Tits For Tats

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Alrighty. Alrighty, everybody. Welcome back to another episode. We're doing it again. I said last week. Oh, I'd be more prepared this week. I promise. I solemnly swear. [00:00:15] Speaker B: I don't remember you saying any of those words. [00:00:17] Speaker A: You're peeing. It was at the outro. At the outro last week. I'm like, I'm gonna do better next week. No. No, never. But this is the human podcast. I am Alex the truck. This is my wife behind me. And we got Courtney. [00:00:33] Speaker B: I got a new tattoo. [00:00:38] Speaker C: I love your tattoo. I want to get a tattoo. [00:00:40] Speaker B: Yeah, girl. [00:00:42] Speaker C: I'm thinking of getting, like, a jellyfish on my, like, coming up from the side of the ankle. [00:00:53] Speaker A: You are cutting out bad. Yeah, yeah. [00:00:57] Speaker B: Hella bad. [00:01:02] Speaker C: I wonder why. Can you hear me now? [00:01:06] Speaker A: It's, like, the craziest, like, cutouts we've ever heard. [00:01:14] Speaker B: So weird. [00:01:16] Speaker C: Is it still doing it? [00:01:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:01:18] Speaker B: Never done that before. [00:01:23] Speaker A: It's like when you have, like, a bad signal. It's like you're going through a tunnel and, like that. That's what I'm hearing. Yeah, it sounds like. No, it sounds like you're speaking, like. Like the worst microphone ever. [00:01:41] Speaker B: Or, like, through a straw. [00:01:42] Speaker A: Do you have the headphones on backwards? [00:01:45] Speaker B: Oh. [00:01:48] Speaker C: My dad's house. Is it better now? [00:01:52] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:01:53] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:01:54] Speaker C: Okay. [00:01:55] Speaker A: Were they on backwards? [00:01:56] Speaker C: Headphones on backwards. [00:01:57] Speaker B: How do you do that? [00:01:58] Speaker C: Oh, my God. I didn't really notice. [00:02:02] Speaker A: I mean. No, you're not gonna really notice. [00:02:04] Speaker C: I thought it was, like, a little off, but I wasn't paying attention. [00:02:12] Speaker A: I'm like. Like, you have good. Like, we all have the same headphones, and, like, I don't, you know, wireless mine, but, yeah, I know when mine are backwards. Also, I have, like, the fucking cord going into one side so I don't have to power them all the time. All right, so. And then we got Courtney over there that doesn't know how. How to read left and rights on our headphones, even though they do have l and r printed on them. [00:02:43] Speaker B: They do? [00:02:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:45] Speaker B: What? [00:02:46] Speaker A: Yeah. On the inside. [00:02:47] Speaker B: Huh? [00:02:48] Speaker A: On the inside here, l R. Now everyone's, like, looking at their headphones. [00:02:57] Speaker B: I don't think I have it. Oh, no, I found it. Never mind. How the fuck did I get through college? [00:03:06] Speaker A: I mean, like, when I'm instructing my wife on where to drive, I have to say this way, or I have to point to which way it's gonna go. [00:03:17] Speaker B: And sometimes I still go the wrong way. [00:03:20] Speaker A: I'm like, okay, you're gonna take a left here. Go straight. I'm like, okay. You were gonna take a left back there. [00:03:29] Speaker C: Yeah, she's. [00:03:30] Speaker B: She's like, there are just things I can't do, and I'm 32 years old and I still can't do them. So, like, I don't know what else to do. [00:03:40] Speaker A: And we want to elect a woman president. [00:03:42] Speaker B: Not me. I would be a terrible president. Like, I'd be a terrible president, right? Like, would I be worse than Trump? [00:03:54] Speaker A: I mean, I want Bernie Sanders. I still want Bernie Sanders. [00:03:58] Speaker C: Why? [00:04:00] Speaker A: Why not? [00:04:00] Speaker B: Why not? He said tits. [00:04:03] Speaker A: What? What do you have? What information do you have against my Bernie Sanders? My Vermont man? I don't know anyone from Vermont that I hate. Not a soul. I know a lot of people I hate from different states. California, Florida, Texas. [00:04:20] Speaker B: How many people from Vermont have you met? [00:04:23] Speaker A: 17. [00:04:24] Speaker B: Okay. I've only met one person. That person was pretty cool. So I can't deny your facts, but I've only been exposed to one person, therefore I am biased. [00:04:33] Speaker A: I mean, as someone that fucking meets a lot of people on the daily, and I ask them, where are you from? Because I want to know. Cause if they say something stupid, like, California, I'll be like, what the fuck are you doing out here? [00:04:45] Speaker B: You literally married a California valley girl. [00:04:48] Speaker A: I married a Christmas, technically. [00:04:49] Speaker C: Weren't you. You were from California? [00:04:52] Speaker A: Yeah. Trust me, I know. Anytime after I fell out my 44 73, you know, I have to be like, I'm from this town in California. Like, I had to look it up. [00:05:03] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:04] Speaker A: And it was not a fun, you know, like. Like. And anytime the people, like, look at my 44 73 and they see California, might they, like, give me a look every time? Like, are you farting again? No, she is farting up this fucking room. [00:05:21] Speaker B: I can't help it. I had bell peppers. They're like beans. [00:05:25] Speaker A: Like, go into the bathroom and, like, open your ass to the toilet and, like, did fart on the water. [00:05:31] Speaker B: I meant to. And you were in there, so this is your fault. [00:05:34] Speaker A: Well, you can. You can go now. [00:05:36] Speaker B: No, I don't need to pee yet. [00:05:41] Speaker A: Yeah, my wife, like, touched my shoulder and I thought I was a spider, and I'm like, ah, yeah, I thought. [00:05:48] Speaker B: You liked Spider man. [00:05:50] Speaker A: No, like, I have no problem with the spiders. I'm just like, knock it off. Like, you know, get off of me. Like, here's the thing about spiders. Like, I love them. They're great. And as long as they're up in the corner doing the Lord's work, they're fine. If you crawl across the floor, you're gonna die. Like, if you're a floor spider. Uh uh. The floor is for us humans. You get up on those. Yeah. [00:06:17] Speaker B: The floor is for feet. [00:06:19] Speaker A: Yeah, that and spiders don't have any. They have legs. They don't have feet. [00:06:26] Speaker B: What? [00:06:27] Speaker A: Spiders don't have feet. [00:06:28] Speaker B: That's what I'm saying. Horses don't have feet. [00:06:31] Speaker A: They do. They have hooves, but they're not feet. [00:06:36] Speaker B: What do you define as a foot? [00:06:39] Speaker A: An appendage that you can move independently. [00:06:43] Speaker B: Like your hands or feet. [00:06:45] Speaker A: No, my hands are hands. [00:06:47] Speaker B: What's the difference? Okay, what do you define as a hand? [00:06:51] Speaker A: Something that I can fully articulate and pick stuff up with with ease. [00:06:57] Speaker B: I can pick stuff up with my feet. [00:06:59] Speaker A: Can you pick up this mouse with your foot? [00:07:01] Speaker B: I can't reach it. Put it on the ground. [00:07:03] Speaker A: Can you pick up that gun with your feet? [00:07:05] Speaker B: I can't reach it. My legs are short. [00:07:07] Speaker A: If you could reach something within my. [00:07:09] Speaker B: Foot reach, except the beard, that I will knock over. Okay, fine. I'm gonna pick up. This is cheating. But a shirt. Tada. Okay, watch this. I'll pick up one of your bullets. [00:07:24] Speaker A: Oh my God, I spilled a fucking. [00:07:28] Speaker B: I picked up two of your bullets and whatever that white piece is. [00:07:33] Speaker A: It's a cotton swab for cleaning guns. [00:07:38] Speaker B: I picked all that shit up. [00:07:40] Speaker A: Yeah, I can pick up like 20 of them. [00:07:43] Speaker B: So what is the difference between an articulate foot and hand? [00:07:48] Speaker A: Uh, one is for pick. Okay. Would you use your feet to fucking eat with? [00:07:53] Speaker B: I could, yeah. [00:07:56] Speaker A: Okay. My wife is fucking weird. She's being difficult just to be difficult. [00:08:01] Speaker B: No, I can pick up chopsticks with my foot. I know because I've done it. [00:08:05] Speaker A: The chopsticks. [00:08:06] Speaker C: No, no, she's fucking weird. [00:08:08] Speaker A: Yeah, Courtney fully understands. [00:08:10] Speaker C: Probably eat with her fucking feet. [00:08:12] Speaker B: I can bite my own toenails off. [00:08:15] Speaker C: Yeah, she's fucking weird. [00:08:16] Speaker B: Feet are weird. Although I like my feet more than I like my hands. [00:08:21] Speaker A: My toenails weirdly don't grow. [00:08:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:24] Speaker C: Oh my God. I just find it so hilarious about your little baby child hands. [00:08:29] Speaker B: Oh my God. I have creepy baby hands and I have my tiny piglet toes. [00:08:33] Speaker A: So can your feet do this with 1ft? Open up a lighter and strike it? [00:08:42] Speaker B: The answer is no, but nor could I do that with my hand. [00:08:46] Speaker A: I mean, if you have two. Yeah. Could you do that with your toes? [00:08:53] Speaker B: I've never once been able to light a lighter. I'm not joking you. [00:08:56] Speaker A: Well, this doesn't have any fluid in it, so you would not be able to light it. [00:09:00] Speaker B: I literally have lighters at work that you use to heat and fix samples to a slide. And for the life of me, I cannot make the lighter work. [00:09:07] Speaker A: Just get one of the push button lighters. [00:09:09] Speaker B: They have to. We have those too, and I still can't make them work. You know how I heat fix my slides? I use one of those, like, cup warmer, cup warmer thingies. And I just plopped the slide on it and that fixed the sample. I can't turn on a lighter. I can't turn on, like, the long cozy thing with the click. Like, I can't make fire. Oh, my God, I am hobbled. [00:09:30] Speaker A: Yeah, she would be like, Gilligan's island would happen. And she would be like, do not. [00:09:37] Speaker B: Diss me with Gilligan. [00:09:40] Speaker A: Who's like, ginger? Is that like one of the girls? [00:09:43] Speaker B: Yes, it's one of the girls. [00:09:44] Speaker A: You'd be like, ginger. Just useless. [00:09:47] Speaker B: No, Ginger was hot and skinny. I am neither of those, but useless all the time. This is where you tell me I'm hot. [00:09:53] Speaker A: Useless. All the same. [00:09:55] Speaker B: I am useless. That's okay. [00:09:58] Speaker A: I mean, like you, I am a. [00:10:00] Speaker B: Fleshlight that makes minimum wage. [00:10:03] Speaker A: You got it. [00:10:04] Speaker B: Tada. [00:10:06] Speaker A: I mean, like, guys, like, that's all you need to be happy. Just, you know, marry a woman that, you know, makes minimum wage. And it's like, willing to, like, just one trick pony. She's like, I can suck your dick. It's like, how? [00:10:26] Speaker B: Yes, that's all I need to do. What else do you want for me? Like, women and I can cook and I make good food. Not like, okay, I did actually burn the cheese, but normally I don't make burnt food. [00:10:39] Speaker A: If you ever want to get a man, just do the stereotypical women shit and. Or just like, bring him beer, show up naked and suck his dick. Like, that's all it takes. [00:10:52] Speaker B: I do that too. [00:10:55] Speaker A: No, I'm doing sober October. [00:10:57] Speaker B: I know. Ergo, I cannot bring you beer. [00:10:59] Speaker A: It is almost. [00:11:00] Speaker C: Oh, my God, you actually are doing it. [00:11:02] Speaker B: Yeah, no, he did it. Like fucking props. [00:11:05] Speaker A: Yeah, no beer, nothing. Not even on my days home, nothing. [00:11:09] Speaker B: And we literally just bought acid. And he's still resisting. [00:11:12] Speaker A: Don't fucking. [00:11:13] Speaker B: Oh, am I not supposed to say that? [00:11:14] Speaker A: Yeah, you're not supposed to say. You know, we allegedly bought acid. [00:11:18] Speaker B: Okay, I don't understand what allegedly means. Either you did or you didn't. [00:11:23] Speaker C: Yeah, we didn't. [00:11:24] Speaker A: It means someone accused you. [00:11:26] Speaker C: You did it in your fantasy. [00:11:29] Speaker A: It's like Schroedner's cat, you know, it's like, it could be or it couldn't be, but you can't really prove it. And you're not gonna take the time to prove it, okay? [00:11:38] Speaker B: No, if you put a bunch of cat pieces and steroids and put it in the box, the cat will fucking heal itself. Cats on steroids work miracles. [00:11:48] Speaker A: Like, imagine, like, you know, you put like, a bunch of, like, cats like steroids in a box and just some buff cats come out. [00:11:55] Speaker B: That would literally happen. There are so many. Okay. There is a phrase that no cat should die without steroids. I've seen cats, like, on death's door, give it pred. A week later, it's fucking fine. No cat should die without steroids. [00:12:12] Speaker A: So. Yeah, I mean, like, if you're like one of those gym bros, fucking stab some in your ass. Stab some in your cat. [00:12:20] Speaker B: For reals. [00:12:21] Speaker A: Don't do that. That is not medical advice. [00:12:24] Speaker B: Although there's different types of pred. There's pred for dogs and there's pred for cats. So don't give your cat dog pred. It won't be as effective. [00:12:32] Speaker A: And I have no idea what pred is, does there? [00:12:35] Speaker B: It's prednisone. It's prednisone for dogs and prednisolone for cats. [00:12:41] Speaker A: No idea. That's like telling me, hey, go find you wiggle whams. And I'm like, I don't even know what that is. [00:12:49] Speaker B: There's wigwams and there's wiggle whams. Congratulations. [00:12:53] Speaker A: Well, wigwam is a fucking yurt thing. [00:12:57] Speaker B: It's not a yurt thing. Okay. Okay. Actually, you know what? I can't deny your statement. And that makes me even more irritated. [00:13:06] Speaker A: Yeah. It's like fucking people in, like, you know, Canada or whatever. You know, like, they're just like the natives over there. [00:13:16] Speaker B: Okay, no, Wigwam is native American, not canadian. [00:13:19] Speaker A: You know, there's natives like Canada. [00:13:22] Speaker B: Yeah. Those are the Inuits. And I apologize to everyone for saying that wrong. And I also know that it's generalization. [00:13:30] Speaker A: I'm about to blow your fucking mind. [00:13:32] Speaker B: I'm so white. Please do so. [00:13:34] Speaker A: Canada is in America, okay. [00:13:38] Speaker B: Canada is part of North America. [00:13:40] Speaker A: Uh huh. America. [00:13:41] Speaker B: There's North America. [00:13:42] Speaker A: And we are the United States of America. [00:13:45] Speaker B: Yeah. We are not part of Canada. [00:13:46] Speaker A: This is all America. The continent. [00:13:48] Speaker B: It is a single continent. Yes. [00:13:50] Speaker A: And then there's South America. [00:13:52] Speaker B: Yeah. That's where the fucking poodoos and, like, the tiny cats are. [00:13:55] Speaker A: The poodoos. [00:13:56] Speaker B: Yeah. They're like itty bitty deers. And then there's, like, the cats. I can't remember their name, which I'm super annoyed about. But they. Okay. But there's, like, a thing in part, like, planet Earth one where the cats are playing with the moths, and moths hits the cat, and the cat makes the tiniest cat noise ever, and it's so cute. [00:14:14] Speaker A: I want one of those cats that step on its tail to stay warm. [00:14:18] Speaker B: Oh, palace. [00:14:20] Speaker A: No idea what it is. [00:14:22] Speaker B: I think also snow leopards do that, but I could be wrong. [00:14:25] Speaker A: No, I want the fat one. [00:14:26] Speaker B: Oh, my God. This is gonna bother me. I can't remember the name of the cat from Dallas, America, that's, like, the size of, like, a bunny rabbit, full grown, and it looks like a leopard, but it's not a clouded leopard. [00:14:37] Speaker A: Well, so it's fine, but let's get into some, you know, shit that we did. So today, we did go to the tattoo festival. [00:14:50] Speaker B: I got a tattoo. [00:14:53] Speaker A: We walk in. [00:14:54] Speaker B: It was dope. [00:14:55] Speaker A: We walk in, and everyone's, like, asking me the questions. I'm forcing my wife to lead throughout this entire thing because I'm not interested in getting a tattoo at all. I have no tattoos, no piercings, nothing. And anytime someone comes up to me and they're like, oh, do you have any tattoos? Are you afraid of needles? [00:15:15] Speaker B: I'm like, no, it was a tits. I got to look at people in sans and her artwork, and I didn't have to say shit because they were talking to you. It was great. My God. [00:15:26] Speaker C: Sorry, Alex. You're so mean. [00:15:28] Speaker A: I'm like, I don't. I don't care about. Yeah, like, I like the fact that you do art. That's cool. You know, if you had, like, stickers and patches and shit like that, I'd probably buy some shit. But, you know the people that had stickers, like, $20 for this sticker, and there's. [00:15:43] Speaker B: They're like, their shit was, like, low key, dumb. Like, none of it was good in my opinion. [00:15:47] Speaker A: Like, there was, like, one dude that only had stickers, but, like, most of them were, like, the fucking flash ones. Like, that. Like, go, like, to, like, three different images. [00:15:55] Speaker B: I hate those. [00:15:57] Speaker A: And, yeah, I'm like, yeah, they're all right. [00:16:01] Speaker B: But they were all right. None of them was like, oh, none. [00:16:04] Speaker A: Of them was like, I'm gonna pay $20 for this fucking sticker. [00:16:07] Speaker B: Uh uh. [00:16:10] Speaker A: And so, like, my wife found a tattoo that she wanted. [00:16:13] Speaker B: Yep. [00:16:15] Speaker A: And the dude's like, we can't do it. But I have a friend that could. [00:16:19] Speaker B: Yeah. And then he sent me to that friend, but that friend couldn't do, so they passed me on a third dude who was able to do it, and he did it bigger, and I fucking love it. I have a little kitty in gardens covering my tattoo from the road rash from the motorcycle accident, and I could not be more happy. [00:16:37] Speaker A: So, yeah, now she bought crystals because. [00:16:41] Speaker B: I'm a crystal bitch. [00:16:42] Speaker A: And then while she was doing that, because I was. You know, I didn't care about the tattoos at all. [00:16:48] Speaker B: Not. Where did you go? [00:16:50] Speaker A: I went across the way to the gun store. Of fucking course I did. I walk right into that bitch and, you know, immediately with my people, you know? [00:17:07] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:08] Speaker A: I'm, like, looking around. I'm, like, not a tattoo people. Like, they had tattoos, but I'm like. [00:17:14] Speaker B: They weren't, like, trying to sell you on tattoos. [00:17:17] Speaker A: They weren't even trying to sell me on guns either. Like, they were leaving me alone. Let me, like. [00:17:21] Speaker B: Look, it's cause you were brown. [00:17:25] Speaker A: No, it's cause I walked in the store and they're fucking packed, you know, and there's, like, what? [00:17:34] Speaker C: Well, you weren't bothered, so you were able to shop in pizza. [00:17:38] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, like. Like, I like that when I'm at a Home Depot. [00:17:42] Speaker C: Well, going to a freaking, like, store, and the asian lady is always following you because she thinks you're gonna steal. [00:17:54] Speaker A: No, I do have a story about that, though. So I was on Market street in San Fran, and if, you know, you know, and I was, like, waiting for my friend to get out of class because, you know, he was studying at the Art institute. And so I had some time to burn, and I went and parked at fucking bank of America because they had free parking for customers. And I was a customer at that point in time. Yeah, a fuck bank of America. [00:18:23] Speaker B: Yeah, fuck b of a. [00:18:26] Speaker A: And so I'm just, like, walking around, you know, going to shops. You know, I'm dirt poor at this time, so I don't actually have any money. [00:18:33] Speaker B: This is before you met me. [00:18:35] Speaker A: This is after. [00:18:36] Speaker B: Okay. So, yeah, you were dirt poor. [00:18:38] Speaker A: I was still dirt poor. [00:18:40] Speaker B: You still homeless at the time, or. [00:18:44] Speaker A: No, I have the Camry. [00:18:45] Speaker B: Okay. [00:18:48] Speaker A: The car. So, like, I went to, like, a store, and they had, like, you know, like, knives and, like, little trinkets, and I, you know, it went all the way around. And so I'm, like, looking at the stuff and, like, I'm the only dude in the store. [00:19:02] Speaker B: Like, you were a woman or you're, like, the only person. [00:19:04] Speaker A: I'm the only person in this store. [00:19:06] Speaker B: Okay. [00:19:07] Speaker A: And, like, this greek dude is just fucking eyeballing me. Hard as shit, you know? [00:19:13] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, no, they're penny punchers for sure. [00:19:17] Speaker A: And, you know, I'm just, like, kind of looking around and, you know, he's. [00:19:22] Speaker B: There, like, cross stuff. [00:19:25] Speaker A: I don't remember. I was like, just, like, looking at the shit that I was interested in, and he's like, is there anything I can help you with? I'm like, oh, no, I'm just looking. And I was in there for, like, ten minutes, and he's like, dude, you need to buy something. I'm like, the fuck are you talking about? [00:19:39] Speaker B: Nah, he's creak. [00:19:40] Speaker A: I'm like, I'm just looking. And he pulls out a fucking knife. And I'm like, fine, I'm fucking gone. But don't be surprised when there's a brick through your fucking window. [00:19:49] Speaker B: Yeah, no, he's greek. [00:19:52] Speaker A: Like, I wish I would have gone back and thrown a fucking brick through his goddamn window just to fuck up his day. [00:19:57] Speaker B: Okay, now you forget I was part of the greek community for three years. That just look, that's just like, how they are. Like, it's not against you. It's just like, they're penny pinchers. [00:20:08] Speaker A: I hope he went out of fucking business. I hope he lost everything. [00:20:10] Speaker B: They're just as bad as. [00:20:11] Speaker A: I hope a fucking riot came through Market street and destroyed his entire store. And he got everything fucking stolen from. [00:20:17] Speaker B: So is Market street like Las Vegas? [00:20:19] Speaker A: No, it's just like the main street. It's like, like one of the big main. Fucking annoying ass streets. [00:20:28] Speaker B: Is there parking spots there? Oh, no, I'm defining there's parking spaces in San Francisco. There is non parking spaces in San Francisco. [00:20:39] Speaker A: So there's. There is street parking, which is hilarious if you can ever find it. Yeah, you're not finding fucking street parking. And San Francisco. [00:20:48] Speaker B: San Francisco's a walking city. [00:20:51] Speaker A: That's why I went to B of A. But yeah, like, he was like, the only fucking store that, you know, you know, had a fucking problem. [00:21:00] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:01] Speaker A: And now we live in a state that has guns and people do not fuck around with that. You know, you pull out a knife, you just get shot in the face. It's like, oh, wow, what the fuck happened there? You pulled out a knife and threatened me, and I just killed you. Huh. Interesting. But you know, that. That's why they don't like California, because you, like everyone in California, is a bunch of assholes. And that's opposed to. As opposed to Colorado. We can be nice out here. [00:21:34] Speaker B: The key word here is can. [00:21:36] Speaker A: As long as you're not from California. Like, if you come here from California. You better have, like, a guide, someone that, like, lives here, you know? But that's your friend. Like, Courtney can come out here and have, like, us as the guide. But she lived here before. [00:21:55] Speaker B: You are excluding her from your previous statements. [00:21:58] Speaker A: Well, you know, she lived here for a while, and she moved back to California to take care of her family. [00:22:08] Speaker B: I miss living with you, Courtney. [00:22:10] Speaker C: I know. Me too. Like, really. [00:22:17] Speaker B: Babe? I'm sorry that when you married me, you married my best friend. [00:22:22] Speaker A: I mean, not really. I don't have to, like, buy her stuff. [00:22:26] Speaker B: No, we came as a set piece. [00:22:28] Speaker A: I mean, oh, my. She just exists. You know, I don't have to. You know, I don't have to, like, buy her, like, diamond rings and stuff. I don't have to buy you diamond rings either, but, yeah. [00:22:44] Speaker B: You've never once bought me a diamond. [00:22:46] Speaker A: Why would I do that? [00:22:47] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:22:48] Speaker A: Why would I buy you fucking crystallized carbon? [00:22:52] Speaker B: No. If you're gonna buy me something expensive. You know what? [00:22:55] Speaker A: I want a new car. [00:22:58] Speaker B: No, I want a coach purse. [00:23:03] Speaker C: A coach purse? [00:23:04] Speaker B: I want coach purse. I'm sorry. I want the ones where it has, like, the double handles and the bows on the side. [00:23:12] Speaker A: Well, I mean, if you're gonna buy me something expensive, I want a honey badger 300 blackout with a Sandman s suppressor on the front. [00:23:20] Speaker B: So I'm assuming that's not, like, an actual honey badger with a hat on it. [00:23:24] Speaker A: It's way more dangerous. [00:23:27] Speaker C: Oh, my God. I have to look for something. [00:23:28] Speaker B: A honey badger. [00:23:30] Speaker A: Honey badger 300 blackout. [00:23:32] Speaker B: Honey badger. You don't fuck around with honey badgers. They're like wolverines, but, like, slightly smaller and SBR too. Are there guns named after Wolverines or just after honey badgers? [00:23:45] Speaker A: I'm sure that someone made a wolverine gun. [00:23:48] Speaker B: Hmm. [00:23:49] Speaker A: Like, sometimes there's just, like, dumb guns out there that exist. Usually it's just, like, you know, Daniel defense, american tactical, you know. [00:23:57] Speaker B: Okay, I'm still obsessed with the rubber ducks bullet thingy. [00:24:01] Speaker A: Okay. So I showed my wife, like, I've been into guns, and they have specialized shotgun shells, and there's rubberization buck, and it's just rubber ducks inside of a shotgun shell. Like, little, tiny ones. [00:24:19] Speaker B: Well, I still could feel. I still feel like it could be, like, the rubber chickens and they make the noise. [00:24:25] Speaker A: Let's see. Wolverine gun. Yeah. Whitney. Wolverine. It looks awful. [00:24:37] Speaker B: I mean, it's starting with Whitney, though. The only Whitney I want to hear is a pink Whitney. Whitney. [00:24:42] Speaker A: It was a 22 long rifle, pistol, and full nickel finish. It looks like a space gun. [00:24:49] Speaker B: Okay, nickel sounds dumb no matter where you say it. Like, I just think of a nickelback, and that's, like, even worse. And that's totally for being offensive. Fuck nickelback. [00:25:03] Speaker A: Wolverine pistol. Yes, they do have a Wolverine pistol. [00:25:06] Speaker B: So why didn't they have that in the movie? [00:25:09] Speaker A: Why would they have this in the movie? [00:25:10] Speaker B: Exactly. Like, what my point is proven. I didn't even know what point I was trying to prove, but I'm now behind it. [00:25:18] Speaker A: What movie? [00:25:19] Speaker B: We went and saw Deadpool with Wolverine, right? [00:25:22] Speaker A: Yes. [00:25:23] Speaker B: And he didn't have a gun. That was a Wolverine. [00:25:25] Speaker A: He has claws. [00:25:26] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:25:27] Speaker A: Why would he have a gun? [00:25:29] Speaker B: Cause the gun you pulled up is shit. [00:25:33] Speaker A: Yeah, I pulled up another one that I was also overing. [00:25:36] Speaker B: Was that one also shit? [00:25:37] Speaker A: It was a fucking 47. You know, variant. [00:25:43] Speaker B: Your tone said everything. [00:25:47] Speaker A: I mean, whatever. [00:25:48] Speaker C: Is there such a thing as, like, a honey badger? [00:25:51] Speaker A: Yes. [00:25:52] Speaker B: Yeah. Honey badgers exist. [00:25:55] Speaker A: They're little fuckers, and they'll kill you quick. [00:25:58] Speaker B: You don't fuck with them. [00:25:59] Speaker A: You don't fuck with a honey badger. [00:26:01] Speaker B: Couldn't even fuck with badgers. From Beatrice Potter, for fuck's sake. [00:26:08] Speaker A: I like how, you know, Courtney is like, is there honey badgers? Yeah, they're like the. They look like a skunk, almost like white on the top, black on the bottom. And they're in southwest Asia, in the indian subcontinent. Yeah, they're not out here. [00:26:25] Speaker B: Oh, I. Okay. I thought there were honey badgers in America. Did we just have plane badgers? I bet that are still just as fuck as fuck around. Find out thingies. [00:26:35] Speaker A: Well, if we had honey badgers out here, we'd kill them immediately. [00:26:38] Speaker B: Okay, I thought there were only wolverines in Canada. Am I wrong? [00:26:42] Speaker A: I have no idea. You're the one that watches all these nature documentaries. [00:26:46] Speaker B: I don't. I only watch nature documentaries about the ocean and plants. I don't care about fauna. I'm here for flora. [00:26:53] Speaker A: And yet you're like, oh, yeah, the one with the cat in it. What is the cat called? [00:26:58] Speaker B: I know, I'm super. It's. Oh, my God. It's called a cod. Cod. [00:27:03] Speaker A: A cod. Cod. [00:27:04] Speaker B: It's called a cod. Cod. Ugh. Took forever. But that's what it's called. [00:27:10] Speaker A: Like, the animals I want are dumb. Like, I want a raccoon, I want a squirrel. [00:27:15] Speaker B: I bring home a trash panda. [00:27:17] Speaker A: I want, you know, sugar gliders. You know, a couple of them. [00:27:22] Speaker B: You bring home a sugar glider and feeding it to mochi. [00:27:25] Speaker A: Oh, they'll get away. They're devious little fucks, but you know, you'd have to have, like, a fucking. They'd have to have free roam to, you know, really go wherever they want. They're a bunch of social animals. Ah. But let's go ahead and get into some stories after all this dumb gun store, this gun bullshit. [00:27:53] Speaker B: See, this is a cod. Cod. It's the size of a kitten. Full grown. [00:27:58] Speaker A: You know, I want the fluffy. [00:28:00] Speaker B: They're, like, smaller than mochi. [00:28:01] Speaker A: I want the fluffy cat that has a really fluffy tail. [00:28:04] Speaker B: A main coon? [00:28:05] Speaker A: No, he, like, steps on his tail when it's like the polis, when it's snowy. [00:28:10] Speaker B: They're so cute, but their foreheads are flat and it reminds me of a tibetan fox. And I'm not quite sure how I feel about that because I don't like the pikas they eat, but I don't like rodents, period. So, like, I don't know. [00:28:24] Speaker A: Oh, and before I get into anything, if you're from California or you're coming out to Colorado, we have snow now, so fuck off. [00:28:31] Speaker B: The mountains have snow, and praise God for that, but we don't have snow. [00:28:35] Speaker A: Oh, snow is coming to a road near you. Don't worry about it. [00:28:38] Speaker B: God, I hope so. We need it. [00:28:41] Speaker A: Um, let's go ahead and get right into some fucking Florida bullshit. [00:28:46] Speaker B: Oh, thank God. [00:28:47] Speaker A: A woman who has been in a Florida county jail since June 2022 is pregnant, according to her sister and her attorney, who are demanding answers from correction corrections officials. Daisy link, 28 years old, called her family on Christmas Day to say that she was almost four months pregnant, according to her sister, Crystal Barretto. Oh, yeah, you get married and you lose your last name if you're a woman. [00:29:18] Speaker B: Only here in, like, the US. [00:29:22] Speaker A: But is it different in other state. [00:29:23] Speaker B: Or a lot of countries, women keep their own last name. [00:29:26] Speaker A: That's cool. [00:29:27] Speaker B: It's cool. [00:29:32] Speaker A: Now I gotta fucking find it, because apparently this was, like, last Christmas. It's like. [00:29:38] Speaker B: So she's already given birth, probably. [00:29:42] Speaker A: Let's search Google for. Oh, she murdered her husband. That's why she's in jail. Holy shit. [00:29:59] Speaker B: Why'd she murder her husband? That is the key question. Was he a dick or was she on it? Like, if I murder you, I will not be going to jail because I'll cover up my tracks. [00:30:15] Speaker A: Her husband, I was probably trying to kill her. Her husband was holding a gun, so literally, us. Well, I don't aim my guns at you. [00:30:26] Speaker B: You don't? How do I know? [00:30:30] Speaker A: Well, this gun here does not have. [00:30:34] Speaker B: Oh, your Lego piece gun. [00:30:37] Speaker A: And this cannot do anything. [00:30:40] Speaker B: Yeah. Cause it's made of legos. [00:30:42] Speaker A: It's not made of legos. [00:30:43] Speaker B: Everything is made of legos. Atoms are legos. Add ons are, like, the ultimate legos. My statement cannot be denied. [00:30:51] Speaker A: It's like gods just playing Minecraft. [00:30:53] Speaker B: No, there are astrophilages just facepalming right now because they can't deny it. [00:30:57] Speaker A: What did you say? [00:30:59] Speaker B: There are astrophysicists who are face palming because they cannot deny my statement. [00:31:03] Speaker A: I might have to, like, go and edit this episode now. Just like, you know, be like, no astrophysicists. You said something way different than that. [00:31:11] Speaker B: I did? What did I say? [00:31:12] Speaker A: I'll let you hear it. Yeah, I'm pretty sure you're, like, afrophysicist. [00:31:17] Speaker B: Okay, yeah, I'm drunk and I'm slurring. I'm not going to apologize for that. Oh, God. [00:31:22] Speaker A: At 31 minutes, Courtney. [00:31:25] Speaker B: What did I say? [00:31:27] Speaker A: I quite honestly, like, she tunes out all the fucking time. Like, this is my favorite part about Courtney is she will tune out until I see something fucking provocative. [00:31:36] Speaker B: Where is our sisterhood? You should be supporting me. Oh, my God. Okay, the point is, everything is legos. Now continue. Is she dead or not? And is she pregnant and was, like, the husband, her baby daddy? Or was there, like, a dude who fucked her, I'm assuming for cigarettes? [00:31:58] Speaker A: The inmate's mother told NBC six her daughter told her. A 23 year old prisoner with a long rap sheet, including second degree murder. [00:32:06] Speaker B: Dang. [00:32:06] Speaker A: Who she did not know, repeatedly passed semen inside of a glove three times through an air conditioning vent in the jail wall. [00:32:14] Speaker B: What? [00:32:15] Speaker A: What officially led to link becoming pregnant is still a mystery. [00:32:21] Speaker B: So she poked holes in the condom? [00:32:24] Speaker A: No, like, fucking, I guess like a dude jacked off into a glove. How fucking takes a glove? You know? [00:32:31] Speaker B: You would jack off into a glove? [00:32:33] Speaker A: Yeah. Men are disgusting animals. [00:32:35] Speaker B: A latex or a night trial and probably latex. Okay. [00:32:39] Speaker A: And then she just, like, took that shit and just shoved it in her pussy. [00:32:43] Speaker B: Fuck. Latex. [00:32:44] Speaker A: Just, like. And then got herself fucking pregnant. [00:32:47] Speaker B: Wait, is this just like the fucking pregnant stingray all over again? [00:32:51] Speaker A: What? [00:32:52] Speaker B: Yeah, like the stingray who got pregnant in, like, a fucking aquarium. What's the fuck's her name? [00:32:57] Speaker A: A stingray that got pregnant in an aquarium? [00:33:00] Speaker B: Yeah, like. Like she infertilized herself, like, o assisting or something. [00:33:06] Speaker A: What? [00:33:06] Speaker C: Oh, she was asexual. [00:33:08] Speaker B: Thank you. I forgot the word. But there's. But there's, like, two o's and then there's, like, an sy s after it and, like, I can't spell osprey. No, that's a bird. [00:33:22] Speaker C: Oh, my. [00:33:25] Speaker B: Okay, my long story short, I want to know if she gave birth. [00:33:31] Speaker A: Um, probably. [00:33:32] Speaker B: Okay. And why did she murder her husband? Was he, like, being a dick or was he. [00:33:36] Speaker A: He was an abusive partner. [00:33:38] Speaker B: Oh, then, yeah, he deserved to die. [00:33:40] Speaker A: The second degree murder stems from a domestic violent incident where link filed a. Fired a single gunshot while attempting to protect herself from an abusive partner. But, yeah, she had, you know, endured abuse for days and then just killed them. [00:33:59] Speaker B: Good. [00:34:00] Speaker C: Yeah. Why was she even in jail then? [00:34:04] Speaker A: Because murder is still illegal even if you do. [00:34:08] Speaker B: No, it's just illegal for women. [00:34:10] Speaker A: It's illegal for men too. Like, we get in trouble all the time for murdering. [00:34:13] Speaker B: Not as much. [00:34:16] Speaker A: As long as we murder women, we're fine. [00:34:18] Speaker B: But this is true. [00:34:22] Speaker A: So, yeah, I'm sure she did give birth, but I'm sure they're not gonna give those details out because it is a minor and they don't want, you know, that information to really get out into the hands of the public. [00:34:34] Speaker B: I just wanna know who the baby daddy is. Like, is it like, an officer who was, like, in charge or, like, aliens or some shit? [00:34:45] Speaker A: She had been telling jail officials about a pregnancy earlier. They laughed at her and told her, you've been in here going on two years. Who are you gonna be pregnant by aliens? [00:34:53] Speaker B: Whoa. [00:34:54] Speaker A: Like, mocking her. [00:34:56] Speaker B: Wait, so she's been pregnant for two years? Yeah. She's not. [00:35:00] Speaker A: No, she's been in there for two years. [00:35:02] Speaker B: How long has she been pregnant? [00:35:03] Speaker A: December was like four months. So she probably just gave birth, like, I'd say maybe in, like, last. [00:35:14] Speaker B: Maya, I don't know how long. Human gestation? I just know about cat gestations, which is 60 to 63 days. [00:35:23] Speaker C: May? Yeah, it's May. [00:35:27] Speaker A: Well, there's no evidence of sexual battery against our inmate at this time. The circumstances surrounding the pregnancy are still under active investigation. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Pregnant inmates receive timely and appropriate prenatal care. The MDCR has healthcare procedures to ensure the safety of those within our custody and any unborn child and staff, you know, but, yeah, no one should become pregnant in jail is really ridiculous. So, yeah, between the two fucking articles that I've read, I'm sure someone was just passing her, you know, semen. That way she could get pregnant and then have a fucking baby and then, you know, get treated better. Because I'm sure, you know, I wonder. [00:36:18] Speaker B: That doesn't quite work that way. [00:36:20] Speaker C: Woman can get conjugal visits. [00:36:23] Speaker A: Yes, they can. [00:36:24] Speaker B: They do. So if I get in jail, you can still come fuck me. [00:36:28] Speaker A: Technically, yes, it depends on the jail and all that other shit and other mitigation. [00:36:34] Speaker B: Like, you just have to, like, bribe people? [00:36:37] Speaker A: Not exactly. It's. [00:36:39] Speaker B: What's the difference? [00:36:40] Speaker A: So, pretty much what it is for, like, conjugal visits is you have a room with a bed and, like, you're allowed, like, 30 minutes. [00:36:48] Speaker B: Oh, so that's plenty of time for you. [00:36:50] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, like, I. Like, all you need is I'll be, like, 29 minutes. [00:36:53] Speaker B: And, like, I was literally about to say 29 minutes. [00:36:58] Speaker A: Like, I'm done with her. Like, what? You have 30 minutes. You can. You can still talk to her. I'm like, no, she's a girl. [00:37:06] Speaker B: No, I'm passed out on the bed. [00:37:08] Speaker A: Like, bow, throw her. [00:37:11] Speaker B: I can't make the noise. Right. [00:37:13] Speaker A: So, yeah, this, you know, Florida woman. Good job, lady. You got pregnant in jail. [00:37:20] Speaker B: Fucking stingrays. [00:37:26] Speaker A: And then I saw this story, and my fat guy inside myself, you know, shouted for victory. [00:37:33] Speaker B: Inside yourself? Yeah, I'm pretty sure you mean external, but continue. [00:37:37] Speaker A: Yeah, I have a fat guy inside myself. That's why I'm so fat. [00:37:40] Speaker B: Sure. [00:37:41] Speaker A: Pizza Hut is opening an NYC restaurant for one. So it's like a phone booth. A phone booth? Yeah. [00:37:50] Speaker B: So you want a drive through? [00:37:52] Speaker A: Yeah, it's limited time only. [00:37:53] Speaker B: Limited time only. [00:37:55] Speaker A: Pizza Hope Hutt is opening a brand new restaurant in New York City just for you. But it'll only be open for two days, and you need to make a reservation. [00:38:03] Speaker B: Also, it's a trial. [00:38:05] Speaker A: This single person location, which comes with a six inch personal pan pizza, will be on the 50th and center boulevard in Astoria, Queens, on October 22 from three to five, and October 23 from twelve to seven. Reservations open on Thursday at noon. Here, let me see if I can make a reservation. [00:38:25] Speaker B: As millennials, we're going from a dowel phone to the version of a single serve pizza booth. [00:38:33] Speaker A: Sold out. [00:38:34] Speaker B: Of course it is. You think you're not going to fly to New York City to get a pizza? [00:38:40] Speaker A: No, I was just going to take away a reservation from someone that really wanted it. [00:38:43] Speaker B: Oh, well, too late. [00:38:45] Speaker A: Yeah, each reservation is only for 15 minutes. So you get in, get out. [00:38:52] Speaker B: Like, is there someone else in there? Or. It's just like, pizza you'd fry in the microwave. [00:38:58] Speaker A: I think, like, you just. They go in and, like, they, like, put a pizza on the table and you just eat it really quick, and then that's it. [00:39:05] Speaker B: Pizza Hut's, like, not even that good. [00:39:09] Speaker A: So, yeah, the first come, first serve basis. [00:39:12] Speaker B: And when I see pizza hut, all I know is Jabba the hut. The slug of all slugs. Although I really did like his backstory in. Was it revenge of the clones? Clone wars. Clone wars. [00:39:30] Speaker A: Jabba the Hud. [00:39:31] Speaker B: Yeah, he had, like, a really good backstory. Cause apparently, like, his cousin was, like, the real dude who was in charge when his cousin was shot. But then, like, his cousin's fucking bodyguard showed up and protected Jabba the Hutt. And then he was, like, the new top mafia slug dude. I apologize to everyone who knows more Star wars lords than me. That's all I remember. [00:39:55] Speaker A: I thought, like, you know, I thought it was not. [00:39:59] Speaker B: He was like the kingpin. Not really. [00:40:02] Speaker A: Why? So on to the next story. A New Zealand airport has limited hugs to three minutes. [00:40:20] Speaker B: For who? [00:40:21] Speaker A: For everybody. Apparently people in New Zealand like to hug for like 20 minutes. Taking up fucking parking spots. [00:40:29] Speaker B: Everyone hugs that long when you're dropping off a loved person. [00:40:33] Speaker A: No, I'm like, get out of my fucking car. Leave. Bye. And I don't even hug him. I'm like, you're. You're gonna come back. [00:40:46] Speaker B: What if I never see my best friend in person again? [00:40:51] Speaker A: Oh, will you never see Courtney again? [00:40:53] Speaker B: Of course I'm not. Of course I want to see Gordon again. But the whole point is you have to hug at least for 25 seconds for endorphins to release. [00:41:00] Speaker A: Nah. [00:41:03] Speaker B: No, seriously. Like, I'll hug people and, like, it's a 22nd mark. They get uncomfortable, but then I hug them just a little longer. And then they, like, relax into it. And then I hug until finally they want to be released a second time. First time. If they struggle, I just hold them tighter because they haven't hit the endorphins yet and they need the endorphins. [00:41:21] Speaker A: But it's Dunedin airport in New Zealand and they have a sign, Max. Hug time, three minutes. For fonder farewells. Please use the car park. [00:41:32] Speaker B: I thought you were going to say fondler for a second. [00:41:35] Speaker A: For fondling. Use the car park if you want to fuck before you leave. [00:41:41] Speaker B: Do they have their own other special parking lot with a covering overhead and a light? [00:41:47] Speaker A: Sir? [00:41:47] Speaker B: No, you don't need it off. [00:41:54] Speaker A: That's great. Make it 30 seconds. You can hug for 30 seconds. Hug before you get in the car and then, you know, you can talk and, you know, oh, I'll miss you. And, you know, it's like, yeah, I'm just, you know, I'll go. Be gone for two weeks. Yeah, New Zealand is brutal. Like, they don't give a shit. They're like, go fuck yourself. [00:42:20] Speaker B: New Zealand shouldn't have humans in the. [00:42:22] Speaker A: First place, New Zealand's greatest. [00:42:25] Speaker B: They have the dancing birds. [00:42:27] Speaker A: I'd love to go to New Zealand. And another fucking story about Lieutenant Dan. [00:42:37] Speaker B: Where'd your legs go? [00:42:39] Speaker A: Well, it's not that guy. It's Joseph Malo. Malinowski. Malinowski. I'm just gonna say that's pretty close. Malinowski. Joseph Malinowski was arrested Friday on multiple charges, including failing to appear in court. [00:42:58] Speaker B: Because he's in a wheelchair. [00:42:59] Speaker A: No. Oh, he's just like a fucking. I wouldn't say homeless dude. A crazy dude that owns a boat. And so when the hurricane came through, he's like, I'm gonna stay on my boat. I ain't leaving for shit. I'm staying right here. Like, ain't no one gonna fucking tell me shit. [00:43:18] Speaker B: And so he's still alive? [00:43:20] Speaker A: Yeah, of course he's still alive. Yeah, he survived the entire goddamn thing. It was great on his boat, too, through a hurricane. But apparently he, like, you know, get off the boat every now and again, like, you know, trespass in a city park after a warning. [00:43:41] Speaker B: Wait, you can get arrested for showing him places after the. They have been evacuated. [00:43:47] Speaker A: Well, no, that. That wasn't it. I'm. This is, like, before the whole hurricane. And since he didn't show up to court, you know, they arrested him and. Yeah, he was warned on Thursday that he was creating a health hazard because he did not have a accessible marine sanitation device aboard his unregistered vessel. [00:44:12] Speaker B: Oh, that's important. [00:44:13] Speaker A: Do not have record of proper disposal of waste. [00:44:16] Speaker B: Okay? I care about the reef. This is fucking stupid. Yeah, fuck this dude. [00:44:24] Speaker A: Yeah, he's essentially just, like, a homeless dude that, like, has a boat and he's poisoning coral. He's pooping in Florida. I mean, like, the entire state. Just like. [00:44:33] Speaker B: I thought it was in New Zealand. [00:44:35] Speaker A: No, no, this is those. It's the airport hugs. [00:44:38] Speaker B: What? Then where are we now? [00:44:40] Speaker A: Florida. Back to Florida. [00:44:41] Speaker B: Okay, well, now he's poisoning manatees instead of the coral reef. That's worse. [00:44:46] Speaker A: Eh, fuck the manatees. [00:44:47] Speaker B: Oh, manatees are cool. And I swam with a baby manatee on accident. So, like, I have personal investment. [00:44:56] Speaker A: Nah, manatees suck. [00:44:58] Speaker B: They're sea cows. They're like hippotamus, only a lot more cool. And they're in salt water instead of fresh water. [00:45:07] Speaker A: All right, what time is it? Oh, yeah. Perfect timing. 15 minutes left. I'm now on to am I the asshole in relationship advice? And this is am I the asshole from. [00:45:23] Speaker B: Not a snitch throwaway that counteracts, but continue. [00:45:29] Speaker A: I mean, doesn't say who he is. Am I the asshole for reporting my professor for refusing to accommodate my disability? I, 21 female, am a canadian university student minoring in psychology with an 87% average b garbage I have a documented disability that requires frequently requires hospitalization, which is why I need certain accommodations, like being allowed to submit assignments online and recording lectures if I'm too ill to attend. With these in place, I've been able to keep up my grades. This semester I'm taking an elective course, which you have to have several to graduate, taught by Doctor x 70 ish male at the beginning of the semester, I submitted the paperwork for my accommodation, as I do with every class. These accommodations aren't anything excessive, just being allowed to submit work online without penalty and being sent recording lectures in case I'm hospitalized or I'm unable to attend in person. Other professors this semester have gone above and beyond and I couldn't be more happy with them. Doctor X, however, was immediately dismissive and told me he didn't believe in special treatment and that I should learn to prioritize attending class like everyone else. I tried explaining that my condition makes it impossible for me to always attend in person and that these accommodations are necessary for me to succeed. He said I was using my disability as a crutch and life doesn't hand out exceptions. I emailed him afterwards to clarify and that again, and that he respects the accommodations. He responded that I should be grateful that he hasn't already penalized me for missing one of his lectures and that in the real world there are no special privileges. This honestly broke me because I worked so hard to keep my grades up despite my condition. Things escalated through a things escalated during a major assignment I had submitted online as per my accommodation. Because I was hospitalized at the time, Doctor X deducted 20% from my grade, moving an 80 I've earned to a 60, saying it was late because I didn't submit it in person. I tried to talk to him about it, but he refused to budge and said I should have found a way to submit it in person. I reminded him that my accommodations allow for online submissions and he just brushed it off, saying I should have figured it out another way. At that point, I reported it to the university's disability office. They were really supportive and told me that he was absolutely in the wrong. A few days later yesterday, Mister X pulled me aside after the lecture, which I attended in person, and said I had made him look bad by going to the administration. He called me entitled and said I should just suck it up and deal with life's unfairness. Now, some classmate had heard about it, and a few said I had overreacted by reporting him, and I should have just accepted the situation. But since it's only one class and one professor, they still. They keep saying I need a 50 to pass the class, but I don't think I should have to accept discrimination because this class is an elective and I'm still passing. My accommodations are legally required, and I've really worked really hard to maintain my grades in spite of my health issues. Am I the asshole? [00:49:10] Speaker B: Okay. No, you're not. Nope. So I had a similar experience. So I had a teacher who flat out hated my guts, and she required that we submit, like, a fucking essay on a subject. I submitted an essay, and she hated my guts, right? So she gave me a d based on my writing style and my grammar. And I was like, this is fucking bullshit. So I went to the writing department, and they were like, oh, no, grammar's fine. This is a great essay. And I went back to her, and I'm like, yo, they said, this is fine. She was like, no, it's still a d. So I went to the dean. He was like, what the fuck? And went back, and so she had to. So she caved and gave me a b, which meant in her class ruling, I still fucking. Like, this teacher fucking hated me. Her classing was 75 instead of 70. Right at the end of the class, I had a 74, and she failed me. Then I had to retake her class anyway. Like, fuck this bitch. This shit happens, and it's bullshit. You are not the asshole. I'm so proud of you for standing. [00:50:12] Speaker A: Up and shit like that happens. [00:50:15] Speaker B: And then they wonder, that bitch. [00:50:16] Speaker A: Then they wonder why school shootings happen. [00:50:18] Speaker B: Like, she told me I wasn't good. She told me I shouldn't be a vet tech. And here I am, a vet tech, nine years later in the specialty clinic. Like, fuck her. She was just out to hate me because I stood up to her. [00:50:32] Speaker A: One of my favorite things to do is, like, find people that were shitty to me, you know, years later, like, after life has caught up with them and, like, you know, someone has, like, taken him down a peg and just like, where are you in life? And then just, like, message them on facebook and be like, oh, it looks like your life has gone to shit, you know? Fucking loser. [00:50:54] Speaker B: I do know that. A year later, after I completed the course and was, like, working, like, she got fired. Like, not after me. Like, enough. People, like, fucking, like, band together and finally bitched her out because everyone was scared of her. Cause she made it clear, like, if you didn't pass her class, you didn't get to pass the vet tech program. And so everyone was, like, scared of her. And so, like, when she failed me, I took her class a second time. You know what I did? I sat up front. I asked her questions every single day. I was such a pain in her ass. And, like, she gave me a B minus to pass her class. Like, a B minus and still, like, fuck her. I got a's in all of my other classes. Like, she cost me from my highest honors to my high honors. Like, she cost me that. Like, I'm still pissed off about it. And this is, like, nine years later. Like, I could have graduated with, like, highest honors, but I only graduated with high honors. Like, fuck that bitch. [00:51:52] Speaker A: See? [00:51:53] Speaker B: I could have been prestige. [00:51:56] Speaker A: It's like when you get fucking petty and then you just get enough money to buy her house and then just go find her landlord and just be like, yeah, I'm buying your house. Good luck finding another house. Yeah, we're kicking you out. [00:52:09] Speaker B: I don't mind being told, oh, you weren't sufficient in this subject, whatever. But don't tell me my grammar and my writing style is bad, bitch. I took so many english writing courses. I know how to fucking write. And you know what? I write from the third perspective, and I do it great because I write from the animal perspective. Like, my essays were on point. Even about compartmentalism, which I was taught absolutely nothing about, was still expected to write an essay about. I wrote a three page essay about with research all on my own. So fuck that bitch. I could have had highest honors except for her. I don't even know what that means. I just know. I just know I wasn't, like, creme de la creme. I was just. La creme? [00:52:52] Speaker A: Yeah, like, I don't know. I don't know how, like, the canadian legal system works, which I'm assuming is better than the US, but, like, I would say, just sue. [00:53:03] Speaker B: You're not the asshole, opie. [00:53:04] Speaker A: Like, I would say you underreacted. Go ahead and fucking take her for everything she's worth. Take her fucking job. Take every fucking last little bit that this bitch has, dude. [00:53:17] Speaker B: I mean, this is a dude, but continue, you know? [00:53:20] Speaker A: Doctor X, 70 year old male. [00:53:22] Speaker B: Thank you so much for being on my side, babe. I love you so much, you know? [00:53:26] Speaker A: Take. Take everything, you know? Go fucking, you know, just, like, put a small nick in one of his tires, you know? Just, you know, go buy his tire. Just, you know, take a little exacto knife. Just a little boop. You know, just kiss it. And then when he starts driving down the road, it'll just explode violently and then kill him. [00:53:44] Speaker B: Ugh. Flat tires suck. [00:53:46] Speaker A: Yeah, my wife just got one. [00:53:48] Speaker B: Yeah, and they got. [00:53:49] Speaker C: What you would do is you would not damage this car at all. You just use the other end of an air pressure sensor and let out all the air. No, you don't, you know, technically not illegal. [00:54:10] Speaker A: No, no, no. You just. You want him dead. [00:54:15] Speaker B: I once read a thing where, like, if you hate some person, you thrash. You thrash through their tires and then you, like, videotape them slashing the fourth one. Cause, like, punt later is a thing where you can, like, be like, yo, my etch, like, slash my tires. And you get tires replaced free, but you film them slashing the fourth tire, and then you get to report them for insurance fraud. [00:54:36] Speaker A: See what you do? You know, opie on this is you make fun of your teacher for still working in his seventies. Be like, you should have retired by now. You should have retired at 65. Are you an entire failure because you couldn't fucking get shit done? [00:54:54] Speaker B: Oh, my God. You're literally proving my point from earlier. I'm taking myself out at 60. I'm not gonna live past 60. [00:55:01] Speaker C: God, why don't you wanna live past 60? [00:55:04] Speaker B: Because, Courtney, I know what people look like pre 60 and post 60, and it's not pretty. [00:55:12] Speaker A: All right, then we got a little relationship advice by another throwaway. How do I. 30 female, make it clear to my husband, 33 male, that I don't want to share my bonus even if I am a stay at home wife. Husband and I, we're in a traditional relationship. After we got married, I became a stay at home wife who took care of his parents in their seventies and eighties with poor health. We plan to have two kids. He is a blue collar worker. The business isn't doing well, so we asked me to help out to keep payments of the house, which we have a 6% mortgage on, which is crazy. [00:56:00] Speaker B: What's our mortgage at? [00:56:01] Speaker A: Three and a half. Okay, now, I I barely make above minimum wage as a receptionist slash office admin. I work 30 hours a week, but I still have to take care of his parents and do majority of the chores. My husband works 60 hours a week and he makes more than I do, but I still feel it's unfair. He says we can't afford anything. We live very frugally. I'm frustrated and upset that he won't budge about spending or considering getting a new job. He was the one who wanted a house and a car, and now we have to work to the bone for something I didn't want. I got a small bonus of $300 because my boss said I was doing a very good job. Husband told me to deposit it in our shared bank account. I don't want to. I want to spend at least some bonus on myself. I need new clothes for the winter, and I like some skincare and makeup that I'm running out of. He says they're not necessities. I'm sick and tired of doing everything and having the one nice thing rewarded for me taken away, too. We are annoyed at each other, and he won't budge. How do I make it clear? I don't want to share the small bonus since we don't. I never get to do anything even when I've earned it. [00:57:18] Speaker B: What the fuck? [00:57:19] Speaker A: So apparently op, you know, woman is taking care of, you know, her in laws. [00:57:29] Speaker B: Very nice of her. [00:57:30] Speaker A: Very nice of her. [00:57:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:57:34] Speaker A: And, you know, they're old, and hopefully they have some fucking money. Hopefully they have something that they can, you know, pass down to, you know, like a house or something that. That'd be cool, but even if they don't, whatever. And, you know, blue collar workers. Yeah, they're fucking necessities. [00:57:59] Speaker B: They are necessity. You're a blue collar worker for us. [00:58:04] Speaker A: And it's fucking great. But, yeah, I mean, he. He works 60 hours. Get a fucking different job, my guy, like, if you cannot afford some shit, get a better job. [00:58:19] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:58:20] Speaker A: You know, downsize your house, you know, do something. You know, make it work. You know, it's. [00:58:33] Speaker B: And honestly, what is $300 going to do for him? Yeah, a nice jacket and some makeup. It's nice. [00:58:40] Speaker A: Yeah, let her have, like, dude, like, you know, this is me speaking to the man. You know, your wife comes, takes care of your parents, does all the fucking house chores, and got a job on top of all this, you know, even though you wanted a traditional relationship. She works, you know, enough to, you know, kind of, you know, keep, you know, foreclosure at bay, which is very nice of her. And then she gets a small little bonus, you know, hey, this is for you. Thank you so much for, you know, everything you do. And she want to do something nice for herself using the money that she earned. Let her do it. She earned that money. You know, you didn't earn that money. You know, you didn't earn it together. She did it, and she busted her ass. Let her have that fucking $300. It's not a fucking hill to die on. Just let her have it. It's fine. [00:59:42] Speaker B: I mean, in quite honesty, is that really difference between you and me? Because, like, I got my pet setting money, and granted, like, two thirds of it now went to my licensing fees. But the last little bit, I bought a nice tattoo for myself, and that's kind of it. Like, are you mad at me about that? [00:59:57] Speaker A: No. [00:59:58] Speaker B: Exactly. I'm so pissed off how much I had to pay for my licensing fees, but that's a whole nother thing. [01:00:04] Speaker A: That's fine. [01:00:05] Speaker B: Yeah, no, it's $400. It did not want to spend, but it's okay. State laws. [01:00:11] Speaker A: Whatever your work will, you know, do it. But, yeah, lady, her husband's a dick. Yeah, like, sit down and have, like, a true conversation with them. [01:00:26] Speaker B: Dump his ass. [01:00:28] Speaker A: Don't dump him. You're married. [01:00:30] Speaker B: I mean, obviously not, but, like, stand up for yourself. You're not the wrong. I want comments. [01:00:37] Speaker A: Let's see what fucking people are saying. Do you know your finances? Look at all the incoming money and look at the bills. See how it shakes out. See if the needs versus the wants. As a very poor person, I have red flags all over the place about this money situation. 90 hours a week combined with the majority is health. Healthily above minimum wage, with no kids near scraping by. Do the parents have nothing at all? The situation doesn't scream lap of luxury, but they shouldn't be in a stress panic for every penny. Yeah, I mean, I feel like the dude is, like, you know, blowing money on dumb shit. [01:01:22] Speaker B: For all we know, he is a fucking mistress. Like, he's gambling or some bullshit. [01:01:31] Speaker A: News flash. If you're not a stay at home wife, that's just a guilt trip of perceived privilege that your husband uses to manipulate and control you. You basically work full time, and you're a caretaker with two elderly adults. You're a maid, you're a cook, and you manage the household finances. Meanwhile, he works 60 hours a week and still not adequately providing for your family and won't find a better opportunity. The only traditional part of this is that you're getting screwed while taking care of everyone else around you. [01:02:01] Speaker B: That's. You know what? That's right on the nail. That's 100% correct. [01:02:08] Speaker A: Yeah, girl. He's taking advantage of you. [01:02:11] Speaker B: Mm hmm. [01:02:11] Speaker A: So. [01:02:13] Speaker B: But I'm sorry, op. You're not in the wrong, but I'm sorry you're in that situation. The dick. The d better be good. I mean, I'm just saying. [01:02:26] Speaker A: So that'll be it for this week. We'll be back next week, you know, with some more shit. So we'll see you all later. Bye.