Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: All right, everybody, we're gonna knock into a podcast this week. It's fine.
Nothing really lined up and it's getting close to Christmas, so enjoy the holidays with your family.
Yes. Mo, did you.
Yeah, I. I know. I just started doing this thing and you have to fucking be here.
Of course you do.
[00:00:22] Speaker B: Well, come on up.
Hop up.
[00:00:27] Speaker A: Yeah, come here.
Cutest little kitten.
My favorite little kitten.
So, yeah, enjoy the family time with your family during the holidays, whatever.
Or your friends or your alcoholic friends.
Yeah, we're just. Whatever. We'll back next week maybe.
[00:00:51] Speaker B: I don't know.
[00:00:53] Speaker A: I'm a busy boy.
Do busy things like cleaning the house, getting ready for the holidays, you know, drinking beer all day. That's what I do.
So, yeah, we'll see you all next week. And yeah, we're all still live.
But yeah, no episode this week.
Maybe I might make it up for you. I might, like, go look for some, like, old comedy sets that I recorded and post those, you know, because I do record those, like, when I'm up on stage. So I might, like, look for my last week one and then do that.
[00:01:36] Speaker B: That's pretty cool, man.
[00:01:39] Speaker C: All right, this next comic coming to stage, one of my good friends. He always travels here all the time.
I'm so glad that I get to see his beautiful face every single week. I hope you get to see him more every single week. Please welcome the truck and only Alex Pacheco.
[00:01:57] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. Daydream started on time. I'm so proud of him.
So I've been married for a long time, and I know this because my wife let me know she did something crazy, you know, this last weekend. We were sitting together, you know, as we do, you know, I get one day at home with her and we're just like sitting in the living room, just like in each other's orbit, but, like, not talking to each other, you know, like. Like you do. It's like, yeah, that's fine. And I'm, you know, playing duolingo on my phone and she's on a FaceTime with her best friend, just gossiping, doing girl shit, and you know how it goes.
And like, they get up talking about, like, good looking guys, you know, I sit up, you know, I hear it. I'm like, good looking guys. Yeah. You know, I'm in and I look at my wife and I'm like, babe, am I a good looking guy? Because I'm insecure and I'm like, I need fucking, you know?
You know, tell me, let me know. And she looks at Me with all the autism in the world. And she's like, like, what?
I'm like.
And so I talked to her friend on the phone. I'm like, courtney, am I ugly? And she's like, I'm like, you don't have to say I'm hot. Just, am I okay? She's like, no.
Like, oh, no.
[00:03:22] Speaker A: God.
[00:03:25] Speaker B: I'm like. Then I like, look in a mirror and I'm like, yeah, no, they're right. They're absolutely right. Holy shit. I went to school at a public school where girls would come up with a little origami me. Like little paper. Paper foldy things and like, you know, pick a number and a color, and they're like, yep, you're fat and ugly. You. I'm like, oh, no, you remember those change r.
Everyone remembers those. No idea how to make them anymore.
[00:03:47] Speaker C: I've also said fat, ugly.
[00:03:48] Speaker B: Yeah, every time like, they. They like, you know, and like, yep, you're going to die alone. I'm like, damn.
I. I know, like, that's probably not what they said at all, but they just, like, wanted to be mean to, like, the little fat Mexican kid. I'm like, oh, but, you know, it's fine. So I'm like, used to it. But I'm like, girls can get away with anything. They can get away with murder if they want. If I dared say anything like that to my wife, if she's like, am I ugly? I'm like, kind of. You know, I would have to buy her the hope diamond to get out of that dog house. Holy. I'm like, what the are you just say to me what? I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. Like, I. I wasn't supposed to say that.
[00:04:35] Speaker A: You.
[00:04:35] Speaker B: You were, you know, being insecure. You know, I just wanted to reaffirm it. It's fine, you know, but. But like, women can do anything they want to. And it's true, you know, And I. I was like, in my truck today. I'm like, yeah, women can do anything. But I'm like, there are a few things they can't do. Like, decide what they want for dinner.
Like, I'll be at home with my wife. I'm like, what do you want for dinner? She'll look at me.
Yes. And she'll like, turn into a little troll and be like, answer me these riddles. 20 and you'll get to know what I want for dinner.
I'm like, all right, nevermind. I'm just gonna go and order some pizza. If you want some, you can have some I don't give a shit. And she's like, you don't want to play? I'm like, no, I've been married for a long time. I don't give a shit.
And, like, you know another thing? Women never shit their pants. You ask any woman, you could have seen her shit her pants, you're gonna been there for it, you know? Remember when you shit your pants? Never happened. They gaslight the fuck out of you. It's like, maybe you're drunk and you shit your pants. I'm like, I've done it a bunch.
But yeah, like, she'll, like, never admit to it. You know, I'll, like, find, like, the shitty pants. I'm like, these aren't mine. I'll just, like, wash them and just be like, oh, it never happened.
And my favorite thing that women can't do is make machine gun sounds with their mouth.
Ask your mom.
Call her after the show. Mom, make machine gun sounds with your mouth.
Like, I asked my wife, I looked at her, I'm like, make machine gun sounds with your mouth. And she's like.
[00:06:15] Speaker A: Ma', am, make a.
[00:06:16] Speaker B: Machine gun sound through the mouth.
That's pretty good.
But yeah, it's like, you know? But there is one man I want to see try, and that's Donald Trump. I saw you. You know. Cause he'll be like, I make the best machine gun sounds with my mouth. And honestly, actually, if I made machine gun sounds with my mouth, they would think someone's shooting and everyone be like, oh, shit.
I, I, I don't want that. So I'm just not even going to do it. I press it you very much.
God damn.
[00:06:55] Speaker C: Coming out Fire tonight. Give it up for Alex the Truck.
[00:06:58] Speaker A: With.
[00:07:02] Speaker C: This next comic I have had.
