Stuck In The Butt

[00:00:00] Speaker A: All right, welcome back to the human podcast. It's 2026. This is, like, the biggest accomplishment a lot of you millennials have done. You're like, yay, we made it through the year. You know, it's like, yeah, that. That's what it was supposed to happen. You know? What do you think was gonna happen? Like, oh, oh, we have to start 2025 all over again. [00:00:23] Speaker B: Dear God, no. [00:00:26] Speaker A: Oh, that would be awful. You know, and kind of cool. Like, just, like, you know, Groundhog Day for an entire year. And so, like, if you die during the year, you just start at the beginning again. There's a. There's a movie called Groundhog. Stay with Bill Murray. And he, like, wakes up and he has, like, repeat the day over and over and over again, and no matter what happens, there's no consequences, and he has to find a way to break the time loop. It's a pretty good movie. [00:01:03] Speaker C: What movie is this again? [00:01:04] Speaker A: Groundhog's Day. [00:01:06] Speaker C: Oh. Oh, yeah. I always found that movie so annoying. [00:01:11] Speaker A: It's okay. Like, they're. They're old movies. Like, you know, I just. [00:01:16] Speaker C: I feel like I watched it. It too much. [00:01:19] Speaker A: Oh, no, I watched it once. I cannot tell you how the movie ends. I'm sure he gets out and learns some life lesson, like every 90s movie. [00:01:29] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh. [00:01:30] Speaker A: But I'm your host, Alex. A truck. We got my wife, not the truck. And then over there, we got Courtney. [00:01:37] Speaker C: Yep. [00:01:37] Speaker A: She. She's in California. [00:01:41] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:44] Speaker A: So my goal for this year is maybe make shorter episodes, unless I have something really interesting to talk about, which I never have had something interesting to talk about. So let's just get into it, I guess. You know, this is the only time you're gonna hear me talk anything about this nonsense. Russia is condemning the US Military action in Venezuela, which I find hilarious. Like, I. I just, like, read the title because, like, that. That's all it needs to say. And I just, like, imagine the Russians as they're bombing Ukraine. Like, how dare you go over to another country and. And take their dictator away from them? You know, how dare you go over there and, you know, insert, you know, law and order. You guys are pieces of. All right, back to killing Ukrainians. It's like, stupid. You know, America just needs to, you know, go full hard dick and do whatever the they want to do for the next three years before it all goes to. But, you know, we'll see what happens. Maybe the world will explode, but I try not to get too damn political here. Up next, the police chief's lit cigarette. That's nursing home on fire. I don't mean to laugh, I don't, but. Oh God, I, I know it's a terrible thing. I. I feel so bad, you know, but a Missouri's police chief's lit cigarette was the cause of a fire that destroyed a local nursing home over the summer. This was August 7, 2025. So a bad year for these people in the nursing home. They'd start back at the beginning of the year again. But yeah, they're just like, oh, it's all like, here's what I want to know. How do they find that, like, cigarette? How do they, like, like, oh, yep, this is a cigarette that started it all. [00:04:06] Speaker B: Fire forensics is cool. [00:04:08] Speaker A: That is insane. Like, and like, how do they find the cigarette? Like, I'm sure it's all burnt to ash, like this pile of ashes was a cigarette. And yes, Mo, I know you have to interrupt every time. It's fine, come on in. But like, that's like, like that, that should be like a college course, like fire frenzy. Come on. [00:04:35] Speaker B: It is. [00:04:36] Speaker A: Is it? [00:04:37] Speaker B: Yes. [00:04:40] Speaker A: But, you know, good news, you know, like, this is why I laugh because I read it before. First responders were able to get everyone out of the building unharmed but could not save the structure. So, like, no one died from this. But I just like, imagine like the police chief back these lazy firefighters and just flicks a cigarette into like a pile of cardboard like there. Now they'll have something to do. And then the police come in. Be like, we're saving all of you guys. [00:05:09] Speaker B: Oh, he was caught on camera. [00:05:13] Speaker A: Oh, no. But like, you know, like when they don't have like the video footage like that, like, that's what I want to. [00:05:22] Speaker B: Oh, that too. [00:05:23] Speaker A: Like, like they'll be like, yep, you know, someone started a fire here. You know, someone had a firework here, you know, like out in the middle of the woods. I'm like, damn, that's some good investigation work. You know, so like everyone likes a firefighter, you know, like, there's like anytime I see like the firefighters like in our area, I'm like, I don't think they're that hot. But you know, if we had like some like, good looking firefighters, I'm like, yeah, give me a calendar. You know, it'd be a great idea to have a calendar from like a, Like a shelter. And like every month like they have like a bunch of like little, you know, pictures of the cats that got adopted that month. You know, it's like, you know, it's like, you know, all from, like, the previous year. It's like, if you want, you know, your cat to be in next year's calendar, adopt a cat. [00:06:34] Speaker B: We have a push pin board in our lobby, and so if clients wants, they can bring in pictures of their cat and just put it on the little push board. [00:06:42] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. No, no. Like, it'd be like a calendar you'd sell. And, like, you know, all the cats that got adopted would be, like, the pictures. [00:06:50] Speaker B: I think Happy Cats Haven does that. [00:06:53] Speaker A: And, like, they sell it for, like, the next year's thing. Like, you know, this is all the. The cats that got adopted. January last year. [00:07:02] Speaker B: Ah, fettuccine. [00:07:06] Speaker A: Yeah. And then if you, like, run out of room, just, like, in the squares where the dates are put, like, a picture of a cat there. I think it'd be a great idea. You know, then they can make money off of that to, you know, help the cats. [00:07:23] Speaker B: I got Gwenny from the Happy Cats Haven't. [00:07:29] Speaker C: Yeah, Gwenny, she peed everywhere. [00:07:31] Speaker A: Yeah, she peed, like, right in the middle of the couch. And we had to, like, throw it away. [00:07:34] Speaker B: Luckily, Ben had that couch came from off the street. And I'm pretty sure it already smelled like kappas. [00:07:41] Speaker A: It did not smell like Courtney's piano. [00:07:46] Speaker B: That was Cassandra's. [00:07:48] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [00:07:50] Speaker A: So Courtney's sister, you know, just uninvitedly brought a piano. Just like, hey, I have a piano. I'm like, I don't want it. [00:08:01] Speaker B: It was an upright, not a grand. [00:08:04] Speaker A: And just, like, put it in my garage. And this thing reeked of cat piss. [00:08:10] Speaker B: Oh, my God, it smelled so bad. [00:08:11] Speaker A: Like, they found, like, a pool of cat piss and, like, oh, shit. And, like, it fell in cat piss. And then, like, let's fucking, you know, put it in a storage unit and some idiot will find it. This is gonna be hilarious. And then it ended up in my garage. I don't. I don't know what happened to that piano. I'm glad it's gone. [00:08:30] Speaker B: What did happen to it? I don't remember. [00:08:34] Speaker A: Oh, my God. Your sister came and picked it up. I know that. [00:08:38] Speaker B: Okay. [00:08:39] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. [00:08:40] Speaker A: She didn't sell it. She's like, oh, fuck, I have to, like, throw this away. [00:08:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:48] Speaker A: So, yeah, yeah, that. That piano. But, you know, those days are behind us. Oh, so, like, the dude. Okay, so, like, back. Back to this, you know, fire chief that had the cigarette. Like, I. I read, like, part of the story. I didn't read the entire thing. He put the cigarette in a planter to try and Extinguish it. Noting that the brand of cigarettes that he had smoked are designated designed to self extinguish. Is that a thing? [00:09:27] Speaker B: That's a thing. Clearly it's not a thing. But is it a thing? [00:09:34] Speaker A: Yeah. A cigarette butt was just 10ft away, and he put his lit cigarette out on the plastic. On a plastic potted plant. Yeah, that. That's fucking embarrassing, though. It's like, ah, they got me on camera. Hopefully the fire destroys those cameras. Didn't happen. But of my favorite, you know, article that came out for last year, and this should be a fucking calendar. I'd buy this calendar. What, did we get stuck in our rectums last year? [00:10:13] Speaker B: Yep. [00:10:13] Speaker C: Let's see it, guys. [00:10:14] Speaker A: And, you know, they start out strong with the penis, you know, and I'm like, like, oh, no. There's like. People get stuff stuck in their penises. And like this, you know, I haven't read this list, so we're gonna read it together. Number one, a battery. What kind of battery. [00:10:38] Speaker B: Really? [00:10:38] Speaker A: A triple A. I mean, if it's a double. A good job to you, sir. Number two, candle wax. I can see it. Number three, a chess piece. It better be the fucking horse piece, you know, Otherwise you're a fucking pussy. Number four is two glass beads. Like, if it's a bead, I feel like you can, like push it out. Like just like, you know, grab the base and just go, boop. And just like push it out of your penis. Then they also have a pen and a pencil. It's like, just grab the end and just pull it out, dude. You know, use a bunch of lube. [00:11:21] Speaker C: Oh, God, no. Sometimes it just vacuum seal. What happens is it creates a vacuum seal so it's really hard to get out. [00:11:30] Speaker A: I don't know. I don't put things on my penis. [00:11:34] Speaker C: What other shit? [00:11:35] Speaker A: A comb, apple stems and apple core. Now. Now the stems. I get the apple fucking core. You maniac piece of shit. How dare you? [00:11:50] Speaker B: How was it carved? [00:11:53] Speaker A: He probably just bit into it and say, I bet I can stick this to my penis. I mean, like, this is the mind of a man. I can tell. Then they have bobby pins, paper clips. I get that. Sure. Whatever magnets spring. Holy fuck. A screw you monster. Staples. A thermometer. Well, what was the temperature of your penis? Headphones. Like, big headphones. Like. [00:12:31] Speaker B: Earbuds. [00:12:34] Speaker A: Just says headphones. A guitar string and an Allen wrench. [00:12:43] Speaker B: That could not have felt comfortable. [00:12:46] Speaker A: Yeah, none of these could feel comfortable. I've never looked at my penis and, like, I want to Stick things in that. [00:12:52] Speaker B: I mean, congratulations. [00:12:56] Speaker A: I mean, like, to each their own. I'm not gonna yuck on your yum. But it's like, you know, go out and fucking buy the toys that are designed for it. Go buy your actual sounding rods and learn how to do that. Or get some divorced woman that hates men to do it for you. Ah. And then the vagina, which I don't get how anything can get stuck in there, but actually I do. A holiday bell. [00:13:25] Speaker B: The handle, I presume. [00:13:27] Speaker A: Yeah, probably. Yeah. She's being festive. Good for her. A lighter, aluminum foil, probably to keep it fresh. She's like, I'm gonna keep my fresh for my man. I'm gonna put aluminum foil on there. Oh, no, it's stuck inside. [00:13:44] Speaker B: Ah. [00:13:45] Speaker A: Cotton balls. Oh, no, don't put cotton balls in your. A popsicle stick. [00:13:55] Speaker B: That's sad. [00:13:56] Speaker A: A plastic orca. Like the whale. [00:14:00] Speaker B: Yeah. Yes. [00:14:01] Speaker A: A gypsy. [00:14:02] Speaker C: Probably were, man. It was probably someone who was too embarrassed to get a sex toy. Like Alex that couldn't get a sex toy. [00:14:14] Speaker A: Yeah, I. I like, I. I kind of want to like. [00:14:17] Speaker C: It was so weird. Alex had this big pen that could change colors. [00:14:24] Speaker B: 10 colors. [00:14:25] Speaker C: Pens. Yeah, they were. Yeah. She used it and, and left it on her bed and I sat on it and. [00:14:32] Speaker B: I'm so sorry, my dear. It was not intended to happen that way. [00:14:36] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:14:40] Speaker A: And no one got any of those stuck in their penis. I'm good for them. Gemstones. I don't know how you get gemstones stuck in your. [00:14:49] Speaker B: No, like the giant crystals. [00:14:52] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm. I'm aware. You know. Inserted two diamond rings in her vagina wall at a party in fear that they would be stolen. [00:15:03] Speaker B: No, honey, that is not a titty pocket. [00:15:09] Speaker A: Holy shit. A latex glove. I mean, a bath bomb. [00:15:15] Speaker B: I'm very intrigued by the bath bomb. [00:15:18] Speaker A: Like, was it a full size bath bomb? Jesus. [00:15:23] Speaker C: Actually, like, ones that are sided Kegels. [00:15:28] Speaker A: A small plastic mermaid. A flower toy reports a bag of marijuana has been in her vagina for two days and is uncomfortable. [00:15:46] Speaker B: That's written on a medical chart. So. [00:15:48] Speaker A: Uh huh. Yeah. [00:15:50] Speaker B: Oh my God, I love it. [00:15:53] Speaker A: Bracelet charms, two vibrators. And this is my favorite of this list. A penis ring. Two penis rings. Separate, separate things. One was a penis ring, one was two penis rings. And it's like, you know, just to like, make sure you understand. And like, I kind of hope it was the same woman. She's like, all right, thank you for getting the penis ring out, jock. The next night. And I have two penis rings in There. Now it's like, you know, the penis rings are not for you. It's like, what? I thought they would turn into little penises, you know, that's why I put them on my. You know, like the. You know, like, grow a fucking thing where he's like. But in, like, water. And it's like, yeah, just gross. [00:16:45] Speaker B: Spongy dinosaurs. [00:16:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:16:47] Speaker B: I loved those. Those were the best. They were so. I loved. They were really tasty. I got in trouble for eating them, but they tasted really good. [00:17:00] Speaker A: And then two spoons. I imagine that they got what they were trying to get originally out, you know, like, using two spoons as, like, little clampers to, like, get something else out. And they're like, oh, we lost the spoons. And, like, now we need four spoons. It's like, no, I can't get four spoons stuck in my pussy. And this one was using a piece of plastic to masturbate when got spooked by the wind outside and threw the sheet over herself in the process of launching the piece of plastic deeper into her vagina and wasn't able to retrieve. Just like. But got spooked by the wind outside. Then a hairbrush, a detergent pod. [00:17:57] Speaker B: Oh. [00:17:59] Speaker A: A plunger cap. [00:18:01] Speaker B: Wait, how does that. Ew. [00:18:04] Speaker A: And then a beer bottle. [00:18:08] Speaker C: A plunger. Wait, what? [00:18:10] Speaker A: A plunger cap. [00:18:15] Speaker B: That's impressive. Like a regular size. Do they make, like, smaller ones? Or, like, do plungers only come in one size? [00:18:26] Speaker A: I'm pretty sure it's a stick on the end of a plunger. [00:18:29] Speaker B: No, this stick can't get stuck. It's too long. Right. [00:18:35] Speaker C: The. [00:18:37] Speaker A: Well, like, it can get stuck. Like, you can get, you know, different types of plungers, and they, you know, can be, like, ribbed fur. [00:18:46] Speaker B: No, the plunger. It's a plunger cap. That's the plastic rubber bit. [00:18:52] Speaker A: Now, that'd be the plunger. The cap is the thing on top. [00:18:56] Speaker B: It's a what? Then why is it called a cap and not a stick? A cap is a hat. [00:19:03] Speaker A: Yeah, the thing that goes on top. [00:19:04] Speaker C: Yeah, it's showing it. [00:19:06] Speaker A: What the. Yeah, something like this. Like, probably like this plunger cap. [00:19:14] Speaker C: Wear, like a plunger cap. Nothing comes up. [00:19:16] Speaker B: What the. [00:19:17] Speaker A: Is a cap a thing that goes on top? But yeah, no, she, you know, just say, like, you know, a plunger. Like a plunger stick. Sounds weird. So. And then a beer bottle was on a cruise on her honeymoon. And then the stuff in the butt just, you know, just to keep this all moving because, you know, we'll be here for Days, if we start, you know, so it starts off, you know, normal. A lubricant bottle. I get it. An enema bottle. You know, I. I would think that you put your enema bottle on your butt, then nails, then screws and nails, and then. [00:20:05] Speaker C: Oh, my God, I looked up anal paramedic guy, and the guy. The guy from Tick Tock came on. The paramedic. [00:20:14] Speaker A: Yeah, the one. That. [00:20:17] Speaker C: Public service announcement. Okay, let's see these stories. [00:20:24] Speaker A: And then patience states. He put a baseball in his rectum to see what it felt like. [00:20:31] Speaker B: I hope it was worth it. [00:20:34] Speaker A: An aerosol can. A dog chew toy. No, a dryer sheet. [00:20:41] Speaker B: Dryer sheet. [00:20:42] Speaker A: Yeah, probably to, you know, freshen up the farts. I get it. Was feeling constipated for two days. Took the base off of his beard clippers, wrapped it in a plastic baggie, and inserted it into his rectum. And it got stuck. [00:21:01] Speaker B: What was he going to do with the clippers? [00:21:03] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:21:05] Speaker B: What were the clippers gonna do? They were, like, gonna shave it. Like a fucking. [00:21:10] Speaker A: Maybe if he plugged it in, it'd like, vibrate and, like, shake the shit loose. Then a baton. A hair tie. Concern about if he still had a small vibrator in his rectum. His girlfriend placed it there on Friday. [00:21:31] Speaker B: So, wait, how did he. Wait, how did he. How do you not know? [00:21:40] Speaker A: How do you not know if you have something in your ass? Yeah, shit, my ass all the time. [00:21:44] Speaker B: I mean. No, like, if someone puts a vibrator in there, you expect someone to take it out, right? [00:21:52] Speaker A: No. That's why I don't want you around my butt. [00:21:57] Speaker B: I don't want to be anywhere near your butt. [00:21:59] Speaker A: Yeah, but you want to poke it all the time. [00:22:01] Speaker B: It's different. [00:22:01] Speaker A: You're like. Oh, let me. Like, I. You're like. You feel like there's, like, a button that gives you a million dollars every time you hit it. You, like, right on. Like, my little booty hole. Like, right. Right on. Like, the. The whole part. Like, the worst part of the whole butt. It's like the. The. The little regret button. It's like, you know. Oh, that was awful. You know, it's like the. The staples. That was easy button, except. Oh, that was awful. Yeah, I, like, I should make that, like, a little button that's like. If you like it between the, you know, cheeks. Just like, little buttons. Like, that was awful. It's like. And, like, it, like, you know, has, like, like, brown ink there, and it just, like, makes your finger brown. It's like oh, no. And I guess like a little fart spray that sprays on your finger, so now your finger smells like and looks like it. Be hilarious. A turkey baster. Plastic cleanser bottle full of liquid. And the famous one, he reports he slipped in the shower and a shampoo bottle went into his rectum. [00:23:06] Speaker B: He definitely slipped. [00:23:09] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, I believe. I believe him. States he was in the shower and was bored when he placed the shampoo bottle to his rectum. [00:23:22] Speaker B: At least a little more honest. [00:23:25] Speaker A: A dental pick. [00:23:26] Speaker B: Ew. No. [00:23:28] Speaker A: A wine stopper. [00:23:30] Speaker B: The wine stopper. [00:23:31] Speaker A: A wine stopper. [00:23:33] Speaker B: Like if he has those sometimes have a flange to him. [00:23:37] Speaker A: I mean, like, if he has, like, diarrhea. Aerates his diarrhea as it comes out. [00:23:44] Speaker B: Okay, now an aerator and a stopper are two different things. [00:23:49] Speaker A: I guess so. Oh, man. He probably, you know, had diarrhea. He's like, I need to stop this. And it definitely did. A corn cob holder. [00:24:01] Speaker B: What the is a corn cob holder? [00:24:03] Speaker A: They look like little pieces of corn with, like, spikes on them. I would not put that in my butt. [00:24:10] Speaker B: No, that sounds terrible. [00:24:12] Speaker A: They, like stab on the ends of corn. Yeah, those things had gone out with wife last night. It says had. I'll read how it says. Had gone out with wife. Wife last night and had too many drinks. Went home drunk. Wife inserted a rubbery sex toy into partner's rectum. Unable to remove. And then there is a highlighter, an invisible marker which is probably still there today because it's invisible and they can't see it. A magic wand Toy reports a 7 inch dildo inserted into the rectum. When it accidentally went too far. He attempted to use pliers to remove it. Pliers stuck too. [00:25:04] Speaker B: No. [00:25:09] Speaker A: Marbles. That. That reminds me of this story where this dude, like, got, you know, like, who's pissed off at his, like, girlfriend. And so he, like, got a bunch of like, ball bearings. Like, like, you know, kind of big ones, but not too big. And lubed them all up and heated them all. And while his girlfriend was sleeping, he just like inserted a bunch of them into her ass. And then when she went to, like, go take his shit, they all fucking came firing the fuck out and scared the shit out of her. [00:25:43] Speaker B: What? [00:25:45] Speaker A: It's a story on the Internet now I have to go find it, you know. God, this is going to ball. Ball bearings. An ass story? No, not. Not the MRI when the dude wore an mri. Definitely not the fanfic Free gay pick. Yeah, no, Like, it was like one of these, like, stupid stories. That you'd see online. And like, like, this dude was just like. Yeah. Just like put a bunch of like ball bearings in her ass while she was sleeping. And she like woke up and just. And just like the metal balls, like hit the porcelain like, oh. And she was really mad, you know, I don't think that they're dating anymore. [00:26:43] Speaker B: I would hope not. [00:26:48] Speaker A: Then. Film canister. Battery powered. Light plastic coat hanger. Inside of anus. He inserted the hanger during sexual activity. He cut off the outside of the hanger so he could drive. A penny. Those are rare. Keep that. A sandal. [00:27:11] Speaker B: Sandal. [00:27:12] Speaker A: A doorknob. He inserted a light bulb into his rectum this morning with the glass side first. Due to the suction effect, the bulb got sucked up. Oh my gosh. I mean, who has an insult inserted a light bulb in their ass. A flashlight, a vape pen. [00:27:35] Speaker B: Oh, that sucks. [00:27:37] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm like, you don't get that vape pen back. [00:27:39] Speaker B: No, you don't. [00:27:40] Speaker A: You don't want it back. It's a new flavor now. It's kind of a shitty flavor. Possible rectal foreign body. She reports placing a small vibrator in her rectum. She does not remember removing it and cannot find it. Two pencils. Corn cob style pipe. Reports using a butt plug in her anus for a few hours when it broke off. Significant other. Used tweezers to retrieve piece that broke off. Tweezers now stuck in rectum. [00:28:17] Speaker B: Okay, so clearly you. If you try to fish shit out, the fish thing you fish with will also get stuck. [00:28:24] Speaker A: I just take a shit. Makes sense. Rubber gasket. Uncooked pasta. [00:28:32] Speaker B: But that's spiky. [00:28:35] Speaker A: Piece of. I mean, not after a minute. [00:28:37] Speaker B: That's true. [00:28:38] Speaker A: Piece of nose hair trimmers. Stacy has a foreign body in his rectum that is vibrating. He states he was with a girl last night and doesn't remember much. Eyeglasses rock. Yeah, rock. Probably a good ass rock. A good ass rock. My genius is great. Sometimes an egg was being intimate with his girlfriend and they shoved a regular travel. [00:29:19] Speaker B: No, rectangular. [00:29:20] Speaker A: A rectangular travel toothbrush holder in his rectum. Was able to get half of it out. Multiple sex toys. Multiple, multiple. And then cat headed vibrator. I don't even know what the fuck that is. Fucking curious. [00:29:38] Speaker B: If it looks cute, I want it. [00:29:40] Speaker A: Curiosity killed the cat. Every goddamn time. [00:29:42] Speaker B: Satisfaction brought it back. [00:29:49] Speaker A: Search Google Images, please. [00:29:55] Speaker B: Oh, he's so pretty. The one next to it. That one I like. [00:30:02] Speaker A: They're adorable. An 18 inch dildo and then a 24 inch dildo dam. You know, good job. I am proud of you person because it doesn't say who it is. Reports having a 6 inch vibrator in the rectum. Dude, these other people had 24 and 18 inch fucking Neo dildos in their butt. [00:30:24] Speaker B: Fucking weak. [00:30:27] Speaker A: You know, since 2pm today, doesn't recall placing the vibrator and rectum. Also report reports reported taking poppers at the time. Yeah, I mean, you know exactly how that dildo got there. Dude, you're at a gay sex party. It's fine. You know, but you do you. But like, I like that how the butt was just like so much more than the penis and the vagina combined. [00:30:51] Speaker B: Yeah, of course. [00:30:53] Speaker A: Yeah. Women are smart. They don't get too much stuck stuff shoved up their and get it stuck. Yeah. But with. With that, let's go ahead and jump straight into, you know, am I the. And you know all that. So am I the by Tower Few 30. Am I the asshole for telling my wife's friend that I don't see her in the classroom? That I don't have to see her in the classroom to know that she's a horrible teacher? My wife's friend was supposed to come watch fireworks with us tonight, but she just texted my wife saying she isn't coming because I'm a nasty person who encourages my child to be rude and disrespectful. My wife and I just had a small argument about the situation that ended her with pulling the big Lebowski on me and saying I don't have to be wrong to be an asshole. That's true, but I think her friend is the asshole, not me. I'll tell you what happened and you decide for us. My wife's friend was at our house for dinner. She's a teacher and she complains a lot about it. She says the parents are impossible to deal with, the administration is not supportive, everyone has an opinion on curriculum, and the kids don't listen. I include these complaints as context for the discussion. She told my wife she was working on her lesson plan for February in Black History Month when she was making a fact sheet about Martin Luther King Jr. For her kids. Our son, who was a huge Star Trek fan, said that he should include the fact that MLK Jr was a star Trek fan. My wife's friend, with a very patronizing tone and expression, I might add, said she would. He would have been if he was still alive when it aired. I mean. I mean, legit. My son said that he was. And he used to watch it with his Daughters. His wife's friend said that he died before the show aired. I told her that she was wrong and my son was right. She said I was a perfect example of a parent that can't acknowledge when her child is wrong. I said, no, you're the perfect example of a teacher that assumes that she knows everything and can't connect with her students because she doesn't respect them. You know, Now I gotta, you know, look this up, you know. Was Martin Luther King Jr. A Star Trek fan? Yeah. Yes. Martin Luther King Jr. Was a big Star Trek fan, calling himself a Trekkie. And his support was crucial when he convinced Nichelle Nicholas. Lieutenant Ulthra. What? Whatever, whatever. My wife said not to leave the show. Telling her the role was vital in showing black people as intelligent equals. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. [00:34:30] Speaker B: Well, that completely changes the context of this story. We'll go back. [00:34:34] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, I like, I, I like to, you know, check it out. My wife forced us to change the topics. After dessert, I pulled up a video on where Michelle Nicholas was discussing talking to Martin Luther King Jr. About Star Trek. I showed it to everyone. My wife's friend asked why I couldn't let the topic lie. I said I didn't want my son to feel like he was wrong about sharing facts he knows about his interests. My wife's friend said, I don't. I don't know what it's like to be a teacher. I said, I don't, but I know she's a bad one. She never said I. I never seen her in the classroom. I said, I don't need to see because I see how she is in daily life and people who are who they are regardless of where they are. So my wife's argument is I'm the for bringing this topic back after it was settled and said I couldn't. I could have played video play the video for her son after her friend left. Taught him about giving others grace and not needing to external validation. I disagree. And I think it's important for our kid to know that we'll always stand up for him. So am I the asshole? [00:35:56] Speaker B: Okay, OP is not an asshole. I can see slightly where it's where she's talking about like giving others grace and like he could have pulled up the video when they were not in front of everyone. However, I don't think he did anything wrong. I can see his wife's perspective, but I don't think he did anything wrong. And yes, this teacher needs to fucking check in with herself because this is not setting a Good example. [00:36:25] Speaker A: Like, what I find hilarious is when teachers are wrong, you know, like, you don't know everything. Like, there's, you know, fucking, you know, plenty of teachers are like, yep, a fucking kilometer is longer than a mile. And it's like, no, that. That's absolutely not true. And it's like, yeah, no, it's 100%. And, like, the teacher will not let it go. And it's like, you just have to, like, prove it to them. And then they fucking get all butt hurt when you call them out on their bullshit. [00:36:57] Speaker B: I mean, from one end, it's kind of challenging the authority of the teacher. But if the teacher cannot make. If the teacher is not willing to be humble enough to be like, oh, wait, maybe my information is wrong. Let's go check then. I have no respect in that scenario. [00:37:15] Speaker A: I love doing research in the middle of this podcast. It's a great time. [00:37:21] Speaker C: Sexy. [00:37:22] Speaker A: Like, what do you think, Courtney? What is your opinion? [00:37:25] Speaker C: I think the kid's right that teacher. Teachers like that give everyone a bad name. [00:37:32] Speaker B: Yep. [00:37:32] Speaker A: I feel like the teacher has, like, this big brother, you know, complex. Big. You have to respect me, you know, because I'm. I'm older. I'm. I'm the, you know, smart one here. It's like, yeah, just, you know, like. Like, if someone gives you some information that you. You're not sure of, you know, just like, oh, you know, you know, show me the video. And then, you know, in that whole thing, you know, give that kid credit. Big. This is the kid right here that, you know, came up with this information. And now that kid's kind of a little bit of a legend in the whole classroom. It's like, oh, this kid knew something that the teacher didn't and brought some new information into the world of this teacher. Cool. So, yeah, I mean, yeah. That conversation between Michelle Q. And MLK Jr. Was famously groundbreaking. She's going to quit, but he convinced her to stay as a beacon to help other people of color. Yep. Yeah, that'd be perfect for Black History Month. That. That is a great thing. Yep. But. [00:38:45] Speaker B: Such a pity. [00:38:47] Speaker A: Yep. But up next, am I the. This one's long. They're both long. I'll do the shorter one first. Am I the asshole by working Macron for not wanting contact with my step kids after their mom passed? Which is brutal. Catherine was my best friend growing up. She was the first person I told that I was gay. She hugged me and told me that I was still me. We were there through everything for the last 40 years. My HIV scare in college, her kid's birth, my divorce, her divorce, and innumerable small and large, small and large life events. We got married to each other because we deeply love each other and she needed health insurance. Her grown children, who I have literally from birth, whom I have literally from birth, didn't approve. We tried talking to them, but they wouldn't listen. We eventually agreed it'd be best if I distance myself from the kids. Catherine would travel to see them and arrange it so they can visit her while I took vacations with friends. Catherine went through her savings in the last years of her life, and I supported her completely. I didn't once ask where the money I gave her went. I paid for her trips to see her friends because she needed that. I paid for gifts I sent her kids and grandkids. It's just money, and I have more than I'll spend in a lifetime. Catherine passed in October. She left her kids. She left her children was sentiment. All she left her children were sentimental items, pictures, old souvenirs, that sort of thing. She had no money. Her kids were disappointed and seemed to understand. But then, just after Thanksgiving, they tried contacting me to to know where their gifts. Last year, I rented jets, a jet Chalate Chile Chalet in Montana for the family. Also paid for two days of cat skiing. What the is cat skiing? [00:41:18] Speaker B: Maybe it's a mountain. [00:41:21] Speaker A: Now I want to know. See, this is ADHD in its finest. Cat skiing or snow. Cat skiing is a guided backcountry experience where skiers slash snowboarders riding a large tracked vehicle called the Snowcat to meet reach remote untracked powder stashes off offering, you know, endless fresh turns from resort lifts and deep snow. Oh, okay. So, yeah, they just, you know, go the out to the wilderness and, you know, get to ski wherever the they want. I did not spend that holiday with them, but it was the last year I saw all the children and grandchildren together. I said that their mother hadn't left them anything for Christmas this year. They're upset because they thought they were getting another trip to memorialize her. I guess I told them that I was going away for the holidays to spend time with my friends, and that's what I did. We spent two weeks in Morocco. I warned my friend. I didn't look at my phone for the entire time we were there. I still took pictures of my slr, so I didn't need my phone for that. When I finally turned on my phone on the way to the airport, it was full of notifications and messages from our Kids most quite impolite. I messaged each kid and I told them I don't want to hear from them again. And I blocked them. I felt like cutting off a limb. I love those kids. And I spent the last five years treating, treating, and they spent the last five years treating me like nothing. And now they want my money. I'm just done. Their father contacted me, saying I was being petty and vindictive. He said the least I could do is give them whatever my wife left me. I laughed. If I didn't have a great career and excellent insurance, she would have left me with debt. So there was young adults, some children of their own, and you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. Am I wrong for cutting them off? [00:43:31] Speaker B: Nope. [00:43:32] Speaker C: Nope. [00:43:35] Speaker A: I mean, yeah. I mean, here, here's the thing, you know, dude, like, you've been, you know, in these kids lives their entire lives, and, you know, they just kind of treat you like, they treat you like an ATM and, you know, you, you know, lead with love and then, yeah, go ahead and, you know, cut them the off. It's fine. [00:43:57] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:43:58] Speaker A: You didn't adopt those kids, you know, you don't owe them nothing. [00:44:04] Speaker C: Yep. [00:44:06] Speaker A: So, yeah, not the. They don't want a relationship with you. They only want your money. Good riddance. You owe them nothing. [00:44:17] Speaker B: Nope. [00:44:17] Speaker C: Yep. Nothing. [00:44:22] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, that. That is sad. It, like, it, like, if there was like one kid that did, you know, you know, have a relationship with op, and then that kid, you know, got. It's like, oh, man. But like, you know, would he be an if like the favoritism was like that if, like, there's one kid that made the effort and wasn't a piece of and like, gave, you know, he's like, all right, you know, here's 100 GS for you. You know, the rest of your family, they all treated me like. And like that kid just kind of stashed it. It's like, yeah, you know, but none of that happened. So, like, anytime you like meet an old person, just treat them nice. They don't have any money. I mean, the amount of people I have met, they're like, yeah, I've like, you know, $20 million. I'm like, oh, that's cool. You know, I. I know like way too many millionaires that are just like, nice people. So. Holy shit. This episode's already like fucking flown by. We're already past the 30 minutes. So let me see. You know, this one is Ask Men Advice. And I, I have a few in this. So this is Ask Man Advice. What are you supposed to do when you meet a great girl but you're in a relationship? Break up with her. You know, either break up with her. The grass is not always greener on the other side off, you know, oh, you met a great girl. [00:46:21] Speaker B: Cool. [00:46:22] Speaker A: You know, just either break up with your girlfriend, try with this new girl, or, you know, just treat your girl better. [00:46:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:46:32] Speaker A: You know, but blah, blah, blah, blah. He's been with his girlfriend for two and a half years. Things are going good. I do love her. Yeah. Stay with your girlfriend then. Idiot. [00:46:42] Speaker B: Mm. [00:46:43] Speaker A: You know? [00:46:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:46:44] Speaker A: I recently joined a volunteering group, and I met this girl who's amazing. And it's like, okay, you've known her for a few hours. Everyone can put their best foot forward for a few hours. Cool. You know what happens when you find out that she has some up things and you're like, oh, man, now I miss my ex girlfriend or ex. You know, whatever. Yeah, just. Just leave it alone. [00:47:10] Speaker C: Yep. People should just leave it alone. [00:47:15] Speaker A: But, you know, like, this idiot op decided to, you know, give this, you know, new girl his phone number, and it's like, hey, we can be friends. You know, he is straight up with her. He's like, I have a girlfriend, but we can be friends. It's like, you know, you're putting her on a back burner, you know, and if you continue to develop that relationship, you're gonna end up cheating or some stupid. And it's gonna, you know, hurt, like, everything and blow everything. The on up. Knock it the on off. Okay, dude, you can't be friends with this chick. Yeah, that. That's it. You know, either, you know, tell your girlfriend, no, I want to try with this, or just leave it alone. And then this one, I realized I'll never marry my current girlfriend. Is it wrong to keep dating her? No. I'm 25 years old. My girlfriend is 22. You're too young to even get married to begin with. I really do like her. She's super nice, cute, fun, blah, blah, blah. At the same time, she really pisses me off a lot of the time, which is why I have to take days away from her to recharge. Anyway, after a year of being together, I realize this woman is someone I will never marry. I don't necessarily want to break up with her right now, but I haven't discussed marriage really at all. Is it wrong for me to just enjoy? You know, you don't have to get married. [00:48:46] Speaker B: Okay. A. His girlfriend's 22, so she's not even fully an adult yet, like, she's still maturing and shape. And also secondly, yes, if he's not going to marry her, he needs to communicate to that if he's not going to marry her, but he's just drinking her along, he's just taking advantage of her. If he doesn't. It's okay if he doesn't want to get married, but he needs to communicate that to her. [00:49:11] Speaker A: But is it worth blowing up a relationship? [00:49:13] Speaker B: If he's not going to marry her, then there's no point in continuing the relationship if she wants to get married. [00:49:21] Speaker A: If I. If. If, like, you ever die. I'm never gonna get remarried. [00:49:26] Speaker B: I mean, I know that, but I'm not. [00:49:28] Speaker A: I mean, she's like, I know you're an ugly loser. You're never gonna get remarried. Loser. Idiot. Fuck you. [00:49:39] Speaker B: But I know you would never marry again. Like, I know that. [00:49:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:43] Speaker B: That doesn't mean you can't have a real relationship. But Opien needs to make sure his girlfriend understands that he's not interested in marriage. Because she wants to get married. She needs to. They need to break up. And she needs to find someone who does want to get married, and he needs to find someone who doesn't want to get married but does want to have a relationship. [00:50:01] Speaker A: Yeah. So I have that conversation now. You know, easy. [00:50:05] Speaker B: Hide it from your girlfriend. You know, that's what he's asking. [00:50:09] Speaker A: Yeah. Rip that band aid off, dude. You know, have that conversation. Hey, you know, what do you think of marriage? And if she's like, I would love to get married, or if she's like, marriage is for losers. Marriage is an old fucking thing where. [00:50:24] Speaker B: He literally said he makes sure he has time away from his girlfriend. That is not a healthy relationship. Like, it sounds like Opie doesn't really like his girlfriend. [00:50:32] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:50:32] Speaker B: He just likes the sex. [00:50:35] Speaker A: Yeah. Break up with her. Or don't. I don't get. You're 25, you're going to fucking. You know, it's like swinging through a jungle of vines. You're going to find another woman, like, two feet away. Oh, you want to fuck. Yeah. You know, you live in a world with tender. I'm like, my old ass brain can't fucking wrap my head around, you know, you just look at a picture of someone big. Yeah, I want to fuck. I don't want to fuck. I want to fucking know, you know, for like, dudes, like, please, anyone, will any of you fuck me? You know, and then you just, like, swipe yes on all of them. And then you get like, the one that you, like, didn't want. Like, all right, I guess. But yeah, dude, you know, have that conversation or don't, you know, string her along forever. I don't care. Seems like you. You want to, you know, keep her there forever, but then there's, like, more is like, how do I tell. Politely tell a woman with down syndrome. She's being kind of creepy, you know. [00:51:49] Speaker B: Oh, dear. Oh, dear. [00:51:54] Speaker A: Yeah, like, this is, like, the one. I'm like, oh. So I currently work at a piercing tattoo shop. [00:52:00] Speaker B: Okay, you need to give the ages. [00:52:01] Speaker A: Okay, so here's the ages. How do I, 19, male, politely tell a woman with down syndrome, 30, female, question mark. She's being kind of creepy. So I currently do, you know, work at a piercing slash tattoo place. Job's pretty cool. For the most part. I just walk around the place, occasionally ring people up. However, my supervisor, 43, male, sometimes has his little sister, 30, around 30 to 40, not exactly sure. Come chill in the break room or just lounge around our shop. She does need a caretaker and currently lives with my supervisor and his wife. So you need to talk to your supervisor about this. [00:52:46] Speaker B: Yes. [00:52:48] Speaker A: She. You know, that that's not someone you want to piss off. Too bad. She started. He started bringing her around more often lately because his wife started working and it'd be risky to leave her unattended at home. Now. That's all fine. I think she's cool and I have no problems with her, with taking her on to. To break or if the chop is a little bit slow. But a little. About a month ago, she and my supervisor told me that she has a pretty big crush on me. Ever since then, she's slowly been pushing my boundaries and just started out as mildly uncomfortable, staring and randomly taking pictures of me discreetly. But now, at this point, I think I'm getting sexually harassed. She does things like hug me when she sees me and started putting my hands under my shirt and rubbing my back and following me around the shop to hold my hand, collect my cigarette butts and ask for smooches, etc. [00:53:53] Speaker C: Oh, no. [00:53:55] Speaker A: My last straw, however, was yesterday. I was getting change in the men's room and she just walked in, phoned up, recording me. This was after she, you know, heard me telling my co worker in the other room to go change. I was mostly clothed, but was only really shirtless. But I lost my cool and I yelled at her. I. I should have, you know, looking back. She started crying very loudly, and my supervisor was upset because I. He thinks I could have handled it nicer. I really don't know how to tell. This stuff is not okay. When she first told me about how she felt, I essentially told her that she is very pretty gal now and very cool, but I don't want a girlfriend right now. And if I'm being honest, I don't think about her in that kind of way. She was upset, but since then, she must have gotten someone in her ear telling her that I'm playing hard to get because she's gotten more handsy and bold since then. TLDR supervisors disabled sister that he takes care of started making me feel uncomfortable. How can I approach as nice as possible? I don't think she's had any malice, but it'd be very much appreciated. [00:55:13] Speaker B: Opie, you gotta quit. I'm so sorry. There's no other option. The supervisor is in on this. The supervisor will not protect you. You need to leave. This is a very dangerous situation, especially with her having down syndrome. [00:55:32] Speaker A: I mean, the update is I quit. Lol. [00:55:35] Speaker B: Oh, good. That was the right thing to do. [00:55:41] Speaker A: But very proud of OP I mean, here's the thing. Like, you know, you can talk to the owner of the shop. You know, unless the owner and the supervisor are the same person. Just like, hey, like, if you really enjoy working there, you know, that's one thing. But yeah, sometimes it's just better to just quit instead of having to try and go deal with like, a giant lawsuit thing. [00:56:12] Speaker B: Yes. [00:56:13] Speaker A: So. Yep. I mean, it's just a piercing place. It's fine. [00:56:20] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:56:20] Speaker A: Comments. Time to job a hunt. [00:56:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:56:26] Speaker C: Time to job hunt. [00:56:27] Speaker A: Or you start dating the sister. [00:56:29] Speaker B: Ew. [00:56:30] Speaker A: No, just start dating. Just like it. It's. It's 10, 12, 11 years. 11 year difference. You know, just start, you know, dating. And, you know, she obviously has a crush on you. [00:56:44] Speaker B: No OP is allowed to be creeped out and be like, I don't want this. [00:56:48] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:56:49] Speaker A: Is it wrong for a neurotypical man to date, like, someone with down syndrome? [00:56:56] Speaker B: Okay, I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just saying OP does not feel comfortable. And that's what matters is OP doesn't want this situation. [00:57:09] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:57:09] Speaker B: That's what matters is OP is uncomfortable and OP doesn't want the situation, and the supervisor is in on it, and that's fucked. I mean, the supervisor is not protecting his sister in this situation because she can't be. She needs to be supervised at all times. She can't live by herself. [00:57:33] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, sometimes it's just easier to. [00:57:37] Speaker B: That means she needs to be protected. And she needs boundaries that she's unable to handle by herself. And so the supervisor is actually putting his sister at risk in this situation as well. Like, he's not protecting op and he's not protecting his sister. [00:57:54] Speaker A: I mean, but putting, like, your little sister into, like, a. Like a group home, like that, that sucks. [00:57:59] Speaker B: But letting her waltz into a changing. [00:58:01] Speaker A: Room, put a lock on the changing room, that. [00:58:05] Speaker B: It's. It's. That should have never happened in the first place. Like, this behavior is clearly being encouraged, and that's alarming. [00:58:14] Speaker A: So. Yep. Quit your job, dude. I'm sorry. You're still young. [00:58:20] Speaker C: What did he put in the update or did he put anything. [00:58:24] Speaker A: He said I quit. Lol. That's his update. Okay. [00:58:29] Speaker B: I want to read. I want to hear comments. [00:58:31] Speaker A: All right. I talked to your supervisor, for one. It's a big issue for him. Allowing your employee to be openly sexually harassed by a relative is going to blow up in his face one way or another. Just tell him you understand her limitations, but you need him to, you know, get her to. To be considerate of your boundaries. If the shoe was on the other foot, you'd be doing the same, and you were doing the same to her. It'd be incredibly inappropriate. [00:59:03] Speaker B: Yep. [00:59:04] Speaker A: Does your company have an HR or is it a smaller company? I would quietly document everything as much as you can. The sister probably doesn't know any better. It's on the caretaker supervisor to reel her in and protect you. [00:59:19] Speaker B: Precisely. [00:59:25] Speaker A: Yeah. So it seems like the supervisor is, you know, protecting his little sister, and, like. Yeah, I get it. Protecting a little sister is, like, the thing that, you know, you do. You have a bias, especially, you know, if you have a disabled little sister. It's like, you know, you see the world as, you know, attacking, you know, your disabled little sister, and everything is, like, a slight against her, and it's like, dude, she has down syndrome. You know, it's like, anytime, like, I see someone with down syndrome, I treat them nicer. Like, is that a wrong thing to do? [01:00:03] Speaker B: No. [01:00:05] Speaker A: Yeah. Like. Like, every time I meet someone with down syndrome, they're really nice. [01:00:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:00:11] Speaker A: And I'm not, like, I'm not gonna sit there and, you know, talk real slow. I'm just like, hey, how's it going? You know, and they're, like, a bit slower. I. I get that. [01:00:22] Speaker B: They are high in Capri sun. They are living their best lives. [01:00:26] Speaker A: Yeah. And, yeah, I mean, like, that's been, like, my entire life, you know, and, yeah. Don't have no problem with them now. Now if a 70 year old, you know, down syndrome woman's like, I want to you, I'll be all right. What if she is. What would be like 46, you know, 46 down. [01:01:07] Speaker B: I mean, if you want to someone in your in their 40s, you're more than welcome to. [01:01:14] Speaker A: And this is just because she has down syndrome doesn't excuse harassment. Yeah, just tell your supervisor. And if your supervisor doesn't protect you, then it's not like the shop has a bunch of money. Like there's nothing you can really get out of this by suing. Just leave. [01:01:37] Speaker B: And the more I think about this, the more upset I am with the supervisor. Like, this is his little sister. She clearly has an issue respecting boundaries. He's letting her wander around and harass people. Like he is not doing a good job of taking care of her. From my perspective. [01:02:03] Speaker A: Oh, this guy had a similar situation. This is rough. I'm sorry it happened to you. I had a similar situation, but a girl in a wheelchair. I attended this pub every Wednesday because they had an open learning how to DJ fast. And I've been going to that place and it. And I helped run open decks. This chick will call Roxy. Not sure why I'm protecting her. She told me, because you don't want to get sued, dude. She told me that she was interested and I told her politely that I wasn't, but I was honest and I did not accept that. She kept touching me, kept taking photos, telling people she was going to date me and she'd do these things around other people and it was difficult to shut down. But now she's in a wheelchair, so it's difficult to stop her. You just go up the stairs, dude. But it didn't help me. I didn't want the sexual tension. I tried to get her to stop and no one would help me. It didn't matter. It didn't matter. Uncomfortable, they'd say, she's harmless. But it wasn't. I'd bring my girlfriend over to make everything uncomfortable. She'd say bad things about me and even said I was abusive to people. Completely untrue. If I was abusive, I'd shut her down in front of everyone and not cared. Eventually, she sent my girlfriend a text message about, I don't know how she got my number, had no idea in the message. She even tried to get AI to make it look like I was cheating on her. And she told everyone that I slept with her and gave her chlamydia. She sent a whole bunch of bullshit messages. That's when the pub finally got involved and gave her a warning and then banned her after she broke it. But no one wanted to help me simply because I was avoiding and she was in a wheelchair. When you're gonna go? When you're going. He's a. You're. If you're uncomfortable. Okay, yeah, super happy. [01:04:09] Speaker B: Op quit and got himself out of that situation. [01:04:12] Speaker A: Yeah, don't. Don't weaponize the disabilities. But that's gonna be it for this week. Yeah, naturally. And we'll be back next week with some more stuff and probably shorter episodes. I'll try. Sometimes I just ramble and fucking go learn new things and have my ADHD brain take over. But that's the whole thing we're doing here. I'll try. But until then, we'll see you next week. Bye.