everyone knows the air force is the fucking what? [00:25:48] Speaker A: Chair force? [00:25:49] Speaker B: No, you call it not twinks. You call them something different. [00:25:53] Speaker A: What? [00:25:54] Speaker B: Yeah, they're the pussy. They're like the pussy field in the army. I've seen enough memes to know that that is how to go. [00:26:02] Speaker A: No, they just sit in a fucking office all day and pretend. Pretend like they. You don't work hard. They don't. And so, you know, now they're trying to make it a whole racial thing. It's like the cops didn't know who you were until they knocked on your door and you answered with a gun. You know, it's like it. At that point, it's, you know, they don't know that you're in the Air force. They don't know that, you know, any of this bullshit. They just see a guy with a gun and they respond. [00:26:37] Speaker B: But what? They've responded the same way to a white person with a gun. Oh, yeah, but how do you know? [00:26:43] Speaker A: Because I've seen plenty of videos of them doing the same thing to a white guy with a knife. [00:26:48] Speaker B: No, we're talking about this specific person, though. Like, I understand where they're trying to argue the racism. I'm just trying to decide if I'm on that side or not because it's not overt so much as it is like a microaggression. And so everyone's like, super hot topic on microaggressions right now, which is good, but it's over the top right now. But, like, I won. I must wonder, if it was a white guy with a gun, would they have immediately opened fire? [00:27:20] Speaker A: Yes, they've done it a million times. In fact, Waco, Texas, a fucking whole ass thing of white guys with guns, and they fucking burnt it to the goddamn ground. [00:27:31] Speaker B: Well, they're not. I'm assuming they're not arguing the entire department there for others in the field. I'm assuming they're arguing with that specific officer or deputy. Is a deputy called an officer? [00:27:41] Speaker A: It's a deputy. [00:27:42] Speaker B: Okay. [00:27:43] Speaker A: The sheriff's deputy. It's a police officer. [00:27:45] Speaker B: Okay? [00:27:45] Speaker A: Different things, different jurisdictions. The sheriff's deputy has jurisdiction in the whole county, whereas the police officer only has jurisdiction in his city. [00:27:59] Speaker B: I'm trying to decide if I was in that situation if I would open a fire or not. [00:28:05] Speaker A: You know, like these officers are trained. [00:28:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:28:11] Speaker A: You know, to be on the lookout for, you know, stuff like that. They. They have to make split second decisions. Like, as a trucker, I have to make split seconds, split second decisions. Like when a deer crosses my path, am I going to go left or am I going to go right? [00:28:24] Speaker B: Right. [00:28:24] Speaker A: You know, which way am I going to go to not fucking, you know, hit the steer, kill myself? Um, so he made a split second decision to. Solid dude with a gun. Saw the gun and reacted. You know, it's like, you should have taught your son not to answer the door with a gun. Even if a guy is like, you know, banging, you can have the gun, you know, sitting back. That way you can retreat. And if he, you know, comes in. [00:28:51] Speaker B: I want to know why he felt the need to have a gun in his hand. Obviously he's dead, and we can. Can't ask. But I can't wonder what was the reasoning behind this decision? Because I agree with you that you do stupid shit, win stupid praises type scenario. [00:29:05] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, you know, it's bang, bang, bang, sheriff's office. And it's like, okay, cool. You know, it's a cop. [00:29:14] Speaker B: Okay, well, this happened to you. What would you do? How would you greet them at the door knowing there are guns on the premise? [00:29:20] Speaker A: I wouldn't bring my gun to the door. [00:29:22] Speaker B: You wouldn't? [00:29:23] Speaker A: That's why they're. The guns are in the furthest room back in the house. So if you come to this room, you're gonna get shot. You know, it's like, I have a gun right here, you know, right underneath my desk. [00:29:37] Speaker B: But if the police banged on the door, you would not present your. [00:29:40] Speaker A: I wouldn't come to the door with my gun, you know, but it's like if I have to retreat because someone's coming into the house, and then they get to this point, to this little choke point here. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Guess what? Now you're fucking dead. [00:29:57] Speaker B: So you would open fire on the police? [00:29:59] Speaker A: Well, no, like, if the police were here for a legitimate reason, I would let them conduct their investigation. I'm not. [00:30:07] Speaker B: If they come in, do you have to tell them where. If there's guns in the house? [00:30:12] Speaker A: Oh, they're gonna see them. Yeah. [00:30:14] Speaker B: So is. Do you need. Is it better if you declare them beforehand or no? [00:30:18] Speaker A: Well, I'm gonna do everything I can not to let them in my house. If they have a search warrant for something valid, then there's nothing I can do. I have to let them come and do what they're gonna do? [00:30:32] Speaker B: Well, no, like, when cops come across people who have, like, a open carry or a covered carry license, like, the first thing they do is like, hey, I have a gun on me. This is where it is. [00:30:41] Speaker A: If you are pulled over by the police and you have a gun inside your vehicle or on your person especially, I do recommend declaring that. I'm not a lawyer. I'm not your lawyer. [00:30:52] Speaker B: Okay. [00:30:52] Speaker A: Any of that bullshit. But, you know, that is a situation where you're like, hey, I have a, you know, a gun. I would like it, you know, if you can like, disarm it. So that way there's no, you know, hey, because if, like, they have to pull you out of the car and, like, hey, you have a gun on you. Now that escalates shit real quick. [00:31:10] Speaker B: So. So if having a gun on your hand escalates shit. This dude, his first meeting with the cops was an immediate escalation, which is why a quick second decision needed to be made. [00:31:24] Speaker A: Well, I mean, if you come to the, you know, door with a gun, the only thing you can possibly do with that gun is kill the other person. That's the only thing. It's, you know, really good. For each one of these guns that you see around, you can kill a person. [00:31:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:31:43] Speaker A: No. No questions, no qualms about it. They can. [00:31:46] Speaker B: I once saw one of these false western shows, and this one dude, he had his chukchuk gun, and he would put gravel in it, and that's. He would shoot that at people. In the real world, is that actually effective? [00:31:59] Speaker A: You can put anything you want inside of, you know, a shotgun shell casing. [00:32:04] Speaker B: Uh huh. [00:32:05] Speaker A: Um, I wouldn't put rocks in there. [00:32:09] Speaker B: Like, is it just a Hollywood thing they invented? [00:32:11] Speaker A: No, I'm like, you can put rock salt in it. [00:32:15] Speaker B: Oh. [00:32:17] Speaker A: Like, that is definitely a shell that exists, you know, already. So it is a non lethal round, but when that rock salt enters you, it burns like the dickens, and you do, motherfucker. [00:32:32] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Like, oh. [00:32:36] Speaker A: So, yeah, you don't want to, you know, be fucking around with all that bullshit. [00:32:43] Speaker B: Yeah, dude was. In my opinion, dude was, like, 90% in the wrong. And again, I'm also not a lawyer. I'm not denying there was out forces beyond just him having got in the cant. I want to acknowledge that. [00:32:58] Speaker A: So, yeah, I mean, like, he shouldn't have died, but especially on facetiming with your fucking partner. So, yeah, it sucks all the way around. I don't feel like this officer is going to be indicted, and I feel like that's why they haven't released his name. That way, you know, the court of public opinion cannot, you know, come after him. I don't know. [00:33:21] Speaker B: Is that a good thing or a bad thing? [00:33:23] Speaker A: Well, I mean, imagine, like, they release this deputy's name. [00:33:27] Speaker B: Uh huh. [00:33:28] Speaker A: And then fucking people send death threats to his house. You know, there's people that are upset that this guy died, but it's like, you answered the door with a gun. [00:33:36] Speaker B: So what did you say? The face of the republic, the. [00:33:40] Speaker A: The court of public opinion, what does that mean? [00:33:44] Speaker B: So, I don't know what that means. [00:33:46] Speaker A: So pretty much, you know how everyone hates Trump? [00:33:49] Speaker B: Uh huh. [00:33:50] Speaker A: That's the court of public opinion. You know, he hasn't done anything wrong, but it's like, you know, when, like, everyone was like, hey, Michael Jackson was out there fucking, you know, touching children, you know, the court of public opinion already determined he was guilty. There was no proof that Michael Jackson ever did anything. [00:34:08] Speaker B: So, like social media or just general. [00:34:10] Speaker A: Just general populous people, you know, talking. [00:34:14] Speaker B: Okay. [00:34:14] Speaker A: You know, it's like when people say. [00:34:17] Speaker B: What it's called again. [00:34:18] Speaker A: The court of public opinion. [00:34:19] Speaker B: The court of public opinion. [00:34:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:24] Speaker B: Cool. So thank you. [00:34:26] Speaker A: Yeah, it's like, you know, Michael Jackson, you know, I. You know, fucking. This might be Jackson, you know, fucking Billie Jean. He's a, you know, the king of, you know, Pop. [00:34:41] Speaker B: I thought Prince was the king of Pop. [00:34:43] Speaker A: Billie Jean is not my love. [00:34:47] Speaker B: Oh, that's Michael Jackson. Okay. [00:34:53] Speaker A: But, yeah, he is a black guy that had a vitiligo turned white and put out a whole bunch of good, like, thriller. It's thriller. Thriller night. [00:35:04] Speaker B: Yes. I know that one, too. [00:35:06] Speaker A: Yeah, he made a whole bunch of shit that you'll know. But apparently there's, like, a bunch of people, they're like, Michael Jackson, you know, his fucking children, and, you know, diddling children, molesting children, and, you know, like, the court of public opinion was like, yeah, he did that. [00:35:25] Speaker B: This is very dangerous thing. [00:35:27] Speaker A: Without any proof that he actually ever did that. And then when, you know, like, facts actually came out, like, he most likely did not. [00:35:38] Speaker B: Well, your brain is programmed to believe the first point of information you believe on anything. [00:35:45] Speaker A: It's Occam's razor. [00:35:47] Speaker B: I don't know what that means. [00:35:49] Speaker A: The most likely thing is most likely true. [00:35:54] Speaker B: Okay? So there's also an evolutionary background. So imagine you're still in your ape phase and you're hunting, and you see leaves rustle. Your first assumption is there is a predator in there, and I need to leave. And because you stayed safe, your brain rewards you with dopamine. So whether or not there was a predator there, it doesn't matter because you left and you are now safe. So your brain is programmed to believe the first source of any information it's given, because that's what kept them alive, like, 15,000 years ago. [00:36:27] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, you know, it's like, imagine if the police walk in on a scene and you're holding a knife and there's, like, a bloody guy, and, you know, you know, below you, they're gonna say. They're gonna say, hey, you killed this guy. [00:36:41] Speaker B: Did I. [00:36:42] Speaker A: What? [00:36:43] Speaker B: Did I. You're the one who made this scenario. Did I kill the guy or not? [00:36:46] Speaker A: Well, imagine you're like, hey, I didn't kill this guy. I found this knife and I was trying to save him. So my hands are all covered in blood. [00:36:53] Speaker B: So I have not killed him. [00:36:55] Speaker A: So, you know. Yeah, you have not killed him in this scenario. Now you're trying to staunch the bleeding. He died and, you know, you, you have, you know, now the murder weapon and the police just walk in, wrong place, wrong time, you know, and now you look like you're the guy. It's like, no, I was actually here trying to, you know, serve like a, like bail bonds or some shit like that. [00:37:19] Speaker B: Okay? If I came across a situation where someone was like that and I had a knife, I would give them a clean death just like Slither. [00:37:26] Speaker A: No, no, it wasn't his knife. No, it was not his knife. [00:37:29] Speaker B: Oh, where'd the knife come from? [00:37:30] Speaker A: From inside the guy or beside him. [00:37:34] Speaker B: I know, but if I had a situation, I would be the dude who killed him or he would be gassing me for life and then I would for sure kill him. [00:37:40] Speaker A: You're missing the point entirely. [00:37:42] Speaker B: I know. Cause I wanna harvest his organs. [00:37:44] Speaker A: No. Okay, moving on. Next story. Fuck her. Jesus Christ. Kendrick Lamar and Drake, this is the dumbest shit I have ever heard in my entire life. It's two black rappers that, you know, collaborated in the early parts of their career and now they're just sitting there making diss tracks on each other and fucking. [00:38:13] Speaker B: That's hilarious. [00:38:14] Speaker A: One is from Canada and the other is from LA. And now these two cities are fucking flipping the fuck out because they're like, fuck you, you know? Fuck the big three. There's only big me, you know, shit like that. And they're just going through making diss tracks at one another and it's the dumbest shit ever. This is like, shows me. It's like, put them in the ring. Just put Kendrick Lamar on one side and Drake on the other. Let them fight, you know, whoever fucking wins wins. But now they're like, oh, the beef is done. You own hip hop one. It's like, fuck you, you know, I want to see, you know, just, you know, don't start a beef. Don't start something that doesn't end, you know, awesome. Like, I feel like people just like, make beefs now. Just make, hey, look at us. And now these two rappers are getting talked about on my podcast and a bunch of podcasts all throughout everything. Yeah, and it's like, hey, look, we're. We're beefing and like, public exposure is. [00:39:30] Speaker B: Public exposure, whether it's good or bad. [00:39:33] Speaker A: So, I mean, honestly, of the two, Kendrick is way better. I don't care who the fuck you are or what you think. Kendrick Lamar is way better lyricist, way better rapper in general. [00:39:52] Speaker B: So you've picked a side? [00:39:53] Speaker A: I've picked a side, yes. Fucking Drake is some dude from fucking Nickelodeon or Disney. [00:40:00] Speaker B: So now that you've made a definite decision on who to back up, you are now part of the court of public opinion, right. [00:40:08] Speaker A: Well, I don't give a shit about, you know, what either of them said. I don't listen to either of their music. [00:40:13] Speaker B: But you've still picked a side. [00:40:15] Speaker A: Yeah, of course. [00:40:16] Speaker B: Therefore you have made it. [00:40:17] Speaker A: But, well, no, neither of them did anything wrong. Like, imagine if they're like, hey, like, back in the days when R. Kelly was getting, you know, accused of peeing on little girls. This is a real thing that happened. Are Kelly guilty? Oh, yeah, no, he's in jail. [00:40:40] Speaker B: So he was pissing on little. [00:40:42] Speaker A: Yes, he was. [00:40:42] Speaker B: Okay, continue. [00:40:45] Speaker A: But, you know, people were coming out and defending him. Big. No, he would never do that. You know, he, you know, and the court of public opinion was, you know, on his side and saying, no, he didn't do that. And then the court of real, you know, fucking consequences came out like, hey, yeah, no, he's gonna go to fucking prison for like the next 30 years. [00:41:07] Speaker B: You must appease the populace so you kill one person to satisfy the rest. Being a leader's gotta be difficult if you're a good leader. If you're a bad leader, clearly it's not difficult, Colt. [00:41:32] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, it's whatever. And I don't know if you've seen anything. On to the next story because I don't really give a shit about the whole beef, but apparently this book, Boeing fucking whistleblower, John Barnett, a 62 year old dude, was found dead in his fucking truck. These are the fucking notes that he left behind. And the whole thing has been ruled a suicide. But, you know, I can't do this any longer. Enough Trump 2024. Just like right in the corner, you know, fuck Boeing family and friends. I love you all. You know, just like has like a big ass fucking note. And he was. He worked for Boeing for like 30 years. God damn it. Shit. [00:42:30] Speaker B: You got this, babe. [00:42:31] Speaker A: I don't. Today police say they announced the end investigation into the death of a Boeing whistleblower. But my mouse fucking fell down. Cuz I have to like oh, my God. [00:42:49] Speaker B: You sit on a table like a normal person. [00:42:51] Speaker A: I can't. I'm fucking leaning back and doing the fucking podcast. [00:42:55] Speaker B: My God. [00:42:56] Speaker A: There's a reason why I have a fucking wireless mouse. There's a reason why I bought all this horseshit. [00:43:01] Speaker B: You're having first world problems. I'm sorry. [00:43:04] Speaker A: So, yeah, this dude was found dead in his truck, and I. He worked for Boeing for 32 years, and whistleblower. Was a whistleblower for the company for safety concerns on the fucking planes. I have to say this. There hasn't been a whole lot of fucking issues with any fucking flights. Unless they crash into twin towers or shit like that. That's not on Boeing. That's on the fucking operators. [00:43:31] Speaker B: This literally was a Tom Hanks video last year. [00:43:35] Speaker A: What. [00:43:39] Speaker B: About this kind of stuff about Boeing? Yeah, no, the dude, like, he got. He, like, landed a plane in the river, and everyone was investigating him and trying to prove him that he was at fault. In the last second, you're like, oh, no, he was right. [00:43:52] Speaker A: That's a movie called sully. [00:43:55] Speaker B: Uh huh. [00:43:56] Speaker A: Tom Hanks was an actor that played soli solely. Was. Was not Tom Hanks. [00:44:03] Speaker B: No, but it was played by Tom Hanks. He was the actor. [00:44:06] Speaker A: Yeah, he was the actor. [00:44:08] Speaker B: Yeah. That's as close as I got. [00:44:10] Speaker A: Yeah, it was a. You know, there's, like, fucking birds that went into the engine and it fucking fell into the Hudson. Well, the. The pilot landed it in the Hudson, which inevitably is gonna kill everyone on that plane because they had to touch the Hudson river. [00:44:28] Speaker B: So I learned if your car is, like, in the water, like, it's starting to submerge, it's supposed you don't open the windows. You go to the back and break open the back window. Cause that's designed. That's how the cars are designed to be in that situation. So you don't open your car doors, you go to the back, where it's trying to float upwards, and you break the back window. And that's how you live. [00:44:51] Speaker A: No. Yeah, you live by not going into the fucking water with your car. If you're in the water with your car, you're a fucking retard and you deserve to die. [00:45:02] Speaker B: What if you were hit, you weren't at fault, and you got over a bridge? [00:45:06] Speaker A: Like that one fucking truck? [00:45:08] Speaker B: I don't know. [00:45:09] Speaker A: So there was a truck. This actually happened not too long ago, I think, over in Boston. Like, there's this fucking car that was swerving all over the road over a bridge. And it was like a semi truck fucking hit the semi truck. She lost control, went over the fucking edge. And like, the front of her truck was like hanging over and they like, rappelled down and grabbed her. [00:45:30] Speaker B: Nice. [00:45:30] Speaker A: She's alive. But it's like, if you did that, you know, that's on you. God doesn't want you alive. You know, sometimes, you know, good people die. That. And that's really what it is. [00:45:45] Speaker B: You picked the prettiest flowers from the garden. [00:45:50] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, whatever. [00:45:52] Speaker B: I'm so mad at Aaron Hunter. I will never forgive Feathertail's death. [00:45:57] Speaker A: I don't know what that means. [00:45:58] Speaker B: I know you don't, but I know what it means, and it's painful. [00:46:08] Speaker A: So. But, yeah, so this fucking lunatic is, you know, now dead and fucking conspiracy theorists are going to come out of the woodworks and make it was boeing that killed him. I did it because he, like, they usually do that before he whistle blows, you know, when he comes to the company saying, hey, I'm going to fucking reveal your secrets unless you give me a bunch of money. And they're like, no. And they're like, kill him on the way out. So, you know, see how much time we got. Next story. North Carolina Senate approves bill making it a crime to wear a mask in public. God damn, I love America. They will use discretion in enforcement, like if it's a hospital or some shit like that. But if you're like, just out, you know, wearing it, you know, to college campus, you know, fuck you. Because people were apparently wearing the masks, committing crimes and getting away with it because they were wearing a mask and they couldn't be identified. So now in North Carolina, the law has been passed. That makes it, well, it has to return to the house, but, you know, hopefully it gets passed. So. Goddamn, I love North Carolina. Yeah. [00:47:40] Speaker B: What can I use real quick? [00:47:41] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm gonna do the next story. A man in Hillsboro. A man steals a Hillsboro school bus and drives it to Miami while high and drunk over in Tampa, Florida, because obviously we needed a fucking Florida man. Story a land of lakes man had quite the night after stealing a school bus and going on an illegal field trip. I love it. They call it an illegal field trip. No, he fucking just stole a bus. And the fact that he got anywhere with a fucking school bus lets you know that they couldn't just shoot the fucking tires, just shoot one tire. He's dead. Shoot him. He's not in a bulletproof vest or a bulletproof bus, you know. Um, yeah, he was high and drunk. He didn't fucking just crash it on himself, you know? Fuck this guy. Let me see. His name is Daniel, say as 32 years old. Oh, you're back. [00:48:55] Speaker B: What? [00:48:55] Speaker A: You're back. [00:48:56] Speaker B: I am back. [00:48:57] Speaker A: My wife, you know, cannot fucking last an hour without pissing. [00:49:01] Speaker B: I cannot. I have an autoimmune disease for me. [00:49:04] Speaker A: Which is gonna make it hell traveling across the country. [00:49:07] Speaker B: That's why we got the shiwis. [00:49:10] Speaker A: Did you buy them? [00:49:12] Speaker B: They're coming next week. [00:49:16] Speaker A: So, yeah, they fucking in Florida. They caught this guy stealing a bus. He was high and drunk, crossfaded. As the Kelly boys would say, not when you're stealing a fucking bus. Yeah, and apparently, you know, like, the bus survived. He didn't crash it at all. You know, honestly, I feel like after he gets out of jail, he's gonna get a job. Like, dude, you fucking drove that bus high and drunk. You want a job driving kids? Because we know you can fucking drive. It's gonna be awesome. And time for more fucking insane stories. Parents upset after 8th graders asked to rate Adolf Hitler's attributes at a metro Atlanta school. What? [00:50:09] Speaker B: It's microneoptism. Continue. Um, this is where nazis begin. [00:50:15] Speaker A: It was a local private school, though. [00:50:17] Speaker B: It doesn't matter. It's where it begins. [00:50:22] Speaker A: But, yeah, just rate his attributes. It's like, you know, for killing Jews, I give him, like, an f. Like that. That's a bad thing to do. It's like, no, you have to give him an a because he's really good at killing jews. It's like, ah, I don't want to give him an a. I like the questions. How would you rate Adolf Hitler as a solution seeker? Another question. How would you rate Adolf Hitler as an ethical decision maker? Adolf Hitler was looking for the final solution. I can say an ethical decision maker. I mean, it's not that nice to kill jews. They don't like it. [00:51:11] Speaker B: But this is where stuff is hidden. Like, it says solution seeker. Like, Adolf Hitler did give solutions to situations, but those solutions were wrong. [00:51:21] Speaker A: But not talking about Hitler and brushing it all under the rug. [00:51:27] Speaker B: No, it should be discussed, but not in this manner where it provides good qualities on top of the bad qualities. This is miss. This is answered in a missed informational correctional way. [00:51:39] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, if it was me, yes, I'd give fucking joke answers. You know, Adolf Hitler as a solution. See, I'm sure they're trying to be like, you know, killing Jews was not a great solution for, you know, this. He could have, you know, done this or this or this or killed himself, you know, bad solutions all the way around. [00:52:04] Speaker B: Why is Hitler so prominent? As opposed to, like, the Khmer Rouge, where it's kind of like, oh, we don't know about that. Why do we know so much about this one and not the other, which is. [00:52:13] Speaker A: I mean, I know a whole bunch about Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge, you know, and fucking. [00:52:18] Speaker B: I was never taught that. [00:52:19] Speaker A: The killing fields of Cambodia. [00:52:20] Speaker B: I was only ever taught about Hitler. Like, why wasn't I taught about other ones who also did this same behavior? [00:52:27] Speaker A: Probably because you've never met someone that actually lived through it. [00:52:33] Speaker B: And never important, because we as a country were involved in it. And that's why. That's why it's so prevalent is we took part in it. [00:52:41] Speaker A: Well, I knew a man really well. His name was Samsang. Lived through, you know, the Khmer Rouge has never seen his family since he escaped and has scars and fucking wounds. [00:52:55] Speaker B: That is awful. [00:52:57] Speaker A: And, you know, he's willing to talk about it. [00:53:00] Speaker B: But the thing is, you learn from someone who experienced it. You weren't taught it in school. That's why I learned. [00:53:07] Speaker A: Well, that's, like, the number one. The number one was, like, in China. [00:53:10] Speaker B: Exactly. And that wasn't taught. We're only taught about Hitler. Why is that? [00:53:15] Speaker A: Because the Jews finance the schools and they're like, learn about our fucking struggles. [00:53:23] Speaker B: Like, so eye opening and yet still so blind. [00:53:26] Speaker A: Because it's fun to hate Nazis. Like, the fucking Khmer Rouge. They're already dead. You know, the people that fucking, you know, did all this awful shit, they're already dead. The Nazis. It's so much fun to fucking hate them and kill them in fucking. Wolfenstein. [00:53:42] Speaker B: This is a lack of empathy. [00:53:46] Speaker A: I mean, honestly, what's done is done. Who's dead is dead. [00:53:49] Speaker B: And, you know, yes, I do agree with your statement. [00:53:52] Speaker A: You can't, you know, big, oh, you poor things. And make them back into life. Make it not happen. It's like, how about this? You don't hate someone to the point where you're like, I'm gonna fucking go kill them. So, like, Romanian is searching for three missing crew after ship sinks in Black Sea, which is crazy, because they're looking for three black seamen, but it's only a crew of three on a ship, which means it's probably just a fishing ship. And those guys are dead. 100% dead. [00:54:34] Speaker B: They're looking for the bodies at this point. [00:54:39] Speaker A: Yeah, they're commercial vessels. Eight of the. Okay, that. So there's eleven. Eight of them were rescued by a commercial vessel, Michael, which was nearest to the accident place. And they're looking for the other three. They're dead. Yes, they're dead, but authority said why. It's unclear whether ship had sunk, but, yeah, they're looking in the Black Sea. You know, it's like, bring police officers. He'll start shooting the water, make sure they're dead. [00:55:13] Speaker B: An empty casket is like taking home an empty carrier after putting your pet down. [00:55:19] Speaker A: I need, like, another guy on this podcast. That way, you can, like, laugh at my racist jokes. Just, like, call Ben in on it. Make Ben laugh at my racist jokes. [00:55:29] Speaker B: I'm sorry, but I refuse to laugh at racist jokes. [00:55:31] Speaker A: They're pretty funny, though. [00:55:33] Speaker B: It doesn't matter. [00:55:34] Speaker A: My mom has been, like, I guess, telling people about this shit. So it's like, if you know my mom, you know a fucking white mexican lady, and she told you to come here and listen to this horseshit, she's a bad person for doing that. She hates you. [00:55:52] Speaker B: Probably the best thing about your mom is that she loves me more than she loves you. [00:55:57] Speaker A: She's like, my daughter in law is on the podcast, and she's great because she doesn't laugh at my son's racist jokes. [00:56:06] Speaker B: I will not. I'll laugh at your funny ones that aren't racist, though. [00:56:10] Speaker A: Oh, every joke is racist. [00:56:12] Speaker B: The ones I find funny, I will laugh at. [00:56:16] Speaker A: I mean, she doesn't laugh at any of my jokes, so every single joke I make is racist. We got time for. Am I the assholes and shit? [00:56:26] Speaker B: All right, well, no, my bottom piece. We can go as long as you want. Now. [00:56:32] Speaker A: We'Ll start off with a relationship advice by a throwaway counter. 4919. How do I. 31 female, bring up to my husband. 27 male. That I bleed after sex with my husband. [00:56:47] Speaker B: Oh, honey. Oh. [00:56:50] Speaker A: My husband and I have a rambunctious two year old. Rambunctious. That's a great word. Since our kid was born, I lost interest in sex. I don't have a libido and hate the way that my body looks. He has always been a great husband and father, so it's not about him. It's about me. I've gotten to the doctor about my libido issue. I'm not on antidepressants, and hormonally, I'm fine, so there's no medical problem. However, I knew that coming up on two years without sex is hard for something to deal with. A few months ago, friends of ours got divorced for the same reason her lost libido. And people knew, and people I knew agreed it was her fault because of the lack of sex. I never wanted to get divorced. I love my husband, and I don't want to lose him. We now have sex a couple times a week. I end up bleeding a bit after sex. I went to the ob gyn. [00:57:49] Speaker B: Ob gyn. [00:57:52] Speaker A: I know it's funny because, you know, I don't ever have to go to that. And she said it wasn't an underlying medical issue, just the lack, just largely lack of v stretch and some friction. [00:58:05] Speaker B: That's an underlying medical issue. [00:58:08] Speaker A: I just want to make it clear that lube and more lube will not help the bleeding. I've tried dilation and pelvic floor therapy. My walls just don't stretch. It's not attention tensing issue. I don't have vaginismus. I don't know what that is. [00:58:25] Speaker B: I also don't know what that is. [00:58:29] Speaker A: I made the mistake of telling my best friend about this, and she said, I need to tell my husband immediately or she would. I begged her not to. She also agreed that our friend who got divorced was at fault, or at least sexually incompatible. And she said that it's my husband, and she's always said that my husband is great, and we're lucky to have each other. My objin found that lubrication doesn't stem the bleeding after the sex. She is a third gynecologist I've seen, and I didn't have hormone issues or vaginismus. The line doesn't help. Doesn't help because the inner friction caused by my v walls has not been stretching. It's not a function of relaxing those muscles if you add vaginismus. So while I think that's a lube, while lube can help with the lack of lubrication, it can't fix the lack of stretch. Is there a way to gently bring this up to my husband without making him upset? I really want to emphasize that I love him and he didn't do anything wrong. Tell him that your dick makes his pussy makes your pussy bleed, and he will high five all of his friends till his hand is bleeding and like, hey, look, we're bleeding. We're blood people. [00:59:53] Speaker B: How long has she been letting this happen to her? [00:59:56] Speaker A: Fucking like a couple weeks. [00:59:58] Speaker B: Darling, just tell him if he's truly a good partner, he'll understand, and he'll help you figure out new ways to enjoy intercourse. There's a really good book out there called she comes first. And it's really good about how to address these situations and handle them moving forward and make sure it's still pleasurable for both parties. Like, he can make adjustments to accommodate her, but that's never going to happen. If she does this, speak up for herself. [01:00:24] Speaker A: Lame. [01:00:26] Speaker B: I'm so sorry, LP. It's hard to be brave sometimes. [01:00:31] Speaker A: So I have to say this, um, as a dude, like, if you're pussy bled every time I fucked you, um, and you're like, hey, I don't want to fuck anymore. Um, I would recommend opening up the relationship. Like, if you're like, hey, I don't want to, you know, have sex anymore. Um, you can't put your penis inside me. You know, just be like, hey, you know, open up the relationship or, you know, do threesomes or some shit like that. [01:01:03] Speaker B: Well, no, they can also learn to work with what she has. Like, he can work on not penetrating as far. They can be more like, there's things that can be accommodated so that, yeah. [01:01:12] Speaker A: I mean, if you're gonna fucking have. [01:01:14] Speaker B: Sex, it's just things seem to change in how it happens. Adjustments need to be made. [01:01:20] Speaker A: I mean, they did two years without sex. It's like, if you're like, hey, I. [01:01:23] Speaker B: Don'T want to have sex anymore because she bleeds afterwards. And if she's bleeding, that means she's hurting. Not necessarily, no, it hurts when you bleed. [01:01:36] Speaker A: I've bled a bunch and I'm like, yeah, whatever. So, I mean, honestly, what it could be is some scarring issues. [01:01:48] Speaker B: Yeah, clearly something has changed and that's not her fault. [01:01:54] Speaker A: But, well, I mean, the fact that she just is like, hey, I don't want to have sex for two years. [01:02:01] Speaker B: Has she given him any explanation or has she been lying? That's also a big part she doesn't feel that comfortable to talk to him about. This is not a good thing, you know? [01:02:13] Speaker A: Or like, here's what you can do. Get, like, a fleshlight. As long as he comes, he's fine. He doesn't care if it's like in a flashlight. Get like one of those, like, little fucking, like, sex dolls. [01:02:24] Speaker B: You agree? Adjustments can be made so that it works, but you. [01:02:29] Speaker A: You have to be, you know, fine with the weirdness of it. And it's like, I'm just like, saying, you know, hey, you. You fucking, you know, brought this on yourself. Let's see what the Shelby, the turd. Just explain it to like you did in your post. Voice your concerns and how much you appreciate them. I know you said it multiple times. This is a physical issue, not mental. But sex and libido tend to be complex and have many contributing factors that include that also influence one another. Since you've gone on the doctor route and they haven't been able to help, would you consider seeing a sex therapist? [01:03:11] Speaker B: Therapist? Yes. [01:03:13] Speaker A: They may be able to offer suggestions and help you get out of this bind. Pelvic floor physiotherapist here. Your vaginal tissues are like any other tissues in your body. They need graded exposure and time to adapt. Your body went from zero to 100 by having no sex in two years and having it twice a week. That's a massive jump. I compare it to never running and then suddenly trying to run a marathon without training. If you did that, your feet would chafe in your shoes and you get blisters in addition to a MSK injury. Muscle tendon. In your case, you absolutely need to treat this as a load management issue. Your vaginal tissues need time to adapt. First off, you need to talk to your husband. Let him know you're committed to finding a solution. But yeah, I mean, here, you know. [01:04:10] Speaker B: Just, well, what if we've been having sex forever, then all of a sudden I said to you, actually, when we have. When we sex, I bleed afterwards. Like, how would you feel in that situation? [01:04:21] Speaker A: The fact that you didn't tell me exactly, it's like, yeah, I guess I'll just, you know, jerk off and like. [01:04:31] Speaker B: Like, would you feel guilty? [01:04:32] Speaker A: No. I'd fucking high five all my friends. I'd call Ben. I'd be like, Ben, guess what? My dick is so huge, it makes her fucking pussy bleed metal. Right. [01:04:44] Speaker B: Well, how do you feel knowing it took that it took me so long to confide that to you? [01:04:51] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm just like, yeah, women problems. Yeah, she's used to her pussy bleeding, these dames. Yeah. I mean, I. I'm not a good guy. I don't know why you married me. That. That's on you. Like, like, you get everything that comes to you at this point. [01:05:12] Speaker B: Okay, I don't understand what you mean. [01:05:13] Speaker A: By that comment, but you married a monster. And then you're like, my husband's a monster. It's like, I warned you I was a monster. I told you upfront, just continue. Yeah, well, whatever. We're at the end of the podcast anyway. Let me see what the am I the asshole was? Because I. Am I the asshole for refusing to go to my originally assigned seat on the plane? No. Tough shit. Fucking, you know, if someone asks you to change seats, so now just sit in your fucking seat. Like. Like, I never understood people on planes that are like, you know, and they complain. It's like you're fucking flying in the sky and you're maybe doing it for four, five, 6 hours. Just sit the fuck down, you know, enjoy your fucking shitty movie. Take a runny dump and be done with it. What? [01:06:18] Speaker B: I'm just reading it. But the math. Your mic's in the way. So I do wave back and forth. [01:06:24] Speaker A: You know, pretty much. It's a dude that has a kid, I think, you know, he's traveling with a 19 month old son on a three hour flight. Yeah, go fuck yourself. Enjoy your three hour flight. Go take a shit, watch a movie. You're done. You know, stop complaining over 3 hours. Now, if it's like a 27 hours flight, okay, maybe. But, you know, if you're paying that much, like, know where you're sitting, you know, you're planning to sleep on a flight. Ugh. [01:07:11] Speaker B: Why don't we sedate children the way we sedate animals when they go on planes? [01:07:16] Speaker A: Um, how about this? If you have a child, you don't get to get on a plane. [01:07:23] Speaker B: No, just to date the fucker so he's. [01:07:25] Speaker A: No, no. How about this? If you have a kid, until your kid is five years old, they don't get to go on a plane. [01:07:32] Speaker B: So, like, when people travel with their cats, we always insist they either get, like they. A lot of times, gabapentin is used to just help them, like, either a, or chill out, or b, they just snooze. They're like, oh, my God. Now that's time to nap. So the cat's not losing its freaking mind and yelling on the plane. So why don't we do that with infants? [01:07:52] Speaker A: Tough. You know, how about this? You know, if you have, you know, a baby that cries, some that go, you know, they don't get to get on the plane. You don't get to fucking take him anywhere. You have to fucking take him on a bus. And it's like, well, I want to take him back to, you know, bus. [01:08:11] Speaker B: Go in 3 hours. Compared to a plane. [01:08:16] Speaker A: You can get to, like, in 3 hours. I can get to, like, Wyoming from here. [01:08:20] Speaker B: Yeah, but you couldn't do that on a bus. [01:08:24] Speaker A: No. On a bus? Yes. [01:08:25] Speaker B: How much on a plane then? Like, which can go far? Which can go farther in the period of 3 hours? [01:08:30] Speaker A: Well, I mean, planes go 600 miles. [01:08:32] Speaker B: An hour, so the plane goes further than a bus, meaning she would need more time on the bus. [01:08:36] Speaker A: Mm hmm. Yeah. Or take a fucking car like an adult. If you're having children, you better have your fucking life together. And if you don't and you're like, oh, my life is falling the fuck apart and I need to take my baby, you know, on vacation or some shit like that. Tough shit. No, but, you know, whatever, you know, wait until your fucking kid is at least, you know, three or four and fucking can talk and, you know, doesn't shit on the plane. [01:09:11] Speaker B: I don't know why we don't sedate children the way we do animals. I find it mind boggling. [01:09:17] Speaker A: I find it mind boggling when fucking parents ignore their crying baby on a plane or let their children run up and down the alleys and just be. [01:09:25] Speaker B: Like, okay, there's a difference between an infant crying and your children running up and down the always. You are 100% in charge of making sure that doesn't happen. [01:09:33] Speaker A: No, no. I don't care if your fucking baby cries, if you're attending to it, if you are trying, if you're a trying mother that is, like, heavier. It's usually a mother. If you. If you have your baby and you're trying everything you fucking possibly can, like giving him food, giving him teddy, whatever the fuck you need to do, and you're, you know, actually trying to fucking calm the baby down. Sure, no problems with that. It's when, like, fucking, like, mother and father, zonk the fuck out and just sleeping while the baby's sitting there crying. It's fucking head off. It's like, you are an irresponsible fucking piece of shit. And it's like, at that point when you land, like, they should just be like, hey, you just got put on the no fly list. [01:10:17] Speaker B: I mean, this first time the baby's ever experienced something like that. [01:10:20] Speaker A: No, no, no. I have no problem if the baby cries. Remember I said that up front? I have no problem if a baby cries. If one of the fucking guardians is taking care of the kid. If you are trying and the baby is still crying, no problem. I see that you are trying. I see that you are putting in the effort to try and get this baby to calm down. It's when you know they're in the middle seats in the middle of the plane, fucking both of them passed out, and the baby's just sitting there crying. And you were ignoring it. [01:10:52] Speaker B: So we need the short bus version of a plane for families with children. [01:10:59] Speaker A: Or how about this? You don't get to get on a fucking plane. You don't get to have a vacation. You don't get to have anything fun because you decided to bring life into this world. Congratulations. You get to have a baby and everyone else gets to have a nice vacation without crying. Fucking shithead kids. [01:11:18] Speaker B: It's on a plane. For how long? 3 hours. [01:11:22] Speaker A: What? [01:11:23] Speaker B: It was. [01:11:24] Speaker A: Yeah, he was on a plane for 3 hours. [01:11:26] Speaker B: So yeah, that's nothing to complain about. Like a twelve hour flight. [01:11:32] Speaker A: I've seen mothers in restaurants where like, the child is misbehaving and they like, take the child and leave the restaurant in embarrassment. They pay their bill and leave embarrassed to all hell. And it's like, you know, that is a good fucking parent. And it's like, okay, I get that you're trying. I have no problem with you, you know, your kid was screaming and you fucking dealt with it. You know, whatever. But if you're gonna ignore your fucking child and let it scream, you know, it's especially these parents that, you know, are like, I'm just gonna let my kid run up and down the fucking alley or run around the airport because I'm tired, I'm tie tie tough. Guess what? You don't get to go have a vacation now fucking have a vacation at home. [01:12:17] Speaker B: You scroll down so I can read comments. [01:12:23] Speaker A: Not the asshole. You paid for a seat. The airline accommodated you and explained to the other passenger, yeah. So apparently what he did was he paid for a seat, got an extra seat for his kid, and, you know, somebody bought a seat thinking that row is going to be empty. And it wasn't. It wasn't. And yes, you can pay for the entire row. You said you just have to buy every seat in the row. [01:12:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:13:03] Speaker A: You know, so like, I like that. That's the thing that also annoys me is like, when you buy like an entire row, people will be like, hey, is anybody sitting here? Can I sit here? No. I specifically bought these two seats and I can, you know, I want them to just be able to have my own fucking row. [01:13:22] Speaker B: Like, when I flew out to our wedding before the ceremony, I bought an extra plane ticket for my gown to sit on because it wouldn't qualify as a carry on and there's no way in hell I was going to check my wedding dress. [01:13:33] Speaker A: Okay, but that, that's it for this episode. Ran a little bit over. That's fine, whatever. Thank you all so much for being here. I mean, I feel like I have to thank people for like, wasting like an hour and 15 minutes of lives. [01:13:50] Speaker B: It never hurts to say thank you. [01:13:52] Speaker A: Thank you for being here. You're good people, I think. Or, or you're just like masochists. Like, you know, your fucking dom, like, locked you in the room and back. Listen, to this podcast and press play while you're, like, blindfolded, gagged and tied down. Like, no, why is my penis hard? This is the worst thing in the world. This is awful. You can just do that. Just do that to all your fucking little subs. It's just like fucking time down. Fucking force them to listen to this podcast over and over. Just like, just put the entire fucking, you know, show, you know, out there. Just be like, hey, look, there's like four years of this podcast. Oh, boy. You're gonna have to listen to it all before I let you out. And just like, you know, I come back and he's dead. Bit his tongue off, killed himself. Ah. So don't get any ideas. Please don't fucking kill yourself to my podcast. You know, if you're gonna be listening to a podcast and kill yourself, let, like, go to, like, Joe Rogan experience or something. Our legion of skanks or the regs. Any other good podcast. But yeah, see you all fucking next week. Bye.