Reason For Anal

Alrighty, Everyone. Welcome back to the human podcast. Are you ready to f****** lose an hour of your life? Hopefully, you're doing some productive, get the kids out of the room. Because we're gonna take a moment of silence for those people who have kids for people that have kids. That died in Texas. Oh yeah. Oh, they'd children 8:09:43 pm - cortney abel: Oh my goodness. 8:09:43 pm - You: Did I say it wrong? No, I am. Just so full of anger, just thinking about it and breathing it off. So one moment of silence Good enough. 8:09:51 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. 8:09:52 pm - You: Um, Pull out. Do anal, be gay. like, 8:09:57 pm - cortney abel: My. 8:09:58 pm - You: I, I know it. 8:10:00 pm - cortney abel: I think whoever wants to have children should have children and then whoever doesn't want to have children, you don't need to have children. 8:10:11 pm - You: If if you want to have children, there is a risk of the child dying, that that's why. 8:10:17 pm - cortney abel: There's a really everyone dying. 8:10:19 pm - You: Yeah. Like that's why. Back in the day they had like 20 kids at once they're like, yeah, they had letters like six. These are gonna die rickets. So yeah. So 406 is pretty good. Survival chance that bring that brings it down to what one third. One third. Yeah, and then you know your husband gets his penis shot off and You know, it goes to s***. From the movie. 8:10:43 pm - cortney abel: oh, 8:10:45 pm - You: Yeah. I guess what movie are you talking about? We're like the dude, like shoots all the dicks off to dudes who are about to rate that chick? That's robocop. Yeah, the dude has like the tiny penis. He's like being big to kill and he doesn't kill, he leaves his misery. That never happens. He shoots all the decks. Oh, he does. Yeah, there's like the the main rapist dude that comes out naked and here I'll make it Well, they all have their dicks out. Oh, but because there is a difference, he comes out naked and like it's holding two chicks by their head. But like their hair and he's like, no, don't wait during it's like shoots a s*** out of his dick. That's the only thing I remember from that movie, I showed you that scene independently of the movie I know and that's all I remember the movie because it me eventually watch it. No it's not the one with like the giant inside tower. Are you talking about Judge Dredd? Maybe That's a very different movie. Where it has a big old tall tower and there's like a crippled f****** hacker, dude. Yeah. Like that's Judd. Isn't that like kind of like one of the Subplotlines like the last season of? Rick and Morty. What? Yeah, with all the terrariums. No. Yeah. Robocop is about a cop named Alex Murphy that his wife gets murdered and he gets blown the f******. He survives his wife is still murdered the f******. Now he's a robocop that's looking to find out who actually killed his wife and come to find out that it was like a whole big old setup and watch the movie. If you want to find out more, Like people that were supposed to be on his side, betrayed him. I think you like goes in and like, kills, like, the police captain. We're trying He tries to kill the police captain and they're like, just shut him off. Because they still have remote 8:12:49 pm - cortney abel: oh, 8:12:50 pm - You: access. Yeah. Like looking some black mirror s***. You know, it is a good f****** movie. So have I seen it or not? No, you've absolutely not seen this movie. Okay. Cool. Because I was thinking of the other movie with the Giant Tower. Yeah. Judge, Dredd. Yeah, I've seen that movie. Yeah. They're judges. And they are judged during executioner and they just go in and murder people. Yeah. They have like they have like, the movie footsteps The boomy footsteps. Yeah, you know when they like have like a slow motion of like the foot hitting the ground, it has like the, it does like the ground rebel summit underneath it. Like it's a mini earthquake from his heels hitting the floor. Yeah, he's not a robot. Just dude. No, it's like a normal thing in movies. Courtney, do you understand what I'm talking about? 8:13:40 pm - cortney abel: I kind of send out for a second, so, 8:13:41 pm - You: Oh my God, she was thinking about dead children and Texas, okay? So you know, there's a scene where some dude, he's walking towards you in film and then as a close of him like walking with like his feet hitting the ground. And when his feet hit the ground, it does like an earth rumble noise. You want to know something that's gonna f****** your whole day? Please, no, actually. Please. When they fit, they film and do audio separately. I already knew that. So like when you see someone walking, you know, through like a gravel path and you hear the gravel crunching underneath her feet, they completely separately. Yeah. No I seen videos with you. Do like my favorite ones where he has like little like baby shoes on his fingers and he's in the tap across the table. 8:14:22 pm - cortney abel: Oh yeah, I always 8:14:22 pm - You: Yeah. 8:14:23 pm - cortney abel: I always loved those. 8:14:25 pm - You: Yeah, it's super cool. 8:14:27 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. 8:14:28 pm - You: And then they have to go in and re-record their f****** lines. Well yeah. Because it sounds way f****** better. Sound like it sounds way f****** better. That's sucks. Like I would not enjoy doing movies, just for that. It's like, all right. I think that's a wrap. I think we did a great job. It's like now you have to go in and re-record everything. You said with the same emotion, 8:14:53 pm - cortney abel: Oh my 8:14:54 pm - You: Yeah, that's a skill. That's what makes a good actor. Actress. I would just see. I'd hire Chinese dude, to come in and do it and just, you know, like Dub over f****** my s***. He's like, Yeah, you do a good job. Yeah, thank you for giving me my McDonalds. and it's just, like, The subtitles are like nothing like that. Like I can't believe you killed my father. 8:15:20 pm - cortney abel: Oh, 8:15:20 pm - You: Actually, thank you for the McDonald's. I know Tap. A Chinese student continent, people tip at McDonald's. Oh, okay. 8:15:31 pm - cortney abel: No. 8:15:32 pm - You: I was concerned for a second. Yeah, I could but mostly tipping. 8:15:36 pm - cortney abel: oh, No. 8:15:40 pm - You: okay, well, I had to make sure because I don't 8:15:44 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. 8:15:44 pm - You: Yeah, I never, I never tip fast food, people if you want to go to a real restaurant. Yeah, my food out to me deal with the f****** mess, I might or might not leave. Oh, That's what it is. Courtney knows good up my mess when I 8:16:00 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. 8:16:02 pm - You: leave a table. That's rude. Okay. You know, back in the day, I used to work at a f****** Jimmy, John's. And we're a driver. Well, Guess what? When you don't have any orders to go out? You also have to make sandwiches. Well, that's stupid. I I had to learn how to prove the bed, how to break, bake the bread, how to do everything, how to make the unwitches all that dumb s***. how to, You know, wash dishes make bread Yes. Will you help me because I make dreadful bread? I can make a pizza dough and that's it. Well I'm gonna give insider secrets of Jimmy John's today. We get frozen bread and we put in the fruit for overnight. That's how subway does it too and then there's a lot of f****** bread back there and then we come smell good in the morning. No don't you like the smell of baking bread? You know, dying these roofed bread? Yeah yeast. And then we like cook it for like 12 minutes and then just you know, cooks the rest of the way science. I don't know. 8:17:04 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. 8:17:04 pm - You: No baking is science and No baking is science and then you know f****** retard. New guys get grill marks on their arms from the f****** baking sheets. 8:17:13 pm - cortney abel: Oh my 8:17:14 pm - You: And then we, you know, take comes, nice, use f****** like a red vinegar or some b******* like that and clean everything at the end of the night. Oh yeah, that was always weird. It worked. The vinegar was weird. Like Courtney, did you ever have to like wash dishes? like, 8:17:32 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. But that was like when I was a manager, not when I was really like, the only reason I other ever really like wash something is it was because for my side work, like I'd wash all the salt and pepper shakers, I'd washed anything that was on the table. 8:17:50 pm - You: yeah, but like, like 8:17:51 pm - cortney abel: And possibly. 8:17:52 pm - You: We had to go out, you know? Do all like this soda machines. Like take the nozzles off like I thank God, you clean those. Yeah, we went through and religiously cleaned them. 8:17:59 pm - cortney abel: Yep. 8:18:02 pm - You: Thank God for cleaning the standards. 8:18:05 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. 8:18:06 pm - You: Um yeah we swept up the floor, mop the floor, you know, you'd have to clean the bathroom all the f****** time. And I had a family come in one time with a f****** pizza. Into a Jimmy John's. There's not a pizza place like nearby. Like they had a drive, you know, it Bring a pizza to f****** Jimmy John's. It wasn't like, You know, a normal. There's like a Domino's s*** pizza. f*** these people, they came in. Got drinks, sat down maybe a huge f****** mess with their like family and like 16 f*************** and left. You know, no tip, no nothing. And I bet the place was just trash. Yeah, guess what? I had to go over there and f****** clean that s*** up at a wipe down the table. Yeah, wiped down the f****** seats. Sweep it all up. Put it in a dustpan, throw it away, you know, f*** those people. Yeah. So, why would you be so inconsiderate? Well. Here's the thing, like when I go at her restaurant I try and you know, stack the plates. You know make it you know, easy for, you know, the bus boy or the bus girl to come through and clean it up. Yeah. You know Courtney's like Oh, thank God. You're a good person. Well, no, Courtney taught me to do that. well, I mean I don't think you have. 8:19:31 pm - cortney abel: you know, have to but like 8:19:34 pm - You: No, it makes it easier. I do it all the time now. So just like, have you ever bust tables before Duh, she's a white bait. 8:19:41 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. It's my own tables. Unless it was busy at that one, diner, that I worked with batch to 8:19:48 pm - You: Well. 8:19:49 pm - cortney abel: the hotel. 8:19:50 pm - You: I mean, like in summer restaurants, they'll have busboys and then the waiters or wait staff. Yeah and though we completely separate, you have to split tips with everybody but it's fair. It's whatever. 8:20:07 pm - cortney abel: At the end of the day for me, they just paid out my my things. 8:20:12 pm - You: Oh nice. Did you ever have to like split it with like the dishwashers and, you know, the cooks and all that? 8:20:22 pm - cortney abel: Yeah, you keep an edge of. 8:20:22 pm - You: Like imagine. 8:20:25 pm - cortney abel: a certain of percentage of food sales you gave a certain of percentage. If there was a bartender you gave a certain percentage to the bar and then you gave certain percentage to the a certain percentage of food sales. You gave a certain of percentage. If there was a bartender you gave a certain percentage to the bar and then you gave certain percentage to the busboys 8:20:40 pm - You: Oh, so you just take all the tips at the end of the night and split them that way. 8:20:44 pm - cortney abel: yeah, they don't do it like They'll let you know what the basement is. 8:20:52 pm - You: yeah, I mean Like I I always like to like you know tip like the wait staff or like if they get to me quick and you know, make sure let me drinks always fill them. Like Okay, here's a twenty dollar tip. Like imagine if they were paid like livable wage and therefore we didn't have to tip. Yeah, that's gonna be how it is in Europe. We don't tip Thank God. I feel bad because sometimes I'm just like not broken enough to give a decent tip and I'm like I'm sorry, I'm not helping support you better and what you're gonna feel like a real big piece of s*** because the 8:21:24 pm - cortney abel: but, 8:21:25 pm - You: Because the weight staff over there are incredible. After being paired of paid a fair wage. Why should why should I feel guilty about not tipping? Um, because like, anytime you've gone to a restaurant here in the United States of America, you know, hi honey. What can I get for you today? And you're like, okay, well s***. Can I get this? No, we don't have like, you get up to like, the restaurant. They invite you in. They have water immediately there for you before you. They like they come with the water and the menus. Like, Can we get you? Anything like boom. Boom, boom. Like the fastest. 8:22:10 pm - cortney abel: oh, 8:22:12 pm - You: It blew me out of the what? Like, I'm like, I want to see that's what happens when people love their jobs and feel respected at their jobs, they give their all and this kind of stuff. Yeah. Like like there are product of their management. Like I literally walk past the place like not even looking to eat and like a dude. Big. Hey you want a free sample? Would you like a free sample? And I'm like, Yeah, sure. Food. You know, not expecting anything. You know, give me a little recent, and not like, just like a costco thing, but, you know, boom, you know, here's a piece bread. Here's, you know, some of, you know, the euro, I'd serve you. And you know, here's that is the Costco thing. No. Like you know like the Costco I like these little itty bitty drinking cups. Yeah. They're proportion size. It's almost like a rich person's meal like they give me like a f****** meal. Almost And I'm like, Okay, I remember you and then I come back. I'm like, f*** you got me. You got me a hundred percent? See like little restaurants like that are just perfect. It's precisely what they should be. They're so romantic. Like Tuscany. Yeah, I mean like you know, Turkish ice cream. Like I really wish I could drink coffee because I want to have I want to have their coffee so bad. I just want to like buy their coffee so I can like try and figure out how the f*** it's done. Like heavier. Watched your cup is like dangerously, close that edge. Um, thank you. But like have you ever like watched him? Like just like f****** take a pot of whatever the f*** and like rub it on sand and it fills with what like like what the f*** biblical s*** is this the sand is superheated in the liquids already in there. So it comes to a bowl and they're controlling the heat by shoving it in and out of the sand. Yeah. But then they jump it all out and then then what? Then they serve it. No, they feel back up. They like put it back on the sand and more water comes. Now there's just more liquid that's boiled to the top. No it f**** with me so goddamn hard. I know I see that. Like, I've watched videos like I'm like, like I've never like, How does this actually work? I never ask Google that but I like the magic of it. I always ask Google. And like Turkish ice cream. Like I I you see these guys like that f*** with people and like, you know, spend the ice cream around their head. and they're hilarious and you watch it happen to somebody and you're like, All right, I bet I can outsmart this guy. You go up. He makes a f****** full of you. It is the greatest s*** of all time. You're being made fun of but having a great time doing it. I mean like I I'm gonna find a f****** Turkish ice cream place like when we're over in Europe, And but we need a visa to get into Turkey. No, not you can get Turkish ice cream outside of Turkey. Okay? 8:25:24 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. 8:25:27 pm - You: Yeah, just like you can get Chinese food here in America. You said in Europe, you didn't define where we were going to be. So I don't know if that was included or not. We are not going to Turkey. Okay. I'm sorry, I'm very literal. yeah, I mean right right now, like I'm juggling. I'm putting together. How much everything would cost between you know, Italy, Croatia. Spain. Like nice places to go visit. And seeing what what's available I want warmth? I want humidity. Yeah, it's so dry up here. Yeah, like I you know, I want to be By the ocean, at least for one of the countries. We go to visit. I want Bangles around my ankles that I can walk in the surf with Yeah. Bagels around your neck pain. Bangles like the tiger? Yes. I don't know what the tiger is. Bengal Tiger. Okay. Oh my God. Okay, no words, not mine. I know that I'm spelling it with two A's, not a EA. But it's a bangle like it like dangles and it makes like clip, it makes it clicky noises. Yeah, well whatever yeah but in bad news, Japan is opening back up June 10th. but in order to go to Japan, you have to buy a tour package and you'll be followed around in a tour group and they'll provide You know, pretty much the hotels and all that other b******* for you. It's like it's like any guided tour. It's like a North Korean guided tour and they're allowed to implement that. I think how they're handling. It is like it's like a f*** you but it's like Okay if you really want to do this here it is. We rather you wouldn't but you get what you asked for. Yeah. So like it's a it's a it's a very polite. f*** you. Like, I love it. So 2025. Japan. You don't like the number 25. Okay? Then 2026 but you want for me 2024 probably honestly. 8:28:04 pm - cortney abel: You guys. 8:28:06 pm - You: Yeah, I have no f****** idea. But yeah, Japan is opening back up. So if you're an idiot and, you know, enjoy guided tours, or don't want to plan too much. They do have all kinds of tours. Anime tours, you know? Otaku Tours. You know hilarious? Yeah. No. They they have, like, I looked him up and they started like $3,000. another like, No, you can have this if you want to pay for it. Yeah. I mean they go up to like 14,000 dollars and it's like perfect days. Mm-hmm. Sound like, yep. That that f****** sucks. And We will wait. Yeah. Okay. So there's this didn't happen while I was at my previous job, but to put, but it did happen. So one day, some like football player like like secretary showed up, or whatever and she wanted to board the cats with us because the cats had ringworm, and she wanted us to treat the cats for reading room while boarded with us and the owner, the business was like hell f****** know, and the secretary is like, what do you want for it and they can like the owner was like, I want $7,000 a week for it and she was like sold 8:29:29 pm - cortney abel: Oh my God. Really? 8:29:31 pm - You: Yeah, those cats boarded for f****** 16 weeks. 8:29:36 pm - cortney abel: What? 8:29:37 pm - You: Yeah. Yeah, there's people that just have money and it's easy to take advantage of them, I mean, but also it was $7,000 a day. 8:29:49 pm - cortney abel: so basically, they spent over 8:29:50 pm - You: Right. He's a week. Excuse me. Oh my God. Yeah I'll f****** suck dick for 7,000 a day. Absolutely. I mean, like, I would take care of 8:30:00 pm - cortney abel: Oh my 8:30:01 pm - You: cats. studio into like a just into like a just cats. Like, I'd convert this entire studio into like a just exclusive. Now, we are not running cattery. Should, you know, just like take care like two cats for like 7,000 a week? We're not running in Cattery. I'd quit my job. Okay, you can run the cattery, I'd run the cattery and being here all day with them. You know, make sure that they have like the freshest of water. Good sleepy kitties yeah, like boom, but no For 16 weeks. Yeah. Yeah, that that's takes forever to go away. Forever. Because, okay, so killing fungus, the things that kill fungus are the same thing that kill your cells. You have to give it a very low doses, calling the cops. Oh my phone, the fun. Yes, yeah, fun. Yes, you have to give it, and then, take a break, and then give it, and then take a break. So, it takes forever. Yeah, it's like that dude. That injected f****** mushroom spores into himself. Like I think he survived but he got f***** up. Well, Yeah, because like the mushroom is like so close like human DNA or Yeah, no, it's f***** up. something. and so, like the dude was like, Oh no, no no. And then Yeah, I'm sure that was pretty penny in the hospital. I don't know how it's alive. I mean I do, I am 100% shocked. Also, if you do this, something. If you do something that's stupid, do you honestly deserve to live though? Yeah. Of course. Like should you reproduce like no. Like, that should take itself out of the gene pool, right, then. And there, I mean, how cool would it be? I feel like, you know, produced like mushrooms that like, the tip of his banus, don't be gross. Maybe like a mushroom on a mushroom, that'd be gross. Like double mushroom, double mushroom all the way. Wow. But like it was red with polka dots. It would not be okay, that's an ayahuasca trip. That's something completely different like s***. Your pants on that one. I'm talking about mushroom tops. Yeah, the red and white mushrooms. Yeah, they're pretty. Yeah, that's ayahuasca. Okay, that's her name. Yeah. Like they like break it down and like I was thinking of the ones in Minecraft to be honest. Yeah. William And the cows. What? Yeah, that they have the mushroom, cows on the island. I want a tattoo of that. Ayahuasca. It is my favorite character in Minecraft. 8:33:03 pm - cortney abel: Hmm. 8:33:03 pm - You: That's completely wrong. Show me what it looks like then. Like that. Like just sticks and s***. Oh, it's a root. And then like, they like turn into like a drink, I guess. I don't know what I'm thinking about, then I'm thinking about something. It's another f****** trippy mushroom. 8:33:24 pm - cortney abel: Hmm, it's another term. 8:33:25 pm - You: I, I, I'm just used like f****** goes here for the mushrooms. I'm just here for golden teachers. And LSD. 8:33:36 pm - cortney abel: Okay, I was like what the f*** are you talking about? 8:33:39 pm - You: Talking about psychedelic mushrooms. Yeah, the illegal kind that you can't get 8:33:45 pm - cortney abel: Oh my goodness. 8:33:46 pm - You: I can go to Denver and get them just fine. And the second I come back down to Colorado Springs. Like the cops like you're under arrest forever. What am I gonna do? I can't pay the mortgage on my own. I'll have the cops kill me and then get a life insurance settlement, Okay? Well, at least I won't have to wait for you and then you have to see the cops even better. Because you're brown, I'll totally win my case. Oh, but speaking of brown people, have you seen the f****** Jason Momoa f****** b******* that he did for the Amber heard trial? No. So it is literally the greatest s*** I have seen come out of this entire thing and also it's the final f****** week. So God, it's almost over never gonna talk about it again because no one's gonna care what the f****** final outcome is. But Jason Momoa did a video and you know I'm just gonna play the f****** audio of it. What? Oh no, this is going to be bad. Yeah, it's what? It is pretty f****** great. Okay, so who's Jason Momoa, she's the guy from f******. What f****** Aquaman? Oh, okay the mermaid dude. Yeah. Yeah, but his skills are pretty ugly. It's not have any skills. I didn't watch the movie, I know neither. Did I. Yeah, based on the color of a scales, I'm not gonna lie, but 8:35:33 pm - You: Here, I'll send this to you after. 8:35:36 pm - cortney abel: After. Only see. Oh, Amber heard. 8:35:48 pm - You: Yeah. 8:35:50 pm - cortney abel: Oh my goodness. Go ahead and send it. I, I might have already seen part of it. I didn't finish it though. It had not like when I'd gone back to Facebook, it had reloaded. 8:36:05 pm - You: Wait. So this is an actual court. Wait, this was in court. 8:36:15 pm - cortney abel: Yeah, he well. 8:36:20 pm - You: Oh my God. 8:36:23 pm - cortney abel: Oh my goodness. Oh my God, I look so fat there. 8:36:33 pm - You: What the f***? What the f***? This is so disrespectful. 8:36:47 pm - cortney abel: What? 8:36:48 pm - You: Oh my God. 8:36:50 pm - cortney abel: I would be you have to do me now. 8:36:51 pm - You: You know I'm saying? I'm sending you the link Jesus Christ. Relax. That is so disrespectful. Well, good news, It was all a f****** hoax. Thank God. Jason Momoa didn't actually, he just kind of dubbed over it. Thank God. Thank God, the best thing to come out. Thank God. I can laugh at it now. 8:37:32 pm - You: Johnny, it's still only have. 8:37:52 pm - You: Yeah, that was exactly what that f****** s*** was and you know people bought it. They're like what the f***? Yeah I bought it, I'm so ashamed, I bought it. I'm not gonna lie. So what tied it all together was, he was the one dude like getting about a seat like leaving court. Like that's what like really convinced me it was happening. Like that was like, Oh, s***. I was wavering that it was like the dude walked out and like obviously this happened in real life. Yeah, no. I I thought I'm like this is the best thing to f****** come out. Jason Momoa. You know, just coming through. And you know, he made more of them too. it's like, Yeah, there's a moment in the pool. Yeah. Where you know, Amber look down. It's like look at that brown fish and Like that's weird because we're not in the pool with any fish. it was actually Amber's turd A H. That's not right, that's somewhere. I thought was gonna go And then like he like, pulled something out. He's like, Oh, you know, that came out of her. f****** Jason Momoa is, literally. The only entertaining part of this stupid f****** trial. I've done everything in my power possible to ignore this as much as possible. See, like I want Amber to lose just because she's a c***. And that. 8:39:27 pm - cortney abel: And I do. 8:39:28 pm - You: Johnny to just pay like a hundred million just like as an extra f*** you to like charity. Like like give like, you know, 25 million to like, you know, Texas that You know, to the victims and how's money supposed to help victims? I don't understand. Um, what is money? I'm riding around on a Jet Ski washes away, your tears of your dead children. The idea behind. It just it's still nothing at the end of the day. I mean, it helps with, you know, bearing the children. Taking care of all, it doesn't replace them. I mean there, I'm sure there are some parents that, you know, at the end of the day, like Like I can't like let anyone else say, See me say thank God. But oh, thank God. He's a little f****** monster and if you feel that way, Particle. You shouldn't have kids in the first place. Yeah. Do you understand how easy it is to have a kid? You know, like I I'm like if I was more of a f****** player, like I would be afraid. People should have access to free birth control. But continue, I'd be afraid of, you know, some b**** coming at me Maybe hey you got me pregnant f******, you know, 10 years ago or whatever? I'm like What the f***? No. Here's your son. I'm like. What the f***? No. but luckily I'm like, yeah now Not none of the girls that I f***** had kids. I hope I made sure on purpose. I literally made it impossible. I mean, here's something. Is it like okay to like talk to your ex? Of course? So, you'd be okay with me like, you know, Talking to my ex. You had a Very deep relationship with this person. It would be weird if you didn't talk to them. No, like it wouldn't bought like what I would be. I wouldn't I would be bothered I'd trust you 100% like you guys broke up. Well, it's like, you know, this is like my longest relationship before you was like one year. I know which is like I've had long relationships with jobs. You literally 19 when we first met. Yeah, I think I was 18, actually. We were 19 so I was 17. The then I would been 18. I'm only a year older than you. A year and a half older than you. Yeah, a year and a half. Like, it took me that last six months before I was 18 and you were 20. Because like once I had my birthday, then I catch up that year to you, but after you have your birthday, you're two years ahead of me. Yeah, we school started but I don't know. Oh my God. I'm right continue. You're not good. Oh my God. As a woman, it is my duty to know every single time and date and celestial point. Yeah, every milestone of our relationship. I can't even tell you what year. I went to college. That's okay. I also don't know. I know what you're a graduated, but if I did the math, from like the year, I graduated to help old, I was I'm sure I could do the math, but I'm a little too drunk for that. Courtney, do you remember like f****** years and days until like that? Only for our relationship because I'm 8:43:05 pm - cortney abel: um, 8:43:06 pm - You: supposed to like, Do you know when your mom was born, let's start with that. 8:43:11 pm - cortney abel: 19. 8:43:14 pm - You: Oh f***. That's do, you know the month and day. 8:43:20 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. I am not gonna say it because then they can lick her up. 8:43:26 pm - You: So my mom's birthday is February 7th 1963. 8:43:32 pm - cortney abel: Really. 8:43:33 pm - You: Courtney Courthouse mom is Carol Baskins. So That's hilarious. 8:43:38 pm - cortney abel: Oh my God. 8:43:39 pm - You: Hello. All you cool cat kittens. Kittens or cats, something like that. But I also, if I had the opportunity to feed my husband to a tiger, I would. I'm sorry, babe. She like just Mr Opportunity. And it's like, I only got this one, like I haven't watched either movie. So I have no idea what I'm actually talking about, but a movie. Isn't Netflix special, okay. You're right. It's a Netflix special and there's two of them. Now, I'm pretty sure I haven't watched either of them. I don't care. Everyone at work told me that they were person. I was going to love their person really going to upset me and so not to watch it and so I did not watch it. Yeah, you're like an enjoy the part. We're like the dude gets his arm ripped off by a tiger. Yeah. Get them tiger haha. I will enjoy that part. Like like there's a video of this dude going to like a tiger cage and like you know like you know putting his finger through the f****** tiger cage, may but idiot and the f****** took it as like a little cheese stick tigers like, oh delicious and f****** and not that s*** right off his f****** hand. He f****** deserve that s*** and just dig loved his f****** finger. Yeah, so he deserve that. Oh, the meat falls right off the bone into my mouth. So tender and the dudes like freaking out, he's like, Help. me, people are like filming. Yes. Like damn, that sucks. Man, it helps if you're not retarded, but Damn that that sucks like you know good thing that you don't have that finger. I mean now we can You know, guarantee that you're not gonna go up and You know, finger any women? Which finger did he lose? Assuming is is index, right? Yeah, that's your index. I don't know why it's called an index. I'm going to look it up right now. Find out. I'm probably because like the first time like You know, like it was like in there's like two guys. Like one name, like Jack and one named Dex and like they're both gay for each other. And so Jack had his finger index. And he's like, What do you want to name this finger? I'm gonna name it Index. and so the name just stuck and like why did you name it Index finger It's like just rather not talk about that please. Okay, it's called index finger because it's the root word of an English word that meant to show. Me point your finger to show. Or you can be like, one of these f****** douchebag assholes that point their whole hand at something, but no, the point with one finger is rude. In my opinion. No, it can be seen as accusatory. Yeah. It's military like, you know, hey you go over there. You go over there, Like a single index pointed? Me, I perceive as a threat. Yeah, because it looks like a gun. Finger guns. I mean, not quite, but Like I'll always like, I always see my hand flaps. I don't use individual fingers. Unless I'm flipping someone off, then. It's like you do get the finger. Yeah. Because this is how straight my hand goes, like it's appalling. It's like a f****** it's like it's 60 degree angle. My middle finger is so f****** strong. Oh, you're f***** up one? Both of them are good. You know. Which one did you break when you're working at Walmart? Do you remember? It was like one of my probably like my ring or something. Yeah, I think it was a ring finger. yeah, I know like I had like them in carts and it f****** like Yeah, I pushed a man and like crunched it underneath and turned off f***** up and hurt. There's not much you do for it. You just like you can put some Popsicle sticks on it and tape it and you're good to go. Put in a splint. Yeah and continue to work. Yeah. Because you're not a b****, I should have sued Walmart, you should have sued Walmart. And you want hundred percent missed out all that. Babe, could I hit it rich? Like, what? Sodom? They don't like, it's your fault for being done. No, they would have settled out of court. And then, like Here's 25,000 dollars. Exactly. And then what you've done with that kind of money back then? Drugs. I suppose. Of course, I would have done drugs. I don't know why anybody wouldn't do drugs. I also agree with that statement. Are you okay? Courtney? Are you even present? 8:48:36 pm - cortney abel: This. Sorry. I'm like a little tired. 8:48:40 pm - You: That's okay. Oh my God. I feel that We literally were in bed until like noon today. It was so nice. 8:48:47 pm - cortney abel: I that's let me sleep in today and 8:48:48 pm - You: Well, I have a pretty good Well, I have a pretty good Oh my God. 8:48:51 pm - cortney abel: like, I still feel a little tired. It's weird. 8:48:56 pm - You: So I have a pretty good. Am I the a******? And I actually read through the entire thing. So you know what? I want to see one thing before we get into that that's here. I had a vision. What's your vision? So Wednesday night, I dreamed that Tron came home, With a f****** fruit punch. It wasn't a Capri sun but something's a fruit punch Arizona tea. And then on Thursday, he came home with a fruit punch, Arizona tea like I had a vision Let's pull a Tarot card and Yeah, no. Cuz like when I opened the fridge inside, I was like in my f****** crazy. And so I want to try and I was like, What did you get this? He's like today. And I had my dream the night prior and I was like Your Simon Oracle now. Nope, your subconscious and we'll pick up s*** that you you know naturally don't I'm an Oracle. Nope, not even close, I don't even know that is but I know it's what I am now. Yeah, it's a computer system but yeah, no. It's like a it's like a girl like nice droopy clothes. What's your feet on me? It's hot. I know my feet are still warm. It's so nice. So I have a really great. Am I the a****** for not telling a guy what I do for work and letting him pay for drinks during the whole evening? my friend, Grace invited me to a board game bar to play and have drinks with her her boyfriend and one of their friends, Nick Her and her boyfriend, Nick, we went to get drinks and pears Grace going with her boyfriend. Meanwhile Nick and I stayed at the table and vice versa so Nick and I had plenty time to talk just two of us. Nick started the night by telling us about his recent career change. He decided to quit his previous job and go to a coding boot camp and got a job as a developer one or two months ago. He was very proud of himself and his new salary and he told me this multiple times. He never asked what I do for work, but talked about his new job, quite a lot. Occasionally saying Sorry, you don't understand that. Haha, During the entire evening, I never told them I'd been working as a software engineer for the past four years because he never asked. And honestly, I found it a bit entertaining when it came to the drinks. He invited me to every single one. Don't worry about it. It's not a problem with my developer salary. I told him multiple times, he doesn't have to pay for me but he insisted at the end of the night, we were saying our goodbyes, He took his phone out to send me a friend request on Facebook. My job is listed in my profile so when he realized so that's when he realized I'm a software engineer. He asked if it's true that, if I'm a software engineer and I answered, yes. He asked why I hadn't told him and why I had let him believe. I was a cashier, like, Grace. Used to be I never implied that and that's why I let him pay for everything. When I probably earned more than him. I told him that he never once asked and it's his fault for assuming. He simply could ask me about his my job, but he only wanted to brag about his But he want, but if he wants me to, I can pay him back for the drinks. He was angry and said, I made a fool out of him. I think he did that, not me, But now Grace and her boyfriend are on his side, too saying, It'll cost me nothing to tell early in the evening and I only kept it to myself my own entertainment. I feel like If she tried to tell him, he wouldn't have believed her. To be honest. 8:53:02 pm - cortney abel: Yeah, exactly. 8:53:04 pm - You: Yeah. I mean, and quite, honestly, he 8:53:06 pm - cortney abel: And quite honestly, like he's the one 8:53:07 pm - You: a hill to die on. 8:53:07 pm - cortney abel: that he's the one that like came with up, with the assumptions that she worked at certain job, he never asked her. And like, quite honestly, he was 8:53:16 pm - You: Mm-hmm. 8:53:21 pm - cortney abel: being a A braggart like, come on. 8:53:23 pm - You: Yeah. Who wouldn't take advantage of that? 8:53:27 pm - cortney abel: Yeah, it would have been funny. 8:53:28 pm - You: Yeah, well, I mean like I do enjoy talking shop with stuff. I don't do and stuff. I do do Yeah. talking shop with stuff. shop with stuff. I do do I do. 8:53:36 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. 8:53:36 pm - You: Do, you know, like I enjoyed 8:53:37 pm - cortney abel: But he never really invited that type of conversation army. 8:53:41 pm - You: No, he dominated the entire conversation. She never got any fair share of words. yeah, I mean like she was just there to be an audience, you know, he's a narcissist And, you know, most of us are speak for yourself. Okay? I'm a narcissist. Thank you. I'm a hardcore artist and what everyone to listen to what I have to say about me. You know I got a job and I'm a truck driver hahaha everyone don't worry about it, a little lady. I you know take care of that and she like owns a trucking company. All right. Whatever. Yeah. He wants to prove himself, he might as well just beat his own chest while he's at it. Well, I mean, here's the thing. The dude probably wanted to get some f****** play. Doesn't matter. He never once treated her as an equal to begin with. Oh yeah. No. Like they're not treated as equals. Exactly. So why would she put out for that? I mean. He thought he was doing something nice and buying a girl. A drink does not obligate your access to her body. Yeah, but it's it's a nice way to kind of get in there. And, and he was s***. Yeah, he was an a******. He was the a******. 8:55:00 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. 8:55:00 pm - You: So she was not the a******. Dude was the a****** the entire I 8:55:03 pm - cortney abel: No. 8:55:04 pm - You: would have done the same. So, like it, I would have simpered at 8:55:07 pm - cortney abel: And he's big on it. 8:55:08 pm - You: him too. Like I would have like really sold it 8:55:09 pm - cortney abel: but, 8:55:11 pm - You: it that he was like, made more money than me, was better than me. Like, I would have pushed it to the limit. So like, you know, essentially this is the same thing as, you know, some guy coming up. Yeah, I just got a job, you know, being a kennel tech at a, you know, a veterinarian. And you know coming to brag to you about it. Yeah I'd let him just shoot his mouth off. It's like I take care of so many animals. Oh my God. You do like, what kind of animals? Yeah. 8:55:40 pm - cortney abel: oh my God. 8:55:41 pm - You: I mean he's like this Great Dane. Great Dane and I had to like there's I mean he's like I took care of I mean he's like I took care of this Great Dane and I had to like there's such big dogs. Oh my God, he must be so strong. Yeah, you the f****** put out for this guy immediately. No, I would have just dragged him along and shoved it in his face. Prevents is a dish, best served cold See that? That's a great thing about truckers is like, Everyone is an equal. If you've been working for 50 years as a trucker or It's your first week as a trucker, You know, we're all a f****** brotherhood and you know, if you need some f****** tips, you can come to me and I'll give you all the tips I can give you. This is why I'm always super nice to newbies and interns because I want them to come to me for help because I'm more than willing to give it. I want to spread my knowledge. Best served cold See that? That's a great thing about truckers is like, Everyone is an equal. If you've been working for 50 years as a trucker or It's your first week as a trucker, You know, we're all a f****** brotherhood. And you know, if you need some f****** tips, you can come to me and I'll give you all the tips I can give you. This is why I'm always super nice to newbies and interns because I want them to come to me for help because I'm more than willing to give it. I want to spread my knowledge. Oh yeah. No. It's an honor to teach, you know. I mean, like, we like all teach people that are not in my company at all. Like I've had people come to me and like, hey, how do I put on chains? know, here you go. Yeah, yeah, I'm like, all right, you You know what? What do you got stag rum You know, hair take off your mud flap. Makes it a whole lot easier. Yeah, it's so cool and people are like, you're the person. They go to ask questions. It's like it's very flattering but also it's like really good confidence building too. Yeah, I mean for, you know, semi trucks, it's a little bit harder because you got, you know, you're too drives you have to like, draping over. And if you're not you know, smart enough you f*** it up. You connect them the first link? Boom, boom. Hopefully, it all goes well. yeah, I mean To get a new job, it's like Yeah, I make forty thousand dollars a year. As a developer. Hey, that's a good. That's too much air starting rate than I have with my job. I never even gonna hit that 40,000. I mean, maybe if I get my specialty license, yeah, I quit my job, if they paid me that little I job is my soul. Yeah back. Alright, bye. I love my job and I have traded my love of job for lack of money. And I don't regret it. I'm I love my job. Yeah. You just want to, you know, pet kitties all day. I get paid. The pet kitties all day and make them feel better. It's my job to make Kitties feel better. I get paid to flip off. m************ to cut me off. Yeah. And you make more money than me. Yeah. They cut me off. They run me off the road. And I'm like, all right, let's see what wins. Oh, look, 33,000 pounds but just f****** running your s*** over. I don't care. Oh no, my baby, it's in the car. 8:58:34 pm - cortney abel: Hmm. 8:58:36 pm - You: Oh no. Back up over it there. Now, he's not in the car. now, as part of the car, 8:58:49 pm - cortney abel: Huh. Oh my gosh. went to the batting cages yesterday went to the batting cages yesterday with my Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. went to the batting cages yesterday went to the batting cages yesterday with my Oh my gosh. So guys, I, this is the first time I went to the batting cages yesterday with my nephew. 8:58:55 pm - You: oh, 8:58:56 pm - cortney abel: It was fun. I actually liked it. 8:58:58 pm - You: Yes. I want to go to a batting cage. 8:59:02 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. 8:59:02 pm - You: I feel like I would really get off on the sounds. 8:59:05 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. 8:59:05 pm - You: And the sensation of a ball getting hit off my bat, or Do you hit the ball? Hit your batter. Do you hit the ball? Okay so the way batting cages works as you put in a couple quarters and like there's a bunch of balls lined up. Oh no when the ball and think Clyde who I mean, just a meeting of forces, it's meeting a forces that's all ricochet. It's like you know when you punching someone in the face because face was hitting my fish, it's an assault on me. Look at my fizz. It's all bleeding six. Sure. That's all his blood. There's a scratch there. I think I hit it. Honest tooth. I could get f****** sepsis and die. I'm pressing charges on his face. I don't want to die. Obsess. Well, then f****** don't s*** in an open wound. How about that? I do. Okay, whenever that happens I go to the doctor and I get antibiotics. I don't play loosen fast with that s***. Would you get like a knife stabbing? And like I can't and then like poop in the wound. Like the, like a cat goes. Yeah. Like cut you open and like comes like poops in the open wound. Like, you know, like There are cats who angry s***. On purpose. And sometimes a cat that is biting. You is bad enough that it also s**** on you. So when you're trying to wrangle a cat, there's a bite wound there. s*** everywhere, she gets in your wound. So you scrub it out real good. And you go to the doctor and you get antibiotics, then you don't die of sepsis. Hence, I have never died of sepsis. I mean there was one time where I was actually genuinely scared. It was it was like not going, it was getting worse like I was quite honestly scared that had a bit me 13 different times up and down my arm and it catch s***, slaughtered all in a written and I was just flat out terrified. Like my arm. Remember how bad my arm and hand was swollen? Like it was like huge. See I just like put my like finger in his mouth and like it goes like by me back and like it just like looked me? What the f*** dude? I'm attacking you on and as it's like talking about like and like poking its tongue again but to stop that. I'm gonna kill you. Yeah. Stop that. So there are cats who've never had a real genuine fight in their life and so like when a cat's mad, it like, kind of like puts his teeth into my skin is like, girl, I'm scary. Like he doesn't know to bite down, or do worse. He's just like gently presses his teeth. He's like, I'm scary now. I'm scary now. See, I'm sure they think their fears but they're actually just did a bat bap. See, I'm not afraid of any like. Domesticated animal at all. I never once scared of a cat. Now, it was like a f****** bear. I beg. I'm gonna climb a tree and piss in its face because at least, you know, I can, you know, God dying like a badass. Like I don't do that. Like yeah it sounds like yes, climatrying it and it's like sitting there look right? I want to do that. Like I just like, pull up my dick. I'm just like trying like get in his mouth or like I mean I was more thinking about getting in his eyes but his eyes like just pissed. Like there's There's a video of a f****** bear. Like this dude, like has like a drink and he pours it down and the bears opens his mouth and like I'm into like just drinks at all. Yeah there are animals that drink alcohol. No it wasn't like alcohol. It was like a fruit juice. Oh but there are animals that like drink alcohol and will genuinely get drunk. Yeah. It's like the video of Kobayashi versus a bear. Okay. That hasn't been like a circus bear or something. That was like a 100% welfare. That's no way. Courtney. Do you know who Kobayashi is? 9:03:11 pm - cortney abel: Um, I probably do. I just don't remember. 9:03:14 pm - You: Here's the dude that ate hot dogs like really well. 9:03:19 pm - cortney abel: Oh, now I get that. 9:03:21 pm - You: Yeah. 9:03:22 pm - cortney abel: I've heard it before when I was watching an episode of Bones that they had like an A competitive eater had been murdered. 9:03:35 pm - You: No. He was like one of the world's greatest is a Japanese dude. 9:03:41 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. 9:03:42 pm - You: and so, Yeah, it was a Kobayashi versus a f****** bear. And it was like Yeah man versus beast and you know the the bear comes out, you know, just Burr. Yeah. I was like Kobe watching he's like Hey you know like almost a nerd like hi guys. Lee is at the same show where the same boat ran against a giraffe. It might be. 9:04:10 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. 9:04:10 pm - You: I think that I apologize to everyone. I know I mispronounced that so badly but that's how my brain decided to pronounce it. You're saying? 9:04:17 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. 9:04:17 pm - You: Yeah that's right. Oh thank God. I thought a lot about it, but he won. I think who's in one, yeah. 9:04:23 pm - cortney abel: Yeah. 9:04:24 pm - You: Yeah. Like the giraffe got like startled and it had like a head start but then it like trotted. Yeah. It was saying there's like pull Yeah. and it had like a head start but then and it had like a head start but then it like trotted. It was saying there's like pull African or something. I kind of test the strings that you have against like a puma or something. like, Like, what would you do? Honestly, I don't even know if a puma is like a cat or a pig. It's a giant cat. Because it's a cat in my head. 9:05:01 pm - cortney abel: It's a cat. 9:05:03 pm - You: I think of Timon and Pumbaa 9:05:09 pm - cortney abel: That's actually pretty funny. 9:05:11 pm - You: Puma is a mountain lion here in in North America. It's called a mountain lion. It's a shoe brand too. Don't know. Pumas. They're mountain lions here and their pumas down in South America. Oh, they're mountain lions here. Yes. They're called mountain lions. Yeah, they're f****** retarded like, Oh, they're beautiful. I like, okay, have very broad noses. I'm like, who can eat the most crayons at once? Taking the very good head, bumps and 100% convinced of this, and like the puma would f****** win by a mile big. The puma versus like a Marine and the Marine back. Oh, 64 crayons. Oh my God. It's my birthday just like start eating the crayons and like the puma back. Just eat the entire box all at once. Why would anybody eat crayons? They're Marines. The retarded. They're supposed to see crayons. It's an inside joke. Okay, if you're a Mirena, you understand where you are. Never a Marine. No, I I'm not that retarded I feel like I'm still missing the joke. They're retarded people. Jarheads yes. I just know the intro what the dude getting like branded. Yeah, they're like those are the types of people that will play hot potato with like a radioactive ball. There's a leroy Jenkins, peeps. Yeah, that that's a marina. That's You nailed it, they're Leroy Jenkins. Excellently. Roy. Jenkins. Oh my God. He just 9:06:46 pm - cortney abel: Oh my 9:06:47 pm - You: It's alright. We're almost at the end anyway. You're fine. Go go pee. 9:06:54 pm - cortney abel: Oh my 9:06:55 pm - You: My poor wife. But that's gonna be it for this episode. You can find me everywhere, Instagram, Twitter, you'll see me if I can commenting on my friend s***. Sometimes focusing, my own original thoughts that have been copied. Subconsciously. Alex, the truck. The girls have nothing. Absolutely nothing. I mean, unless you have a Twitter now, Courtney 9:07:28 pm - cortney abel: I don't have a twitter. 9:07:29 pm - You: No Instagram, no nothing. Damn 9:07:32 pm - cortney abel: No. 9:07:35 pm - You: I mean if you want to get in contact with Courtney, send Carol Baskins a DM. She will not get back to you. 9:07:45 pm - cortney Oh my goodness, you're hilarious. 9:07:48 pm - You: Right now, right? And also my wife wanted to you know bring up the fact that the cops didn't go in until like an hour after in Texas. She just want to say f*** those guys. f*** those weak ass. Cops border patrol all the way. but, That is it? Oh my God, we have like a minute to burn, whatever we're going to do for a minute.