Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Alrighty everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Human podcast. We got me, Alex the truck, your host, the one that presses record, I hopefully. And then we got my wife here. No, Courtney, this week you got pushed out today due to, you know, being tired and so. Yeah, now here we are.
Let me just say, people that come out here and try and drive in the snow, if you are a transplant from California and you've never driven in the snow, and the news and everything says, hey, you know there's going to be snow, you know, we don't tell you if it's just going to be like boot, you know, like a little handful of snow. We warn you about a lot of snow.
If the Marquis and everything on the road is like, hey, snow, stay the fuck home.
Stay the home, you dumb ass idiots.
Like, like it's non stop. Like legitimately this entire week it's been snowing like all week, non stop. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
And the amount of car crashes, I've seen probably a hundred car crashes just this week, just in Colorado, because people would come out of the woodworks, you know, oh, I came here from California. Oh, it's the first time it snowed. I didn't get any snow tires. And then they fucking in the ditch upside down or you know, whatever the, like, I lost count, like just on I, 25 coming back home, you know, probably 25 just in Pueblo alone. It was crazy.
So I have to give this PSA out to all you people that have never seen snow, never been in snow. California, Florida, Texas, all these fucking summer states.
Stay out of Colorado. You're not welcome here. Especially during the wintertime. Stay home or order or order a Lyft or Uber or some like that.
Do not be out here driving on the roads.
You know, that, that, that's, you know, the beginning of the end of my psa.
I, I've been dealing with snow all goddamn week.
But election season is finally done.
You know, people are no longer friends. People are better friends. You know, people act like, you know, going out and getting a little I voted sticker actually matters. It doesn't.
Now, I did go out to the local high school. They had a little room and like a table of people that I had to hand my ID to and they print out the ballot, they're like, hey, go over to like these weird little boxes that have like a little sharpie in it and vote.
And I, I did, I went over there, I voted. I did my part to vote for the president. And then all the local election here in Colorado and I did not get my way. I have to say that right now there was a proposition, proposition KK out here.
It would impose a 6.5% sales tax on the sale of firearms and ammunition and gun parts and all that with the revenues going towards crime victim services, mental health services and school security.
It passed with 40 or 54.3%.
All of you non gun owners out here that have no idea what the fuck that means, they're not going to use any of that money for anything that they ever said they were going to.
And then you're just going to make, oh, you gun owners have to spend more money on it.
And it's like now if someone kills you with a gun, they're really going to mean it cuz they had to spend an extra 6.5% on killing you, you dumb idiots.
All it means is I'm just going to go to a different state to get all my guns and ammunition.
Well, not guns. I, I'll, I'll get like the base part, like the serialized part and then go to another state and buy the rest of it.
I, I, I hate these people. I, I truly do, you know, but we did, you know, get rid of the ban on same sex marriage, Colorado Amendment J.
And what's crazy what, what blows my mind, it only passed with 64.3%.
I know it passed though. It passed. That means, you know, 30, you know, 5% of you are against same sex marriage.
You know, we, which honestly you need to stop. Like you know, we're in 2024, you're allowed to be gay. You know, like you, you should like want more gay men because they are the hottest dudes and they take themselves out of the female dating pool so women have to lower their standards to where it is. You what? Like do you think I could be gay, babe?
[00:05:55] Speaker B: What do you mean think?
[00:05:57] Speaker A: Do you, do you think I could be gay?
[00:05:59] Speaker B: I think you are gay at times.
[00:06:01] Speaker A: Damn.
I mean pretty much everything out here passed.
The, the one thing that didn't really pass as you are still allowed to kill a mountain lion, bobcat or lynx if you're out in the middle of nowhere.
[00:06:19] Speaker B: Why? And why aren't wolves on there?
[00:06:22] Speaker A: Because wolves are not.
[00:06:23] Speaker B: This is discrimination against big cats.
[00:06:25] Speaker A: Wolves aren't out here.
[00:06:27] Speaker B: We don't have brown wolves out here.
[00:06:28] Speaker A: We don't have brown, gray wolves. Excuse me?
[00:06:31] Speaker B: No, I thought we had gray wolves. Do we not.
[00:06:33] Speaker A: We don't have any wolves out here.
[00:06:36] Speaker B: What?
[00:06:37] Speaker A: We don't have wolves.
But like I have never seen a lynx out here I've seen bobcats and mountain lions for sure.
I've seen porcupines, I've seen bears. I've seen all kinds of wild animals. Never a lynx. They're just like more shy.
[00:06:59] Speaker B: Okay, all right. No. So I'm not crazy. So there used to be gray wolves. You are correct. They did go extinct. They did start a reintroduction program in 2013. And as of 2024, at least nine adult wolves and four pups have been seen since the reintroduction program starting back in 2023.
[00:07:18] Speaker A: Which, it's not great numbers.
[00:07:20] Speaker B: Well, reint, it's not easy to reintroduce an extinct species.
[00:07:24] Speaker A: Yeah, same thing with I think grizzly bears out here in Colorado. I think grizzly bears have been dead for like, you know, 25, 30 years in Colorado.
[00:07:34] Speaker B: Yeah, a lot of species have been hunted out here.
[00:07:38] Speaker A: Oh no, like it wasn't like hunted to extinction. They just, you know, left because all the hippies moved in. Like, we hate hippies.
[00:07:47] Speaker B: Oh my God.
[00:07:50] Speaker A: But that one, you know, proposition 128 or 129 rather.
[00:07:58] Speaker B: Yeah, it's disgusting.
[00:07:59] Speaker A: The ballot would authorize veterinary professional associates to work in the state under the supervision of a licensed veterinarian.
Barely fucking pass.
[00:08:10] Speaker B: Like it should not have come to the general voting. I don't know how it got into the general populace of voting. Stuff like this needs to go through the American Veterinary association because there are people who are in charge of doing lobbying and making laws and stuff. This somehow got circumnavigated around them. And like the, this is, this is bullshit. Literally this means you can go to college, have a masters of whatever the fuck you want, do their two year program and you know, I get to go be a vet.
That's two years of online training for surgery, for emergency services. Like this is going to kill pets.
Like this was funded by Mars and Chewy.
That's who funded these people. Mars owns Banfield. They're negotiating to try to own VCA. So.
But this is 100 profit driven.
[00:09:04] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, but here's what happens. If you go and do a surgery, you it up, you're gonna get sued for sure someone's gonna come in. Malpractice lawsuit.
[00:09:20] Speaker B: Oh yeah, no, it's, it's not going to.
[00:09:25] Speaker A: You know, like now, now there's a police training fund.
It provides $350 million for local law enforcement, for training and hiring and paying law officers, as well as survivor benefits to those killed on the line of duty.
But when you go out here and be like, how many police officers died in 2023 in Colorado? You know, law enforcement officers. Yeah. Off A.D. no one cares, you know, and you know, for everybody in the entire United States, 148.
[00:10:13] Speaker B: I don't know if that's good or bad.
What is? Okay, obviously unidentified means unidentified, but they.
[00:10:21] Speaker A: Don'T know why they died.
[00:10:22] Speaker B: Yeah, it's hilarious.
[00:10:25] Speaker A: But yeah, I mean, like just, you know, vehicle crashes. 23.
[00:10:30] Speaker B: Yeah. Spell. Right.
[00:10:34] Speaker A: And it's like that, that, that's not a lot, you know, I feel like if you die on your own, what.
[00:10:40] Speaker B: Is a 911 related illness?
[00:10:43] Speaker A: Oh. So it, like during 9 11, people got really sad. They got the blues.
[00:10:54] Speaker B: Uh huh.
[00:10:55] Speaker A: And then like the blues just got bluer and bluer until they died.
They were like really sad about, oh.
[00:11:03] Speaker B: My God, I was with you. I was there with you for like 75% of what just came out of your mouth. Oh my God.
Christ, that's embarrassing.
[00:11:17] Speaker A: No, I, I think what it is is there's.
[00:11:19] Speaker B: Well, don't think. Click on it.
[00:11:21] Speaker A: Well, I mean, you can't click on it.
[00:11:22] Speaker B: Oh, it's not a. Oh.
[00:11:23] Speaker A: Oh, you can. That's crazy.
But I, I'm pretty damn sure they used a lot of chemicals like in that.
And like some of them got hit or crushed or whatever.
[00:11:37] Speaker B: And when was 9 11?
[00:11:40] Speaker A: Fucking 2001. 2001.
[00:11:42] Speaker B: 2001?
[00:11:42] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, over 20 years ago.
[00:11:45] Speaker B: So these people are dead?
[00:11:47] Speaker A: Well, they, they got sick during 9 11. Like they might have like fallen or something like that and through complications.
[00:11:56] Speaker B: But wasn't a 911 in New York?
[00:11:59] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:11:59] Speaker B: So why is it here in Colorado?
[00:12:01] Speaker A: This is the entire United States.
This is everybody.
[00:12:06] Speaker B: Oh, I thought this was just everyone who died in this. In the Springs.
[00:12:09] Speaker A: Oh no, this Colorado. So for 20, 23, three people or four people died.
[00:12:15] Speaker B: Okay. This is why I was so confused.
[00:12:19] Speaker A: One person, Sergeant Michael Moran, died a gunfire.
A community parole officer and the community department of corrections.
Oh yeah, I. I fucking actually know about that guy. Holy shit. That's crazy.
Yeah, that, that was a crazy fucking day. That guy was on my route.
[00:12:42] Speaker B: Huh. Like you passed him after he died?
[00:12:45] Speaker A: No, so like I have to go that way anyway, huh.
And he pulled over. Two dudes were like part of the mafia or part of the mob or some like that. Like, you know, part of like cartel, some like that.
And as he walked up to the door, the guy just shot him. And it was a wild manhunt. One guy got captured alive. They just shot the other guy to death.
[00:13:12] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:13] Speaker A: And the turnout for that guy's death was insane.
Like, probably like 300 officers came to pay their respects. Like, from what I hear, he was actually a pretty good dude.
So yeah, I do know about one of these and then three others. One person was in the United States Air Force security forces, died in a car crash.
Christine Sandoval died from vehicular assault. So someone ran her over and then somebody else died from a fall. Probably Fountain police department.
[00:13:56] Speaker B: I shouldn't be laughing.
Oh my God.
[00:14:03] Speaker A: Dickhead. Probably was like, you know, let's see if like.
No, it doesn't actually say like, what happened to it. Let's see if we can find out if he like.
Oh, details on what happened to his deadly fall.
He fell 40 foot from an overpass. I thought he was rock climbing.
[00:14:28] Speaker B: Oh, okay. I. Some reason assumed, even pushed off a building, so from an overpass.
[00:14:39] Speaker A: So yeah, he. He died in the line of duty technically. So yeah, no, he is a little bit, you know, more respect.
But yeah, four people died last year. Yeah, get, get real. Like we, we don't need $350 million.
Like you do get like, you know, the pension and all that.
But like me as a truck driver, if I am to die, you know, there is a non taxpayer fund for my wife that she gets if I die in the line of duty.
[00:15:20] Speaker B: How soon would it take me to get the money?
[00:15:22] Speaker A: Pretty quick.
[00:15:23] Speaker B: Okay. Like before the next mortgage payment would.
[00:15:25] Speaker A: Be due, I would have enough money in my account.
[00:15:28] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:15:29] Speaker A: To pay that mortgage payment.
[00:15:31] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:15:33] Speaker A: And like my bank accounts already linked to it, so you just have to like log in and then boom, boom, boom, and then you're good.
[00:15:40] Speaker B: How do I log into your bank account?
[00:15:42] Speaker A: No, to the mortgage account.
[00:15:44] Speaker B: Oh, I am.
[00:15:45] Speaker A: Oh, I mean, you can.
[00:15:48] Speaker B: Never mind.
[00:15:49] Speaker A: It's fine.
You know, like, I don't plan on dying.
[00:15:54] Speaker B: I don't plan on you dying either. It's just we both know how completely unable I am to live by myself.
[00:16:01] Speaker A: So I mean, if anything was to happen, you could, I'm sure, you know, call my mom and she would, you know, walk you through the steps of, you know, getting the insurance money.
[00:16:13] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Your mom and dad would have to hold my hand for like the next year of my life.
[00:16:19] Speaker A: They would too, if I die.
[00:16:22] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:23] Speaker A: Nah, I don't die. I don't die very well.
[00:16:27] Speaker B: Do you want a funeral?
[00:16:29] Speaker A: Do I want a funeral?
I want like a party. I feel like a party would be pretty dope.
[00:16:35] Speaker B: All right, we can do awake.
[00:16:39] Speaker A: I mean, like, I'll be asleep for it, but.
[00:16:46] Speaker B: I'm not gonna laugh at that. You already laughed for yourself.
[00:16:53] Speaker A: But, you know, like, I want, like, strippers, you know, cocaine.
[00:16:59] Speaker B: I don't know how to get cocaine. Will the strippers tell me how to get to cocaine?
[00:17:04] Speaker A: I'm sure the strippers will deal you cocaine.
[00:17:06] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, the strippers, they just, like, come with, like, it's like a combo package.
[00:17:10] Speaker A: I mean, you've never done cocaine, so, like.
[00:17:13] Speaker B: No, I haven't.
[00:17:14] Speaker A: Go ahead and cut the cocaine out.
[00:17:16] Speaker B: Oh, I'll do cocaine for you. Nah, I won't, actually. I value my nose.
[00:17:23] Speaker A: But, like. Like, fun drugs and alcohol and, like, strippers.
Then invite all my friends.
[00:17:33] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:17:34] Speaker A: Then be like, hey, Alex, for some reason, died to something stupid, too. Like, it'll be like a snail bite. Like a snail bit him. It's like snails don't have teeth. They're like, this one did, and it bit him, killed him.
Like, you know what would be fun?
[00:17:56] Speaker B: Wait, What?
[00:17:58] Speaker A: Do snails not have teeth?
[00:18:00] Speaker B: I don't know.
[00:18:01] Speaker A: Snails don't have teeth.
Why would they have teeth?
[00:18:04] Speaker B: I don't think they have teeth, but I know they have to have something because they're like. They eat the way sea urchins do, don't they?
[00:18:12] Speaker A: They don't have mandibles.
[00:18:14] Speaker B: You don't have mandibles to have teeth. Like, fucking like, goddamn. What the hell are they called? The suckerfish. The ones that are long tubes. They're not eels.
[00:18:24] Speaker A: Do snails have teeth?
Yes, snails have teeth.
[00:18:29] Speaker B: Okay. Yeah, they eat, like, sea urchins.
[00:18:32] Speaker A: Snails have thousands of microscopic teeth. Some say snails have between 1,000 and 12,000 teeth, while others say they can have over 25,000 teeth.
That is insane.
[00:18:46] Speaker B: How did you think they.
[00:18:47] Speaker A: They ate, like, you know, like sponges.
[00:18:52] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:18:53] Speaker A: Like. Like, they just put something like. Like anything that, like, touches them. Like, they just, like, absorb, you know, around them. Like. Like their mucus, like, breaks it down and it absorbs it in.
[00:19:04] Speaker B: You're not wrong on how kind of derms eat. You're not wrong, but they do not eat like sponges.
[00:19:14] Speaker A: Yeah, no, apparently they. They have a ton of teeth.
[00:19:17] Speaker B: Yeah, they. No, they scrape shit clean. They're like cat. They, like, they're.
Oh, my God. They're scavengers.
[00:19:26] Speaker A: That. That also reminds me of the other thing I learned this weekend.
Cake is not bread. Apparently cake is a bread. Like, it has to be.
[00:19:39] Speaker B: No, it is not. Cake is a dessert, and it's made with sugar. Bread typically is not made with sugar. So milk or.
[00:19:48] Speaker A: So what about sugar bread?
[00:19:49] Speaker B: Sweet bread is pancreas I thought pancreas.
[00:19:54] Speaker A: Was an organ or something.
[00:19:55] Speaker B: Yes. No, sweet. No, sweet bread is a pancreas. That's the name for when you're. That's what it's called when you eat it. It's called sweet breads.
[00:20:02] Speaker A: So, like pancakes, waffles, grapes, cakes.
[00:20:07] Speaker B: They have eggs, flour, milk, and sugar.
[00:20:12] Speaker A: They should not be cake.
[00:20:14] Speaker B: And they're not made with yeast. Their leavening agents is baking powder powder or baking soda and whatever it's best to use for the fuck it's called.
[00:20:22] Speaker A: Well, I mean, it should just be, like, a fake, you know, cake. Like, how they can have the Beyond Beef. It's not technically beef. It's not technically a cow. It works exactly the same. Just kind of tastes like shittier. But, you know, in this case, cake tastes better.
[00:20:39] Speaker B: Cake tastes better than what?
[00:20:41] Speaker A: Bread?
[00:20:42] Speaker B: I don't want sour dough. Cake.
[00:20:48] Speaker A: Like, just having, you know, like a. Like, it doesn't have to be sweet. Like, pancakes on their own are not sweet. Waffles on their own are not sweet. That's why you add, you know, like, maple syrup.
[00:21:03] Speaker B: Cake is not bread. I'm very sorry, babe.
[00:21:07] Speaker A: Like, waffle is a bread. It has to be.
[00:21:09] Speaker B: No, it's made with eggs, milk, and sugar. There's no yeast. Okay.
[00:21:13] Speaker A: I can make a waffle sandwich. So it works exactly the same as bread, if not better, because it has, like, little holes in it.
It. It's bread.
[00:21:25] Speaker B: You can use it as a bread. Yes, but it is not. Bread and cake are two different things.
[00:21:32] Speaker A: You're, like, trying to.
[00:21:32] Speaker B: Bread has yeast in it.
[00:21:35] Speaker A: You're, like, trying to convince me that a rectangle is not a square and a rectangle is a square.
[00:21:40] Speaker B: Wait, I thought a square was a rectangle.
[00:21:45] Speaker A: I mean, that's the same thing. They're both square, rectangle things.
[00:21:49] Speaker B: Okay. No, the rectangle has extra ingredients.
I'm not quite sure how I. How I wanted that to come out. Came out.
[00:21:56] Speaker A: But extra ingredients?
[00:21:58] Speaker B: Yeah, There's a little bit of sugar.
[00:22:00] Speaker A: To the square, and now it's a rectangle.
Yeah. No, it.
You know, everything is everything.
[00:22:18] Speaker B: That statement cannot be denied.
[00:22:20] Speaker A: Like a cannon is a gun.
It's something that shoots projectile using an explosive force. Like, anything that does that, you know, it's got. Like a cat is a child.
[00:22:31] Speaker B: So is a piston a gun.
[00:22:34] Speaker A: It doesn't shoot it using explosive force.
[00:22:36] Speaker B: Oh. But there's an explosive, and there's movement afterwards. So I kind of assume that correlates piston.
[00:22:42] Speaker A: Yes. Like, if it's. If, like, you took a.
A car Piston and uses gasoline to drive the piston. And like, those pistons shot, you know, projectiles out. Yes, that could be considered a gun, but since it doesn't shoot anything out, has no projectiles, then no, it is not a gun.
But I mean, like, you just like, look at the world and it's like, you could simplify everything down, but scientists need a job to do, so they're just like, let's complicate everything.
Let's make more languages. You could have just done like three languages and called it good, but nope, you made like 800 million languages.
[00:23:30] Speaker B: It'd be boring otherwise.
[00:23:32] Speaker A: That. To communicate with everybody easily.
How would that be boring?
[00:23:39] Speaker B: English is not a nice sounding language.
[00:23:42] Speaker A: English is the most complicated language.
Hugely complicated. Like, as someone that is learning other languages, you know, other languages make sense. It's like, okay, you follow this pattern and, you know, you can make anything and, you know, English, it's like, we don't have rules. We say we have rules in the English language. Like, well, you have to do this. You know, if you have something, you add an S, you know, that. That's, you know, the plural. It's like, you know, you have boxes and, you know, or box and then boxes. It's like, what about ox? And it's like oxes. It's like, no, oxen. It's like, okay, you're. You're an. Then you know, like, English is just a mishmash of every language put together badly.
[00:24:39] Speaker B: English is just the language where every word can be a verb and every verb has nine verb tenses. And after that you're.
[00:24:48] Speaker A: Yeah, I like, English is truly like, you can explain something 10 different ways in English. Like, that's what I like about it.
But, you know, like, when I see someone that has English as a second language and they are, you know, kind of bad at communicating through it, I'm like, I getcha.
[00:25:10] Speaker B: Nah, poor English is like a huge sign of respect as far as I'm concerned. I'm like, oh, my God, bro. What?
[00:25:19] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm like, yeah, dude, you are trying, you know, more English than I know Spanish.
[00:25:25] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:25:25] Speaker A: So, yeah, you're doing fine.
But like, there's. People are like, get out of our country. Go back home. And I'm like, you know, they probably are home. They're probably born here. They just learn Spanish.
You know, just because they have an accent doesn't mean.
And they work harder than you, but, you know, hard turn.
Yesterday was our anniversary.
[00:25:58] Speaker B: Yay.
[00:26:00] Speaker A: So we've been married, what, eight years?
[00:26:05] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:26:06] Speaker A: Yeah, eight years.
Because like that. That's how I knew, you know, like when Trump got elected.
[00:26:14] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. And that's been eight years.
[00:26:18] Speaker A: So we've been married eight years, and I think we've done pretty good.
She hasn't killed me yet. I mean, she definitely has, like a written out plan in a journal somewhere.
[00:26:33] Speaker B: I don't write down my plans. That's dangerous.
[00:26:37] Speaker A: She's like, I'm going to do this and this.
[00:26:39] Speaker B: I'm not gonna get caught when I kill you. I'm not gonna leave fucking evidence.
[00:26:43] Speaker A: She's gonna be so. She's gonna pretend to be so sad. She's gonna like, oh, he died in his sleep.
[00:26:51] Speaker B: No, I'll be, I'll be sad. Of course I'll miss you after your. It doesn't matter how you died. I'm still gonna miss you after you die.
[00:26:59] Speaker A: Even if you killed me, of course.
[00:27:01] Speaker B: I would still miss you.
[00:27:04] Speaker A: That's up.
[00:27:06] Speaker B: No, it's not.
[00:27:07] Speaker A: That's up.
[00:27:07] Speaker B: No, it's not 100% up.
[00:27:09] Speaker A: How is that up that you're, you're going to. It's like, you know, you missing the fish that you killed.
[00:27:16] Speaker B: I don't miss the fish I killed.
[00:27:19] Speaker A: That's even more up.
[00:27:20] Speaker B: No, I. They are dead because I did not want them. Why should I feel sad? They're dead now. They've moved on. They're in their next existence. Whatever. Wheel.
[00:27:32] Speaker A: I would laugh if, like, fish get to heaven and like, God's like, welcome to heaven. And the fish, like, there's no water here. It's. And they die again. And God's like, oh, yeah, that's right, I forgot. I don't have water in heaven.
Dang.
And, and then, like, he sends all the fish to hell, and the fish, like, there's no water down here. And they die again.
And then they're, like, reborn as, like, poor people.
So, like that. That's why I'm stupid, because I have a fish brain.
I forget all the time.
Like, like, I hate that fact that I, I'll put something down. Yeah. I'm like, okay, I won't forget that. I put it there. Turn around. Turn back around.
[00:28:22] Speaker B: And it's gone.
[00:28:22] Speaker A: It's gone. Gone. Just vanished.
[00:28:25] Speaker B: I'm like, gone.
[00:28:27] Speaker A: How did that happen?
You know? Like, I, I, I, I, I'm asking the universe, Mike. Universe. There's no way that this happened the way that you made it happen. How?
And it just does. Like, like, I'll, I'll lose. That is very important. Or I'll forget shit. That is very important.
Like, I have, like, my VR headset. I'm missing a controller. I don't know where it's at.
It wasn't with my other controller.
It's just gone. It's somewhere I'll find it eventually.
[00:29:05] Speaker B: Eventually, you know?
[00:29:07] Speaker A: And it's like, damn, it's such bullshit.
[00:29:10] Speaker B: When shit's not where you want to look for it, you know?
[00:29:13] Speaker A: Because, like, I put it down, I'm like, okay, I won't forget it here, perfect. You know, there's no chance that I'm gonna lose it in here. And then, you know, I put it down, I don't think about it for like three months. And then the universe just is like, I'm gonna misplace this for you.
Hopefully you don't miss it. And then when you go looking for it, it's gone.
[00:29:36] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:29:38] Speaker A: I'm like, no.
Or like, I'll get to work. I'll get all the way to work.
And I'm like, today is gonna be a good ass day. And then I'll like, tap my pocket. No wallet.
Just the most important thing. Like, I need my keys, my wallet, my phone. That's it.
[00:29:59] Speaker B: You need your cell phone, wallet, keys.
[00:30:03] Speaker A: And I'm just like, no.
And then I was at my other pocket, and I'm like, oh, there it is.
And like, that. That's such a relief because sometimes I'll be on the road, heading out of town, and, like, I'll do the panic pants slap where I'm just.
And then I'll find it. I'm like, because it's such a rush of adrenaline. It's like, because I'm. If I don't have it, if I get way the out to where I need to be, and it's like, oh, I don't have. And I don't know why I do this to myself either. Like, I could just leave my wallet in my car, you know, I have no need for my wallet outside of my car. I come home, relax for like a day and a half, get back in my car, and leave.
But no, I, I, I could put it in my backpack. I always have my backpack with me. I have to. But, like, I'll forget, like, my water jug. I'm like, no.
You know, thinking that I'm good, thinking that I'm a hundred percent ready to rock.
Nope.
And it just makes for a miserable day because, like, anytime I'm like, ah, this is nice. And I like, look down. My water truck's bad. It's a bad day now I have to go buy water and it sucks.
It's like, you know, I went to Target the other day because I'm like, it. I want to go to Target.
And I. It was right after Halloween, so the candy was on clearance, and I'm like, yeah, clearance candy. So I go over and I grab a bag of clearance candy, and I, you know, go out and, you know, get some other, like, truck snacks. And I'm like, cool. I take it to the front, buy my candy. My wife buys, like, we go next door and we get, like, fish food for her. Fish.
[00:32:14] Speaker B: And a snail.
[00:32:15] Speaker A: And a snail, I guess.
[00:32:16] Speaker B: I think he's dead, though.
[00:32:18] Speaker A: Probably.
[00:32:19] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm going to take it back tomorrow and get my money back.
[00:32:24] Speaker A: And, you know, I get home and I crack open my bag of candy.
Melted. All of it melted. It's like it was under a hot lamp for, like, a month. Just. Just every piece of candy in my bag, you know.
[00:32:41] Speaker B: Yo, you still have the bag.
[00:32:43] Speaker A: I still have candy in the bag.
[00:32:45] Speaker B: You're eating the melted candy?
[00:32:46] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm still eating the melted candy.
Is there something wrong with that?
Like, oh, my God, here's a Reese's. It's supposed to be shaped like a pumpkin. You know, I tear it open and it just looks like a melted piece of.
[00:33:02] Speaker B: That's why I'm like, you're eating it?
[00:33:04] Speaker A: Yeah, of course.
[00:33:08] Speaker B: I wouldn't eat it.
[00:33:09] Speaker A: What. What would you do? Take it back to Target, Say, hey, I have melted candy now.
[00:33:15] Speaker B: I would have given it to my coworker I don't like and been like, here, do you want some free candy?
Send her home with it. Looked her in the eye when she got back the next day and be like, yeah, you.
[00:33:27] Speaker A: Yeah, I already opened the bag of candy. It's like the most suspicious thing to give someone a full bag of open candy.
It. It, like, I mean, I guess then.
[00:33:37] Speaker B: They would have to check for razors legitimately.
[00:33:41] Speaker A: My friends have given me, you know, treats, you know, during, like, Halloween, they started passing stuff out, and I was checking it like, they would never, you know, me over, but I'm like, you know, checking for, like, needle holes. I'm like, did you spike this?
And they. They didn't. But I'm like, I don't trust.
But, yeah, like, if I was to take it back to Target, they'd be like, kick rocks, loser. Where they take it back. And, like, then I go and try and get more candy and then be gone.
So you just eat your melted candy and it's fine. You just deal with the consequences.
But something I Did something just the other day that I have never told my wife about. Ooh, I don't think I told you. Anyway, I joined AARP under mine and yours name.
So now you're a member of aarp?
[00:34:48] Speaker B: What do you mean? What do you mean? I. Now I am a member.
[00:34:52] Speaker A: What?
[00:34:53] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:34:54] Speaker A: You have your own membership?
[00:34:56] Speaker B: Yeah, remember? You signed me up for it.
[00:35:01] Speaker A: Oh, well, then I did tell you about it.
[00:35:03] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
[00:35:04] Speaker A: I don't remember if I did or not.
[00:35:07] Speaker B: I've been getting their emails and newsletters nonstop ever since, despite calling and asking more than once. Hey, please take me off your mailing list.
[00:35:18] Speaker A: You can just, you know, send it to spam.
[00:35:21] Speaker B: No, the physical one, the one that comes in the fucking mail. That one? Yes. Goes to my spam.
[00:35:29] Speaker A: What? I haven't gotten a single one.
Like, I got these.
So, like, these are, like, little things that go in your suitcase for. For, like, you know, packaging.
[00:35:44] Speaker B: So what are we going to do with this membership?
[00:35:46] Speaker A: You get discounts for. From what, like, hotels and food and stuff like that.
[00:35:53] Speaker B: Huh.
[00:35:56] Speaker A: So, yeah, I mean, like, it. It's good for old people, I guess, for. Because it's the American association of Persons of Retired Persons. I mean, same thing.
I mean, it should just be the American association of People that voted for Donald Trump.
I. I feel like he should just, like, be like, hey, thank you all for voting, old people. I paid for your AARP membership for another year and then he'll get a third term because the old people forget.
[00:36:36] Speaker B: He'S going to overturn the law for that. If he wants to do it, he will not.
[00:36:41] Speaker A: That will never happen.
[00:36:43] Speaker B: No, like.
[00:36:47] Speaker A: That. If he overturns a law on that, it. You might as well throw out the entire Constitution, you know, might as well get rid of the freedom of speech, freedom of, you know, carrying guns, get rid of the Fifth Amendment and like that. That's like, the thing that's up is like, most people cannot tell you what the amendments are, what the Bill of Rights says, what the Constitution says.
I mean, like, I can tell you a little bit, but I. I can't, you know, recite it.
I should get one of those little, like, Constitution and Bill of Rights and, like, know your rights things.
[00:37:28] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
[00:37:29] Speaker A: That way, like, any time, you know, an officer comes up to me, I know my rights and crack open the book and be like, you know, Fifth Amendment says I don't have to, you know, tell you anything, pig.
And it's like.
But let, let's go ahead and get into some stories. Oh, yeah, we Have a new law that makes it to where landlords can't kick you out without just cause.
[00:38:07] Speaker B: Fantastic.
[00:38:09] Speaker A: So they can't expect. Yeah, we're ending your lease. It's like, yeah, you can't do that no more.
But good news, California, because you're so fucking California, your gas prices are going to increase by 65 cents per gallon with the passing of your new fuel standard.
[00:38:30] Speaker B: Oh, that sucks.
[00:38:35] Speaker A: You know, gas prices are going down. The national average is 309 down 10 cents. In California, the average is $4 and 68 cents.
[00:38:47] Speaker B: Yeah, that sucks.
[00:38:50] Speaker A: But California gas prices are on the verge of a 65 cent per gallon increase which will probably put you at 525 per gallon.
[00:39:02] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:05] Speaker A: But yeah, the California Air Resources Board carb voted Friday night to change fuel standards to reduce emissions and improve air quality.
So yeah, get ready for that, you dumb Californians.
Yeah, this is why we don't want you out here. Because you come out here with your dumb ideas and ruin everything with every other state. You're just like, oh, my state's ruined. Let's go to another state. It's like, why? I don't want Earth to, you know, move to Mars. Because it's like, okay, cool, Mars is awesome. Let's ruin it.
You know, and that, that's what you're all doing. You're like termites. You're like, okay, this house is ruined and out of wood. Let's move to a new house. Oh, this house is great. Oh, now it's ruined and out of wood.
I'm viciously mean to Californians that are like coming out here to move out here. They're like, oh, I love it out here. I love nature. And I'm like, go back to California.
You know how, how about that? Leave our state. We don't want you here.
We like guns and weed off. It's like, well, we like weed. It's like, you don't leave. Go to Texas. Ruin that completely.
But, ah, onto the Florida man story.
A Florida couple accused in hatchet attack. A victim allegedly tied up and promised sex on the beach.
[00:40:51] Speaker B: Wait, what?
[00:40:53] Speaker A: Yeah, it, it is as confusing as you can think.
So there was a man running down the street, described as a frantic male with no shirt on, yelling at cars. Victim told the deputy that he had been jumped on the beach by a dude. So like this chick here, Alana cagle, I'm an 18 year old chick, you know, told this dude that, hey, come down to the beach with me, I'm gonna tie you up and have Sex with you.
And, you know, his penis led the way, all the fucking way.
And then, you know, wayne streeter, a 24 year old dude, you know, showed up out of nowhere and jumped on the dude and started beating him up and hitting him with a hatchet.
[00:41:54] Speaker B: Had he already been tied up yet?
[00:41:56] Speaker A: He had been barely tied up.
[00:41:57] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:41:58] Speaker A: And he had freed himself a bit.
And so he like ran the away while Wayne was coming at him with a hatchet, you know, boom, boom, boom, boom.
And he got up on the street and was like yelling at cars. I'm like, hey, call the cops. Call the cops. Help me.
And yeah, the cops came up, arrested both these people, and then they got out of jail after posting their $5,000 bail each. So they each had to pay $500 to a bail agent and then they get out of jail.
But it's like, you know, conspiracy to murder someone, like, like it should just be like, hey, both of you get 25 years apiece if you volunteer to.
[00:42:53] Speaker B: Get tied up on the beach. I kind of don't feel sorry for you.
[00:42:56] Speaker A: Okay? Yeah, you, you are, you know, blaming the victim a bit.
[00:43:00] Speaker B: The victim's an idiot.
[00:43:04] Speaker A: But, you know, like, if some random.
[00:43:07] Speaker B: Ho approached you and offered to tie you up and have sex with you on the beach, would you say yes?
[00:43:14] Speaker A: No, because I'm married and especially not in Florida. But if I was single and horny, sure, maybe, you know, like he, he was like sitting there. The victim had agreed to come to the beach with Kaggle so she could tie him up on the beach and have sex with them. Kaggle allegedly picked the victim up earlier and drove him to the Michael K. Bicentennial.
The victim said, telling the deputy that Kaggle was the only occupant in the car other than him. After getting the beach, the victim recalled getting odd vibes from Kaggle because she was sitting about five feet away from him.
The victim said that Kaggle tied his legs together with rope, adding that this made him feel odd about this and he decided he wasn't going to go any further with it.
The victim recalled seeing a man in black, dressed in black clothing, later identified as Streeter, approaching him out of the darkness, prompting him to untie the ropes.
But he, yeah, started choking him and, you know, kicking him and punching him all over. So, yeah, he ran away, ran up Atlantic Avenue and flagging down the deputy, got to the hospital and yeah, these people, $5,000 or 500 bucks.
So a thousand dollars total, they're out on the street again.
Like, we, we like, we need someone that's hard on crime, like psychopaths like this.
It's just like, hey, guess what? 25 years in prison for both of you.
[00:45:08] Speaker B: So why are they psychopaths?
[00:45:10] Speaker A: Because they both fucking colluded to, you know, get a guy, you know, drive him to a secondary location, take him down to the beach in the middle of the night, tie him up, and murder them.
[00:45:26] Speaker B: We're just weeding out idiots. This is like. This is a whole heaving. This is culling.
[00:45:32] Speaker A: Yeah, no, kill the dude for sure. You know, kill him and then send these to fucking kill them all, you know, just throw them all in the ocean like. Like that. That's what it should be. It's like you should just be, you know, taken to a boat, you know, put two miles out, and then we just drop you in the ocean. Boom. And if you survive, you survive.
[00:45:54] Speaker B: I can be shark food.
[00:45:56] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, like, if you. If you commit a crime, you're just, you know, two miles out, boom. We drop you in the ocean, and then, you know, you just go away.
And if they make it back to shore, they make it back to shore.
[00:46:10] Speaker B: Shucks.
[00:46:13] Speaker A: You know, how awesome would that be? It's like, the strong swimmers will survive.
And if you're not swimming two miles is, like, not an easy feat either. No, it's not, but it's a doable fee. People have done it.
People have swim the English Channel.
So, yeah, they'll come back all up from that whole experience, and a whole bunch of them have died. And, like, I don't want to do that again.
It's like, now you can go back to living your life. You don't lose your job. You don't lose anything.
But, you know, now the victim can be just sitting on the beach and like, oh, look who made it, and then hit you in that with a bat and kill you.
[00:46:56] Speaker B: Snow cones.
[00:46:58] Speaker A: Well, they've been, you know, sitting there, you know, training, you know, how to swim for two miles, and then they get taken out two miles after killing you. Boom. They swim back. Good.
Ah, next story.
Scalpers for the PS5 are getting so back when the PS5 first came out, people would come out and buy, like, you know, 20 at a time.
So they're all sold out. They're like, boom, boom, boom. And just selling them out quickly so no one could get a PS5. Like, I was offered $700 for my PS5.
[00:47:39] Speaker B: I'm like, nah, you were.
[00:47:40] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:47:41] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:47:42] Speaker A: I'm like, I don't. I don't want that. I want my PS5. But now there is plenty of stock on these PS5s and they are losing money hand over fist.
[00:47:57] Speaker B: Wait, so is the PS5 Pro a new thing?
[00:48:00] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, wouldn't that come out a little bit ago? I think it's still on pre sale. Let me see.
[00:48:06] Speaker B: Is it that much better?
[00:48:07] Speaker A: No PS5 Pro.
[00:48:12] Speaker B: Like what's the difference?
[00:48:15] Speaker A: It has more memory faster.
Yeah. Available from November 7th.
[00:48:22] Speaker B: It just came out.
[00:48:23] Speaker A: Just came out. Yeah.
But yeah, I can go over here on the PlayStation website. It's $700. They have it through Klarna. I can pay $46 a month and yeah, I can easily just, you know, boop, you know, and buy it.
I'm not going to because I don't want it. But yeah, apparently these people were pre ordering the out of them and have them and now they're like.
So they're like going up on ebay and fucking having to sell them for less money than they're actually worth.
Like this person has like a bid for $650 free shipping and they're $699.
It's like, damn, that sucks.
So it's like, yeah, for every single one, you just paid, you know, $50 to give it to somebody else.
[00:49:28] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:49:29] Speaker A: And then this other one, that's 700, so a dollar more than it normally is. Zero beds. Yeah. It's like, damn, that 100 sucks but good, you know, because like people were getting over, you know, by scalpers and they're like, I cry about it. Cry.
And yeah.
And now, you know, PlayStation 5 disc drives, you know, they're all dirt cheap.
So good. All these people that scalp, I honestly think like there should be a punishment for that, you know, for, you know, scalping a ticket. Scalping, you know, any hardware, anything that people actually want.
Like, if you charge over what it is, like, you know, ebay should just be able to identify what it is and then just, you know, send all that information to the tax services. And the overage should just be like taxed, you know, so, you know, it's like, hey, I bought this, you know, PS5 for 600 bucks, sold it for 800 bucks, and then you're just taxed $200. Like right off the jump.
It's like, why am I taxed extra? It's like, you're a scalper, you're a piece of. It's like, well, that's not fair. It's like, yeah, it's not fair to be a piece of. So enjoy.
Yeah.
On to the next story.
The Taliban officials are Mocking the US for rejecting Kamala Harris. Saying that the Americans are not ready to hand over the country to a woman, which is the pot calling the kettle black.
Wait, like, do you know anything about the Taliban?
[00:51:39] Speaker B: Babe, I know enough to keep my mouth shut because I know nothing.
[00:51:45] Speaker A: Okay? So, you know, I don't want to.
[00:51:47] Speaker B: Come across racist due to my lack of information.
[00:51:49] Speaker A: I mean, you can come across a little bit racist, like.
But, yeah, like, they have a history of not treating women well. You know, over there in Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran, there has been, you know, definitely incidents where, you know, women have been, you know, killed with rocks, then burnt alive.
There have been incidents where women were, you know, found outside the house without their male counterpart and beheaded.
You know, this is all real. That does happen. You know, it's not a huge giant issue. It's not like, oh, this happens every day. I don't want to put out that whole thing, but there. There are, you know, bad things that happen. And for, you know, anyone in the Middle east to be like, you don't like the women, it's like, how about, like, Sweden does that? How about Croatia does that?
Like, Croatia had, like, a really hot president for a bit. I wonder if they still do.
Now I have to look it up.
Croatia, female president.
Jesus, I can't even pronounce her goddamn name.
[00:53:21] Speaker B: That has the pronunciation thing right next to it.
[00:53:22] Speaker A: I know. And I'm not gonna. It has a weird pronunciation thing next to it. What are you talking about?
So, yeah, this was their president hot.
[00:53:34] Speaker B: Oh, she's pretty.
[00:53:35] Speaker A: Yeah.
She even has, like, an Instagram, you know, very professional put together.
And it's like, yeah, I wonder if she's still the president, but she's a politician, you know? 314, 000 followers on Instagram.
Colinda.
Let's see. Yeah. Now their current president is Zoran Milanvic. Some dude.
Yeah. You know, she. She looked like a nice suburban, like, housewife. Like, no one would ever be racist towards her.
Yeah, she. Huge ass titties. Like, look at this. Ba Bam.
[00:54:29] Speaker B: Huh?
[00:54:32] Speaker A: Oh, fact check. The bikini clad woman isn't the president of Croatia.
That's hilarious.
But she is still pretty.
I'm not saying, you know, Kamala Harris isn't, but if we had, like, you know, like a.
Someone from Hollywood, like, Hollywood hot come in there. Boom. Landslide.
Like, Scarlett Johansson comes in. I'm running for president.
Just a million people just say yes.
So, yeah, Taliban off. You know, we're. We're not sexist just to, you know, presidents.
Up next, ambulance hits cyclist rushes to hospital and then bills him $1,800.
An Oregon cyclist, of course the west coast idiots who is struck by an ambulance that made a right turn into him fracturing his nose, leaving him with scrapes and other injuries across his body has filed like a nearly million dollar lawsuit against the ambulance provider after workers scooped him up and drove him to the hospital and then billed him for the service.
Attorney Travis Mayor says the ambulance provider Columbia river and fire and Rescue sent a 71 year old William Horsk a $1,862 bill for the ambulance ride. Actually, it's not that bad.
[00:56:17] Speaker B: It's not that bad.
[00:56:21] Speaker A: That's among about $47,000 in medical expenses that Horsek racked up so far. Another 50,000 of medical costs he expects in the future.
Columbia Fire, Columbia river and Fire and rescue declined to comment.
Yeah, I would just rip up that whole bill and then just pay for his whole. Just be like, hey, we'll settle for $200,000.
Yeah, dude, that guy got up. Holy.
But this is why you don't ride bicycles, okay?
Like I, I have found that anyone that rides bicycles on roads designed for vehicles rides like an. They're like, road laws don't apply to me. I'm on a bicycle and I'm like, I hate you people. If you see a stop sign, stop at the stop sign. You know, if you see a red light that means do not go.
You know, kind of. I believe this guy deserves it, but like, I feel like he shouldn't get any like monetary compensation for it. I feel like the ambulance should just pay for his medical bills and rip up the bill for him.
You know, other than that off.
I, I hate when like old people, you know, act all entitled and so hopefully, you know, this guy, you know, gets his bills paid for. But that's.
And one of my fun stories of the day that I absolutely love.
South Carolina research facility lost 43 monkeys. They had 50 monkeys in captivity. 43 of them just went. The other seven were like, nah, dude, I don't want that smoke.
But yeah, they broke loose from Alpha Genesis.
They are Rias Maab primates females.
And the Yemi Police Department said on Thursday that traps with bait were set and thermal imaging cameras were being used as an effort to capture the monkeys.
Residents are strongly advised to keep doors and windows secured to prevent these animals from entering homes.
If you see any of the animals, contact 911 immediately and refrain from approaching them. I feel like you can just pick them up.
[00:59:15] Speaker B: I wonder what they're being used for at the research facility.
Research, I know, but what type of research?
[00:59:22] Speaker A: By a bunch of different researches, like, you know, I don't know, diseases, whatnot.
But yeah, it seems like they just like fucking went out and they're being goofy monkeys just staying close to home.
But yeah, they put out beta traps and the monkeys are not going inside them yet.
But they have 25 of the monkeys so far.
[00:59:50] Speaker B: Okay, so they're making progress.
[00:59:52] Speaker A: Yeah, they are, you know, getting them.
And yeah, these are a picture of the monkeys and they're. They're adorable.
[01:00:04] Speaker B: You think monkeys are adorable?
[01:00:06] Speaker A: Yes, they're so adorable.
[01:00:08] Speaker B: Their faces are creepy. They look like humans.
[01:00:12] Speaker A: Yeah, they're very close.
[01:00:13] Speaker B: I know, but if we the out.
[01:00:15] Speaker A: Oh, look at this. What were they?
[01:00:16] Speaker B: Ah, yes.
[01:00:18] Speaker A: According to the website, Alpha Genesis bred monkeys to provide non human primates products and bioresearch services across the globe.
It includes research on progressive brain disorders.
Local authorities said that the escape primates are very young females wearing approximately six to seven pounds and never have been used to testing due to their age.
[01:00:46] Speaker B: Where's PETA and all this?
I feel like this is something PETA would have their name splashed all over.
[01:00:53] Speaker A: Well, I mean, not really.
I mean, if they're, you know, using the monkeys to, like, kind of stop, you know, what. What is that disease where your brain starts to get slower that they say all the presidents have.
[01:01:11] Speaker B: All right, are you just talking about sonality or.
[01:01:14] Speaker A: No, like, God, why can't I think of the fucking word for it where, like, they. You eventually forget to breathe?
[01:01:22] Speaker B: Oh.
Oh, my God. My brain just said Munchausen and that's wrong.
[01:01:27] Speaker A: It's definitely not Munchausen.
[01:01:28] Speaker B: I know. That's what my brain gave me. Fuck Alzheimer's.
[01:01:32] Speaker A: Yeah, there we go. Like, if these, you know, monkeys were, you know, to prevent Alzheimer's, the research facility has a history of USDA violations. It's hilarious.
So, yeah, I'm sure PETA will come out of the woodworks and make this is not nice to the monkeys. It's like, who cares?
Yeah.
And then for the last story that I have, Mattel's Wicked dolls mistakenly link an adult film site on their packaging.
[01:02:11] Speaker B: No.
[01:02:13] Speaker A: So it, it's, you know, all the Mattel Wicked dolls, they even have a little video here, you know, where someone went on the, you know, website and shows the wicked.com on the back of it.
And I, I was curious. I'm like, what is wicked.com? like, how bad of a porn site is it?
It is the tamest porn site in the world.
[01:02:44] Speaker B: Okay? I thought this was only fans versa. Oh, well, it's. No, it's like mini novels and stuff. Oh my God, this is so Courtney's jam. Like, what on the titties aren't even ugly.
[01:02:56] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, it's like, you know, they have awards from AVN and.
And X Biz and I'm like, okay, like, this is like a, like high class.
[01:03:09] Speaker B: Yeah, it's soft porn.
Oh, I didn't see that scene yet. Okay. But yeah, no, it's classy.
[01:03:15] Speaker A: Yeah, it's like, pretty classy is, you know, of porn. I'm like, okay, yeah, yeah. You know, I'm not paying for it. But you know, the fact that Mata, I guarantee you these dolls just went up in value.
[01:03:31] Speaker B: Of course they did.
[01:03:31] Speaker A: For the, like, now I have to see, you know, the.
You know, let's see if I can search for Mattel's Wicked dolls.
You know, like, let's see.
Like, I'd have to like, go to like, you know, probably I'm not going to a store to pick up a dollar. They have them at Kohl's. It's $25 still.
But yeah, the. The website is wicked movie dot com.
But yes, you know, they. They did put a porn site on it. It reminds me of the time where there was a phone number to talk to Blue from Blue's Clues or some like that.
[01:04:22] Speaker B: Uh huh.
[01:04:24] Speaker A: And they accidentally put a phone sex line instead.
So kids were calling to talk to like Blue from Blue's Clues.
No. And it was just like, hey, baby, do you like that, mom, there's a strange lady on the phone. But yes, I do like that.
And then like, they get their phone bill and like, I don't think that was Blue you're talking to.
But now on to Am I the. And the rest of that.
Am I the? By Eliza Knight.
Boyfriend refused the C section, which just from the title, girl, really.
But you know, this is just from a friend's perspective. This post is about a friend of mine. I am stuck in the middle and like an outsider's opinion, I am being extremely careful with the situations.
Ladies that did give birth, your opinion matters most.
Let's call them Kate, 30, female, and Ben, 29, male. They are really close friends of mine and I love them both dearly and am now stuck in the awkward situation.
Kate and Ben are expecting their first baby in one month. Two months ago, Kate announced to Ben that she wants to book a C section because one, the baby is oversized. Two, Kate's mom is willing to cover the whole procedure. With private care and doesn't want her to go through the pains of having birth. And three, she is scared due to stories her mom's friend told her about the experiences of a public hospital.
Ben is very against a C section. He insists that one, it will ruin her body, two, she'll no longer be able to give birth naturally. Three, the recovery time from the surgery is worse than natural birth.
I'll call you back, Ben.
And of course this, of course surgery is necessary on the day there will be no.
If the surgery is necessary on the day, there will be no argument after that. Kate insists on the surgery, saying that it'll be hours of pain and then end up with a C section anyway. What is the point of the suffering? The C section is an option and it will be covered financially. Ben keeps refusing. Personally, I try and be as natural as possible, but this has been an ongoing argument and I am running out of things to say to both of them. It's getting more heated because she has a few weeks to book the C section. Please give your advice, experience arguments on the matter.
As a side note, Ben is very traditional. His mother gave birth to three children naturally and I'm guessing based on his thoughts that he knows on how he is raised. I apologize incorrectly writing the part of ruining her body as a body shaming part. As you know, blah blah, blah, blah, blah.
So, you know, what do you think so far?
[01:07:49] Speaker B: Okay, so I personally, if I ended up getting pregnant and we were going to keep the baby, I would 100% book a C section. Fuck labor. Fuck all that noise. Fuck all that noise. Fuck all that noise.
I would book a C section too. And I'm. And quite honestly, even if baby wasn't like oversized or what not ever, I would get a fucking C section. I'm not going through labor. Fuck that. That shit can take like days.
Like oh my God. And like I, I mean, I don't understand why Ben is against. I don't understand any of his reasoning. I don't understand any of his reasoning. But I would never ever do a natural birth. Fuck that. But I'm also in a medical field and we don't deal with labor a lot in cats unless they're in a dystocia, which means the labor's going wrong and kitty needs emerging surgery. So my experience medical wise is only. I've only ever done C sections. I've never actually seen a natural birth in the hospital. But natural births don't happen in animals in veterinary world like that. Those happen at home. But like Fuck. That labor's awful. That noise.
[01:09:06] Speaker A: I mean, I'm gonna say this first, you know, just right off the. Right off the gate.
There's only two people that, you know get a vote, and that's the mother and the doctor. Everybody else. No one else gets, like, a vote. The, you know, the boyfriend doesn't get a vote.
You know, the mother doesn't get a vote. You certainly, as a friend, don't get a vote.
You know, it's kind of like her body, her choice.
And it's like, you know, if the boyfriend wants to be that shallow and be like, well, I can't be with you after a C section.
I. I've seen women after a C section. I barely notice a scar, you know, Honestly, yes, it is horrifying to watch, like, all the organs get taken out.
[01:09:56] Speaker B: That's the best part.
[01:09:57] Speaker A: And kind of put in a bowl and then the baby get, you know, taken out. But, yes, the organs will resettle and the lining of the wall will shrink down. And to ruin the body, it's like. Yeah, stretching out, you know, the stomach or, you know, like, the belly, you know, that. That will do.
[01:10:17] Speaker B: You know, that part's already happened.
[01:10:19] Speaker A: It's already done. So, you know, when it. When it, you know, heals itself, you're barely gonna notice a tiny little line, you know? Like, I. Like, I. I've had. I. I have one of my friends, they got cut pretty much in half, and, you know, she's showing me the scar on her stomach, and I'm like, that. That's barely nothing, you know, and so it's like, yeah, you know, surgical scars heal really well.
[01:10:52] Speaker B: It depends on the star and the type of tissue. And then, like, there's a bunch of variables. Like, scars can heal ugly or pretty with or without intervention.
[01:10:59] Speaker A: Yeah. Yes. I have seen, you know, bad surgical scars, the ones that had to, like, stay open. And. But it's. It's fine, you know, and if you're gonna be like, that kind of dude, just get. Wait till you get, like, you know, kidney stones.
And then your wife is like, well, you just have to pass them naturally. You can't go to the doctor for those kidney stones.
[01:11:30] Speaker B: I've literally had more than what. Two women told me this once. I. Because once I mentioned I had the kidney stone, and two women have told me this. They've told me they would rather have a kidney stone again than give birth. And kidney stones suck so much ass without pain meds. Like, holy fucking shit. That one night I spent in the ER waiting room Because I. Because like they didn't believe me on some pain. But B, like I passed that fucker on my own. Like oh my God, that was so fucking painful.
[01:12:00] Speaker A: So yes.
[01:12:01] Speaker B: So this dude's weird.
[01:12:03] Speaker A: Yeah, this dude is just being weird and fucking religious.
[01:12:07] Speaker B: I want comments.
[01:12:08] Speaker A: Okay, let's see what the comments say. What do the specialists recommend? Wouldn't their advice, you know, plus the wish of one giving birth leading to things here.
Dude, if they bring up the C section it's probably gonna happen. My mom had two. I'm not adoptive third because she had her tubes tied preemptively.
A C section is no means easy or painless but is 100 her and her doctor's choice. Ben can offer advice, which he did, but that's the end of it. Thinking he can forbade it is ridiculous. Ben can decide how he wants to give birth when he is pregnant.
[01:12:45] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:12:47] Speaker A: Ben doesn't get a vote. Neither does Kate's mom. Neither do you. Oh yeah. What I said yeah.
Yeah. Ben can decide that it method of delivery for the children he birth. Other than that shot the up.
[01:13:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:13:06] Speaker A: But yeah, it's like what. What does the doctor recommend?
You know it if you can. You know, because I. I've seen easy births.
[01:13:16] Speaker B: This chick's had a C section. I want to. What did she say?
[01:13:18] Speaker A: She says I have had three C sections. Ben is right about recovery time. It is longer and harder than a smooth natural birth, which is not guaranteed. Your abdominal wall is literally sliced through. So does damage to major muscle groups. And in some cases could require surgery to repair and could leave excessive scar tissue. I personally recommend.
I personally experience permanent nerve damage to the area. And I'm numb all around my scars. For many women, lower abdomen is a very erogenous zone. So this could cause a loss of pleasure. Statistically it does reduce her chance of natural birth in the future. But it's not certain. But having labored for 48 hours.
[01:14:02] Speaker B: Oh my God.
[01:14:03] Speaker A: Trying to give birth to a nine and a half pound baby only to have a C section. I'd go rather go back and have a plan cesarean in a heartbeat. Birthing any baby is incredibly hard. But a huge baby is a huge risk for a lot and for lots of other difficulties.
A different body is not a ruined body. What a dumbass. Oh, not to mention it's her body. It does not exist for his consumption. She gets to decide. Ben sucks. If it's his concern for the actual baby. I see a valid argument. But it's not time to sit down and shut up.
So yes, yeah, you. You do have a longer recovery time. But you know, tough, okay? Tough.
She'll recover. She'll be, you know, be fine.
[01:14:54] Speaker B: What a weirdo.
Sorry. That's a father of her kid.
[01:15:02] Speaker A: Now for relationship advice by throw away my 285 fiance my female 25 fiance, male, 33 stated our future children will not be allowed to learn about evolution and dinosaurs in school. How do we navigate these conversations now?
I have been with my fiance for 3.5 years. A little over a week ago we were discussing politics in regards to education. I went to school and got multiple STEM degrees. Biochemistry and angels and Civil Engineering. I'm a high profile homeschool teacher. One of my rules when I interview families about teaching their children is they don't get to cherry pick the curriculum. I give them learning plans prior to contracts being signed and they have to be okay with all topics being taught. Evolutions, dinosaurs, all aspects of US History are the big topics that we can make or break a contract signing. I teach these topics in age appropriate ways. It's very rare for me to meet a family who is against it. However, my fiance and I were discussing the current turmoil in the US education system regarding families wanting to pick and choose what their kids learn about. My fiance immediately stated he'd be against our future children learning about the topics I had listed above, including certain aspects of US History that I teach to my current families. I was shocked. I never stated anything against this at first but I think he was joking so I laughed it off and he turned to me and said he was serious that we are Christians and we can't teach her things that didn't happen. Also over teach about slavery which is not taught enough in school, which I have in depth plans regarding slavery.
[01:16:56] Speaker B: Bless you.
[01:16:58] Speaker A: This has been really bothering me all week. He won't budge on it and states he's okay with dinosaurs and slavery being taught but he's adamant against evolution being taught and he's only okay with the stuff other stuff in moderation. I'm just having some concerns and don't know how to navigate more conversations like how we'll raise our kids. We're both Christians but I think science and religion can coexist.
How do I bring this topic back up to have more conversations about it? I don't want it to be a deal breaker for some, but I'm worried about shielding our family from a proper education.
Tldr. I'm a home school teacher who can't go the traditional route for school. Certain topics like evolution, dinosaurs and US History are topics I require parents to be okay with their children. Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Don't have children with this guy.
[01:17:52] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[01:17:55] Speaker A: You said my fiance. Break the marriage. Break the marriage right here. Let him fucking go find some other crazy bitch that completely agrees with them on, you know, deal breakers.
Yeah. Do not let him come in.
[01:18:10] Speaker B: You okay? No. No. I hit this problem, like, because, like, when I was homeschooled, we were not taught at all about evolution. Like, I. All I knew about evolution was that it was wrong and that it was evil and it was designed by the devil. And then I went into college and I started taking college level chemistry and biology. And 50% of the curriculum starting off the bat was evolution. And I, who was only 16, had only ever learned that evolution was fake. I was like, what the fuck? This isn't real. And so I understood absolutely nothing. What they were talking about, this basically was a huge hit to my faith because before then, God created everything and evolution was a lie. And here I was being taught, oh, this is. This is science. This has been proven. This is how stuff works. And like my first two test exams, like, 50% of it was like, on essays and evolution and stuff. And I left them blank because, A, I need none of the material, and B, I was like, what the fuck? All this shit is wrong. And like, one of the teachers pulled me aside afterwards and she was like, why didn't you answer any of these questions? And I honestly, I didn't know what to say with her. So I just told her I didn't understand the material. And she was like, what? Like, she didn't understand how I didn't understand it. And I didn't understand how this was facts. And it was very confusing. It was really taxing. And I had to get through it in order to get into the medical field. Like, A, just being, for the first time ever, away from my abusive parents. And then B, having all my faith now called into everything I thought I understood as being wrong. And then B, having to relearn things was very difficult to have to deal with all at once. So please don't fail your kids.
[01:19:56] Speaker A: I mean, teach them shit.
Like, if you're one of these parents who are like, my kid can't play video games or watch TV or do any of this shit, you're going to have a dork kid that's going to get out into the real world and have a huge fucking hard time, you know, adjusting, making friends, doing anything, and he's just gonna be like one of these fucking weird people. That sit at home all day, you know, praying to God, meg, why is my life so fucking hard? You know, just. Just teach him that. And you can teach them what you believe and let them decide what they want. Because guess what? If you put a hard no on something, they're going to want that knowledge. They're going to want it more. Oh, cool. You know, God is gay. God. It sucks. God's not real.
And then, guess what? Now you have kids that have vastly different views than you do.
And now, you know, holidays are awkward and you've, you know, lost your kid over your insane faith.
[01:20:58] Speaker B: But also, like, really bothers me is this dude hasn't said anything like this for the entire relationship. Like, he's waiting until they're married for him to be one, for him to, like, 100% pull out his true personality. And it's just going to get worse from there. Like, this dude's waiting. He's hiding all his. He knows she's not going to approve of.
[01:21:21] Speaker A: Yeah. So this guy.
Yeah, like I said, cut the marriage.
You know, I understand you love them and all that, but, you know, or go to therapy.
You know, go, like, actually find some evidence back. You have this faith in God. Prove that God exists.
It's like, how much of a dumb will you feel if you wasted your entire life, you know, praying to God only to die? To think that you're going to go to heaven. It's just nothing.
It's just like, boo. Like when you turn off your computer, nothing.
There's no heaven, no hell. None of it existed. It was just a way for, you know, one organization to get power because they made you think, oh, maybe there's a God, maybe there's a heaven.
Oh, wait, they're now one of the most powerful fucking essentially countries in the world.
The Vatican has billions and maybe even trillions of dollars, you know, so, you know, you know, think critically.
Your fiance is an idiot. I'm 33. I don't believe in God.
But that's it, you know, we'll be back next week with some more for you, and you know that. Yeah.
So we'll see you all next week. Bye.
[01:23:05] Speaker B: Go feed the.
