Stupidity at School

[00:00:01] Speaker A: It is hard to be a whore. Mo all right, welcome, everybody, to the Human podcast. I have my cat Mochi in here with me. Say hi, Mo. Or don't. I don't care. I'm your host. Alex, the truck. We got my wife over here fucking making ugly faces at her fingers. [00:00:21] Speaker B: Something was stuck in my hand for a second, and I wasn't okay. [00:00:24] Speaker A: And we courtney overwa. Yeah, she's our Spanish speaking silent friend. But it's fine. She's here. [00:00:33] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. [00:00:35] Speaker A: So today was a interesting day. [00:00:39] Speaker B: Oh, my God, so much weird stuff. [00:00:42] Speaker A: So today I went to Michael's, and. [00:00:46] Speaker B: I haven't he took me to Michael's. [00:00:50] Speaker A: Well, it was right next door to Home Depot. So I'm like, fine, we'll go over there and fucking look at fake plants. So we're over at Michael's, and I get into the store, and this couple comes up to me and like, oh, I like your aesthetic. [00:01:05] Speaker B: Because he's in his spenders and I'm in my 1950s pin up dress. [00:01:10] Speaker A: And I'm like, oh, I figured they must have seen me at comedy or something. [00:01:16] Speaker B: Why did you think that? [00:01:17] Speaker A: Because they're like, hey, I liked you. And I'm like, oh, thank you. They recognized me from my comedy set. [00:01:24] Speaker B: I'm like, she made it all the way up. [00:01:27] Speaker A: Good for her. I'm like, oh, cool. Thank you. And they moved on. Because when people do recognize me from fucking comedy, that happens. Yeah, nice. I'm like, oh, thank you so much for lying to me. I'm not going to kill myself tonight. Now. Thank you. Feels good. They fucked off. And we're, like, wandering around the store. I'm playing Pokemon Go as my wife's shopping. And then we're like, over in the clearance aisle, and we see them again. They're like, oh, you found what we were looking for. And then we get to talking. And they tried to recruit us into some weird MLM scheme by playing, like, a weird long game with it. [00:02:23] Speaker B: They did? [00:02:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:25] Speaker B: I thought they were asking us if we were interested in an open relationship, but no. [00:02:30] Speaker A: They're like, are you trying to keep your options open? I'm like, no, I enjoy my job. But they immediately started talking about how they have a friend that helps that was financially independent for the last 30 years. I'm like, I already know where this is going from the second they asked about my job. And then they had a friend, I'm like, yeah, I already know. [00:02:53] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Were they Jehovah's Witnesses? [00:02:55] Speaker A: No, they were in, like, an MLM. [00:02:57] Speaker B: Well, no, I'm making a comparison. Like crocodiles that show up at your. [00:03:06] Speaker A: Like there's like, a dude named Dave Ramsey. He does like the same type of, you know, you want to join the millionaires club, you have to eat beans and rice and rice and beans. It's fucking stupid. If you have money, spend it. If you don't have kids, whatever. I don't have kids. I can spend my money. I'm never going to have kids. And they also fucking rent a place. I'm like, yeah, dude, you're not doing that well. But he's like, yeah, if you're looking to fucking get rich with us. I'm like, yeah, that's not how you do it. And so we left the clearance aisle, and then they left the clearance aisle, which I'm like, okay, yeah, 100%. They're just hearing Michaels trying to recruit fucking young idiots. And I'm like, oh, okay, cool. And they didn't buy a single fucking thing too, which made it even more sus. [00:04:08] Speaker B: How did you notice all this? [00:04:10] Speaker A: I fucking notice a lot of shit all the fucking time. I read a room when I do comedy, I fucking look at the room and fucking I judge every fucking person in there. That's what you have to do as a comedian. And you don't have to. I do it. And I'm a shitty comedian. But funny comedians do that too. And so we get to the checkout, and I'm sitting there checking out, and some dude busts through the exit. And the fucking alarms start going off. You shut off the fucking alarm, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he fucking shoves open the emergency exit on the front door. The door that's already open. [00:04:53] Speaker B: He broke the fucking door. [00:04:56] Speaker A: And then he runs out. And this dude has a small Walmart bag. Not even bulging, just a small Walmart bag. And I'm like, oh, no. He probably got away with like $0.15 in fucking styrofoam. Holy shit. [00:05:13] Speaker B: Unless it was the art supplies that cost money. Like the acrylics. I bet he stole the Acrylics. [00:05:21] Speaker A: It doesn't matter. It's a fucking michael's. I'm sure the entire net worth of the entire store based on what they paid with maybe, like $200. [00:05:36] Speaker B: I've never seen someone shoplifting before. [00:05:40] Speaker A: I've personally witnessed it. I used to work at a fucking big blue box store. That rhymes world. Yeah, something like that. And I literally watched someone fucking steal from the store. Told the manager, I'm like, that person is stealing. They have the tag still on the boots. And they're like, fucking walking towards the front door. You can stop them right now. And the manager looks at me like, mind your own fucking business. Like, okay. Yep. I'm doing that from now on. I'm not even going to fucking tell you. In fact, I condone people stealing from Walmart. [00:06:21] Speaker B: Oh, I do too. Go ahead, Walmart. [00:06:23] Speaker A: Go ahead and steal from Walmart. Just don't get caught fucking stealing vibrators. [00:06:29] Speaker B: Why? [00:06:32] Speaker A: Because they'll be like, you, Courtney. [00:06:36] Speaker B: Courtney just shoplifted some makeup. [00:06:39] Speaker A: I thought it was vibrators for some fucking reason. [00:06:41] Speaker B: It was makeup. Like, you guys were like, not even what, 15? No, I was 18 already. Oh, shit. [00:06:47] Speaker A: Yeah. Did you steal vibrators or am I just making that shit up? [00:06:56] Speaker B: I have, but that's not what I got caught with. I mean, I lived in Slasherville, and we went to Walmart. [00:07:08] Speaker A: Yeah, steal from that fucking place. They have a bunch of retards working there. Who cares? Literally, it's a corporation. And they just fuck over the little guy and make billions of dollars. Profit. [00:07:23] Speaker B: Profit. They charge like $200. Like it's part of your settlement thing if you shoplift. Yeah, if you're caught shoplifting. [00:07:34] Speaker A: Don't get caught shoplifting, you idiot. [00:07:37] Speaker B: Yeah, but they charge you. [00:07:43] Speaker A: Here's what you do. If you're going to shoplift from Walmart, fucking go to a Walmart. You're never going to go to ever again. [00:07:50] Speaker B: Oh, that makes sense. [00:07:51] Speaker A: This is very important. There's so many of them in this country. It is like a fucking burning a bridge. Do not go back there because that's how you get fucking caught. Go to a Walmart, especially if you're traveling across the country. Go ahead and steal from them. Go in and then run out the fucking emergency exit and break the door. You don't have to break the door, just boop. And the alarms will go off. And they'll be like, oh, fuck that person shoplifted. And you get in your car and fucking leave. [00:08:22] Speaker B: No one even followed the dude. Like, they all made to the door. And they're kind of just like, well, it's kind of not our problem anymore. [00:08:28] Speaker A: What's amazing is how fast they made it to that door because they were following him. [00:08:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:33] Speaker A: They knew what was up. And I'm like, oh, well, that's your fault for not stopping them. Yeah, idiots. [00:08:39] Speaker B: But also, do they get paid enough? [00:08:41] Speaker A: No. [00:08:41] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:08:42] Speaker A: They only have $200 in styrofoam at Michael's. There's no way they can fucking make enough of a profit. It's a front for the mafia. [00:08:50] Speaker B: It is. [00:08:51] Speaker A: No, I don't know. Oh, but I feel know mattress places one. [00:08:55] Speaker B: Yeah. They're like laundromats. [00:08:57] Speaker A: No, laundromats are fucking legitimate businesses owned by small fucking owners. [00:09:04] Speaker B: I thought that's where you washed the money. [00:09:06] Speaker A: No, laundering money is like putting it through a fucking business to make it legitimate. Money that you pay taxes on and the government fucking gets off your dick. [00:09:15] Speaker B: But if it's not a laundry format, why is it called laundry? [00:09:20] Speaker A: Because you're just washing the money in with your fucking so you do wash the money. Not legitimately. Wash the fucking money. [00:09:27] Speaker B: I know. [00:09:31] Speaker A: Yeah. So go ahead and steal. If you're doing a cross country trip and you see a Walmart, go ahead and go in there and fucking steal. Now if you're going to be a nervous Nelly and fucking say, alex, the truck told me to fucking steal from you guys, don't fucking do that. You guys are assholes. [00:09:45] Speaker B: Snitches get stitches. [00:09:47] Speaker A: But if you're cool, just go in there and fucking take a couple of things you need. If you need a sleeping bag and if you have a hood, even better, you just walk in there with a fucking hood. Kind of like look down. They're not fucking paying that much attention. You might catch attention, but by the time you're fucking running out the door, they can't fucking chase you. [00:10:12] Speaker B: Oh, they can't? [00:10:13] Speaker A: No. [00:10:14] Speaker B: Oh, that's why they all had to stop at the door. [00:10:16] Speaker A: Yeah, because if you fall and hurt yourself as they're chasing you into the fucking parking lot, you can sue the ever living shit out of them. [00:10:26] Speaker B: That's hilarious. [00:10:28] Speaker A: Yeah. That's why they don't fucking chase you. That's because the liability of you fucking. [00:10:34] Speaker B: Falling, someone has won that. [00:10:36] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Many, many times. [00:10:38] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. [00:10:41] Speaker A: What you do is you just kill that person. And then people, like in third world countries, they just cut off your fucking arm. [00:10:49] Speaker B: Do you get to choose which arm? [00:10:51] Speaker A: No, they cut off your fucking primary arm. [00:10:55] Speaker B: So, like to the wrist or elbow? [00:10:56] Speaker A: Shoulder, probably. Usually they'll cut off your hand. [00:11:02] Speaker B: That's fucked up. They should cut it off at the elbow. [00:11:04] Speaker A: No, just boom. [00:11:06] Speaker B: No, but then you can look at it. Look at it. [00:11:10] Speaker A: Yeah. And then if you do it again, they cut off your other hand. It's like, damn. Now you have to fucking go through life living without hands because you're a fucking thief and everyone knows it. [00:11:23] Speaker B: But how are they supposed to get a job if they have no hands? [00:11:26] Speaker A: No, they have to beggar. [00:11:28] Speaker B: But oh, my God. Okay, so I was on my way to work today and a dude was standing out at the fucking stop sign, and his sign said, dumbass, worthless, don't want to work. [00:11:45] Speaker A: I'm making that sign. [00:11:46] Speaker B: It's great. I wonder if he got money. I hope he did. [00:11:53] Speaker A: I hope he's a millionaire now. He deserves it more than anybody. [00:11:58] Speaker B: My grandfather used to do that. [00:12:01] Speaker A: Your father could legitimately do that. And just like, anything helps. God bless. I believe in Jesus. [00:12:09] Speaker B: And he like he can have like, a little mini Trump flag on the back of his wheelchair. [00:12:14] Speaker A: Dude, you should take him out there and just drop him off and he'll come back. I have enough to buy a house now because everyone feels bad for, like, a paraplegic. [00:12:29] Speaker B: Don't want to work. [00:12:33] Speaker A: Just call her dad lazy. It's like, you lazy asshole, you don't want to work. He has a reason. People with legitimate reasons, I feel bad for them and I have no problem giving them handouts. [00:12:47] Speaker B: Have you ever given anyone a handout? [00:12:49] Speaker A: Yeah, of course. [00:12:50] Speaker B: When's the last time you did it? [00:12:53] Speaker A: Fucking to you? Today. [00:12:55] Speaker B: Oh, my God. I knew you were going to say that. But besides me, because I'm not homeless, okay. [00:13:08] Speaker A: Yes, I'm a good person. [00:13:10] Speaker B: You are a very kind person. We are talking about our soon to be ex roommate. [00:13:20] Speaker A: Well, don't say that great, but let's go ahead and just jump right into the fucking stories because I found a bunch of dumb ass fucking stories today. So episode is probably just going to be called dumb asses Worthless. Well, New York bus driver drinking on job. Says she didn't know white claws had alcohol. Is not facing. [00:13:53] Speaker B: What? No. Wait. What? [00:13:56] Speaker A: So long Island Police said they will not charge a school bus driver fired last week for driving students while drinking an alcohol seltzer beverage, which was a white claw. A female bus driver just driving around with white claws. The driver, Amal Hannah, told News Twelve she took the drink from the refrigerator she shares with a roommate, not realizing that the white claw contained alcohol. Evidently, police believed Hannah, who had been a bus driver for 15 years, she was fired Wednesday after reportedly drinking with students from Smithtown High School West on the bus. Jesus Christ. High school students know what white claws are? Of course they do. [00:14:47] Speaker B: Oh, of course they do. [00:14:49] Speaker A: School district leaders confirmed her firing once aware, the district intervened immediately, and the bus company staff met the driver at Great Hollow Middle School prior to dismissal. Damn. A 60 year old, too. Hannah is reportedly undergoing chemotherapy treatment for cancer and said it affect her sense of taste and now fears ending up living on the street after losing her job. [00:15:17] Speaker B: Oh, my God. They're just pitting her because she has cancer. No one believes that. [00:15:21] Speaker A: I've been crying and crying. I don't even have any more tears. It was just a mistake. It was just a mistake. Hannah told that's hilarious. [00:15:32] Speaker B: This is so bad. [00:15:34] Speaker A: A 60 year old fucking dumb bitch woman not knowing what fucking white claws are. Liar. [00:15:41] Speaker B: Especially with the teenagers. Especially with the teenagers. [00:15:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:15:48] Speaker B: Although if you got on a bus and you saw the bus driver drinking as a teenager, would you do anything? [00:15:53] Speaker A: I ain't fucking snitching for shit. I'll be like, Yo, fucking busy driver. Yo, let me get some of that white claw. Fucking driving fucking drunk. Honestly, how much alcohol does a white claw have? [00:16:11] Speaker B: I have had two white claws in my life, and both of them were foul. They were so gross. [00:16:17] Speaker A: How much alcohol does a white claw have? [00:16:19] Speaker B: Like, I don't want people like them. [00:16:21] Speaker A: 4.5%. [00:16:23] Speaker B: That's it. What? Well, she's 60 and she is on chemo. I'm sure that kind of affects how sensitive you are to alcohol. [00:16:29] Speaker A: So a nine proof fucking drink? Yeah. No. And it's probably 16oz, so, yeah, there's, like, no fucking alcohol in that whatsoever. She essentially drank a light beer while driving around. Yeah. You do deserve to fucking be fired for your negligence and not reading a fucking can in a house that you shared with somebody else at 60 years old. Sucks for you. Maybe you'll fucking die from cancer. I don't know. [00:17:04] Speaker B: Probably why they're not charging her. For all we know, it's criminal. So she's technically already on the death penalty. [00:17:12] Speaker A: I mean, just take away your license just for being a woman man. Like Courtney, would you fucking snitch on this dude? On this woman? Courtney, you there? [00:17:29] Speaker B: It would depend. Like, if I like, if it was behavior, character, uncharacteristic of the bus driver, then I would talk to them first. [00:17:48] Speaker A: I'd rather have like a fucking slightly buzed older lady than some of these fucking evil ass bus drivers I've had in the past. They just scream at everyone. I'm like, are you on meth? I feel like you're on meth. I feel like they should just do randoms on fucking bus drivers. And they just bust like a bunch of them all the time. It's like, hey, so we're going to have you go in this bathroom right here and take a piss test right now. Just randomly. It's like, can I go home? It's like, no, you can't. Right now, right here, right now, into this bathroom, take a piss test, piss in this cup. And I'm sure they will get a good fucking chunk. Like, anytime I've ever done a drug test, it's like, hey, BTWS, we're going to fucking give you a drug test. You have 24 hours to go take it. It's like if you're doing drugs, you know how to cover your ass. And if you don't, you deserve to be fired. [00:18:55] Speaker B: Yes. [00:18:57] Speaker A: Get fake piss. Get the fucking shit you drink. Get whatever. [00:19:01] Speaker B: Or you can just be on a long term medication that makes you test positive. [00:19:06] Speaker A: Whatever. So yeah, old grandma. Sorry, you deserved that. [00:19:13] Speaker B: Should 60 year olds be driving? [00:19:15] Speaker A: No, fucking women shouldn't be driving. [00:19:18] Speaker B: I said 60 year olds. I did not define a gender. [00:19:21] Speaker A: I did. Next fucking dumb ass. School story. Dad strips down at school board meeting to make a clear argument about the dress code. So just to be clear, there's a fucking video. [00:19:38] Speaker B: Any Sally parent is. [00:19:40] Speaker A: Oh, cool. My fucking ad blocker now works nice because I paid for fucking ad blocker. [00:19:46] Speaker B: It's worth it, though. [00:19:47] Speaker A: It was $5. [00:19:49] Speaker B: Yeah, no, it's worth it. [00:19:51] Speaker A: Share this. Here you go. Here's the video. [00:19:54] Speaker B: Getting a lot of attention tonight after taking off his clothes during a school board meeting to reveal some pretty short shorts and a crop top. And this is all over a new dress code in the Higley school district. [00:20:05] Speaker A: Supporters of this new dress code say it was time for a change, but critics say it's absurd. Casey Torres spoke with this dad who made the visual and verbal protest during. [00:20:14] Speaker B: The meeting that parent felt his concerns were being ignored. School district meeting in Gilbert last month. IRA Latham stripping down to a crop top in shorts before telling the district board that its proposed dress policy is lax. [00:20:32] Speaker A: As a dad that's very concerned about my children as well as everyone else's kids. Jesus Christ. Your eyes are crazy. [00:20:39] Speaker B: His eyes are crazy. But I'm confused on what his argument is. Is he supporting it or is he against it? [00:20:44] Speaker A: He's against it. [00:20:45] Speaker B: So what is the policy? [00:20:47] Speaker A: So the policy right now, it was no showing like the midrift or any of that shit. It was kind of strict. And they relaxed it to where it says, now you can no longer show your underwear. That's it. The only thing it says is you cannot show, like, fucking boxers. You can't show thongs. You can't show your bra. Okay. Other than that, you can wear that. Short shorts and the fucking crop top. [00:21:18] Speaker B: Okay, so what's wrong with this? [00:21:20] Speaker A: No, he just did this at a fucking board meeting. He's fucking insane. Okay, see those insane eyes? [00:21:27] Speaker B: We both agree, like, he's in the wrong. [00:21:29] Speaker A: Yeah, he's fucking a crazy dude. [00:21:30] Speaker B: Okay. Yeah, his eyes are crazy. What's wrong with his teeth? [00:21:36] Speaker A: He's probably British. No, he has, like, that fucking combed down and flipped up at the top. Hey, I sell fucking used cars. I'm a scumbag haircut, too. But yeah, this is a dude in Arizona. Oh, the Arizona dad. Oh, yeah. The fucking heat cooked your brain, dude. Oh, yeah, but Iram latham IRA? IRA, I think okay, I'm going to come. Irritating, but yeah. IRA Latham, a father of four Higley Unified School District students, took off. Dude, you have four fucking kids in this school district, dude. Four fucking kids. And you went and did this shit at a school board meeting? The fuck is wrong with you? [00:22:29] Speaker B: Why is he assuming kids are going to dress like that in the first place? Like, it's Arizona. It's fucking hot. Yeah, they're not going to walk around like that on purpose. [00:22:39] Speaker A: Yeah, because it's hot as fuck. Of course they're going to walk like that. But yeah, he had normal clothes and then fucking stripped down to the crop top and shorts. [00:22:47] Speaker B: He looked good. He was fit. [00:22:50] Speaker A: Honestly, where the fuck did you buy that? And how did you buy that? Or is that your kids clothing? [00:22:57] Speaker B: I assumed he just got it off Amazon. [00:22:59] Speaker A: Oh, my God. [00:23:00] Speaker B: Plus size. [00:23:03] Speaker A: I don't even know how to size. Zero. What the fuck is women's clothing sizes? Let's talk about this for a second. Why the fuck do you have weird clothing sizes? We have small, medium, large, extra large, and then it just goes two, three, four, all the way up to however many you fucking need on the XL larges. [00:23:25] Speaker B: Because women's clothing is all about causing dysmorphia and making ourselves feel bad about our bodies. So we continually spend money on products to help us feel better about our bodies. But literally, we're just changing our own internal selves for society. Do you know why? Clothes, women's clothes don't have pockets. Originally, it was so back. [00:23:45] Speaker A: So you can't stick too many penises in your pockets. [00:23:48] Speaker B: No, it was leaving the house originally because men have clothes with pockets, so they have all their valuables on them, whereas a woman is forced to have all her valuables in a purse. So the idea of having her stuff stolen is a higher rate. So no pockets is subjugation of women. [00:24:02] Speaker A: It's called a fucking bug out bag. [00:24:06] Speaker B: Yeah, and that's great for you. [00:24:07] Speaker A: No, for women, you have a little bug out bag and you can just be like, I have my cell phone, my wallet, now, my car keys in there, and I'm going to run away. It makes sure that the amount of times I've left the house and not had all my shit, I'm like, Fuck. And then how did it come back home? [00:24:31] Speaker B: You know what's always bothered me? Do you know what a pencil skirt is? Where it's, like, super tight and it goes about till right here? No, but okay, so basically, it's really hard to walk in that skirt because it's so tight around above your knees. And so the dude who so there's the pencil skirt, and then there's a skirt where it's wide around your legs, but it closes off at your ankles so you still can't walk fast in it. And the dude who invented it, he literally said, I freed the legs only to hobble the ankles. That's how he described the clothing he made for women. [00:25:04] Speaker A: And you women fucking wear it. [00:25:07] Speaker B: I can't wear it. It's like I'm too klutzy for it. Praise the know. [00:25:12] Speaker A: There's Daisy Dukes you can wear. You're allowed to wear pants. [00:25:16] Speaker B: I can't wear Daisy Dukes. I don't have a butt. [00:25:19] Speaker A: You do pancake. [00:25:24] Speaker B: Courtney. I bought a pair of sweater, tights, and even in that, I had no ass. [00:25:28] Speaker A: She does. Do you want me to smack your ass more often? [00:25:32] Speaker B: Yes, please. [00:25:33] Speaker A: Okay, I'll do that. [00:25:34] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. Why don't you try to get one of those Bbls? No. Those are expensive. They do not end well. Really? No. Have you seen all those fucking botched ass shit? They're fucking illegal. That's why you have to go out to another fucking country to get it. [00:25:53] Speaker A: What are you talking about? They're way legal here. I think you can get one here in the Springs. [00:25:57] Speaker B: I thought they were illegal in the US. [00:25:58] Speaker A: No, not even close. [00:26:00] Speaker B: I'm about to be so irritated if they're. [00:26:08] Speaker A: Colorado Springs. Yeah. Bolts. Butt sculpt. Ideal image. Sono. Bello. Liposuction. [00:26:17] Speaker B: I don't trust that shit. [00:26:19] Speaker A: Plasticsurgerycolorato net. Mommy makeover Bbls. [00:26:25] Speaker B: Wow. I don't know. For some reason, I thought they were illegal in the US. [00:26:29] Speaker A: Yeah. Here's all the locations in this town that you can get a BBL. [00:26:33] Speaker B: I wonder why I thought that. I've clearly been misinformed. [00:26:37] Speaker A: Yes, there are some surgeries that are fucking shadier in other countries, but they're way fucking cheaper. So you just kind of take what you can get. Honestly, I feel like plastic surgery can be a good thing. [00:26:56] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:26:57] Speaker A: If it helps someone's self confidence, yeah, go for it. Have a fucking plastic surgery. I'm not going to be the one to sit here and say, oh, you revived before. It's like you saw something wrong with yourself that you wanted to change, and you went out and fucking paid money to change it. And hopefully that helps you feel better about yourself. [00:27:15] Speaker B: Agreed. I also don't think 16 year olds should be getting nose jobs as birthday presents. [00:27:21] Speaker A: But what if they have a really. [00:27:23] Speaker B: Fucked up nose, you shouldn't be having plastics, okay? So I'm saying this because your body is still growing, and so changes are still going to be happening. So if you make a change now, it might either be temporary, or it might fuck stuff up in the long run. I think body modification should be done after a person's body is done growing. [00:27:43] Speaker A: Well, I feel like the nose and the penis stopped growing at, like, 13 because my penis is 13 year old me penis. [00:27:50] Speaker B: I don't know. That's just how I feel about things. [00:27:54] Speaker A: There are some people with fucked up noses. I'm like, Damn, why are noses such. [00:28:01] Speaker B: A thing for everybody? I think noses are cool. [00:28:07] Speaker A: There's been people with fucked up cleft lip noses, and I'm like, yeah, go ahead and get surgery to get that fixed. [00:28:14] Speaker B: Why? [00:28:15] Speaker A: Have you ever seen what a cleft lip is? [00:28:17] Speaker B: Of course I know what a cleft look like. Do you want to know what it looks like in cats? Because it's hilarious. The cat I'm cat sitting right now, she has a cleft lip, and she's so cute. [00:28:27] Speaker A: You know what I just realized today? [00:28:29] Speaker B: What? [00:28:29] Speaker A: Cats have belly buttons. [00:28:31] Speaker B: Yes. [00:28:33] Speaker A: I just never thought about it the entire time. I don't like to think of the underside of my cat at all. I don't like to think of my cat undercarriage. I don't like to think that she has nipples. [00:28:49] Speaker B: Tai chi has nipples. [00:28:51] Speaker A: Why? He doesn't need them. [00:28:53] Speaker B: You have nipples. Male species of other all males have nipples. [00:28:58] Speaker A: Okay? Yeah, but I've never really thought about it. I don't try and think about oh, yeah, my cat's pussy, never. [00:29:07] Speaker B: So you have to shave a cat. You have to shave the fur off before you do surgery, because fur can contaminate it. So when you shave a girl cat, fur spay. Sometimes, if you're not careful, he'll shave the nipple off. Oh, my God. Poor baby. They're not going to use them, okay? And I've seen more cats with nipples in the wrong place than cats with the right number of nipples in the right place. [00:29:29] Speaker A: Jesus. [00:29:29] Speaker B: Like, there are more weird nipples than there are non weird nipples on female cats or queens. But speaking of my cat sitting gig so I'm cat sitting for this couple who are clients at my clinic. Like, I know them. I know them by their first name. And so today I came by to give Princess her medicine and Twisted Flax some pets, and I'm walking across the living room, and I see a cat toy I've never seen before. It's like a nice, pretty, brown, fluffy tail. And I'm like, oh, that's a cute cat toy. I get closer to it, and it's a butt plug with an animal tail. Oh, my God. [00:30:12] Speaker A: Yeah, put those away. [00:30:13] Speaker B: And I don't know what to do. Do I leave it out there for them to find out that I saw their butt plug, or do I put it to the side? I don't know what to do with it. [00:30:23] Speaker A: See, here's how I thought about this all day, and here's the solution I've come up with. Don't mention it ever. [00:30:33] Speaker B: Okay? [00:30:35] Speaker A: Pretend like they got it out after you left the last day, and you never even saw it. Oh, it's like, did my cats have this thing? What? What are you talking about? I have no idea. I didn't see anything weird. [00:30:55] Speaker B: God, I hope so. [00:30:57] Speaker A: Or they're just going to get home like, well, that's garbage now. [00:31:00] Speaker B: I hope if they find it, they'll wash it before they use it. Right. I don't know about you, but I don't want cat slobber going up my butthole mochi. [00:31:10] Speaker A: She doesn't want cat slobber up her butthole, so you keep her slobber to don't. [00:31:14] Speaker B: Okay? I don't want any slobber up my butthole. My butthole's gross. [00:31:19] Speaker A: No, my butthole is gross. All buttholes are know, women buttholes are fine. [00:31:25] Speaker B: They are. Why would you say that? There is so much bacteria. There is so much bacteria. It's like, almost as bad as my vagina. [00:31:34] Speaker A: Yeah. When you don't think about it, you just go for it and it's like, whatever. And either you get pink eye or you don't. [00:31:42] Speaker B: The older the older I get, the more I'm turning into a germaphobe. [00:31:46] Speaker A: Yeah, it's not good. Yeah, it's getting bad for you. But onto more stories because we're already halfway through and we're not even halfway through all this shit I have pulled up. So I saw the most American thing come from a German couple. German couple gets hitched married at a McDonald's because they wanted the ultimate United States wedding. [00:32:17] Speaker B: This is amazing. Oh, my God. This is amazing. [00:32:23] Speaker A: The Munich based newlyweds feasted on cheeseburgers, fries, McNuggets and Cokes while wearing their wedding attire. [00:32:30] Speaker B: What? Yes. Oh, my God. They're having this. They are living their best lives. [00:32:35] Speaker A: They share the thing. [00:32:37] Speaker B: They are living their best lives. Oh, my God. [00:32:41] Speaker A: So here's how they did their fucking wedding. They had a fucking look at the car. Had a convertible that was wrapped with, like, McDonald's shit. They're like, in the parking lot. They have a Grimace in the back of the fucking convertible. [00:32:57] Speaker B: Is that what that is? [00:32:58] Speaker A: That's Grimace? Yeah, they have people taking photos. [00:33:02] Speaker B: Oh, that this is amazing. Although I'm questioning why it's McDonald's and not In N Out. Otherwise Is In N Out international. Or is it just in the US. [00:33:15] Speaker A: In and out. It's California and Colorado and one in. [00:33:21] Speaker B: Oh, I think they're opening more. [00:33:23] Speaker A: They are. But it was mainly a California thing, only. [00:33:28] Speaker B: It's so much better than just they. [00:33:31] Speaker A: Just wanted a know American thing. [00:33:33] Speaker B: Like, this is amazing. Wasn't there like no, that was a Taco Bell in but yeah, there's a. [00:33:39] Speaker A: Huge ass Taco Bell in Vegas. But yeah. Newlyweds Mike and Kathy Howler and their 23 guests made an unexpected pit stop at their all. Time favorite restaurant, McDonald's in a small town in Michigan. [00:33:56] Speaker B: This is amazing. [00:33:57] Speaker A: German couple rolled through the drive through in a red Mustang while the establishment's jingle I'm loving it. Plastered across the doors is distinctive golden arches emblazoned on the hood. [00:34:10] Speaker B: I thought it was I'm loving it. [00:34:13] Speaker A: No, I'm loving it. [00:34:15] Speaker B: Oh, I thought there was an M in front of it. [00:34:18] Speaker A: No. [00:34:18] Speaker B: Why would there be an because it sounds better. [00:34:23] Speaker A: It sounds like you're being kidnapped and now you fucking came across. What's, that fucking thing where you like, no, you root for your fucking. [00:34:36] Speaker B: Stockholm syndrome. [00:34:39] Speaker A: I'm loving it. [00:34:40] Speaker B: I could have sworn. Okay, so, guys, what? It's not just California. There's one in Nevada. There's a few in Arizona, and there's Colorado. [00:34:59] Speaker A: I can tell you this. I don't keep up with fucking in and out. Honestly, it's fucking overhyped. But, yeah, they fucking opened up a big distribution fucking plant over here in Colorado Springs. [00:35:11] Speaker B: It looks so cool. It has arches and it's bougie. [00:35:20] Speaker A: But yeah. So they're all dressed up in wedding shit. They did a wedding at a McDonald's. 23 fucking people. They had a grimace. And they count themselves as McDonald's mega fans. And you'd think that they'd be huge fucking fat fucking people? [00:35:37] Speaker B: Why would you think that? [00:35:39] Speaker A: They're huge fans of McDonald's. [00:35:41] Speaker B: Okay? Only Americans are fat. [00:35:45] Speaker A: But yeah, they had, like, a shitload of fucking people there. They're Grimace. Who the fuck is this Grimace purple thing? It's Grimace. [00:35:54] Speaker B: What is it? [00:35:55] Speaker A: I don't actually know. [00:35:58] Speaker B: Thank you. Because I don't like is it part of McDonald's? [00:36:03] Speaker A: Yeah, he's like the Hamburglar. There's Grimace. There's, like, some fucking weird duck thing. [00:36:12] Speaker B: Wait, what? [00:36:13] Speaker A: There's a whole cast of characters. Ronald McDonald's is just, like, one of them. [00:36:19] Speaker B: I had no idea. [00:36:21] Speaker A: I think there's even, like, a show. [00:36:23] Speaker B: What? [00:36:26] Speaker A: I wouldn't doubt that there'd be, like, a fucking McDonald show. Let's see McDonald's show. The Wacky Adventures of Ronald McDonald back in 1998. [00:36:40] Speaker B: Whoa. [00:36:42] Speaker A: There are six episodes. [00:36:44] Speaker B: Whoa. Jesus Christ. [00:36:50] Speaker A: Oh, and then there is a McDonald land from 1963 to 2015. [00:36:55] Speaker B: Oh, that was open a deep. Wow. It didn't survive COVID. [00:37:01] Speaker A: It didn't even get to COVID. [00:37:03] Speaker B: When COVID just feels like it was, like, forever ago. [00:37:09] Speaker A: Like, when was COVID 2020? [00:37:12] Speaker B: Damn. [00:37:12] Speaker A: Back when I first started this podcast. But yeah, none of these people are, like, insanely fat at all. [00:37:23] Speaker B: Yeah, everyone over in the EU smokes cigarettes and they walk everywhere. They're not fat like, the way we are hurt. [00:37:30] Speaker A: I walk everywhere and I don't smoke cigarettes. [00:37:33] Speaker B: Yeah, and you're fat. [00:37:34] Speaker A: Maybe I should start smoking cigarettes. [00:37:35] Speaker B: You can smoke cigarettes. But not around me and most certainly not in the house. [00:37:39] Speaker A: Okay, well, I'm already out. And then onto the next story. And this is definitely for California. Bay Area restaurants. Institute penalty for Brunch vomiters. [00:37:59] Speaker B: Are these, like, people who show up, eat, and then make themselves vomit and eat? No, it's people like you and okay. [00:38:08] Speaker A: Um, so apparently restaurants over the the Bay Area that serve brunch and offer bottomless mimosas now have a fucking policy. Like, all of them, pretty much universally. And here's one of the signs. All mimosa lovers, please drink responsibly and know your limits. A $50 cleaning fee will be automatically included on your tab when you throw up in public areas. What the thank you so much for your understanding. So apparently people in California or the Bay Area were going out binge drinking on bottomless mimosas, getting so fucked up, especially with the food in their stomach, and then throwing up either at the table or in the bathroom. [00:38:59] Speaker B: That's disgusting. [00:39:00] Speaker A: And then fucking up the whole meal for everybody else. [00:39:04] Speaker B: For the entire fucking restaurant. [00:39:07] Speaker A: Yeah. And so now what they've decided to do a bunch of these restaurants that offer this is say, hey, we're going to still do this. But if you fucking drink to excess and then throw the fuck up, you're paying an extra $50, which I feel is a fair fucking absolutely. [00:39:26] Speaker B: I am 100% on board with this. [00:39:28] Speaker A: Fucking make it a $500 cleaning fee. Make it $500. And it's like, oh, yeah, go ahead and fucking drink till you throw up. You're not going to like how this ends. [00:39:38] Speaker B: Who the fuck does that? [00:39:40] Speaker A: I've been to bottomless mimosa places. And honestly, I don't like champagne. [00:39:46] Speaker B: I love champagne. [00:39:47] Speaker A: Yeah, no bubbles. I'm all good on that. I don't need fucking bottomless mimosas. [00:39:53] Speaker B: Well, yeah, you don't like wine. [00:39:54] Speaker A: I don't. So this is not a problem for me. I've never actually thrown up at a bar. I've thrown up on alcohol. Do not get me wrong. [00:40:08] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. No toast. But I'm trying to figure out if I've ever vomited in a bar. I did once, but I think it was from the actual food. Like, the food itself was gross. Like, I had to excuse myself after I put the food in my mouth. [00:40:18] Speaker A: I felt really bad. Like, there was one time I was at my friend Mario's house. [00:40:26] Speaker B: Mario, who wanted to fuck you. [00:40:28] Speaker A: Yeah, okay. Fucking adorable. Mario. And it was my friend's 21st birthday. And so we were over there. I was drinking Pinnacle birthday cake flavored vodka. And if you're not familiar with Pinnacle, pinnacle is the bottom shelf. Cheapest of the cheap. It might as well be in a fucking plastic jug. This garbage shit, like, bars don't even carry it because it's so fucking cheap they'd have to give it away. If you're like, hey, homeless man, you want some Pinnacle? I'm good on that, man. And I had gone earlier and had a baconator from Wendy's or something like that. Or like Burger King. I don't remember which one. It was just like some fucking nasty fast food bacon, hamburger, scarf and barf. And I started drinking hard, just fucking pounding shot for shot. [00:41:39] Speaker B: Are your friends also drinking? [00:41:40] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:41] Speaker B: Okay, good. [00:41:42] Speaker A: But it was my friend's 21st birthday and he was kind of, like, getting fucked up. And I'm like, I'll take your shots for you, because we were, like, playing 21, and anytime you'd bust, you'd take a shot. [00:41:54] Speaker B: You're what? [00:41:55] Speaker A: Playing 21? Blackjack. [00:41:57] Speaker B: Oh, blackjack? [00:41:58] Speaker A: Yeah. Have you never heard it's called 21? [00:42:00] Speaker B: No. I don't even think I know what blackjack is. [00:42:04] Speaker A: Okay, we're playing a card game, and anytime you went over a certain number, you had to take a shot. [00:42:09] Speaker B: Okay, cool. [00:42:12] Speaker A: And so he was like, I don't want to do my shots anymore. I'm like, I'll take your shots for you because I'm not a bitch. And if somebody offers me a shot, I'll take the fucking shot. You're not going to make a scared baby. I don't want to do shots. Give me this fucking shot. So I pound his shots, and I get way too fucked up, and I'm just, like, laying in mario's bed, and we're just all talking, and, like, I fucking lean up and fucking vomit all over myself, all over mario's bed. Just and I'm like I run to the bathroom, trying to hold it in, get the rest of it in the fucking toilet and pass the fuck out. Wrapped around the toilet. And this is why mario is such a lovely human being. I love mario, and I feel like. [00:43:24] Speaker B: I just I thought mario was dead. [00:43:26] Speaker A: No. [00:43:27] Speaker B: Okay. Boyfriend died. [00:43:29] Speaker A: No, my friend that had his 21st birthday, his boyfriend died. [00:43:34] Speaker B: Okay, continue. [00:43:36] Speaker A: But I feel like I owe mario, like, a blow job. Like, a really good, sloppy blowjob. So I wake up on the couch in my boxers, and mario had taken my clothes off and washed them for me and cleaned up my entire mess. And I felt so fucking bad. [00:44:03] Speaker B: That's what good friends do. [00:44:04] Speaker A: He was so gracious about it. I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry, mario. [00:44:09] Speaker B: Hey, you took his shots for him. If you hadn't, it would have been him who vomited. I'm pretty sure I haven't been so drunk I vomited since when we were at santa cruz. [00:44:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:44:27] Speaker B: I worked very hard to not ever get that drunk again. [00:44:31] Speaker A: Well, now I'm at the point in my life where the amount that I have to drink is legendary. [00:44:40] Speaker B: I'm sorry your liver works. [00:44:43] Speaker A: It is fucking brutal. Like, seven audios motherfuckers will make me hurt, but not make me vomit. [00:44:52] Speaker B: Is there an alcohol you're more susceptible to? No, because I get drunk way faster in wine than I do on beer. [00:45:01] Speaker A: Because beer is like they're like a bunch of garbage and then two drops of alcohol. [00:45:06] Speaker B: Boop, boop. [00:45:07] Speaker A: There we go. Shake it up. That's a beer for you. [00:45:11] Speaker B: I love my beers. [00:45:13] Speaker A: See, me, it's tequila, gin, vodka, and rum all mixed together with fucking neither one or the other to make a long island iced tea or to make an audio motherfucker, depending on what color I want it to be. The other ingredients don't actually matter. [00:45:31] Speaker B: I can't believe you like tequila. That shit's nasty. [00:45:34] Speaker A: I love tequila. [00:45:35] Speaker B: Oh, my god. [00:45:36] Speaker A: And it does not fuck me up, and it should. But see, going out drinking hard, especially with other fucking people, they get fucking drunk and I have to be the one. Oh, let's not go fucking do that. It's like, come on, Alex, let's just jump off the bridge and into the rivers. [00:45:56] Speaker B: Why are you stopping your friends from living their life? [00:45:58] Speaker A: Because they'll fucking die. And it's going to be a fucking horrible day. And I have to be like the tipsy one that has, like, a fucking buzzy nose to stop fucking people from dying. [00:46:11] Speaker B: A buzzy nose? [00:46:12] Speaker A: Have you never gotten drunk and felt your nose? [00:46:16] Speaker B: You mean when it goes, like, all hot? [00:46:18] Speaker A: No, when it goes buzzy. [00:46:19] Speaker B: My nose gets hot sometimes and my jaws hurt. [00:46:22] Speaker A: No, next time you get drunk, it comes fucking just rub like your nose like that. It tingles. [00:46:34] Speaker B: Okay, so I'm drunk and it's not tingling? [00:46:38] Speaker A: No, you're not drunk. You had, like, a fucking beer. [00:46:40] Speaker B: I am making my way through this. I'm, like, halfway through it. And I had some champagne. [00:46:48] Speaker A: Well, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe my buzzy nose fucking keeps me sober, but that's $50 fucking fine. I feel like I could pay that, but I don't get fucking throw yuppie. How about you, Courtney? Do you get throw yuppie on alcohol? [00:47:09] Speaker B: Yeah, I used to. Not too, but then I started destroying my stomach with fast food. Didn't you hear me that one night? [00:47:19] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. No, you woke me the fuck up crying after you had, like, a fight with your sister. [00:47:26] Speaker B: Yeah, I was on the toilet. The reason why I was on the toilet was because when I get really drunk, I tend to like it goes out both sides. [00:47:39] Speaker A: Well, that's awful. [00:47:41] Speaker B: Yeah, it's stupid. [00:47:43] Speaker A: Sometimes you just get in the fucking tub and just get naked, get in the tub and then have your ass face the drain. This is the best way to do this. As someone that has had fucking the worst of all worlds before. Ask for the drain because it's going to be liquid anyway. And you can fucking let the fucking vomit go in between your legs and all that shit because you don't want your shit touching you again. And then you just fucking let the water run on your back, fucking get it all out. Just boom. And then take a shower immediately. And then it's all gone. All evidence of any crimes gone. [00:48:31] Speaker B: Yeah. If I have to dissect the body, I'm going to do it in the shower. [00:48:36] Speaker A: Well, now it's shitting and fucking vomiting. [00:48:39] Speaker B: I know, but showers are easy to. [00:48:40] Speaker A: Clean up, so but now for the Florida story. More fucking school dumbass theory bullshit. Parents outraged after teacher accidentally shows Winnie the Pooh slasher films to fourth graders school to fourth graders in Miami Springs. How old are fourth graders fucking young. [00:49:08] Speaker B: Like preteen ten. [00:49:11] Speaker A: Preteen ish yeah, I'd say ten. So Winnie the Pooh, Blood and Honey, or whatever the fuck it's called, is a slasher horror film that includes Winnie the Pooh. [00:49:25] Speaker B: So does slasher mean something? [00:49:27] Speaker A: Horror movie. [00:49:28] Speaker B: Okay, but what does slasher imply? Like knives? [00:49:30] Speaker A: Slasher. What do you think it implies? [00:49:34] Speaker B: Okay, well, no, the way slasher. [00:49:36] Speaker A: What do you think it implies? [00:49:38] Speaker B: I'm assuming it implies knives, but the way you said slasher, to me, it sounded like it meant like a type of genre of horror. Yeah, so that's what I was confirming. [00:49:47] Speaker A: Like, when I say a shooter video game, what do you think it means? [00:49:53] Speaker B: Come. [00:49:54] Speaker A: Shooter video game. You think it means come? [00:49:56] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:49:58] Speaker A: Okay, ignoring you now. So a teacher at Miami Springs accidentally showed students a horror film that included Winnie the Pooh, angering several parents who are now wondering how the campus mishap happened. [00:50:15] Speaker B: I also want to know how this happened. [00:50:17] Speaker A: The film showed to some fourth graders that the Academy for Innovative Education Charter School did not depict AA millie's cute teddy bear. The movie selection was Winnie the Pooh, Blood and Honey, a horror take on the beloved creation. Honestly, I don't know if I'd play that for a fourth grade parent. Melissa Barano said, who cares? Fuck you, bitch. The film was not rated, and it follows Pooh and Piglet as they go on a bloody rampage after Christopher Robin abandons them when he goes to college. [00:50:59] Speaker B: I don't mind this plotline, actually. I didn't realize Piglet was involved. I cannot not. [00:51:08] Speaker A: I don't know how that was mistakenly shown. It's because everything's now electric. It's not like a VHS. I could have had the wrong cover. [00:51:18] Speaker B: Oh, you remember hiding your video from your parents in a VR cover? Or a VH cover? That wasn't the same one. I had to do that. Is that not normal? [00:51:28] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, 20 minutes of the film was played. According to Harish, only one scary scene was shown. The teacher then turned it off. Terrible, because at that age, they are scared of everything. [00:51:41] Speaker B: That sounds helicopter parentish right there. I'm not going to lie. [00:51:46] Speaker A: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. News Seven asked if the teacher received any disciplinary action. That question went unanswered. I mean, I'm sure the teacher just saw Winnie the fucking Poo and just put it in. [00:52:04] Speaker B: Nah, nah. Okay. You don't see the word Winnie the Pooh and then Blood and Honey be like, oh, yeah. [00:52:15] Speaker A: I mean, sometimes you just don't fucking know. [00:52:17] Speaker B: Like, is it CGI or is it. [00:52:19] Speaker A: No, it's live action. [00:52:20] Speaker B: Okay, so it's people in costumes. [00:52:22] Speaker A: Yeah, essentially. Okay, but it's a horror movie and I'm not going to fucking show it to you. [00:52:27] Speaker B: Kind of sounds like Freddy Knight Fridays or something. [00:52:30] Speaker A: Yeah, like fucking any of the fucking Freddie versus Jason flicks. Fucking Freddy Krueger, Jason X. [00:52:37] Speaker B: But wasn't there like a game, too? [00:52:38] Speaker A: Yeah, there's a bunch of games. It's a game called Friday the 13th. There's a game on the SNES or whatever. It's like game over. You and your friends are dead. I'm like, Hell, yeah. It's literally what it said. Like, anytime you died, you'd always have to fight. Jason sucked. It was a 2D game. Side scroller. It was fun for the time, but yeah. I feel bad for this teacher because I can understand how some fucking okay. [00:53:14] Speaker B: I want to know how old the teacher is. Because if we're in boomer age range, then, yeah, I can kind of see that happening. But if we're below that, then it. [00:53:23] Speaker A: Was a charter school, so I don't. [00:53:25] Speaker B: Really oh, it was a charter school. [00:53:28] Speaker A: A charter school. [00:53:28] Speaker B: Okay. They're not real schools. Okay, this makes so much more sense, and I'm saying that as someone who was homeschooled up until 16 and going straight into college. Fuck charter schools. They are not real school. They do nothing to help you. [00:53:48] Speaker A: Now we got. Am I the asshole? We got actually two of them. One that has an update, too. So let's start off with the first one by okay, repeat 39 30 09:00 A.m.. I the asshole for telling my parents for telling my parents that if they give my brother money, I will stop giving them money. [00:54:16] Speaker B: Absolutely the fuck not. [00:54:18] Speaker A: I am a 32 year old female. My brother is 35, and he is trash. [00:54:23] Speaker B: Oh, no. [00:54:24] Speaker A: He has multiple baby mamas, and he's a deadbeat. Also, the apple my mother's eye. And he can do no wrong and is just misunderstood. [00:54:31] Speaker B: My God. [00:54:32] Speaker A: My parents are retired and on a fixed budget. I do well for myself, and I will help them out. I'll give them maybe 500 a month to help them with groceries and bills. [00:54:42] Speaker B: Chica. [00:54:43] Speaker A: Every once in a while, I'll give them extra for unexpected expense, no questions asked. [00:54:49] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:54:49] Speaker A: My mom asked me for $2,000. I sent it to her. Strangely enough, I ran into my brother at a family wedding I had been told that he could not afford because it was a destination wedding. Weird funny story. He actually missed the wedding because he hooked up with some rando on an excursion and went to their resort. It was our cousin's wedding, and my aunt was pissed. She had made special arrangements to get him included on the trip since he only got the money last minute. She said my mom shouldn't have given him the money, and if he wasn't even going to show up, then she shut up after she saw the look on my face. I enjoyed the wedding and had a great time. I went home to see my parents. I asked my mom why she had asked for the $2,000. She lied and said it was for the house. I asked what she couldn't say. I told her what my aunt said. I told her and my father from now on, I wanted receipts for any money I gave them. [00:55:49] Speaker B: Straight up. [00:55:50] Speaker A: I said I have no problem helping them out, but I'll be damned if I work my ass off for her to give my money to my piece of shit brother. [00:55:58] Speaker B: Straight up. [00:56:00] Speaker A: She started crying and my dad said they weren't children and they didn't answer to me. I agreed and walked out. [00:56:11] Speaker B: Whoop. What? Boundaries. You go, girl. [00:56:13] Speaker A: I didn't talk to them for two months. My aunt called yesterday and told me that my parents are thinking of going to the food bank since they didn't have any money. I said I had given them $2,000 a couple of months ago and that was more for a family of three to spend on food for at that time. She said I knew damn well they had given the money to my brother. I told them that he should probably pay them back and she said I was being a bitch. Am I the asshole? [00:56:45] Speaker B: Her dad told her that they didn't answer to her. She agreed. She walked out. They are not her responsibility and they have said so. Maybe the aunt should give them money. Yes. See if she wants that money going to her piece of shit nephew. Yes. [00:57:05] Speaker A: No fucking. If you're a piece of shit, go fuck yourself. Let's see what the comments say. [00:57:13] Speaker B: And this dude's been procreating. [00:57:16] Speaker A: Opie, you're not the asshole your parents are. They've created this monster and now they're supporting them and they're using you as a cash cow. [00:57:25] Speaker B: Straight up. [00:57:26] Speaker A: Yes, it's true they don't answer to you, but if you're footing the bill, they damn well better tell you where the money is going. And your aunt calling you a bitch is funny. She cares so much about your parents, she should be footing the bill, which I highly doubt because people are always one to talk but never one to sign a check. Stand your ground and let them suffer a little so they understand they won't die over eating some food from a food bank for once. Yeah. Good for you, Op. [00:57:59] Speaker B: Straight up. Boundaries. [00:58:02] Speaker A: Your brother is older than you and fucking doesn't have his life together. I don't have enough money to send my parents $500. [00:58:09] Speaker B: Your parents don't need $500. [00:58:11] Speaker A: No, they don't. But that was a fucking thing. I could probably make that work, but I don't have extra fucking money like that. I don't have it like that. [00:58:22] Speaker B: You have to support me. [00:58:25] Speaker A: So this is one I saw and it has an update. It is a brutal one, too. [00:58:31] Speaker B: Okay. [00:58:33] Speaker A: By Vash ad five. Three asshole if I call off my engagement because of a comment my fiance made about my late wife for some background information. I'm a 34 year old male and I have two children with my late wife, Kayla. Sam, 21, male, and Liz, 16, female. All fake names. Kayla passed away when my kids were 15 and ten. I won't give specifics about how she passed, but she was struck by a drunk driver when she was on her way home from work. That's pretty specific. She was really the love of my life, and to say her passing hit our family hard would be an understatement. I promised myself that if I got back into the dating game, I wouldn't date anyone for at least a couple years for the sake of my kids. Three years after my wife's passing, I met my now we'll call her Amanda. Things went slow. I didn't introduce her to my kids until we've been dating for about a year at that point. Now we've been together for three years and are engaged. Amanda and my kids have always had a good relationship. Neither of my kids are super close, but they've always been friendly and welcome to her. Amanda has never overstepped any boundaries. My kids like, my kids have, like, my kids have, like, trying to replace their mother. At the beginning, Amanda and I's relationship was a bit insecure. What? [01:00:04] Speaker B: She was a bit. [01:00:07] Speaker A: You know, do it like before. You want to read? [01:00:12] Speaker B: Sure. All right. Can you go to the middle of the page? Thank you. At the beginning of Amanda and I's relationship, she was a bit insecure of the fact that I was a widower. During the first few months of us dating, she would constantly ask things like, if Kayla had never passed, would I still be with her right now? I always kept my answers brief and told her that I didn't like thinking about that and about the what ifs and that she was the one I was dating now. And that's what was mad uttered. Eventually she stopped making these comments, and I stopped worrying about it. Now to the issue. My parents were hosting a family dinner to celebrate my fiance and I's engagement. It was my mom and my dad, my late wife'sister and her husband, Sam and Liz and me and Amanda. Dinner was going well. We were all making small talk about each other and talked about wedding plans. Halfway into dinner, my mom made a comment about how she was so happy I was able to find the spark I had with Kayla in someone else. I don't think anyone really paid much attention to the comment, but then Amanda laughed and said, I'm happy she died. Otherwise I would have never gotten him to myself. The tone of dinner immediately shifted, and everyone got extremely tense, especially my kids. Amanda noticed the shift and started awkwardly laughing, like she was trying to play off her comment as a joke. I honestly was just frozen at the time. As she had made a comment like that, my kids looked disgusted. Liz got up and walked out of the car. Sam waited a little bit longer, like he wanted me to say something, but I was still in shock about what Amanda had said. To make a long story short about the dinner, the dinner was kind of ruined. So I said my goodbyes to everyone, grabbed my fiance, and we all drove home. My daughter hasn't spoken to me or Amanda since, and it's been three days. I got tired of it and pulled my son aside to ask him what I should do. He said something along the lines of, I'm a grown man and don't care who another grown man marries, but I don't want a woman who speaks like that about our mother around my sister. Sam's comment kind of stuck with me, and now I'm considering calling the engagement entirely off. She never made comments like this before, but I'm worried if I let this one slide, it'll become more frequent and it will affect my daughter. I need some advice from the outside perspectives, and I just want to do right by my kids. Will I be the asshole if I called out the engagement because of comments she made? Do you want me to do the update? [01:02:23] Speaker A: No, the update is in another post. [01:02:25] Speaker B: Okay. [01:02:28] Speaker A: Pretty much. You said, wow, I didn't expect to get this much advice, blah, blah, blah, too. I tried posting an update, and I have the update in another tab. But yeah, first comment, not the asshole. Saying she's glad that someone passed so that they can be happy is pretty fucked. Saying it at a family dinner while the person's family and kids are there is beyond fucked. While it's true they wouldn't be in this position without their passing, it's not something one should be thinking about and definitely not talking about. She did it untactfully. [01:03:07] Speaker B: I want to know if she was drunk. [01:03:09] Speaker A: She was not. But, yeah, I have the update here. There's questions here's, all the fucking questions. Did my fiancee apologize to anyone at the dinner party? No, she didn't. Honestly, I don't think it even registered or has registered what she said was wrong. Two, does my fiancee have social anxiety? Not to my knowledge, no. In all the time I've known her, she's never shown any signs of social anxiety and doesn't have a history of it. How old was my late wife? She was 37 when she passed. We were the same age. Amanda's 41. A lot of people were asking for clarification of the time frame of her passing when my fiancee and I met. At this point, Kayla had been long gone for about six years. When I met Amanda, roughly three years after Kayla's passing, I didn't mention either of their ages, and I didn't believe it was important because we're so close in age. But I don't understand why you guys wanted to know. But the update is he talked to his kids and they called off the engagement. [01:04:19] Speaker B: Good. I would have done the same thing. [01:04:22] Speaker A: He wanted to be there for his kids. [01:04:24] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:04:24] Speaker A: And he's like, yep. Sorry. He hasn't even told fucking Amanda yet. But I'll update after I call it off with Amanda. Thank you, everybody. But yeah. Not super happy with the outcome, me and Manda, but I'd rather have my kids happy and healthy than have a wife. [01:04:47] Speaker B: Yes. [01:04:53] Speaker A: That fucking absolutely sucks. [01:04:57] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:05:02] Speaker A: And then we'll save the relationship advice for the next one, okay? Because they're already overtime. So thank you all so much for being here. We will be back next fucking week. Oh, shit. Don't know what's happening because you're not fucking pushing this down. What are you doing? You're, like, wrapping everything up. [01:05:23] Speaker B: I can't help it. [01:05:28] Speaker A: Follow me. Instagram, Twitter, Alex, truck all over the place if you want to see me in person. Colorado Springs. Every Friday I'm at Salador bust downtown 07:00. And every Sunday I'm at Funny Pages. The funny pages. It's a comedy club on Colorado Avenue. And if you're in Durango, every single Monday at the Starlight Lounge at 08:00, there is an open mic. I do stand up comedy. And come on down and see me and my friends. Thank you all so much. Bye.