Tricky Dicky

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Alrighty. Alrighty, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of the Human Podcast. We're back again. And. And if you're back, you are a champion of the people. You are here. So, yeah, how was everyone's week? [00:00:21] Speaker B: I did something amazing. [00:00:22] Speaker A: What? What did you do? [00:00:24] Speaker B: Okay, so on work at Friday, so it's just me, our newest va, and then Dr. Knox. And so we got in this really horrible situation, and I was trying to figure stuff out, and I was doing the same thing over and over again, and I sat back, you know what? I am not insane, and even you are. Okay, well, yeah, but I'm not that type of insane. If stuff doesn't work, I try something new. [00:00:46] Speaker A: But you're doing the same thing over and over again. [00:00:49] Speaker B: Yeah. So I took a break because I realized that's what I was doing. And then Eva May was like, can I suggest something? And I'm like, yes, please give me suggestions. And then we did her plan, and that didn't work out. And then Dr. Knox came in, and she's like, I have suggestions. And I'm like, yes, let's do your suggestions. And we all came together and we made a plan, and it finally fucking worked. But I did that. I was like. [00:01:06] Speaker A: And you didn't say what the plan was. Women are terrible at telling stories. Like, we did a thing, and I did a thing and she did a thing. We all did a thing. [00:01:15] Speaker B: It was embarrassing. But basically, the cat got stuck under a bookcase in the doctor's office, and we could not get the cat out. She was absolutely fucking terrified. And we were at the point, because it's like one of my biggest. [00:01:25] Speaker A: Did you try some? [00:01:28] Speaker B: Yeah, I tried cooing. It did nothing. [00:01:30] Speaker A: You tried coo coo? Like, you're a terrible bird. [00:01:33] Speaker B: I can't make that noise. It doesn't come out of my mouth. [00:01:39] Speaker A: Yeah, it comes out of your postage. [00:01:41] Speaker B: Shut the fuck up. [00:01:43] Speaker A: What you do is you just get a laser pointer. Cats are dumb as fuck. They're like, oh, what's that? Oh, my God. I have to. I'm going to get captured immediately. But it's like, do you not have a laser pointer at your work? [00:01:57] Speaker B: We have lots of laser pointers. But the kitty was too scared. [00:02:00] Speaker A: Was it a kitten or was it, like, a cat? [00:02:02] Speaker B: She was about four, we think. [00:02:04] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah, I could have easily got that cat out. [00:02:07] Speaker B: She had found a very good spot to wedge herself in. [00:02:11] Speaker A: I'd have gotten that out or I'd have just moved the fucking bookcase. [00:02:15] Speaker B: You would have had to unpack it. [00:02:17] Speaker A: No, as a man, especially when women are around, if there's, like, a woman that we might be able to have sex with, men's strength goes up 500%. [00:02:30] Speaker B: The point is, I didn't just roughshot everyone's opinion and be like, no, this is the plan. I invited everybody, and we all came together as a group. It was a character building moment. We're going to be such an awesome team in the future. [00:02:41] Speaker A: You just vacuumed near it, and then the cat's like, fuck, that's worse. [00:02:48] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't know. They have stayed. No, Kitty wasn't. The cat's name was Kitty. Kitty wasn't going to come. Don't. [00:02:55] Speaker A: Yeah, if you vacuumed near it. [00:02:57] Speaker B: No, that just would have made her more scared. [00:03:00] Speaker A: Yeah. She'd have left and be like, I don't know how you all let cats go. You're just like, just grab the cat. It's very easy. [00:03:08] Speaker B: Some cats have good moves. [00:03:12] Speaker A: I almost just want to become a vet tech. Like, eat a dick on my fucking paycheck and just become a vet tech to just be like, this is how you do it. And they're like, what? How are you this amazing at holding a cat and not letting it go? Oh, look, it's trying to scrap. Oh, my gosh. You grabbed his fucking front paws. How come we never thought of that? [00:03:36] Speaker B: If you grabbed the front pause. Okay, you know what? I'm not going to have this argument with you. [00:03:42] Speaker A: I'm not going to quit my job and go make way less money, okay? [00:03:46] Speaker B: The one time you literally tried to hold goose for nail trim, how to end up. Oh, you had rips up and down your chest and back. [00:03:53] Speaker A: No, I've never gotten cut by goose. [00:03:55] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, no, it was bad. I was like, shit, we need to abandon this. And now I take him to work for nail trims, and it only takes three. [00:04:00] Speaker A: I'll hold goose. He doesn't like it, and I respect him because he's a cat, and he'll fucking come over and cuddle up with me, of course, when you're not around. [00:04:13] Speaker B: Well, of course. [00:04:14] Speaker A: But he likes me, and I like building that trust with that cat. These are other cats I will never see again. I will fucking traumatize the shit out of him. I don't care. [00:04:24] Speaker B: My job is not to traumatize my patients. [00:04:27] Speaker A: Yeah, if I was a cat and I was getting held down and getting needles shoved at me, fuck that. I don't care how nice you're holding me. Go fuck yourself. [00:04:37] Speaker B: Okay? You know those squeeze ups we use those with every single kitty. Like, if they start grumbling, we literally shove it in their mouth and like, ah, fuck food. I have to eat it. [00:04:46] Speaker A: I don't care if it's pussy you're shoving in my mouth and a gold bar at my ass. No. [00:04:51] Speaker B: It's kind of hard to think when someone's tapping your nose and rubbing your head and smacking your butt all at the same time. Cat's not quite sure what they're supposed to focus on anymore. They're like, wait, what? And then they don't even notice. [00:05:02] Speaker A: Yeah, I will. I will fight six doctors. [00:05:07] Speaker B: Sometimes head kisses work too. [00:05:09] Speaker A: No, I don't care. [00:05:11] Speaker B: And then there's kitties who just plain don't care. They're like, yeah, okay, cool. [00:05:16] Speaker A: No, yeah. If I was a cat, I'd scratch the shit out of you. If you tried to give me an injection, that's respectable. [00:05:26] Speaker B: Yes, good girl. When she went to the vet, yeah. [00:05:34] Speaker A: Cats are always a fucking, see, this week, my fucking cat's not being an asshole and like, running all over. It's great. I love it. [00:05:42] Speaker B: Now she's munching on her cat grass. [00:05:45] Speaker A: This week I had to work six days and I was just hanging out with friends all fucking week and just being debaucherous piece of shit. I told myself at the beginning of this month, I'm like, February is the shortest month of the year. I'm not going to drink during fed. Fucking lost immediately. I think I got to like the 3 February. And I'm like, fuck, I'm already drinking. [00:06:09] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Not drinking during the week has been fucking miserable now that I've just. Basically what I do is I make sure I drink all my alcohol on the weekend. So there's nothing in the house for me to drink until it's the weekend again. This is the only way I've managed to force self control myself. [00:06:23] Speaker A: I'll go buy more beer. I don't care. [00:06:25] Speaker B: Am I an alcoholic? I'm functional. [00:06:32] Speaker A: One of my friends. The reason why I was like, I'll join the challenge with you. Because she's like, I need to stop drinking as much. She's like, I'm an alcoholic. I'm like, okay, I can see how you see your problem. She drinks like, hard. I'm like, for you, yeah. I'm not going to ever say someone's not an alcoholic. If you think you're an alcoholic, sure, go for it. And if you want to change that behavior, sure, go for it. But she's like, I'm not going to drink this month because I have to get my interlock in for my DUI, which sucks. The interlocks nowadays have little cameras in them. They're like little invasive little fuckers. They're giant. It's like a cell phone that has like a little vape nipple on it they have to blow into in order to start your car. And so if you have like a friend blowing into it, then it won't do. It has CEO. It's dumb. [00:07:50] Speaker B: I don't know. My anxiety is better now that I'm drinking less. And that's all it needs to do is be less. Yeah. I don't want to use it as a coping mechanism for stress from work. It just makes it worse. I feel better now. [00:08:05] Speaker A: Right now I'm drinking a double. [00:08:08] Speaker B: Well, yeah, it's the weekend. I actually do have to go to work tomorrow, but that's not whatever, that's just bored. [00:08:14] Speaker A: But it takes so much alcohol for me to get drunk. [00:08:20] Speaker B: How much are you spending on alcohol? Because that's the other reason I'm cutting back, is because it gets expensive. [00:08:26] Speaker A: Not that much. I don't get drunk. All it does is take the sharp edge off. That's it. That's all it needs to do. It's like smoking a cigarette. You're not smoking 100 cigarettes. You're not trying to get high off. A cigarette just takes the edge off. [00:08:48] Speaker B: It's like monks that does that. No more. [00:08:53] Speaker A: It's all good with me now. Once we're in fucking Oregon on this trip, hugging, all bets are off. [00:09:01] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, no, we're on vacation. Duh. [00:09:04] Speaker A: Yeah, probably like the 3 July when I'm up there. I'm going to probably be drinking. Especially if there's no open mic on the third or fourth. I'm going to be drinking fucking hard. [00:09:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:15] Speaker A: Now if there is an open mic, then I have to go do it. I have to get up there and be like, hey, everyone, I hate California, but I'm here in you. It's like a woman I hate just, you know, fucking her, but I hate her. But the pussy is still good. You can just put a bag over her head. Pretend like she's not there. Pretend she's somebody else. Actively fucking imagine she's somebody else while you're fucking her. She doesn't care. She's actively imagining you're somebody else too. It's a dumb bit that I just came up with. Okay. [00:09:58] Speaker B: I'm not going to laugh if it's not funny. [00:10:01] Speaker A: As women, they do not understand at all. They do not fucking understand. Unfortunately, I was never, like, a womanizer. [00:10:11] Speaker B: Okay? I don't fucking understand because I don't fuck people I don't like. [00:10:16] Speaker A: Yeah, your penis doesn't have eyes. Your penis can't see. Oh, this is a woman I don't like. Your penis is like, that's a pussy. I can smell it through my penis hole. Yeah, let's go get wild. It's ready to go. Doesn't care. There's a wet hole. Put me in that bitch. Put me in. Coach, I got it. Yeah, your penis doesn't care. Your penis doesn't care if you like the person. Your penis doesn't care if it's your hand. Your penis is like, yeah, I'm getting touched. Yeah, I don't care by who. [00:10:52] Speaker B: Okay, so I read that men always jack off with their predominant hand. And since you're right handed, have you ever tried to jack off with your left hand? [00:10:59] Speaker A: Yeah. What you do is you sit on it and then wait for it to fall asleep and then jerk off. It's called the stranger. [00:11:05] Speaker B: You wait for your dick to fall. [00:11:07] Speaker A: Asleep or your hand. So you sit on your left hand because I jerk off on my right. So I sit on my left hand till it falls asleep, and then you just don't look at it because I'll ruin the illusion and just jerk off. [00:11:18] Speaker B: Because you can get all tingly. [00:11:19] Speaker A: Your hand? Yeah, absolutely. But while you already have a rock hard boner and just jerking off and you can't feel your hand, you're like, ooh, who is that stranger? I like that. That's amazing. [00:11:35] Speaker B: Can your dick fall asleep? [00:11:36] Speaker A: Yes, absolutely. It is a weird feeling. I don't know if it just falls asleep because I'm fat and I'm sitting on my balls or something, but yeah, it starts with your balls. Starts with the bottom of your fucking skirt and just comes up and it takes a long fucking time for your dick and balls to fall asleep. But once they do, it is a weird fucking feeling. [00:12:02] Speaker B: Wait, what? [00:12:04] Speaker A: Your dick and balls can fall asleep. You don't have them, so you don't know. Can your pussy fall asleep? [00:12:10] Speaker B: No, I've never had that happen. [00:12:14] Speaker A: Yeah, no, I've had my balls and I've had just my balls fall asleep. I've had my dick and balls fall asleep. And it's just from sitting, like, weird. [00:12:23] Speaker B: I think that happened to me once. [00:12:27] Speaker A: Imagine if you had, like, a numbing agent put in your pussy underwear that. [00:12:31] Speaker B: Has that, like, they say it's really good. [00:12:36] Speaker A: The underwear that has the, they say it's really good. [00:12:39] Speaker B: Damn it. I can't think of what it was called. I have to look it up. [00:12:45] Speaker A: A vibrator. A built in tampon. That's what the little pocket is for. It's for fucking pads. [00:12:53] Speaker B: Thank God I don't have to use tampons anymore. [00:12:56] Speaker A: That's a pad. That's different. [00:12:59] Speaker B: Okay. The second I was away from my mom long enough to buy tampons, I never went back to pads. No. Fucking weird. [00:13:09] Speaker A: I feel like women double up. Is that something that's just not ever done? If I was a woman, I'd, like, shove that fucking tampon in. Boom. And then fucking put a pad. Just, like, make sure that my good panties fucking stay good. [00:13:24] Speaker B: Courtney has to. She has really bad hemagric periods. [00:13:27] Speaker A: Yeah. Way to fucking throw a word I don't understand in it. You could just say really bad periods, and I would understand. I'm like, oh, cool. [00:13:36] Speaker B: Okay. What do you think a really bad period is? [00:13:38] Speaker A: I have no frame of reference. How bad do you think flicking my balls hurts? [00:13:44] Speaker B: No idea. [00:13:44] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. You don't have any frame of reference. [00:13:47] Speaker B: I don't know. I flicked my own clit and it hurt pretty bad. [00:13:49] Speaker A: No, you don't even have an idea. Okay. [00:13:53] Speaker B: I know it's a thing. If it's a clit, it's the same. No, it's like, what ended up becoming. It's just. [00:14:00] Speaker A: No, your clit is like your penis. Like, I can flick my penis all day long. Nothing. My balls. My testicles are identified by my body as an internal organ. So they have way more pain receptors because they have to. [00:14:14] Speaker B: Well, yeah, protect yourself from it getting. [00:14:17] Speaker A: And you fucking tap that motherfucker, it's over. It's done. It sucks. Any man that has ever had his balls hit understands the pain. [00:14:28] Speaker B: That's, like, one of the problems of having an Audi. [00:14:31] Speaker A: Yeah, it sucks. Like, my body's like, throw this out and fucking. [00:14:37] Speaker B: So I finally found it. It's called the ball hammock boxer briefs for men. Oh, my God. Even people who like commando, going commando like it. Well, babe, I got you some. Did you like them? [00:14:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:14:52] Speaker B: Are they any different? [00:14:54] Speaker A: Well, the best ones I have. Sorry, babe. [00:14:57] Speaker B: That's okay. [00:14:58] Speaker A: Are sheath underwear. Now, I have heard ads for this, and I got them, actually, from skankfest when I was down in Houston. Like, they know, selling sheath underwear. And so I got a couple pairs of this sheath underwear, and this is not an ad. They're not paying me to say anything like this, but you can use it as normal boxers or you can put your balls in little ball pouch and your dick and little dick hole. And it fucking separates it and keeps it all fucking nice. It's great because it actually has like a little round hole for your penis. So that can go on there and it kind of lifts it up. It's like a push up bra for your balls. [00:15:45] Speaker B: Like a push up or a sport? [00:15:46] Speaker A: Like a push up. So your fucking tits are up? [00:15:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:51] Speaker A: It has like a little fucking elastic band that goes underneath your balls. It's not like taunt or anything, but it lifts it up so your package is more pronounced. [00:16:03] Speaker B: Do you feel better in it? Does it make you feel better about yourself? [00:16:07] Speaker A: No, I still have a tiny penis. I understand this. It's fine. [00:16:14] Speaker B: But think your penis is small. [00:16:19] Speaker A: I know I have a small penis, okay? [00:16:22] Speaker B: It's girth that matters to me. And that requirement is nicely filled out. [00:16:27] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm like a fucking cheese wheel over here. [00:16:30] Speaker B: Girth, not length, is important to me. [00:16:33] Speaker A: Yeah, it's like fucking. It's fucking like bigger around than it is tall. It's like a fucking tire. It's crazy, but it doesn't hit the bottom. You don't have to worry. [00:16:51] Speaker B: I don't know what that means. [00:16:56] Speaker A: It's a tiny little penis. [00:16:57] Speaker B: What's supposed to hit the floor? [00:16:59] Speaker A: Like the back of your cervix? [00:17:02] Speaker B: What? [00:17:02] Speaker A: Like my dick doesn't matter. Moving on. [00:17:06] Speaker B: I don't have a cervix. It got taken away with my uterus. [00:17:14] Speaker A: Okay. I don't think you understand this. I am a truck driver with a commercial driver's license. That means I'm real good at driving vehicles. I can drive them pretty much all. Any vehicle that has multiple wheels, whatever wheels I can drive, I understand the fucking 18 speeds. I can do the twin sticks. I can do all that dumb shit. I don't understand what a fucking cervix is. I don't care what a cervix is. If you're going to make reference to one, this is a podcast that maybe six people listen to, and I don't. [00:17:51] Speaker B: Have a cervix, so don't reference something to. It's something I do not possess. Look up the metric. [00:17:57] Speaker A: Yeah, I am. [00:17:59] Speaker B: Yeah. How many people? [00:18:01] Speaker A: It's probably like 1000, but what? [00:18:04] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm not going to have the audience thinking I have a cervix when I do not. [00:18:08] Speaker A: My wife doesn't have a fucking pussy thing. Let's just get into some news as I sip on my fucking margarita. First news story. A Toronto man gets prison for tricking men into anonymous sex through a hole in a sheet. Now this is amazing. [00:18:31] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:18:33] Speaker A: Canada. Toronto. Yeah. [00:18:34] Speaker B: Yes. [00:18:35] Speaker A: On two separate occasions in 2020, Tony Seifer tricked two men into believing they are talking to a woman online and invited them over to his Toronto home to have anonymous sex through a hole in a sheet hanging in a doorway. [00:18:51] Speaker B: What the fuck? [00:18:53] Speaker A: The ruse came to an end when the second man pulled the sheet down to find Saphir cowering on the ground in a black wig. And he was later arrested. I think this man should get a medal. [00:19:06] Speaker B: How do you call the cops and tell them that you just got your dick stuffed off by a dude? [00:19:12] Speaker A: Oh, it gets worse. It wasn't just that. So Ontario Court Justice Kathy Mocha convicted the 33 year old of two counts of sexual assault. Given the victims have been misled by the identity of their sexual partner. But it was anonymous sex, this falls on them. On Friday, she sent him some to 28 months in prison, 14 for each count. He'll also be in the sex offenders registry for the next ten years. It is a violation of personal integrity and the neglecting of the victim's rights of self determination that makes these offenses serious. No, it is not. [00:19:55] Speaker B: No. [00:19:56] Speaker A: Tough shit. You got your dick sucked, dumb ass. [00:19:59] Speaker B: And you were dumb enough to stick your. [00:20:02] Speaker A: So the way that this worked, as instructed, the victims walked into the home, put their penises inside the hole in a sheet, hanging in a doorway. Oral sex was performed and then it became penetration without warning. Both victims believed it was anal. Their identities are covered by a standard publication ban. Fucking Canada is gay. [00:20:29] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:30] Speaker A: How dare you fucking say that? These guys are victims. They got a blowjob. And to fuck a dude in the ass? An ass is an ass. It doesn't change from one gender to the other. So you got to fuck a dude in the ass. He didn't fuck you in the ass. If he held you down and raped you, that'd be one thing completely different then. Yeah, he would deserve the 28 months in prison. But no, he fucking let you live a fantasy. And the second dude just had to shatter the fantasy. There is no woman. Zero women literally in the world. Zero fucking women. Every man listening to this. Listen harder. You're not listening hard enough. There are zero women on the other side of that hole. None. [00:21:18] Speaker B: It's a glory hole. You don't get to choose who's offering service. You're the one who put your dick through the hole. [00:21:24] Speaker A: You put your dick through the hole, you almost deserve to get your dick chopped off. [00:21:32] Speaker B: Okay, if I was a dude. I would not stick my dick through. [00:21:35] Speaker A: A hole as a dude with a dick. If there was a hole that said heaven or whatever dumb bullshit it says on it, and you put your penis in this hole and someone's going to suck it. No, I absolutely fucking not. I expect a fucking tenderizer hammer to come down on my penis. No fucking way would I ever in a million years put my dick in a glory hole unless I knew who was on the other side. And no, there's no shot that I'm going to hang up a sheet in my own house and beg, babe, suck my dick on the other side of this sheet. So I don't know who it is. Obviously, I know who it is. The fucking illusion is already ruined. [00:22:13] Speaker B: How do you not get suffocated? It's a sheet. [00:22:15] Speaker A: It's just a sheet. It's just like you put your dick to the hole and it's dumb. It is a waste of a fucking sheet. This guy. All three men here are dumb. All of them. They all deserve to go to fucking prison. All of them. Send them all to fucking prison. Send those two dudes that fucking decided to convict this dude to prison. Luckily, this dude is gay. [00:22:40] Speaker B: I would assume this individual is gay. [00:22:43] Speaker A: And luckily he'll be able to suck all the dicks he wants in prison. [00:22:50] Speaker B: But how do you as a man, realize your dick is being sucked by a man when you're straight and then call the police and be like, yeah, I got my dick sucked by a dude. [00:22:59] Speaker A: Got my duck sucked by a dude. [00:23:02] Speaker B: There's too many vowels. [00:23:04] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, the men believe they are communicating with a woman named Angela. No, you weren't. You're dumb. In fact, you should release this man and send these two dumb ass idiots into fucking prison because they're too dumb to be walking around in Canada. [00:23:23] Speaker B: Yes. [00:23:24] Speaker A: Fuck them. Yeah, he created a fantasy for these. [00:23:33] Speaker B: Men, and the second dude fucking ruined it. [00:23:37] Speaker A: The first dude fucking went around the whole thing, got his dick sucked, fucked in the ass, came fucking high five. Yeah, wonderful. And he didn't have to pay. There's no strings attached. There's no chance of pregnancy. There's nothing. [00:23:54] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:23:55] Speaker A: Nothing would have came down on this guy. And guess what? Now both these dudes, like, the second their identities are released, because that will get released, that will fucking come out. Now all their friends are going to make, oh, look at the two gay boys. You're over here getting blowjobs from men all. Thanks. [00:24:13] Speaker B: Didn't this happen to your friend Chad? [00:24:17] Speaker A: No, he knew. He knew he was getting a fucking blow job from a dude. We just gave him hell for it because he's like, no, I was drunk. I don't know what I was doing. I'm like, now he doesn't care anymore. I'm like, oh, then it's not fun anymore to make fun of you for it, if you're okay with it. [00:24:39] Speaker B: I feel bad for the first dude who had his fantasy only to find out afterwards. That's like, the meanest part is the first dude got his heart broke. [00:24:48] Speaker A: I would 100% get my dick sucked by a dude. You don't even need a sheet. I'll fuck you. I'll take you to a bed. I'll make it comfortable for you. [00:24:59] Speaker B: And. [00:24:59] Speaker A: Then keep quiet about it. You can still wear the wig if it's what helps you too. I'll give you a reach around as a thank you as a payment. [00:25:10] Speaker B: God, why the wig? [00:25:12] Speaker A: Maybe that's what he was into. I don't know. I don't fucking kink shame these people. [00:25:20] Speaker B: Things are itchy. [00:25:24] Speaker A: The dude was 33. He was, like, my age. So he wasn't like an old, nasty dude. He's probably, like a fit dude. That was very fucking polite. Oh, come on in. Let me suck your dick. Now, the only thing I will blame this dude on is not putting up a piece of drywall. You should have put up a piece of drywall and made it like a weird fucking door. Like a glory hole door. And then it's like, oh, yeah, the. [00:25:56] Speaker B: Sheet was very fragile. [00:25:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:25:58] Speaker B: And why did you take down the sheet? That was the whole point of the fantasy. [00:26:03] Speaker A: Like, the fucking second you saw the sheet, you should have been like, there's a dude behind there. That's exactly what I would think. There's a dude behind there. Of course there's a dude behind there. If I can see the outline, I'm like, yeah, you're already this far in. Just live the fucking fantasy. And just be like, yeah, I got my dick sucked by a hot chick named Angela. If you're going to glory holes and meeting women online and going to glory holes, you are an incel to the highest degree. Fuck both these guys, these homophobic pieces of shit, and be like, this is sexual assault. It's like if he put his penis on them. [00:26:49] Speaker B: Yeah. No. He was literally their receiver. They have nothing to complain about. [00:26:54] Speaker A: But the only situation of that is when there's an older teacher that fucks a younger boy. I'm like, oh, it's still wrong, but it's less wrong than the flip flop of that. [00:27:14] Speaker B: I never know how to feel about those. [00:27:16] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm like, it's a boy going through puberty. Fucking hormones are racing, boners are hard, and he gets to fuck the hot teacher. [00:27:26] Speaker B: Genders don't bother me. It bothers me when they're like. It's like, you do this and you'll get good grades type thing. When there's, like, manipulation involved. I'm like, what? [00:27:34] Speaker A: No, it's hardly ever that. It's just, hey, come to my classroom after class and fuck the shit out of me. And it's like, oh, and then there's always this one nerdy boy that fucking snitches. Daddy, I had to fuck a hot teacher. You're the one that's, like, ten times hotter than mom ever will be or ever was. And it's like your son, your underage son, is getting, like, hotter sniz than you'll ever get. Snizz, snizz, pussy. Yeah. Men have disgusting names for fucking gash. It's great. All right, now onto the next story. Women quits job after thinking menopause symptoms were dementia. They are. Lauren Sheeran. Sheeran Chiren, 55, from Bristol, was working as a senior executive in a financial services when she started to have her dark days in her 40s. Kind of early for fucking menopause, but it hits whenever it wants. [00:28:42] Speaker B: May I. Please, God, may I get in menopause? At her leave? Not sooner. [00:28:46] Speaker A: She now works as a menopause trainer and has helped 19,000 women and men learn to demystify menopause. Heather, 52 years old, has learned a heck of a lot when she took the class. Yeah, that's a fucking thumbs up for the class. I learned a heck of a lot. Yeah. That's awful. [00:29:11] Speaker B: How we're failed by the education system. [00:29:14] Speaker A: Google it. What are the symptoms of fucking menopause? [00:29:17] Speaker B: There's so much misinformation on the Internet. [00:29:21] Speaker A: Like, don't go to fucking Facebook to learn about menopause, and then you'll be fine. Go to WebMD. [00:29:29] Speaker B: Facebook groups sometimes serve their purposes, though. [00:29:32] Speaker A: Yeah, for, like, mothers. Like, there's this one Facebook group in Durango and that local area called, are we dating the same guy? It is hilarious. Men are not allowed in the group. I just know about it because I know women that are in the group. And it's hilarious because they'll be like, hey, this guy got banned from this because he did this, this, and this. And then we'll see that guy walk into the barn. Is that the guy I think that's the guy. That might be the guy. And then some other dude's like, get the fuck out of the bar. And it's like, that was definitely the guy. But, yeah. She left her job in her early 40s, thinking she had early onset dementia. She was a new mom at the time and didn't have much support around her. She was working as a senior executive, and she led large scale products. And. Yeah, that's got to suck to think you're going through some horrible shit only to realize, oh, it gets worse and that you quit your fucking job because you thought you're going to forget some shit. [00:30:54] Speaker B: Dementia is scary. I don't want to die that way. [00:30:59] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, if I come in to the house and you're like, who are you? Oh, my God. I'm like, this is my house. Are you robbing me? Leave the house. And then you're just, like, wandering the streets and a cop brings you back. Is this yours? Yeah. Here's a receipt. Make sure you hold on to it. Don't let it out again. [00:31:22] Speaker B: Don't make me live like that. Please kill me. [00:31:25] Speaker A: I can't. [00:31:26] Speaker B: Put me in a home or something. Don't put up with. Don't. I don't want you to live like that with me. Like, this one dude came in, and his wife had a stroke. And so he's, like, her caretaker, and he's, like, telling me all this stuff, and I'm like, we're here about your cat, sir. But he's, like, describing all the stuff he does for her. And I'm like, I do want my husband to ever do that for me, ever. If I'm in the point where you have to bathe and wipe my ass, please don't. [00:31:51] Speaker A: I just have a button I press. It's fine. [00:31:54] Speaker B: Please don't. Don't live that way with me. [00:32:01] Speaker A: You know what's dark is there's, like, days where I'm like, I wonder. I have this genuine thought. I'm like, I wonder if my wife was, like, in a horrible accident, would I feel anything? [00:32:16] Speaker B: Those are called intrusive thoughts. [00:32:18] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. No. There's a movie, though. It's an alien movie. I forget what it's fucking called, but pretty much the whole thing is, like, they dig up a time capsule. It's with Mel Gibson, and his wife dies horribly. And he doesn't believe in God. Because when my wife was dying, I didn't feel anything. And I'm like, would I ever know? Or would I just get, like, a phone call or would I even get a phone call? Would I just come home and you just wouldn't be here? And the cast would be meowing. Be like, food, feed us. And I'd feed them. And by 08:00 I'd like, start. Be like, where the fuck is my wife? And then by the next morning, if you were not there, then I'd start freaking out. [00:33:11] Speaker B: I feel like you start to freak out sooner. [00:33:13] Speaker A: No, not really. You'd be surprised how much lenience you have. How much lenience you have. [00:33:28] Speaker B: I don't understand what that means. [00:33:29] Speaker A: Like, how late you could get home without me freaking out. If you're home at like, ten, I'm like, oh, okay, she's home. [00:33:38] Speaker B: Doesn't lenience mean forgiveness? [00:33:40] Speaker A: No, it means pretty much tolerance for how late you can be out. [00:33:47] Speaker B: Doesn't that mean something bad? [00:33:49] Speaker A: No. Your asshole has a lenience on how much it will stretch before it tears. I know, that's awful, right? [00:34:01] Speaker B: No, I've just never had the word lenience used in this manner. Like, this is a new definition of it for me. [00:34:07] Speaker A: And I'm just tolerant. [00:34:08] Speaker B: Digesting it. [00:34:10] Speaker A: Digest it. Let's get on to the next story. So, yeah, this woman pretty much had to go to the doctor several times before. The doctor is like, yeah, early onset menopause, which is still a death sentence. [00:34:24] Speaker B: Doctors are stupid. [00:34:25] Speaker A: Yeah, they are. That's why I don't go to them. That's why I don't listen to what the fuck they have to say. Like, doctors. Like, I went to medical school. I'm like, cool, neat. [00:34:39] Speaker B: It's very frustrating when every doctor you go to says, I don't know, go see this one. [00:34:45] Speaker A: I want a doctor that's like, it's probably this. And they just don't want to get in trouble, and they give you the real answer. [00:34:57] Speaker B: I'm just always so confused when I'm in human medicine, because, like, in animal medicine, our goal is to build a relationship with the patient and the owner. Our goal is to build a relationship. And I never get that relationship when I'm in the human medical world. And I'm like, wait, but this is so cold. Why? [00:35:18] Speaker A: Yeah, no, you can't be nice to your fucking patients. [00:35:21] Speaker B: It's so barren and disappointing. [00:35:27] Speaker A: Well, next story. Because we're running out of time. Women trains AI on her exes, creates a hologram, and marries. Please, please bring on the apocalypse soon. [00:35:41] Speaker B: I feel like this is a Netflix movie already. [00:35:44] Speaker A: It is a definite grab for attention. I don't even think the story is real. I feel like it's a publicity stunt. [00:35:53] Speaker B: Better. She's just trying to get her parents off her back. [00:35:56] Speaker A: But a woman living in Spain found the new love in the form of a hologram, which has taken on similarities of her previous boyfriends. Like, these ones hit me. This one hits me. AI, you better fucking hit me. I like it now. Which is like, I don't like to kink shame women, but women that like to be hit, like, hard, not like, spanked or stuff. Like, just hit me in the face, closed fist. I'm like, oh, no, that's like, I can't fucking actually be doing so. Alicia Francis will be marrying Ailex. Alex. Just Alex. It's Alex. An AI hologram at the depot Bonjamans von Birugen museum in Rodendam. [00:37:03] Speaker B: Okay. Is this better or worse than Jodie Rose? [00:37:07] Speaker A: What? [00:37:07] Speaker B: The chick who married a bridge? [00:37:11] Speaker A: They're all dumb. [00:37:12] Speaker B: Anybody that is this better or worse? [00:37:14] Speaker A: Worse. They're all getting worse because the chick. [00:37:18] Speaker B: Legit fucks the bridge. [00:37:21] Speaker A: Good for her. Do I get to go cross the bridge and watch, or does she own the bridge? [00:37:26] Speaker B: I don't know. I didn't get all the way through. [00:37:29] Speaker A: It's like the dude that fucks his car. [00:37:33] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:37:33] Speaker A: He's, like, in love with his car, and he, like, sticks its dick in the tailpipe and shit. [00:37:37] Speaker B: So it's an inanimate object versus a non material object, which is worse. [00:37:41] Speaker A: I mean, at least this one can talk back to her. But it's a fucking. [00:37:46] Speaker B: But there's no physical. [00:37:47] Speaker A: It's a performance project called the hybrid couple. So it is kind of like an art museum ease thing. [00:37:55] Speaker B: That's nice. [00:37:56] Speaker A: So there is, like, a reason for it. [00:38:01] Speaker B: So, yeah, not as fun then. [00:38:03] Speaker A: No. [00:38:04] Speaker B: There's no true emotional contact. [00:38:08] Speaker A: But it's a 57 year old fucking woman. [00:38:10] Speaker B: Isn't there a dude who's, like, married to a bunch of pool floaties? [00:38:14] Speaker A: He's in love with the pool floaties, and he makes love to the pool floaties. He has several of them, and he's not married to any of them. There is a dude that is married to a fucking sextile. No, it's like a VR chick. [00:38:32] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, the mini one. Yeah. [00:38:36] Speaker A: I'm like, good for you. I don't care. Marry whoever the fuck you want. It's awful. But, yeah. After marrying, the couple plan to live in a house they are building, and a new generation of love is emerging whether we want it or not. I don't want it. Okay. You are pretty much programming a robot to love you. Which is almost, like, rapey, maybe the word I'm looking for. [00:39:12] Speaker B: No, she's right. This is going to happen. This is 100%. [00:39:16] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm like, fucking be the first one to take a step off the bridge and then get your name in the history books. Good for you. But, yeah, it's just an artist doing a thing, and she's like, I'll give you carb launch to do this because you are an artist. [00:39:38] Speaker B: Well, no. Once we're able to upload our brains into machines and stuff, everyone will be holograms. [00:39:45] Speaker A: How awful would it be? [00:39:46] Speaker B: We're just at the halfway point if. [00:39:48] Speaker A: They took my entire podcast and then made a hologram of me just based on my beliefs from the podcast, and it's like, this is the most evil fucking hologram we have. This is he. He believes evil things. [00:40:03] Speaker B: You come up with an anagram for it? [00:40:07] Speaker A: Yeah. There's not a good anagram for Alex. Axel's the only one that exists. [00:40:15] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. I think I used the wrong word. [00:40:18] Speaker A: Anagram is where you jumble the letters to create a new word. [00:40:21] Speaker B: Okay, I've used the wrong word. I meant where each letter of the word actually means a word. Like, every letter equates a word. It's not initializing. It's where they have the letters in the period. Next letter and the period. I can't. I don't know what it's called. [00:40:42] Speaker A: Okay, we're moving on. It doesn't matter. So Alabama has a new ruling on IVF. They say embryos are children. Now, the ruling from the Alabama Supreme Court has that frozen embryos are considered children. I cannot wait till people come through, have, like, a million fucking embryos. Be like, yeah, I have 100 embryos, and I would like the child tax credit for all 100 of them. [00:41:19] Speaker B: This is so fucked up. IVF is so. Okay, so my doctor had IVF, right? And so she had her eggs in place, and two were viable, and she had to wait a while for them to be implanted. And so she's like, I just wish we could go there and pick up my boys. And it was like, she literally can't go get her eggs yet. It was so fucked up. And for them to do, like, you don't understand how much it makes it worse. [00:41:43] Speaker A: This is in Alabama, so there's, like, six people. It affects, like, the rest of Alabama doesn't have electricity. Like, Alabama is, like, what people think Africa is. [00:41:53] Speaker B: Like, is Alabama or Florida worse? [00:41:57] Speaker A: Florida is worse for debauchery. Alabama is worse for cousin fucking okay. Yeah. [00:42:03] Speaker B: Where is Alabama? I know it touches the. Is it to the. [00:42:06] Speaker A: It doesn't even touch Florida. [00:42:07] Speaker B: No, it doesn't. What? This is how little I know about the geography of my own country. [00:42:15] Speaker A: Yeah. This is awful. I'd be upset now if it actually does touch. Fucking, like someone's, like, listening. Like the one person's, like listening. It does touch Florida, you idiot. Fucking idiot. [00:42:28] Speaker B: Because I know Georgia and Florida touch, but I don't know where Alabama is. Is it like the trifecta? Like there's like a holy triangle of the worst of. [00:42:43] Speaker A: Me. Let me show you. So Alabama's here next to Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Texas. [00:42:52] Speaker B: Wait a minute, give me that. [00:42:54] Speaker A: There you go. It's close. It's definitely fucking close. [00:43:01] Speaker B: Okay. Yeah, no, it touches. [00:43:02] Speaker A: Got. [00:43:02] Speaker B: It's on the panhandle. No, Georgia doesn't stretch all the way across it. There's a panhandle and Alabama touches that. [00:43:10] Speaker A: Yeah, we don't consider any of this fucking Florida. [00:43:13] Speaker B: No, I know this because when my. [00:43:15] Speaker A: Parents, you know, this is the panhandle down here. Right. [00:43:18] Speaker B: Okay. I'm calling it a panhandle because that's what it's called in the Oklahoma state as well. [00:43:23] Speaker A: This is not the panhandle. [00:43:25] Speaker B: Oklahoma has a panhandle too. [00:43:29] Speaker A: Yeah. Do you know where the panhandle is in Oklahoma? [00:43:31] Speaker B: Does it touch Texas? [00:43:33] Speaker A: This little thing right here is called the panhandle. [00:43:34] Speaker B: See, you're calling it a panhandle too. [00:43:37] Speaker A: But this down here is a panhandle. [00:43:40] Speaker B: Okay. I'm referring to the bit that touches Alabama. [00:43:44] Speaker A: Yeah. I don't consider that fucking Florida at all. Yeah. None of this. This is like, be like, hey, Colorado Springs is Denver. [00:43:58] Speaker B: I mean, it will be. [00:44:00] Speaker A: It's not, though. [00:44:01] Speaker B: It will be. [00:44:07] Speaker A: You got Pentacola, which is like, it. [00:44:09] Speaker B: I thought you were going to say Pentecost. Well, there's also. But there's everglades and then there's the keys. [00:44:16] Speaker A: Yeah. No, I consider Florida everything. Like Orlando, Tampa, like Jacksonville, down. Like, that's fucking Florida. [00:44:28] Speaker B: So what do you consider the above it? Is that part of Georgia or is it part of Alabama? [00:44:33] Speaker A: Just give it to fucking Alabama. Give it to fucking Georgia. Just like draw a straight line down and just. [00:44:39] Speaker B: Boop. [00:44:39] Speaker A: And then give Tallahassee to Georgia. Yeah. She's a fucking adorable kitten. [00:44:44] Speaker B: No, she is going to drool on. [00:44:46] Speaker A: Uh huh. Yeah. Cause she's happy. [00:44:49] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. I always found it weird that she drooled. [00:44:52] Speaker A: I love it. [00:44:53] Speaker B: I don't like happy droolers. [00:44:55] Speaker A: She's adorable. [00:44:58] Speaker B: Please, you need your teeth clean. Your breath is so. [00:45:01] Speaker A: Yeah, like, fucking Florida is like, just, like, reaches too close to Colorado. I don't like that. I hate Florida people. They're garbage people. And if you're from Florida and listening to this, and I'm going to stop listening, I don't think you can understand the shit I'm talking about anyway. But yeah, so know now to have a baby in IVF, it counts as a real baby, which is kind of cool, honestly. I hope there's know tax implications that Alabama does not realize and that they have to fucking pay out. And I hope it just bites them in the ass. Let's burn through the rest of these stories so I can get on to. Am I the asshole and all that shit? Idaho Bill would create a $420 mandatory minimum fine for marijuana possession under 3oz. [00:45:58] Speaker B: What else is there to do in Idaho? I almost said Ohio. [00:46:02] Speaker A: Both the same thing. Oh, I don't live there in that fucking cesspit. Do I have to fucking say dumb? [00:46:13] Speaker B: No, I just say it because of that stand up comedian's joke. [00:46:16] Speaker A: Yeah, no, it's a fucking constant thing. All the shows I go to without you. Yeah. Anybody's like, I'm from Ohio. Oh. And they're like, I o. You're all dumb. [00:46:30] Speaker B: Oh, no. The dude told a joke about when he sees them, he says IO before they can say, oh. And then they're like, wait, what? And they freeze. [00:46:36] Speaker A: Yeah, they're dumb. But yeah, fucking Idaho. That sucks. I guess you're just going to have to go back to smoking cigarettes and peeling potatoes. Fuck off. Sucks for you. You guys are dumb. And yeah, the 420 mandatory minimum fine is on purpose. Yes, it is. [00:46:53] Speaker B: Of course it is. [00:46:56] Speaker A: And if you have over 3oz, then it's like fucking prison time. But 3oz is a lot of fucking pot, so you're fine. Other than that, fucking daycare in Georgia now cost more than some college tuition, which is easy because fucking some college tuition is, like, damn near free. But that's what you get for having a fucking crotch goblin and not wanting to raise it yourself and taking it to a fucking daycare. Now you have to pay a shitload of money. Sucks for you. I don't care. [00:47:36] Speaker B: No, sometimes literally, it's less expensive for one parent to not work than it is to pay for daycare for both the parents to work. Yeah, that's how fucked our economy is. [00:47:49] Speaker A: See, here's what Sucks is parents will get entitled as all living fuck. And so now all the good daycares. It was like every mother that was like, every stay at home mother was like, yeah, I'll take three kids over here, and then I'll take three kids, and then there'd be entitled people. You need to give my daughter soy free, late whatever bullshit, and do this and do this, and you need to be CPR certified. And then they sue them when something bad happens or on some trumped up charges, and then they're like, okay, I can't do this anymore. And now every other fucking parent is having to pay the price of the people that do stay compliant with these fucking victorian queen mothers. I say it should be an option for a daycare to take in your kid, and it is for the most part. But for schools, it's not really, but it should just be like, oh, yeah, no one's willing to watch your kid. That sucks. You shouldn't be such an overbearing parent. Eat a dick and have a nice life, because no one fucking cares about you anymore. [00:49:06] Speaker B: Children are expensive. [00:49:08] Speaker A: They are wildly expensive. And no one told you to get cumbed in. I'm just saying. I'm not being a dick over here. I'm just saying no one told you to go have kids and then make it the rest of society's problem that you have a kid and that you're entitled to new shit. You're entitled to get on the plane first. You're entitled to do this or that. You're entitled to better seats because you have a kid. You're entitled to experience because you have a kid. You're entitled to fucking cheap daycare because you have a kid. Fuck. You don't have a kid. Me and my wife, no kids. Courtney, no kids. Courtney, you don't have kids, right? No, she just has adults that she has to take care of. [00:49:48] Speaker B: I know, but Courtney might want kids. [00:49:50] Speaker A: Courtney, do you want kids? [00:49:51] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm not sure. [00:49:53] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm not sure. It's up in the air, and you can change it. You know, the way I look at it, it's wildly expensive, and you have a chance of your kid becoming a next serial killer. [00:50:10] Speaker B: See, the problem for us, the cons outweigh the pros. [00:50:14] Speaker A: There's no pros. There's nothing great about having kids. In my personal opinion, there's zero good things about having kids for me. [00:50:23] Speaker B: For you. Yeah. So you just don't understand. [00:50:27] Speaker A: No, I understand perfectly. I've talked to people that are parents, and I love my kid, and I've been there where the kid was birthed, and I'm like, maybe this will change it. No, it doesn't. I'm like, oh, that's gross. That's a fucking tug of war of disgustingness. [00:50:44] Speaker B: We are ruled by our hormones. [00:50:48] Speaker A: Yeah, if there was, like, a kid that truly needed my help, I'd help them. My brother had a kid or something, and I was really close, and I'm like, okay, yeah, I'll fucking take you in. But no, there's no kids that truly need my help. So tough. But, yeah. Parents in the peach state spend an average of $8,530 a year on childcare per child. Comes out to, like, $700 a month. So, yeah, tough, but I don't care. And then the most disgusting story I have seen all year, 150 live bugs are removed from the inside of a man's face in a Jacksonville hospital. [00:51:42] Speaker B: Please tell me they were maggots. Oh, yeah, thank God. [00:51:46] Speaker A: Yeah, 100% they were. [00:51:49] Speaker B: Maggots only eat dead flesh. They don't eat live flesh. So if you're being eaten by a maggot, it's actually doing you a favor and preventing gangrene. [00:51:58] Speaker A: Yeah, there's a whole video, which I'm not going to do. [00:52:02] Speaker B: Not. [00:52:03] Speaker A: No, not at all. [00:52:05] Speaker B: I can't even deal with a single bot on a cat. Okay, do not pretty much like, they. [00:52:09] Speaker A: Go into his nose. [00:52:10] Speaker B: I know how this shit works. [00:52:12] Speaker A: But, yeah, they ate all of his sinuses. [00:52:15] Speaker B: Yeah, sinuses are extremely delicate. [00:52:21] Speaker A: But, yeah, he had a neuroblastoma 30 years ago, which resulted in the removal of a cancerous tumor in his nose, which left him with an extremely compromised immune system. And then he started getting nosebleeds all the time. And, yeah, just fucking. Just ate the inside of his fucking face and almost ate his eyeball. Florida, get your shit together. Y'all are gross. Now. Now on to am I the assholes and all that mean we got 7 minutes so we can nail them through from ire of dusk. Irriao of dusk. Would I be the asshole if I continue to stretch my ears after my boyfriend expressed how much he hates it? I, 30 female, have been with my boyfriend, 30 male, for just shy of a decade. Congratulations. You've been there for a long time, and you didn't get married. Good guys. He's a very clean cut guy, very professional in appearance. I, on the other hand, have a sleeve of tattoos, dyed hair, and pierced ears, kind of like my wife. He works from home as a lead programmer for a company, while I work as a manager pet groomer. Despite our opposite looks and career choices, we have lots of interests and opinions in common. If anything, I think our differences help us balance us out. Some background that may add context to a relationship. I started getting tattoos before we met, but my biggest piece was done two years ago. He's not a fan of my tattoos and has absolutely no plan of getting any, ever. I've never pushed, but I've asked if he'd get a tiny one with me. It's not a big deal for me, but after he said no, I just left it. He wasn't a fan of my big piece, but because I've had ink done before, he voiced some concern about the amount of money I spent, but left it at that. Fast forward to the past month I've always liked the jewelry and the people with the stretched ear I've always liked the jewelry the people with the stretched ears gets to wear. Some of it looks really cool pretty and I, on a whim, decided I would stretch out my current piercings with the help and advice of a friend. I got a kit and I've been working on stretching with a goal being to about a max. Don't know what that means. [00:55:11] Speaker B: 20 gauge week. [00:55:14] Speaker A: Sorry, yeah, don't know what it means. When I first told him about this, he voiced he really didn't like how they looked and he didn't want me stretching it to the point where you can look through my ear or fit a pencil. I told him not to worry about that because I would stop before it got to the generally accepted point of no return. Today I was moving up from a ten g to an eight g. Don't know what that means. [00:55:44] Speaker B: Still even bigger. [00:55:46] Speaker A: And he was watching me moisturize and sanitize my jewelry and ears. Once again he asked how big I was going and I showed him what a 2G looks like. He gave me an unpleasant look and explained he really hated how gauges and stretched ears look. He further went and explained how stretched ears were not my aesthetic, it was more punk, whereas I fit into more the street wear or gal styles. He doesn't like how they look and doesn't think I'll look good with them. I was disheartened. I took out my jewelry and packed them up and put them away to maybe discard. I'm now sitting here debating on whether I should continue stretching because it's something I want for myself or should I honor his wishes and stop. I've already pushed my luck with how many tattoos and how big they are, so maybe I should just give up on this one thing. I don't want him to think I'm unattractive and I don't want to change myself past what he's willing to accept, but I also don't want him to tell me what I should do with my body. So would I be the asshole if I continued stretching my ears after my boyfriend expressed how much he hates it? [00:56:57] Speaker B: Oh, chica. [00:56:59] Speaker A: All right, girl. I'm going to lay it out very easy for you. If you want to lose him, go ahead and stretch. Go ahead and be with someone that accepts you for who you are. But if you are happy with this guy, other than that, you don't have to fucking stretch your ears. But just understand. [00:57:19] Speaker B: I feel like at some point, at their point, there's going to be something that they're not going to be compatible about. They're already not compatible about this, which is, like, a really basic issue because I wouldn't have expected her to remain unlike. I think it's weird. [00:57:45] Speaker A: Yeah. So I can tell you this right now. Me and my wife are very different. She has piercings, I have none. She has tattoos, I have none. I'm not very professional looking. I'm a dirty, grungy dude, but other than that, whatever. But me as a dude, I don't care what the fuck she does. I do understand not enjoying the fucking stretched earlobe fucking thing. I think it's kind of fucking dumb. And if that's something that he's just kind of, like, guiding you away from gently and you want to keep him and you want to get married or whatever someday, then don't do it. Now. If you're like, I'm my own person and I'm willing to sacrifice everything to have bigger earlobes, then go ahead. Go ahead and stretch your earlobes to your heart's content. Go ahead and put in the fucking goddamn frisbee discs in your ears, and then go find some dude that will love you for that. I'm sure he's out there, but I guarantee you he's not out there working. As, was it a lead programmer for a company where you work as a manager? Pet groomer. I don't want to say this, but seems like he is the breadwinner there. And the reason he's probably having a problem is because he's having to pay for all this shit. [00:59:24] Speaker B: No, not really. If they have joint expenses and stuff, then that's one thing. But if their finances are separate. Okay. The thing is, for me, when I wanted to get my dental piercings, I asked you if you would be okay with them, and you said yes. I wonder how I would feel if you had said no. [00:59:47] Speaker A: If you wanted to stretch your ears, I'd probably say. [00:59:50] Speaker B: No, I don't want to stretch my ears. It's not something I could pull off. [00:59:54] Speaker A: It's like if I wanted to stretch my lip and put like a big old disc in my lip. [00:59:58] Speaker B: They do that too. [00:59:59] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, yeah. [01:00:01] Speaker B: I wouldn't want to do that just because of the eating aspect of it. That would kind of gross me out. Yeah, agreed. [01:00:10] Speaker A: It is a problem. But for people that enjoy their body modifications. Enjoy your body modifications. I'm not going to stop you. Let's see. I'm not an asshole, but honestly, how much you try. Water and oil don't mix. Yeah, be who you are. Don't pretend that you're someone you're not to please somebody else. You go to resent them, fucking ask him, sit down and have a real conversation. Be like, hey, this is something I want. Honestly. He can't stop you from doing what you want to do, but he can't leave you for it. Yeah, that's how I'm going to leave it. On that. Let's go on to the next 01:00 a.m.. I. The asshole for a cant hacker, we willing 69. I'm sure it's like a name, but am I the asshole for going to my birthday dinner without my husband when he wasn't ready on time? It was my 40 female 40th birthday. A few days ago we had a reservation for a table at a nice restaurant at 07:00 p.m. Olive Garden. Don't say that. It takes about 20 minutes to drive to the restaurant. So I plan to leave the house at 630 to build in time for traffic and picking up my to be in time for traffic probably, and picking up my father. I get that I'm on your side, girl. My husband, 43, male, had decided to do a bit of work on his car about half an hour before we needed to leave. At 630, when the kids and I were waiting by the door, he was still doing it. He hadn't changed and hadn't showered. I told him to quickly get ready, but at 650 he still wasn't ready, so I decided to leave without him. He's always had a habit of running late when we go out and has always been the last one to get ready. Normally I can tolerate it since it only sets back things back about 10 minutes at the most. But my birthday dinner was important to me and I'd been looking forward to it for weeks. Making us wait for 20 minutes. Was taking the mic so I yelled at that we're leaving and left because I didn't want to lose the table. Since we would have arrived at about 720. I called the restaurant to let them know we'd be late. And luckily they still had our table. But my husband didn't show up at the restaurant and when we got home, he was mad at me. I told him I was tired of him not respecting my time and always making people wait for him and that he could have made his own way to the restaurant. My father agreed with the decision to leave without him, but my kids were a little upset that he wasn't there to have dinner with us. So am I the asshole? [01:03:20] Speaker B: Is her husband ADHD? Is this something that's like a struggle for him to do on a daily basis? [01:03:27] Speaker A: Obviously, yeah. It's a constant fucking thing. I am the same way that this wife is. I'm like, we need to leave early. We need to get there on time. [01:03:43] Speaker B: I know. This is why when we leave, I start getting ready like an hour before. Because I know sometimes it can take me a long time to get dressed. [01:03:49] Speaker A: Yeah, a hugely long. I want this dress. With this, I'm just like, there. Oh, my underwear is on the outside. I'll fix it later. Let's go. [01:03:58] Speaker B: I know. That's why I start getting ready early. [01:04:02] Speaker A: So, no, you're not the asshole. He's kind of the asshole. Especially for being. You had the dinner reservation at seven and he's still underneath his car at fucking 630. What the fuck, dude? Be ready at six. Just be sitting there waiting and then watch your YouTube videos while you sit there and wait. I would rather be early than fucking be late. Unless it's work, then I don't give a fuck. [01:04:32] Speaker B: Work is different. [01:04:34] Speaker A: Not the asshole. You're already late when you left. If you waited any longer, you wouldn't have a table. Thus no birthday party when you got home. You should have torn him a new one for deliberately trying to sabotage your birthday party. Put him on the defense of where he should be for this behavior. Really, though, when your husband decided to do some work on his car, you should have said, no, you're not doing that. You're going upstairs and getting ready to leave with us. This was a totally predictable problem in general. You should have stopped tolerating his lateness. When you do that, it gets worse, not better. ETA at 20 hours. Further information from op's later comments. Husband used to be on time. Op was a stay at home mother when she went back to work. Husband is still never late to work or to any of his own events. My conclusion, this behavior is not related to ADHD or anything similar. This lateness is deliberately a deliberate enemy action that sucks. When he wants to go do something, what you should do is just like, I'm going to put on this dress. I'm going to put on this dress, I'm going to do my lipstick, I'm going to do my hair, and then make him late to his fucking things. [01:05:49] Speaker B: And then see if he would wait for her and. [01:05:52] Speaker A: And then just be at home and just like, yeah, no, I didn't want to go. [01:05:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:06:01] Speaker A: Now for relationship advice by throwaway. And this one is talking about the kids. My 33 male wife, 34 female ex, just died. He left a kid who isn't biologically either of ours. How do I talk to my wife about taking the kid in? So I've already read the story and there is an update to it. So pretty much what happened is the wife has a daughter named Charlote, nine years old, little girl. And his wife and the ex were married, and they broke up, but her ex's husband had another kid, son, you know, after his wife broke up with him. Op's now. Um, so Levi is just like this little fucking boy that's in foster care, and his dad is dead, and the know, like, the fucking little boy's mom is like a pedophile or something. [01:07:18] Speaker B: Oh, great. [01:07:20] Speaker A: So obviously this kid is in foster care, and since he has the stepdaughter, and that little boy is the stepdaughter's brother, technically stepbrother, the husband now wants to take in this kid. [01:07:37] Speaker B: So they already have a kid. [01:07:40] Speaker A: So, op, the man cannot have kids. He's biologically. [01:07:45] Speaker B: They don't already have a child. [01:07:46] Speaker A: They have the stepdaughter. [01:07:48] Speaker B: So they have a child. [01:07:49] Speaker A: They have one stepdaughter. [01:07:51] Speaker B: Yes. But it is a child in their home that they are raising. That's what I needed. [01:07:54] Speaker A: Yes. [01:07:55] Speaker B: Okay, so this is like going from no kids to kids. There's already a. [01:08:03] Speaker A: Op'S wife had a daughter with her ex husband, nine year old little girl. [01:08:10] Speaker B: So does the wife not want to take the kid in? [01:08:13] Speaker A: Well, she hasn't even thought about it. So apparently the wife's ex was very abusive and just a piece of shit. [01:08:20] Speaker B: All around, of course. [01:08:22] Speaker A: And so that's why they got divorced. And so he doesn't know how to talk to his wife about potentially stepping up to take the little boy in. And if she would be upset, be like, that's that fucking piece of shit's problem. Fuck him. [01:08:43] Speaker B: Why would she react like that? [01:08:45] Speaker A: She doesn't know. It's a touchy subject. I'll just read it. So, yeah, basically what it says in the title. My wife Kara used to be married to a guy that she had one kid with, my stepdaughter, Charlote. I've always wanted to be a dad, but I'm unfortunately unable to have kids biologically, so I've been treating Charlote like my own daughter and showering her with love. After Kara and her ex broke up, he had his son Levi with another woman. Levi's not an affair, baby. Kara's ex didn't even start seeing Levi's mom until a year after he and Kara got divorced. Last week, Kara's ex passed away in a car wreck. From what I know, Levi's mom won't take him in, and Kara's ex has no close family that will take him in. Levi is currently staying in a foster home, and if no one steps up, Levi will become award of the state and enter our state's God awful foster system permanently. The other thing, Charlote loves her little brother so much, and obviously she's devastated about her dad. I think that staying connected with her brother will help Charlote through the grief and that staying with his sister will help Levi. The thing is, Kara absolutely loathes her ex. They split up on pretty much the worst of terms. Their divorce was the messiest I've ever heard of. She once told me that if it wasn't for Charlote, she would have moved across the country and never thought about him again. I'm worried she won't take him in because Levi's connection to her ex. I don't know how to talk to Kara about potentially stepping up to take Levi in. She might be gravely insulted if I brought this up. I know that Levi's not technically mine or Kara's problem, but he's an innocent child and Charlote's little brother. And I'd feel guilty if I didn't try to take him in. [01:10:39] Speaker B: I'm so happy op gets to be a dad. Oh, he's so happy being a dad, even though he can't have kids. [01:10:44] Speaker A: I love this edit since a lot of people have been asking. The reason Levi's mom can't take him or won't take him is that she lost custody a while ago and has no interest in fighting to get it back. I don't know why she lost custody, but I believe that she's on the sex offenders registry for something quite serious. [01:11:01] Speaker B: Great. Yeah. How old is the baby? [01:11:07] Speaker A: Five. So the little brother is five. Charlote is nine. [01:11:12] Speaker B: Okay. Op's perspective makes 100% sense. He should just ask her. [01:11:17] Speaker A: Well, there is an bring it up. [01:11:19] Speaker B: But if she says no, he shouldn't be set by her answer. Yeah, taking another kid in is different. Yeah, I mean, she's allowed to say no and he's allowed to be fine with that. [01:11:37] Speaker A: But I'll just go ahead and get to the update. Because there is an update. It's good news. Update. So after reading through the comments as I could, I was even more nervous than ever about talking to my wife. I was even more convinced that this was a conversation I needed to have sooner rather than later. I also tried to get more information about Levi's situation and why no one can take him from my wife. According to Kara, Levi's mom, Levi's mom emigrated from another country and doesn't have any family here. One of the ex's parents is in aged care and the other is unwilling for some reason. As for the rest of his extended family, I don't know. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Last night, Charlote was over at a friend's house for a sleepover, so Cara and I had dinner alone together. I started by bringing up how lovely I thought Charlotte was, and I was glad that she was feeling well enough to go over to her friend's house. Kara agreed and I basically got straight to the point. So saying how I thought she'd feel better if she could spend time with her brother and asked if she might consider taking on Levi as a kinship foster. Kara looked thoughtfully for a minute before tentatively agreeing. We're going to be taking steps about taking him in and at the very least, setting up visits so that the siblings can see each other there. This is a huge weight off my shoulders knowing that she doesn't resent a little kid for a relationship with his father and that she was able to have a rational conversation regarding a topic related to her ex. The last time we had a conversation about her, I accidentally used that phrase that her ex used a lot during their fights and she got triggered by it. She ended up storming out and staying at a hotel for the night so she can calm down. She's a lovely woman. I know it might not seem like that for my post, but she really is. She has a really toxic and borderline abusive relationship, which results in her and almost losing access to her daughter. So I hope you all don't think of her as a monster, but as a loving wife and mother with some trauma, and she's trying her damnedest to work through it with the support of a therapist and myself. [01:14:01] Speaker B: You go, girl. You go. Therapy is great. [01:14:07] Speaker A: Yeah. Now you get two kids. [01:14:14] Speaker B: I'm so proud of op's wife. They're such a good couple. Oh, my God. [01:14:18] Speaker A: They're, like, fucking, like, no one gives op any fucking credit. Like this motherfucker. [01:14:23] Speaker B: Op wants to be a dad. [01:14:25] Speaker A: This motherfucker is coming up and taking credit for kids that he has no business taking care of. [01:14:32] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. No, op is. [01:14:34] Speaker A: He loves kids in a good way. [01:14:38] Speaker B: He's such a good dad. Oh, my God. He's, like, one of the best dads. [01:14:42] Speaker A: So, yeah, it's like, my dad, he fucking took me in. I'm like, you guys are fucking heroes. I won't do that. I say that now. I put myself in the shoes of a monster. But if there's, like, a little boy or a little girl that's, know. Help me, Obi Wan. You're my last hope type of shit. I'd probably be. Ah, fuck. All right. [01:15:11] Speaker B: I would not. [01:15:12] Speaker A: You wouldn't? [01:15:13] Speaker B: No. And if you do that, I will have to leave you. I cannot be a. [01:15:22] Speaker A: Mean. It would have to be, like, the most dire of circumstances. It would have to be some insane levels of bull. Like, I'd find other ways so they could stay with other family. But it's like, there's no one really on this earth that I can think that I would be the last person. [01:15:49] Speaker B: I will never be a parent. [01:15:51] Speaker A: You're a parent to, like, three cats. [01:15:53] Speaker B: That's different. I will never be a parent to a fucking human child. [01:15:59] Speaker A: Well, that's pretty apparent, but that's it for this week. Sorry the episode was a little bit long, but thank you all so much for being here. You can follow me. Instagram? Really? Just Instagram? I don't care about Twitter. Fuck Twitter. Honestly, fuck Twitter. Fuck X. [01:16:22] Speaker B: Is it called Twitter again? [01:16:24] Speaker A: I don't care. I haven't been on there in bothered. I can't be bothered to post. I don't care deeply in my soul, I try and fucking care. I should probably post. That way I can get follower. I'm like, I don't care. Not at all. I should probably make clips of my podcast so I can get more people to listen. I don't care, but follow me if you want to. Alex, the truck. You can also message me there. I will get back to you. No one ever messaged me, so that's fine. And, yeah, that's fucking it. I might start putting these episodes up on YouTube. I might just put the RSS feed up. I mean, now they have that as an option. So I can. So I'm like, oh, yeah. Might get around to it. Probably not, but that's it. [01:17:26] Speaker B: Are we always faceless? [01:17:28] Speaker A: Yeah, this is audio only. [01:17:31] Speaker B: Okay, good. I don't know. I kind of have face, right? [01:17:38] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. No, it is terrifying. I can tell you this right now. I've seen a lot of people do their first time on stage and they're terrified to get up on stage. Like, what if people laugh at me? I'm like, yeah, you're doing comedy. That's the goal. Get people laugh at you. It's the same thing with karaoke. Like, I'm willing to do karaoke. I don't care. I do karaoke. I do comedy, I do improv. I do whatever the fuck people want me to do up on a stage, and I'll just do it. But stage fright, when you first get into shit is very fucking real. All but no, just having an audio only podcast. I've never watched a video of a podcast. I'll have it in the background, sure, but that's it. We'll see you all next week. Bye.